US: almost 1/3 of 18-34yo living w/ parents

[SparklyUnicorn]

I had the revelation the other day that current lifestyle (the one provided by us) is probably as good as it gets for many of this generation's kids. I think it's downhill from here. This is not as depressing of a thought because maybe they will learn to value different things, live in communes, etc.

 

I don't know.  For some reason I loathe the thought of living with my dad (my mother died many years ago).  We get along fine, but yeah I just really don't want to.  I think because he expects me to be very traditional.  I have 2 children and don't want a third overgrown one.  KWIM?  

 

But then now I look at my grandmother who lives alone in her own house.  She is in her late 80s and can longer be left alone.  So now 3 of her four kids, a hired helper, and various other family members have to all go there regularly to help.  Which is nice, but difficult for everyone.  I can't help but think it might be a better arrangement for her to be living with someone. 

[DawnM]

If I'm being perfectly honest -- I think it's very weird that people seem proud when their kids move out at a (relatively) young age, or think it's bad that adult kids live at home.  I hear of a situation where a kid left home young and my first thought is always along the lines of "Apparently the poor kid couldn't wait to get away."  And when I hear of adult children living with their parents my first thought is they must be a close, supportive and loving family.  I know those thoughts aren't always accurate, but they represent the overwhelming majority of the situations I've known about.  I also don't know of anyone who moved out of their parents house before 20-22 who didn't struggle for a very long time.  Conversely, those who left the nest a little later always seemed to do quite well.  The only exceptions I can think of to that are the (very) few people I've known who joined the military right after high school.

 

 

My situation may just be different, but I left home at 18 to go to college in another country half way around the world.  My parents stayed in Africa.  I had to manage on my own and did just fine, but I was very driven.

 

I think I have gone overboard the opposite way with my own children.  I went to boarding school from the age of 8.  I have homeschooled, not even sending them away for 7 hours per day!  :lol:

 

I am encouraging them to live at home as long as they choose.

[elegantlion]

I'm currently looking at houses with the possibility my mom and I would get one big enough for all three of us. Ds and I currently operate more like roommates at this point (except I remind him of his chores from time to time  :huh:). 

 

My mom is looking at the savings of having one household versus two (taxes, insurance, utilities), but the challenge is finding a house right for 3 independent people who like privacy. It's obviously a different discussion with an aging parent and me being a single parent. Wherever we go, having a space for ds is a priority even though he's going to transfer next year and will be in a different town. 

 

The part that will make this work for us is that we all like each other outside of the family relationship, we give each other space to be themselves, and we're in the process of setting clear rules about living together and trust each other to fulfill those rules. There are other family members that would not tolerate living with any of us - or us with them.  :laugh:

 

Personally ds is welcome to live at home as long it helps him move forward with his life - saving for travel, paying off debt, etc. 

 

 

[lailasmum]

Although, to take this a little more internationally, I was a little shocked to see the numbers of Londoners living with roommates in their 30s and 40s. Of course the real estate prices there are particularly high, but that is true of other big cities too.

 

I'm not against things like extended families become more the norm, or even different kinds of living arrangements for singles - a lot of people used to live in boarding houses and such. In many ways it's much more reasonable way to use resources. But I think it's a change worth noting, and it really bothers me that the richest keep earning more while this is going on.

About 13 yrs ago we lived in London and for the last 6 months of this were in a house share as a married couple with 3 other people around 25 to 30ish. My brother and his wife live in a house share in a different city and they are in their early 30s. It's so expensive to live in London and in a lot of the south of the UK (I'm not sure how things are further north).

 

I have also noticed that a lot of our friends who were older had missed that stage of extended renting and I think it's because you could buy a house with a much lower deposit earlier in life but something changed and it was harder get out on your own with normal wages and expenses whilst trying to save. I read an article that said that the average first time buyer deposit in the UK is around £33k this year. I can totally see why people live with family, we do, and it's not only financial. I think it can add a lot of stability. I've had friends trying to find places to live for a year because there's not much around and few have ended up living on campsites for months and it can still end up expensive and inappropriate when they find somewhere. So if there's a place to go that's with family it can make sense.

Edited May 30, 2016 by lailasmum

[TranquilMind]

"For the first time in at least 130 years, young people between the ages of 18 and 34 are more likely to be living at home with their parents than in any other living arrangement."

 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/young-people-living-at-home-1.3599364

 

It's an interesting change. In Canada it's higher, esp in cities with the crazy real estate prices. 

 

 

 

That is so strange to my generation.  We couldn't wait to be out the door (and no, it wasn't because of abuse or neglect).  My brother was thrilled to get an apartment with a friend at age 17.  I remember my parents dropping off bags of groceries now and then, just because "they were in the area". 

 

I do realize that it is for economic reasons. The economy never recovered.  Everyone has three part time jobs, it seems. 

 

Edited May 30, 2016 by TranquilMind

[SparklyUnicorn]

That is so strange to my generation.  We couldn't wait to be out the door (and no, it wasn't because of abuse or neglect).  My brother was thrilled to get an apartment with a friend at age 17.  I remember my parents dropping off bags of groceries now and then, just because "they were in the area". 

 

I do realize that it is for economic reasons. The economy never recovered.  Everyone has three part time jobs, it seems. 

 

 

Yeah not sure what generation you are from, but I'd say I was on the edge of this.  Edge of some people possibly managing it, but most people didn't.  And I lived in an expensive area.  There seriously was absolutely  no way I could have pulled that off.  One of the biggest reasons was lack of transportation.  Hard to have many job options that way and if you don't have a good job...no car.... 

 

So...

 

My mother ran away at 16 and got a good paying job for the phone company as a telephone operator.  I bet most phone companies don't hire 16 year olds at all anymore.  And for the lower level service jobs they don't pay all that well. 

 

She still had the attitude of you are 18 you are supposed to get out. She didn't throw me out, but I was under the impression she had to bite her tongue because that idea was pounded into her growing up.  She had issues though so that's a whole other discussion.  I moved out at 25. 

 

My kids can stay here as long as they want.  I'm so turned off by this "get out" attitude.  But you figure, my kids are pretty much the only family I have so I dunno, maybe that is why too. 

[gypsymama]

Well I have seen some of the kids I think the article might have been trying to highlight. I know a few kids in their 20s that are done with college or even never went to college but still live with their parents. Not as roommates but as dependents as if they were still 12 and honestly the parents have always allowed them to "get away with murder" so I'm not surprised. I don't know if these kids will ever be independent adults but that's their lives not mine. I also know some older adults that live with a parent caring for them and well let's just say the entire family is ready to pop popcorn and watch this fall to pieces when the old lady passes. Those "boys" are going to be in a world of hurt without mommy to provide anymore. Crazy!

 

On the other hand, my sister is 25 and still lives with me (not a parent but since I helped raise her and she lived with me as her caregiver for a large part of the time after I'd moved out I think I get to count :P ). She *could* get a place of her own and she does have a job so she's "self supporting" in that way. She's worked since she was 16 plus babysitting before that age so it's not laziness/etc. We enjoy each other's company and this saves everyone money. We discussed budget and details together and decided on a flat rate for her to give me each month and I handle everything else. It works for us. I'm sure she'll marry and such at some point but so far she hasn't and we see no reason for her to pay more bills when we have the space and like spending time together for what... so she can say she lives on her own? Pshhhh

 

I was thrown out at 17 (as soon as I graduated) and honestly if it wasn't for protecting my younger siblings I would have run away a long time before that. My situation was strange and I was the only kid going to college with that situation. Everyone else I knew was still living at home with parents and stayed that way until they either went off to work/joined the military or got married/had babies.

 

We don't expect our kids to move out once old enough. They can but they are also welcome to stay with us as long as they are responsible and respectable roommates, even once they are married and having families of their own. We might need to have a family decision about getting a bigger/different place at that point but it'd be a possibility. We like having the family together and see no reason to make each individual pay for a home to make appearances for or keep up with the Joneses. The Joneses can live their lives their way and we'll live our lives our way. :) 

 

Even without families living together I know plenty of people who get LOTS of help from relatives... like the grandparents that babysit the grandkids every single day while the parents work. These people are 100% independent of their family even if they are paying their own rent. It's honestly foolish to expect people to do everything on their own without help. We've done it but by force not choice. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. If you can get help from family/friends and even can live together peacefully to save the family as a whole money/stress then DO IT. 

 

* Side note we don't expect to ever care for elderly parents - in fact I know we won't. I'm not sure if this would affect our opinion about the kids staying home since it's never been a thought but I doubt it would. 

[TechWife]

Hopefully more and more are staying at home after they graduated from college and get a good paying job so they can pay off their student loans ASAP. Remember, the cost of college is much higher than it used to be. The debt cycle is killing a lot of people in the US.

Many people who seem to look down on the younger generation are those who made poor financial decisions regarding high consumer debt themselves and can't wrap their minds around the fact that these younger people are making better financial decisions than they did. Staying in a family home in order to pay off college debt, purchase a reliable car or to save for a downpayment on a home is quite a mature thing to do, in my opinion.

[TranquilMind]

Yeah not sure what generation you are from, but I'd say I was on the edge of this.  Edge of some people possibly managing it, but most people didn't.  And I lived in an expensive area.  There seriously was absolutely  no way I could have pulled that off.  One of the biggest reasons was lack of transportation.  Hard to have many job options that way and if you don't have a good job...no car.... 

 

So...

 

My mother ran away at 16 and got a good paying job for the phone company as a telephone operator.  I bet most phone companies don't hire 16 year olds at all anymore.  And for the lower level service jobs they don't pay all that well. 

 

She still had the attitude of you are 18 you are supposed to get out. She didn't throw me out, but I was under the impression she had to bite her tongue because that idea was pounded into her growing up.  She had issues though so that's a whole other discussion.  I moved out at 25. 

 

My kids can stay here as long as they want.  I'm so turned off by this "get out" attitude.  But you figure, my kids are pretty much the only family I have so I dunno, maybe that is why too. 

 

Mine can stay as long as they want too, but unfortunately, that independent apple didn't fall too far from the tree.    My own parents didn't have a sense of urgency about getting us out at all; we did.  Everyone we knew moved out in their late teens.  It is just the way it was done back then (and I lived in a relatively Low COL area). 

 

I agree that it is much harder today to do anything like this. 

 

Edited May 30, 2016 by TranquilMind

[gypsymama]

Yeah not sure what generation you are from, but I'd say I was on the edge of this.  Edge of some people possibly managing it, but most people didn't.  And I lived in an expensive area.  There seriously was absolutely  no way I could have pulled that off.  One of the biggest reasons was lack of transportation.  Hard to have many job options that way and if you don't have a good job...no car.... 

 

So...

 

My mother ran away at 16 and got a good paying job for the phone company as a telephone operator.  I bet most phone companies don't hire 16 year olds at all anymore.  And for the lower level service jobs they don't pay all that well. 

 

She still had the attitude of you are 18 you are supposed to get out. She didn't throw me out, but I was under the impression she had to bite her tongue because that idea was pounded into her growing up.  She had issues though so that's a whole other discussion.  I moved out at 25. 

 

My kids can stay here as long as they want.  I'm so turned off by this "get out" attitude.  But you figure, my kids are pretty much the only family I have so I dunno, maybe that is why too. 

 

My mother married at 18 right after high school graduation as did her 3 sisters. She kicked me out at 17 as soon as I graduated. Perhaps that's a harsh way to put it but I stayed the night at a friend's (she knew I was going to and agreed to it)... she showed up the next morning and said "You still have some of your stuff at my house are you going to come get it?" Um... I was only staying one night so I wasn't going to but I guess I am now?!?! I got my things that day and that was that. I will say we had a very unusual dynamic before that though.

[TranquilMind]

Many people who seem to look down on the younger generation are those who made poor financial decisions regarding high consumer debt themselves and can't wrap their minds around the fact that these younger people are making better financial decisions than they did. Staying in a family home in order to pay off college debt, purchase a reliable car or to save for a downpayment on a home is quite a mature thing to do, in my opinion.

 

Oh, I don't know.  Poor consumer debt decisions are bad in any generation.  I never charged a thing except a car repair if necessary, and I had my own apartment in my early 20's and went to school full time and worked close to full time hours.  It was doable then. 

 

College debt levels are insane today. 

[TranquilMind]

My mother married at 18 right after high school graduation as did her 3 sisters. She kicked me out at 17 as soon as I graduated. Perhaps that's a harsh way to put it but I stayed the night at a friend's (she knew I was going to and agreed to it)... she showed up the next morning and said "You still have some of your stuff at my house are you going to come get it?" Um... I was only staying one night so I wasn't going to but I guess I am now?!?! I got my things that day and that was that. I will say we had a very unusual dynamic before that though.

 

Wow.  That's crazy. I'm sorry.

[Guest]

Of course people are living in whatever shared-living situation they can come by. Look.

 

a renter in Washington would have to make $23.13 an hour to afford a two-bedroom apartment and $18.39 to afford a one-bedroom.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My mother married at 18 right after high school graduation as did her 3 sisters. She kicked me out at 17 as soon as I graduated. Perhaps that's a harsh way to put it but I stayed the night at a friend's (she knew I was going to and agreed to it)... she showed up the next morning and said "You still have some of your stuff at my house are you going to come get it?" Um... I was only staying one night so I wasn't going to but I guess I am now?!?! I got my things that day and that was that. I will say we had a very unusual dynamic before that though.

 

Man that's harsh.  Really harsh.  I'm not sure I would have recovered from that.

 

My mother married at 18 as well.  But the one thing she told me 100,000 times growing up was not to marry so young.  She thought that was one of the biggest mistakes she ever made.  She felt as if it basically only made her life needlessly difficult.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah, some people have the negative stereotype of a grown man living in mom's basement playing video games. They are out there, but that doesn't mean a lot of them aren't productive either. I know a few and they have jobs, but live in one of the most expensive parts of the country. Some have been coddled a little too much if you ask me, but others have a good relationship with their family, have girlfriends and are saving their money for when they meet Ms. Right. 

 

My brother turned 40 and just moved out of my dad's house. He has owned homes, held down different jobs, moved around a lot and lived a bachelor lifestyle. It didn't really make sense for him to pay to even rent a room in an expensive part of the country when he was barely there. They liked having him there. I hope my kids will feel like they can come to us anytime and I hope we are in a position to help them. 

 

Yeah I think that's another thing.  It's not always so economical to live on one's own. And someone might just not have any single friends.  So that they end up with their parents isn't all that surprising to me.  I wouldn't have a problem with it so long as my kid wasn't a complete pain to live with.

[Excelsior! Academy]

If I'm being perfectly honest -- I think it's very weird that people seem proud when their kids move out at a (relatively) young age, or think it's bad that adult kids live at home.  I hear of a situation where a kid left home young and my first thought is always along the lines of "Apparently the poor kid couldn't wait to get away."  And when I hear of adult children living with their parents my first thought is they must be a close, supportive and loving family.  I know those thoughts aren't always accurate, but they represent the overwhelming majority of the situations I've known about.  I also don't know of anyone who moved out of their parents house before 20-22 who didn't struggle for a very long time.  Conversely, those who left the nest a little later always seemed to do quite well.  The only exceptions I can think of to that are the (very) few people I've known who joined the military right after high school.

 

I agree!!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Mine can stay as long as they want too, but unfortunately, that independent apple didn't fall too far from the tree.    My own parents didn't have a sense of urgency about getting us out at all; we did.  Everyone we knew moved out in their late teens.  It is just the way it was done back then (and I lived in a relatively Low COL area). 

 

I agree that it is much harder today to do anything like this. 

 

 

I have a feeling one of mine will take a long time to move out.  He's just been a late bloomer all around.  Which is ok.  He's also fairly easy to get along with.  But then my other kid is very independent minded and already has it in his mind that he's going to move full speed ahead very quickly.  I hope things work out for him in the way he hopes, but I do think he's being a bit unrealistic sometimes.  I don't generally say so exactly, but I just say it's not like you turn 18 and flick a switch and suddenly life falls into place.  It takes time.  He does plan to finish high school 2 years early so maybe he will manage it.  He's just always been like that.

 

It's weird that I have 2 kids who are so radically different.

[SparklyUnicorn]

If I'm being perfectly honest -- I think it's very weird that people seem proud when their kids move out at a (relatively) young age, or think it's bad that adult kids live at home.  I hear of a situation where a kid left home young and my first thought is always along the lines of "Apparently the poor kid couldn't wait to get away."  And when I hear of adult children living with their parents my first thought is they must be a close, supportive and loving family.  I know those thoughts aren't always accurate, but they represent the overwhelming majority of the situations I've known about.  I also don't know of anyone who moved out of their parents house before 20-22 who didn't struggle for a very long time.  Conversely, those who left the nest a little later always seemed to do quite well.  The only exceptions I can think of to that are the (very) few people I've known who joined the military right after high school.

 

Yeah it makes me wonder how they do/did it.

[TranquilMind]

I have a feeling one of mine will take a long time to move out.  He's just been a late bloomer all around.  Which is ok.  He's also fairly easy to get along with.  But then my other kid is very independent minded and already has it in his mind that he's going to move full speed ahead very quickly.  I hope things work out for him in the way he hopes, but I do think he's being a bit unrealistic sometimes.  I don't generally say so exactly, but I just say it's not like you turn 18 and flick a switch and suddenly life falls into place.  It takes time.  He does plan to finish high school 2 years early so maybe he will manage it.  He's just always been like that.

 

It's weird that I have 2 kids who are so radically different.

 

Yeah.  What's up with that?  Mine look alike and could not be more different temperamentally.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah.  What's up with that?  Mine look alike and could not be more different temperamentally.

 

 

Yeah my independent minded kid says stuff to me like "I'm just doing this [school stuff you assign me] because I know it's futile to resist.  I can't wait until I don't have to waste my time with this."  LOL  Thanks kid. Then my other kid is like, "Mom why are you pushing me to do this now, I'm not ready. (Which for him really means please baby me longer.)"

[QueenCat]

Yeah, I can't think of any 18-21yo's who don't live at home. Seems to me that during the college years kids would still claim to be living at home. Mine do, even though they live in dorms.

 

Almost all of the under 22-23 crowd that I know lives with their parents unless they are in the military. I count those living in dorms and coming home for breaks as living at home in this analysis too.

[Tita Gidge]

I think demographics matter.

 

Not everyone is on the college track, and it's not uncommon IME for 18-19 year olds to move out into their own places after graduating high school. Jobs that can support that are hard to come by, so it's often with one or several roommates.

[Dmmetler]

I saw this stat along with a "punk kids these days" headline recently, and it annoyed me so much. Not only does it make great financial sense in many cases for kids to live with parents in young adulthood, some "kids" in that age bracket are playing host to their parents. My bil had his (chronically unemployed) in laws living with them rent-free while he was in his mid twenties.

I have two cousins, who moved in with their widowed mothers in the last year. Both are gainfully employed and had been living on their own following a divorce, but when their leases came up for renewal moved "home"-because their parents were lonely, and were getting to an age where it wasn't really safe for them to drive (one absolutely cannot due to cataracts, the other can, but is nervous about doing so at night or during heavy traffic). One was a "caboose baby", the other a relatively late in life only child.

[Joker]

We moved a few months ago and will be buying a new home soon. We are purposefully looking for something, preferably with a walk out basement, that will allow dds to live at home and go to the nearby state university but still feel on their own. I want them to be able to get their degree and start off with no debt. As long as one is working or going to school and contributing around the house,I don't see a problem.

[Guest]

I kind of have not so much of a problem with it as long as it isn't a mooch situation.  For kids mooching, I mean.  If they are working and so on, why not live at the same address as your parents as in an apartment that sucks your money away and where you might have good roommates, or you might not.  

 

This is not what I would have said 5 years ago. 

 

And yes, my son is 20 and at home and is part of a software startup, not in school, but working 45+ hours a week.  He's working, he helps as part of the family, and we get along.  And we annoy each other.  There will come a day when he will leave, and it will be bittersweet...  The sweet part is that I will get a sewing room.  LOL.  

[Arcadia]

We don't expect our kids to move out once old enough. They can but they are also welcome to stay with us as long as they are responsible and respectable roommates, even once they are married and having families of their own. We might need to have a family decision about getting a bigger/different place at that point but it'd be a possibility. We like having the family together and see no reason to make each individual pay for a home to make appearances for or keep up with the Joneses.

A few of my neighbors in their late 20s/early 30s moved back to their parents when their firstborn is registering for kindergarten. The assigned schools for their parents' address are better and the plan all along was for them to move back once kids reach school age. They rent out their own homes to couples without kids for rental income.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Arcadia

[Seasider]

I wonder what it would have looked like if they had down ages 20-24? 18 is young.

More like 22-34, or even 24-34, would be a reasonable age range to include.

[Ausmumof3]

I left home at 18 too but it wasn't terrible. I had been working already, we married and bought a house. If I'd been studying or unemployed it would have been a mistake for sure. In fact if we had delayed and bought a house a couple of years later it would have cost far more. We did live very frugally though.

[Murphy101]

Dh and I married at 19 and we'd moved out at 18 to seperate places. It was a lot more affordable and doable then than it is now. And carrying a small amount of debt was not as crushing then as it can be now to lower incomes.

 

We could not have stayed with our parents even if we'd wanted to. 18 = moved out for both our family's cultures and his was far more affluent and generally different than mine was.

 

We really don't care when our kids move out, married or not, presuming they are not jerks and are responsible and considerate people contributing to family and society then it's mutually beneficial to all of us and I kind of like them 😉 - no problem. If they are jerks and are not any of those things, then they might not make to 18 before invited to pack a bag. (So far that's not been an issue.)

 

It means they have little to no debt, mostly education related. Can put most of their earnings in savings, are able to help us and younger siblings, and they have education and job flexibility.

 

I don't think our parents could handle living with us. Or us with them I suppose. We have a very different family dynamic with each other and our kids than they did with us.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Murphy101

[SparklyUnicorn]

Dh and I married at 19 and we'd moved out at 18 to seperate places. It was a lot more affordable and doable then than it is now. And carrying a small amount of debt was not as crushing then as it can be now to lower incomes.

 

We could not have stayed with our parents even if we'd wanted to. 18 = moved out for both our family's cultures and his was far more affluent and generally different than mine was. When we had some major health issues with dh and we're facing bankruptcy years later with two little kids in tow, his parents openly said that's what foster care and homeless shelters were for, that ever living with them was not going to be an option. To them, we were supposed to learn to stand on our own. Which is weird because they lived with her mom and dad for the first year of their marriage until their son was nearly a year old.

 

We really don't care when our kids move out, married or not, presuming they are not jerks and are responsible and considerate people contributing to family and society then it's mutually beneficial to all of us and I kind of like them 😉 - no problem. If they are jerks and are not any of those things, then they might not make to 18 before invited to pack a bag. (So far that's not been an issue.)

 

It means they have little to no debt, mostly education related. Can put most of their earnings in savings, are able to help us and younger siblings, and they have education and job flexibility.

 

I don't think our parents could handle living with us. Or us with them I suppose. We have a very different family dynamic with each other and our kids than they did with us.

 

Crappy.  Some on my mother's side had attitudes like this.  They were also greedy liars, but that's another discussion. 

[Bluegoat]

Don't assume that the people doing all this sharing are too poor to live separately.  Maybe they come to prefer the arrangement that enables them to invest their money instead of spending it on redundant accommodations.  Maybe this arrangement enables some to move up faster.

 

 

No, it doesn't seem to be by choice for the most part.  Very much the opposite - people are getting to the point where they are wanting to marry and have kids, and are still living in rooms with three people they don't know.  They aren't managing to be even rent their own place.

 

40 is not young, people are generally getting to their most financially productive years then, when they can really have some expertise, and are in more remunerative positions.  Women are getting to where kids will be less and less possible.

 

I think it's really a worse situation than living with parents or family.  It's one thing to do that, another to have to share with whomever you can.  It is related I think to the ideal of the mobile workforce - if you live with others where you have family, its a little more natural than living, long term, with strings or roommates and strangers.  It just doesn't strike me as the best social arrangement for that kind of communal living.

 

There is something a little wrong, out of balance, when cost of education puts people in debt for that long, or during the years when they would be best off, biologically, establishing themselves they can't, or when housing is so expensive that the jobs available don't give enough money to live on.

[creekland]

I couldn't wait to get away from my living situation, so left with college and never really returned (only for part of one summer).

 

Our kids have left with college too, but two of the three stay close to us.  All three know they are welcome to be with us at any time if they wish, but right now, they're enjoying flying and we're enjoying being cheerleaders.

 

Of course at this specific moment it's good that youngest opted to spend the summer at home and got a job (meaning he couldn't take our current trip with us).  He called this morning to let us know a pregnant pony mare had her foal last night.  She's not "due" until mid-June.   :glare:   Glad we have an "in-home" farm hand who knows what to do!  There will be a baby boy waiting for us tomorrow...

 

We've warned our kids that we'll be staying with them in our older age.  Not sure if that means they'll be past 34 or not.  It might depend upon how nice their houses are (and if we have any grandchildren)!  :lol:

[Bluegoat]

If I'm being perfectly honest -- I think it's very weird that people seem proud when their kids move out at a (relatively) young age, or think it's bad that adult kids live at home.  I hear of a situation where a kid left home young and my first thought is always along the lines of "Apparently the poor kid couldn't wait to get away."  And when I hear of adult children living with their parents my first thought is they must be a close, supportive and loving family.  I know those thoughts aren't always accurate, but they represent the overwhelming majority of the situations I've known about.  I also don't know of anyone who moved out of their parents house before 20-22 who didn't struggle for a very long time.  Conversely, those who left the nest a little later always seemed to do quite well.  The only exceptions I can think of to that are the (very) few people I've known who joined the military right after high school.

 

 

I often think there is something to be said for people living away for a bit when they are young adults, and then moving back close to, even with, family. 

 

So, maybe living in university, in military barracks, doing an apprenticeship living in worker-digs or a boarding house, or whatever.  They tend to be single, have low needs, it is a great way to immerse themselves in a new community, maybe one that has a particular connection to their place in life or skills they are learning.  And it can give them a little space and perspective on self-care.

 

Moving into shared situation with family afterwards gives support to older parents or working kids, especially if they now have kids, it shares costs, it keeps people connected.  And I think, having been apart for a bit, they may tend to move into that arrangement with more of an adult-adult approach.

 

I think the military is interesting in that, because so many are away from family, they try and create structures that make up for it to some extent - they are recognized as important in a way that a lot of industries don't.

[Annie G]

I often think there is something to be said for people living away for a bit when they are young adults, and then moving back close to, even with, family. 

 

So, maybe living in university, in military barracks, doing an apprenticeship living in worker-digs or a boarding house, or whatever.  They tend to be single, have low needs, it is a great way to immerse themselves in a new community, maybe one that has a particular connection to their place in life or skills they are learning.  And it can give them a little space and perspective on self-care.

 

Moving into shared situation with family afterwards gives support to older parents or working kids, especially if they now have kids, it shares costs, it keeps people connected.  And I think, having been apart for a bit, they may tend to move into that arrangement with more of an adult-adult approach.

 

I think the military is interesting in that, because so many are away from family, they try and create structures that make up for it to some extent - they are recognized as important in a way that a lot of industries don't.

 

Love this.   Dd went away to college and lived on her own, then studied in Japan for half a year. She was on her own there, in an apartment. So when she graduated and moved back home, we were confident that she was going to be a good roommate rather than a moocher. She's successfully lived on her own and currently works two jobs. Being able to live at home just makes sense...we have loads of room.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

No, it doesn't seem to be by choice for the most part.  Very much the opposite - people are getting to the point where they are wanting to marry and have kids, and are still living in rooms with three people they don't know.  They aren't managing to be even rent their own place.

 

40 is not young, people are generally getting to their most financially productive years then, when they can really have some expertise, and are in more remunerative positions.  Women are getting to where kids will be less and less possible.

 

I think it's really a worse situation than living with parents or family.  It's one thing to do that, another to have to share with whomever you can.  It is related I think to the ideal of the mobile workforce - if you live with others where you have family, its a little more natural than living, long term, with strings or roommates and strangers.  It just doesn't strike me as the best social arrangement for that kind of communal living.

 

There is something a little wrong, out of balance, when cost of education puts people in debt for that long, or during the years when they would be best off, biologically, establishing themselves they can't, or when housing is so expensive that the jobs available don't give enough money to live on.

 

So true.  The cost of education is nuts.  I've really been trying to encourage my older kid to think carefully about the amount of money spent on his education.  I'm still paying for mine!  Only thing that makes it not so bad is my DH doesn't owe any money for his education.  Right now my monthly payment is in the neighborhood of a car payment.  It's really no small chunk of change (and at the moment we actually do need another newer car). 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes, because it involves a lot of delayed gratification. It takes maturity to forego the pleasures of living independently for medium to long term sensible, not sexy, goals. 

 

I know that I wasn't that sensible, so I admire it in young people. 

 

Absolutely.  Some people are lucky enough to have parents who help them with stuff like down payments (maybe because they want them out..LOL), but a lot of people do not.  So saving up is good.

 

I don't see the problem with it so long as the kid isn't a nightmare to live with. 

[MrsWeasley]

Well, I'm 29 and preparing to move back in with my parents. My husband left, and my parents wanting and being able to take us in is a godsend. A year ago, I never would have thought I would be living with my parents again, but life happens. At least I can take comfort in that a lot of people my age are doing this?

[creekland]

Well, I'm 29 and preparing to move back in with my parents. My husband left, and my parents wanting and being able to take us in is a godsend. A year ago, I never would have thought I would be living with my parents again, but life happens. At least I can take comfort in that a lot of people my age are doing this?

 

I always want to be there for my kids - no matter what happens.  The real world exists.