Should I say something- child obsessed with death

[Jasperstone]

My Christian friend's daughter seems to be obsessed with death!

 

At a church meeting last night she drew what looked like a dead girl's corpse with a tomb in the background with the words RIP. She drew something similar last week.

 

She also loves zombie books and horror movies. So obviously her mother allows it.

 

My daughter who is eleven said she talks about how cool dying is! And the girl already has planned where she would like to die- in the ocean.

 

So what would you do, or say to the mother? I know she has had a gut full of Christians in the past judging her etc... So I have to be very, very careful that it doesn't come across badly.

 

One part of me thinks to stay out of it, as she has to already know-she sees the pictures and hears the talking etc... And if its okay with her then its not my business. But another side thinks maybe she is desensitized to it, as my daughter said she drew herself with her head chopped off. That picture was done a few years ago- so its not a new thing! And now the mother might not see the issue as clearly, as its been going on awhile???

 

 

 

Any advice? What you say, or do?

Thanx!

[Ottakee]

I might try to cautiously approach the mother and just let her know what you saw and what your dd said.  The mom might not be aware.  Sadly it is so easy now with electronics for kids to read books, watch TV shows and movies, youtube clips, etc. without the parents knowing.

[Jasperstone]

Yeah, that's true, but unfortunately her mother does know, as when we were over her place the girl brought out her book to show me, and her mother said to the girl- put it away, its so demonic. She also said to her daughter- that I wouldn't approve of that type of book.

 

So it looks like while she doesn't approve either, she allows her ten year old to make her own decisions.

 

So really its not my business, is it?

[bolt.]

I don't think this is terribly worrisome behaviour in a child. They often go into dark-ish topics and "play out" (imagine through) the things they'd like to understand better.

 

Plus, you can't get through a Christan church service most Sundays without hearing or singing about death at least once, so, it's a relevant topic to the situation.

 

I'd only mention it if I thought the parent/s were completely unaware. Otherwise, I'd assume they had a handle on this particular manifestation of childishness... Which would usually be to answer direct questions, while allowing but not exactly encouraging the imagination / play / drawing scenarios.

[Jasperstone]

Thanks Sadie. She doesn't seem to be. But I haven't spent much time with her to know.

[scrapbookbuzz]

How old is this child? My stepbrother drew some really dark stuff when he was in high school but he is now a productive member

of society and there's nothing macabre about him. It may only seem like an obsession because other people you and I know, who have creative imaginations and like to draw, don't normally focus on that.  I don't know that I would be too concerned over it. Yes, it's different and weird but so is being a truly devoted follower of Jesus Christ, for that matter!

 

Instead of telling the mom your concerns, ask her questions. Maybe like, "I've noticed your daughter is quite talented and focuses it uniquely. How long has she been fascinated with death?"  And go from there. 

 

So few people are even willing to talk about dying and death, especially adults to their children, that maybe she's just trying to process her thoughts on it.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. But keeping her in your prayers is always a good idea!

[Jasperstone]

Thanks Bolt.

 

Im on my phone so hard to reply with quotes.

[Jasperstone]

Yes, it's different and weird but so is being a truly devoted follower of Jesus Christ, for that matter!

-------------

 

She is ten years old.

 

I don't think its weird to be a true follower of Jesus Christ. Please keep those opinions to yourself, as that's offensive to those of us that are.

 

Please go back to the topic. Thanx!

[mrbmom77]

Yes, it's different and weird but so is being a truly devoted follower of Jesus Christ, for that matter!

-------------

 

She is ten years old.

 

I don't think its weird to be a true follower of Jesus Christ. Please keep those opinions to yourself, as that's offensive to those of us that are.

 

Please go back to the topic. Thanx!

I may be wrong, but I believe scrapbookbuzz is a Christian. This was a little harsh.

 

As for the topic, if her mom is aware, then it's really no one else's business. (Barring abuse, suicidal intent, etc., of course.)

[Ipsey]

Yes, it's different and weird but so is being a truly devoted follower of Jesus Christ, for that matter!

-------------

 

She is ten years old.

 

I don't think its weird to be a true follower of Jesus Christ. Please keep those opinions to yourself, as that's offensive to those of us that are.

 

Please go back to the topic. Thanx!

 

Scrapbookbuzz is a Christian, although she may not be according to your beliefs.

She was trying to say that being a devoted Christian is something special and odd in the world.

I don't think she meant to offend you.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Since the child brought the book out in front of her mother, the mother obviously knows about it and what is in it.  It is absolutely none of your business how they handle it.  

[J-rap]

It sounds like it's been going on for quite awhile and the mother knows about it.  As long as she isn't hurting anybody (or herself), I think there is nothing more you can do.  It is strange though, and strange that the mother would let it continue.

[Joker]

My youngest doesn't talk about death and how she wants to die (as far as I know) but she does have many dark sketches. Those sketches have places in her room along with crosses she has made with palms and sketches she has made about loving Christ. She is an artist and sometimes she thinks about dark things and ideas. It bothered me at first but then I realized it is just one of her many creative outlets. I wouldn't say anything unless you really thought she was depressed or troubled. If someone mentioned my dd's sketches to me, I would talk to her to make sure I'm not missing something but I wouldn't ask her to stop. She does the dark and depressing pictures but I also see the bright and beautiful (and you don't really know all that her family sees). They are all rather amazing to me.

[Jasperstone]

Scrapbookbuzz is a Chreistian, although she may not be according to your beliefs.

She was trying to say that being a devoted Christian is something special and odd in the world.

I don't think she meant to offend you.

I'm so sorry, I thought she was having a go about being a follower of Christ.

 

I'm only new, so don't know you ladies yet. Sorry that what I said was harsh, but I was taken aback with that comment, thinking it came from a non believer etc...

[Ipsey]

I'm so sorry, I thought she was having a go about being a follower of Christ.

 

I'm only new, so don't know you ladies yet. Sorry that what I said was harsh, but I was taken aback with that comment, thinking it came from a non believer etc...

 

You just might want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Also, many, if not most, people here are Christians.

[Alice]

 

My daughter who is eleven said she talks about how cool dying is! And the girl already has planned where she would like to die- in the ocean.

 

 

 

This would worry me and I'd mention it to her mother. It could be just a dramatic 10 year old or it could be something more. I think "planning" where she wants to die is potentially worrisome. Maybe it's innocent, maybe your daughter misconstrued the conversation, or maybe it's something more. 

 

I'd leave out all the other stuff (the drawings, books, etc) and any religious discussion. I'd just say "X told me that Y has been talking to her about death and that she thinks about how she would like to die. I didn't know if you knew about it and I thought if you didn't you should." If the Mom says she does know and isn't concerned I'd drop it. But I could easily see that the Mom knows about the horror books and such but doesn't know about those lines of thought. If nothing else, maybe it's time for her to have a conversation with her daughter. 

 

I think you can tell her in a way that's not judgmental. It may be uncomfortable but if she's a good friend you guys will get past it. I have a friend who I had to have an uncomfortable conversation with because of something my son told me had happened at her house (her older son playing with a gun around the two younger boys). It turned out my son was mistaken and it was a realistic looking toy gun (he was much younger then) but I wouldn't have been a responsible parent if I hadn't brought it up. It was uncomfortable because I'd know the family for a long time and it was like I was accusing the older boy (who I'd known since he was born) of doing something wrong. It made things a little weird between us but we got through it and we're still all friends. 

[Rosie_0801]

You just might want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Also, many, if not most, people here are Christians.

And very few of those who aren't are going to be outright rude about it.

[Redeemed7]

I probably wouldn't say anything unless I was really close to the mother. However, I would probably stay away from them. Maybe I shouldn't, but a kid knowing how they want to die on top of the other stuff sure doesn't put me at ease.

 

In Jasperstone's defense there have been some "tensions" lately. I didn't think Scrapbook meant anything by it, but I can see how the comment could be taken wrong. We live and learn and move on.

[Butter]

Unless there are other red flags (depression, hopelessness, self-harm, etc.), I wouldn't worry about it.  Especially given that she loves horror and zombies (and her mom is okay with it), I don't think this is super unusual.  My 12 year old (public 6th grade) wrote a creative story recently and in the end the main character committed suicide (his parents had previously been murdered).  I was just waiting for the call from the guidance counselor.  None came.  It was a well-written story and a theme many kids write about.  Death is something that everyone knows will happen to them, but many people are afraid of or at least are hoping it won't happen to them and their loved ones for a long, long time.  I think when kids write about death they are sorting out their thoughts.  My daughter is in a creative writing magnet and many of the themes the kids write about are dark.  We joke that it's cheap therapy.  Many of the visual artists draw dark-themed pictures.  It doesn't mean they are suicidal.  It means it's a safe way for them to get their thoughts and feelings out and sorted.  Things like planning where she would like to die don't even raise a red flag to me.  By saying she wants to die in the ocean, she is putting a little bit of control over something that very rarely can be controlled.

 

However, if there are other red flags, tell her mom.  Though chances are she already knows.

[bolt.]

"Cool" is such a vague word that it doesn't imply anything more than interest in the topic. And, no, she probably doesn't understand it: which is why she is processing it, expressing her ideas, and involving other people in her exploration.

 

Particularly, Christian theology about death, ressurrction and "heaven" are not at all as terrifying as an unspiritual view of death. Having little experience of the pain and loss that death brings with it, she might be perfectly comfortable "taking our word for it" that death is nothing to be afraid of.

 

Something that people say they don't have any reason to fear -- yet they clearly do fear and hate death: that's a conundrum that an observant and inquisitive child would need to think through.

[DawnM]

I have a child in my coop who is like this.  Loves zombies and demon slayers and dark things.  But I am really not worried.  It seems to be a bit of a cultural obsession right now with vampires and zombies.

[SKL]

Well, death is a fascinating topic, particularly to someone who hasn't been hurt by it (close relative dying etc).  Maybe the mom prefers to keep the lines of communication open so that she will be aware should the child's interest in death change to something more worrisome.  In any case, saying anything to a mom who already knows what is going on would only be viewed as judging.

 

As for the Christian aspect of this thread - death is a very big topic in Christian teachings.  Not only death itself, but the idea that physical death is not that big of a deal if you have the right beliefs.  So I don't understand what is unChristian about death themes.  She isn't planning on killing anyone as far as you know, right?

[Joanne]

Children process "big ideas" in ways that allow them to build perspective and understanding. Death, from any paradigm/worldview is universally scary, mysterious and can be overwhelming. Engaging with the content through art and entertainment can be absolutely a healthy way to grasp the subject and begin to form a relationship with it.

What you describe sounds like it can be within the realm of normal and expected.

 

Your family has a different tolerance and comfort level with the content, and that may be informing your concern.

[Jean in Newcastle]

What I get hung up on is that the description of events indicates to  me that the mother does know what is going on.  It seems to me that the OP is more concerned that the mother isn't addressing it "correctly".  But. . .  the OP doesn't really know how they are addressing it - if it is a phase that the mother is downplaying so that the child doesn't become obsessed, if it is a creative outlet/exploration that the child is engaging in and the mother is allowing that (but might be kind of embarrassed about), if they are going to counseling but aren't going to talk about that with a casual friend or if they are doing nothing at all.  If the mother hasn't volunteered that kind of information then it says to me that the OP and her are not super close friends.  And I don't see how a casual friend can insert herself into the situation and make them address it "correctly" esp. since none of us know how best to address it without a lot more information.  

[Jasperstone]

You just might want to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Also, many, if not most, people here are Christians.

True, but how many with other beliefs would?

 

If I had came out and said- I think its weird to be a Muslim, Jewish, Gay, Atheist, fill your own blanks etc...

 

Would those people show grace and leave it be? Or would I have had a backlash with a statement like that?

 

Funny how everything is else is sacred, but not Christianity these days.

 

Also its funny how some won't drop it even after I apologised.

 

I actually find that weird. ;-)

[Jasperstone]

What bothers me is the fact that the girl thinks dying is "cool." She doesn't have to be depressed for this to be a bit alarming. Like does she know that she's not coming back as a vampire or something?

That could come about from reading those Zombie books. As they portray death that isn't lasting etc...

[Jasperstone]

What I get hung up on is that the description of events indicates to me that the mother does know what is going on. It seems to me that the OP is more concerned that the mother isn't addressing it "correctly". But. . . the OP doesn't really know how they are addressing it - if it is a phase that the mother is downplaying so that the child doesn't become obsessed, if it is a creative outlet/exploration that the child is engaging in and the mother is allowing that (but might be kind of embarrassed about), if they are going to counseling but aren't going to talk about that with a casual friend or if they are doing nothing at all. If the mother hasn't volunteered that kind of information then it says to me that the OP and her are not super close friends. And I don't see how a casual friend can insert herself into the situation and make them address it "correctly" esp. since none of us know how best to address it without a lot more information.

We were friends in the past, but because of distance we lost contact- hence not knowing the girl well now.

 

Her mother and I have shared some very personal stuff. So I wouldn't say its a casual relationship.

[Alice]

Using the word cool is probably just the result of an appropriately child like vocabulary. What do you want her to say? "While the concept of death causes my peers and the adults around me a great deal of existential angst, if not outright terror, I am young enough to be unconcerned about reaching my goals before I pass from this corpreal realm, and therefore, since I have not been conditioned to be immediately repulsed by the idea of death, I feel comfortable with the intellectual exercise of imagining my own earthly demise and the loss of others!"

 

It would be a run on sentence because, afterall, she is just a child.

 

It is not analgalous to there possible being a loaded gun around children, unless you believe zombies are real.

 

I didn't mean it was exactly analogous, I was just using an example of an uncomfortable conversation with a friend that I had to have. I don't believe zombies are real and I wouldn't be worried about the zombies and horror stuff. I personally am not all that fond of horror kind of stuff but I wouldn't worry about it in a kid of my own or a friend of my kids. I wouldn't seen any need to address that with the Mom.

 

From the OP, it wasn't completely clear to me what the OP's daughter had heard the friend say about her own death, specifically the "planning to die". I can easily see how this could be a dramatic 10 year old talking. However, I also think it could potentially be a red flag for depression/suicidal thoughts. 

 

If it was my own daughter and someone said "Hey, did you know your daughter is discussing her own death and saying she wants to die in the ocean?", I would be glad to know. I think that could lead to some good discussions. I don't think the Mom or the OP needs to freak out about it but I think it's worth an fyi to the Mom. 

[Ipsey]

True, but how many with other beliefs would?

 

If I had came out and said- I think its weird to be a Muslim, Jewish, Gay, Atheist, fill your own blanks etc...

 

Would those people show grace and leave it be? Or would I have had a backlash with a statement like that?

 

Funny how everything is else is sacred, but not Christianity these days.

 

Also its funny how some won't drop it even after I apologised.

 

I actually find that weird. ;-)

 

I'm not on your case about it. I'm trying to help you understand what will help you enjoy this board and find friends here.

It's nice that you apologized. I haven't said another thing about it. 

 

I'm saying what I would say to anyone. Be kind. Give the benefit of the doubt.

 

As for your beliefs, you will find most people here are Christians, and those who aren't really won't pester you or be in-your-face confrontational about your beliefs.

 

Just be kind, no one is out to get you.

 

And, if you'll note, you said that you were a Christian, and Not One person has shown you "backlash". You thought a person was giving you backlash, when in fact they were another Christian, and they were trying to encourage and lift you up!

 

Actually, I think it's funny, and a little sad that you're trying to show how cruelly you're being treated for being a Christian, when no one has treated you cruelly at all. 

 

Just be kind. Ok? You're not a victim here. No one is out to get you. And you might make friends if you don't lash out at people who are just trying to be friendly.

[Jasperstone]

From the OP, it wasn't completely clear to me what the OP's daughter had heard the friend say about her own death, specifically the "planning to die". I can easily see how this could be a dramatic 10 year old talking. However, I also think it could potentially be a red flag for depression/suicidal thoughts. 

 

If it was my own daughter and someone said "Hey, did you know your daughter is discussing her own death and saying she wants to die in the ocean?", I would be glad to know. I think that could lead to some good discussions. I don't think the Mom or the OP needs to freak out about it but I think it's worth an fyi to the Mom. 

 

---------------

 

 

Same here, I would want to know.

 

If it was just the drawings, and not the talk as well, then it wouldn't bring up the red flags.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Was this a JAWM (just agree with me) thread?  

[AimeeM]

I've got nothing...

[AimeeM]

So really its not my business, is it?

 

Bingo. She is allowing it, if only by default. I assume the child isn't buying these things herself.

[AimeeM]

Yes, it's different and weird but so is being a truly devoted follower of Jesus Christ, for that matter!

-------------

 

She is ten years old.

 

I don't think its weird to be a true follower of Jesus Christ. Please keep those opinions to yourself, as that's offensive to those of us that are.

 

Please go back to the topic. Thanx!

 

A. The board doesn't work that way (go back to topic - thanx!).

B. Maybe your inference that there is something wrong with zombies and horror movies is insulting to those who enjoy those things.

 

[Jasperstone]

I'm not on your case about it. I'm trying to help you understand what will help you enjoy this board and find friends here.

It's nice that you apologized. I haven't said another thing about it.

 

I'm saying what I would say to anyone. Be kind. Give the benefit of the doubt.

 

As for your beliefs, you will find most people here are Christians, and those who aren't really won't pester you or be in-your-face confrontational about your beliefs.

 

Just be kind, no one is out to get you.

 

And, if you'll note, you said that you were a Christian, and Not One person has shown you "backlash". You thought a person was giving you backlash, when in fact they were another Christian, and they were trying to encourage and lift you up!

 

Actually, I think it's funny, and a little sad that you're trying to show how cruelly you're being treated for being a Christian, when no one has treated you cruelly at all.

 

Just be kind. Ok? You're not a victim here. No one is out to get you. And you might make friends if you don't lash out at people who are just trying to be friendly.

I was just trying to explain that if I had wrote something like that about another belief, then I would have received a lashing back. Once it was explained to me, that it wasn't the case, I apologised.

 

:-)

[AimeeM]

It sounds like it's been going on for quite awhile and the mother knows about it.  As long as she isn't hurting anybody (or herself), I think there is nothing more you can do.  It is strange though, and strange that the mother would let it continue.

 

It isn't really strange. I went through a similar phase. I'm far from suicidal, depressed, or satanic - promise.

[AimeeM]

What bothers me is the fact that the girl thinks dying is "cool." She doesn't have to be depressed for this to be a bit alarming. Like does she know that she's not coming back as a vampire or something?

 

Well, I might suggest that Heaven is certainly taught as "cool" to Christians, so I wouldn't find it odd, lol; we have Heaven, martydom, and everything in between and on the outskirts. Why wouldn't a slightly unique 10 year old take from that "cool", kwim?

[Jasperstone]

Was this a JAWM (just agree with me) thread?

And that's being friendly?

 

I was after some advice to how to bring up the subject. And if I actually should. Saying that I would want to know, is that considered JAWM?

[Joker]

That could come about from reading those Zombie books. As they portray death that isn't lasting etc...

 

I don't view death as lasting. It has nothing to do with zombies but I am Christian so I don't view death as the end. I've already stated I have one who likes to draw dark things so I wouldn't jump to worry. I don't think they talk so openly of death and that would be the only thing that would give me pause, but it would be something I would need to hear and not just be the feedback of my own 11 year old.

 

[Joanne]

True, but how many with other beliefs would?

 

If I had came out and said- I think its weird to be a Muslim, Jewish, Gay, Atheist, fill your own blanks etc...

 

Would those people show grace and leave it be? Or would I have had a backlash with a statement like that?

 

Funny how everything is else is sacred, but not Christianity these days.

 

Also its funny how some won't drop it even after I apologised.

 

I actually find that weird. ;-)

Actually this board is populated by principled people of many faiths snd also no faith at all. They apologize, accept apologies. And offer grace constantly.

 

Christianity is not at risk here or in the US at all.

[Rosie_0801]

Funny how everything is else is sacred, but not Christianity these days.

 

You wouldn't say that if you knew what *wasn't* said around here, and it isn't said *from a place of respect.* Please try to make a note of this because the polite people around here don't like to be accused unfairly either.

[Joanne]

That could come about from reading those Zombie books. As they portray death that isn't lasting etc...

The young lady in question is old enough and developmentally mature enough to not take entertainment literally. It is not your genre but many healthy people even Christians enjoy it without it being a detriment.

[eternalsummer]

She wasn't saying that Christianity was weird, was the issue, and pretty much everyone else (even me, and I'm not religious) picked up on it.  This is why no one was offended on your behalf.

 

I'd be happy with a board where you can say that Christians are weird and gays are weird and atheists are weird and muslims are weird, but this isn't really that board - nothing special about Christianity, it's just a board with (in theory) less directness than other places.

 

4chan, you can say what you like :)  no special dispensation for anyone there either, but I doubt you'd like the place much

[SKL]

I am still wondering what any of this had to do with Christianity in the first place.

[Jean in Newcastle]

And that's being friendly?

 

I was after some advice to how to bring up the subject. And if I actually should. Saying that I would want to know, is that considered JAWM?

It's not being unfriendly.  I see that you are new to this forum.  The way this forum works is that people ask questions and are prepared to see a variety of answers.  Some answers back up what you were leaning toward.  Some don't.  Some answers are given from a perspective or worldview that matches yours.  Some don't.  We don't expect you to find every single answer helpful or applicable to your needs.  After all, we are anonymous people on the internet who don't know the individuals involved.  But we do expect you to have big enough girl panties to be able to listen to a variety of answers without getting offended.  And we expect you to be respectful of those of us taking the time to answer what is, after all, your problem and not ours.  Yes, I'm being rather blunt.  But not unfriendly.  

 

Sometimes people just want to vent.  They've made up their mind and don't want to hear opposing views alongside ones that might support their own.  That is called a "just agree with me" post.  We warn others when that is what we are posting so that we can vent without adding to our stress level.  And we understand when someone has posted one, because we all want to vent sometimes.  

[Truscifi]

Wow, this got contentious fast. :huh:

 

My opinion - don't say anything, unless the girl makes a suicidal statement. The mom is aware of it and presumably dealing with it as she sees fit. If you really feel you need to say something, approach it in a nonjudgmental, hey this is something I noticed, way.

[Jasperstone]

It's not being unfriendly. I see that you are new to this forum. The way this forum works is that people ask questions and are prepared to see a variety of answers. Some answers back up what you were leaning toward. Some don't. Some answers are given from a perspective or worldview that matches yours. Some don't. We don't expect you to find every single answer helpful or applicable to your needs. After all, we are anonymous people on the internet who don't know the individuals involved. But we do expect you to have big enough girl panties to be able to listen to a variety of answers without getting offended. And we expect you to be respectful of those of us taking the time to answer what is, after all, your problem and not ours. Yes, I'm being rather blunt. But not unfriendly.

 

Sometimes people just want to vent. They've made up their mind and don't want to hear opposing views alongside ones that might support their own. That is called a "just agree with me" post. We warn others when that is what we are posting so that we can vent without adding to our stress level. And we understand when someone has posted one, because we all want to vent sometimes.

So agreeing to the comment- 'I would like to know if my child was talking about death etc'... Is viewed upon as, I'm not listening to others? :confused1: 

You can believe what you like, but that's not the case at all.

I am taking it all in, but that comment sat right with me when I read it, as I thought, yes, 'what if it was my child?'. I hadn't thought on those lines before that.

 

This situation isn't something that I have ever come across before. And I'm starting to regret ever asking. :mellow:

[Jasperstone]

Wow, this got contentious fast. :huh:

 

My opinion - don't say anything, unless the girl makes a suicidal statement. The mom is aware of it and presumably dealing with it as she sees fit. If you really feel you need to say something, approach it in a nonjudgmental, hey this is something I noticed, way.

Thank you.

[Redeemed7]

Jasperstone, take all the opinions for what they are worth. We can all just give our own opinions from our own particular slant. There's abundance in many counselors, but not all of them are going to work and some will be down right wrong. You have to sift through them and throw out the chaff.

 

I'm not sure about how long Jasperstone has actually been a member or reader. It may not appear like I don't know how the board works, but I have been reading the boards for years. I had another id years ago, but didn't post under that one much either. I sincerely doubt anyone would recognize it. I'd have to search to see if I could find it to remember it. I'm mentioning that because we're making an assumption that she doesn't know how things should work. She made a mistake. She's owned up to it and apologized. It can't be let go of and now every subsequent thing she says is colored through the same lense.

 

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt also. She feels a bit jumped on and it would be hard not to see how she might not feel that way under the circumstances.

[Jasperstone]

Jasperstone, take all the opeinions for what they are worth. We can all just give our own opinions from our own particular slant. There's abundance in many counselors, but not all of them are going to work and some will be down right wrong. You have to sift through them and throw out the chaff.

 

I'm not sure about how long Jasperstone has actually been a member or reader. It may not appear like I don't know how the board works, but I have been reading the boards for years. I had another id years ago, but didn't post under that one much either. I sincerely doubt anyone would recognize it. I'd have to search to see if I could find it to remember it. I'm mentioning that because we're making an assumption that she doesn't know how things should work. She made a mistake. She's owned up to it and apologized. It can't be let go of and now every subsequent thing she says is colored through the same lense.

 

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt also. She feels a bit jumped on and it would be hard not to see how she might not feel that way under the circumstances.

Thank you for your kind support. I really appreciate it. :-)