Joanne Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Yesterday was the best day so far in terms of pain; but I did too much and suffered for it late last night. OTOH, I slept the best I did since the accident. I met with the personal injury attorney today. He came to my home. I hate to "go that way" and be in that space, but I have no options, really. The property part of the claim will be settled soon. The amount State Farm is giving me for my totalled car is less than the lien on the car. Fortunately, I have gap insurance on the car loan and it will cover the difference. I won't have to pay for a car I don't have possession of. I won't have a down payment on a new (to me) vehicle. (Please, don't talk to me about no debt - it is not a theory I embrace in terms of vehicles - not as an absolute, across the board thing. I tried the beater car, and it did not work for my transportation needs as a single mom in Houston). I won't have Adrian's disability income on the application and my child support does not have a good payment record. I am very anxious about getting a replacement vehicle. I can get a ride to job #1, and start back next week. Job #2 is much, much more difficult. I have an office across town, biut marketing/outreach is part of the job.In terms of my private practice, I will start aggressively marketing it soon, hoping to be off my walker and able to secure a ride to that office. Kids have been great, and community support amazing. ETA: Weight loss update. I came home having lost 4 pounds. I made good (not low carb, necessarily but good) choices in the hospital.) I immediately returned to low carb/personal trainer food. I have since lost another 2 pounds. This is assisted by my not having much appetite. I am down a total of 17 pounds from start. This is more than I have been able to lose since my 30's, in spite of 100% compliance on low carb or WW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I am still amazed and impressed with how well you are handling it all. You are an inspiration to me. I hope your pain continues to decrease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 You are a rock star for how much grace you can muster up in a seeming shit storm. I hope your recovery goes well and the car thing is figured out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 How are things with Adrian? I've been afraid to ask, but I'm really wondering. Praying for you. You really need a break! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 How are things with Adrian? I've been afraid to ask, but I'm really wondering. Praying for you. You really need a break! That's what I keep thinking too! I hope that your recovery continues in the positive direction and that you can figure out trans. soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Don't worry about needing to go the route of a personal injury lawyer. I did the same after ds10s accident. I am very glad I did. While we received a couple small insurance payments right off to cover things like the cost of his cast etc, the rest will be coming in his settlement. Had I left it be at the time and gone along with the assumption kids heal fast etc I would have been wrong. Ds10 has pain still over 2 year after the accident. We will be seeing a specialist to check him out further and find out why. It is slowly improving, down to 2-3 days a week instead of 3-4 but still, it is not good to still have. Because his career paths, sports etc are all affected by the pain he has in the leg that was broken in the accident he will be using his settlement to pay for college when he choses a new career path. I am grateful for that. His settlement will go into trust but a portion goes to me to account for gas to and from appts, lost time from work when I had to stay home and care for him in the wheelchair etc. The bulk of your settlement from this will be years down the line, they typically have to wait 2 years to see if you actually properly recover etc, but those years go by quickly and you will be happy you went this route if you have any sort of complications in your healing etc. Had the guy that hit the van ds was in shown any sort of compassion at the time of the accident I likely wouldn't have gone this route, but seeing him smirk watching them load my boy up into an ambulance was enough to put me over the edge. Initially I wanted revenge, but within a couple months when we saw how severe things really were and that he was not healing like they assumed he would etc I was so glad I did this because it meant securing his future. You are doing the same thing, securing your future due to the results of this crash. You are feeling okay right now, but you don't know if 2 years in you will be dealing with nerve pain, still having issues with employment as a result of that, etc. So all of that to say you are making the right choice imo so don't feel badly about it.Cars, with so much community support, is there anyone that has been stepping up to help that perhaps has a vehicle in decent condition they were selling that would work with you in paying for it? That way you aren't trying to qualify for loans etc and still not going for a beater kwim. Or someone who would loan you one they weren't using anyway for a few months so you can get back to work and afford to pay it off when you are back on your feet. On the weight loss, good job! I am sure it will help your healing too, less weight to support means easier time on all those breaks to support your body and heal. Keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 How are things with Adrian? I've been afraid to ask, but I'm really wondering. Praying for you. You really need a break! Sigh. I fought so hard for him; his health and his access to services. I have not shared much here about how, why and the context of the marriage ending. To be honest, though, I was concerned about employment/professionalism issus BEFORE we found out he was so sick. First, he is medically stable at the moment, and the season of being in and out of the hospital weekly has ceased, at least for now. I think he's looking for, or recently secured part time work. The effects of chronic elevated toxins (hepatic enchephalopathy) took a toll on his brain. He experienced a personality change that is not reversible. The brain's chronic exposure to toxins seemed to exaggerate and distort some quirks that are a challenge to successful, mature relationships. I think he may have memory issues similar with dementia. He made some decisions and did some things that are incompatible with marriage and incompatible with being a functional step dad. I asked him to leave last Spring. He stayed with his son for a period of time, but came back to this area later in the summer. We are cordial. It's a unique grief. I try to remember how beneficial he was to my family during the first year or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Sigh. I fought so hard for him; his health and his access to services. I have not shared much here about how, why and the context of the marriage ending. To be honest, though, I was concerned about employment/professionalism issus BEFORE we found out he was so sick. First, he is medically stable at the moment, and the season of being in and out of the hospital weekly has ceased, at least for now. I think he's looking for, or recently secured part time work. The effects of chronic elevated toxins (hepatic enchephalopathy) took a toll on his brain. He experienced a personality change that is not reversible. The brain's chronic exposure to toxins seemed to exaggerate and distort some quirks that are a challenge to successful, mature relationships. I think he may have memory issues similar with dementia. He made some decisions and did some things that are incompatible with marriage and incompatible with being a functional step dad. I asked him to leave last Spring. He stayed with his son for a period of time, but came back to this area later in the summer. We are cordial. It's a unique grief. I try to remember how beneficial he was to my family during the first year or two. :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I can't imagine. That is a unique grief. We are praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I'm so glad that you won't have to pay for a car you can't drive! I'm also glad you are losing weight, since you want to! Praying that you get a down payment for a car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Glad you are back home and moving forward. Will pray specifically for your car. So sorry about Adrian. I'm sorry for your loss, his loss, all the pain . . . :grouphug: Continuing in prayer, friend . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Joanne, Thanks for your updates. I, too, had been wondering about Adrian. Best wishes in the weeks ahead as you recover. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Joanne, you have so much on your plate, and I follow your uodates with a lot of respect for the way you approach things. Hang in there. I wish I could bring you a hot meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Thanks for the updates. :grouphug: I'm still sending good thoughts for complete recovery and now for a workable vehicle situation for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 You know the best rule for hiring a personal injury attorney, right? You can barely stand being in the same room with the person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 :grouphug: Congratulations on the weight loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Sigh. I fought so hard for him; his health and his access to services. I have not shared much here about how, why and the context of the marriage ending. To be honest, though, I was concerned about employment/professionalism issus BEFORE we found out he was so sick. First, he is medically stable at the moment, and the season of being in and out of the hospital weekly has ceased, at least for now. I think he's looking for, or recently secured part time work. The effects of chronic elevated toxins (hepatic enchephalopathy) took a toll on his brain. He experienced a personality change that is not reversible. The brain's chronic exposure to toxins seemed to exaggerate and distort some quirks that are a challenge to successful, mature relationships. I think he may have memory issues similar with dementia. He made some decisions and did some things that are incompatible with marriage and incompatible with being a functional step dad. I asked him to leave last Spring. He stayed with his son for a period of time, but came back to this area later in the summer. We are cordial. It's a unique grief. I try to remember how beneficial he was to my family during the first year or two. That is so sad all around. (((hugs to you Joanne))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Joanne. I know it doesn't change anything, but you have our unwavering admiration and support. Pls let me know if I can do anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 :grouphug: you are one tough lady Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 :grouphug: Joanne :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted October 26, 2013 Share Posted October 26, 2013 Thanks for the update - and the inspiration. May you continue to feel better and may all go well with working out "new" situations. :grouphug: Are your kids doing better emotionally now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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