Would You Do This? -- Update in #82

[Pawz4me]

I'm rather surprised that people think professional hairdressers don't cut their own hair.  I know a couple who completely do their own haircuts, and one who cuts everything but the back herself.

 

But I don't think I'd let a young boy do it due to the risk of injuring himself.

[nevergiveup]

Our society tends to baby its children.  I had friends who wouldn't let their children cut their own meat until they were in, like, jr. high.

 

I bet if you were to let him do it, you would be there supervising so he did not poke his own eye out.

 

Society tends to put too much value on looks also.  What a shame if family is sending him the message that he will be shunned and is ugly if his curls hit the floor.  He may not have curls all his life, or may start balding in his teens.  What then?  

 

 

 

So, I guess the decision depends on what message you want to send your child.

[DawnM]

I don't equate cutting up my child's meat and letting him cut his own hair in any way the same.

 

Dawn

 

 

Our society tends to baby its children.  I had friends who wouldn't let their children cut their own meat until they were in, like, jr. high.

 

I bet if you were to let him do it, you would be there supervising so he did not poke his own eye out.

 

Society tends to put too much value on looks also.  What a shame if family is sending him the message that he will be shunned and is ugly if his curls hit the floor.  He may not have curls all his life, or may start balding in his teens.  What then?  

 

 

 

So, I guess the decision depends on what message you want to send your child.

 

[Harriet Vane]

I don't equate cutting up my child's meat and letting him cut his own hair in any way the same.

 

Dawn

 

:iagree:

 

I am not one to baby my kids at all. They have been doing their own laundry from a young age. Ds has been carrying a pocket knife and whittling for years. They have had to do all kinds of grown-up skills from a young age when we go camping, like building and maintaining a fire or, in ds' case, sleeping out in the woods in a shelter of his own devising (dh was not far for that one). They have both been cooking from a young age and handling knives at the table from a young age. They also handle tools to build projects or do yard work. We teach them how to do these things safely, and then they do them.

 

The difference with cutting one's own hair is the sheer difficulty of being able to see what you're doing and lack of coordination for that angle. It can be disorienting to try to work looking at a mirror and not able to see it in front of you. For that reason, it seems like an unnecessary risk to fingers and ears.

[poppy]

Our society tends to baby its children.  I had friends who wouldn't let their children cut their own meat until they were in, like, jr. high.

 

I bet if you were to let him do it, you would be there supervising so he did not poke his own eye out.

 

Society tends to put too much value on looks also.  What a shame if family is sending him the message that he will be shunned and is ugly if his curls hit the floor.  He may not have curls all his life, or may start balding in his teens.  What then?  

 

 

 

So, I guess the decision depends on what message you want to send your child.

 

The message you seem to support is, go ahead and try, who cares if it looks ugly.  Which I can kind of see. But there is something to be said for pride in personal appearance.  Not meaning "always look prim & proper". If a kid wants  a dumb fauxhawk, great, he is doing what he wants with his looks.   This is a kid who apparently cares about his hair and has a plan for what he wants it to look like and he wants to be engaged in the process of getting there. I think that's not a bad thing.  I don't think anyone on this board would disagree with "society tends to put too much value on looks", but that doesn't mean the proper lesson for a 7 year old "you shouldn't care how you look".

[mom2bee]

Boys' haircuts only cost $8.00 where you live??? :svengo:

 

I really think we should have moved away from here years ago. We pay too much for everything. :glare:

 

Lol, actually everyone in my family--including my 7 brothers--get their hair done at home. I have no idea what the average cost of a boys haircut is. But there is at least one barber shop in our area that advertised they do $8 haircuts.

[catz]

I don't think I baby my own kids. Although, my oldest has been slow to come to small motor skills. He's a kid that probably could have gotten slapped with a label at some point. He is in 7th grade and honestly, I make him chop for me and he cuts his own meat. But arg, he still looks pretty clutzy doing it. So if you see an older kid not cutting their own meat, it doesn't necessarily mean the parents are insane or over protective. Other things I have let this kid do at an early age because of his emotional maturity have gotten me dirty looks in other ways. Kids are individuals.

 

Anyway, no I would not let my kid cut their own hair. My dd did hers at 3 and it was a disaster area. Of course she didn't ask - lol. Most professionals I know, do not do their own either. It's just a bad precedent. When I took my dd to get her hair fixed after she got it cut, the women at the kid's hair place made a big deal of telling her that none of them cut their own hair and why it's a bad idea. I'd allow him to look at pictures on the web and take it in to a real stylist or hair cutter. I wouldn't be worried about poking an eye out or anything. Since our incident, cutting our own hair is just not something we do in our family. My dd ended up with a butt ugly mullet.

 

ETA - I really am one to think hair grows back. I've had short pixies down to mid back length hair myself. I let my kids get their hair cut however they want. My son's longish hair is driving me batty right now, but whatever. I just wouldn't want to have a kid thinking they could take a scissors to their head anytime the mood hits.

[Word Nerd]

For clarification, Buddy is a boy. So is Pal. So am I.

I would say that Buddys hair looks something like...this fellow. Only Buddy is older and his hair is a little bit longer.

Clarification--This is NOT my son, just a pic off of Google.

 

This puts me even more firmly in the NO! camp. :) I think it would be hard to cut such tight curls evenly--though i suppose if the ultimate goal is to buzz it all off that won't matter. I can definitely understand why his grandmas say don't you dare.

[Catwoman]

Our society tends to baby its children. I had friends who wouldn't let their children cut their own meat until they were in, like, jr. high.

 

I bet if you were to let him do it, you would be there supervising so he did not poke his own eye out.

 

Society tends to put too much value on looks also. What a shame if family is sending him the message that he will be shunned and is ugly if his curls hit the floor. He may not have curls all his life, or may start balding in his teens. What then?

 

 

 

So, I guess the decision depends on what message you want to send your child.

 

Perhaps the "message" we want to send our child is simply that 6 and 7 year-olds don't cut their own hair.

 

I don't think we have to start looking for deeper philosophical meanings here.

[swellmomma]

Our rule here is only adults may cut hair.  I would not encourage a 7 year old to cut his own, almost every kid I know from age 8 and below have either cut their own hair and/or a friend's hair and it always needs to be fixed by a professional at a much shorter length then it would have been if you went to the barber to begin with. It is one thing I would not encourage.  Allow him to decide what kind of cut he wants but take him to the barber to have it done.  I am good with the "it's just hair" logic when they aren't doing it themselves.  

[Tap]

I could go either way with it.  I would have him show you a picture of what he thinks it will look like when he is done.  Unless it is a buzz cut or very similar, I would be very reluctant to let him cut it.  I am sure he thinks like most young children, that he can just pick up his hair and start chopping away like the hair dresser does, and have it turn out even all over.  It will Not look like what he expects, and then you are the one who will have to deal with any tears during the grow out stage. 

 

I tend to encourage my kids to try new things, but honestly this is one of those that if they mess up, I can't just buy a new one.  Yes, hair grows back, but you are talking about a couple years of growth if he wants his old 'do back at the end of the day.   And he isn't the one having to look at it, you are! 

 

If my 7yo wanted to cut her own hair, it would get vetoed.

 

 

[elfgivas]

For clarification, Buddy is a boy. So is Pal. So am I.

I would say that Buddys hair looks something like...this fellow. Only Buddy is older and his hair is a little bit longer.

Clarification--This is NOT my son, just a pic off of Google.

 

 

do you cut your own hair?  does he watch?  if so, i would say go for it.  if not, i would probably still say go for it.  you have a child who wants to learn how to do something.  ummmm..... yes.  i am the same way about cooking.  when they want to cook, usually somewhere around age 3, we go for it.  they spend time in the kitchen with me, and then we pick a day when they get to cook.  we shop, we have a recipe, and i hang out in the kitchen while they cook.  sometimes its ghastly, sometimes its okay, occasionally it is spectacular.  and then i make sure we do it again, so they can incorporate what they learned.  i would do that with this, too.  he's making at least a two hair cut commitment, maybe three ;).

 

i would use it as a mini teaching time.  you want to do something.  what do you do to make sure the outcome is as good as it can be?  (i'm thinking youtube videos, etc).  you can both learn.  or, you can find a barber willing to give him a one hour lesson.   this might calm the mothers down.  (a pro is involved.)  he can practice in the barber shop on you ;).  really.  

 

(this is also a good discerning point for you.  if you are willing to let him cut your hair then it is a clue that you are willing to let him cut his own hair.  flip side is that if you panic, its a clue that it may not be a good idea ;)

 

ie.  i would encourage him on this path.  i would walk it with him.  i would NOT just hand him the clippers.

 

fwiw,

ann

[nevergiveup]

The message you seem to support is, go ahead and try, who cares if it looks ugly.  Which I can kind of see. But there is something to be said for pride in personal appearance.  Not meaning "always look prim & proper". If a kid wants  a dumb fauxhawk, great, he is doing what he wants with his looks.   This is a kid who apparently cares about his hair and has a plan for what he wants it to look like and he wants to be engaged in the process of getting there. I think that's not a bad thing.  I don't think anyone on this board would disagree with "society tends to put too much value on looks", but that doesn't mean the proper lesson for a 7 year old "you shouldn't care how you look".

Precisely.  Granny might think it looks ugly, but the kid might like it.  I did not suggest his cutting his own hair would imply that he did not care how he looked.

[nevergiveup]

Perhaps the "message" we want to send our child is simply that 6 and 7 year-olds don't cut their own hair.

 

I don't think we have to start looking for deeper philosophical meanings here.

Why not?

 

Perhaps his child is perfectly capable.  

[Catwoman]

Why not?

 

Perhaps his child is perfectly capable.

Seriously?

 

A 6 or 7yo is "perfectly capable" of giving himself a nice haircut?

 

I think you're stretching here, just to try to make your point.

 

You were saying that by not letting a little kid cut his own hair, parents are sending the message that he would be "be shunned and is ugly" if he did do it, and I thought you were really overthinking this. I don't think parents would be sending that message at all, but rather that they simply didn't think a 6 or 7yo should be cutting his own hair.

[Snickerdoodle]

I love this forum.  We'll argue about anything.  :D

 

I personally would hand the kid the scissors and say, "have at it".  But other people wouldn't.  It seems the OP would rather not do that, but is feeling uncomfortable about just saying no.  

 

OP, if you don't want to let him do it, then say no and be done with it.   It's really truly ok for kids to be disappointed about not having their way all the time.

 

 

[nevergiveup]

Seriously?

 

A 6 or 7yo is "perfectly capable" of giving himself a nice haircut?

 

I think you're stretching here, just to try to make your point.

 

You were saying that by not letting a little kid cut his own hair, parents are sending the message that he would be "be shunned and is ugly" if he did do it, and I thought you were really overthinking this. I don't think parents would be sending that message at all, but rather that they simply didn't think a 6 or 7yo should be cutting his own hair.

A 6 to 7 year old may be perfectly capable.  How will he know unless he tries?

 

And, if the parents say "no" the inevitable response from the child will be "why?"  So, plan what message you are sending before he asks.

 

Stretching?  My son, when he was six, built his own working push mower complete with engine and blade.  Made his own wooden wheels.  He is now a mechanic, 401K and all, without having attended a trade school.

 

What if I had said "no"?

[unsinkable]

I'd buy the tike some wigs and let him have at 'em.

 

He might become the next Paul Mitchell. With a 401K.

[unsinkable]

A 6 to 7 year old may be perfectly capable. How will he know unless he tries?

 

And, if the parents say "no" the inevitable response from the child will be "why?" So, plan what message you are sending before he asks.

 

Stretching? My son, when he was six, built his own working push mower complete with engine and blade. Made his own wooden wheels. He is now a mechanic, 401K and all, without having attended a trade school.

 

What if I had said "no"?

He'd be a lawyer? :lol:

[Catwoman]

A 6 to 7 year old may be perfectly capable. How will he know unless he tries?

 

And, if the parents say "no" the inevitable response from the child will be "why?" So, plan what message you are sending before he asks.

 

Stretching? My son, when he was six, built his own working push mower complete with engine and blade. Made his own wooden wheels. He is now a mechanic, 401K and all, without having attended a trade school.

 

What if I had said "no"?

Wow, you're really making a big deal out of this.

 

You're making this about so much more than a haircut, and I don't think it needs to be.

 

Sometimes our kids ask us if they can do something and we say no. And as amazing as this may sound to you, we're not crushing their dreams.

 

Sometimes it's really and truly OK to tell a kid no, and to say he's too young to do something... and the kid might argue the point for a few minutes, but then most 6yos walk away and find some other cool thing to do.

 

I guess I just think you're overestimating the importance of this in the overall scheme of things. For the life of me, I can't see how this could possibly be a major issue, require a lot of thought, or have some sort of long term impact on a child's self-image unless the parent makes it into a Big Momentous Thing. And it's not a big, momentous thing. It's a child with a whim. He thinks it would be fun. I don't view it as anything more than that.

 

Gil can say yes to his son, or he can say no. I just don't think he would be sending any sort of important philosophical message to his child either way. It's a haircut. That's all.

[catz]

Really, I don't care either way on which way the OP choses to go. I wouldn't be horrified if someone said yes to their own kid.

 

I will say if I had a kid wanting to learn to drive, I wouldn't just hand him the keys. If I had a kid that was interested in cooking I would not give him free range to the kitchen and walk away. If I were going to do it and this was a HUGE interest area for my own child, I like the idea of paying a professional for an hour of their time to talk to your child as they cut their hair and allow him to do it next time. Or allow him to cut my hair or a siblings. This would need to be a child interested in hair in general (styling, combing, etc) and not just asking to chop their own by themselves because that sounds like fun. That would be more how I would approach it.

 

And really kudos to the little guy for asking at all. :D I had a friend who's daughter cut her own hair like 10X between the ages of 4 and 6. I think she spent a small fortune having it fixed. Evidently, mom never learned to hide the scissors either. LOL.

[Catwoman]

And really kudos to the little guy for asking at all. :D I had a friend who's daughter cut her own hair like 10X between the ages of 4 and 6. I think she spent a small fortune having it fixed. Evidently, mom never learned to hide the scissors either. LOL.

:iagree:

 

He sounds like such a sweetie! :001_wub:

[MicheleinMN]

To be honest I'm mostly concerned that he will do an embarrassingly horrible job and then stubbornly refuse all 'patch job' offers or attempts. We are coming up on summer and I'll have to be out and about with him a lot.

 

:blushing:

 

THIS is exactly what I would worry about!  (And exactly what, at least, one of my children would do.)

[MistiDelaney]

I am with Snickerdoodle on this.  If OP is not happy with the idea, it's perfectly fine to say "No".

 

Woolysocks also has an excellent point - if you think he REALLY wants to do it, and you're ok with it, it makes more sense to use it as an opportunity to model how to learn a new skill.  Even so, you can trust that the likelihood is that it will need fixing.  If the child agrees, cool.  Fix it or pay someone to have it fixed.

 

That said, I have cut all my own children's hair from the time they wanted it cut until they left home and earned enough to have it done by someone else.  Jack (11) just had his first haircut a couple of weeks ago.  I cut it, he's thrilled with it - but amazed at how much more work short hair is. :p

[Word Nerd]

Perhaps the "message" we want to send our child is simply that 6 and 7 year-olds don't cut their own hair.

 

I don't think we have to start looking for deeper philosophical meanings here.

:iagree:

 

Or their little sister's—as I learned from personal experience when I had my own delusional beautician fantasies at that age. When you cut off one of your sister's pigtails near her scalp, Mom can't just put it back. Neither one of them had the opinion that "it's just hair" even though the pixie cut she was forced to get was kind of cute. 

[Gil]

Wow, I got a lot of great feedback! Now, I am leaning heavily towards making it a good learning experience and then letting him do it with help and guidance. Yes--both of his grandmothers will be heartbroken and yes--I may well be mortified by the results, but it is *his* hair and *his* head. Plus seeing as how my hesitance stems from the fact that I will probably be embarrassed to be seen with him if he screws it up, the idea of getting a professional involved in the actual cutting alleviates some of my anxiety.

 

 

[73349]

Sure. I'm also not bothered when little kids choose clothes that don't match. As long as you talk about it thoroughly up front and supervise him, I don't think this is a significant risk at all.

 

It's not a tattoo!

[poppy]

A 6 to 7 year old may be perfectly capable. How will he know unless he tries?

 

And, if the parents say "no" the inevitable response from the child will be "why?" So, plan what message you are sending before he asks.

 

Stretching? My son, when he was six, built his own working push mower complete with engine and blade. Made his own wooden wheels. He is now a mechanic, 401K and all, without having attended a trade school.

 

What if I had said "no"?

You let a six year old make wheels .... I am guessing with a hole saw and drill. (Supervised I'm sure). What if he had never used that tool before? And only had one small piece of wood? And had to use it with his hands behind his head? Because hair: you get one chance , and it's an awkward angle .

[Lolly]

You let a six year old make wheels .... I am guessing with a hole saw and drill. (Supervised I'm sure). What if he had never used that tool before? And only had one small piece of wood? And had to use it with his hands behind his head? Because hair: you get one chance , and it's an awkward angle .

 

 

It actually isn't all that hard to use your hands behind your head, not even with scissors. And, I'm betting since he asked, mom is probably standing right there to give an assist if needed. So, so, so many kids cut their own hair. I've never heard of one cutting off a finger while doing it. Usually, when they hit the back portion they just skip it. "you ger one chance"? Actually, with hair you get an almost unlimited number of chances. It grows. Plus, a boy with a buzz is cute. (If it is a disaster which results in a buzz.)

[poppy]

 

 

It actually isn't all that hard to use your hands behind your head, not even with scissors.

 

Clearly you are not me because I'm hopeless at it.  I am also  one of those people who has to affix my bra hooks in front, then turn the bra around, Perhaps it depends on your arm length.

 

Like I said, I'm not so much worried about injuries, I'm concerned the kid will not be happy with what he's able to do.  If he doesn't care how it turns out -- if he just wants the experience of scissors-- that might be different.

[Mrs Mungo]

Errr, no, I wouldn't let a 7 year old cut their own hair. I would try to figure out why he didn't want to go to a hairdresser or barber and address that issue.

[Gil]

Update for anyone who might care: Buddy cut his hair.

 

I talked to him over the course of 3 days and tried to explain to him about how bad it will probably come out. I told him that we could watch videos on haircutting and find out more about how to do it right etc. He got this glazed over look in his eye and sad frown and said "In that case? Nevermind, just forget it gil. You're sucking all the fun out of it..."

 

Turned around and walked away. Broke my heart, so I gave him the clippers and the scissors after dinner and told him to have fun.

He was STOKED, super happy and smiling so big that even though his hair wound up looking kind of bad (not horrible, but definitely bad) I haven't regreted it.

 

His grandmas were more than a little teary eyed to see his new 'do but he stood up for himself respectfully so what can I say?

 

I told him if he wants to do his own hair EVER again then he HAS to take steps to learn to do it right, but I figured the first time should be special and memorable for all the right reasons.

 

--Gil, whos kids do, infact, call him Gil

[elfgivas]

very big smile.  i love that he knew what he needed.... and that you heard that and went with it!

 

ann

[elegantlion]

My son was 7 when I let him cut my hair, my frizzy curly hair. He actually did a nice job. Just fyi, Gil, there is a book called Curly Girls, which IIRC has some tips for boys and men also. Anyway the tips would be good for anyone with curly that wants to attempt to cut their own. I've been cutting my own for years. Curly hair is such a beast, it can be hard to learn to love it. By giving him some control over it now, it can teach him how to appreciate it sooner. 

[Guest]

Seconding the Curly Girl book. My curlytop is a boy, but it's definitely a whole new set of skills to learn after my own and the older sibling's straight/wavy hair.

 

I'm glad it turned out better than the haircut I gave myself when I was 7 and the one dd2 gave ds1 when he was 8.