Borderline Personality Disorder & Homeschooling (sorry long)

[bookwormsix]

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder around 5 years ago.

I have 4 kids and am pregnant with #5.

I am attempting to Homeschool the 8 yr old and the 5 yr old. ( the other is a 2 year old and an infant)

I am not on meds.

oldest girl (8) is experiencing rage and a real bad attitude problem, lying, stealing, and smearing of feces.(We have been referred to clinical psychology to seek help for her)

She is bright when she tries, but a lot of the time if she can't get something the first time she runs away screaming "I'm terrible".

I try to teach her that she will become smarter the more effort she puts into her lessons. And that I don't expect her to "get it" the first try and needn't put that pressure on herself. 

Since her mood swings are getting harder and harder to redirect some of our homeschooling hours ,days and even weeks are hijacked.

I have tried tried to connect with her and get her through those emotions.I feel that her moods swings have been taking away the attention from the other kids, and feared that maybe i was reinforcing those reactions by giving them attention. So I have also ignored it, and gone on to one on one time with another child who was eager to learn. This sometimes causes her to escalate.

I have my own deregulation issues with my emotions and anger. I have not always coped well, or expressed my emotions appropriately.

The kids have witnessed this over the years in varying degrees.

I also find it very hard to bond , and feel attachment especially with the olders.

My symptoms come out most during times of stress and pregnancies or post partum.

 

I feel compelled to homeschool because:

1) I am a Christian , and i believe the world and most public and even Christian schools are so prevalent with sexual perversion. I do not want them to be exposed to those things at an early age.

2) I want them to know God

3) I feel deeply that it my responsibility to teach my children and dont feel right about sending them to a public institution

4) I believe HSing is about real life. and they will encounter the world and real life this way.

5) quality of education and more one on one time, academics tailored to each child. 

6) I had a terrible public school experience

7) dont want children to be peer oriented 

8) I want them to have strong character and be hardworking

9) I have a love of learning and want my children to develop this

10) they are being read aloud good quality literature.

 

and the list goes on..... I put this in because someone might ask " why would someone with mental illness want to homeschool?"

 

Homeschooling has gone through many ups and downs. Many new babies , pregnancies, mental break downs.

We've had respite workers coming in for a while.

We've had weeks where homeschool was cancelled because i just couldn't handle it and they were sent to grandmas and grandpas house.

There have been months taken off for depression , and days taken off because i "I just couldnt do it today".

The stress levels have been so high at times, hubby has had to come home from work to help.

This has been an ongoing and long term thing.

 

I started homschooling again this year in August hoping to get ahead , but again because of " stuff" got majorly behind by Christmas. dropped a bunch of books i knew i could not finish. decided id try year round schooling so i could take every 6th week off thinking that might help, Took a week off at 4 weeks in , and again on the 6th week. Again we are behind. We are always behind.

 

Now with the increasing behavioural stuff from child, being pregnant and having morning sickness and fatigue. I am back at that place of crisis again. I guess im wondering how much is normal, how much is coping poorly with mental illness, or how much is a problem with my child. I also fear that by spending so much time home with me the children could be catching my mental illness,i wonder if my oldest has learned or developed BPD tendencies from me.

 

Im also trying to troubleshoot issues in my home. is it me? the child? and aspect of homeschool? or homeschooling altogether? I try to tweak things and change things to try to make it better or easier. 

 

I will add even in the midst of this my oldest can read chapter books now, and is doing math above her grade level. So she is learning inspite of it all.

 

Tomorrow we start back to homeschool and I am discouraged and hopeless. Not even sure what the problem is or which one to try to tackle first.

Feeling like a complete failure. 

Feeling like a terrible mother.

I dont know how to educate children when it feels like my whole world is falling apart on the inside.

feeling angry that the kids are so obstinate and hard to manage.

 

And everyone's go to answer is "send them to school".

 

Advice?

 

 

 

 

Edited February 20, 2016 by bookwormsix

[HomeAgain]

What is best for each of your kids?

[LMD]

I don't have much advice, but I read your post and I'm here.

 

Your oldests behaviour would concern me, I'm glad that you're getting help.

 

I do know people who home school with some fairly severe mental health issues, they know their limits and make sure that they have support. Are you taking care of yourself?

 

Have you thought about other ways to get some help? Cleaner? Mother's helper? Preschool for the younger ones? Homeschooling those ages is difficult at the best of times (btdt!) So I'd be keeping things very simple, times 10 while you're in the beginning stages of helping your DD.

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Faithr]

I think you should be gentle with yourself until you get a diagnosis.  Maybe your dd is dealing with profound emotional issues and that means that comes first.   I would recommend reading up on Unschooling.   Focus more on creating rhythm and harmony and delight and don't worry so much about doing the scope and sequence thing.

[bookwormsix]

What is best for each of your kids?

 

That is a HUGE question i ask myself .

I don't know.

In the good times i believe homeschooling them. When things are tough, i am torn.

I also think that if a child has a behavioural problem i don't think sending them to school will help.

And she may come home with a whole nother host of problems.

[freesia]

wow, you have a lot going on.

 

I think the first thing to do is to get help for your dd. You can't catch a mental illness, but her behavior does suggest a very stressed out child.

 

Also, consider therapy and/or meds for yourself. The patterns you describe show that you need more support. You need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Meds can help deal with biochemical issues.

 

I am a Christian (a pastors wife) so I get many of your points. However, I think you might want to consider school for your older two for a while so you can get your head above water. A house of many littles can be tough for even emotionally stable folk. The influences you fear are unlikely to be enormous. Most elementary school teachers are loving, caring people ( I have taught elementary school).

[happi duck]

Reading your post it doesn't sound like homeschooling in your current situation is meeting many of your goals.

 

If your kids go to school it might help your family culture improve to the point of meeting those goals even with kids in school. For example kids in school aren't automatically peer oriented and some homeschooled kids are very peer oriented.

 

You wrote that you struggle to bond with your older kids maybe your oldest perceives the babies as getting the best of you and feels like it's because she's terrible.

 

I only mention it because I've seen this dynamic in another large family. I realize this isn't a given.

 

(Hugs)

[Anne in CA]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your hard time. I also wanted to say that when I was younger and more idealistic I believed home was always the best place for kids. I have lightened up a lot. The time in your life when your kids are so young makes you more protective and judgmental. You need to be that way to keep them safe. Those are good instincts. But sometimes they go too far. If you have a decent school there is no shame in putting them in if you need to. All schools are not as bad as you think they are, I promise. There is no shame in using Switched on Schoolhouse or whatever computer school may be popular these days if you need to either.

 

I never would have agreed with putting problem children in school as a way to fix things, but after years on the board I have seen it work more often than not because it gives everyone some perspective and space. People can get stuck in desperate spin cycles and that's when you need to do whatever it takes to deescalate.

 

I'll pray for you today.

[shinyhappypeople]

I think you need to prioritize your mental health.  Find a good therapist, decide if medications would be helpful, and so on.  This really needs to be your next step.  I'd also consider family therapy and request specific help with bonding with your kids.  

 

Are you exercising regularly?  Eating well?  Getting enough sleep?  Focus on getting healthy.  You'll make better decisions when your head is clear.

 

I think in the short-term I'd find online games (Starfall, Dreambox, etc.) and have the kids work on them in lieu of traditional schoolwork.  That way something is still happening educationally, regardless of your mental state. This is just temporary, while you're getting your health back on track. 

 

Get healthy, get your kiddos healthy and then make educational decisions from a position of strength.   

 

:grouphug:

 

 

 

[bolt.]

I read your words with a lot of sympathy, and I think your struggle really matters. You very much want to do what is best for your children, including the regular things that all children need, but especially focused on their relationship with God. That's truly admirable.

 

I want to start by answering this question:

 

"I'm wondering how much is normal, how much is coping poorly with mental illness, or how much is a problem with my child. I also fear that by spending so much time home with me the children could be catching my mental illness, i wonder if my oldest has learned or developed BPD tendencies from me."

 

Some of it is normal. Some of it is a result of you coping *well* with your mental illness -- because I don't think you are coping poorly, but I do think that it's having an ongoing effect on your family environment. I don't think they are "catching" your mental illness, but it is possible that they aren't getting from you everything that they would be getting from you if you were as dedicated as you are, and as smart as you are, without the struggle of mental illness in your life. It is possible that they are learning from you that it is normal for them to behave like you normally behave (mistakes and all). However, your eldest seems to be showing real symptoms of issues that sound like they are wholley her own. It's good that you are getting her the qualified competent care that she needs.

 

Then you said:

 

"I'm also trying to troubleshoot issues in my home. is it me? the child? and aspect of homeschool? or homeschooling altogether? I try to tweak things and change things to try to make it better or easier. "

 

To me, this shows great wisdom. You are seeing all the factors -- and the answer is, 'Yes, all those factors are in play: and they are all intertwined in complex ways.' Your eldest seems to be the most challenging as far as homeschooling, and I think it's a good idea to explore at least the possibility that it isn't the best way for you to do your best in her life. I don't know what the real answer to that would be if you thought it through. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, except to tell you that it's OK to think about it. It's probably a good idea to think about it.

 

It strikes me that your illness is effecting your thinking about homeschooling as a compulsion. As a Christian, a parent and a prof at a Bible College, I want to explore your compulsive thinking about what you are describing as an *obligation* to homeschool your kids. I believe that homeschooling is often a fantastic choice -- but it's not an obligation of our faith. I think it's your BPD that's making you think about it that way.

 

Here is what you wrote, followed by my thoughts on each point:

I feel compelled to homeschool because:

1) I am a Christian , and i believe the world and most public and even Christian schools are so prevalent with sexual perversion. I do not want them to be exposed to those things at an early age.

I think this is fear-mongering. There's a lot of "the sky is falling" talk going on in some Christian circles, but the truth is that most schools are pretty normal places, staffed by kindly adults and peopled by average children. There will be some issues from time to time (like bullying) and some sexual issues (like being pressured to 'like' a boy and kiss him), but there is almost no truth to the extremely rare and unlikely stories that people spread to make you afraid to let your children out of your sight. We are not supposed to live from 'a spirit of fear'.

 

2) I want them to know God

Many people know God who were not homeschooled. You won't loose your opportunity to care for your children and share the gospel with them. In fact, compared with a very stressed homeschool relationship, parenting from a place of less conflict, stress and difficulty, you may be more able to speak their love language, and they might be more able to receive the gospel that way.

 

3) I feel deeply that it my responsibility to teach my children and dont feel right about sending them to a public institution

It is your responsibility to see to it that your children get educated. You don't need to do every task yourself. You can partner with other people, or other groupd of people in many ways to accomplish that responsibility. Right now you partner with many people who help you with successful homeschooling. It's OK to view schools as potential partners too.

 

4) I believe HSing is about real life. and they will encounter the world and real life this way.

Yes the real world is available at home, as well as other places.

 

5) quality of education and more one on one time, academics tailored to each child. 

That's sometimes true and sometimes false. If they actually are getting a more tailored and effective education, then it's true. If they actually having difficulty learning well no matter what you are trying to accomplish -- that means it's not true. The education the child is getting is the one they are *getting* not the one they could be getting if conditions were just right. The question here is 'is that actually happening right now, or is it an ideal'? It's good to have ideals, but it's also good to be realistic.

 

6) I had a terrible public school experience

Many of us did. It's one of the reasons many of us want to homeschool. I'm starting my homeschooling with each child in 7th grade because that's when my school experience went from OK to dismal. As a person with BPD, I think you probably had a hard time the whole time. However, my elementary school kids are having a very good public school experience right now -- the school is very involved in limiting bullying and being warm and approachable to students who need help with their peers. This improvement seems to be widespread, and you might have reason to hope that your experience would not be repeated.

 

7) dont want children to be peer oriented 

They will be somewhat peer oriented, as is developmentally appropriate as they transition from childhood to adulthood. All adults are peer oriented. That's how humanity functions. That doesn't mean that you want them unhealthfully attached to their peers. A solid home base and good parental bonds are nessisarry. Spending less time with peers is not an effective strategy to prevent unhealthy over- peer orientation.

 

8) I want them to have strong character and be hardworking

This has frequently been accomplished by homeschoolers and non homeschoolers alike.

 

9) I have a love of learning and want my children to develop this

This has frequently been accomplished by homeschoolers and non homeschoolers alike.

 

10) they are being read aloud good quality literature.

You can do this even if some of your spend some of their time at a school.

 

Now, I bet that all sounded like "send them to school" -- it wasn't meant to. It's meant to break down your feeling of compulsion about homeschooling so that you can make a free choice about whether it's for the best or not for the best. It's not the only way to skillfully raise a child as a Christian, and it is not an obligation of the faith.

 

Lastly this:

"Feeling like a complete failure. 

Feeling like a terrible mother.

I don't know how to educate children when it feels like my whole world is falling apart on the inside.

Feeling angry that the kids are so obstinate and hard to manage."

You are *ABSOLUTELY NOT* a complete failure. You are *IN NO WAY* a terrible mother. You are doing very well, and this crisis simply shows how dedicated, educated and intelligent you are. You are seeing real issues and facing them squarely. You are feeling normal emotions that prove you are taking the situation seriously. It's a good thing... at least it's a good thing to be able to know when things aren't good and need fixing.

 

I'm sure you will get lots of tips and good strategies to try out. Keep on getting all the help you need for yourself and whichever children need specialists of any kind. Weigh your options carefully. Remember, your obligation is to "see to it" that they get educated: if you can do it well through homeschooling, that's great. If there are other ways to do it well, that's fine too. Be encouraged: you are just the right person to figure this out, and you will!

[zoobie]

Well, you know how you're supposed to put the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your kids in a plane crash? What sort of help and treatment do you receive and do you have supports in place for yourself? Pregnancy tends to throw mental heath off kilter, and dealing with the needs of a newborn and very young children AND homeschooling simply may not be feasible when you account for your own needs. Not even considering a high-needs older child. Sometimes you have to make the least worst choice. And what ideally in a perfect world would not be the best option in the rea world. Is there a trained mental health professional with whom you can work through this decision? Your daughter's future mental health provider may have recommendations for what is best for her, so that person needs a realistic picture of her life. If you are unable to provide that, will your DH?

 

My DH was raised by a mother with BPD, and school was his way out of a very dysfunctional life. She was untreated, actively avoided treatment, professed (professes? No contact) to be a Christian but did not act in accordance with her professed beliefs. She spiraled out of control with the birth of her youngest child. I don't know how he or his brother would have made it without school. I honestly am very thankful homeschooling was not a mainstream choice when he was growing up. We just talked about that the other night. She did her best to isolate him from outsiders, and forced attendance at school was his only escape. Obviously I am not able to provide an unbiased perspective here because she did so much damage to my husband. I hope you are able to make good decisions for your own health and happiness and for your children's. :grouphug:

[bookwormsix]

I think you need to prioritize your mental health. Find a good therapist, decide if medications would be helpful, and so on. This really needs to be your next step. I'd also consider family therapy and request specific help with bonding with your kids.

 

Are you exercising regularly? Eating well? Getting enough sleep? Focus on getting healthy. You'll make better decisions when your head is clear.

 

I think in the short-term I'd find online games (Starfall, Dreambox, etc.) and have the kids work on them in lieu of traditional schoolwork. That way something is still happening educationally, regardless of your mental state. This is just temporary, while you're getting your health back on track.

 

Get healthy, get your kiddos healthy and then make educational decisions from a position of strength.

 

:grouphug:

Well,I do exercise on treadmill 3 times a week . I do try to have good sleep hygiene. I try to have routine and eat well.

 

This is an ongoing thing that doesn't get cured persay. I improve slowly overtime. Am better coping than I was 5 years ago or even 2 years ago. The times in between falling apart lengthen, what used to cause me to fall apart doesn't anymore.

 

Meds make me worse though, ( ask everyone who is close to me, they always discourage me from it) have not found a med that has made symptoms better. Only worse.

 

But even today too much stress, sleepless nights especially, husband working late.... These things can still detail me over time.

 

Getting " healthy"is what I try to do every day.

But the BPD unexpectedly details me when I'm doing well or OK .

Until i got pregnant I was doing very well.

 

 

 

 

Sent from my A1-830 using Tapatalk

[HS Mom in NC]

I don't think anyone could make that decision until they knew fully what they're dealing with.  That would mean mom being evaluated and oldest daughter being evaluated.  Knowing exactly what they're dealing with and to what degree is essential.

Many of the things listed are outside the norm for large homeschooling families:

 

mental breakdowns

weeks at a relative's house

months of depression

Many mental health issues are treatable, so I would look into treatment for yourself and your oldest first.  Once things are stabilized for a while, I would revisit the idea of whether or not to continue homeschooling. I would also put any more babies on hold until things were stabilized.

I would recommend seeing an Attachment Therapist in addition.  They deal with attachment issues all day long and are the best option for families dealing with those issues.  As a parent of an internationally adopted child, we really saw the value in choosing an agency that had one on staff working with every single family during the difficult transition period.

 

If I had a history of taking that much time off I would look at outsourcing in home first for now.  I would do computer based classes in at least essential subjects (reading, writing, math) that do the teaching a record keeping for me.  Whether it's an all in one package with many subjects or it's a different company producing separate subjects probably doesn't matter much.  It would free me up from any guilt about not being able to follow through on regular basis.   Meanwhile I would continue to read aloud wonderful literature on days I felt up to it and turn on recordings of literature the days I wasn't.

If I didn't do a computer based option I would look into video instruction and standardized testing on an annual basis.  I think it would be reassuring to mom to have an objective measure of exactly how much progress each homeschooled kid was making in essential subjects each year.

Then I'd work out a back up plan that I had made peace with like I think all homeschoolers should have a back up plan.  Be very careful not to fall into the all or nothing trap. Too many homeschoolers decide that homeschooling is the only right option and any other option is wrong.  That's nonsense.  Homeschooling may be the ideal option, but in life, we have plenty of experience settling for second best which is good but not ideal and it's not the end of the world.  I know which private school my daughter would attend if I couldn't continue to homeschool her.  I know that the local public school would be a serious academic and social downgrade if something made homeschooling and private schooling impossible, but that it isn't permanent condemnation to a life of misery and an eternity in hell, it's just standard issue mediocre public school and typical ps social stuff.

There are wonderful Christan parents whose kids attend public school and those parents are doing a great job witnessing their faith to their kids and many of those kids are going on to share their parents' faith.  Some don't, but if you haven't met homeschooling parents whose kids have chosen not to adopt the same faith as their parents, I'm here to tell you that it often happens and it's not a failure on the part of the parents or any educational option.  God has saved people out of every kind of social, religious, economic, educational, cultural circumstance out there. Some earlier in life and some later.  You do your best to be a faithful witness and whatever your children do, your conscience is clear. You cannot live anyone else's spiritual life or them because you're not them.  They're their own individual selves.

 

If you go to a church where everyone homeschools, seriously consider going to one with a mix of parents choosing different options.  I've always said if my church becomes 100% homeschooling, I'm outta there.  Once that happens it's very common for it to become part of their doctrinal beliefs.  There is no Biblical command that can be interpreted as homeschooling being the only acceptable option for Christians.

[luuknam]

Meds make me worse though, ( ask everyone who is close to me, they always discourage me from it) have not found a med that has made symptoms better. Only worse.

 

But even today too much stress, sleepless nights especially, husband working late.... These things can still detail me over time.

 

I obviously don't know what meds you've tried in the past, but if the sleepless nights are because you can't sleep, rather than because of a kid keeping you awake, there are several different kinds of options for something to help you sleep, from melatonin to trazodone to ambien or w/e (sleeping pills are not my specialty, so there are probably many more options). Some of those options might be a no-go during pregnancy, but some of them probably are okay for occasional use in the 2nd or 3rd trimester or something (really, you'd have to ask a psychiatrist). Sleepless nights are bad for anyone's ability to function, mental disorders or no.

 

I'm not a huge fan of the school system (in general), and planned on homeschooling my kids since before I got pregnant with my first, but when my oldest was 3yo with special needs while my wife was bipolar, I was depressed and pregnant with #2, and we were broke, we decided to put him in school, and it worked very well for him (he loved school). He was in school for 5 years, from 3-7yo, and this (8yo, 3rd grade) is his first year at home. He had great teachers, therapists, and 1-1 aides in school, and I think that him being in school helped enable my wife and I to recover and normalize our lives. If we'd kept him at home, I might very well be able to write a trainwreck of a post right now.

[Faithr]

I know someone with BPD so this is really anecdotal, but meds didn't work for her either, except in times of a lot of anxiety, then anxiety meds do work, but that is just interim.  What really worked for her was finally finding a good counselor and lots and lots of exercise.  Lots of it.  Those two things did more than anything for her.  She was on meds, all different types, for years and she was on this long terrible journey, but once she found a good counsellor she clicked with (she went through many before she found this one) and she realized that when she exercised a lot she was stronger and more in control of her emotions, well that 's when she started feel more put together and she is now functioning very well.

 

I come from a more unschooly outlook.  Kids are little sponges, God designed them to learn through play and imitation of the adults in their lives and through relationship.  So she's 8, I don't think school is the big deal right now for you.  I wouldn't stress about it at all.  But I would focus on making home a therapeutic place, as much as possible and I'd definitely get her checked out psychologically.

[bookwormsix]

Instead of replying to all these one by one I'll try to answer it here in one message.

 

I have considered a mother's helper and cleaner but even with cuttung nack we can not find the finances.

We had respite coming in from a free program, but the older children had such severe behavioral issues and problems with authority that when they were left alone with worker there were incidents.

The respite program cycled us through many workers and they claim they were not qualified to handle the types of issues that my children exhibited.

 

As for my daughter being stressed out , this has been our most stable year as a family. It doesn't make sense that her symptoms are escalating when as a whole we have been mostly keeping it together.

 

We have been meeting goals as a homeschooling family. My children love great books. She is being exposed to great literature and enjoying it, she would never have the chance to learn what she is learning in public school . There isn't enough time or resources.

She's excelling in math , is mostly self motivated in her work. ( when she's not in a mood)

Academically she's coming along great.my 5 year old is engaged and eager to learn. He's reading . Hes working on math .although I try to include him when he's eager I don't really do anything formal yet persay.

They also have a good group of Christian friends that I've been trying to making get togethers with . They attend swimming lessons, and other programs.

They are in my opinion engaged and well adapted children. Except for oldest.

 

Also my daughter was a lot like me when I was a kid. My mom did not have BPD...but I came from a Christian home. I had severe behavioral issues growing up. I was still biting children until grade 3 . Having to go to principals office routinely. I had little self control. In grade 5 I was sitting oreos on girls and trying to stab them with scissors.

At public school i fell through cracks teachers hated me. The schools couldn't deal with me. On top of that I was bullied quite badly. Physically and relentless verbal harassment. I failed highschool,ran away from home, got addicted to drugs, was sexually assaulted multiple times over the course my my young adult life...etc.

Point being I want my children's lives to be better than mine was.

 

I understand not all public schools are bad or all teachers. But I live in a crime ridden, impoverished, alcoholic -drug addicted side of town. It's almost end of the year. I think sending to the school her....although the principal sounded really kind on phone...it wouldn't be good to send her there.

I don't want to over shelter her. Just protect her.

 

I don't let fear mongering rule my decisions. I have had fear in past. But realize lots of kids have good experiences too. And keep their faith and know God even in school.

 

As for compulsion to homeschool.and educating children not being a part of my faith. That I don't know how to separate. I feel strong conviction to homeschool them. I think it would be somehow violating what I feel convicted to do. So I don't know how to not home school and walk out my faith at same time.I have been called to raise these children ...the best I can.. and I feel that means to educate them. But I also realize I'm not the main source. I have learned how to be resourceful and look for resources to aid some of the burden . Teaching textbooks etc. Or art lessons on YouTube. I know I can't be all in all for them always... I came to realize that the hard way.

 

As for perversions out there I ascribed to free range parenting to some degree . I don't think theres a phedaphile behind every tree. But because of my past am cautious about certain things.

 

Thank you for all your comments I will continue to consider them

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[Anne in CA]

I am saying this very, kindly.

 

It makes a lot of sense that your older daughter is getting worse when things are more stable. She is threatened by that. It is part of PTSD. She needs the chaos that she grew up in. She understands it and it was her life. This was my oldest. There is only one way to deal with this, and it is ROUTINE. She needs to become dependent upon routine and you need to keep her life constant. She will fight it sometimes, she needs to test boundaries. My oldest was raised by a Borderline mother, her birth mother, my husband's ex-wife, for four years. She fought every routine, even though she loves routine. When she went to school she would throw a heavenly fit every time they changed the schedule or moved the desks. Home schooling was very beneficial to her because I kept her routine constant. Transitions are very hard for such people. They need more time scheduled for transitions and they need firmer boundaries not softer ones.

 

The temptation is to be kind, to give warnings, but if she is where I think she is those things are actually unkind. She needs to know that life has limits and that she is not the adult, you are. But limits and boundaries need to be coming from a place of love, not control.

[bookwormsix]

I am saying this very, kindly.

 

It makes a lot of sense that your older daughter is getting worse when things are more stable. She is threatened by that. It is part of PTSD. She needs the chaos that she grew up in. She understands it and it was her life. This was my oldest. There is only one way to deal with this, and it is ROUTINE. She needs to become dependent upon routine and you need to keep her life constant. She will fight it sometimes, she needs to test boundaries. My oldest was raised by a Borderline mother, her birth mother, my husband's ex-wife, for four years. She fought every routine, even though she loves routine. When she went to school she would throw a heavenly fit every time they changed the schedule or moved the desks. Home schooling was very beneficial to her because I kept her routine constant. Transitions are very hard for such people. They need more time scheduled for transitions and they need firmer boundaries not softer ones.

 

The temptation is to be kind, to give warnings, but if she is where I think she is those things are actually unkind. She needs to know that life has limits and that she is not the adult, you are. But limits and boundaries need to be coming from a place of love, not control.

You are right about her being extremely ridgit with changes to her schedule. I try to have routine as much as possible. I'm not sure I agree with the ptsd part. Only because she doesn't exhibit any of the symptoms that I know of. If she finds transitions hard she will find it equally hard to adapt to the pressures and flow of public school. Most of the time we have regular meal time together and quiet time at same time every day. Try to have snack at same time. These things change during hard times e.I meals are eaten in front of t.v. instead of at table etc. Little things like that. But it's not those changes she bulks at . It's within her homeschooling , during stable times.. ex. I ask her to do independent work before our Bible reading so I can jump in shower. Or if I change the topic in our Bible reading. Or if I ask her to pray first. Instead of leading that day. She will lose it.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[bookwormsix]

As well as my children have not been exposed to any situation that causes PTSD. PTSD is caused by severe things, not by having an imperfect mother who struggles . They may go through times of stress as would many families that go through challenging times. I don't think that's enough to say it's PTSD.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[Anne in CA]

As well as my children have not been exposed to any situation that causes PTSD. PTSD is caused by severe things, not by having an imperfect mother who struggles . They may go through times of stress as would many families that go through challenging times. I don't think that's enough to say it's PTSD.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

Having a mother with a personality disorder is very different from an imperfect mother with struggles. I am not trying to be unkind, that just is the reality.

[Annie G]

Periods of depression, unable to homeschool for weeks at a time and sending the kids to the grandparents,  feeling discouraged and hopeless...all of these sound like you really need to focus on yourself before you can concentrate on homeschooling.  But that doesn't mean you're a failure of a mom or wife or homeschooler. You just have to prioritize what needs to be done and right now you have to get healthy and provide basic care for your kids. If that means sending the older two to school for the rest of the school year, it's ok.   I really like the comment upthread about how on a plane they say to put the oxygen mask on your own face before trying to help those around you. It's a good way to look at it- if you get healthy, you can figure out what you can reasonably do and what you can't do.  You're also expecting another baby- that alone is huge even without any other issues. 

 

If you find putting your older kids in school helps with the stress level you're facing, then you might be delighted to spend time reading good literature with them after school. Or enriching their math education.  Afterschooling works well for lots of folks. 

 

Best wishes to you- there are a lot of things going on in your posts so please know that everyone just wants the best for you.   :grouphug:  

[itsheresomewhere]

Periods of depression, unable to homeschool for weeks at a time and sending the kids to the grandparents, feeling discouraged and hopeless...all of these sound like you really need to focus on yourself before you can concentrate on homeschooling. But that doesn't mean you're a failure of a mom or wife or homeschooler. You just have to prioritize what needs to be done and right now you have to get healthy and provide basic care for your kids. If that means sending the older two to school for the rest of the school year, it's ok. I really like the comment upthread about how on a plane they say to put the oxygen mask on your own face before trying to help those around you. It's a good way to look at it- if you get healthy, you can figure out what you can reasonably do and what you can't do. You're also expecting another baby- that alone is huge even without any other issues.

 

If you find putting your older kids in school helps with the stress level you're facing, then you might be delighted to spend time reading good literature with them after school. Or enriching their math education. Afterschooling works well for lots of folks.

 

Best wishes to you- there are a lot of things going on in your posts so please know that everyone just wants the best for you. :grouphug:

I agree with this.

[bookwormsix]

Thanks for all the advice. I am just trying to process it all. There are some hard things here. I am really thinking about where to go from here. That's why I reached out here to try to get an outside view. Although it's hard to really give you guys the whole picture and you don't truly know me , kids or what my home is like. Only how I am trying to describe it. As well as I don't have all the symptoms of BPD.... and have overcome almost all of the symptoms. I don't technically meet criteria anymore according to the DSM. However under a lot of stress and sleep deprivation that's when some of the symptoms are triggered. Ie thinking distortions, hard to manage emotions. It's hard to know when this will happen because the rest of the time I am high functioning.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[StephanieZ]

Well, I'd say that, IMHO, homeschooling is a bad idea for your family. 

 

All of us have limits. There is only so much we can do well, and if we push ourselves past our limits, we are going to start failing. 

 

Since you just can NOT fail at raising and loving your kids, you have to get some stuff off your plate so you can do a good job at what you do.

 

 

 

I personally think you are just demanding too much of yourself. 

 

Have you heard "You can have anything you want. But not everything you want." or "You can have everything you want. But not at the same time." I'm sure I've butchered the quotes but I think they each make a lot of sense. I remind myself of these all the time. You have to make choices in life. For you, saying "Yes" to having 5 kids maybe means saying "No" to homeschooling. For another family, saying "Yes" to homeschooling might mean saying "No" to new cars or pricey vacations. Saying "Yes" to serious church involvement might mean saying "No" to volunteering for Habitat . . . Etc. Etc. All good things, but you can't do ALL the good things. You have to choose.

 

You have 4 kids with a 5th on the way. I'm guessing that more might be on the horizon since you've already got #5 on the way with pretty close spacing. So, in any event, you've got a large family and might later have a *very* large family. That's a LOT of work and responsibility.

 

You have serious mental health issues that require you to be extra vigilant with your own wellness for your own sake and that of your family. That requires time and attention and presumably money (for therapy/counseling, etc. if not also for medications, etc.)

 

 

 

You and your husband must determine what your priorities are and make choices accordingly.

 

You can't have 5 kids, make 5 course meals from scratch every night, homeschool all day, workout every day, go to your counseling sessions weekly, take each kid to their needed therapies, etc, call your mom, sew a quilt each month, go to grad school, work half time, have a big organic garden, weave your own cloth, sew your kid's clothes, drive for Meals on Wheels, . . . 

 

Oh, I'm being ridiculous? That sounds RIDICULOUS? Anyone knows you can't do ALL that stuff at the same time? 

 

Yep. EXACTLY. 

 

You are trying to do too much. Much, much, much too much.

 

Scale back. Focus on the important stuff. Find a great school for your school age kids, bake them cookies when they get home and help them with their homework and take them to Sunday school . . . . and love your babies and take care of your own health and your marriage. 

 

Homeschooling is not for everyone at every time. You can always reconsider at some later time when (if) things are calmer and your health is stable. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Anne in CA]

I just hope you can be kind to yourself. You have a lot riding on your health and you have a new baby coming. No one should have to be perfect, but you have a lot of people depending on you and it sounds stressful. It sounds like you are doing too much right now. Home schooling aside. Unschooling would be a horrible fit for your oldest, and you need to take care of your health and put on your own oxygen mask, so to speak. Borderline Personality doesn't happen in a vacuum. Things happened to you when you were younger yourself. I am sorry for your stress.

[Mergath]

I'm saying this as gently as possible- if I was in your shoes, school, public or home, would be the last of my worries. I would be concerned with getting myself and my daughter accurate diagnoses and beginning treatment. If she is having rages and smearing feces, she most likely won't be able to be in a mainstream classroom anyway. From what you've posted, I wouldn't rule out PTSD. It doesn't have to result from some catastrophic thing. Long periods of moderate stress can cause it.

 

You said you think your kids are well-adapted, but at the same time have such severe behaviors that even respite care couldn't manage them. I don't think you're seeing the situation clearly. Please seek mental health care as soon as possible for yourself and your children.

[abba12]

I want to come back and reply further tonight, but for now I do just want to encourage you. I have severe mental illness that effects daily life, including lots of days I wake up and just know I'm not capable of school that day without causing a massive mental health episode. There's things you can do to make it work and help the situation, it can be done, and I'll message you tonight with some of what helps us. But first and foremost you need to be working from a place of health within yourself, and you need to ensure you know the needs of your eldest, so those are top priorities. I learned quickly that I need to take care of myself first if I'm going to have any hope of caring for my kids in the ways they deserve.

[bookwormsix]

I'm saying this as gently as possible- if I was in your shoes, school, public or home, would be the last of my worries. I would be concerned with getting myself and my daughter accurate diagnoses and beginning treatment. If she is having rages and smearing feces, she most likely won't be able to be in a mainstream classroom anyway. From what you've posted, I wouldn't rule out PTSD. It doesn't have to result from some catastrophic thing. Long periods of moderate stress can cause it.

 

You said you think your kids are well-adapted, but at the same time have such severe behaviors that even respite care couldn't manage them. I don't think you're seeing the situation clearly. Please seek mental health care as soon as possible for yourself and your children.

As for well adapted. I mean they engage people , get along with people. Make eye contact, carry on good conversations.

 

As for issues with the respite the eldest who has issues with authority did not like to be told what to do. And the rrspite worker did not know how to handle daughters mood swings. There also was a huge cultural and language barrier which made dealing with her even more challenging. And then little brother who looks up to big sister would gang up with sister to give the worker hell.

 

Some of that is normal . But I know a lot of kids act this way for a babysitter. Not listening. Playing pranks. Trying to get away with stuff. Saying " your not my mom I don't have to listen to you"

I think some of it was normal kid stuff. And then some of it was my daughter's issues. Which I mentioned.

Overall my kids are good kids. They are just challenging and have their challenges. Although I don't think poop smearing is normal. Which is why I'm seeking help. As well as for her moods swings getting help.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[bookwormsix]

I want to come back and reply further tonight, but for now I do just want to encourage you. I have severe mental illness that effects daily life, including lots of days I wake up and just know I'm not capable of school that day without causing a massive mental health episode. There's things you can do to make it work and help the situation, it can be done, and I'll message you tonight with some of what helps us. But first and foremost you need to be working from a place of health within yourself, and you need to ensure you know the needs of your eldest, so those are top priorities. I learned quickly that I need to take care of myself first if I'm going to have any hope of caring for my kids in the ways they deserve.

Thanks. Hearing from someone who has mental illness and has made it work for their family .it would be great to hear from you too.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[Mom2Five]

I just wanted to say that I am convinced that I could be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I have 5 under the age of 9, three of whom have birth defects that require multiple surgeries, one on the spectrum for autism and one that is convinced her goal in life is to be a human tornado. I swear I turned around and she had a box of noodles early and then I blinked and chased after her to find her seconds later in the kitchen trying to cut her hair with scissors (safety scissors *pat myself on the back*) and then I found the box of noodles dumped out in ds1's bed right before I go to lay him down. How does she do that??

I have done everything you listed. I have had a pediatrician tell me to just put dd6 in public school because they will diagnose her.

Please feel free to message me if you would like to talk since our situations are so similar.

[abacus2]

I definitely agree with the others who have said that mental health care for you and your oldest needs to be a higher priority than school right now.

 

That said, it sounds to me like maybe your homeschool stress is unnecessary. The primary concern you mentioned related to schooling was "being behind," but then you said that your school age children are doing quite well academically. As long as you are teaching and your kids are learning and progressing, it does not matter if your lessons did not get completed at the pace you originally planned.

[bookwormsix]

I definitely agree with the others who have said that mental health care for you and your oldest needs to be a higher priority than school right now.

 

That said, it sounds to me like maybe your homeschool stress is unnecessary. The primary concern you mentioned related to schooling was "being behind," but then you said that your school age children are doing quite well academically. As long as you are teaching and your kids are learning and progressing, it does not matter if your lessons did not get completed at the pace you originally planned.

Well. She is behind in the books that are scheduled to read. Those are the books that are supposed to be read aloud.

 

This is something that I'm trying to consider... whether we need a differnet rhythm to what we trying to get done.

I wanted to have a resonable workload in times when it's not running smoothly, but I also don't want to cut back so much that she's missing out. I'm trying to find that balance. I've already cut out many books and other things . I've also started doing teaching textbooks in math. So it's one less thing for me to do.

 

As for daughter and her being top priority. We have all the appropriate referrals in. And are waiting. There's nothing else we can do for now. I feel like stopping her education because she's having challenges would not be right. Kids don't stop getting educated because things are hard. And we have taken breaKS. And she actually gets worse during times of too much extended breaks. She needs the purpose and routine.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[purplejackmama]

I'm sorry life is so hard right now. I wish I had the answers but I don't. I will agree with the others that your health and your children's must be TOP priority. With your issues being exasperated by stress I would look at this as a season to utilize public schools. Homeschooling is extremely stressful and such a mental challenge. Allow yourself space and permission to take care of yourself. I wouldn't let any decision I make feel permanent, but realize everyone needs a little help sometimes.

 

Sometimes kids thrive in outside environments when there's too much chaos at home. This season of schooling might be just what your kids need.

[abacus2]

Well. She is behind in the books that are scheduled to read. Those are the books that are supposed to be read aloud.

 

This is something that I'm trying to consider... whether we need a differnet rhythm to what we trying to get done.

I wanted to have a resonable workload in times when it's not running smoothly, but I also don't want to cut back so much that she's missing out. I'm trying to find that balance. I've already cut out many books and other things . I've also started doing teaching textbooks in math. So it's one less thing for me to do.

 

As for daughter and her being top priority. We have all the appropriate referrals in. And are waiting. There's nothing else we can do for now. I feel like stopping her education because she's having challenges would not be right. Kids don't stop getting educated because things are hard. And we have taken breaKS. And she actually gets worse during times of too much extended breaks. She needs the purpose and routine.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

 

You are the teacher. You schedule the books. You don't have to follow anyone else's schedule. Curriculum is your tool, not your master. And feel free to change your mind and adjust your own plan. I definitely didn't mean to stop school. I meant when you make decisions about what to do, ask the question "What is best for our mental health?" before the question "What is the best academic plan?"

[GoodGrief]

I've had a fair amount of personal experience with BPD in immediate family members.

 

Your mental health has to be the priority. If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, the best treatment for that condition is dialectical behavior therapy. Individual and group therapy would be helpful.

 

BPD is frequently co-morbid with other conditions; that means you could also have depression, anxiety, other things. If that is the case, medication can be helpful, even necessary.

 

You absolutely need to be working with mental health professionals. BPD is one of the more difficult mental health conditions to treat.

 

Google Marsha Linehan. Her work is inspiring.

 

Homeschooling may or may not be realistic right now. You will have the best success if you are at a healthy place when you start.

[GoodGrief]

I want to add, you are not a terrible mother if you don't homeschool. Knowing your limits, and making appropriate choices in light of those limits is excellent parenting.

[abba12]

I decided that I don't feel comfortable sharing that much information about the nuts and bolts of our less-than-ideal homeschool publicly. I've PMed you instead, it should be in your inbox.

 

If anyone else is following this looking for advice and interested message me and I'm happy to PM the same to others, but I don't feel up to being judged for potentially controversial opinions here. 

[bookwormsix]

You are the teacher. You schedule the books. You don't have to follow anyone else's schedule. Curriculum is your tool, not your master. And feel free to change your mind and adjust your own plan. I definitely didn't mean to stop school. I meant when you make decisions about what to do, ask the question "What is best for our mental health?" before the question "What is the best academic plan?"

Well what's best for my kids is that I don't have to stop everything and end up hospitalized on meds just to care for myself . I just keep going with breaks here and there. trying to care my best for them which for me includes their academics.

 

You are right . It should not be a master. But I feel disappointed when I drop books. I don't want her to miss out on such a great story. I have been trying to find ways to adjust .

 

My question ( i guess it was too rambley) was how do I keep homeschooling children while having mental illness?

Mental illness that Is only triggered under a lot of stress. Which means these breakdowns are the exception not the rule. I feel conviction to homeschool them and was looking for practical advice on how to keep the ship floating during those times. As well because it's triggered under times of stress normal life events that are stressful, it wouldnt make sense to just stop. These events are always going to be there. My ability to cope during these times has improved. If I had to send the kids away every time there was stress and it was too hard to cope my children would never be home. This mental illness improves over time. It doesn't just turn off because I took a pill or because I sent to kids school . It improves by going through things and learning how to cope in it.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[Annie G]

Well what's best for my kids is that I don't have to stop everything and end up hospitalized on meds just to care for myself . I just keep going with breaks here and there. trying to care my best for them which for me includes their academics.

 

You are right . It should not be a master. But I feel disappointed when I drop books. I don't want her to miss out on such a great story. I have been trying to find ways to adjust .

 

My question ( i guess it was too rambley) was how do I keep homeschooling children while having mental illness?

Mental illness that Is only triggered under a lot of stress. Which means these breakdowns are the exception not the rule. I feel conviction to homeschool them and was looking for practical advice on how to keep the ship floating during those times. As well because it's triggered under times of stress normal life events that are stressful, it wouldnt make sense to just stop. These events are always going to be there. My ability to cope during these times has improved. If I had to send the kids away every time there was stress and it was too hard to cope my children would never be home. This mental illness improves over time. It doesn't just turn off because I took a pill or because I sent to kids school . It improves by going through things and learning how to cope in it.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

 

I didn't realize that you were only looking for ways to continue homeschooling. Helpful hint- if you don't want a dissenting  opinion, you should add a JAWM to your title. It will cut down on the replies that don't coincide with what you want to hear. 

 

However, since you haven't yet added that JAWM, I'm going to continue to disagree. You are not being realistic.  On one hand you say things are improving and you just need to take breaks now and then. But then you say things (like above) that if you sent your kids away every time it was too hard to cope then your children would never be home.   That doesn't really sound like breakdowns are the exception and not the rule.  

 

But on the bright side, the stories that you don't want your 8 year old to miss? They'll still be there. Plenty of people never read Little House books, To Kill a Mockingbird, and other good stories until they became adults.  She's got lots of childhood left to go, and plenty of time to read good books. 

 

I know you want the best for your children and that's why considering school is such a win-win. It might be better for all of you right now...and it's not a forever decision. 

[HomeAgain]

I would encourage looking at it from an outside perspective, about a prospective school you would send your child to.  In this school, the teacher has a mental illness.  It is not usually a problem, though 30% of your child's school year will be spent not learning.  This year, however, the teacher will be dealing with a situation that will exacerbate the mental illness, creating an environment that may be down to 50% learning or below.  And your child, too, has a mental illness and requires specific care. 

 

Is this a good school to send your child?  Why or why not?

 

Would the answer change in a year, when the teacher's condition improves?

 

 

I cannot in good conscience look at a home that seems to be utter chaos and say that is the best place for a child to spend all their time.

[bookwormsix]

I didn't realize that you were only looking for ways to continue homeschooling. Helpful hint- if you don't want a dissenting opinion, you should add a JAWM to your title. It will cut down on the replies that don't coincide with what you want to hear.

 

However, since you haven't yet added that JAWM, I'm going to continue to disagree. You are not being realistic. On one hand you say things are improving and you just need to take breaks now and then. But then you say things (like above) that if you sent your kids away every time it was too hard to cope then your children would never be home. That doesn't really sound like breakdowns are the exception and not the rule.

 

But on the bright side, the stories that you don't want your 8 year old to miss? They'll still be there. Plenty of people never read Little House books, To Kill a Mockingbird, and other good stories until they became adults. She's got lots of childhood left to go, and plenty of time to read good books.

 

I know you want the best for your children and that's why considering school is such a win-win. It might be better for all of you right now...and it's not a forever decision.

I don't know what JAWM means?

 

What I meant was I regularly feel stress and a lot of times feel like a can't cope....but I do do cope. I get though it.

Then at other times I can't actually cope that is more rare. Once a month or once every two months, or for a week here and there every 12 weeks. Or a month here and there when babies are new. Or weeks leading up to delivery.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[zoobie]

I don't know what JAWM means?

 

What I meant was I regularly feel stress and a lot of times feel like a can't cope....but I do do cope. I get though it.

Then at other times I can't actually cope that is more rare. Once a month or once every two months, or for a week here and there every 12 weeks. Or a month here and there when babies are new. Or weeks leading up to delivery.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

That adds up to quite a bit of time, especially if you're planning to continue having children at the current pace. You've got a significant portion of the year unavailable. For a typical child, it would be difficult to remain resilient through that amount of chaos. For a child with less flexibility and resilience, that is crippling. If you are in a near-constant state of crisis, there'a no time or resources for you to seek treatment of your own.

 

Is your DH also suffering from mental illness? Is there someone not in crisis in these children's lives who can help?

[bookwormsix]

That adds up to quite a bit of time, especially if you're planning to continue having children at the current pace. You've got a significant portion of the year unavailable. For a typical child, it would be difficult to remain resilient through that amount of chaos. For a child with less flexibility and resilience, that is crippling. If you are in a near-constant state of crisis, there'a no time or resources for you to seek treatment of your own.

 

Is your DH also suffering from mental illness? Is there someone not in crisis in these children's lives who can help?

Husband is stable in every way.

 

And after this baby are discussing stopping.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[bookwormsix]

Husband is stable in every way.

 

And after this baby are discussing stopping.

 

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

The grandparents take kids for a week end about once a month and half. Just as a way to connect worh them and cause I need a break... not cause mommy is in crisis and is sending them away. I try to have them go out there before I have a break down.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[AmandaVT]

I've had a fair amount of personal experience with BPD in immediate family members.

 

Your mental health has to be the priority. If you have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, the best treatment for that condition is dialectical behavior therapy. Individual and group therapy would be helpful.

 

BPD is frequently co-morbid with other conditions; that means you could also have depression, anxiety, other things. If that is the case, medication can be helpful, even necessary.

 

You absolutely need to be working with mental health professionals. BPD is one of the more difficult mental health conditions to treat.

 

Google Marsha Linehan. Her work is inspiring.

 

Homeschooling may or may not be realistic right now. You will have the best success if you are at a healthy place when you start.

 

Since you can't like things twice, I'm quoting you in agreement. BPD isn't an easy condition to treat and your mental wellbeing has to come first. I'd find a good school in your area and keep advocating for your daughter. Sometimes you have to be the squeaky wheel to get an appointment sooner. Good luck!

[bookwormsix]

Since you can't like things twice, I'm quoting you in agreement. BPD isn't an easy condition to treat and your mental wellbeing has to come first. I'd find a good school in your area and keep advocating for your daughter. Sometimes you have to be the squeaky wheel to get an appointment sooner. Good luck!

Have aready called to make her a priority and they changed her status to urgent. They bumped her up the waiting list. But because I haven't heard anything in a couple weeks . I am calling again on Monday.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[Pen]

I've not read all the replies. This may be redundant, or contrary to more info after your first post.

 

I'd suggest putting at least you oldest in school. A Christian school, if avail, might help meet your desires with regard to religion. But a public school may have more help available for her. She probably needs to be in a special ed class b/c of the behavior problems, but maybe in a school setting she would not display the problems she does at home. You may still want to work with her some after school--when you are both able-- so that she keeps making good progress with her academics. But putting her (and maybe the 5YO) in school would ease your burden and let you focus on your own needs and those of the younger children better.

 

No more babies after this next birth seems wise.

 

In airplanes they tell parents to put on their own oxygen masks before they try to help their children. You need to put your own emotional health as top priority, and if you are more emotionally healthy that will be a great benefit to your whole family. 

[bookwormsix]

I'll add when my daughter overheard me talking to principal of potential school about my options and her enrollment she was very upset. When I tried to talk to her of the perks...and how she will get to play more with kids her own age and won't have to hang out with her younger brothers all day. She started crying " but I like hanging out with my brothers" it took her a while to come around to even consider it.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[bookwormsix]

I'll add when my daughter overheard me talking to principal of potential school about my options and her enrollment she was very upset. When I tried to talk to her of the perks...and how she will get to play more with kids her own age and won't have to hang out with her younger brothers all day. She started crying " but I like hanging out with my brothers" it took her a while to come around to even consider it.

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

But if I comes down to it will do what we feel is best even if she is initially upset.

 

 

Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk

[luuknam]

JAWM means Just Agree With Me.

 

You said the principal sounded nice when you called. I'd suggest getting an in-person appointment, visiting the school, and just seeing how they are. I know you said you were in a bad part of town, but she wouldn't necessarily end up in your local school given her issues. School may be good or it might be bad (if a bad school), but it wouldn't hurt to just go and see and talk... you wouldn't have to send her if it looked bad. Given her issues, she might need to be in a therapeutic classroom or need a 1-1 aide or something. The school might be more or less willing to provide her with that... you'd have to talk to them to see. Like others have said, it's not a forever decision.