footballmom Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Sigh...so I recently posted an update about my middle child who started public school a few weeks ago. Bottom line is he really enjoys it because he was feeling "lonely" at home even though he plays with neighborhood kids every day and we do a ton of groups, sports, etc. His driver for going to school is to find his "people" and enjoy the social aspect. We had completed most of our curriculum so he's been able to coast academically and focus on enjoying what brought him to public school. He has said he thinks he wants to go to PS next year but then come home the following year when he would start middle school. He feels like next year his grade is the shining star of the school and he wants that experience. The school plays up the "graduating class" with a lot of different things throughout the year. But, I really feel like he gets such a better education at home and he has this light and sweetness about him that we've been able to maintain from being home. I don't think PS is a bad place, per se, but I'm starting to see him come home and argue more intensely with his siblings and I don't like it. I also know there are many things academically that I feel are important for his grade next year that the PS does not cover. I'm feeling stressed because money is due in about 4 weeks for HS activities and co-ops I had committed us to before he started PS. Also, there is one group I had signed him and my youngest up for and I don't know if I want to do it or not with just the youngest if middle goes back to PS. DH is telling me to not spend any money when it is due for these classes because DS doesn't want to be home next year. So, WWYD? I keep praying that the Lord will lead him home because I don't want to crush his desire to return to PS next year. As the parent and adult, I feel like he's better off at home but I don't want this child with a hurting heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 (edited) It's a really tough one. You already gave PS a shot, you are already seeing attitudes/behavior you don't want for your family. And I'm afraid it will only get worse. There are classes/co-ops/other activities he can do. I'm not sure I'd sacrifice our lifestyle and our peace as a homeschooling family just because he wants to. What does your dh think? Has he seen the negative changes you have noticed? ETA: we educated our oldest in a PS, in a decent area and a somewhat decent school. If we could do it all again we'd homeschool her...we just don't want the environment the PS has to offer. Our other kids are home, and we see such a difference with friends and family members that go to PS. If there are issues why one of our kids would benefit from going to PS I am sure we'd consider it, but for the reasons you mentioned for your son? I'm not sure what we'd do, but something tells me we just wouldn't go for it Edited June 3, 2016 by mamiof5 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catalytic Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 But, I really feel like he gets such a better education at home and he has this light and sweetness about him that we've been able to maintain from being home. I don't think PS is a bad place, per se, but I'm starting to see him come home and argue more intensely with his siblings and I don't like it. ^ is the sole reason a friend is pulling her child out of school to HS next year. (He's in K, and is a 2e kiddo) He comes home and is just hell on wheels after school. She said he's fine on the weekends. She said when she volunteers in his classroom, the children behave horribly (one hit the teacher with a chair a few weeks ago, he got sent to the principal for a talking to, and that's it), and the teachers have little control. Thankfully, there's only one "bad" kid in my DS' classroom, and that kiddo breaks my heart. He's had to eat lunch alone ALL YEAR due to his behavior, I think 5 is awful young to be alienated like that :-( I'm sure the school has tried to find another solution (I really do like DS current school), and maybe there's some issues I'm unaware of, but it's really sad when my son comes home and tells me "Adrian" was on red ALL WEEK. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 If you and your husband aren't on the same page on this, I don't see how this would work. I would take an elementary age child's desires into account, but it would still be the decision of the parents in our house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 He who hath the gold rules. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 He has said he thinks he wants to go to PS next year but then come home the following year when he would start middle school. ... I don't think PS is a bad place, per se, but I'm starting to see him come home and argue more intensely with his siblings and I don't like it. I also know there are many things academically that I feel are important for his grade next year that the PS does not cover. There is a ramp up in expectations locally for 6th grade (middle school) so I can understand wanting the fun of being in the graduating class in elementary school. As for the arguing, I do allow arguing but not quarreling or verbal mud slinging. When it cross the line for my kids, hubby or I will step in depending on who heard them. My boys have been in public school and homeschool, as well as outsourced classes. My youngest was more drama at 9 and we just deal with the behavior regardless of how he is schooled. As for what the PS does not cover, if your husband would rather he stay in school for 2016/17, maybe work on an afterschooling plan? Also since your son's aim for the coming school year is to have fun, maybe get some academics that you want him to do done in Summer? I think you and your husband have to discuss and decide what you both agree on for him for 2016/17. If he wants to stay in school, and your husband is in agreement with that, it would make you look like the bad guy which would put you in a tough spot as the educator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I would just caution you in one respect--some of the behavior you might want to attribute to the effects of being in public school might really be just part of entering the logic stage and puberty. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 If he is THAT social, you might want to pull him out to prevent peer dependence. It's one thing to provide lots of outlets to social kids, it's another to have peers be their primary social group. Even assuming that the kids are basically good, you have to ask who you want influencing the majority of your kid's waking hours, particularly with a kid who seems to want it so much. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Bottom line-- you are the parent. Make the decision that is best for him and your family. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I would just caution you in one respect--some of the behavior you might want to attribute to the effects of being in public school might really be just part of entering the logic stage and puberty. Definitely. The age around middle school is very difficult. Homeschool will not prevent or shield your ds from the transition. There are a few kids who are great through this period and it doesn't have anything to do with school choice. Also, think homeschool will not work if your is not on the same page as you. If you are concerned with academics, I think your best bet may be to set up an after school/summer academic plan and get your dh to support it. Try to make public school contingent on doing this work or at least make this work come before extracurriculars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 He feels like next year his grade is the shining star of the school and he wants that experience. The school plays up the "graduating class" with a lot of different things throughout the year. I am concerned that he may think he can spend 5th grade academically coasting like he did the end of 4th grade. Also, the above concerns me because it sounds like he mostly wants to go to school to have the adoration of the younger students and the teachers. I'm not sure this is a trait I'd want to encourage in someone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I would just caution you in one respect--some of the behavior you might want to attribute to the effects of being in public school might really be just part of entering the logic stage and puberty.I kind of agree with this, kind of don't. Yes, lots of attitude etc can come with puberty, but it could definitely aggravated by what he's witnessing at the PS. It's hard to discern what is being influenced by the environment at the PS and what would he do regardless of. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 At that age, it would still mostly be a parental decision. But since you opened the door, I do think it's a bit harder. I'm not sure what I'd do. My kid went to K and 1st, and he was a bear after those long days and he did go back to being pretty darn delightful after we started homeschooling. There can be some parental head butting with tweens though. If he's just going into 5th, that's pretty young for a boy. My son's annoying air head years were 7th/8th grade. I guess it can vary. I do think when a teen wants to go to school and has their head on pretty straight, their thoughts should be taken pretty seriously. I think that's round about the time teens should be taking more ownership of their education. But before about age 12 or so depending on the kid, I think parents really need to measure advantages/disadvantages of different academic situations for their kids. The middle schools in our area are just awful and I'm happy to avoid those at all costs, but I'm totally open to sending my kids to high school if they want to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I think if you gave him the end of the year to try it, told him he could continue if he did well, he did well, and then you don't let him continue you will be doing some serious damage to your relationship with him. So I guess I'm wondering what was discussed before he started at the school this year? Would you be going back on your word if you make him homeschool? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 One of mine has a similar line of reasoning. I told him no. I am not sending him to school for that reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Sigh...so I recently posted an update about my middle child who started public school a few weeks ago. Bottom line is he really enjoys it because he was feeling "lonely" at home even though he plays with neighborhood kids every day and we do a ton of groups, sports, etc. His driver for going to school is to find his "people" and enjoy the social aspect. We had completed most of our curriculum so he's been able to coast academically and focus on enjoying what brought him to public school. He has said he thinks he wants to go to PS next year but then come home the following year when he would start middle school. He feels like next year his grade is the shining star of the school and he wants that experience. The school plays up the "graduating class" with a lot of different things throughout the year. But, I really feel like he gets such a better education at home and he has this light and sweetness about him that we've been able to maintain from being home. I don't think PS is a bad place, per se, but I'm starting to see him come home and argue more intensely with his siblings and I don't like it. I also know there are many things academically that I feel are important for his grade next year that the PS does not cover. I'm feeling stressed because money is due in about 4 weeks for HS activities and co-ops I had committed us to before he started PS. Also, there is one group I had signed him and my youngest up for and I don't know if I want to do it or not with just the youngest if middle goes back to PS. DH is telling me to not spend any money when it is due for these classes because DS doesn't want to be home next year. So, WWYD? I keep praying that the Lord will lead him home because I don't want to crush his desire to return to PS next year. As the parent and adult, I feel like he's better off at home but I don't want this child with a hurting heart. I would homeschool him. But I'm unclear on whether your dh supports this or not, and whether the dh would be a negative influence on the whole hs'ing with this ds? The "coasting academically" and the "arguing more intensely with his siblings" would concern me. If he 'coasted' for an entire year, does that mean he basically lost a year, academically? I wouldn't be happy about that. And I think if his attitude towards his siblings is due to the ps, it will only get worse (more entrenched??), and harder to backtrack on at a later point. Maybe that peer group is having more of a negative influence on your ds than you think? Can't tell. I guess I would start with the dh and get all that straightened out first. Then go from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 It sounds like just being in school for a couple weeks has already been a negative social influence (unless he's irritable because of lack of sleep). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 This is not a decision that children got to make in our house. We are the adults, we make the decisions. This is still a young child, not even in middle school. I'd make the decision. I'd honor the request for more/different/expanded social opportunities and work to make that happen but I wouldn't let the child make this decision, esp if you have concerns about the school or environment. I think you're worrying too much about making him happy/unhappy right now, this second. Of course we all want our kids to be happy but kids have parents for a reason - they need us to be able to take the long view & see the obstacles and challenges ahead. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SporkUK Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 I think if you gave him the end of the year to try it, told him he could continue if he did well, he did well, and then you don't let him continue you will be doing some serious damage to your relationship with him. So I guess I'm wondering what was discussed before he started at the school this year? Would you be going back on your word if you make him homeschool? :iagree: It would depend a lot to me on the discussion and agreements made before he went into school. Maybe some of those discussions and agreements need to be retweaked, particularly about expectations on behaviour and additional afterschool / weekend / summer work, but anything moving forward would depend on that. Life experiences are important and I know around here a lot of primary school final years go on trips and things that may be of great benefit and likely have great appeal; however, mistreatment of siblings and expecting a year of just those kids of experiences would cause me to pull a child up on his thinking and have a long conversation on expectations, their responsibilities, and more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 If he is THAT social, you might want to pull him out to prevent peer dependence. It's one thing to provide lots of outlets to social kids, it's another to have peers be their primary social group. Even assuming that the kids are basically good, you have to ask who you want influencing the majority of your kid's waking hours, particularly with a kid who seems to want it so much. I couldn't agree more. It's the kids that crave social interaction that need it the least and the ones that least want it that can be exposed without it changing them. My "social" kids are the ones I would least want in a school situation. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted June 4, 2016 Author Share Posted June 4, 2016 Thank you all SO MUCH for your perspectives. I felt so wrung out from it all when I posted. Just to clarify, he just started PS mid-April with the understanding he would finish out this school year and we would go from there to make decisions for next year. So, we haven't lost a year academically but I feel we would next year if he went with PS in 5th because we've covered many things they cover next year and would leave off some things I think are key. DH is not a super committed homeschool dad, but has over time become a fan of the flexibility it affords our family and the positives our kids have gained academically and personally. He had a great PS experience and hears and understands our middle child's desire to be around kids all day long. I recognize that it would be better for him to be committed or convicted, but I'm working with what I have and I pray for the Lord to grow his heart for homeschooling. I am not bashing him, just trying to state where he is. At the end of the day, he is not against homeschooling and does support me - he just isn't going to research curriculum or help with the heavy lifting on concrete teaching. God completely answered my prayers today and made a homeschool group option available that had been unavailable before. A friend also told me today about a group that meets another day that would be another significant "plus" to our homeschool next year. So, I feel that He is providing what we need for next year and I am just in awe of his timing. I don't know how DS will feel about it, but I feel very certain next year homeschooling is the right thing for him and our family. I have a lot of peace tonight! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 4, 2016 Share Posted June 4, 2016 Ultimately, you and your dh make the decision as you are the parents. You have to decide what is best for your son and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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