Sending kids to high school because of isolation at home

[JadeOrchidSong]

I am so torn and so miserable.

Dc have been homeschooled all the way. They go to a co-op that offers Apologia elementary science, gym, and music or art two Friday mornings a month. I live the farthest from the co-op and all other families live in far suburbs. My church is small and is not homeschool friendly. Sunday school classes are for kids up to 5th grade. Then 6th grade and up have youth group that meets twice or once a month for 1.5 hours. Dc have one good friend from this church that they invite to our house to hang out with probably once or twice a month.

Dc have attended a weekly scouting troop since 1st grade, but this tiny troop is going to discontinue next school year. Ds14 took two local homeschool classes in 2015. This year both he and ds12 are each taking two online classes. We are still attending the twice a month science gym music co-op. They have been more and more isolated. We are home every day. They take to gaming a lot. They do yearn for friendship because they always eagerly attend church and youth group meetings. They do not want to miss them at all.

So I really would like them to go to school today to have a community or continue homeschooling with more outside classes where they interact with teachers and classmates they can physically see. They also expressed interest in going to school.

 

Right now I am considering these two options: a private Christian school with small class size with a very diverse student body (two or three families from church go there and two parents are art and science teacher respectively that we are friends with), or a homeschool academy with all kinds of classes to choose from where they can take three or more classes, probably two days a week (cheaper and more flexible than the private school, but less friendship forming opportunities). I do know quite a number of families that take classes there.

 

What do you think? What has made you or would make you send dc to school?

Thanks for reading.

I am very sad not to homeschool, but their needs trump my feelings.

 

ETA: Both locations are within 15-20 minutes of easy driving. So problem there.

Edited December 13, 2016 by JadeOrchidSong

[OneStepAtATime]

Why is the homeschool academy one that offers less of a friendship forming opportunity?

 

And how hard would it be to get to these two options?  In other words, how far away are they?  One that is sort of closer in might offer more opportunities for the kids to hang out with friends after school.  Are you willing/able/comfortable with inviting kids over upon occasion?  FWIW, most of my closest friendships were not forged at school, although I frequently met them there.  They were forged in opportunities to just hang out AFTER school.  During school things are more surface because there really isn't a ton of time to hang out, talk, share, etc.

 

:grouphug:

[regentrude]

A few questions to ponder:

Which of the schooling options serves their educational needs better?

Are the class offerings at the homeschool academy academically comparable to the private school?

Why do you think the kids will indeed form friendships when they attend either option? (My kids did not find friends while attending school).

Is school the only way to meet their social needs? (My kids found friends through their extracurricular interests, but they pursued their activities several days a week,  not just twice a month.)

 

I would have sent my kids back to school only if the school could have offered better (or at least comparable) academics than my homeschool; I was not willing to settle for a lower educational level. 

 

 

Edited December 13, 2016 by regentrude

[clementine]

Outside of our co-op, the only available times my kiddos were able to hang out with friends was after 'normal' school hours.  We were busy with our own schooling during that time - whether it be field trips, noses in books, or piano lessons.  So, school kids in our area were available to get together.

 

If your kids haven't made local friends yet, I would maybe start there?  If, after the remainder of this year, the social aspect of homeschooling isn't working and is a deal-breaker, I'd look for the best place academically for my kids.  

[JadeOrchidSong]

The homeschool academy offers 1.5 hour long classes. Students take one or five classes, depending on their needs. The more you take the more you may see your classmates. Parents drop off and pick up when the class is over, so there is no hang out after school option. I am totally open to kids coming over to my house to hang out. I can encourage ds to scout out whom he would like to pursue friendship with and invite those.

The private school has been their scout meeting location for a few years. We know several students and families there. The art teacher and science teacher are both our close friends and so our children go to the same youth group meetings. So there is this good start there. But the cost may be much higher than just taking three or four classes at the homeschool academy. And I do not know how PSEO will look if they go to private school. I feel I have more control over their overall high school planning, PSEO, and graduation if they go to the local homeschool academy.

 

 

ETA: Both are within 15-20 minutes drive on local road, very easy, so no problem there.

Edited December 13, 2016 by JadeOrchidSong

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Have you had any luck with non-school opportunities, such as Civil Air Patrol, sports, music, volunteerism, or scouts? My older boys never did make friends in either brick and mortar school or homeschool settings; they met people through shared interests and activities that had a purpose.

 

(edited, sorry, I just reread the OP and had missed the scouting! I apologize for reading too fast!)

Edited December 13, 2016 by Tibbie Dunbar

[clementine]

I meant hang out after school with kids that live in your area?

 

Our kids ate lunch between classes (brought from home) with other kids - that was their 'free social time' during the co-op day.  Our co-op was quite a distance for us too, so the only time my kids saw those friends was on that day of the week.  

 

PSEO has been much like our co-op.  The kids meet classmates/friends in their classes, but don't hang out much outside of the school day.  They will meet in the college coffee shop or library to study or talk during breaks between classes, but many of those kids live on campus, have jobs, or commute to different towns.  

 

[JadeOrchidSong]

Thanks for the thoughts offered. Please keep them coming. I will show them to dh.

You know what? I do feel that the online classes offer very high quality teaching, especially Clover Creek Science, which I enjoy very much as well! I am able to mentor ds just the same as I taught Latin to them for a few years.

To be honest, both boys have grown a lot from their online classes in time and expectation management. They also have the opportunities to work with teachers of diverse personalities and styles and manage to live with the ones that are not as well organized. I do have many good things to say about the classes they take in my siggie. :-)

[Arcadia]

The more you take the more you may see your classmates. Parents drop off and pick up when the class is over, so there is no hang out after school option.

My kids took two homeschool class in 2015/16 and 2014/15. Their classmates were different for both classes. So they still only get to see their classmates once a week.

 

We are looking at private secular for 2018/2019 for oldest for purely social reasons. Since applications would be due in December 2017, we still have time to discuss dual enrollment options with various schools. I don't drive so afterschool activities in school is what we are looking at.

 

My neighbors' high school kids have their sports, drama and music (band) in school for afterschool so it makes life lots easier for them. Some of our high schools have a late 5pm bus.

[snowbeltmom]

I would only send my kids back to a traditional school if I felt the academics were better than what I could provide at home.  As others have said, there is no guarantee that your kids will develop meaningful friendships in a traditional school setting.  I have more than one friend who has a child in the traditional high school setting and the child is miserable and can't wait to graduate and get out of the environment.  

 

My kids have had the same friends for years.  All of them attend different schools, but they share common interests outside of school.  Are there activities close-by that your kids could get involved in?  Does your state permit homeschoolers to participate in after-school activities?  

 

Regarding online classes...my kids are taking online classes with WTM.  They have more interaction in those classes than I ever had in my high school classes back in the day.  I wouldn't discount online classes that have live sessions each week.  

 

Good luck in making a decision and finding social opportunities for your kids.   :grouphug:

[GoVanGogh]

I recently started a local high school social group. I set up a Facebook group, then set up an activity and advertised it on Facebook and emailed every homeschool group I knew in the area, asking that word be spread around to any high school aged homeschoolers they knew of. We have had a wonderful response! I have homeschooled for 10 years in this area and it seems like people are coming out of the woodwork! The one thing all the moms say - without a co-op in high school ages, it has been almost impossible to find teens! I have surveyed the families that have attended to get feedback on best days of the week for events and ideas of what their kids would be interested in attending. Most of the feedback has been for active outings - hiking, bowling, laser tag, rock climbing, escape rooms, etc.

[SweetandSimple]

I'm also weighing options for my DS's freshman year next year.

 

I had thought that a local twice-weekly academic homeschool academy was going to be a good idea, but the more that I think about it, the more that I don't think it will be the best option.

 

We have done a lot of homeschool classes in the past, and no friendships have ever been forged. Like you mentioned, when kids are picked up right after class, there isn't much opportunity to really get to know each other.

 

Also, homeschooling is hard! There are definite perks, but some of those get lost when you have to deal with homeschool academy class teachers and busywork and  schedules, etc.  And usually there are not a ton of different options for each class time slot, so the subject and level of work are usually not ideal for each student. So you lose control, and time, but still have to do the real work of homeschooling.

 

I don't know. I'm beginning to think that I either want to enroll him in school OR just teach the subjects myself with some online classes.  The "middle ground" homeschool academy seems like it might just have too many cons.

[HomeAgain]

My son was isolated his freshman year.  We lost our co-op, moved, and unless we were willing to sign a Statement of Faith nobody wanted anything to do with us to meet his social needs.  It was.........difficult. 

 

We put him in school his sophomore year (he picked which school, and opted for a small, very close to home one).  It was the best thing for him.

-They taught subjects he wasn't exposed to at home

-He had dedicated, wonderful teachers who encouraged him in math and art

-He made friends.  FRIENDS.  And took up sports and math competitions and drama...things he was never really interested in before, but having friends who did these things made him look harder.

-He's gotten different opportunities than he did at home.

 

It was the right choice for him.  He needed the different perspectives, the various viewpoints in his classes.  He needed to bat ideas around with other people.  And he needed space to grow.  There are only 60 kids in his graduating class this year and every child got individualized attention.  They allowed him to bend his schedule to fit his wants (right now he takes a half day course load) and pushed him out of his comfort zone.

 

I thought we would homeschool all the way through, but I can honestly say I'm comfortable in the choice we made to send him to school.

[madteaparty]

We are having this debate at my house currently, but basically he will go to school for the APs and the socialization. We could do better at home, especially because two great DE options plus the great online classes, but he specifically needs APs. We hope the local school will accommodate.

He has taken online classes since 5th grade and in our experience they don't come close to solving the socialization issue. And my kid is not a strange loner either. There are reasons for online classes, but socialization is not one of them here. Also, my kid doesn't have a sport or any built-in socialization vehicle like that. His best friend is in college full time. So he hangs out with DH and I. Thankfully we are young and cool *and can do sports and travel and such with him 🙄. It's not enough, but also going to school so he can play seems silly too.

*sarcasm

Edited December 14, 2016 by madteaparty

[BlsdMama]

Thanks for the thoughts offered. Please keep them coming. I will show them to dh.

You know what? I do feel that the online classes offer very high quality teaching, especially Clover Creek Science, which I enjoy very much as well! I am able to mentor ds just the same as I taught Latin to them for a few years.

To be honest, both boys have grown a lot from their online classes in time and expectation management. They also have the opportunities to work with teachers of diverse personalities and styles and manage to live with the ones that are not as well organized. I do have many good things to say about the classes they take in my siggie. :-)

 

So what you're saying is: Up and to this point I'm very happy with what we've chosen.  However, I currently see a need I cannot fill and I *want* to fill that need/request and so these are my two options for doing so.

 

 

If I am assuming that both are academically suitable, and it sounds as though they are, then I'd ask you two questions:

 

1. Which choice suits your family best so that you can stay plugged in with these two boys and still maintain the close relationship that homeschooling affords while doing something different that adds more to your kiddos?

2. Which choice affords you the most options for the outside relationships you are hoping to help the boys form?

 

I know in our family, that would look like the Academy.  I'd still have plenty of time with kiddos while giving them some of those outside opportunities.  We have a better shot at connecting with a couple *families* rather than just a kid to kid relationship which would be great.  I would still have a good deal of flexibility from year to year (5 classes was CRAZY, let's scale back to one - or vice versa, two wasn't nearly enough, sign me up for four) all the while maintaining the control over things like PSEO classes.

 

But your needs might be different.  So, assuming both are educational acceptable, that's where my head would be wandering.

[Julie of KY]

Yes, teenagers need socialization, but will they get it in school? Maybe.

We have found social outlets in our homeschool co-op, church, boy scouts, ultimate frisbee. I'm not sure what your area offers, but school is often still not a time for socialization. It sounds like your area is lacking in other opportunities.

[Mom22ns]

So what you're saying is: Up and to this point I'm very happy with what we've chosen.  However, I currently see a need I cannot fill and I *want* to fill that need/request and so these are my two options for doing so.

 

 

If I am assuming that both are academically suitable, and it sounds as though they are, then I'd ask you two questions:

 

1. Which choice suits your family best so that you can stay plugged in with these two boys and still maintain the close relationship that homeschooling affords while doing something different that adds more to your kiddos?

2. Which choice affords you the most options for the outside relationships you are hoping to help the boys form?

 

I know in our family, that would look like the Academy.  I'd still have plenty of time with kiddos while giving them some of those outside opportunities.  We have a better shot at connecting with a couple *families* rather than just a kid to kid relationship which would be great.  I would still have a good deal of flexibility from year to year (5 classes was CRAZY, let's scale back to one - or vice versa, two wasn't nearly enough, sign me up for four) all the while maintaining the control over things like PSEO classes.

 

But your needs might be different.  So, assuming both are educational acceptable, that's where my head would be wandering.

 

This covers my thoughts exactly. I wouldn't hesitate to put them in either situation if they are both academically appropriate for your kids. I would look at academics first. Can your kids sit in for a day at each? They might get a better feel for which one they like better. 

 

Forming friendships isn't guaranteed, but obviously they can't form friendships if they are never around other kids. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that need and looking for a way to meet it. I would have been inclined to start with the homeschool academy because of the flexibility. You could mix it with some online classes and some classes you teach and get variety and flexibility. However, that's just me. Pick the one that fits your family best and go for it.

[Hilltopmom]

I recently started a local high school social group. I set up a Facebook group, then set up an activity and advertised it on Facebook and emailed every homeschool group I knew in the area, asking that word be spread around to any high school aged homeschoolers they knew of. We have had a wonderful response! I have homeschooled for 10 years in this area and it seems like people are coming out of the woodwork! The one thing all the moms say - without a co-op in high school ages, it has been almost impossible to find teens! I have surveyed the families that have attended to get feedback on best days of the week for events and ideas of what their kids would be interested in attending. Most of the feedback has been for active outings - hiking, bowling, laser tag, rock climbing, escape rooms, etc.

This! We stopped running a co op this year & started sponsoring teen "social" get togethers- corn maze, movie night, bowling, paint ball, etc all on the menu (once per month only). All our teens are into other activities though- dance, 4 H, robotics, etc, otherwise, only once a month wouldn't be enough.

We stopped looking for " homeschoolers only" stuff too & are trying to get more involved in community activities- classes, theater, etc

[RootAnn]

I empathize with your dilemma. Several of my kids have high social needs. I didn't realize how important this would get.

 

Our little town has finally started to have more teens stay homeschooling and they are arranging teen nights, book clubs, bowling, etc. Dd#1 has online friends, homeschooling friends, summer camp (email) friends, and one public school friend (from drivers ed this past summer). It is not enough yet, but hopefully will get better when more of them can drive themselves.

 

Mine don't want to go to public school, so that is not an option. Good luck!

[Harriet Vane]

I homeschooled my daughter all the way through, but ds has chosen to attend a brick-and-mortar school. 

 

He loves it. Loooooooooves it. His classes are mostly fabulous. His science and math are far superior, and he has access to classes like programming or art or choir. I do miss him, but he is so happy there. It has been a great choice for him.

[MorningGlory]

I am so torn and so miserable.

 

:grouphug:  to you, friend. 

[...................]

My dd is needing more accountability and more social life.  Next year she will take all her electives at one Homeschool Academy and almost all of her other courses at another Homeschool Academy.  She will do Derek Owens math.  She will be out of the house 1.5 days per week and still have lots of time at home.  She also has youth group and swimming, though which it looks like dried up for your boys.

 

Personally I love the *idea* of a one-stop-shop.  I enjoyed school as a child and my small, traditional Catholic schools were wonderful.  I think the school would be more complete, less work for you, and they would eventually really be "part of things"....

 

HOWEVER every time I look into a Christian school for my dd the one-size-fits-all approach just doesn't look right, and there is also the money.  My dd will attend both homeschool academy classes, including two electives for less than 3k.  The cheapest local school we have is 10k.  BUT whether your student really feels "part of things" is kind of hit or miss.  

 

((HUGS))

[Hilltopmom]

I responded up thread about setting up purely social stuff for our homeschool teen group, but wanted to add that we've really tried to branch out into community activities- getting out with adults & peers

 

Dd does dance 4 classes a week plus teacher assists for two,

she volunteers all day once per week at the public library & earlier this year at assistive living,

Lots of online social contact with summer camp friends

 

Ds takes classes at the CC, games at a DnD group ( for adults & teens), does robotics in 2 groups, & an internship

 

Our small rural area with college town also has all sorts of adult/ teen intended interest groups: board gaming, chess clubs, astronomy clubs, open mic nights, art classes, community theater....

 

You may try finding friendships in those types of interest groups. (Just takes a lot more drivinh than sending them to school..)

[katilac]

It's tough. We had a good social group for a while, but a cluster of graduates really decimated it. 

 

I personally would probably try the homeschool academy first, because it sounds like it would offer more flexibility and the option for fewer classes. There may be fewer socializing opportunities "built in," so to speak, but it gets them out there with other kids, and it seems like there should be chances to build on that base of people. Is there a donut or coffee shop nearby where the kids could meet up before or after classes? That could be the teen version of park day. Are there any extra classrooms or outdoor space where the kids could have clubs and other outside activities? Might they be open to the idea of a club, study hall, or other more social option being offered as a class? Something as simple as dropping the kids off a bit early would help.

 

We start DE at the local university in 11th grade. It's not been a source of deep or lasting friendships thus far, but it does offer them interaction and casual friendship, and it was the best academic choice. 

 

If you start at the homeschool academy, you can always move on to the local school if needed, it doesn't close any doors. 

[apregont]

I understand your sadness.  This year my 2nd-born started his 10th grade year in public school.  After completing his first semester, I have realized this is the best thing for HIM.  He is not getting as good an education, but he is growing in other ways.  Always a loner and introvert, he is now part of JROTC and exploring other leadership opportunities that I could never provide through homeschooling.  My other 4 children still want to be homeschool...even my oldest extravert who is in 11th grade.  This one attends 2 youth groups to help meet his social needs.  I can tell you that even though I live in a city, the homeschooling population seems to dwindle once kids are in high school.  It is a lonely place for a lot of homeschoolers.  Although I miss my son who is in public school and lament his educational deficits, I must admit that it has been the best choice for him.  I've had to put aside a lot of my own feelings and pride.