Allowing Children Input into Curriculum Choices...

[kajm]

In short, is this a good idea and what are the implications of such?

 

I have very much taken into consideration my children's learning styles, likes and dislikes, etc. when I have chosen our curriculum (which resulted in completely changing our approach), but I have never asked them point blank "Would you like to do X program or Y program?" or "Do you want to do this book or that book?"  Now, granted, my kids just finished 3rd and 4th grade, so I'm sure the older they get and I have confidence in their choices, things will change.  But right now, if left up to them, we would have no English or Spelling at all! 

 

How much input do you allow and at what age?  If you have allowed them input, how does it affect their attitudes?  While I'm sure they like having their own choice, have you found it to later give them (for lack of a better word) an entitlement attitude?  In other words, do they now think they should be able to make decisions on curriculum at their will?  What if they picked something and then, after getting into it, decided they didn't like it after all?  Or was their attitude and output so much improved that you wouldn't even think of not letting them pick anymore?

 

Of course, most kids in PS have no input whatsoever and I think this can lead to a disheartened student.  Other children have all the say in their education, but I'm not comfortable with that either.  But I'm wondering where the perfect balance point is.

[In2why]

We take classes at a weekly Co-op and I allow my son to choose his classes.  He also gets to choose his independent readers, but I give him a large list and he can decide from those choice.  Last year he decided he wanted to learn US History instead of Modern History so that choice changed a lot of our curricula.  As he gets older I want him to take a more independent role in what he chooses to learn.  I make our Math and Language Arts choices based on where he is and how he learns.  But if he preferred something else I would certainly listen. 

[IsabelC]

Of course it really depends hugely on the kid. While it can certainly be disheartening to a child if her preferences are completely ignored, it can also be overwhelming to a child when the parents thrust too much responsibility on her.

 

Right now (my kids are just turned 11, just turned 9, and 5) I would no more get them to choose their whole curriculum than expect them to manage the entire family budget. Their choices are limited to questions like "You have to do a sport - do you prefer swimming or football for this term?".  I really hope that by high school age I will be able to give them much more responsibility. Certainly my 9yo will be able to make a lot of her own choices in the coming years, but the 11yo (who is also the most special needs of the three) is the proverbial "couldn't organize a beer in a pub" type person, so right now we are still working on getting him to make appropriate decisions about basic things like personal hygiene and what to wear.

 

In our school system, children are beginning to choose electives in grade 8 (so age 13), although as you said they would still get no choice as to curriculum resources.

[AimeeM]

Curriculum, not so much (only because I have specific requirements for some subjects). Because I know that I wouldn't allow certain curriculum, which are often dominant in homeschool circles, but that may look nice to her, it's easier to just give her choices between two or three options, OR to ask her if, say, she wants to do another round of history, or take a year for geography, etc.

Before I ask ANYTHING, though, I try to make sure I can be happy with whatever she chooses (i.e. the reason I only give her the choice between two or three). Teaching to her preferences and learning style is great and all... but nothing will be accomplished if I'm not comfortable teaching it.

[maize]

Starting around age nine I will offer them choices to pick from, i.e. Math A or Math B, Science A or Science B, etc. I've already narrowed down the choices before involving the child.

[texasmama]

As my kids get older, I am gradually involving them more and more in decisions in general which affect their lives, including curriculum choices and how we conduct their schooling.  This is happening pretty organically right along with other decisions in their lives as they get older.  Since the end goal is young adults who can reason through decisions independently, input into schooling choices happens as part of the overall plan.   Even when they do not have a choice about schooling matters, I usually explain why I have made the choice I have, the pros and cons and what I hope will be the positive result of it.  They need to understand this to be invested, and they need to be invested to be successful.

[jar7709]

I do let my 9yo DS have some say in what he uses. It isn't like he's doing all the curriculum research or anything, but I like to form a "short list" of two or three acceptable options, and then ask him for his feedback. He knows I have veto power, but he is very independent, precocious, and likes to see what the plan is ahead of time, so our life goes more smoothly if he feels like he's been heard and that his opinion is valued. I plan on letting him have more and more say as he ages.

[Courtney_Ostaff]

Right now, I pick the "spines." Example: ES Biology. I provide multiple options for supplements: would you like to read this book or that book from the library? Later, I will encourage her to seek out the supplements herself. By the time she's in high school, I will expect her to do research on the spines and I will exercise veto power.

[Arcadia]

I let my kids pick their curriculum since pre-school out of my short list. So if I am not interested in using any particular curriculum then I don't offer it as a choice. My 4th grader has always had a strong opinion though and picked AoPS geometry over Jacobs, Holt science over CPO science, and the Miller Levine Biology iBook version (not the actual textbook) and does not like the Hewitt books. When I asked him what vocabulary he wanted for 5th grade he picked CE1 color version. So apparently he wants color for things other than math.

My 2nd grader last year said he wanted to skip SM 6A/6B and I let him. He was a lot happier starting the AoPS pre-algebra book

So far I have not had any problems with their picks and my hubby has always been onboard with letting them pick. They pick their musical instruments and art classes as well.

[Chrysalis Academy]

As my kids get older, I am gradually involving them more and more in decisions in general which affect their lives, including curriculum choices and how we conduct their schooling.  This is happening pretty organically right along with other decisions in their lives as they get older.  Since the end goal is young adults who can reason through decisions independently, input into schooling choices happens as part of the overall plan.   Even when they do not have a choice about schooling matters, I usually explain why I have made the choice I have, the pros and cons and what I hope will be the positive result of it.  They need to understand this to be invested, and they need to be invested to be successful.

 

This is my philosophy as well.  As such my rising 7th grader has a lot of input into what she studies, and with what.  We make changes on the fly all the time - adding things in, dropping things.  Overall, she trusts me to make sure she's on the right track and to research appropriate choices, and I trust her to tell me what's working and what isn't - honestly not working, not just too hard or she doesn't feel like doing it.  This can be choice in small things - which of several fiction books to read for a particular topic/unit - and choice in bigger things, like what topics in science or history we will study next year.

 

My rising 3rd grader is both more opinionated and less . . . trusting?  Compliant, at least.  So it's even more important that she have choices . . . but the parameters are more constrained for sure.  So, she doesn't get to decide that she doesn't want to do math or spelling or writing - but she gets to decide which of several resources she feels like using in any given day.  I've chosen several things in each area that are all excellent resources that will move her towards my goals for her, and so I truly don't mind which she picks.  So Monday might be MM plus CAP W&R plus spelling dictation sentences, and Tuesday might be BA plus LOE plus copywork.  And it's fine.  She doesn't get to choose whether, but she does get to choose what.  That works well for her at this point.  As she gets older she'll have more input into content subjects, and I expect that her education will look different from her sister's.

[Mandy in TN]

I agree with texasmomma and would add that when my big boys hit high school they had to continue with LA and math of course, but I pretty much let them decide things. As long as they were meeting high school graduation requirements and keeping the door to college open, I left it to them. Mostly they did what I expected, but there were some odd choices. My second son took two semesters of humanities through dual enrollment. I didn't see that one coming. :)

HTH-

Mandy

[FO4UR]

I give choices.  It's an important part of the process, imho.  There are times when I simply state that we will be doing something, but I seriously reflect upon my reasoning before making decisions. 

 

 

I don't give the option of not doing a core subject.  That would be counter-productive.  I also don't just ask the kids to look for a math book.  I research the options and bring 2-3 choices to the table.  I give perimeters. We talk about the pros-cons, and I let them think about it. 

 

 

[Coco_Clark]

I discuss what I am thinking about doing next year with my (very young) kids when in the Springtime planning stage and again we have a discussion in late Fall about how things are going and how they could improve.  They express opinions on curricula or on scheduling or on implementation.  I may ask when undecided between two books, "Would you rather read Stuart Little next or Trumpet of the Swan?".  I even ask, "Do you want to do Miquon over the summer or keep going with Singapore?"  Or, "Do you like doing our read aloud in the morning or do you think we should do it over naptime with the baby is asleep?"  

 

It is very clear to all of us that they are being welcomed to express opinions and not to make decisions, though.  For example, one of my kids really struggles with writing and told me during our Fall "how are things going" talk that he thought he would enjoy Math more if I wrote the answers for him.  We agreed to take turns.  He also told me he didn't want to do copywork anymore.  I told him that I understood why he didn't like it but copywork was important to me and we would continue it.  

 

I think there are a lot of benefits to children being included in the decision making process.  It shows them that these are things I think about, and decide on, with reason and purpose.  These are not things I throw at them, willy nilly.  It shows them that their opinions are being taken into consideration, even if they are not always heeded.  It gives them ownership over their education.  It gives me a chance to say, "Hey, this subject isn't working for us right now and I don't know how to fix it.  Do you have any ideas?"  Heck, sometimes they have a really great idea.  Even when they don't they can see that I care, that I'm trying, and that it is partly their responsibility to make this whole show work.               

[SilverMoon]

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Edited May 23, 2023 by SilverMoon

[lotsofpumpkins]

When I am having trouble deciding, I will ask for input from my dc. I tell them that I'm not necessarily going to go with their choice, but I do want to hear what they think. I discussed grammar programs with my oldest 3 quite a bit a few weeks ago. We thought we had settled on something different, but when I told them I just didn't have a peace about going that route, they were fine with us sticking with CLE for LA. My oldest actually preferred that.

 

I asked for input on history. They all wanted to study middle ages, so we are going to use MOH2 as a family.

 

I also asked for input on science. The oldest already knew I expected her to use Apologia General next year. I let the others pick their science (from our collection of Apologia elementary books). It worked out that 2 of them want Chem/Physics and 2 of them want Zoology 3. I wouldn't have done 4 different books.

 

My dc generally don't complain about the books we choose, and I think they like looking at samples and helping in the decision process. But they realize that the final decision is mine.

[Heathermomster]

My rising 1st grader has no input.  My rising 9th grader selected one elective and his world geography curriculum.  He will likely have a say with some, but not all, literature selections.

[Kathryn]

I give choices between curriculum that I'd be equally okay with. The only subject choice I've given was Greek or Latin.

[Ewe Mama]

I am a curriculum junkie and, at any given time, I have multiple options for each subject. I narrow down the two choices I believe are best for whatever subject and present them to the child. I list the pros and cons (as I see them) and ask child to look through it and make a choice. If child is very young, I just ask which one he/she likes the looks of. Fonts, page clutter, white space, affect how they view their books, so it's respectful to ask them how the book "feels" to them.

 

I own all of MM and have tried to use it at one time or another with each of my children. When presented with the option of using MM or another program, they have always chosen to go with the other program over MM because they feel overwhelmed by the cluttered pages in MM. I have tried showing them that we can cover up portions of the page so they aren't seeing too much at one time, but they still want a cleaner look. I listen to those desires, when possible, because I have observed them making more effort with their work when they do the choosing.

[FO4UR]

I own all of MM and have tried to use it at one time or another with each of my children. When presented with the option of using MM or another program, they have always chosen to go with the other program over MM because they feel overwhelmed by the cluttered pages in MM.

 

Same here!  

 

 

Everything looks better next to MM.  LOL

[MerryAtHope]

The first time I gave my son input, he was 7. Math had not gone well that year (mismatch with his learning style), so near the end of that year, I showed him another book. He looked it over, then went to get the book he'd been using and said, "The writers' of this book don't want kids to understand math!" 

 

I still LOL about that! (Obviously they do want kids to understand, I just had the wrong program for my son!). We tried the other one I had and it was okay, but not great. So the next year, I sat down with my then 8 year old and asked his likes and dislikes. I said, "Skipping math isn't an option, but what we use for math is." I took his list, combed the internet and all the samples I could find, talked to friends etc... and narrowed down to two. I showed them to my son saying, "whichever one we choose, we'll need to use all year," and he chose the one he liked best. We ended up using it for the next 5 years, and it worked out well. 

 

There was no entitlement attitude because I set him up with reasonable expectations and boundaries, but showed him respect as a student--he's the one that has to learn. We have always done talks at least yearly where I have them evaluate school, say what has gone well and what would they change if they could. If they gave a cop-out kind of answer, I made sure to ask in different ways (and sometimes conversations like this have to happen in bits, over days or weeks or months). I always told my kids, "this is your education. We aren't doing this for me, though I love the time spent with you--this is for your benefit." I encouraged them to learn how they learn (meta-cognition), to know what helps them and what distracts them, and to strive and grow. When something didn't work, we worked together to try to solve the issue. 

 

My daughter pretty much did whatever my son had done until 5th grade, because everything worked fine for her, with minor tweaks here and there. In 5th grade, I let her unschool science. I needed to focus on some other areas with both of them, and decided the world wouldn't end if I didn't do much with science that year. So I told her she was to work on science for 30 minutes per day. She could read, draw in her science notebook, do an experiment, go outside with her nature journal, write down something interesting she read--whatever. I required her to journal at least once a week, and to give me weekly updates on what she learned. If she needed science experiment materials, she was to gather them on her own and if we didn't have something, she was to put it on the shopping list & wait to do that experiment until we had it (no saying "I need xyz today!" type of stuff). I showed her book options I was comfortable with, and let her pick what to do. She was stoked--and she took off with science. She got way more done than when I was trying to teach it, and really thrived with the freedom. So...I kept letting her choose through 8th grade. As she approached high school, I told her that we had some flexibility, but that if she thinks she might like to go on in science, having at least 3 lab sciences like biology, chemistry, and physics would be good. I thought the transition to a year-long text book would be rough--but again she thrived. 

 

Anyway...yes, I've given my kids more input and decisions as they've gotten older (my son did robotics for a year of science, has chosen to study Japanese for foreign language, has chosen what to do for history etc...). When I feel confident in a choice, I just go with it, but when I see struggle, mismatch, or have a choice between a few ideas, I always discuss with them. It's just been a part of growing up. 

 

So, make boundaries you are comfortable with, and give choices when you think it will be beneficial. You can always make it clear, as I did at times, "I'm not promising to do what you say, but I want to take it into consideration, and we'll do it if we can." And then listen. I find that most of the time, if I'm reasonable and treat my kids with respect as persons while maintaining the authority of the final say, that they also are reasonable, respond respectfully, and have valuable insights to contribute. Sometimes they really didn't care or have much to say, and that's okay too. 

[....]

How much input do you allow and at what age?  If you have allowed them input, how does it affect their attitudes?  While I'm sure they like having their own choice, have you found it to later give them (for lack of a better word) an entitlement attitude?  

 

After about 3rd grade, my kids usually have a ton of input about their curriculum.  Some years I've asked them, "What exactly do you want to study?" and we would design an entire year based off that.  Some things are non-negotiable - like math, writing and grammar this year for my oldest.  But, if they are really disliking a math curriculum, I try to find something better.  All four of them are really happy with their math choices right now, so we haven't done any math curriculum hopping in a long time.  With books...if they really can't stand a read-aloud or something they're reading on their own, we will take a vote and consider switching to another book.  In six years I think this might have happened twice.  There was just a read-aloud that everybody hated and we just stopped with it.  There's too many books out there to waste time with something no one likes.

 

For high school, I want them to tell me exactly how they plan to spend their high school years.  Do they want to use some kind of distance program?  Or do they want ME to put something together?  Do they want a boxed curriculum that they can do themselves and just check things off?  I really do want to know what they want and what their plans are.

 

As far as entitlement attitude - no, we haven't had a problem with that.  My kids are weird, though.  They usually won't tell me when they are unhappy/uncomfortable/sick, etc.  I gave my son a math worksheet one time and came in to check on him and he was crying (trying to do the problems).  Dude!  Why didn't you call me?  I would've helped you!!   :ohmy:

[Tess in the Burbs]

My son wants control over his life, so letting him pick among the choices I can live with adds to his compliance inferring school done. Dd does anything so she has only picked science subjects. She mentioned switching to Saxon math but upon seeing it agreed to do Derek Owens instead lol.

 

But yes, as they get older I ask input. Especially DS who wants control. When he balks later on I remind him he picked it!!!

[Momof3littles]

Just saw SWB speak, and she mentioned giving some choice and allowing kids to question, provide input, etc about curric choices as they mature.

[swellmomma]

How much input they get really depends on the child.  My oldest 2 get to choose their electives, however ds15 has said he doesn't want to choose, he just wants me to pick.  So he is doing the same as dd14 to make it easier on me.  They have previously been allowed to choose their online lit classes but first term next year there is specific ones I want them to take so they didn't get to choose this time. 2nd term they will.  When allowing those 2 to choose I hand them the course description sheet and tell them to let me know which one(s) they want to take.  Electives I show them all the options that Alberta Ed gives credits for and let them pick.

ds10 is a different ball of wax. I let him choose his style of learning.  He gets more say in it at this age than as a teen, which seems weird but given the strict way alberta grants credits and diplomas they must take certain courses in high school but in elementary it doesn't matter.  As well he has fairly significant learning disabilities but he also has an interest in seeking out information on his own(something neither of my oldest have ever really had).  He gets to choose between 2 options for math, though he always sticks with MUS now because he loves it.  He has no choice in language arts materials.  He gets to choose the rest. He loves konos so that one is a no brainer.  He gets to pick extra science if he chooses, things like adding projects/lapbooks or crafts.  He wants to do home ec and typing next year so he is, as well as stop motion animation.  He is asking to unschool but I am not as sold on that.  Even if we do he would still have to do the lang arts I assign (most of his disabilities are in reading/writing).  He has taken to going on youtube, or surfing the net to find ideas of things to do, watch instructional videos (currently his obsession is duct tape crafts), play math games etc.  He wants to learn everything about everything so I listen to what he is asking for and try to make it happen

dd6 I choose the basics for her (and even if she goes to ps in the fall I will still choose her afterschooling stuff), but she decides how long to work on any given thing.  Generally she wants to keep going in every subject and complains each day that I have not taught her enough yet (one of the reasons I am considering ps for her).  If she returns to hsing she will be similar to ds10 in choices.  Where I will choose the lang arts, they can choose the rest (they just can't choose to do nothing in any given subject) 

[kajm]

....  Since the end goal is young adults who can reason through decisions independently, input into schooling choices happens as part of the overall plan.   Even when they do not have a choice about schooling matters, I usually explain why I have made the choice I have, the pros and cons and what I hope will be the positive result of it.  They need to understand this to be invested, and they need to be invested to be successful.

 

This really resonated with me, and I have been tossing it over in my head ever since.  Thank you!

[Elisabet1]

Very bad idea to include them on choices. You get a lot of them negotiating and changing their minds. They just get such a high level of control, they expect it to continue in to whatever they do after home schooling. I let my oldest chose a lot. Toward the end, I could not get her to do anything. I finally had to send her back to public school. She spent the first few years really fighting it and critiquing every last thing the teachers assigned and such. 

 

Even now, I continue to make the mistake of letting the kids look over stuff and picking. Really, they do not know what they are looking at. They will pick something based on how the pages look or maybe 1 thing in the book they like. They don't get the bigger picture. And they might not even want to do the work, so they try to pick the thing that looks like they have to do the least amount of hard work, or they perceive to not make them cover something they don't want.

 

My middle children have been covering physics, chemistry, and earth science since the beginning. I have decided they have to do life science next. They say they don't want to. If I let them decide, they will never ever even try life science. I let my older middle son pick his math. He picked something that I had reservations about. We went ahead and did it because HE said he wanted it. Well, his qualification were that he wanted a workbook, and something with color. That was it. The program was a disaster for us. We have since moved on to the book I had picked in the first place, but not before losing time and money on spending so much of the year on that other program.

 

 

On that note though, I would let them chose electives and which foreign language and so on, within reason. If you want your child to do music and art, and they say no, I don't like music, I don't want to do it, I would still make them do it. But, if you feel 1 semester of music is enough, and your child doesn't like it, then go ahead and drop it then. 

[Jackie]

I realize i may be in the minority, but DD is just starting kindy and had substantial say over her schooling. She loves her school time, so I'm more likely to have to talk her out of adding things than tell her she needs them, which would probably change things.

 

Working on reading and math were my non-negotiables. She gets to choose a couple times a week if the math is RightStart, Dreambox, or living math books that day. School reading comes from books around her current level, but she can choose anything from within that restriction.

 

All other subjects she was able to make some choice related to it. She elected to continue spelling lessons and to stick with AAS (I offered one alternative program or dropping it altogether for now). She wanted to start on history, formal art and music. She wanted handwriting, and to learn print and cursive concurrently. She wants far more science than I'm offering, but has to tolerate my slower pace there; I do offer variety and she was presented with some specific options. She wants Spanish and spoke up today about one of the programs not fitting, so I'm looking for an alternative. She would like to add 1-2 additional foreign languages and 1-2 additional instruments, but I did force her to make a choice as I'm not interested in teaching that many languages or monitoring practice time for multiple instruments.

 

For most things, she tells me what she wants to learn and I find a way to teach it that I believe she will like. I often will have multiple resources on hand and let her choose how to proceed. My primary goal for her at this time is to enjoy learning and look forward to school. And because she does love learning, and loves her school time, she is learning far more than I believe she would if I had chosen everything on my own and presented it to her.

[....]

Very bad idea to include them on choices. You get a lot of them negotiating and changing their minds. They just get such a high level of control, they expect it to continue in to whatever they do after home schooling. I let my oldest chose a lot. Toward the end, I could not get her to do anything. I finally had to send her back to public school. She spent the first few years really fighting it and critiquing every last thing the teachers assigned and such. 

 

Even now, I continue to make the mistake of letting the kids look over stuff and picking. Really, they do not know what they are looking at. They will pick something based on how the pages look or maybe 1 thing in the book they like. They don't get the bigger picture. And they might not even want to do the work, so they try to pick the thing that looks like they have to do the least amount of hard work, or they perceive to not make them cover something they don't want.

 

My middle children have been covering physics, chemistry, and earth science since the beginning. I have decided they have to do life science next. They say they don't want to. If I let them decide, they will never ever even try life science. I let my older middle son pick his math. He picked something that I had reservations about. We went ahead and did it because HE said he wanted it. Well, his qualification were that he wanted a workbook, and something with color. That was it. The program was a disaster for us. We have since moved on to the book I had picked in the first place, but not before losing time and money on spending so much of the year on that other program.

 

 

On that note though, I would let them chose electives and which foreign language and so on, within reason. If you want your child to do music and art, and they say no, I don't like music, I don't want to do it, I would still make them do it. But, if you feel 1 semester of music is enough, and your child doesn't like it, then go ahead and drop it then. 

 

I'm not being sarcastic here, but I wonder why your kids do that, but mine don't.  Is it a personality thing?  Most of my kids have been using the same math for several years (no changing their minds).  Come to think of it...my kids tend to not like "change".  I wonder if that's why.  They probably wouldn't like it if I changed their math.  

 

Also, once we start something, we're pretty locked into it.  I don't let them quit unless it's just a really bad fit for all of us.  I mean, it would have to be a disaster.  LOL.

 

As far as you wanting them to cover life science and they don't want to...when we first started homeschooling, we had those battles.  After about the second year, they stopped fussing/arguing about schoolwork.  I don't know if they just outgrew it and became more cooperative (LOL) or they just gave up arguing (because I'm stubborn) or they started to enjoy learning.  *shrug*

[Donna]

I started homeschooling dd in an way where I left everything within her reach and we did what interested her. As she neared K age, we started to do a few subjects daily and that increased as she got older but I have always given her a lot of say in what she learned and how. 

 

There are subjects that are mandatory such as math, language arts, science, and history. I home schooled her brothers who had different learning styles so if I have different curriculum for a subject, I will get her input on which she likes best. If she is happy, she works hard and learns more. We start each year off with a conversation about subjects she is interested in and I find time to include her interests as well…these tend to be music oriented.

 

The past couple years I have allowed her to chose which science and history she'd like to do next…for example, this coming year I gave her a choice of continuing world studies from Rome on or doing a year of just American History. She asked to learn French after a trip to Quebec (rather than Spanish) so she is doing French and Latin. I let her try some online French courses and she chose the combination she likes best. We tend to go off on rabbit trails when she finds something she is interested in delving into further.

 

 

[Tiramisu]

Only one child did not give me good input regarding her classes. Nothing would have worked, though, and now she's in ps.

 

I would not offer materials I couldn't work with as an option. And I believe taking their opinions into consideration has been very successful and saved me a lot of money.

 

I am letting my second grader pick her materials for next year. She knows what she has used and what she likes. I'd be more likely to change for variety but she wants to stick with the tried and true, and I think that's very sensible. This system works mostly because I have a good amount of stuff on my shelves from older siblings for her to choose from. I am not having her peruse the Rainbow Resources catalog and giving her my credit card.  :laugh:

 

ETA: My last dc is very bright but very hard to teach and I have found letting her take the lead has made our schooling time more efficient and more enjoyable.

[....]

I would not offer materials I couldn't work with as an option. 

 

:iagree:  Yes, I agree with this.

[Desert Strawberry]

I have always consulted my children.

My oldest has processing problems. I had to be sure he could understand what he was seeing. 

I don't hand them the catalog or cut them loose at Marcel and wish them luck. Who knows what they would come up with.

But I will have them work a sample lesson of my choosing with me and give me a review. Especially my first, as he is more particular. My others will do whatever I put in front of them. 

I don't find that they feel entitled, make demands, refuse the work, or raise their expectations. I do find they are good judges of what will work for them. Our failures have all been choices I made on my own without their input. They don't always like what I think they will, but they always like what they choose. More than liking it, they understand and remember what they choose. They know if the lessons make sense and are enjoyable to them. I can only guess.

 

[kolamum]

I do this. Some things are NOT optional & will happen like it or not. It's a part of life. One HAS to learn to read, & thus one has to keep up those skills to continue to build with them. The same is true for math & even writing. But other things I permit input on.

 

Would you like to tag along & do World History like this with your sibling or would you prefer to do this version instead? There have been years where there are no choices, but other times I don't mind. This year my 11 year old was given a choice about which curriculum he wanted to use. Why? Because I really didn't want him to tag along, but was willing to permit it if he wasn't keen to do the original study he wanted to do. I'd rather a tag-along then spending money that goes to pot, kwim? He was allowed to pick his theme of study last year too, but he ended up changing his mind rather last minute which was a bit frustrating. Having said that his change of mind was GOOD because it worked much better to have him tag-along last year.

 

I wouldn't say I give them ALL the choices. I offer a selection of choices & permit a choice to be made from that. If for some reason I feel, in the end, that another option is better then I may choose that & explain to them why. In general, however, when they are given a choice I try to let that be, because let's face it if someone asked us to make a choice & then yanked it away we'd be unhappy, right?

[mumto2]

I have been occasionally giving choices for a very long time.  When my choices are down to two and the decision is pretty subjective I ask the student to decide.  Both my dc's seem to be very content with curriculum they have picked generally.  I will admit one time ds was shocked by what he had chosen (no samples availiable) and asked to have it returned.  No problem.  I doubt we would have been able to if he had not been interested on the arrival day.  We were a couple months early on ordering that year so would not have been able to return it when we started it.

[Farrar]

Very bad idea to include them on choices. You get a lot of them negotiating and changing their minds. They just get such a high level of control, they expect it to continue in to whatever they do after home schooling. I let my oldest chose a lot. Toward the end, I could not get her to do anything. I finally had to send her back to public school. She spent the first few years really fighting it and critiquing every last thing the teachers assigned and such. 

 

I'm probably not going to change your mind, but I did want to share a different perspective on this behavior and a different way to deal with it.  Just for people to see a different take.

 

I think this is pretty common, especially when given choice and control for the first time and especially when kids are younger.  I started out with the assumption that I would give my kids a lot of choice and control when we first began homeschooling.  It also quickly went somewhat awry and I had to rethink that and clamp down on the choices.  My boys were barely 5 yo.  They didn't have any sense of what they really wanted.  I didn't show them curriculum options because that wouldn't have made much sense (and because we used very little that year) but I give a lot of choice about what to work on when.  It led to squabbles and backtracking.

 

But here's where I went instead.

 

I decided that what they wanted was still very important, but that they didn't have the skills to express it.  Instead, I felt it was part of my job to watch and see what they really needed and make adjustments more by what they showed through their actions than through their young kid words.

 

I also decided that since the end goal is creating young adults who can make wise choices about their own lives, that it was my job to start helping them learn to do that.  So I began to help them get those words and those self-observation skills about their own learning so that eventually they would be able to not only have more input but down the line be able to take control themselves.

 

With that goal in mind, we talk about our learning process, we set goals together, we reflect with our portfolio system.  I began giving a lot more limited choices.  First it was just this or that.  But as they've gotten a little older, the choices have opened up.  There's more and more choices.  Now my kids have chosen their curricula sometimes.  They choose which activities to do first in their day.  And next year, we're moving toward more kid controlled projects and learning.

 

It's a learned skill to be able to make decisions about your learning.  If it's something that you want your kids to have, I think you have to teach it.

[boscopup]

I haven't given mine choices in curriculum yet. I gave my oldest the choice of doing Latin - didn't see a point in doing it if he didn't want to. He loves it, so we're doing it. ;) I also pay attention to what curricula he likes. For example, he likes CAP W&R and has ASKED to do it at times. So we'll continue with that, even though I'm adding in another program (which he may also like).

 

Right now, he doesn't have the knowledge to understand what a curriculum would be like when just looking at samples and such. I'll sometimes let him see a sample and ask what he thinks, but it's just too abstract for him at this stage. I think I get better data by using something, THEN asking how he likes it.

 

When he's in high school, I expect him to select his courses, based on what he needs for graduation (just like I got to choose my own courses in public high school, even down to whether to take the AP version or not). I might involve him some in the curricula choosing then, but the main thing is for him to choose the topics. That's what I think he should have control of, so he can function in college choosing courses without me standing right there walking him through it. If there is a particular literature path he wants to follow one year, that's totally cool with me. Or if he wants to delve more heavily into a particular historical era. The main thing is to make sure he has the credits necessary for the equivalent of an Advanced Diploma in our state, so that will be 4 years math, 4 years science, 4 years English, etc, etc.

 

Prior to high school, I'm open to his suggestions for foreign language, history, science, and literature, but usually he doesn't know what's out there or how fun something might be, so I think it's best for me to choose and try it out. He likes most of my choices. :)

[My3girls]

Curriculum... no they don't get a choice, but I do follow their lead in what interests them.  If they ask lots of questions or want to see something or do an activity then we will take extra time on that topic.  For instance, we are on cells in science.  The youngest asked for an activity so we made a cell out of jello and candy.  They loved it.  They do get to choose books from the library bin for supplemental reading, and from the library for their own interests.  DD12 has several checked out right now on lizards, dd9 on frogs, and dd8 on sharks.  In Literature, I often will let them choose between 2 or 3 books but not always.

 

Once high school aged, they will get to choose subjects, but I don't know that they will choose curriculum then, either.  I have never taken a course from Kindergarten thru Master's Degree where I chose the curriculum or even had a say in it.  I chose the course and even the instructor, but it was the instructor's job to choose curriculum.

[MerryAtHope]

I'm probably not going to change your mind, but I did want to share a different perspective on this behavior and a different way to deal with it.  Just for people to see a different take.

 

I think this is pretty common, especially when given choice and control for the first time and especially when kids are younger.

 

<snip> 

 

I also decided that since the end goal is creating young adults who can make wise choices about their own lives, that it was my job to start helping them learn to do that.  So I began to help them get those words and those self-observation skills about their own learning so that eventually they would be able to not only have more input but down the line be able to take control themselves.

 

With that goal in mind, we talk about our learning process, we set goals together, we reflect with our portfolio system.  I began giving a lot more limited choices.  First it was just this or that.  But as they've gotten a little older, the choices have opened up.  There's more and more choices.  Now my kids have chosen their curricula sometimes.  They choose which activities to do first in their day.  And next year, we're moving toward more kid controlled projects and learning.

 

It's a learned skill to be able to make decisions about your learning.  If it's something that you want your kids to have, I think you have to teach it.

 

Yes. I think there's a difference between giving kids a choice and giving them full control. I gave them choices within boundaries and limitations when they were young (I chose curriculum I could work with, let them know what was non-negotiable, let them know we couldn't change mid-year if they didn't like it etc...) So I didn't get a lot of control-issues or changing of the mind because I set those things up as my limitations to begin with, and I also made clear that I had the final say but was taking their feedback into consideration. 

 

I do think that giving kids too much control can backfire (nothing like kids throwing tantrums over what color cup they get to use!). I always thought about choices with a funnel in mind--narrow (or few choices) when they are young, and gradually releasing them to more choices as they are able to take on more responsibility over their growing-up years.