Veteran Homeschool moms, what advice would you give to a new homeschooling mom?

[mommyoffive]

What advice would you give?

 

Do more of this...

 

Do less of that...

 

Stress less about this...

 

Put more of a focus on this....

 

 

Anything else?

 

 

Edited June 28, 2016 by mommyoffive

[MegP]

Do more connecting and less correcting.

[Ethel Mertz]

For what age group?

[mommyoffive]

For what age group?

 

Any an all?

 

I am not a new hs mom, but I feel like I am stepping into a new ball game.  My oldest is 10, so the middle and high school years feels so different than the primary stuff.

[Guest]

I'm only on my third year, so I don't feel like a veteran. But my advice would be: don't be afraid to change things, don't be afraid to experiment, realize some things aren't going to work and you aren't a failure because of that, and join the WTM forum and listen to Pam Barnhill and Sarah McKenzie's podcasts. I think those realizations would have opened my horizons a little sooner. But I knew no homeschoolers and had only found one blog which gave me this very "this is the way you must do it" mentality. I had to learn about the flexibility which is honestly to me, one of the greatest things about homeschooling. :)

[Mosaicmind]

I've been homeschooling for 18 years and one what I see as important isn't what I thought was important during the early years. In the trenches when I was homeschooling all 7 of my kids, all I was doing is making sure we all got fed and lived to the next day. I put lots of emphasis on getting it all done and that they understood what they were learning.

 

Today, I'm homeschooling our last 2 kids and we are doing high school, which is new for them and me. I wanted these years to be different so I've learned to not push all of the time because it will get done. Also, I've decided that the core subjects are important but more important is teaching them manners, life skills, about their faith, and how to manage their time. School subjects are important but so is the other stuff.

 

Learning to really like being with your kids is important. Taking the time during the day to get to know them is important.

[Garga]

Pick one curric for each subject (if you are picking curric and not creating your own from scratch.)

 

I used to be the queen of "we'll do X math, plus I'll supplement with Y math, and we'll play math games, too!" If you have kids with really high IQs who want to do all that, fine. But if you have kids that are on the average to above-average scale, then just pick one thing for each subject and call it a day.

 

Let them talk, too. I can get into wah-wah-wah lecture mode and not let anyone else say anything. Don't necessarily let them interrupt to be silly all day long, but do let them talk and do let them be a little silly from time to time.

 

I remember this from the book Hold Onto Your Kids: make sure each greet and goodbye is done well. For example, the kids were watching a video for an hour and a half while you did some things around the house and now you're all together about to do some work. Don't just jump right in. Take about a minute to reconnect. Greet each other again. "Hey, guys, how was the movie?" Give them a hug and a kiss and smile at them. You guys have been apart (albeit in the same house and only for an hour and a half) and need to reconnect. Do this first thing in the morning, first thing when you or they walk in the front door after being apart, and after any bit of time apart doing separate activities. Also, make good-byes special, too. A big hug before bed or when leaving the house, etc.

 

Even if you've reconnected with the kids, don't jump straight into homeschooling without another extra hug or kind word or smile.

 

Smile. It's easy to get into teacher mode and have a straight face when you're teaching. Especially if it's something complex like in math or something. Smile a lot. I signed up my son for Spanish classes with a local teacher in a classroom. We sat in on a class to check it out before we signed up. The teacher smiled at the kids the entire time. Just beamed at them. It was such a nurturing environment. All the kids were relaxed and raised their hands throughout the class. She smiled the entire time and said, "Good" or "Yes" whenever they got the right answer and very, very gently said, "Almost" when they didn't.

 

Have set times when you'll end each subject. Don't let them drag on forever...unless the kids want to. But most of the time, once you start a subject say, "We'll work on this for 30 minutes," and set a timer so the kids know when the class ends. Then take a 5-10 minute break before the next subject. This made my homeschool much better for the kids. I had the tendency to keep going and going and going, trying to drum things into their heads. But now, when that timer beeps, we stop, no matter what. We just stop. I thought it would be frustrating to do that, but it's not. It works really well.

 

Usually have a nice routine of how the day will run. (Breakfast, then math, then music, then snack, then history, etc.). If that's a new idea to you it might take a while for the kids to get on board with it, but once they do (after a few weeks), it makes the day run smoother. This isn't always true for everyone. Some people really enjoy a bit of chaos. But most kids like a routine.

 

Above all, number one: relationship. (Like that greet/goodbye thing above.). Gentle answers as much as humanly possible...gentle answers. If something is going wrong, pause before speaking. Don't blurt out things that are too harsh. Pause and think of the gentlest way you can answer. Sometimes you'll have to be firm and not necessarily gentle, but whenever possible, be gentle in your speech. You can be loud if that's you, but say the nice thing whenever you can. Assume the best of them whenever you can. That's what I mean by 'gentle'.

Edited June 28, 2016 by Garga

[Amira]

Take things a year at a time.

 

And if you're homeschooling for non-academic reasons, don't forget that homeschooling is an academic endeavor too.

[Tita Gidge]

It's a marathon, not a race. I'd especially say this to someone transitioning from public or private school to home school. You have to account for an adjustment period - for the student, for the teacher, for the child, for the parent. You have to keep in mind the larger picture and not just a bad semester or passing attitude/phase.

 

You have to hold yourself to the same standard of judgment you would an outside school - you wouldn't pull a kid from public school over a semester struggling with math content, nor should you pull a kid from home school because of a "hard" semester learning academic content. You'd find tutors, talk to the teacher, evaluate supplemental work, you'd give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and work towards a reasonable solution. The home school teacher deserves the same consideration and approach, instead of the go-to being to second-guess the decision to home school.

 

 

[thessa516]

There has been so much great advice given on these boards. Here's my favorite for working on copy work and narration by Nan in Mass.

[PeacefulChaos]

Well, I'm not a veteran, but I would sum up homeschooling like this:

 

You do you.

 

In other words, use what works for you*, when it works for you, how it works for you.

What works for you: Don't be swayed by others if you are doing you and it's working. Have confidence in doing you.

If you hate something, don't be afraid to drop it even if 'other people' say you shouldn't or even if it works for your kids. Homeschooling is not just about the kids. There will be something else out there that they'll like equally well that you don't despise.

If the kids hate something and you decide it's optional, don't be afraid to drop it regardless of what others say.

When it works for you: time of day doesn't matter, what days don't matter, what time of year doesn't matter. Scheduling doesn't matter - I personally don't do scheduled times, other people do, it doesn't matter either way.

How it works for you: where doesn't matter, what format it's in doesn't matter, and whether or not the material is taught exactly according to the publishers recommendation doesn't matter.

 

Reiterating: YOU DO YOU.

 

*you and your family is understood.

Edited June 28, 2016 by PeacefulChaos

[lllll]

nm

Edited July 10, 2016 by ~ d9n

[Garga]

I thought of one more. Now be careful with this one and don't let yourself get beat up over it.

 

After a year where I slacked on teaching, I realized that if my kids were sent to a school and I found out that the teacher was slacking the way that *I* had been slacking, I'd have been furious.

 

Don't take this too far, but if you find that you're slacking (and be honest with yourself), consider whether you'd let anyone else get away with slacking on your kids.

 

This is not talking about taking a shorter day than public school. This is not talking about having the kids do traditional school bent over desks.

 

This is talking about taking a good hard look at yourself and being honest with whether or not you're ignoring your own goals for no good reason other than you stayed up too late playing Candy Crush. Or you ended up taking a 2 hour lunch break because you were here on the boards and now the kids don't want to study so you let them go, even though you know in your heart you should have stopped being online an hour and a half ago.

 

If you're working steadily and working toward your goals honestly and are putting in effort then the above isn't for you. But if you're letting yourself slide and have an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind that maybe you're letting things get out of hand, then take stock and make the appropriate changes.

Edited June 28, 2016 by Garga

[Shelly in IL]

Make sure you get out enough. Take care of yourself - mentally and physically. I am finishing up after 20 years of being a sahm. I just got a small job (15 hours). It's amazing how much of my old personality is coming back mik so much more smiley. Not saying someone had to work but get out. Stay social and engaged. It makes a world of difference in your relationships with your family.

[Ellie]

Stay home as much as possible, especially until at least 3 in the afternoon. Except for park day. If your support group has a park day, do that. Unless it's weekly. Do it monthly. Because stay home as much as possible.

 

Yes, it is possible to homeschool and have a tidy home. :-)

 

Let things like scouts and 4-H count as school.

 

Don't try to explain to naysayers why you're homeschooling. It doesn't matter to them. Just don't be caught up in the argument. Let it go.

[Carrie12345]

What advice would you give?

 

Do more of this...

 

Do less of that...

 

Stress less about this...

 

Put more of a focus on this....

 

 

Anything else?

 

I've retired from giving advice.  If someone has a specific question, I'm happy to share my experience and clearly state that it's JUST my experience.  

 

I'm not anyone else.  Other people's kids aren't my kids.  I don't have the first clue what's right for anyone but us.

 

So I guess my REAL advice would be that everyone's is worthless.  :tongue_smilie:

[Carrie12345]

Stay home as much as possible, especially until at least 3 in the afternoon. Except for park day. If your support group has a park day, do that. Unless it's weekly. Do it monthly. Because stay home as much as possible.

 

Yes, it is possible to homeschool and have a tidy home. :-)

 

Let things like scouts and 4-H count as school.

 

Don't try to explain to naysayers why you're homeschooling. It doesn't matter to them. Just don't be caught up in the argument. Let it go.

 

See, those are all great things for some people.  If *I* took that advice, I'd lose my freaking mind!  Why would someone want to advise me to lose my mind?!?!

[fairfarmhand]

A rhythm and routine may work better than a schedule.

 

Teach the children you have not the children you wish you had.

 

Don't feel that you have to conquer it all the first year.

 

There's more to learn than you could possibly EVER teach, so there will be holes in your kids' educations. Just try to keep them from being TOO awfully glaring.

 

For most kids in grades 5-12, school needs to be the priority during the school day.

 

Take school as seriously as you would if your child was in a traditional classroom.

 

When you are frustrated, annoyed, tired and crabby, pretend to be a "real" teacher. IOW, professional teachers can't get away with screaming, crying, or rudeness. Nor can they take every day off because of whatever.... So I shouldn't give myself that lattitude either.

 

Advice is worth what you pay for it. :)

 

 

[SproutMamaK]

I think my advice for new homeschooling moms would be the same as my advice to new moms in general, which is:

There is no formula and no "right" way to do things. We're all just making things up as we go. Do what works, and when it doesn't work anymore, do something else that works. You'll make mistakes and get dirty, and so will your kids, and all you can do is the best thing at that moment (sometimes you can't even do that and have to make peace with doing the next best thing). Don't be tied to one concept or ideal or any person's ideas of what you should be doing. Take what you see others doing, learn from it, use what works for you, and file the rest of the ideas away in case it comes in handy later. Do what works for your family, at that time, for your current needs, and don't feel beaten down if it's totally different from what everyone around you is doing.

In other words, as PeacefulChaos said.... you do you.

[Ellie]

See, those are all great things for some people.  If *I* took that advice, I'd lose my freaking mind!  Why would someone want to advise me to lose my mind?!?!

 

Which things? Stay home? But you aren't staying home all the time. You're staying at home during the day, the most productive time to spend with your children, without having to finish up so you can get out of the house, which means half your mind is on the getting out and not on what's happening at home.

 

And of course, each of us shares things which we think are important. We understand that not all people will want to do the same things, even if we don't actually say it out loud. :-) But I have counseled *so* many people who were frazzled, whose homes were in shambles, whose children were cranky and who couldn't stand being at home with their parents and siblings, because they were on the go and out of the house several days a week. So I put that in there. If it helps you, great; if not, great. :-) But if nothing else, I hope it will help new homeschoolers to try staying home first, because there are so many things to discover there. :-)

[Donna]

Teach the child you have.

Chose curriculum that fits your child and don't try to fit your child to the curriculum.

 

[Guest2]

Pick one curric for each subject (if you are picking curric and not creating your own from scratch.)

 

I used to be the queen of "we'll do X math, plus I'll supplement with Y math, and we'll play math games, too!" If you have kids with really high IQs who want to do all that, fine. But if you have kids that are on the average to above-average scale, then just pick one thing for each subject and call it a day.

 

Let them talk, too. I can get into wah-wah-wah lecture mode and not let anyone else say anything. Don't necessarily let them interrupt to be silly all day long, but do let them talk and do let them be a little silly from time to time.

 

I remember this from the book Hold Onto Your Kids: make sure each greet and goodbye is done well. For example, the kids were watching a video for an hour and a half while you did some things around the house and now you're all together about to do some work. Don't just jump right in. Take about a minute to reconnect. Greet each other again. "Hey, guys, how was the movie?" Give them a hug and a kiss and smile at them. You guys have been apart (albeit in the same house and only for an hour and a half) and need to reconnect. Do this first thing in the morning, first thing when you or they walk in the front door after being apart, and after any bit of time apart doing separate activities. Also, make good-byes special, too. A big hug before bed or when leaving the house, etc.

 

Even if you've reconnected with the kids, don't jump straight into homeschooling without another extra hug or kind word or smile.

 

Smile. It's easy to get into teacher mode and have a straight face when you're teaching. Especially if it's something complex like in math or something. Smile a lot. I signed up my son for Spanish classes with a local teacher in a classroom. We sat in on a class to check it out before we signed up. The teacher smiled at the kids the entire time. Just beamed at them. It was such a nurturing environment. All the kids were relaxed and raised their hands throughout the class. She smiled the entire time and said, "Good" or "Yes" whenever they got the right answer and very, very gently said, "Almost" when they didn't.

 

Have set times when you'll end each subject. Don't let them drag on forever...unless the kids want to. But most of the time, once you start a subject say, "We'll work on this for 30 minutes," and set a timer so the kids know when the class ends. Then take a 5-10 minute break before the next subject. This made my homeschool much better for the kids. I had the tendency to keep going and going and going, trying to drum things into their heads. But now, when that timer beeps, we stop, no matter what. We just stop. I thought it would be frustrating to do that, but it's not. It works really well.

 

Usually have a nice routine of how the day will run. (Breakfast, then math, then music, then snack, then history, etc.). If that's a new idea to you it might take a while for the kids to get on board with it, but once they do (after a few weeks), it makes the day run smoother. This isn't always true for everyone. Some people really enjoy a bit of chaos. But most kids like a routine.

 

Above all, number one: relationship. (Like that greet/goodbye thing above.). Gentle answers as much as humanly possible...gentle answers. If something is going wrong, pause before speaking. Don't blurt out things that are too harsh. Pause and think of the gentlest way you can answer. Sometimes you'll have to be firm and not necessarily gentle, but whenever possible, be gentle in your speech. You can be loud if that's you, but say the nice thing whenever you can. Assume the best of them whenever you can. That's what I mean by 'gentle'.

 

^ I puffy heart love this advice!!!

[TheReader]

I just graduated my first, who was home schooled (with some outside classes, especially in high school) all the way through, and have my 2nd high schooler now and a late elementary student with learning disabilities.

 

My advice would be to remember that history, science, and other extras do not have to be mastered, especially in elementary school or even junior high. Those home school kids who can spout facts and trivia and details that even college professors will be impressed by.....those aren't every home school kid. Yours might not be that kid, your kid might understand but not master, if that makes sense, and that is okay. If he understands the content in the moment, but doesn't remember next week, that is okay (particularly in the early years).

 

On the flip side, math must be mastered. Stop, make sure the functions are truly mastered before moving on. Don't focus on grade level, focus on when your child is ready to move to the next level. Or not. Stay in one book as long as you need to, make sure there aren't gaps, because when they get to advanced math and still don't remember math facts, it will really slow them down. If they don't truly know how to work with fractions, keep working until they do. If they aren't getting it, switch things up, try having your spouse/partner teach math, find a tutor, etc. but don't just go to the next thing until they are ready.

 

Don't sweat all the books. They will read the classics sometime. If it happens during homeschool, great. If it happens in college, cool. If it isn't until they are an adult, no problem.

 

Definitely work towards a student who can manage his own schedule, juggle his own assignments, plan his days/weeks, keep up with due dates, etc. Don't forget to teach life skills, cooking, laundry, cleaning, how to mail a letter, car care, etc. Remember that whatever path the student will take after high school, independence outside the home is the end goal (barring any special needs, of course). Work towards that, don't just assume the student will know how to do those this. Teach how to study, how to schedule, etc.

 

Enjoy it. Have fun. Take breaks. Be flexible. Don't over schedule. Don't over slack, either. Find the rhythm that fits your family. For example, we are not morning people, so we never started until after lunch. DH gets home from work late in the evening, so this worked and we were able to finish before he got home, even though we started "late" by many standards. It worked for us, though, and everyone worked better. Find the rhythm that works for you.

[ttribe]

My greatest regret is pushing so hard to accomplish everything each day despite what stress it might cause.  When they were little, I wish we enjoyed our days more, rather than being so focused on "doing." I was always worried about them learning everything, when in reality they had so much time ahead of them to learn everything they needed.  I'm not saying to neglect school!  I just wish I had been less stressed.  

[Anne in CA]

The biggest mistakes I have made or seen people make is give up a program when it gets hard and the kids don't like it. You can't like everything all the time. There is so much satisfaction in figuring it out and pushing through. Your kids are smarter than you think they are and can do more than you think they can, almost always.

 

The best thing I did was a half hour of read aloud to start the day with. I did ten minutes of the Bible and twenty minutes of a good book and the kids are great readers who KNOW what the Bible really says, not what people try to tell them it says, lol.

 

I also did insist on a certain amount of math every day no matter how long it took because that was our weakness and not doing it every day was a slippery slope.

[Desert Strawberry]

My greatest regret is pushing so hard to accomplish everything each day despite what stress it might cause.  When they were little, I wish we enjoyed our days more, rather than being so focused on "doing." I was always worried about them learning everything, when in reality they had so much time ahead of them to learn everything they needed.  I'm not saying to neglect school!  I just wish I had been less stressed.  

Yes. This. 

Don't push. It just makes everything harder for everyone. It's better to do less and really understand and enjoy it than to do more and have everyone end up in tears.

Your children will not learn more if you make them do more. And even if they did, it wouldn't be worth it.

[fairfarmhand]

I have a whole separate list for high school

 

High school is doable, but it takes commitment and you can't do it in the same way that you did elementary. It's supposed to be challenging.

 

Many many high schoolers do not "teach themselves." and that's ok. You will have to do something with these kids or you'll have to pay someone to do something with them.

 

Many teens are happy to stay home hanging with their younger siblings, but not all are. In fact, its in the teen years that an age difference of 2 years between siblings can seem drastic. It's entirely okay if your kids desire to seek out same aged peers. But that means for non-driving teens that parents have to help with this stuff.

 

Some teens are not social butterflies and they are not malajusted oddball homeschoolers for needing downtime or time alone.

 

Listen to your teen on the above social topics and give them what THEY need. You will be glad that you did. My social butterfly is much more compliant, cheerful and cooperative when her social needs are met.

 

Every social activity doesn't need to academically oriented. Most of the time, my teens simply want to hang out, eat and play games and talk. They don't want to waste friend time on learning.

[OnTheBrink]

At the high school level, I had my kids take more ownership over their education. I let them go to conventions with me and pick materials. Core subjects were non-negotiable, but they had input on curriculum. They didn't always get the final say, but I did have them look at different curricula and tell me what they liked or didn't like about it. They could choose electives, but they had to see them through to the end. They also had to make their own schedules and set their own deadlines. Naturally, I supervised and gave input when I thought the goals were unrealistic, and there were times things seemed nearly impossible, but we persevered and this one thing really prepared them for college, in the areas of time and project management. My dd, who fussed and whined and fought being "forced" to grow up now thanks me for making her do this. 

 

Something else I'd suggest, and I think this may have been mentioned by someone else, is don't get caught up in a program that you love, but doesn't fit your child. I thought Tapestry of Grace was wonderful--DD hated the idea of all that literature and reading. Forcing her to take that on would have been a nightmare. So, don't get caught up in the glamour and hype of a shiny program if it's not something your child will be able to use and learn with. It's not worth the angst. 

 

Lastly, remember why you're doing this, whatever your reasons are. That'll help get through the difficult days.