Would you skip a Thanksgiving dinner invite if the host was sick with something contagious?

[Heart_Mom]

Short Question:

Is it reasonable to stay home from Thanksgiving dinner if the host is sick with something contagious? 

 

 

 

More Detail:

So we're planning to go to a close family member's house for a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I was originally thinking that we were going to have to stay home because we recently had a pink eye/cold type virus. Everyone's been symptom-free since yesterday, so I was thinking we were okay to go. 

 

Then the host came down with something Tuesday that was bad enough that she had to stay home from work to go to the doctor and sleep the rest of the day. She's feeling somewhat better, but is still having congestion and a sore throat. Even if she's feeling better by tomorrow, I'm thinking someone else in her family could be coming down with it (or about to come down with it and be contagious).

 

So what are the chances that my little kids and her little kids won't exchange germs and we'll come home with something that will take 2 or 3 weeks to go through our whole family? 

 

Anyway, I would really like to see them, but I really, really don't want to do another virus right now. My tendency is to stay home if I know someone's sick and therefore someone in my family is likely to catch something (like the stomach bug we came home from Thanksgiving dinner with a few years ago!).

 

I'm wondering if you would generally not even take into account the likelihood of catching something, or if you would skip an event if you know someone's actively sick. 

 

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

[AlmiraGulch]

I voted that I wouldn't go, but that was before I read your post.

 

Is the host sick with something contagious?  Are you sure it's viral?  Even if it is, the primary contagion period may very well be over.

 

Also, I don't stay locked up in my house, and any number of people in the general public are sick at any given time.  People who touch door handles and shopping car handles and merchandise on shelves and so on. 

 

Now of course you don't typically share a meal with those people, but with proper food handling, and maybe a little extra hand washing, depending on what she has you will likely be fine if you go.  I probably would, to answer your question.

[Laurie4b]

I wouldn't worry about that level of illness, no. If it was a stomach bug, on the other hand, no way.

[TracyP]

Other...It depends how sick we are talking. We will have 12 children from 4 different families at our home when we celebrate Thanksgiving on Saturday. I already assume that the kids will all have a cold next week. So if we are talking regular cold - I would go. OTOH, if we are talking flu or horrible stomach bug, I would want to stay away. In your case, with a tired and congested for a day type sickness, I would be fine with going.

 

I should add that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is often the only time of the year that my siblings and I all get together. It would take A LOT for me to bow out. My feelings would change if I was so-so about the whole ordeal anyway.

[Kathryn]

Other. If the person was actually actively sick and preparing food, I'd stay home. I wouldn't have a problem with the situation you described.

[Heart_Mom]

 

 

Is the host sick with something contagious?  Are you sure it's viral?  Even if it is, the primary contagion period may very well be over.

 

 

 

I know she's sick with sore throat and congestion. I'm not sure it's viral. I'm assuming that sore throat and congestion symptoms are generally caused by something contagious (unless it allergy congestion). Am I right about that?

 

I guess what I'm really wondering is not so much what you would do in this particular situation, but how you would generally handle a situation like this when someone hosting is sick. I'm wondering if some people would be inclined to automatically just go because their desire to be with family would trump their desire to avoid illness spreading through their family. 

[Heart_Mom]

Other...It depends how sick we are talking. We will have 12 children from 4 different families at our home when we celebrate Thanksgiving on Saturday. I already assume that the kids will all have a cold next week. So if we are talking regular cold - I would go. OTOH, if we are talking flu or horrible stomach bug, I would want to stay away. In your case, with a tired and congested for a day type sickness, I would be fine with going.

 

I should add that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is often the only time of the year that my siblings and I all get together. It would take A LOT for me to bow out. My feelings would change if I was so-so about the whole ordeal anyway.

 

I agree with you. If it's just a cold where we'd have a minor sore throat and some congestion ... that's no big deal. If it's something like what we had over the winter last year ... no way. I don't know what we caught last year, but it was the most horrible illness I've ever had. Yikes! It wasn't strep, but I have never had a sore throat like that in my whole life (plus coughing, fever, aches, etc.).

[Tammyla]

It's your call of course, and only you can decide if going is worth dealing with the illness at your house. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Usually I wouldn't go.  I catch everything. But it is mostly dependent on type and seriousness of illness.

[Loowit]

I avoid going if I know someone is sick.  My youngest has pretty bad asthma and usually ends up with extra medication and a doctor visit even with a cold.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I voted no before I read also.  I assumed she was at the height of her sickness, and I wondered why a guest would have to cancel--if the host were sick, she should be the one cancelling.  But with her two days past feeling her worst, I'd go.  It can't be worse than taking little kids anywhere out in public where you have no idea what germs they are picking up.  I wouldn't go with the assumption that my kids would come home sick.  My kids are older now, but I never thought that way (otherwise we never would have gone anywhere!!).

 

 

[AlmiraGulch]

I know she's sick with sore throat and congestion. I'm not sure it's viral. I'm assuming that sore throat and congestion symptoms are generally caused by something contagious (unless it allergy congestion). Am I right about that?

 

I guess what I'm really wondering is not so much what you would do in this particular situation, but how you would generally handle a situation like this when someone hosting is sick. I'm wondering if some people would be inclined to automatically just go because their desire to be with family would trump their desire to avoid illness spreading through their family. 

 

I see.  I think it depends.  Thanksgiving is special to me, so it would take a lot to get me to bow out.  A regular Thursday?  Maybe I wouldn't chance it unless I didn't see the people often, and this would be my only chance.  In that case, I may still go. 

 

I agree with others that it would depend on the illness and the stage and severity of it.  Stomach thing?  No way, no how, regardless of holiday.  Actual flu?  If it were beyond the first few days, I'd still probably go.  If it were within the first 72 hours, I may not.   But the only absolute deal breaker for me would be something stomach or intestinal.  

[Guest]

Two asthmatics here (myself and dd), and one of the biggest triggers is colds/virus.  I would stay home simply because it isn't worth being miserable, having to get prednisone shot, etc that inevitably comes with me being exposed to things like that.  

[boscopup]

Our host had a stomach bug the day before we arrived - she didn't tell us until we got there Wednesday! We stayed overnight in a hotel, then got a call in the morning that her husband had the stomach bug. She ended up meeting us at Cracker Barrel instead of having lunch at her house. I wish she'd called us Tuesday and rescheduled the meal. I'm feeling the need to wrap my kids' room in plastic tarps. :tongue_smilie:

[regentrude]

Just cold and congestion? I find it impossible to avoid people with colds and congestion during normal activities (like work) anyway, so I would go to the Thanksgiving dinner. that's what the immune system is for, and the occasional colds are to be expected during winter.

 

I would not go if the person preparing food suffered from a stomach virus.

[8circles]

I voted No, I wouldn't go.  But not because I of fear of catching the illness.  I'm grossed-out by sharing food with people that are visibly sick when they might have had a hand in preparing the meal.  It just feels sqwicky.  But the truth is I'd probably be outvoted & just go anyway, but wouldn't fully enjoy it.

[Janie Grace]

I voted that I'd go because I read your post. Just based on the question (the host IS SICK with something contagious), I would have said no. But I don't think sick on Tuesday but feeling better now (and kids might be carrying) carries the same level of concern. I'd prep the kids on hand-washing, not sharing cups, etc. and go anyway.

[FaithManor]

I voted no because of the setting. When I am out in public I use a lot of hand sanitizer and other people

do not handle my things. I wipe down cart handles and such. The kids are trained to do the same. Hand

washing is some of the best protection. But in an intimate family setting, Ai find everyone to be very

relaxed...handling each others plates, everyone touching the serving bowls and spoons, no hand washing in between, shoulder to shoulder at the table, little kids touching everything on the table, lots of hugging,

....it's a lot of togetherness with very few people being vigilant. It seems like the kids and I can go

out and about in public with our hand sanitizer and rarely come down with anything, but a family meal

with a sick person and in particular if there are little ones and yep, we get sick. So we tend to shy

away from invitations to homes when that family is likely to be passing flu, steep, bronchitis, tonsilitis, etc. around the members.

 

Faith

[KungFuPanda]

I'd go. She seemed to have a quick turn around and was feeling better. I wouldn't cancel a family Thanksgiving over a quick cold. You could stay home and still catch a cold the following week! I would bail over a stomach bug, strep, or pink eye.

[busymama7]

I wish I had been given the choice last year :( we showed up not knowing our nephew had been sick and his mom was so sick on thanksgiving she couldn't cook any of the food. I didn't care about having to help take over the kitchen but we all came down with it too. It was the sickest I had been in a long long time.

 

Which would have been bad enought BUT we had a 3 week old baby(who thankfully didn't get sick) and my husband had been passing a kidneys stone literally as I was in labor. An hour after the (home) birth he has to go back to the hospital for more pain meds, was out of work well over a week etc. it seems like he had just gone back to work when we got sick and he missed another week.

 

I wish she had let us know how sick they were and we would have moved it to our house. We had asked them to do it because of our new baby but retrospectively it would have been easier to host then get that sick.

But the situation you describe I would probably risk it. They were much sicker :(

[momtoamiracle]

No way! I would not go. Viruses can hang around for over a week after symptoms disappear. My son has gotten sick many times in the same situation. Thankfully he seems to be outgrowing his propensity for sinus infections, but before last year, every single cold turned into a sinus infection. It's me that stays up all night with a sick kid.

 

 

I would make plans to visit another time, I don't care what day it is. I detest illness of any kind and I do my best to avoid it.

 

 

My son has a cold right now, so I'm a bit aggravated...

[Tammi K]

No one on our family is immuno-compromised in any way, so that of course colors my opinion. But, generally I figure that if we avoid everyone who has a cold, just got over a cold, or has been exposed to a cold we would never leave the house. I would go, have a good time, keep my hands away from my eyes and mouth, and wash my hands a lot - and tell my kiddos to do the same.

[Heart_Mom]

Our host had a stomach bug the day before we arrived - she didn't tell us until we got there Wednesday! We stayed overnight in a hotel, then got a call in the morning that her husband had the stomach bug. She ended up meeting us at Cracker Barrel instead of having lunch at her house. I wish she'd called us Tuesday and rescheduled the meal. I'm feeling the need to wrap my kids' room in plastic tarps. :tongue_smilie:

I'm so sorry she didn't reschedule! This would really frustrate me. 

[Heart_Mom]

Just cold and congestion? I find it impossible to avoid people with colds and congestion during normal activities (like work) anyway, so I would go to the Thanksgiving dinner. that's what the immune system is for, and the occasional colds are to be expected during winter.

 

I would not go if the person preparing food suffered from a stomach virus.

I agree with you if it's just cold and congestion, but it was bad enough for her to stay home from work on Tuesday, go see her dr., and sleep for much of the day. It seems more serious to me than just a simple cold. 

 

I guess my thoughts are being colored by the fact that we are finally over something that took 2 1/2 weeks just to get through our family. 

[Catherine]

Only if it was a stomach virus. I assume colds are part of the landscape when one has small children and it wouldn't be enough to make me not come to a major family event. But, Thanksgiving is big here, there are a minimum of 6 kids, often more, and none of us has major complications after colds.

 

It reminds me that 3 years ago one of the kids came down Thanksgiving morning and promptly vomited in my dining room! It wasn't a great holiday for her but she was quarantined (and sleeping) for the day and no one else got sick. I consider that a small miracle.

[Heart_Mom]

No one on our family is immuno-compromised in any way, so that of course colors my opinion. But, generally I figure that if we avoid everyone who has a cold, just got over a cold, or has been exposed to a cold we would never leave the house. I would go, have a good time, keep my hands away from my eyes and mouth, and wash my hands a lot - and tell my kiddos to do the same.

 

 

I voted that I'd go because I read your post. Just based on the question (the host IS SICK with something contagious), I would have said no. But I don't think sick on Tuesday but feeling better now (and kids might be carrying) carries the same level of concern. I'd prep the kids on hand-washing, not sharing cups, etc. and go anyway.

 

The thing is that as of yesterday she was still having symptoms, so I would say she still is sick (at least as of yesterday). Also, not all of my children are old enough to be able to take precautions like keeping their hands away from their mouths, etc. This would be very different if it was just me and my husband going. 

[Mom0012]

I know she's sick with sore throat and congestion. I'm not sure it's viral. I'm assuming that sore throat and congestion symptoms are generally caused by something contagious (unless it allergy congestion). Am I right about that?

 

I guess what I'm really wondering is not so much what you would do in this particular situation, but how you would generally handle a situation like this when someone hosting is sick. I'm wondering if some people would be inclined to automatically just go because their desire to be with family would trump their desire to avoid illness spreading through their family.

My desire to be with my family on the holidays would definitely be greater than my desire to avoid a cold. I wouldn't even consider not going for a cold. The only thing that would keep me away is if someone was actively sick or had been actively sick within less than 24 hours with a stomach virus. In my family , if that person was hosting, we'd just reschedule the holiday until the weekend.

[boscopup]

I'm so sorry she didn't reschedule! This would really frustrate me. 

 

It's especially frustrating me since my 4 year old just threw up this morning!!!

 

If she had called Tuesday and said she was throwing up, we would have rescheduled and avoided this mess. Now, I'm probably going to have a not-so-fun weekend.

 

On a good note, the 4 year old made it to the bathroom (not to the toilet, but to the bathroom).

[creekland]

I'd go.  I work in our local public high school and we attend church weekly plus do the basics of shopping, etc.

 

There's nothing we aren't exposed to anyway and I refuse to let worrying about life make me miss actually living life.

 

I assume if the host had the flu or something of similar impact that they'd be cancelling.

 

If someone were immune compromised, that would be different too.

 

Otherwise, there's very, very little that would make me miss family gathering times.

[Heart_Mom]

It's especially frustrating me since my 4 year old just threw up this morning!!!

 

If she had called Tuesday and said she was throwing up, we would have rescheduled and avoided this mess. Now, I'm probably going to have a not-so-fun weekend.

 

On a good note, the 4 year old made it to the bathroom (not to the toilet, but to the bathroom).

I'm so sorry your 4 year old is sick. :(

[Heart_Mom]

I'd go.  I work in our local public high school and we attend church weekly plus do the basics of shopping, etc.

 

There's nothing we aren't exposed to anyway and I refuse to let worrying about life make me miss actually living life.

 

I assume if the host had the flu or something of similar impact that they'd be cancelling.

 

If someone were immune compromised, that would be different too.

 

Otherwise, there's very, very little that would make me miss family gathering times.

I think I am generally more concerned about sickness than the average person. We have a baby and an elderly relative living here who can struggle with illness, so that plays into it some. 

 

We've decided to go today. None of the rest of her family has gotten sick so far, so hopefully we're in the clear. 

 

Thanks for all your input, everyone. Lots for me to think about. :)

[wintermom]

I wouldn't worry about that level of illness, no. If it was a stomach bug, on the other hand, no way.

 

This exactly. I hate stomach bugs and especially when the person handling food/eating items is the sick one. I've had bad experiences with this.

[Crimson Wife]

I'm sorry your family is sick, what a bummer!

 

One of my cousins exposed my then 2 week old DS to bronchitis at Thanksgiving (thank goodness he didn't catch it) so I'm of the opinion that if you're feeling under the weather with something contagious, you shouldn't go to big family gatherings.