Tap Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 DS21 is one of the groomsmen in a March Wedding. It is a man who he has known for 10 years and who lived in our neighborhood as a young teen. We received and invitation to the general household, which I believe was a sincere request for us to attend since he spent a lot of time at our house over the years. DS21 will obviously be there, but the rest of us will not. I want to mail a card with money (20yo couple just moving in together), but am not sure when the proper time is to send it. Can I send it now (4 weeks early) or do I need to wait until closer to the event? If I should wait, what is the etiquette on timing of mailing a card? I don't want to send it with DS because it will be a busy day and I don't want it to get forgotten about. I have never mailed a wedding gift before and feel really odd doing it, but otherwise I know I will forget to send it all together. We have a ton of stessful things going on in my household right now and I am on vacation this week. I plan to tie up as many loose ends this week so I don't forget them later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I don't see any problem with mailing a wedding check early. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I would send it now. I contributed to my nephew's boat registry weeks ans weeks before the wedding. I cannot imagine anyone getting bent out of shape because a gift arrived four weeks prior to the wedding. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 It is never too early once the invitation is received. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 You can totally send it. They are probably getting registry stuff rolling in if their invites are out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Ok, wonderful I will send it now. which makes me realize that I don't know what to do. Do I send it to the brides address (the return address on the invite) or to the grooms address (the one we know)? Also, how do I address it? Like they are already married, or with their individual names? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 It is perfectly acceptable to decline with regrets and send your gift at this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Is there a return address envelope with the RSVP card? If so, you can send it to that address because that will be the person generally in charge of tallying who is and is not coming, along with keeping track of gifts so the bride and groom can write their thank you notes later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I would send it to the groom, since that is who you know. I would address the check Mr. and Mrs. Groom's First and Last name. He will be able to deposit it that way. We deposited a lot of checks like that before I changed my name. I would probably address the envelope to "The Future Mr. and Mrs. [Groom's name]". They will probably like seeing that in writing :thumbup: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) I would send it to the groom, since that is who you know. I would address the check Mr. and Mrs. Groom's First and Last name. He will be able to deposit it that way. We deposited a lot of checks like that before I changed my name. I would probably address the envelope to "The Future Mr. and Mrs. [Groom's name]". They will probably like seeing that in writing :thumbup: I would actually write it to Mr. OR Mrs. Last Name. Otherwise you may get a stickler at the bank requiring both signatures on the check. Ask me how I know? Edited February 17, 2016 by Rach 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 DS21 is one of the groomsmen in a March Wedding. It is a man who he has known for 10 years and who lived in our neighborhood as a young teen. We received and invitation to the general household, which I believe was a sincere request for us to attend since he spent a lot of time at our house over the years. DS21 will obviously be there, but the rest of us will not. I want to mail a card with money (20yo couple just moving in together), but am not sure when the proper time is to send it. Can I send it now (4 weeks early) or do I need to wait until closer to the event? If I should wait, what is the etiquette on timing of mailing a card? I don't want to send it with DS because it will be a busy day and I don't want it to get forgotten about. I have never mailed a wedding gift before and feel really odd doing it, but otherwise I know I will forget to send it all together. We have a ton of stessful things going on in my household right now and I am on vacation this week. I plan to tie up as many loose ends this week so I don't forget them later. The proper etiquette is to send a gift of some kind, not money. Get something nice, something *you* would like, from a store in the community so that it will be easy to return if necessary. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I have to disagree with the pp, saying not to give money. You can give what you want to give, even if that is money. It is wrong for the couple to directly ask for ANYTHING, including money. But OP should give what she wants and feels is best for the couple. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 I agree about giving gifts but this is a couple who are young, in college and are just starting out. I assume they will be moving away this fall when he changes from Community College to University. I would rather give them money (a Visa gift card) instead of $50 in home items that they have to move in the fall. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Chinese gives cash (in actual dollar bills) in a red packet for weddings for many generations :) Whatever money is left after defraying the wedding dinner's cost typically helps pay down the couple's mortgage. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 While some people may say money is not acceptable, it's far more practical. In my book practical wins every time. I think you can send it to either address, although for us personally, I appreciated the ones who sent it to the RSVP address (which was mine). I collected all the cards and gifts that arrived early and we opened them after the wedding with everything we received at that time. The ones that went to my DH's address, meant he had to remember to bring it to my place so everything stayed together. It was just one more thing to think of during a very busy time. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 (edited) Money seems okay to me, but if I was torn then I would get a gift card to where ever they are registered (if they have a registry). That way, once they have settled into their home they can buy something from their registry. Depending on when, their registry will also potentially discount the item 10% if it's on the list and was never purchased. Edited February 17, 2016 by heartlikealion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Money is totally acceptable and probably will be much appreciated. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Money is a perfectly acceptable gift.I would be wary about mailing it to the groom if you're sending the information that you won't be there with it. Grooms aren't known for keeping track of those kinds of details and notifying the person who is keeping track of those details. If you send the money and the decline separately, then I think it's fine to send the money to the groom. Send the decline to the return address on the invitation as stated upthread. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Money is a perfectly appropriate and welcome wedding gift. :) Most weddings I've been to have had a card basket on the gift table, and many people drop off only a card with cash or a gift card instead of a wrapped item. (And some folks bring a gift and a lovely card. Or just a lovely card saying congratulations.) Young couples can usually use the cash to get started on their new life in some way. :) My dd and her dh are coming up on their first wedding anniversary. They saved most of their wedding cash for their upcoming move. Then they moved away. Boooo. :( I would send the gift now, to the return address on the invitation. I hope you're getting some time to rest and regroup during your week off. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think sending money is appropriate. I would be wary of addressing the envelope (and/or check) to Mr and Mrs Groom's last name as seems disrespectful if the bride and groom are not sharing the same last name after marriage. Therefore, I usually address the envelope and/or check to the person that I know - in your example, the groom. If I'm enclosing a card, I write a note inside with both bride and groom's first name as salutation. Myra 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocassie Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I don't know proper etiquette, but I would think anytime after you have received an invitation would be appropriate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I think the Visa cards have an exp. date or start charging a fee if you don't use it within a certain time frame. I doubt that would be an issue, but it seems to me that came up when we discussed the Staples rebate. That's why I took the advice to swap mine out with an Amazon card immediately. I'm frugal so I'd probably go with store gift card (if I wasn't sure how to address the check) and didn't want to pay the activation fee of the Visa card lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 I prefer sending a personal check. That way I know when they have cashed it and I don't have to fret that someone threw away the envelope with a gift card in it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Wedding gifts are welcome anytime between the day you got the invitation and many months after the wedding. Definitely go ahead and mail it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 Personal check, sent to the RSVP address with a nice card and a note. Then bride or her mom/sister will record it all appropriately, and when the check is cashed you'll know they got it, even if they don't send a thank you card. Some don't, and you don't want to be wondering if it got lost in the mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.