Have you ever gotten rid of a family heirloom and regretted it?

[prairiewindmomma]

I am contemplating letting go of some of things I have been given over the years in our downsize move. They are not beautiful or functional to me. Some do not have any monetary value. I want to keep them only because so-and-so gave them to me and they used to belong to great-great-great somebody. They tie me back to my heritage. Dh has nothing from his natal family and I worry that if I let go of my stash of stuff that I am cutting my family from its roots. What say the Hive?

[applethyme]

I gave them to other family members that would value them more than I would.  It was a win - win.  I got rid of stuff I didn't want or like and they now had family mementos. 

[Lady Florida.]

No, I never have been sorry. I wish dh would get rid of some of the stuff from his grandmothers. I don't attach family meaning to things though, so that's the difference. It doesn't mean I don't like "things" or that I would never keep something meaningful that has only sentimental value, but just that I don't think they are what tie me to my heritage. Stories are important to me and I've tried to pass them along.

[Lady Florida.]

I gave them to other family members that would value them more than I would.  It was a win - win.  I got rid of stuff I didn't want or like and they now had family mementos. 

 

Yes. Usually before I get rid of something I offer it to another family member.

[Mommyof4ks]

No, I take pix and either give it to another family memeber or sell/donate it. I am not a very sentimental person when it comes to furniture and trinkets though, so if you are, then it might be a regret for you. I regret pix I missed, so it is not that have no regrets. :)

[stephanier.1765]

I only keep the heirlooms that I have special memories of, ie. the bookcase that's now in my front hall once belonged to my great grandmother who would specially stock it with books she knew I would enjoy. I have many pleasant childhood memories of curling up on the floor in front of that bookcase trying to choose which book to read next.

 

I have already passed on a chair and desk from the same great grandmother because they no longer fit my decor and I wanted the room. They held no special memories for me so letting them go was easy. My mother wasn't very happy with me though.

[LucyStoner]

I don't transfer affectionate feelings from people to things very much.

 

I have never regretted getting rid of family things. I do try to see if a family member wants it before taking it to goodwill or whatever. My brothers are both much more attached to things just because they belonged to someone. I don't understand the sense of obligation to people though things.

 

A recent example.

 

My dad was down in Colorado helping clear out his mother's condo. Nobody wanted this large framed oil painting of a landscape that my grandparents had received as a wedding present. No one wanted it because it is pretty meh. It was done by the family friend who gave it to them. It wouldn't be out of place hanging above the bed in a cheap motel. It's also the size of Texas as far as paintings go. My father, because it was painted by the son of the woman who took in my grandfather and great uncle when they ran away from an orphanage, couldn't bring himself to get rid of it. So he decides to foist it on me. He picks me because my husband and I have a good amount of art, including a number of paintings. I told him no, I didn't think we had room and it wasn't in our style at all. He spends $$$ packing it and shipping it. It's freaking huge. It sits in my hallway for months. I nearly did toss it. Finally I told my brother, who expressed interest in it, that he had until X date to pick it up or it was going to goodwill. He gets it. I go to his place to visit. It's not anywhere to be seen on the wall- it's wedged in a corner of clutter in the living room. He doesn't like it either but can't toss something that was painted by the son of the woman who saved our grandfather. These people have been dead and buried for decades. My grandfather, the last remaining of his siblings, has been dead some 16 years himself. My grandmother dead for 4 years. But my brother has a fugly painting in his home he feels obligated to keep. He winces at it daily and thinks it's ugly and can't find a spot to put it up. What the what?!

 

It's not that I don't feel love for my departed grandparents. I make peach ice cream and apple pie and tell my sons about my grandfather's love of both. I listen to my grandmother's favorite operas and teach my son how to read a libretto. I tell them about her beautiful operatic voice and how she wanted to be an opera singer. I tell them about her hatred of cooking and her sharp wit. About how she paid for her kids extras by singing at weddings every weekend. I tell my kids the stories they told me. I tell them that my grandfather was an orphan who nearly starved to death and who was tough enough to run away as a pretty young child and get help and a kind woman named Mrs. So and so basically saved his life. How he never went to high school but worked his way up to ownership of a successful business. How he volunteered for the air corps and served in Italy and North Africa. How his doted on his wife and took care of her and 9 children. Every so often, around the anniversary of his death, I take a shot of his favorite whiskey and call my dad and listen to him talk about his dad.

 

Objects aren't family.

[Wilma]

I've always felt liberated.  That said, it's usually stuff from my husbands family! 

[6packofun]

Yes.  I wouldn't call it an heirloom, but dh's grandparents had this cool, round lazy susan coffee table.  He LOVED it as a kid and would ride it around and around when they were out of the room.  LOL  We had it and liked it for playing games on.  For some reason, when our landlady gave us 30 days to move out and we were so stressed and trying to downsize and put stuff in storage as quickly as possible, I sold it in our garage sale.  I'm still sad about it sometimes.  It would be so great to have because of the memories AND because we would use it.  I'm a dope.  However, it's because it would have also been USEFUL that I really regret it.  I wouldn't be that way over a knick-knack or anything like that.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, over a couple of items.  But the rest?  No, it was liberating.  

[kewb]

I have never regretted giving away/selling a family heirloom.  As I tell my hoarder husband with some frequency-the memories are in my head not in the thing.  If it is not bringing me joy I want it to go somewhere it will be appreciated rather then stuffed in a closet.

[Spryte]

For the most part - no regrets. The people we love aren't in their stuff. I have parted with a lot.

 

I do have regrets about my grandfather's (and great grandfather's) chair. However, the regret isn't that we don't have it any longer... It's more about my mom's cat, who incessantly peed on it while we were cat sitting! We couldn't even reupholster the chair, as the pee soaked into the frame. Not worthwhile. But my regret is about the cat accident more than anything. Not really about parting with the chair.

[Camelfeet]

Not really, but that is because I've been selective about the things I feel attached to.    

[elegantlion]

Yes, I sold my grandmothers piano when we did a long distance move. It wasn't a great piano, but it was mine. I regret it. I sold it because it was a hassle to move even short distances. Looking back, there was so much more than "family heirloom" attached to that piece and in light of everything else we moved, yeah, I regret it. 

 

I own a small keyboard now and it's not the same. Someday I will own another piano, but even if someone gave me one now I have no way to transport it. 

[Amira]

I think if we had more things from family, it might be different, but since we only have a few things, it's easy to keep them. I have a few Christmas ornaments that were my maternel grandmother's that go on the tree every year, a thimble and a book of my paternal grandmother, a small piece of fabric from my great-grandmother's wedding dress, an old mirror of dh's great-grandfather, and two quilts dh's great-grandmother made. Everything has a logical place to go and doesn't take up much space (or is useful in the case of the quilts).

 

If I had some of the things people here were describing, or lots of things, I'd take photos and give them to someone else who wanted them. I know I wouldn't mind having a few more small, practical items that my grandparents or great-grandparents used. I'm hoping I get my grandfather's spurs from when he was a park ranger in Yellowstone someday. But I wouldn't want anyone's old furniture or weird or useless items, no matter what. And I'd regret it if I lost any of the few family heirlooms I have now.

[Guest]

Yes, but I got over it.

 

I collected coins for many years during my childhood; so glad they were there so I could sell them and pay my rent!

 

My grandmother and my mother saved their favourite children's books for me; so glad they were there so I could sell them and buy good, nourishing food for my kids!

 

 

[linders]

Yes. I had an old steamer trunk, not much to look at, but the one my great-grandmother brought when she immigrated from Ireland. Got rid of it in the last move - it was bulk and not much use. I often think of it.

[Tess in the Burbs]

yes and no.  we were given a lot of furniture from my grandma.  It wasn't us.  When we moved cross country I opted to give it all away.  I was young and stupid and should have offered it to family to store.  Now, I kinda wish I had kept some of it.  Or sold it b/c it was worth a lot of money!

 

But we move so often it was the right thing to do.  

[Guest]

I kind of have had the same issue.  What finally helped me was my sister's brilliant idea to keep ONE thing to remind me of each person.  So I have a brass candlestick from one grandmother, a piggybank made by the other grandmother,  a crystal candlestick from one grandfather, a photograph from the other, and so on.  It's all stuff I use/see/love, and most of the rest of the stuff...wasn't.  

 

I'm getting rid of lots of stuff lately, and it has been harder than I wish it were, but I'm sick of dragging around the world's biggest ball and chain.  STUFF

 

[Storygirl]

I don't have a sentimental attachment to furnishings, but I do have a hard time throwing away old pictures of people I don't know and some silver and china. I successfully cleaned out boxes and boxes of decorative plates collected by my grandmother, keeping only a couple for my own small china cabinet, but I lugged home grandma's crystal punch bowl and cups and a lovely set of glass brunch dishes that I have used only once in fifteen years. They sit boxed in my basement, and I cannot part with them. My dad has been cleaning things out (Mom is in a nursing home), and I find it hard to say no to some things, even though I know that I do not actually need them.

 

I only have trouble refusing beautiful and/or valuable things, though. My mother had over 200 pairs of shoes (no joking), mostly in my size. I think I kept three pairs, and the rest went to GoodWill.

 

I do, though, keep my kids in mind when I'm deciding what to keep and what to get rid of. I have saved a few things for each of them that belonged to my mother and grandmother. On the flip side, I don't want them to be saddled with a bunch of stuff to sort through, so I'm trying to keep the stuff I collect to a minimum. Key word "trying" because there is still a lot that I can get rid of.

 

Frankly, after sorting through everything that my mother owned (and she owned A LOT), I kind of have an aversion to acquiring material things, knowing that they will just be disposed of someday.

 

At the same time, I have a hard time throwing away all of the unidentifiable doohickeys and broken pencils in my junk drawer, so I have a long way to go.

[MiMi 4under3]

As a teen, I donated my great-grandmother's crocheted items. (My parents didn't know)

At the time I thought, "When am I ever going to use these?"

Boy, do I feel bad now!

[readinmom]

Dh's family doesn't have the heirlooms, per se.  We usually get stuff pushed off on us when they do visit us.  My family, however, has extensive collections of stuff dating back quite some time.  Each one of us has a particular item we are fond of and will take at the appropriate time. 

 

I guess you have to ask yourself what is the value in holding on to it.  If it's something you feel obligated about keeping, donate it.  If it's something that immediately evokes strong, happy memories, cherish it and keep it as long as you can. 

[rmtzc2009]

Nope, I have no troubles passing stuff along that I no longer need or want.  But I don't attach memories to things and am not very sentimental.  My dh has stuff that he likes to hang on to.  Pictures his grandmother painted-even though he doesn't want to hang them cause they are not his style.  He also has his high school varsity jacket, tons of his high school jerseys, etc.  It all sits in boxes in the basement and hasn't been looked at or talked about for 14 years now.   I find value in keeping things that I can display and enjoy.