Seriously considering throwing in the towel.....frustration....

[jrstarfleetacademy]

I am seriously considering sending the kiddo back to school in the fall. I have tried, in many ways, to engage my child outside of regular textbook learning. We take weekly field trips, weekly trips to the library, spend countless days outdoors and at park days with other homeschoolers. I even tried totally unschooling/CM for six months. Nothing. 

 

It surprises me that she doesn't care about learning anything since her Dad and myself are always enthusiastically reading/learning. School is something she checks off her to do list and isn't all that engaged in or out of class. We only school four days a week for about three hours and take a break every seven weeks for an entire week. 

 

We have been schooling for almost 2 years and she was previously in public for K and a small part of 1st. She is retaining and progressing but is below grade level since we basically lost six months of academics trying to figure out how to make unschooling work. She does math, language arts, and reading daily and chose the extra subjects of US geography, chemistry, and art. 

 

I'd like to school at least long enough to catch her up but we found a private school that has small combined (K and 1st, 2nd and 3rd...) class sizes so she would get individual attention. Homeschooling is stressing me out and it seems that I am constantly trying to get her to engage beyond answering questions in a workbook. I'm afraid it is going to strain our relationship. 

 

For info purposes, she is 8 and has no known learning challenges or giftedness.

 

Has anyone else had to deal with this? Did you keep homeschooling? Does it get better? Help.... :banghead:

[Alte Veste Academy]

What does she say? What interests her? What is she good at? What are her favorite subjects? How does she spend her time outside of school? What is your relationship like?

[jrstarfleetacademy]

What does she say? What interests her? What is she good at? What are her favorite subjects? How does she spend her time outside of school? What is your relationship like?

 

It is not so much what she says (other than the standard "I'm bored", it is what she does....stomping feet, rolling eyes, doodling on the page, not paying attention (causing me to have to repeat several times)

 

We have her interests pretty well covered. She chose US Geography, Chemistry, and Art Lab. Has soccer and dance once a week and explores industrial arts with her Dad on weekends. 

 

Outside of class she builds with legos (or any other material), tries to train our poodle to do tricks, bakes in the kitchen, and watches Gilligan's Island.

 

Our relationship is pretty good except that I am bipolar and generally stressed. I have just started medication and therapy so I am hoping to be better soon.

 

I feel like I'm stuck homeschooling because we won't send her back to public (calculators are standard issue starting in 1st and they use Everyday Math).  I don't know if we just haven't been at it long enough or if homeschooling simply won't work for our family. Thanks for your reply.

[Wildiris]

Whose yard stick are you using to measure that she is behind? Have you done any kind of testing, even a simple math readiness test offered by publishers to see if she is at grade level?

 

She is a kid. She is not going to engage in an adult way. The best conversations I've had with my kids is when we are in the car driving.  Some kids are just not interested in things in a way that we parents notice or give value to. 

 

Maybe your stress, wanting something that she isn't, makes for a ho-hum homeschool experience for her. As an overly enthusiastic, always learning mom, my kids loath when I open my mouth sometimes. Not everything needs to be about "the learning experience." 

 

What does she do when she doesn't do school? Horseback riding? Dance? Swimming? How about a bit more writing and art?

 

And what about you doing something for you beyond homeschooling?

 

OK, I saw your response and it answered some of my questions.

 

I hope the meds work. As for the drooling and not paying attention, maybe your choices of curriculum don't fit the child. 

[MiMi 4under3]

It is not so much what she says (other than the standard "I'm bored", it is what she does....stomping feet, rolling eyes, doodling on the page, not paying attention (causing me to have to repeat several times)

 

 

Does she think she's behind? If so, the behavior could be a defense mechanism.

Could she truly be bored? Maybe she could handle harder material.

 

When my kids show signs of boredom or daydreaming, I shrug and move on with the lesson. I don't let it get to me on a personal level.

There are just some things that I can't/won't/don't want to make "fun and engaging." Like grammar or math drills. Or editing written work. Or outlining a paragraph in the history encyclopedia. We just get 'er done and move on. If they don't "enjoy" it, too bad.  ;)

 

I do reward compliant behavior with extra recess time, or getting to choose the next subject and such - but I'm also very careful not to let that slip into bribery!

 

I wish you and DD well.  :)  :)

[Pen]

If she wants to go to school, and you are okay with her going, that might be a good option for all of you.

 

She may just not be a child who is as interested in learning  as you are, or would like her to be. 

 

You could pare down to the basic necessities--at her age that would probably be the 3 Rs -- and let her just check it off and get er done. What is the point of field trips and what not if they are not appreciated. At her age she can probably do without geography, chemistry and art if she does not get engaged in them. You might be able to sneak in a little extra learning in the form of documentary films. Or not.

 

Or you could just accept that she is doing fine basically, and try to ignore the eye rolling, or make jokes about it and ask her to do it again in slow motion.

 

Personally I'd probably cancel special perks for disrespect.

[bethben]

I have a kid who does the work and that's about it.  He really doesn't show much interest in anything he does.  I tried a lot of different things and curriculums to try and spark his interest.  I thought about unschooling and tried Charlotte Mason finally parking with classical.  Still to this day, homeschooling 8 years later, he still has no passions for much more than his sport interests.  I thought it was me.  I admit I compared thinking I was doing something wrong otherwise my child would be interested in learning - interested in anything...Now, I have two other children coming up behind him.  They are interested in what they are learning.  They read something and want to know more.  They get excited when I pull out the science materials.  I'm still the same kind of teacher, but the child is different.  You may just have a child that says, "Tell me what to do and I'll do it, but don't expect excitement."

 

Beth

[HS Mom in NC]

So she doesn't love academics.  So what?   Maybe it's just not her thing.  Not knowing what her thing is at 8 sounds very typical to me. What was your expectation when it came to homeschooling?  Did you go to a convention workshop where someone told you that homeschooling would automatically make your child academically excellent and homeschooling would make her beg to learn more about everything?  I've been to those over the years-they're a scam. Most academics are not anything to get all excited about for most kids.  That's normal-even among homeschoolers.

 

Is she just a more subdued personality?  I'm one of those.  I always wondered why teachers and childcare workers always talked like everything they were teaching the kids was some great, fantastic thing.  It's math.  Meh. Some kids' books like Dr. Seuss, Dick and Jane, phonics readers, many children's book etc. are so painfully uninteresting that I thought many of my teachers were complete morons for going on and on like they were delightful.  They weren't. They used crazy enthusiastic voices and endless inappropriate terms like "Awesome!" and "Fantastic!" and "Excellent!" and "Amazing!" for the most routine, hum drum assignments.  I felt like my elementary education was a weird parallel of the Emperor's New Clothes where all these teachers were in a dither about how fascinating and interesting the things we were doing were when it was so obvious to me that there was little, if anything of interest. Was I the only one that noticed it?   Most of life is a quiet routine and peaks and valleys are the exception and not the rule. 

 

Some kids just don't see academics as exciting.  They just want to get done what they have to do and go on to do kid stuff. Later, usually in adulthood, people tend to develop interests and choose a course of independent study.  It's with adult perspective that they appreciate the difference between a high quality education and a mediocre one.  My oldest was convinced I was completely wasting her time with what she studied at home in her mid teens.  After a semester of college she realized how valuable it was.  Kids think like kids.  Adults think like adults.  Don't expect one from the other.

 

Don't turn yourself (or your wallet) inside out trying to get a sustained emotional reaction from her.  Decide what your academic goals are, which curriculum best meets those goals and work toward those goals diligently.  If you see trouble spots in a particular subject, look into different ways other people teach that information. 

 

Even when they are interested in one thing for a while, they're not going to be interested in other things.  My youngest (8) likes to hear SOTW read aloud. She doesn't mind narrations.  She hates copying her narration it for handwriting.  Some days she's more attentive than others.  I've had to read aloud the same section 3 times because she wasn't paying attention.  Oh well, there's a life lesson learned-if you don't do it right the first time, you have to spend more time doing it over.  Lunch will be late today because we have to do it again.  Sometimes she rushes through the handwriting ridiculously fast and it looks awful.  OK, fine.  She can do it again.  Bad job again?  Fine.  I've got all day.  Her record is 4 times redoing the same assignment until it was right.  Lunch was an hour late.  Life is full of consequences. If I got upset because a kid didn't want to do an assignment correctly, I'd be a mess.  Kids are kids.  They do stuff like that.

[Ellie]

I am seriously considering sending the kiddo back to school in the fall. I have tried, in many ways, to engage my child outside of regular textbook learning. We take weekly field trips, weekly trips to the library, spend countless days outdoors and at park days with other homeschoolers. I even tried totally unschooling/CM for six months. Nothing. 

 

It surprises me that she doesn't care about learning anything since her Dad and myself are always enthusiastically reading/learning. School is something she checks off her to do list and isn't all that engaged in or out of class. We only school four days a week for about three hours and take a break every seven weeks for an entire week. 

 

We have been schooling for almost 2 years and she was previously in public for K and a small part of 1st. She is retaining and progressing but is below grade level since we basically lost six months of academics trying to figure out how to make unschooling work. She does math, language arts, and reading daily and chose the extra subjects of US geography, chemistry, and art. 

 

I'd like to school at least long enough to catch her up but we found a private school that has small combined (K and 1st, 2nd and 3rd...) class sizes so she would get individual attention. Homeschooling is stressing me out and it seems that I am constantly trying to get her to engage beyond answering questions in a workbook. I'm afraid it is going to strain our relationship. 

 

For info purposes, she is 8 and has no known learning challenges or giftedness.

 

Has anyone else had to deal with this? Did you keep homeschooling? Does it get better? Help.... :banghead:

 

What is it you think she should do that she does not?

 

[IsabelC]

I wonder whether you might need to modify your expectations a little? If your child was screaming, crying, shutting down or or otherwise unable / unwilling to learn anything, you would have a serious problem on your hands. But from your post it sounds more as though she is progressing and accepting what you ask her to do, even though she isn't rapt about it. Sure it's possible that tweaking the educational approach or the resources you use might help. But it's also possible that she just isn't a kid who is ever going to be rapt about schoolwork. Not every kid is going to leap with joy if only you can manage to find the perfect curriculum / subjects / unschooling style. And that is OK, as long as she is reasonably content and there is some learning taking place.

 

Regarding your stress, it's likely that any source of stress is going to take a higher toll at the moment while you are starting / adjusting your medication. Is there any way that you can get more support during this time? Or would putting her into school temporarily perhaps be an option? I hear that you don't think school is the best choice, but would it be good for you to take a break from the homeschooling while you are working on your own mental health? That way you could come back to home educating when you feel ready and able to cope with it. Because it's so hard to do home schooling when you feel that you are trapped and have no options. 

[kiwik]

Maybe just work on polite and forget excitement. If you do it properly without attitude it will take two hours and then you can play. If I have to stop because you are being rude then it will take longer. She may find excitement later but a lit of stuff is just hum drum get it done in life.

[Nan in Mass]

Are you being consistant about your expectations so she knows what to expect each day? I tended to get more eye rolling when I altered the routine to add something fun but but which took more time or effort. We did better when is tusk to a routine so everyone, including me, knew when school would be done. We had nicer parts of the routine, like reading, but mostly I just tried to pick a minimal routine and get us all through it briskly and cheerfully. I left the enthusiasm for their own projects. Naturally they preferred to do those to school. They did get enthusiastic about some things, but I was pretty unsuccessful at predicting what those things would be so I mostly didn't,t even bother trying. We had some lovely happy times. They were accidents. I didn,t require enthusiasm, only hard work and cheerfulness. Sometimes.i sounded like a broken record asking for those things.

 

Have you explained what whining is? Once she understands that, you can tell her not to do it. I usually had mine do something silly when complained. Eye rolling is complaining. The punishment was short and predictable and only silly, not anything serious. We all had days when we had to do it multiple times and we,d laugh and label those days one-of-those-days. I tried to keep things light.

 

I hope your meds work for you. I,m sure a whiny child is the last straw when all you want to do is crawl under the covers and stay there. It would be nice if they were helpful and sympathetic and grateful and enthusiastic at that age but thet mostly just aren't. It totally is possible to persuade them to keep their complaints to themselves though and that helps a lot.

 

Nan

[LLMom]

One thing that is touted in homeschooling circles is that learning must be fun and children should be eager to learn.  That is not the case with a lot of children.  My children enjoyed certain things but on the whole they just wanted to get through homeschooling and on to their play.  

How did/does she feel about brick and mortar school?  It may be a good option for both of you.  In either case, take care of yourself and know you are a good mom not matter what you decide.

[Ellie]

 

 

I'd like to school at least long enough to catch her up but we found a private school that has small combined (K and 1st, 2nd and 3rd...) class sizes so she would get individual attention. Homeschooling is stressing me out and it seems that I am constantly trying to get her to engage beyond answering questions in a workbook. I'm afraid it is going to strain our relationship. 

 

For info purposes, she is 8 and has no known learning challenges or giftedness.

 

 

 

Perhaps you are pushing to hard to get her to "engage." Perhaps she really hates the workbooks. Why not do something that has no workbooks at all, like the Prairie Primer?

 

Perhaps you have filled her day with so many activities that she doesn't have time to be bored long enough so she can follow her own interests. Children want to learn. They *always* want to learn. They just don't always want to learn what we want them to, in the manner that we thing they should.

[Critterfixer]

What does your DH say? How does he feel about her learning?

I bring this up, because I've struggled with my own mental health before. One of the main lessons, and a hard one, that I had to learn, was that I had to take care of myself, and heal. The very last thing I needed to be doing was making major decisions, and under no circumstances should I make those on my own. I had to learn to enlist the people that loved me and could see more clearly than I. Particularly when I was in the middle of medication changes! 

 

As for your little one, she sound like a charming, very hands-on, building kind of a girl. I'm not a learning styles person in the slightest in that I'd go mad trying to tailor everything to suit a way of interacting that may or may not be correct, but it sounds to me as if giving her the option of acting out an answer, or making something rather than telling something, or building models, or drawing diagrams might be a way you could get away from workbooks. 

[ktgrok]

It is not so much what she says (other than the standard "I'm bored", it is what she does....stomping feet, rolling eyes, doodling on the page, not paying attention (causing me to have to repeat several times)

 

We have her interests pretty well covered. She chose US Geography, Chemistry, and Art Lab. Has soccer and dance once a week and explores industrial arts with her Dad on weekends. 

 

Outside of class she builds with legos (or any other material), tries to train our poodle to do tricks, bakes in the kitchen, and watches Gilligan's Island.

 

Our relationship is pretty good except that I am bipolar and generally stressed. I have just started medication and therapy so I am hoping to be better soon.

 

I feel like I'm stuck homeschooling because we won't send her back to public (calculators are standard issue starting in 1st and they use Everyday Math).  I don't know if we just haven't been at it long enough or if homeschooling simply won't work for our family. Thanks for your reply.

 

Ok, first of all, if you need to send her to school for health reasons of your own, do that. Period. 

 

If that is not the case, then I think maybe your expectations are too high. You expect her to be the kid that LOVES learning new things, wants to read and discover and blah blah blah. Some kids ARE like that. I was. Some kids are NOT like that. I did what you did, tried to make school "fun" and add all the extra stuff to make it more interesting. One day my son said, "Mom, I don't want school and fun mixed together. It doesn't make school more fun, it makes fun into school. I want school, and then fun, separate." It broke my heart a bit, I won't lie, but it was the truth. 

 

We dropped all the crazy project fun stuff, and switched to basic, get it done, check it off, workbook type stuff. The thing is, he can see how much he has to do, do it in a fairly short amount of time, and then explore his interests on his own, without me mucking about in it. He doesn't want a unit lesson around building tree houses. He wants to do his math and THEN go build a treehouse without me interfering. Knowing this, accepting it, made all the difference. 

 

I still use some "outside the box" stuff...we watch a lot of documentaries for history and science. But again, discrete start and end time, and then he can move on. 

 

I'd say try a more traditional school approach, accept that she won't love schoolwork, and be happy if she gets it done well. Then let her bake/do legos/play outside/read/etc. 

[jrstarfleetacademy]

First off I want to thank everyone for their responses. All the homeschool families (both traditional and unschooling) we know and spend time with have gifted youngsters that do all these amazing projects and have children that spend copious amounts of time reading and learning on their own. I guess I got caught up in the comparison since my child is so different. That is my mistake and probably what is causing me to put so much pressure on her.

 

I plan on testing this fall and only have placement tests as a basis for my conclusion that she is behind and, of course, the fact that she doesn't do any writing at all despite all my trying. She also says that she likes CLE Language Arts and Math after we have tried multiple curriculum in each subject so I'm not sure it is the curriculum. 

 

I didn't realize that there were homeschoolers that function on a no frills basic level. I'd like to take a more relaxed approach but can't be child led. She is so unmotivated that nothing would get done. Perhaps my problems stem from parenting issues rather than homeschooling ones.  :(  I'm just not good at it.

 

I'd like to continue homeschooling but not at the expense of our relationship. Perhaps we will take a break from schooling or pare it down while I get my therapy and medication in order. I think we will both be better for it. Homeschooling is more difficult and stressful than I ever imagined. Thanks again everyone, I appreciate all the responses. 

[AimeeM]

Not all children love learning anything/something academic; not all children love school. I really dislike that there are those who say all children *do* naturally love these things, and that if a child doesn't, it's obviously the parent's fault. Not all children want to learn - that's the honest, if unpopular, truth. Anybody who says otherwise isn't taking into account that children are individuals.

If your child is learning, and progressing, and learns best with textbooks, it works.

Is public school going to ignite some inner flame that you can't? I doubt it.

Don't get me wrong - there ARE valid reasons to send a child to school; if your relationship with your child is suffering, send her; if your child isn't progressing, send her.

[Ellie]

First off I want to thank everyone for their responses. All the homeschool families (both traditional and unschooling) we know and spend time with have gifted youngsters that do all these amazing projects and have children that spend copious amounts of time reading and learning on their own. I guess I got caught up in the comparison since my child is so different. That is my mistake and probably what is causing me to put so much pressure on her.

 

I plan on testing this fall and only have placement tests as a basis for my conclusion that she is behind and, of course, the fact that she doesn't do any writing at all despite all my trying. She also says that she likes CLE Language Arts and Math after we have tried multiple curriculum in each subject so I'm not sure it is the curriculum. 

 

I didn't realize that there were homeschoolers that function on a no frills basic level. I'd like to take a more relaxed approach but can't be child led. She is so unmotivated that nothing would get done. Perhaps my problems stem from parenting issues rather than homeschooling ones.  :(  I'm just not good at it.

 

I'd like to continue homeschooling but not at the expense of our relationship. Perhaps we will take a break from schooling or pare it down while I get my therapy and medication in order. I think we will both be better for it. Homeschooling is more difficult and stressful than I ever imagined. Thanks again everyone, I appreciate all the responses. 

 

:grouphug:

 

I think you're trying too hard. I think you haven't given her enough time to learn things on her own. I think you misunderstand what "motivated" means. I think possibly she's your first-born, and parents often push their first-borns, well, too hard.

 

Most 8yo children don't do much writing on their own. Some children will back away from doing something if they are pushed (adults also do that).

 

Placement tests are specific to a publisher. They are not an indication of what a child actually might know in that subject.

 

When you say that she is "unmotivated," what you actually mean is that you think she should joyfully and enthusiastically do the things you have planned for her. If she were given time on her own, or if you weren't pushing so hard for some response that fits your paradigm, you might see something different.

 

You have only been a parent for eight years. It takes way longer than that to be good at at. :-) Ditto with homeschooling. :-)

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

[Critterfixer]

I think one of the best things you can do is to take the time needed to take care of yourself.

Yes, homeschooling is hard. It can be rewarding, but it is difficult, and I know I question my choices on how to teach and what to teach more than I should. It's because I really, really, REALLY care about my boys, and how they are educated, how they learn to make choices, how they grow up. It's so much more than just whether to have them school at home vs elsewhere.

 

There are a lot of home-school families who are no-frills kind of teachers. Relaxed home-schooling isn't necessarily child led. And it takes time to find out where your ideal is, and even more time to find out where reality and your ideals collide. There is nothing like having expectations that don't seem to be met to make you question everything. Especially if you are like me and you tend to over-analyze everything!

[Clear Creek]

Not every child loves learning! I have one that will dutifully do what she is told, but without a lot of love for it; one that *loves* learning; and one that despises all things related to school...if life were just barbies and TV, she would be happy as can be. The best thing I can do for her is to require the basics every day; other than that, I don't ask for school-related projects or reading or anything, she would instantly begin to hate it, even if she loved the topic prior to it. She loves arts and crafts, and she loves science, but if I were to ask her to do a lapbook or even a drawing of something science-related, she would *hate* it. Like a previous poster said, she does not want her fun and her school mixed together, it doesn't work.

 

Look for her non school-related talents and interests and develop them...my daughter's is music and fashion design (back to the barbies :tongue_smilie: ). But don't turn them into school ;)

[Ellie]

Not every child loves learning! I have one that will dutifully do what she is told, but without a lot of love for it; one that *loves* learning; and one that despises all things related to school...if life were just barbies and TV, she would be happy as can be. The best thing I can do for her is to require the basics every day; other than that, I don't ask for school-related projects or reading or anything, she would instantly begin to hate it, even if she loved the topic prior to it. She loves arts and crafts, and she loves science, but if I were to ask her to do a lapbook or even a drawing of something science-related, she would *hate* it. Like a previous poster said, she does not want her fun and her school mixed together, it doesn't work.

 

Look for her non school-related talents and interests and develop them...my daughter's is music and fashion design (back to the barbies :tongue_smilie: ). But don't turn them into school ;)

 

I disagree. :-)

 

*All* children love to learn. However, they don't all love to do school. There is a difference. :-)

[elegantlion]

My son was never engaged in school at that age. He wanted to get it over in time to watch Deep Space Nine reruns in the afternoon. Honestly, I think those did more for his character development than forcing him to sit in the classroom for another hour or two.  :lol:

 

Another thing I had to work on was not making my stress his stress, if that makes sense. I worry too much and it took me biting my tongue a lot to ensure I didn't unload all my worries about his education on him. This board can be great for that.  

 

I have a family member and some friends that are bipolar.  :grouphug: Please take the time you need to care for yourself. 

 

 

[Nan in Mass]

Hugs! Lots of hugs!

Homeschooling is hard. Having a gifted child is like having a tiger by the tail. The amount of worry that comes with all those self motivated projects is huge. Having more ordinary children is nice. : ) Mine are more ordinary, and yet, they have done some extraordinary things. They didn't do them when they were 8. At 8, they were making cookies with Grammy and riding their bikes and building with Legos. For an ordinary child, this initial free time is really important. It is when they learn basic coordination and how the world works. You don't have to do anything but provide them with basic toys and tools and give them lots of time to play. Children who have this time come out competent and handy adults. Children who don,t turn out to be the up handy adults who are scary around stoves and saws and have to pay people to do the simplest of maintenance projects. A nongifted child won,t look like they are accomplishing much during this stage. Most projects remain uncompleted. They do simple things over and over again. Nothing much seems to be happening. If you continue to give them the time, tools, and materials to work on their own projects, continue to take them to the library to pick out books, continue to stay out of the way while they are reading and playing, they begin to figure things out, especially if someone like your husband is available to provide basic tool instruction and other "experts" are provided for other sorts of projects. When they are about 16, they begin to do some interesting things. They just don,t do them on a gifted child's time table. It is really hard not to look at what they are interested in and try to speed up the process. My children usually said that ruined their interest, though. It was tricky, helping them without making them without taking away their joy of accomplishment. Obviously, cooking projects went better with some instruction. Mostly,though,they needed free time. And I will add here that for my children, the advice to use their interests to teach them was terrible advice. Just because they were allowed to write about Legos did not mean they were any happier about having to write. Something small and steady that didn,t ruin anything they liked was the way to teach them to write. Mine all hated to write until they were almost through high school, but I made them do the basics anyway and now, in college, they are happy to be able to bang out a basic essay.

My school system used Chicago math when oldest went. He had holes extending int engineering school because of it. But...he did make it through engineering school. That math program is an excellent reason to homeschool. It isn't,t an excellent reason to ruin your relationship with your daughter. If you decide you just aren't,t cut out for homeschooling, it will be ok. I will say, though, that learning to homeschool takes a couple of years at least. All of us have tried approaches that didn,t work. Don,t listen to the myths of the perfect happy brilliant homeschool family. Most of us just sort of muddle through and hope we aren't,t messing up too badly. I suspect there is a reason I lived on Star Trek videos for years lol.

 

Nan

[Clear Creek]

I disagree. :-)

 

*All* children love to learn. However, they don't all love to do school. There is a difference. :-)

 

You are welcome to drive north 45 minutes and meet her if you don't believe me :) She really dislikes taking in new information in any way, shape, or form. She is highly creative, but she will fight instruction tooth and nail - she prefers to experiment on her own until she has something right, whether it is drawing, sewing, cooking, etc. If she can't come up with how to do something on her own, then she won't do it.

[AimeeM]

I disagree. :-)

 

*All* children love to learn. However, they don't all love to do school. There is a difference. :-)

 

Respectfully, you cannot possibly speak for every child, unless you assert that (contrary to what is known otherwise) children are not individuals with unique needs and personalities.

There certainly are children out there with no motivation in any specific direction. There are children who may be interested in something for a minute, but then decide they do not care about it, as soon as they realize it requires effort to move forward - they do not have the desire to learn; they find no enjoyment in the learning process, rather, they want it immediately or not at all.

[Ellie]

You are welcome to drive north 45 minutes and meet her if you don't believe me :) She really dislikes taking in new information in any way, shape, or form. She is highly creative, but she will fight instruction tooth and nail - she prefers to experiment on her own until she has something right, whether it is drawing, sewing, cooking, etc. If she can't come up with how to do something on her own, then she won't do it.

 

But she *does* want to learn. You have recognized the way she wants to learn. Sometimes she'll want to teach herself something and she'll fail, and put it away, but her mind will be pondering it, and she'll try it again later when she thinks she has figured it out. This might take multiple tries, over a period of many years.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You are welcome to drive north 45 minutes and meet her if you don't believe me :) She really dislikes taking in new information in any way, shape, or form. She is highly creative, but she will fight instruction tooth and nail - she prefers to experiment on her own until she has something right, whether it is drawing, sewing, cooking, etc. If she can't come up with how to do something on her own, then she won't do it.

 

You are validating Ellie's theory. :) Your child is a tenacious learner, a very gifted and talented learner -- who learns best on her own. She obviously loves to learn.

 

She might not be a fan of being schooled but she's a natural born learner, from what you say here.

 

[Laurel-in-CA]

Comparisons are odious. Comparing at-home to school is soooo tempting, but comparing an individual child to an abstract standard isn't all that helpful. Sort of like when the statisticians said that a woman over 30 had more chance of being hit by a car than getting happily married. (I am living proof that one's not true.)

 

Please try to focus on what your child *can* do, what she *will* do, what she *wants* to explore. Don't be disappointed with her in all these areas because she isn't a magically enthusiastic, perfect student. That's unrealistic for both of you...after all, you're not a magically enthusiastic perfect teacher/mom either.

 

Get healthy yourself. Take her to the library every week, read together, do stuff. Have a simple checklist for the schoolwork & once it's done, let her do whatever ... read, build, play, clean house, crochet, sing, dance. And give yourselves time....it's one of the great gifts of homeschooling, time to mature, time to try different paths, time to make mistakes and move past them.

[jrstarfleetacademy]

Respectfully, you cannot possibly speak for every child, unless you assert that (contrary to what is known otherwise) children are not individuals with unique needs and personalities.

There certainly are children out there with no motivation in any specific direction. There are children who may be interested in something for a minute, but then decide they do not care about it, as soon as they realize it requires effort to move forward - they do not have the desire to learn; they find no enjoyment in the learning process, rather, they want it immediately or not at all.

 

^^^That is my child.

[jrstarfleetacademy]

Thanks again to everyone!!! You are all so helpful and I'm lucky to have such wonderful support.

[SwallowTail]

^^^That is my child.

 

I have one of those too.  She wants to know everything and be able to do everything, at an expert level.  But she has zero tolerance for the fact that we all start at ground zero, fumble around, fail a lot, and work to learn and acquire knowledge and skill.

[Critterfixer]

One can love to learn and still have a great many character issues that get in the way. I know I do.

For instance, I'm daunted by the Plutarch I just bought. It's huge. It's old. It's full of these massive run on sentences that I'm going to have to wade through. It's going to take courage to get into it. It's not that I don't want to learn. It's just I'm afraid of the hard work, I keep wondering if I should make the time, and frankly, I'm a bit....lazy. 

I love to learn. I know I need to learn. But my habit of discipline isn't as good as it should be.

[elegantlion]

I have one of those too.  She wants to know everything and be able to do everything, at an expert level.  But she has zero tolerance for the fact that we all start at ground zero, fumble around, fail a lot, and work to learn and acquire knowledge and skill.

 

 

My son is like that with some things. I call it "jump in the deep end learning." It's kind of like educating a time Lord because you have no clue where you're going to start or end up in one day. He was watching calculus videos on his own while still trying to learn algebra. For some kids, there is value in letting the jump in that deep in for a while. Ds has to understand why something is important before he's willing to put forth the effort. I was/am a very linear learner, it's been an adjustment to educate him. We don't do every subject that way, but with some we've swam a little in the deep end, then slid back to the beginning. 

 

It's helped give him ownership of his education. 

[PachiSusan]

What she said. No need to type my own out.  Bolded is even MORE emphasized! 

 

So she doesn't love academics.  So what?   Maybe it's just not her thing.  Not knowing what her thing is at 8 sounds very typical to me. What was your expectation when it came to homeschooling?  Did you go to a convention workshop where someone told you that homeschooling would automatically make your child academically excellent and homeschooling would make her beg to learn more about everything?  I've been to those over the years-they're a scam. Most academics are not anything to get all excited about for most kids.  That's normal-even among homeschoolers.

 

Is she just a more subdued personality?  I'm one of those.  I always wondered why teachers and childcare workers always talked like everything they were teaching the kids was some great, fantastic thing.  It's math.  Meh. Some kids' books like Dr. Seuss, Dick and Jane, phonics readers, many children's book etc. are so painfully uninteresting that I thought many of my teachers were complete morons for going on and on like they were delightful.  They weren't. They used crazy enthusiastic voices and endless inappropriate terms like "Awesome!" and "Fantastic!" and "Excellent!" and "Amazing!" for the most routine, hum drum assignments.  I felt like my elementary education was a weird parallel of the Emperor's New Clothes where all these teachers were in a dither about how fascinating and interesting the things we were doing were when it was so obvious to me that there was little, if anything of interest. Was I the only one that noticed it?   Most of life is a quiet routine and peaks and valleys are the exception and not the rule. 

 

Some kids just don't see academics as exciting.  They just want to get done what they have to do and go on to do kid stuff. Later, usually in adulthood, people tend to develop interests and choose a course of independent study.  It's with adult perspective that they appreciate the difference between a high quality education and a mediocre one.  My oldest was convinced I was completely wasting her time with what she studied at home in her mid teens.  After a semester of college she realized how valuable it was.  Kids think like kids.  Adults think like adults.  Don't expect one from the other.

 

Don't turn yourself (or your wallet) inside out trying to get a sustained emotional reaction from her.  Decide what your academic goals are, which curriculum best meets those goals and work toward those goals diligently.  If you see trouble spots in a particular subject, look into different ways other people teach that information. 

 

Even when they are interested in one thing for a while, they're not going to be interested in other things.  My youngest (8) likes to hear SOTW read aloud. She doesn't mind narrations.  She hates copying her narration it for handwriting.  Some days she's more attentive than others.  I've had to read aloud the same section 3 times because she wasn't paying attention.  Oh well, there's a life lesson learned-if you don't do it right the first time, you have to spend more time doing it over.  Lunch will be late today because we have to do it again.  Sometimes she rushes through the handwriting ridiculously fast and it looks awful.  OK, fine.  She can do it again.  Bad job again?  Fine.  I've got all day.  Her record is 4 times redoing the same assignment until it was right.  Lunch was an hour late.  Life is full of consequences. If I got upset because a kid didn't want to do an assignment correctly, I'd be a mess.  Kids are kids.  They do stuff like that.

 

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

Neither of mine enjoyed much of doing school at 8.  

 

Also, reading might not be enjoyable if she was taught with sight words in school. To make reading more enjoyable, you have to train out the sight word habits with nonsense words.

 

My page "Why Johnny Doesn't Like to Read" explains why:

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/aliterate.html

 

Tests to figure out reading grade level are here, as well as the MWIA, if the phonetic words are read more than 15% slower than the holistic words or more than 1 word on either word is missed, you need phonics remediation with nonsense words.

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/readinggradeleve.html

 

Here is how to remediate, you can also use my free online phonics lessons supplemented with my phonics concentration game for extra nonsense words:

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/On%20Reading/howtotutor.html