Hogwarts and other boarding schools :-)

[Ellie]

So, if anyone is familiar with boarding schools *and* has read Harry Potter (only watching the movies doesn't count) (sorry), is life at Hogwarts the way it is at real boarding schools? Hogwarts students have no one parenting them, and those first, second and third year students are so young.

 

I was just wondering about that. :-)

[jenn-]

I can only speak to the way my sister and DH talk about their experiences from boarding schools.  Yes.  Other then the whole magic stuff, boarding school was pretty much a free for all after school hours were up.  They did have to stay on campus most of the time unless they were headed to church or something else similar.  When my DH was older they had permission to walk to the small town down the road for dinner.  When he was in military school, his freedom after hours was determined by grades and behavior.  They could watch tv, play sports, ping pong in the rec center, etc as long as their grades stayed up.  If grades were not up to par, study hall filled up those free hours.  Sure there were dorm monitors, but they were definitely not actively parenting. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Our dorms had dorm "parents" in them but we spent our time avoiding them at all costs.  They really did not fulfill the role of parents and instead fulfilled the role of wardens - that is, until the very last year when they got their act together a bit more.  We had study hours but also a lot of free time.  You could do pretty much what you wanted during free time as long as you signed out.  You didn't really have to do what you said you were going to do when you signed out. ;)   I went to boarding school when I was 11.  My siblings went when they were 7.  My sibs thought I was terribly spoiled.  

[Mom in High Heels]

We had floor "mothers" who made sure the girls weren't doing things they shouldn't.  They were good about supervising, and were more aunt than warden.  It's not at all like depicted in Hogwarts!  Those kids had an awful lot of latitude.  At my school, you were where you were supposed to be, when you were supposed to be, or there was big trouble.  If your grades slipped, you lost privileges, like lounge time, or leaving the grounds.  Girls 16 and older could leave the grounds for a few hours, as long as they let the dorm mother know where they were going to be, and called to check in once an hour.  I can't say that everyone was actually where they said they would be, but, well, what are you going to do?

[Laura in CA]

If you read the autobiographies of C. S. Lewis, Roald Dahl, George Orwell, Robert Graves, etc. -- yes, they went at age 7 typically. Not easy reading ...

 

 

ETA: I thought I'd add the titles, in case anyone is interested. Fascinating and perhaps essential reading, for people who are (like me) Anglophiles, or simply love British literature, for understanding the British pre-war system, and these men in particular. Even though my mother's side of the family is from England, and I have many relatives in England, this (boarding school) way of life is very different from my family's -- my mother was an orphan, raised by her very English granny, who left school (the local village grammar school) after grade 2 or 3 to go into service. Yes, at age 8 or 9 she (my mother's grandmother) was already working full-time at a Downton-Abbey-like place. As she put it, she could "read, write, and do sums"-- all the education she said she needed. ... ETAA: When she started in service, Queen Victoria was monarch; she lived to age 101.

 

Anyway, what is heartbreaking about these men's stories -- and yes, they are all sensitive writer-types, so not the kind of boy who would thrive in such a system -- is how vivid and painful their boarding-school memories were, even at a remove of decades.

 

C. S. Lewis - Surprised by Joy

Roald Dahl -  More about Boy

George Orwell - Such, Such Were the Joys ...  (essay)

Robert Graves - Goodbye to All That

Cyril Connolly -  Enemies of Promise

Stephen Fry - Moab Is My Washpot (more modern)

 

[Laura Corin]

My mother went to boarding school; I went to a boarding school as a day pupil; my boys go to a boarding school as day pupils.

 

My mother went to boarding school at age 7, in 1933.  It was horrific.  She still, aged 90, talks about it (but not in detail).  She was miserable for her whole school career.  She was adamant that I and my brothers would never go to boarding school.

 

At my boarding school, boarders came at 11 and were looked after by a matron.  Some loved it, some hated it.

 

At the boys' school, most boarders come at 14, 15 or 16 and are looked after by a house master/mistress in a boarding house.  Boredom is the biggest problem: there are activities planned for each weekend, but bad behaviour sometimes happens to fill the hours too.  Most of the boarders come from overseas and are looking for an English-speaking IB education; most are from Germany and Asia.

 

L

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, I agree with the negative effects of boredom.  

[saw]

DS has been boarding since he was 9. Because part of the uniform was (on occasion) long black cloaks, the boys would get a lot of "Oh look Harry Potter Ha ha" comments from tourists and strangers. His junior school was quite scheduled and regimented, with a member of staff watching the boys at all times -- if they were playing outside, there was always someone there watching them, always a member of staff keeping them in their line of sight. There was very little free time.

 

He's now 13 and at senior school. His school is very very traditional. The school has its own vocabulary and its own form of a football game that I'll probably never understand. He has a tege, an older boy to look after him, and he doesn't study in the evening, he has toytime. All sorts of things like that.

 

He called me on his first night there (he's in a dorm with 12 boys) and when I asked about the noise in the background, told me that some of the boys had hoisted a mattress onto the rafters! Every time he calls there is LOTS of noise in the background, but good noise, laughing and talking. This particular school is very good about keeping the boys very very busy, and, as it's full boarding, you don't have the problem with lots of local boys going home at the weekend leaving a handful of boys with nothing to do at school. We looked at one school that empties out at the weekend (near to London) and I could just imagine the kind of trouble those boys could get into. DS's school has high standards and boys do get expelled for drugs and underage drinking, but it doesn't happen often. Academic standards are exceedingly high, too, so the boys have to devote time to study or they'll have to leave. DS is loving it so far, it's perfect for him -- great academics, very intellectual atmosphere, loads of sport (required to do some sport), heavy music commitment. It has a lovely feel to it, all very old and comfortable with some beautiful buildings.

 

DD just started boarding in 6th form this year at a less academic school and I've noticed that she does appear to have quite a bit of free time and is maybe less supervised. I'm not too thrilled about that, although she's a really reliable kid, as I don't see why I'm sending her there to be bored. It's not nearly as traditional a school as DS's (which seems to be unaware that it is 2014). Early days though so we'll see.

 

[saw]

 

Most of the boarders come from overseas and are looking for an English-speaking IB education; most are from Germany and Asia.

 

L

At DD's school, all of the kids in the Year 13 Further Maths class are either Asian or Russian. When she joined the year, one of them asked her, "What are you doing here? You're not Asian and you're not Russian!"

[Laura Corin]

 

Most of the boarders come from overseas and are looking for an English-speaking IB education; most are from Germany and Asia.

 

L

At DD's school, all of the kids in the Year 13 Further Maths class are either Asian or Russian. When she joined the year, one of them asked her, "What are you doing here? You're not Asian and you're not Russian!"

 

 

The boys' school wants to remain very much an English-speaking school, so they limit the number of boarders from any one place.

 

L

[Chris in VA]

Saw, this is a very personal question, so pls disregard if too intrusive.

Can you explain your reasons for sending your kids to boarding school?

PM if you want. Or not. But I'm curious. :laugh:

[saw]

Saw, this is a very personal question, so pls disregard if too intrusive.

Can you explain your reasons for sending your kids to boarding school?

PM if you want. Or not. But I'm curious. :laugh:

 

Happy to answer because there are days when I ask myself the same question! It started with ds, who never fit in in school very well and whom we could not legally homeschool given where we were living. We then moved countries and, for a variety of reasons that had to do with finding him a suitable education (whether homeschooling or regular school) and a place for his music, ended up sending him to a specialist music school in the UK. Would not have done it if it had not been a specialist music school and if he had not had the talent he does. Looking back, though, I see that boarding school was without a doubt the best option for him. He went from having at best a so-so school experience to having a good experience. He needs way more structure than a regular school can provide (he loves schedules), needs very small classes, likes uniforms and rules and loves being kept busy. He's happy in this environment. Because it worked so well, he insisted on staying in boarding school for senior school, and we've chosen a smaller all-boys full boarding school. It was certainly not something I would have wanted necessarily, and I miss him terribly, but when I see how happy he is and how well he does, that's enough for me. Oddly enough, of my four children, he is the one to whom I am closest. We have a very strong relationship I think. I have to say though I remember the day I dropped him off, walking away from the school, feeling absolutely gutted and thinking, oh no what on earth have I just done?

 

As for DD, she was skipped two years in school, then we homeschooled, then she got her secondary school diploma two years early, and then I was sitting there with a just-turned 16 yo with a high school diploma and thinking, no way can I send her to college! So when we were looking for productive ways to bridge a year or two, we found that there is a boarding school in the UK with a girls' cathedral choir for girls 13 to 18. Most boarding girls cathedral choir schools focus on the 8 to 13 year old group. Because DD is very very into choir (has been singing for years, and was in the local cathedral choir for the last few years), this was a good option. She was given a choral scholarship of 50 per cent of fees, which was nice. She really really wanted to do this. The school itself is not super academic, but dd is a self-starter and has already decided that she's putting on a Greek play in Greek, and is busy recruiting students to participate. She's signed up for rowing (she's dyspraxic but has rowing experiene) and is doing two instruments alongside the music. She lives in a boarding house with other choristers, one of whom we knew already as she is the sister of a classmate of ds's. She can come home on the weekends and I can come to services to hear her sing on most weekends. It's a good solution to the gap year problem, and preferable to having her go to university early. Either way it would have been very difficult to have her stay home this year (v difficult here to do college classes early) and she would likely have gone "away" somewhere anyway.

 

So in both cases it was music driving the decision, and it helped that both schools offered an environment suited to the child in question. I would prefer them all to be home and to have a "normal" life but they're not standard children and it's always been difficult finding environments in which they can thrive. It is not what I want but it is what works for them, and I have to keep reminding myself that this is what matters right now, especially for ds.

 

I do see them quite a lot, dd almost every weekend, and DS is home every third week, either for the weekend, half-term or a proper holiday. I will visit him at least once in the three weeks he is not home to take him out for lunch/dinner on a Sunday.

[Chris in VA]

^^That sounds like a "best possible" situation for your family. :001_smile: Not that you need anyone's approval.

I am sensitive to the whole boarding school thing, because I had to do residential treatment for my teen--4 settings before he turned 18. It was extremely hard on our family, on me, on my other kids, and on him. TOTALLY different thing than you are doing for your children. I have to be careful because it's a wound on my heart that makes me somewhat judgemental against boarding school. Thank you so much for answering.

[DawnM]

My boarding school had adults living at the end of the hall and we had activities that were supervised more than Hogwarts, but we also had a lot of freedom.    I am amazed we all made it out alive sometimes!   We roamed the woods, climbed very tall trees, saw snakes, climbed the side of the falls (rock climbing), went in water that were probably not safe, and encountered animals that were dangerous.

 

I went for the first time at age 8.

 

But my best friends in the world are from my boarding school and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything.

[lmrich]

Have you read Finding Alaska? Way different from Hogwarts...not a pretty picture.

[Butter]

^Looking for Alaska.  John Green actually partially based it on his own experiences at boarding school, including what happened to Alaska.  For some kids, lack of supervision and getting into lots of trouble is definitely their boarding school experience.

[kiana]

My mother went to boarding school at age 7, in 1933.  It was horrific.  She still, aged 90, talks about it (but not in detail).  She was miserable for her whole school career.  She was adamant that I and my brothers would never go to boarding school.

 

My ex had gone to a British boarding school and that's about what he felt about it. He read Harry Potter and said "HAHAHA ... no"

[FriedClams]

I went to boarding school for all of high school. I cannot imagine anyone younger going. For me it was a wonderful experience.

 

At my school we were mostly on our own. Meals were scheduled, and you were responsible for getting there yourself. Same with classes, sports, etc. At 7:15 we had room check. I think it was called "inspection" but it meant "straighten your bed and get your junk off the floor". It wasn't a military inspection - just making sure fire code was safe and food wasn't rotting in your room.

 

From 7:30 to 9:45 pm was study hall. You had to be in your room or signed out to the library. If you were on honor roll you didn't have to stay in your room, so I'd roam around campus with friends, play frisbee, babysit, etc. My first semester was the only one I had to attend study hall, so I never really had to deal with it. If I remember correctly, there were only a couple of people in my dorm on honor roll, so I didn't have a ton of friends to goof off with.

 

We had dorm parents, but I don't remember interacting a lot with them. I know they had their favorites, but I didn't make the cut. We had one bossy lady, but mostly they lefft us alone. I'm sure they had kids they needed to deal with and a bit of "smoking patrol". I was a student-athlete so I was pretty focused and stayed out of trouble so we didn't interact much. My senior dorm was a house, and there were about 6 of us there, so it was pretty mellow. We had prefects in the bigger dorm, but they were my friends since they didn't have study hall on nights they were "off". We'd make store runs and hang out together.

 

We had to manage our own laundry, etc. I'd save up as much as I could and take it home, but I didn't go home often enough for it to be worth it. I learned quickly that liquid detergent is the way to go so you don't get soap clumps when you overload the machine. LOL!!

 

While I had a great expereience, I would not want my kids to attend. My school was super diverse and very international, so I think that's a huge plus. I was, and remain, mostly shocked at bigorty and racism - regardless of who is instigating it. I really appreciate that about my school. In hindsight I am sure there were a lot of drugs and drinking. I was oblivious at the time (sports ruled my life then) but I wouldn't want my kids near it. There was also no faith element at all, and that's a huge no for me. I don't remember there every being a FCA group or rides to church for boarding students, ever. While the time did help me to better relate with my difficult mom, it's obviously not a great way to bond with your teenager and not what I want with my relationships with my kids.

 

Anyway - hope that helps!! Please feel free to ask any questions and I'm happy to share about my expereince.

[umsami]

Not sure if anybody mentioned it, but the reason kids often start at 11 in the UK is because of the 11+ exam, or at least that's my understanding.

 

My school in the US had some boarders, but they were put in a sort of home environment.  There were house parents (a married pair of teachers) who lived with them and watched over for them.  I felt bad as they were truly prisoner unless they were old enough to drive.  There was nowhere one could walk, and no good public transportation. 

 

I begged to board at a different local school because my parent's focus was completely on my brother…and he was physically very abusive to all of us.  Unfortunately it never happened, even though it was actually cheaper.  I was never so happy as to go away to college.  Didn't look back, didn't cry.  Thrilled to be away from the toxic environment.

[saw]

Not sure if anybody mentioned it, but the reason kids often start at 11 in the UK is because of the 11+ exam, or at least that's my understanding.

 

 

It depends a bit on whether you're a girl or boy and whether you're coming from the state or independent sector. For boys coming from the independent sector, it would be usual to attend a prep school from 2d or 3d grade through 7th grade, then take the Common Entrance exam and start senior school at 13 yo and 8th grade. For girls, most independent schools will start at 11. If you're in the state system and you're a boy, it can be tricky, as primary schools finish after 5th grade and secondary starts in 6th. If you're going private for secondary, you then have two years of a gap and will either need to go to a prep or figure out how to sit Common Entrance from a state school. It doesn't help that Common Entrance is geared toward boys coming from prep schools, and part of the exam is Latin/French. Senior schools do accommodate but I'm not sure how much they accommodate.

[bettyandbob]

My neighbor went to boarding school for high school in the US. He swears it was like Hogwarts, minus magic. He has fond memories of his boarding experience.

[Erin]

My husband went to boarding school for high school.  It most assuredly was NOT a free-for-all.  lol

 

They had dorm parents as well as floor supervisors.  They had JOBS, which were staffed by church members and school graduates.  And they were 7 miles from a town of 400.  They had far less unsupervised time than I did with a more typical high school life.

 

Most graduates I've known over the years (and I've known quite a few, given the fact that it was quite small and fostered a kind of family-connection that former students still maintain) look back on their boarding school years with great fondness...

[Liz CA]

Interesting thread. The only "experience" I have with boarding school is through the books of Enid Blyton. :)

[DawnM]

My very favorite children's author.  I grew up reading her books and have read most of them.  I started with all the Noddy books, back when they were still racist.......then moved on to Secret Seven and Famous Five.

 

So many memories.

 

 

Interesting thread. The only "experience" I have with boarding school is through the books of Enid Blyton. :)

 

[J-rap]

I find this thread interesting too.  My girls always dreamed of going to boarding school (due to romanticized books they read -- like Harry Potter :)) and often played "orphan."  :)   Two of my girls actually went to a boarding school for one year;  however, only half of the class lived there and the other half (including my girls) went home at night.  This was when we were testing out a new area to live and the school had an emphasis we were interested in.  My girls often hung out with the boarders, and though I was impressed with the supervision, the kids were really on their own to find things to do.

[saw]

Interesting thread. The only "experience" I have with boarding school is through the books of Enid Blyton. :)

 

That way my initial "experience" as well -- and I can tell you, when ds told me he needed to have his very own tuck box, I was thrilled!

[gingersmom]

My daughter goes to boarding school in the US. It's nothing like Hogwarts and it seems like no one else's experience.

 

She adores her dorm parents and is very close with them and their children.

 

Kids are supervised, their is mandatory check in times on weekend (or they go looking for you), lots of stuff to do on weekends (she wishes at times for more downtime).

 

She is having the most amazing high school experience.

[Cinder]

I was a day student at a unique private school that also had boarders. In order to board you had to have a local (on island) sponsor, usually a relative.

 

Boarders tended to socialize with other boarders; same with day students. I know they had floor supervisors as well as dorm parents. In order to go off campus they had to be signed out by their sponsor.

 

They had some special boarder-only activities on weekends. There was also a dorm council that was like student council just for boarders; it focused on boarder life. Not like Hogwarts really.

[justasque]

Interesting thread. The only "experience" I have with boarding school is through the books of Enid Blyton. :)

 

Those who enjoy boarding school stories might also like the Chalet School series, about a girls' school in the Alps (the series goes on for several generations of students, and it's a bit of an acquired taste), and the Jennings series which is absolutely hilarious.

[stripe]

I think in the US we tend to think of boarding schools as being for the elite, but there are advantages to kids from lower income levels and less educated families as well. One advantage may be that there is a more studious atmosphere that is lacking in many homes, there isn't really an atmosphere or place for studying, kids don't have their own rooms, much less a desk, and they are in a living room with the TV on and so on.

 

The only equivalent I can see in the US is the debate over libraries as study areas versus community centers. Students who need a quiet place to study can't get that at many libraries, so this can be a conflict based on what homelife is like. For kids with a nice desk area and home with lots of books, the more lively library is great.

[Erin]

 

 

My husband, who attended boarding school in HS due to lack of nearby high school,

How funny.

This is the exact, same reason my husband went to high school.  Before our state opened the school districts, he would have had to drive 50 miles, one way, to the only high school in the district.  Or, he could have paid out of district tuition to one that was only 30 miles away, but tuition was HIGHER than it was at boarding school.  

 

His dad was a cowhand and his mom a SAHM; definitely not an "elite" image of boarding school...