Garga Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 My son is 11. I believe he must be hitting some of the hormonal changes of puberty. Last night he told me that in the past month he has felt sad for no real reason. He also told me that twice in the past month he's wondered what the point is to his life. He says that every day is the same and he wonders why is he even here. He is a Christian and believes that God loves him and has some sort of plan for his life, but so far doesn't know what it is. Here's what I've done/the plan so far: I told him that I'm taking this all very seriously. I don't want to close any doors of communication if this goes beyond "I'm sad" into "I'm suicidal and no one will listen to me." I told him about hormone changes for kids at puberty and for adults throughout their lives (PMS) and that it can be mild or severe and to talk to me whenever he wants to. He's not alone. I asked him if he had thoughts of suicide. (He said a firm no.) I told him that there are tests people take to see what jobs they're best suited for. Some people have a drive to have a job that is meaningful and helps other people. We talked about whether he is someone like that--maybe he has a drive to impact others and if he doesn't, he is dissatisfied. He has been sick with a cough since December and it just went away a week ago. During those 8 weeks of coughing he got very little exercise as it would set off a coughing fit. We're going to add in more exercise to help regulate his moods. He is a picky eater and it's a struggle to get him to eat a balanced diet. We will redouble our efforts in that area as a healthy diet can benefit moods. And here's where I need The Hive: I have been feeling a little bit like my DS lately. I live a mostly selfish life. I take care of my family, throw some money in the offering plate, and...that's about it. I don't do anything for others. I think my son and I are realizing this is not the way to live. A better way would be using whatever talents/money we have to help others. I'm an adult. I can volunteer or help out pretty much anywhere. Our church has a few places where he might be able to help, maybe--unless his age is an issue. We have a food pantry that might need our help and a homeless outreach. I'm not sure an 11 yo can go to help with the homeless, but I think they stuff bags with supplies. Maybe he could do that. But what else can an 11 year old do? Does anyone know of meaningful volunteer opportunities for a kid? And something that's not too hit or miss. He enjoyed shoveling snow for the next door neighbor who is in a wheelchair, but he can only do that a couple of times a year. (Wheelchair neighbor is very self-sufficient and doesn't welcome too much help.) What's something that 11 year olds can do, consistently, to affect the world around themselves and give them a sense of purpose? Do animal shelters let 11 year olds help the animals? Would 4H or boy scouts fill this kind of need or are those organizations primarily geared at teaching the child skills and not about consistently giving to the community? I think we need to find something that he can volunteer at at least twice a month, a place that is meaningful and his actions aren't just "what a cute kid helping out," but are real and necessary help. Please help me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I think some animal shelters will, it all just varies from place to place. My kids were involved in a ministry a couple of years ago that they go in and help sort things every so often. They now have a food pantry but only allow adults to help. You can look in your area and see if there is an organization like pebbles in atlanta that has service projects especially for kids. If you can afford it, you may also try and do a monthly donation to a food pantry every month. You can designate a certain amount of money, buy the food and donate it with your son. I think doing something consistently helps better than random acts for kids of that age. If he plays musical instruments, you may also look into playing for a senior center once a month. It is so great that you are addressing it now and looking for things to do. All the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 The point of life is to live. Easy to say but when one is in a funk it is hard to really get out a live. Volunteering at an animal shelter is a good idea. Some will allow children the same age as your son to volunteer with an adult. Not animal related but St. Andrew's Society is a wonderful organization http://www.endhunger.org/. He can be involved in year round and work harder in the spring summer and fall by planting, tending and harvesting produce to help feed local families. My son really enjoys gleaning fields. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
73349 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 The purpose of life is to build a life of purpose. A few phone calls will help find volunteer opportunities in your area--here, the food pantries allow kids as young as 5 with a parent--but did you know he could also start his own nonprofit if there's something that calls to him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edelweiss Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I'm still wondering what the point of life is and I'm 39. FWIW, my 12 year old occasionally asks stuff like that. I'm with you. I don't really see what the point to life is either. OP- You sound like a great mom! I hope you find something great that you and your son can do together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Does mental illness run in your family? If so, I'd elevate my concern that symptoms of a developing (brain) issue may be present. However,it could absolutely be within normal range for a developing pre-teen. I agree with the value, role, and function of service work. However, I'd encourage you to go more slowly and allow *him* to discover an issue he's interested in; you'll get more passion and buy in. Instead of arrange service work now, facilitate learning about contemporary social issues and see if he "lights up" with care, compassion, and empathy on any of them. It would have more brain-changing, mood stabilizing chemical impact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Does mental illness run in your family? If so, I'd elevate my concern that symptoms of a developing (brain) issue may be present. I wouldn't. Last night he told me that in the past month he has felt sad for no real reason. He also told me that twice in the past month he's wondered what the point is to his life. He says that every day is the same and he wonders why is he even here. He is a Christian and believes that God loves him and has some sort of plan for his life, but so far doesn't know what it is. He's being told one thing and experiencing another. He's trying to figure out how what he's been told applies against what he experiences. OP, what does your son like to do? What does he gravitate towards when he's got free time? When he tells you about things, which ones make his face light up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Volunteering at an animal shelter is a good idea. Some will allow children the same age as your son to volunteer with an adult. Not animal related but St. Andrew's Society is a wonderful organization http://www.endhunger.org/. He can be involved in year round and work harder in the spring summer and fall by planting, tending and harvesting produce to help feed local families. My son really enjoys gleaning fields. What a neat org. I'd never heard of them. Thanks for sharing!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Usually I answer my kids in a nuanced way, but sometimes the Baltimore Catechism still says it best: Question: Why did God make you? Answer: To know, love and serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in the next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 On the meaning of life - We make our own meanings. What is meaningful to one is meaningless to another. I don't think that's beyond the understanding of an 11 year old. Around here, most places, including our animal shelter, only let children of that age volunteer if their parents are with them. It sounds like you want to do something too, so that might not be a problem (I'm just saying you probably can't drop him off somewhere to volunteer). Since you have a younger one too, are you all willing to volunteer in some capacity? That could be a great way for you all to come together as a family. If you don't (or he doesn't) want to do just one thing, look for various community volunteer events. Many communities have different opportunities to volunteer each week. Can you hand out water bottles along the route of a cancer awareness marathon? Do you have adopt-a-road type clean-ups in your area? Are you near the water so you can participate in beach clean-ups (quite popular as a teen service project in my area)? As for scouts, 4H, etc. it's going to depend on the group. While they have service as something you should do, some groups put more emphasis on it than others, so you'd just have to investigate the groups in your area. Is Camp Fire active where you are? Their motto is Give Service. They have many service learning projects, and believe in building leadership skills in teens (so if your ds stays with them he will learn leadership as he gets older). http://www.campfire.org/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 If your ds was sick enough for 8 weeks to avoid exercise, I would have him checked by a doctor, if you haven't. An underlying infection can have someone feel off enough to start a mild depressed feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 My 11 year old volunteers at the local Humane Society by himself. Generally, with a minor, the parent has to be present, but I went to high school with the shelter director. He loves it so much. They allow him free reign of the shelter, and he wanders around for several hours playing with dogs and cats. It is a win-win because the animals need human contact, and the paid workers have many responsibilities so cannot give a lot of individual attention to the animals. It can be crucial for their adoptability to become socialized to people, though, so it is meaningful work. You might consider volunteering with your son. When I go with my son sometimes, it really fills my cup. My 11 year old has some existential questions and a lot of feelings, as well. He went through a very angst-filled time about a year ago. He is much better now, but he did struggle for a time, and we provided a lot of support. (I also took him for a few sessions of therapy and family therapy, but I am a therapist so that is my go-to. :) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Also, both of my boys volunteer with dh at our church food outreach. The church is very good about giving meaningful responsibilities to children, and my 11 year old has manned one station (pasta, for instance) by himself, which he loves. He really craves meaningful responsibilities even though he is a young person, and he is quite capable of meeting expectations for responsibility and maturity. He struggles with too much "down time" and does better when he is able to keep a pretty full calendar. He also plays on a basketball team which is in full swing right now, with games and practices four nights a week. It is too much for me, but it is just right for him. I trust him when he needs a break, though. He asked to skip our homeschool co op today due to "having a hard week". I agree. The week has been hard on us and particularly on him. Because he is a responsible kid working two grades above his age, I allow him a great deal of input in how he structures his time and in making decisions. This has been very empowering for him, which is also a key for his mental health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 To answer a few questions: There is a tendency to mild depression on DH's side of the family. I will be keeping a close eye on this. Yes, we were very concerned about The Cough That Wouldn't Go Away. Right now the doctor is having him take over the counter allergy meds every day to see if this is allergy related or not. This is the 2nd winter of The Cough that Wouldn't Go Away. He's been on Claritin for about a week and he hasn't coughed much this week. There's really nothing he lights up about that would translate to answering his question "why am I here?" I mean, he lights up like a firecracker about Doctor Who and Minecraft, but that's about it. We're not a homeschooling family with kids who start their own businesses and put on piano concerts at the age of 14. Very average family here without much drive. However, we will start to look around us and see if anything lights him up as we research ways to help the community. I will be talking with him more about the "meaning of life." My personal beliefs are that were are here to be human "beings." To just "be." Not human "doings." Human beings. To putter around and enjoy what we can in life just for the sake of life. But that is balanced with taking a look beyond ourselves and helping others who may need help. We aren't here to run ourselves in the ground in a life of sacrifice, but we're also not here to live an entirely selfish life. I could be wrong, but that's how I have always seen it. I sense that ds11 is feeling the same way and realizing that he's a little off balance. His life is all about himself right now (as is normal for children) and he's ready to take a look around and balance tending to his own life with doing something to help others. Thank you to everyone for all the responses. Raising the kids has been easy so far--it's been mostly about their physical and educational needs. I think we're just now entering the philosophical part of raising kids. (Why am I here? What is life about? Is it all an accident? Even if it is an accident, what then? Etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Also, thank you about the advice for taking things slowly, for buy-in, so that he's not anxious about seeing people in too much need, etc. I am the sort who sees a problem and wants to fix it immediately. I will take this slowly. I will be reading and re-reading the responses. Thank you to everyone who gave examples of what their children do. I love The Hive. I call you all my invisible friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 To answer a few questions: There is a tendency to mild depression on DH's side of the family. I will be keeping a close eye on this. Yes, we were very concerned about The Cough That Wouldn't Go Away. Right now the doctor is having him take over the counter allergy meds every day to see if this is allergy related or not. This is the 2nd winter of The Cough that Wouldn't Go Away. He's been on Claritin for about a week and he hasn't coughed much this week. Poor guy. DS 10 had a cold around Thanksgiving. It turned into a horrible lingering asthma flare up. He was down and out for close to 6 weeks before we brought out the big guns (oral prednisone that he does not do well on) and he got better. Towards the end of that time he was very depressed. His doctor was rather concerned about it. Thankfully, once he was breathing again and able to continue his regular activities again the depress lifted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tmhearn Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 You are an awesome mom. I mean, I'm sure you didn't need a stranger on the Internet to tell you that. ;-) But really, the fact that you took him seriously and without judgement... And you are formulating a plan to help him, just in case it is a bigger issue. That is the kind of mom I respect , admire, and hope to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 It sounds like you are handling this well to me. Cough that won't go away...allergy meds possibly helping...this "screams" asthmatic cough. Was a rescue inhaler tried? Did pulmonology evaluate for asthma? It may well be that the lack of sleep alone, combined with hormones and disposition generally, has thrown him off. As a Christian, I think my purpose is to love God and love those I encounter. But some people, my husband included, seem to have a drive to find a purpose more along the lines of your son. Have you read this book? It's Christian, but I think especially good for people like your son, if I am "reading" him right from what you wrote. If your library carries it, maybe you could read (it's pretty quick) and see if some of her ideas could be communicated to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I'd be empathetic. It's normal to feel sad or even down for no understandable reason. The human body is affected by many things; hormones, food, sleep, exercise, keeping your mind busy/boredom, our environment. Then I'd tell him that human beings spend a lot of time rattling around until we come to the hole that fits. One of the biggest 'jobs' or 'points' to being a child or teen is to be observant, try things out, analyze things, and look for those things (and people and organizations and jobs) which fit. We watch people to see what we can admire in them. We listen to stories. We look for things we can do and people we can help. We try to take care of our bodies so we can feel our best. Finding what we're here for is part of the journey of being a human being. There are lots of ordinary steps in this journey, ones that don't seem very important but are a part of getting to where we need to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Cough that won't go away...allergy meds possibly helping...this "screams" asthmatic cough. Was a rescue inhaler tried? Did pulmonology evaluate for asthma? Yes, we were thinking the same thing, too (asthma). Again, just like the mild depression, DH's side of the family has asthma/allergy issues. We did a quick test in the doctor's office where he breathed into something or other (forgot the name of it) and the cough wasn't asthma at that time. I'm a little blurry about asthma. It seems like some coughs are "asthma coughs" and some aren't (?). I need to research. The doctor said we need to start somewhere with figuring this out and we decided to start with allergies. We have a follow up after a few weeks of allergy meds to see if that worked before we start rounds of testing to find a dx. He tried some albuterol during the worst of the coughing and it didn't seem to touch it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 For Christians, the point of life is coming into communion with God. You said that he believes "that God...has some sort of plan for his life," but then you say that your personal understanding is that we're human beings not human doings. Is our purpose to fulfill God's plan for our life (doing) or is it as you say, being? Well, I'd say probably a little of both, but the being (and the being in communion with God) is our ultimate goal. For Orthodox Christians, this being is found in the life of the church -- through her sacraments, through attending services, through the liturgical cycles, through the lives of the saints, through the prayers throughout the day, etc. For example, the sacrament of confession/reconciliation. Through this sacrament, I learn to recognize (first) and die (after that) to the sin that is in me. And not only that, but I receive forgiveness and atonement for sin. I get cleaned up! That puts me closer in my journey toward communion with God. Same with the Eucharist. Through preparation for and reception of the Holy Mysteries, I receive Christ, which too brings me toward communion with God. I pray your son will find peace and joy on his journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Yes, we were very concerned about The Cough That Wouldn't Go Away. Right now the doctor is having him take over the counter allergy meds every day to see if this is allergy related or not. This is the 2nd winter of The Cough that Wouldn't Go Away. He's been on Claritin for about a week and he hasn't coughed much this week. I have a child who gets a lingering cough after a cold. It's one possible symptom of mild asthma. In any case, feeling down physically can affect how one feels emotionally. There's really nothing he lights up about that would translate to answering his question "why am I here?" I mean, he lights up like a firecracker about Doctor Who and Minecraft, but that's about it. We're not a homeschooling family with kids who start their own businesses and put on piano concerts at the age of 14. Very average family here without much drive. However, we will start to look around us and see if anything lights him up as we research ways to help the community. Doctor Who and Minecraft! I love it! It sounds like he's a science fiction, fantasy, mechanics kind of kid. Maybe these are the things that inspire his thoughts, daydreams, and imagination. I personally think volunteering should be a natural outcome of how one responds to their community, not a matter of finding something useful to do. Besides, he could be spending this time developing that engineering brain of his in a way that will help out his greater community after he gets a college degree, kwim? For a short and sweet answer to the question, I'd say "Your purpose is to learn as much as you can while you can. We're here to help you do that. As far as there being a purpose to life, I think that's a made up concept anyway. In a way, we have a choice to either reach out and fix the problems we see, or enjoy what we can. Most of us try to find a balance between both, as doing one can burn us out, and doing the other is, well, a bit mean and cold-hearted. At this age, I'd let him enjoy his experiences, watch him connect the dots, and offer him some insight here and there as you see it would help his development, but academic and personal. Focusing on being a responsible, courteous, compassionate person can happen anywhere. Look for opportunities to vocalize what he does that seems to give him deep personal satisfaction, and that can include helping others. Thank you to everyone for all the responses. Raising the kids has been easy so far--it's been mostly about their physical and educational needs. I think we're just now entering the philosophical part of raising kids. (Why am I here? What is life about? Is it all an accident? Even if it is an accident, what then? Etc.) This is where the fun really starts. Fasten your seatbelt and enjoy the ride! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 7, 2014 Author Share Posted February 7, 2014 Doctor Who and Minecraft! I love it! It sounds like he's a science fiction, fantasy, mechanics kind of kid. He sure is. And while he still has serious questions, he's been having fun pointing out that he already knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It's 42. I have read all the responses to him and he is very appreciative of what others have to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
albeto. Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 He sure is. And while he still has serious questions, he's been having fun pointing out that he already knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It's 42. I have read all the responses to him and he is very appreciative of what others have to say. But does he have a towel? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 He sure is. And while he still has serious questions, he's been having fun pointing out that he already knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It's 42. I have read all the responses to him and he is very appreciative of what others have to say. Does he have a towel? (Blue, preferably) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nerdybird Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 Watch for falling vases.... Anyway.... I would recommend reading "Do Hard Things" and "Start Here". They are by the same authors, very motivated homeschooled teenage brothers named Brett and Alex. I read them some years ago at the suggestion of a friend while going through some serious depression. They advocate teens and tween pursuing things that they are passionate about and using that passion to do big/hard things for God, their families, their communities, etc. I also recommend doing something creative. Learn to play an instrument. Build a Tardis. Start playing a new board game (Settlers of Catan, anyone? How about HeroClix?) Write some poetry or short stories. Take a NaNoWriMo Challenge (they have some especially for teens and genre-specific ones for all ages throughout the year.) And epic challenges like Milwordy (million words in a year) for the word nerds of the world. Take up a new sport or hobby. Btw, there are two points in life: A (birth) and B (death). It's pattern of your line inbetween the two that matters the most. Sure, you can take a direct route and that's one way to get there, but the more twists, turns, hills, bumps, breaks, and meanderings, the more interesting the graphic, imo. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 You are an awesome mom. I mean, I'm sure you didn't need a stranger on the Internet to tell you that. ;-) But really, the fact that you took him seriously and without judgement... And you are formulating a plan to help him, just in case it is a bigger issue. That is the kind of mom I respect , admire, and hope to be. I agree, Garga. You are rocking it. :) Some of what we all need in life is for someone to know us at a heart level, to listen to the things that we think and feel and to know what is important to us. You are definitely doing that with your son. Some of these things are just a struggle, I think, which I realized as I walked through my ds's difficult period (and the same with my two older kids). There are things that we cannot "fix" as moms, things that don't necessarily need fixing because they are universal experiences. Kids going from a concrete developmental phase to an abstract one like your ds can need the assurance that what they are experiencing is "normal". I think it is a great sign of mental health and speaks to the relationship you have with him that he talks to you about his thoughts and feelings very freely. In the end, what we have to offer each other is (as AA says) experience, strength and hope. And love, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 As a Christian, I believe we were all created in God's image. So I believe a fruitful life is one in which one goes about bearing God's image. And we can do this in the most mundane activities. When I am cleaning my house, I try to remind myself that, if you read Genesis literally, God tasked Adam and Eve with caretaking a garden. I can think about caring for my house that way - trying to make the dirty clean, the old renewed, the unloved lovable. And when I do this, I am, in way, bearing the image of God. When I am feeding my family, I am feeding the saints. When I write a note to a grieving friend, I am bearing the image of a loving God. When I am waiting for a gutter repair person, I am working to tend to the "garden" I have been given. The days I manage to think this way are my better days. I definitely have more brooding days when I think about how we all die, how we leave very little trace when we do so - apart from our "stuff," which we leave too much of. Even the people who we love and serve and have an affect on, they die too. So our work passes away into time, and in that sense, it does seem that our love, our work, our suffering, is irrelevant and unimpressive. It is humbling. Does it matter in this life on this planet how great of a mother someone was that lived 200 years ago and died in obscurity? Probably not a great way to think about the world:) As far as volunteer work, are their refugees resettled in your area? My children were about the age of your son when I was asked to "mentor" a refugee boy. He actually was older than my sons, but over time, "mentoring" ended up meaning just spending time with him - speaking English with him, being patient, listening, learning from him, helping him navigate a new world and a school that simply didn't have resources to meet his needs. Six years later, he is still part of our lives, and is just a friend - a friend who has managed life in American much better because of that friendly interaction. My kids taught him the rules of basketball, taught him to fish, taught him to play board games. But he has really taught us more, and is truly one of the dearest people I have ever known. Obviously this is sort of a family thing - not something you can just drop your son off for, but I would look into it. That kind of "life on life" ministry can be very trying - you can never meet all the needs of another needy family. It's a long term commitment. But it also changes lives. I am pretty sure my kids have no idea that our friendship started as a sort of "ministry" because over time, the right relationship stops being a "project" and just becomes a friend, and a good part of one's life. But however it starts, I do think it has blessed all of us in both families more than volunteering at a library or serving food at a homeless shelter - not that these aren't also great ways to serve and necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 I believe the point of life is to self actualise. To increase our knowledge, understanding of and ability to care about ourselves, our world and the other beings that inhabit it, and do something useful with it. For example, a boy who has a nasty recurring cough can learn about his immune system, can learn about methods of enhancing his immune system, can ask his mum to acquire some water kefir grains, can take charge of brewing it and experimenting with techniques to make it tastier, techniques to make it more convenient for busy family members to consume, and can observe them to note any changes in their health. That is very worthy work for the basic price of water, sugar, a bit of fruit, all of which you'd have in the house most of the time anyway, and the initial outlay to purchase the crystals if you can't scrounge them for free. Best of all, it doesn't require you to drive him anywhere you weren't going and doesn't give you any more responsibility than buying some extra groceries and a few glass jars.He might not want to, of course, :p but he could. Things like this can lead to community and at the very least give him something to give as Christmas presents. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 It's a small thing, but www.freerice.com can let him combine study with charity. Might be a starting point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Are you close to a YMCA? At our Y there are great opportunities for tweens and teens to volunteer and to get exercise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 To answer a few questions: There is a tendency to mild depression on DH's side of the family. I will be keeping a close eye on this. Yes, we were very concerned about The Cough That Wouldn't Go Away. Right now the doctor is having him take over the counter allergy meds every day to see if this is allergy related or not. This is the 2nd winter of The Cough that Wouldn't Go Away. He's been on Claritin for about a week and he hasn't coughed much this week. There's really nothing he lights up about that would translate to answering his question "why am I here?" I mean, he lights up like a firecracker about Doctor Who and Minecraft, but that's about it. We're not a homeschooling family with kids who start their own businesses and put on piano concerts at the age of 14. Very average family here without much drive. However, we will start to look around us and see if anything lights him up as we research ways to help the community. I will be talking with him more about the "meaning of life." My personal beliefs are that were are here to be human "beings." To just "be." Not human "doings." Human beings. To putter around and enjoy what we can in life just for the sake of life. But that is balanced with taking a look beyond ourselves and helping others who may need help. We aren't here to run ourselves in the ground in a life of sacrifice, but we're also not here to live an entirely selfish life. I could be wrong, but that's how I have always seen it. I sense that ds11 is feeling the same way and realizing that he's a little off balance. His life is all about himself right now (as is normal for children) and he's ready to take a look around and balance tending to his own life with doing something to help others. Thank you to everyone for all the responses. Raising the kids has been easy so far--it's been mostly about their physical and educational needs. I think we're just now entering the philosophical part of raising kids. (Why am I here? What is life about? Is it all an accident? Even if it is an accident, what then? Etc.) Your son sounds like a perfectly normal 11yo who is feeling kind of bored, and wants to do something new and different. I think it's wonderful that you're taking his concerns so seriously and that you want to help him feel better. :hurray: You are an awesome mom. I mean, I'm sure you didn't need a stranger on the Internet to tell you that. ;-) But really, the fact that you took him seriously and without judgement... And you are formulating a plan to help him, just in case it is a bigger issue. That is the kind of mom I respect , admire, and hope to be. :iagree: You said it better than I could have said it! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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