Move-in day: What your advice? How long did you stay, etc., etc.??

[profmom]

I'd love to hear your advice for dorm move-in day!  We're driving our oldest up on Sunday, and move-in day is Monday!  We plan to start early when it's cooler.  How long should we stay??  What other advice do you have?  :bigear:

[clementine]

Listening in..... :)

[Myra]

Based on past experiences, it took less than one hour to check into the dorm, set up computer and printer to college wi-fi, make bed, and unpack.  We usually bring sandwiches for a picnic lunch on the quad and then out of there.  I'd like to stay longer but you can only hang out in a dorm room for so long esp if roomie is moving in at the same time!  

[dirty ethel rackham]

Are there other things that need to be done (i.e. health forms, HIPPA and/or FERPA waivers, w-4s?)  My older two are at small schools that had parent and student orientation meetings.  But, I remember my dad taking me out to lunch before taking off.  That was always special to me. 

[Annie G]

We never stayed more than an hour or so, unless you count time spent at an orientation meeting or something. 

 

 

[Pawz4me]

It took us maybe 60 to 90 minutes to get the cars unpacked and DS's part of the room set up.  Then DH had to help DS and his roommate with a weird cable hookup for their TV (required a trip to buy an extra long cable).  We went to the student bookstore and browsed around and bought a few things, walked with DS to tech services to get a computer issue taken care of and then had lunch.  And then we said our goodbyes and left.  Actually DH and I went back to the cafeteria one more time because they were feeding parents at no cost and DH wanted another serving of froyo.  Then we left. ;)

[Vida Winter]

After moving in we all went out to lunch and then back to the room for a half hour or so before parting. One of the tougher days in a mom's life.

[J-rap]

We moved in and set up her room in about 90 minutes, then took a leisurely walk around campus, had lunch in the school cafeteria, hung out back in her room for about 20 minutes or so, and left.

 

Our home is about 2.5 hours away, but almost every single relative lives about 15 minutes away from her school.  We ended up seeing our daughter almost weekly, as there was always some family event going on.  :lol:

[Gwen in VA]

Your kid's college may have a drop-off day schedule up somewhere.

 

At my older kids' colleges, we helped unpack, the college served lunch, we attended a quick one-hour parent orientation, we rejoined the kid for a quick hug, and then we left. We were on campus for ~4-5 hours.

 

We are dropping our youngest off in ten days, and the parent orientation there is supposed to run from 11:00 a.m. until 7:00 p.m.!!!! I have NO idea what they will do with us (or to us!), but I guess we'll be staying quite a while! It's also unclear if we will be with dd or if our orientation is separate from hers. We'll see!

[creekland]

With oldest we dropped him off and left because that's the way it had worked back in the old days when hubby and I went to college. It never occurred to us that it would be different.  We were probably there for an hour or so.

 

We missed all the things his college had set up for parents/kids.  My guy was one of the few without parents and I think he felt rather abandoned.  We felt bad.  Fortunately another boardie stuck around with her kid and adopted mine for at least some of the time.

 

We did not make the same mistake with middle and youngest.  We looked closely at what each SCHOOL had planned (on their schedule) and stayed accordingly.  Some of it all was actually quite interesting.  Other parts were boring.  In a way, that mimics life.  We have no regrets with what we did for our youngest two.  We would do it over again in a heartbeat for oldest.

 

How long to stay?  It depends upon the SCHOOL as well as your student IME.

[momofkhm]

We dropped oldest off 2 years ago.  We got her stuff into her room in one trip.  (We ended up parking no where close to the dorm and dh was bound and determined not to walk more than necessary!)  I made her bed.  She did NOT want help unpacking.  We walked over to the bookstore and got her one of those things for her college ID.  The whole time we could tell she was antsy for us to leave, so we did.  I don't know how long we were there, but it wasn't long.  Of course, she is 15 minutes away.  We noticed she needed something to put her clock on overnight and were back the next day with one.  But that weekend, she would not let us take her out to eat!

 

Sophomore year drop off, we walked her over to the bookstore to pick up books and she kicked us out.

Junior year, this year I expect about the same.  Move stuff in and be kicked out.

 

Middle child moves in this year.  I expect to move stuff into the dorm and then??  I don't know how much help she will want and allow.  I'll key into her.  She won't be up early so I expect we will take her to lunch before we leave.

[ThisIsTheDay]

Dd moved into a very large school. I guess it took about an hour and a half to get moved in, between the very organized parking, checking in, getting the moving bins, and moving things from the car to her room.  The line to the elevator was the most daunting but there was a lot of excitement and it passed quickly. 

 

Dd's roommate had been dropped off by her parents, so we invited her to go to lunch with us. We went off campus and went to Chili's, a regular, normal place in the middle of a crazy day.  After that, we walked them back to the dorm and said pretty quick goodbyes.  That was the awkward part, knowing exactly when to leave, and dd and I both trying to keep it all together.

 

It was definitely easier the second time around.  :)

[Granny_Weatherwax]

All ears.  I wonder if there is a correlation between drive time and hanging around time.  We have to drive 13 hours to drop off DS.  I certainly want to spend more than an hour or two on campus. Although, with the AT right there...................  :D  Can I slow down, open the door, toss him out, and head for the trail?

[Starr]

Some people drop the kids off and go and others organize, shop, and all go out to dinner. It depends on the family and the school. 

[Laura Corin]

I moved his stuff in (just dumped it on the floor), gave him a quick hug, and left.  I stayed in town all afternoon (he knew I was occupied doing something I loved, but he also knew I was available) then set off for home.

 

We arranged in advance how he wanted it to work - ask your child.

[Angie in VA]

Getting dd's things in the dorm took no time. DH, ds, and I were there to carry items in, but there was plenty of help from college kids, there just to help freshmen (and make a great impression on parents. Ditto for a friend of mine whose ds went to another school.) In fact, dd checked in w/ her RA first thing, and by the time she came out of her R's room w/ her room key (~10 minutes later), everything was out of our car and in her room!

Dd is an organizer by nature, so we knew she didn't need our help getting things put away, but she took a small bookcase which DH and ds assembled for her there. We then took her to pick up the books she'd bought (which were NOT in the bookstore, but in a dorm where others were moving in. Grrr!) Then we took her to lunch, dropped her off at her dorm, and rode home while I wiped tears.

Huge time saver: dd got her school ID at (the one day) orientation in July. On move-in day, DH drove her to the campus post office for something, and they saw a very long line of kids who hadn't gotten their IDs yet. Whew!

Last year, her sophomore year, stark contrast: there were no helpers there (other than ds and me and one friend we saw, an Eagle Scout, bless him!), I don't think we took her to lunch, b/c she met up w/ her gang pretty soon after we got her things in her room. Ds and I stopped for lunch on the way home. I had tears a few days before she left and that morning. Possibly on the way home too. 

This year, she'll have her car at school (and it is hers, paid for by her!), and she has really minimized what she takes to school, so it all fits in her small car. Her room is on the first floor this year, so moving in will be a breeze! Still, ds and I will drive out there to help her get everything in her room, possibly take her out to lunch, and kiss her goodbye. I can't NOT go.

Maybe next year, her senior year, I won't feel the need to go?

Edited March 9, 2016 by Angie in VA

[AngieW in Texas]

Oldest, first year:

I drove my oldest there in the van (4-5 hours, depending on traffic). We arrived at the day/time given on the room assignment (about noon). I drove up and the move-in team unloaded the car into two giant laundry bins and took them to her room while my dd went through the check-in process to get her key and I found a place to park the car. We got her room unpacked, went shopping at Target, and went out to eat. I left her for the evening and went to the grandparents (15-30 minutes away, depending on traffic) for the night. She was on the phone with me, sobbing, for about an hour after I got to the grandparents. She made it through her first night. I went back to campus in the morning and spent most of the day with her, but had to leave by 4:00 to get through downtown before rush hour. I got her signed up with the counseling office on campus before I left. She had a really difficult adjustment and ended up coming home for spring semester.

 

Oldest, second year:

I drove my dd's stuff in the van again, but this time she was following in a car also loaded with stuff. This time she was staying in a private apartment on campus and had a car. We did not arrive at the day/time given on the room assignment and that was a HUGE mistake because there was no move-in team. We had to cart everything up three flights of stairs for her unfurnished apartment. We went out bed-shopping and got one set to be delivered in a few days. She slept on an inflatable air mattress until it was delivered. I stayed with her until the 2nd day. She did fine for this move-in. She kept the apartment over the summer (because if you don't pay for the summer, you lose the apartment and likely will not be able to get a single again), so moving back in the next year was super easy.

 

Middle, first year, and Oldest, third year:

I drove my middle there in my car (no more van) with the oldest following separately in a car. We arrived at the day/time on the room assignment for the middle (noon). After getting her room unpacked, we made a short trip out to Target for supplies and then I went to see the oldest and make sure that she was settling in well. I left by 4pm to get across downtown before rush hour.

 

Middle, second year:

I drove my middle up there in the car. We had a day/time assignment of noon again. I helped her get her room unpacked and set up. We made a short trip out to Target for supplies and ate a late lunch before I headed out by 4pm to beat rush hour. She knows how to pack for school, so everything fit into the Honda Fit and I could even see out the rear window.

 

Middle, third year:

My dh will be driving her up this year because I will have teacher in-service on her move-in day. Last year she moved in on a Saturday, so I was able to take her, but this year it's a weekday. I learned my lesson about coming on a day other than the assigned day. Each dorm/apartment building has an assigned move-in day and that's where the move-in team is. She will do fine. She loves being at school because that's where all her friends are. 

[Nan in Mass]

You might think about how much support your child is going to need getting adjusted to the new living situation.  Is the child the type that likes to go exploring to figure out how to get laundry done, get their computer up and running, and find their mailbox?  Or are they going to be overwhelmed enough that having you help them get that figured out before you leave will ease the situation and make it more managable?

 

And think about exchanging contact information with the roommate's parents They may be your best bet for a place to spend Thanksgiving or a ride to or from the airport, bus, or train station, if they are local, or combining transportation costs if you both are not, or if you are the one who is local, you can be very helpful when Thanksgiving comes around.  It also can be reassuring in an emergency or if you have important family news and it turns out that you have one of those students who is bad about charging their phone and bad about being the one to contact you.

 

And think about how much unpacking/bed-making you want to do for your child.

 

And think about who in the family needs to see where beloved brother or sister is vanishing to - dogs, small children, and family members who don't understand what "away at school" means.  It can be inspiring for siblings who are going to be starting their own college applications soon, as well.

 

And think about how much shopping you want to do on the spot, and how many other families will also be doing just that.

 

And think about whether the school has events planned.  Our sons' colleges had things pretty well orchestrated, with orientation events, family meals, and a good-bye time specified.

 

And think about what sort of medical or counseling support your child will need set up before you leave.

 

And think about when the next contact will be.  Specifying this if you have a child who may not think to do it on their own might be a good idea. : )

 

And think about how much time there is until bed and how much stuff is scheduled for that time.  If there isn't much, going out for dinner might not be a bad idea.

 

And think about whether anything needs to be done to be ready for classes and whether you need to help with any of that - Where is the bookstore? Advising?  School supplies?  Do you have the sort of child who needs you to walk them around and find their classrooms ahead of time?  Do they need you to help them find a comfy corner of the library in which to retreat or study?

 

And think about whether you need to encourage them to sign up for clubs and activities, and whether that is happening right away.  It is easier to do that sort of thing right away, sometimes, when there are tables and sign-up sheets waiting, than it is to do it later.

 

And think about what is needed for them to be comfortable at the gym.  Do they need a locker? Do they need to be shown around in order not to be intimidated?  What are the rules for the pool?

 

And think about whether you need to help them find someplace quiet outside for a walk, if they need to retreat from the noisy dorms and classrooms, or an off-campus coffee shop if they are desperate to see other age groups and "normal" life.

 

We foudn we needed to be aware that immediately after move-in may be family time for the new students, or it may be getting to know each other and make friends time.  (This will depend on the school and on the students.)  If it is the latter, you probably need to give your student a hug and leave quickly.  You may be able to make plans to eat dinner together and say goodbye later, or you might not.  If you all talk about it beforehand and come up with a plan A and a plan B, you are less likely to have hurt feelings.

 

Also, don't forget that your child is running off the end of their known world.  They might be very stressed.  This might make them be less than polite, gracious, giving, and patient.  You, as the adult, no matter how heartbroken you are, have to be polite, gracious, giving, and patient enough for both of you.  SIgh.  This has been our experience, anyway.  They tried.  They really did.  They just were doing a really, really hard thing.  Hopefully it will be easier for you. : )

 

Lots of hugs for everyone.

Nan

[DebbS]

We helped haul all of the stuff to our son's dorm room early in the afternoon. After that we left him alone for several hours to unpack and mingle with the other people moving into the dorm. My husband, daughter and I took a walk around the campus during that time. Later we met up for supper and then left for home.

 

This worked out well for all concerned.

[mom31257]

Listening in! We move dd in at 9AM Friday morning. She has to go to get her schedule for orientation once she is there, but I've already seen that there is a cookout for families in the evening. Businesses and churches from the area have a fair in the campus park area that afternoon. We have family in the next county, so we can spend the night with them and stay all day. 

 

 

 

 

[mom31257]

double post

 

 

 

[profmom]

Ok, we did it!!  Thanks for all your advice!

 

We drove up the night before in two cars.  She wanted to drive the whole way to see what it was like (6 hours), so my husband and I each rode with her for 1/2 the time.  Move-in time began at 8:00 a.m., but we met her roommate's family for breakfast at 7:30.  (My daughter and her roommate have been friends for a couple of years, but we hadn't met her parents.)  Once we arrived at the college, we ended up spending the first hour getting student IDs, parking passes, etc.  Then, student volunteers were there to help carry things up to her dorm, so we were able to get everything in 2 trips!  I'm not sure why it took so long (I was expecting an hour or so after reading above), but we spent about 3 hours moving items in and setting up the room -- making the bed, putting clothes on hangers, filling drawers, setting up the printer, etc.  Most of us were working that whole time!  (Younger siblings took breaks to relax on the newly made bed.)  Her roommate's family worked for the same amount of time!  We all went to lunch around 1:00, then to a parent meeting from 2:00 - 2:30.   Dh and I stayed at the parent meeting a little longer talking to some parents we had met at College Weekend, but then joined everyone back at the dorm.  Her roommate's parents said goodbye, and we took dd to Target for a few more hangers, under bed storage baskets, etc.  We dropped those things off at her dorm and let her take a little rest while we showed our younger two around campus a bit.  We left campus at 5:30 to take dd and her roommate out to dinner and returned to attend the welcome chapel service from 7:00 to about 8:30 (worship and sermon by college president).  

 

After reading the responses above, we were thinking we'd leave in the afternoon, but I'm glad we decided to stay and attend this service.  The last thing on the day's schedule was "8:45 p.m.  New Student and Parent Farewell" with cookies and ice cream bars in the student center.  I was afraid I'd cry, but I didn't!  I think it was a combination of spending the whole day together, really loving the college where she's attending, feeling that she is ready, and preparing myself emotionally the best I could ahead of time.  I also wrote her a letter and handed it to her before we left.  I didn't want to feel pressured to cram everything I wanted to say into the last bit!  I had read that moving day would be hot, busy, and crowded, which aren't the best conditions for a heart-to-heart!  I'm glad we had the individual time in the car on the way up.  I had mentioned that I had cried a couple of times that morning at church -- I didn't want her to think I wasn't feeling anything.  At the end, It seemed like she didn't want me to cry, and she didn't want to cry herself -- neither of us did.  We each hugged her, then a group hug, then individual hugs again, then we said goodbye -- or "see you in October" (fall break)!

 

I hope it goes well for you guys too!

[mom31257]

I am concerned now that we won't be able to stay all day at dd's college. Dh's grandpa (who is 101) is in ICU with double pneumonia and fluid around his heart. He's not well at all and most likely won't survive this. I am afraid we are going to have to move her to TN and go right on to SC.

 

 

[momofkhm]

I am concerned now that we won't be able to stay all day at dd's college. Dh's grandpa (who is 101) is in ICU with double pneumonia and fluid around his heart. He's not well at all and most likely won't survive this. I am afraid we are going to have to move her to TN and go right on to SC.

 

 

I'm so sorry!  ((Hugs))

[angela in ohio]

We were there all day, first for breakfast with the roommate and her parents, then for student ID and all that, then back and forth to Target and such for last minute items. There was a parent program, so we did that, then took dd out to eat one last time, skipping the dinner on campus. The college "threw us out" at the designated time, and they started orientation immediately. It was pretty much all planned out by the college, and I trusted they had done this before and knew what worked best. :)