What do you say/do when people "dis" your kid's major, or college, etc.

[Catherine]

Honestly, I could care less what people say about my kids' major. 

 

A few years back my neighbor, a wealthy business woman, said, "Well, how's he going to get rich doing THAT?" when I told her my son might want to study math and teach at the college level.  Sure, I guess if you've made it your life's work to be rich, the idea that someone else is actually choosing NOT to take that path is surprising, I suppose.  But I had no response for her that wouldn't have sounded, frankly, rude.  So I just ended the conversation.  But really, it's none of anyone's business and it takes BRASS to say something so rude and presumptuous!

[Gwen in VA]

And then, after disapproving of a kid's major, there's the disapproval of a kid dropping out of college!

 

I try to explain that my kid is successfully living (not pursuing but actually living) his dream. Instead of studying about X, he's doing X at a very high level. People just shake their heads and tell me that someday he will regret not having that degree.

 

Maybe he will. Some day is a long time, so it's possible that his opinion on the use of a college degree in his field will change, but right now he is 100% certain he made the right decision. His decision makes people incredibly uncomfortable!

 

I try to be polite about the choice of majors issue, but increasingly my response to the college dropout issue is, "It's his life. Please pass the bean dip!"

[katilac]

And then, after disapproving of a kid's major, there's the disapproval of a kid dropping out of college!

 

I try to explain that my kid is successfully living (not pursuing but actually living) his dream. Instead of studying about X, he's doing X at a very high level. People just shake their heads and tell me that someday he will regret not having that degree.

 

Maybe he will. Some day is a long time, so it's possible that his opinion on the use of a college degree in his field will change, but right now he is 100% certain he made the right decision. His decision makes people incredibly uncomfortable!

 

I try to be polite about the choice of majors issue, but increasingly my response to the college dropout issue is, "It's his life. Please pass the bean dip!"

 

It's not fair to say that and not tell us what he's doing! 

[Gwen in VA]

It's my son's story, not mine, so I need to leave that question unanswered!

 

 

[kiwik]

"He has always made good choices, even when we didn't agree with him. I trust that he is making the right choice now."

 

I have had this conversation twice this week.

I like this one.

[Starr]

People are so opinionated. I had a 17 year old tell me the other day that she has several ideas for post high school but hates to tell anyone. She gets responses telling her what is best for her. My dd is starting her MBA and she's so tired of people asking her why she'd ever want to do that. I think I should just start asking young adults what funny thing happened to them this week. :D

[OneStepAtATime]

Since this is a zombie thread anyone care to share updates?

[daijobu]

I am certainly not going to defend the reprehensible actions of your friends and relations who criticize your students' area of study.  (I had a relative criticize my then future husband for studying computer science because--according to her--it was a low-paying field, lol!)  

 

But this thread is timely to me in light of an email I received yesterday from a distant cousin who has just graduated college with a degree in communications.  He was asking for help in his job search.  My fist instinct was to tell him to go back to school and study computer science or some other technical field.  That would make my assistance in beginning his career a much happier endeavor (for me, that is!).   Of course, he might not be happy at all as a computer programmer, but it makes me sad to think of the odds against him at this point.  

[The Girls' Mom]

We've already gotten a lot of comments about Ks major of choice: German.  No one, especially here in rural TN, can fathom why in the world someone would want to major in German.  I just smile, say "she loves languages", smile some more.  Stare at them until they feel awkward, and then walk away..lol.  

 

Then I have the one that wants to be a forensic scientist.  More complete inability to understand why one would WANT to investigate crime scenes and dead bodies.  

[Jane in NC]

Update:  my archaeologist son has landed a great gig in Cultural Resource Management.  His employer pays for his hotel, provides transportation, and also gives a $40 daily food allowance.  He is living off his per diem and banking his paychecks (with loads of overtime), a great situation for a 23 year old who is thinking about grad school.  Opening a 401-K at age 22 and not having student loans should give him a solid foundation.

 

While I wish to respect his privacy, I will state for the naysayers that The Boy is earning more than the average salary of 2014 college grads. Not bad for a "hobby degree".

[creekland]

My Marine Bio guy has switched to a Theater/acting/film major having learned that he loves acting (and he's quite good at it).  The chances for decent paying jobs using his major are probably about the same, so just switch topics and all the rest that I've written still applies.

 

We want him to at least have a chance to see if he can succeed with something he loves.  If not, he'll never have to go through life always wondering what could have been AND he'll still be able to check the box that asks if he has a 4 year degree.

 

It took a little adjustment to college (overall), but he loves it now.  It's all still worth it for us.  The young man who returned home to us for break is still wonderful to be around.

[FaithManor]

Update:  my archaeologist son has landed a great gig in Cultural Resource Management.  His employer pays for his hotel, provides transportation, and also gives a $40 daily food allowance.  He is living off his per diem and banking his paychecks (with loads of overtime), a great situation for a 23 year old who is thinking about grad school.  Opening a 401-K at age 22 and not having student loans should give him a solid foundation.

 

While I wish to respect his privacy, I will state for the naysayers that The Boy is earning more than the average salary of 2014 college grads. Not bad for a "hobby degree".

WOOT!

 

I think many times, the main part of the equation is the young adult's own ingenuity and motivation to crave our their career and not just hope for it to land in their lap.

 

I keep reminding my soon to be college freshman of that.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I forgot about this thread. I have an update:

 

#1 son is going to a local private university in the fall -- he will be pursuing Religious Studies as the first step on his long path to becoming a healthcare chaplain. The next step would be seminary. This all circles back to what he thought he wanted at age 16. He's confident and happy about his plan.

 

(#2 son, who has also talked about skilled trades as his favorite option, is now studying harder than he's ever studied in his life because he thinks he wants to be a biomedical engineer!)

 

As always, as is true for anyone raising a houseful of young adults, watch this space.

[Jane in NC]

WOOT!

 

I think many times, the main part of the equation is the young adult's own ingenuity and motivation to crave our their career and not just hope for it to land in their lap.

 

I keep reminding my soon to be college freshman of that.

 

Perhaps those adults who dis our kids' ideas believe that they are being helpful.  What is helpful is to talk to our kids about where they want to go in life and what steps they believe are needed to achieve each marker on the way to their end goal.

 

My son has not been clear on what he would want to study in grad school.  Yes, he knows it will be archaeology but he does not know the subfield that he would like as a specialty.  Being a practical young man, he decided that he would rather gain work experience while figuring out his grad school goals.

 

Thus he determined that kind of jobs for which a BS in Archaeology qualifies him.  Minimal requirements were not good enough so he worked on boosting his CV with direct experiences in the summer months.  He networked. 

 

One holiday when he was home, he got together with some local kids whom he has known forever. One complained that "no one told him" that he needed to do an internship.  What did he want to do with his life?  He did not know.  He honestly acted as though a degree is a magic bullet and could not figure out why he did not have a job outside of retail. 

 

There can be more complexity and nuance to determining and achieving end goals than some younger minds can grasp but I believe that we can help set them on the path and keep their optimism flowing.

[Jenny in Florida]

Here's my update:

 

My daughter with the useless theatre degree is coming up on the end of her first year living in New York City as a self-supporting adult. In addition to her primary day job, she is in demand as a costumed character performer. In the last year, she's done several gigs for PBS and last month performed at the White House Easter event. The money she makes with the day job and performance gigs allows her to pay her living expenses and the tuition for her acting classes. The program is selective, and students have to be invited to return for the second year. She has been told that she is at the top of her class.

 

Not bad for 20 years old.

 

[LisaKinVA]

I feel the pain...I double majored in Political Science and Communications.  I had a job offer before I ever finished college (which I accepted...but the job fell through due to an election, causing the person who had hired me to become unemployed). BUT, I had several people (adults and peers) jeer at my major. They sang a different tune when at the 3 year mark, I was making more than they were (at which point, I should have marched myself off to grad school).

 

About the only thing I tell my kids, is that if they want a major that may have a difficult employment path (or a strange one), that they cannot get into more debt than they would for a cheap new car (about $20k), and that they should carefully think about their minor -- or if they should double major in something else -- unless they have other skills they might use to supplement income.

 

PonyGirl is thus far the only one this would apply to, and she is taking/learning culinary arts and graphic design courses on the side (she loves studio art).  I am working with her to help her learn the business side of culinary arts, because those skills are handy no matter what.  BUT, I have no idea what she'll major in.  Her other love is Marine Science (so in order, Art, Marine Science and then Math)

 

The other three are no where near a level academically or are mature enough to have really developed a passion. 

[Penguin]

A few posts upthread brought up young adults who are surprised down the road that internships are a good idea or that a particular major might present marketability challenges.

 

I don't know about you, but I know young adults who get good advice but don't take it. It isn't always about lacking good input.

[The Girls' Mom]

A few posts upthread brought up young adults who are surprised down the road that internships are a good idea or that a particular major might present marketability challenges.

 

I don't know about you, but I know young adults who get good advice but don't take it. It isn't always about lacking good input.

 

This is very true.  I have a young adult in my life that would lead you to believe that no one ever told her anything about college/career/life when talking to her.  This is very much not the case.  I've never been able to decide if she does it intentionally or just dumps anything she hears that she thinks doesn't immediately apply to her.

[FaithManor]

WOOT!

 

I think many times, the main part of the equation is the young adult's own ingenuity and motivation to crave our their career and not just hope for it to land in their lap.

 

I keep reminding my soon to be college freshman of that.

Oh good gravy! Crave out a career! Ha-ha....cArve out a career. :scared:

[raptor_dad]

We've already gotten a lot of comments about Ks major of choice: German.  No one, especially here in rural TN, can fathom why in the world someone would want to major in German.  I just smile, say "she loves languages", smile some more.  Stare at them until they feel awkward, and then walk away..lol.  

 

Then I have the one that wants to be a forensic scientist.  More complete inability to understand why one would WANT to investigate crime scenes and dead bodies.  

 

Wow! With the "Body Farm" at UTK and all  the Jefferson Bass novels, I thought that might be easier.  

 

[Woodland Mist Academy]

Wow! With the "Body Farm" at UTK and all the Jefferson Bass novels, I thought that might be easier.

 

 

Not in our experience.

[Michelle_NC]

My canned response is  "We were a little concerned too, but you wouldn't believe the opportunities out there.  It's been eye-opening."  If they press further then I list a few that fall outside the typical range of answers to connect the dots for them.

 

Honestly - I'm used to it after defending homeschooling for so long.

 

 

 

[Susan in TN]

We've already gotten a lot of comments about Ks major of choice: German. No one, especially here in rural TN, can fathom why in the world someone would want to major in German. I just smile, say "she loves languages", smile some more. Stare at them until they feel awkward, and then walk away..lol.

 

Uh, can you say Volkswagon? BMW? Audi? Birkenstock? Lufthansa? Miele, Merck, Melitta... And don't forget Wagner operas :D.

[vonfirmath]

My FIL threw a hissy when my dh decided to major in computer science. He said that sounded like a fake useless degree. This was in the 90's. (dh went to college in 1989, but didn't chose that major until later). FIL went so far as to cut dh off financially if he majored in that because it was such a crazy, flighty degree.

 

Really? Quite odd. I graduated HS in 91 and went to school with double major in Computer Science and Engineering.  The computer science was a highly prized degree and I had no one question my decision. IT was THE up and coming career at the time.

[Mom22ns]

Creekland, that is a spot-on and amazingly helpful sample dialogue! This looks very similar to the conversation I have had this past weekend, only not with as much wisdom from "my" side, and the subject being English/creative Writing, not Marine Biology.

 

I just wanted to say thanks for asking the question. Ds is majoring in English/Creative Writing too and I would not be at all surprised to get a few rude comments along the way. It hasn't happened with anyone yet, but I appreciate the opportunity to read the advice and have some strategies in mind.