Warning: Joke: Mental Hospital Phone Menu

[Mom to Aly]

Please note: I have a brother who is mentally ill, so I am not mocking mentally ill people--just trying to add a little humor to our day :D. If this would insult you, please don't read.

 

 

Subject: FW: MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 

 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital ....

Please select from the following options menu:

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 

Ifyou are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 

This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.

 

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

[Remudamom]

I love this, who could be offended???? It's a JOKE, and I think I qualify for more than one.

[~Tara~]

oh YES!! I love this one hehehe I've been wanting to read it again. I only ever remember 'press one repeatedly' :snort:

[Mom to Aly]

I love this, who could be offended???? It's a JOKE, and I think I qualify for more than one.

 

Yes, I keep losing count of how many I qualify for--that short term memory loss thing ;).

[beansprouts]

What button do I press again?

[Parrothead]

Oh, it is 7 for the mohtership. No wonder I couldn't get through this morning.

[LaMere Academy]

:lol:

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!

[Alyce]

:lol: The only thing that confused me was the two options: 1 for manic-depression and 1 for bipolar. In the real world they are the same thing. Manic Depressive is what they used to call Bipolar before that name became the in thing.

[Sahamamama]

My husband found an audiofile link for this one with a crisp, British guy doing the voice -- hilarious. We rolled and rolled with laughter.

 

I used to be a social worker (in my BC life) and worked in a mental hospital. I loved my clients, truly, but this still is a great joke. Thanks!

[Twinmom]

I've got a mentally ill BIL and I'm a social worker specializing in mental illness...and I think this is hysterical! Sort of like gallows humor, which has a real place in society in terms of helping us laugh our way through difficult situations.

 

Too bad not everyone can see the joke. Sorry you took heat for it.

[Soph the vet]

Shouldn't the OCD option include "press one repeatedly but wash your hands between presses"?:lol:

[Twinmom]

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

You know, I resemble that remark! And I'm incredibly insulted that you pointed it out! I might just have to hang onto that gun...or cry...or both! ;)

 

You can send chocolate if you want to make up for it!

[elegantlion]

Okay I'm putting the gun down now, but everyone is still too busy to talk to me with my low self-esteem. What do I do now? Stay on hold forever? :D

[Jenn in Mo]

Love this! My husband has it as a ring tone on his cell phone, using the British accent file.

[momzilla333]

:rofl: Too funny!!!! I used to be a mental health tech. A sense of humor helps!

[~Tara~]

Love this! My husband has it as a ring tone on his cell phone, using the British accent file.

 

No way!!

Ha!

Now that is just too much! :lol:

[H.S. Burrow]

I think I qualify for several of these!!

 

I will have to search out the british guy as someone mentioned.

 

Thanks for the laugh!!:lol::lol: I needed it today!

[Chris in VA]

No offense taken here--ds qualifies in a few of the catagories as do I, and we cracked up pretty hard!

[Jennifer3141]

No offense here, it's funny!

 

Jen

[HSMom2One]

:glare:

I have a 30yo ds who suffers terribly from bipolar disorder, and I am troubled beyond words at our continual laughter over the helplessness and misery of people that suffer from mental illness. Why not try to erase stigmas instead of add fuel to the fire? I'm sorry, but I find no humor in jokes about the mentally ill. My family has suffered horribly for three generations because of these illnesses and I am grieved and offended by any jokes about it. Please don't tell me to lighten up, I've been through too many episodes and life or death situations to be told that.

 

We are educated people here. Compassion is far more important than relieving our stress by laughing at the expense of others.

 

Sincerely,

Lucinda

[mommaduck]

Lucinda, please note that several people here have stated they suffer from one or more of the disorders mentioned. They understand it. Humour sometimes gets them through it. It's a matter of being able to laugh at oneself, not others. Humour also gets those with relatives in such states through their circumstances, because the disorder affects more than just the person that has it, and it can be depressing dealing with it alongside those people. I have a friend that is scared stiff for her and her children everytime her MIL gets manic. It's scary. Sometimes friends to either hold you while you cry or, at other times, to make you laugh IS what pulls you through. Please read the replies instead of presuming the worse of people :)

[Mommy22alyns]

:glare:

I have a 30yo ds who suffers terribly from bipolar disorder, and I am troubled beyond words at our continual laughter over the helplessness and misery of people that suffer from mental illness. Why not try to erase stigmas instead of add fuel to the fire? I'm sorry, but I find no humor in jokes about the mentally ill. My family has suffered horribly for three generations because of these illnesses and I am grieved and offended by any jokes about it. Please don't tell me to lighten up, I've been through too many episodes and life or death situations to be told that.

 

We are educated people here. Compassion is far more important than relieving our stress by laughing at the expense of others.

 

Sincerely,

Lucinda

 

 

 

I deal with major depression on a daily basis and have for probably 15 years now. I don't even want to go into the number of medications I've tried or all my ups, downs, and suicide attempts. I found the joke absolutely hilarious. I'm sorry you didn't.

[chaik76]

Love this! Tried to rep you for it but I need to spread it around before I can.

[Jenn in Mo]

Lucinda,

 

Mom to Aly made it pretty clear what her post was about and out of concern, said "If this would insult you, please don't read." When you chose to read it, you also chose to take something that was clearly not intended to hurt, as an offense.

If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.

-Abraham Lincoln

[HSMom2One]

Dear, dear people,

If you only knew me you would realize that I am not a sour grapes person or even one that goes looking for trouble. I truly do understand the power of humor and the importance of finding ways of coping. Along with being married for a decade to a man who suffered from mental illness, I also have a son that has suffered for ten years, and I had a father that suffered from dementia for fourteen very long and hard years before he died. My life has been deeply scarred by the horror of these diseases and I have suffered more losses than I can possibly list in a forum thread. It hasn't been very long at all since my son's last psychotic break during which time he was shot at and nearly killed by police officers when he was acting out in his illness. Because of our messed up system the hospital failed to keep him long enough to stabilize, which is why he was out on the street. My son almost died less than six months ago during this incident, so please forgive me for being a bit upset and sensitive when people bring up jokes about mental illness.

 

I opened the thread because I was curious about the type of mental illness jokes that would be shared here. There is such a prevailing stigma in our culture and I am very discouraged to see that it carries over even on a wonderful forum like ours. Obviously you all disagree, but I still think that joking about diseases is in very bad taste. Where most of you are laughing, there are others that are crying and, unlike me, just aren't saying anything.

 

Sincerely,

Lucinda

[Mom to Aly]

Lucinda:

 

I did put the warning at the front so that anyone who would be offended would not read this. I wish you hadn't, if you would take it this way.

 

So you know, I have a twin brother who is severely mentally ill. He had his first psychotic breakdown 27 years ago, and has been chronically ill ever since. He is schizo-effective, has attempted suicide, serious attempts, more times than you can imagine, and has lived in agony most of his life. He has been in and out of hospitals all of his life. He was finally doing better over the last few years, until he decided to stop taking his meds in March, and he, unfortunately, has a dr. who doesn't like to say no to his patients. Since then he has had his 4th or 5th (there is debate amongst his doctors) psychotic breakdown, and he has just returned from his 5th hospitalization since March. When he went in this time, he was violent, hostile, commited against his will, by the state, because they feared he would do harm to himself or someone else. He took his meds for two days, and they released him. He is not taking his diabetes meds, feels he does not have diabetes, it is a conspiracy, even though he has had it for more than 15 years and his sugar when leaving the hosp was over 400 (they said he probably ate something sweet), and he was still somewhat incoherent, but they said he could have been like that before, even though we said he was not. They simply don't want to keep him there, and have released him as soon as possible, as they have done every. single. time. he has been hospitalized. So we are counting the days before he goes back, and praying he will stay alive until then.

 

I also have a sister who is bi-polar, and ex-husband who is bi-polar with ocd and narcissistic tendencies, and who was horrible emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my daughter, so much so, to her, that he is not even allowed to speak to her on the phone. My father was, at the least, severely bi-polar, probably much worse, but I will never know for sure as he refused to ever admit he had any problems, but he, too, was extremely emotionally and verbally, sometimes physically, abusive to my whole family, but especially to me (I was the "rebellious" one).

 

So, it is not my child, and I know that is a pain that is so much worse than any I have had to endure, but I do have some idea of where you are coming from.

 

Putting this joke up today was in no way an attempt to make fun of the mentally ill. I've written extensively about my brother here, and the sorrow his pain causes me. It is all I can bear, and sometimes I can't, to think of how difficult and painful his life must be. I was hoping to alleviate some of the hardship so many of us feel in dealing with this day to day, endlessly. I am terribly, terribly sorry if it hurt you; that was the opposite of what I intended.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Lucinda and Mom to Aly, hugs to both of you. I won't even get into all the issues I've dealt with throughout my life because of mental illness, including the illness of my mother, who essentially went to a point of no return (paranoid schizophrenia) right after I was born. It isn't fair for anyone to judge how either of you feel about this or how you deal with it. I've been in both places. At times I've been greatly offended over such jokes, and at other times I've had to joke about the issues myself to get through situations. Both of you, take care of yourselves. Also, if the loved ones in your lives who are mentally ill haven't already been checked for thyroid issues, please make sure that they are.

[Jill- OK]

It isn't fair for anyone to judge how either of you feel about this or how you deal with it. I've been in both places.

 

I think this hits it on the head.

 

One person who's suffered with mental illness has just as much right to joke about it as another does to be offended by it.

 

I have personal experience with the issue (self and family related), and I've been both places as well. Jokes about my particular challenges are usually funny to me...I'm more sensitive to misconceptions about it than I am good jokes.

 

I'd advocate for grace on *both* sides; for those that joke about it, and those that don't think it's funny.

[KidsHappen]

I do agree with the poster who mentioned that manic-depressive and bi-polar are the same thing and therefore that part was a little confusing to me but I see the humor just the same. My dd has the british guy saved on her phone and we listen to it whenever we want to lighten the mood. Sometime you either need to laugh or cry. I chose to laugh whenever I can and save the crying for when I can't laugh. :tongue_smilie:

[LauraGB]

Dh and I have dedicated the last 10 years of our lives working with the mentally ill. We have even brought several clients home to live w/us to care for them here. I can honestly say that without a sense of humor, we would be consumed by the trials and difficulties. 10 years ago, I would have laughed, but not as hard as I just did. :)

 

I think the funniest thing about this joke is that nearly every single person I know, whether "diagnosed" or not, can find something that they relate to in the list...and still heartily laugh. Thanks, Aly's mom, for a light hearted effort to provoke a serious belly laugh - dh will laugh, too, which is something that is very appreciated these days around here!

[tibbyl]

Dear, dear people,

If you only knew me you would realize that I am not a sour grapes person or even one that goes looking for trouble. I truly do understand the power of humor and the importance of finding ways of coping. Along with being married for a decade to a man who suffered from mental illness, I also have a son that has suffered for ten years, and I had a father that suffered from dementia for fourteen very long and hard years before he died. My life has been deeply scarred by the horror of these diseases and I have suffered more losses than I can possibly list in a forum thread. It hasn't been very long at all since my son's last psychotic break during which time he was shot at and nearly killed by police officers when he was acting out in his illness. Because of our messed up system the hospital failed to keep him long enough to stabilize, which is why he was out on the street. My son almost died less than six months ago during this incident, so please forgive me for being a bit upset and sensitive when people bring up jokes about mental illness.

 

I opened the thread because I was curious about the type of mental illness jokes that would be shared here. There is such a prevailing stigma in our culture and I am very discouraged to see that it carries over even on a wonderful forum like ours. Obviously you all disagree, but I still think that joking about diseases is in very bad taste. Where most of you are laughing, there are others that are crying and, unlike me, just aren't saying anything.

 

Sincerely,

Lucinda

 

Are all diseases off limits for joke material in your opinion or only mental diseases?

[Chris in VA]

I'm sorry LRB, that I've offended you.

[Parabola]

Not laughing at even the most terrible things, somehow makes it more terrible. I'm also bipolar, possibly a couple co-morbids thrown in there too. I thought it was a hilarious. When you can laugh at something like this, it shows it hasn't beaten you.

[Kris]

I can honestly say that without a sense of humor, we would be consumed by the trials and difficulties.

 

This is exactly what my Sweetie and I were talking about tonight after I told him about this post. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember all of it! But I got enough of it in, he got the idea, and we both shared a hearty chuckle. It's too personal to go into details, but what I will tell you is that he and I agree -- if the time every comes that we're crying more than we're laughing, we'll be in big trouble. :)

 

Everyone has challenges and everyone deals with them in different ways. Personally, it makes me uncomfortable when people get too serious, even though I know they are only trying to help. It's just easier for me if they help me make fun of myself. They aren't laughing *at* me -- they are laughing *with* me.