WWYD--dd spending her money

[Aura]

My dd REALLY wants to go to the Season 10 SUPERNATURAL convention in Minneapolis next year. It lines up perfectly for her 16th birthday. I would love to take her, but she would have to cover a good portion of the cost herself.

 

She's supposed to start a job this fall, so she will likely have earned enough money to cover all costs! BUT I told her she needs to save 75% of her income for college related expenses. She's scheduled to graduate high school in 2016. She will still be 16 when this happens.

 

On one hand, I can see this being a once in a lifetime event. Even if another convention comes around, at that point, she probably wouldn't be going with me, and we've never done a mother-daughter trip except for a couple visits to family. So I would love to do this for her.

 

OTOH, we don't have a lot of money to put toward her college either.

 

Would you make an exception for something like this?

[MeghanL]

Could you make a deal where she can save all but the costs for the convention for college? That way she can still go on her trip? Also, I'm assuming she'll still have 2+ years after she turns 16 to continue saving for college?

[Wilma]

I wonder if there's some other way y'all can earn the money for you two to go? Do you have stuff you could sell on Craigslist? Could you forgo eating out? Cancel the cable for that time? Obviously I have no idea about your budget or spending habits, but in your shoes I'd try to stick with the agreed upon savings rate and work together to make the trip happen some other way.

[Rebel Yell]

Why the magic number of 75%? Does she also tithe or give to charity?  If she gives 10% that only leaves her with 15% for "fun." 

 

Cans she work extra hours to save for the event?  Can she just put aside the expenses for the event and then save for college?  If she pays for this event, how far back will it set her in her college fund? What are the benefits of the convention? How much scholarship/financial aid/grad party gifts can she count on?

 

Diamond is planning on an expensive (for her/us) trip this summer, but it will directly benefit her in her future career plans. It will wipe out her savings, and be worth every penny.  But Diamond also has enough grants and work-study plus her part-time job to fully pay for classes next semester so for her, it;s worth it.  We have zero dollars to help her with beyond living at home, packing lunches, and use of the car. She would not find it worthwhile to pay $40 to go tot he amusement park with friends-so she knows where her money is best spent.

[QueenCat]

I'd let her save enough to go on the trip, and still have some leftover for everyday spending. 75% towards long term savings is a lot at that age. At our house, while in high school, it's 10% towards church/charity (child's choice), 40% towards long term savings (car/college/moving out expenses), and the rest (40%) for "now" (going out with friends, fun trips/activities that aren't part of traveling with parents, data part of phone bill, car insurance, gas $).

[bettyandbob]

I vote for letting her use most/all of her initial earnings toward the trip. You will not regret having a special mother/daughter trip before she graduates.

 

She can get down to the business of saving after the trip. I don't put a requirement of how much to save on my dd (she's a natural saver), but if I needed too encourage her I think I'd put the amount a little lower (50%?)

 

Will she do a gap year after graduation or is her plan to start college at 16?

[Word Nerd]

It seems like a young adult should have more say in how she spends her money and how much she saves for college. Yes, it's important to save, but I'm not sure I agree that you as the parent should solely determine that.

[QueenCat]

It seems like a young adult should have more say in how she spends her money and how much she saves for college. Yes, it's important to save, but I'm not sure I agree that you as the parent should solely determine that.

 

:iagree: The percentages I gave above for our house were mutually discussed, and determined together. And change as the needs of the child change.

[poppy]

Let her go.

Don't tell her the truth which is that Supernatural will be having conventions for the next 15 years and will be a lot cheaper later!

[datgh]

Sometimes life is to short.  Your daughter will be gone before you know it and what a special time you could have with her.  I would let her save for college and the trip.  At times like this my dh will say something to the effect of what is a few hundred dollars over a lifetime vs. the memories that could be made.  Life is all about choices.

[Muttichen]

It seems like a young adult should have more say in how she spends her money and how much she saves for college. Yes, it's important to save, but I'm not sure I agree that you as the parent should solely determine that.

 

I agree!  We tell our kids that in college, they are responsible for books, travel back and forth, and spending money.  We don't tell them how much they need to save, how much they can spend, etc.  They have all had nice paid internships so they've been able to spend pretty freely and still have a nice nest egg when they leave for school.

[Aura]

Can I just say I hate posting on my iPod? I've lost three posts just today.

[Spryte]

Go.  :)  Enjoy some time together.  She won't be 16 again.  

 

 

 

 

 

And... Take me, take me, take me, oh take me please, please, please!!!!!!

 

:leaving:

[Aura]

Trying AGAIN to reply....

 

Dd will be earning $100 each week as a mothers helper to another homeschooling mom. So extra hours really aren't an option. 75% isn't carved into stone, but even at that and 10% to tithe (which isn't mandatory IMO but her dad highly encourages it) that leaves $15 a week to a girl with really no expenses of her own.

 

Now, I could add things for her to take care of with this job, like part of her clothes, toiletries, etc. But this is also the girl who wants to go to college out of state and also travel to London as possibly part of college. So, we figured that most of her money should go toward saving toward her doing what she wants for college, instead of settling for the U. in town.

 

All that just to give you a big more perspective, esp WRT to the $$. I'm really enjoying your thoughts. I just can't reply easily to all them while I'm on my iPod.

[Aura]

I agree that at 14/15 young adults should have a say in what happens to money they earn...a huge say! But they still need guidance, and dd agreed that saving money toward college-related expenses was a good idea.

 

THEN she found out about the conv. I'm not saying she shouldn't (or should) use her money toward it. Just that, as her mom, I want to be careful that she doesn't lose sight of the bigger picture and goals/dreams she has for herself.

 

And I'm not the best at money management, either, which is why I was looking for perspective...which y'all are wonderfully providing!

 

I am leaning more and more toward this. I would cover all expenses if I could! But I don't think that will be possible.

[JustEm]

I agree that at 14/15 young adults should have a say in what happens to money they earn...a huge say! But they still need guidance, and dd agreed that saving money toward college-related expenses was a good idea.

 

THEN she found out about the conv. I'm not saying she shouldn't (or should) use her money toward it. Just that, as her mom, I want to be careful that she doesn't lose sight of the bigger picture and goals/dreams she has for herself.

 

And I'm not the best at money management, either, which is why I was looking for perspective...which y'all are wonderfully providing!

 

I am leaning more and more toward this. I would cover all expenses if I could! But I don't think that will be possible.

I would sit her down and have a serious discussion about her long term goals and how this conference plays a part in it.  Is she willing to wait longer on her goals in order to have an enjoyable weekend with her mom? Having money for fun stuff is important but impulse spending, which this is, can be a slippery slope.  Learning how to effectively plan these type of expenses along side of your goals is an important skill to learn.  Putting 75% away for her goals may be too much if she doesn't have enough fun money but impulsively spending her money on a conference is just as bad as saving too much.

 

Help guide her to find a healthy balance between saving for goals and spending for fun.  Going to the conference is probably not in that balance unless she can find a way to earn more money.

[Elisabet1]

There will always be some amazing, once in a life time event, that a child, or adult even, wants to attend. My son just wanted to attend a concert in Dallas and it had to be said no. He is in college. 

 

I do not think the Season 10 Supernatural convention is a once in a lifetime event. What happened with seasons 1-9? And what will happen next season? Plus, there are tons and tons of Sci Fi events. In the grand scheme of things, this really is just another sci fi convention. While those are tempting and oh so fun, if you do not want her to spend the money, don't feel guilty. She would have more fun doing this as an adult eventually anyway. 

 

If you are actually fine with her going and spending her money that way, then fine. But if not, then do not feel guilty about saying no. This is really not a once in a life time event. Good luck! Mommy guilt is no fun!

[bettyandbob]

On one hand, I can see this being a once in a lifetime event. Even if another convention comes around, at that point, she probably wouldn't be going with me, and we've never done a mother-daughter trip except for a couple visits to family. So I would love to do this for her.

 

This is the part that makes it once in a lifetime to me.

 

To me it's not about the convention or a concert or any other entertainment event. If you can share a trip focused on dd's current interests while dd is still part of your household, then the extra memories that go into your bond could easily out weigh the few hundred dollars spent.

 

I wouldn't encourage her going as strongly if she was going on her own or with friends.

[elegantlion]

Sometimes you just need to attend a "once in a lifetime" event. Supernatural is probably going to be around for another season - which I've heard hinted could be the last, but this is the height of popularity - it's fun. I think a teen deserves to do something fun once in a while. 

 

If she's earned the money, she should have the choice to use it. If this is not a pattern of "Oh, I need this..." and she is in fact saving, then I would let her go. Heck, I'd go with her. I hear those events are great fun. 

 

 

The reality is there may not always be another option to have an experience like that. It's not just about the fun, it's about sharing an experience that may be an important part of other people's lives too. I put off a lot of those experiences for practicality as a teen and young adult. I regret the things I didn't do more than the things I did. She's not buying a blouse or a pair of jeans that won't add any value to her life. This is an experience and I think those count in life too. 

 

~ says the woman who wore her Supernatural demon-warding shirt on Monday, drives an Impala, and cranks "Carry on my Wayward Son" in my car. 

[Amy in NH]

I would sit her down and have a serious discussion about her long term goals and how this conference plays a part in it.  Is she willing to wait longer on her goals in order to have an enjoyable weekend with her mom? Having money for fun stuff is important but impulse spending, which this is, can be a slippery slope.  Learning how to effectively plan these type of expenses along side of your goals is an important skill to learn.  Putting 75% away for her goals may be too much if she doesn't have enough fun money but impulsively spending her money on a conference is just as bad as saving too much.

 

Help guide her to find a healthy balance between saving for goals and spending for fun.  Going to the conference is probably not in that balance unless she can find a way to earn more money.

 

I disagree about this being impulse spending.  The event is a year away, and she will save for it.  It's not like she's making a spontaneous and impulsive decision. 

 

While I agree that working and saving toward one's goals is important, so is living a little along the way.  Sticking rigidly to a very long term plan is the best way to burn out on that plan.  People and their goals grow and evolve, and who knows if she will even end up with the degree that is her current goal.  But in the meantime she needs live in the moment some.

 

OP, others are right that you won't have too many more chances for special memory making before your dd is grown and gone.  Take advantage while you can and try to help out a bit with the expenses of the trip by saving half yourself...

[QueenCat]

It is important to learn about saving and having long term goals. It is also important to know that it is GOOD to occasionally do something spontaneous and frivolous.

[Kevin'sMom]

I would consider it money well spent. You won't remember the expenditure in a few years, and you will have made it up some way, but the memories for her will be priceless.

 

[Joanne]

I agree that at 14/15 young adults should have a say in what happens to money they earn...a huge say! But they still need guidance, and dd agreed that saving money toward college-related expenses was a good idea.

 

THEN she found out about the conv. I'm not saying she shouldn't (or should) use her money toward it. Just that, as her mom, I want to be careful that she doesn't lose sight of the bigger picture and goals/dreams she has for herself.

 

And I'm not the best at money management, either, which is why I was looking for perspective...which y'all are wonderfully providing!

 

I am leaning more and more toward this. I would cover all expenses if I could! But I don't think that will be possible.

 

Remember this isn't strictly a money management decision. It is also a decision with regard to developmental stages and parenting.

 

I think imposing a 75% savings for college expectation on a teen is too much, and does not give them enough say in terms of their money and recreation.

[Aura]

Thanks y'all! Lots of great thoughts!!

 

I'm babysitting for a friend today, and the kids are all sleeping and I have nothing better to do than sit here, read WTM posts and watch Supernatural reruns. ;) but my dd has been texting me all morning about the convention. She's busy trying to figure out how much it will all cost.

 

She says she got it all figured and there's a paper on my bed with all the info. :D

 

(Oh, and for other Supernatural fans, she sent me a gif where Jared Padaleki (sp?!) says that next weeks finale is better than any of the previous seasons! The last five seconds "change the landscape."

 

And Jensen's been quoted as saying, when he read the script for the finale, "Oh wow. Oh wow. They went there!")

 

BTW, I left HER, not her older brother, in charge of her siblings while I'm gone all. day. And this isn't the first time she's had to do something like that. She is very responsible and dependable. So while this isn't about whether or not she's earned it or deserves it, she really has!

[poppy]

My apologies to all the Supernatural fans, but isn't this show geared towards younger adults? I watched a couple seasons years ago, and it really seems that a teen would have lots of fun at the convention. And Elisabet, not all SciFi conventions are the same. My son would love to go to the big convention for Transformers, but cares nothing for Supernatural or the Star Trek ones.

Go on the trip with your daughter. Make some memories.

 

Lots of adults like that show - I'm not a fan personally but I know a lot of very smart adults who watch it.  But watching very cute boys solve mysteries as an adult is very different from watching as a young teen.  Most adults who are in various 'fandoms' today have a lifelong love of their first, right?  I guess my point is, yes, Supernatural will be a convention staple forever. But she won't be a teenaged fan forever.  It's a special moment in her life, let her indulge it.

 

I love that she wants to spend the money on an experience, on making memories... not a material item.

[JustEm]

I disagree about this being impulse spending.  The event is a year away, and she will save for it.  It's not like she's making a spontaneous and impulsive decision. 

 

While I agree that working and saving toward one's goals is important, so is living a little along the way.  Sticking rigidly to a very long term plan is the best way to burn out on that plan.  People and their goals grow and evolve, and who knows if she will even end up with the degree that is her current goal.  But in the meantime she needs live in the moment some.

 

OP, others are right that you won't have too many more chances for special memory making before your dd is grown and gone.  Take advantage while you can and try to help out a bit with the expenses of the trip by saving half yourself...

But it is impulse spending if it is an unrealistic expense that significantly derails her from her savings goals.  While I don't believe putting 75% away for her long term goals is realistic I also don't think spending the majority of it on a convention is either and thats when it becomes impulse spending.  If she can realistically balance her entertainment budget and your savings goals and this convention fits into that then its not an impulse.  

[Aura]

Lots of adults like that show - I'm not a fan personally but I know a lot of very smart adults who watch it. But watching very cute boys solve mysteries as an adult is very different from watching as a young teen. Most adults who are in various 'fandoms' today have a lifelong love of their first, right? I guess my point is, yes, Supernatural will be a convention staple forever. But she won't be a teenaged fan forever. It's a special moment in her life, let her indulge it.

 

I love that she wants to spend the money on an experience, on making memories... not a material item.

Yeah, my sisters and I are definitely SPN fans, though we're no where NEAR the level of fan as our dds. And yeah, I DO have a soft spot for my first fandoms. And some of my happiest moments as a teen centered around these fandoms.

 

I would love for dd to have memories like that, esp one that included Mom, ya know?

 

Y'all are talking me more and more into this! :p

[Ottakee]

What if she tithes 10%, has 15% for free spending money, saves 25% for the convention expenses, and then saves 50% for college expenses?  That seems like it would be quite balanced and still let her save for something she really wants to do. I  agree with the others, sometimes you just do the once in a lifetime memory building things.........esp. if she wants you to go along with her.

[Amy in NH]

But it is impulse spending if it is an unrealistic expense that significantly derails her from her savings goals.  While I don't believe putting 75% away for her long term goals is realistic I also don't think spending the majority of it on a convention is either and thats when it becomes impulse spending.  If she can realistically balance her entertainment budget and your savings goals and this convention fits into that then its not an impulse.  

 

From BusinessDictionary.com: Definition of impulse buying: Spur of the moment, unplanned decision to buy, made just before a purchase.

[elegantlion]

Did she see this photo from facebook today? Supernatural, Arrow, and Vampire Diaries. 

 

 

Is my fangirl showing? ;)

[Aura]

Did she see this photo from facebook today? Supernatural, Arrow, and Vampire Diaries. 

 

 

Is my fangirl showing? ;)

 

YES!! She JUST showed it to me a few minutes ago! LOL And she is majorly freaking out about the finale next week. That's all she's talked about since I got home.

 

I don't mind. I'm a bit of fangirl myself.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Hell yes I would make an exception for a Supernatural Convention!

She sounds like a responsible young lady and everyone needs something special every once in a while.

[magic]

I am wondering if you could let extended family know about this and see if they can pitch in as her Christmas and/or birthday gift.  We knew that our son really wanted to attend Comic Con in Denver this June.  One of my husband's brothers gave our family a gift card for Marriott- knowing that we could use it towards hotel costs when attending Comic Con.  My in-law's bought his three day admission ticket as his 16th birthday present- this really surprised him.  Comic Con will be over Father's Day weekend so we are making it a family weekend.  My daughter and I will be shopping and my husband and sons will attend Comic Con one day.  The other days our son will have the opportunity to enjoy Comic Con on his own or with friends.  Once we told family that he really wanted to do this, they were great about giving presents that would go toward it.  One SIL picked up a gift card to go towards a nice dinner for our family while another gave us discount cards to restaurants.  Our son has received $5-$10 here and there for birthday, Christmas, Easter, etc. that has been earmarked towards Comic Con and he is really excited about it.  This son does have a job and is very good about saving money.  We wanted to give him a special weekend that he will always remember and I am sure he will.

[Aura]

I am wondering if you could let extended family know about this and see if they can pitch in as her Christmas and/or birthday gift.  We knew that our son really wanted to attend Comic Con in Denver this June.  One of my husband's brothers gave our family a gift card for Marriott- knowing that we could use it towards hotel costs when attending Comic Con.  My in-law's bought his three day admission ticket as his 16th birthday present- this really surprised him.  Comic Con will be over Father's Day weekend so we are making it a family weekend.  My daughter and I will be shopping and my husband and sons will attend Comic Con one day.  The other days our son will have the opportunity to enjoy Comic Con on his own or with friends.  Once we told family that he really wanted to do this, they were great about giving presents that would go toward it.  One SIL picked up a gift card to go towards a nice dinner for our family while another gave us discount cards to restaurants.  Our son has received $5-$10 here and there for birthday, Christmas, Easter, etc. that has been earmarked towards Comic Con and he is really excited about it.  This son does have a job and is very good about saving money.  We wanted to give him a special weekend that he will always remember and I am sure he will.

 

Yes, we will probably do this. I already told her that in order to afford it, I'd have to be able to put the money I normally put towards her birthday and Christmas gifts toward the trip. She was perfectly fine with that! And yes, we've done something similar for our ds, and our extended family were great about that, so I'd expect they'd be great about helping dd go to the convention.

 

Between gifts and her job and the money I could probably save between now and then, I think we could swing it and still only spend less than half of the money she'd be earning between now and then. So, right now, I'm waiting for my dh to adjust to the sticker shock of spending that much money for an event. ;) And making sure that we can absolutely do this, because this is going to require upfront payment without the chance for refunds!

[TechWife]

I'll offer another perspective, here. Sometimes there are things we'd like to do, but don't get to do. In other words, there may be several "never in my l lifetime" events. 

 

From my perspective, affordability plays into whether something is a once in a lifetime event. If I can't afford it, it isn't a once in a lifetime event. We have passed up the opportunity to travel with my husband numerous times because of finances - he goest to some very interesting places on business. I don't consider that we have really missed anything. Sure, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to spend a week in China with him, but in reality, it wasn't an opportunity at all because it just isn't feasible for us at this point. Who knows, maybe in 5 or 10 years we'll be able to do it, but I don't worry about it. 

 

There are so many ways to make mother-daughter memories without stretching yourself too thin financially - this conference isn't the only one that will come along.