S/O If you don't play with your kids...

[Gentlemommy]

In another thread, I read that some of you don't play (pretend type things) with your kids. You'll read, facilitate things, provide them with experiences, idea, but you don't actually PLAY. SOOOOO...

 

For those of you that don't play with the kids (I hate doing so, so I'm asking from that POV) what do you tell them when they repeatedly ask??? My eldest (8 now) will constantly ask me or dh to play. When we point her to her sisters (5 and 2) she says they don't understand, they mess the board games up (which is true at times) ect. I offer to read to her, which works at times, but honestly, she'd want me to read to her for hours and I just can't! I've got things to do. Asking her to help doesn't work, because she wants to help with things I really don't need to do right ATM. Like baking. We can live without baking, but the toilets really DO need scrubbing! Lol. I feel bad always telling her no, and she feels rejected. :( I don't like that either.

We do go outside for a few hours everyday, and she can entertain herself out there no problem. We went to a park the other day and they were playing for hours at the stream, with rocks, sticks, flowers, and dirt. I can definitely see the wisdom in CM advice to spend six hours a day outside...however, life happens INside at times, and I must clean, cook, and do the three R's with them lol.

Can you explain how you handle the requests for adult attention/play? And how your kids respond? Thank you!

[Julie Smith]

I suppose it's easy for me because my boys have each other. 

I don't get bugged to play often, and when I do they are fine with a few minutes then are good to go for along time. 

[Ellie]

In another thread, I read that some of you don't play (pretend type things) with your kids. You'll read, facilitate things, provide them with experiences, idea, but you don't actually PLAY. SOOOOO...

 

For those of you that don't play with the kids (I hate doing so, so I'm asking from that POV) what do you tell them when they repeatedly ask??? My eldest (8 now) will constantly ask me or dh to play. When we point her to her sisters (5 and 2) she says they don't understand, they mess the board games up (which is true at times) ect. I offer to read to her, which works at times, but honestly, she'd want me to read to her for hours and I just can't! I've got things to do. Asking her to help doesn't work, because she wants to help with things I really don't need to do right ATM. Like baking. We can live without baking, but the toilets really DO need scrubbing! Lol. I feel bad always telling her no, and she feels rejected. :( I don't like that either.

We do go outside for a few hours everyday, and she can entertain herself out there no problem. We went to a park the other day and they were playing for hours at the stream, with rocks, sticks, flowers, and dirt. I can definitely see the wisdom in CM advice to spend six hours a day outside...however, life happens INside at times, and I must clean, cook, and do the three R's with them lol.

Can you explain how you handle the requests for adult attention/play? And how your kids respond? Thank you!

 

By the time my dc were old enough to actually have the language to be able to ask, they were used to entertaining themselves, and I mean that in the best possible way. :-) My dds would come to me for hugs and to talk about things and all that, but from the beginning, when they were little babies, if they were content by themselves, I let them be by themselves.

 

If my 8yo child had repeatedly asked me to do anything, we'd be having some eyeball-to-eyeball discussions about how when we say no, we mean no, and nagging will only bring sadness.

[Farrar]

I just say no and send them on their way.  It's different now than when they were younger.  I would play with them occasionally then, but not often.

 

I think there are two needs when they ask to play.  First, they're bored.  In which case, I would get things out for them, suggest things, or send them outside (or take them to the playground when they were younger).  I do see that as my job.

 

Second, that they want my attention.  In which case, I would offer to read, or would offer to watch if they made a "show" or I would do something else with them like sit and draw together, or I would play a board game or a card game.  That's my big exception - we all enjoy board games together and have for quite awhile.  To me, that's different from running around, playing pretend, etc.  And I enjoy board games myself - like the other day, one of my ds bested me at Ticket to Ride.  That was excellent.

 

ETA: Sometimes dinner has to be cooked, messes cleaned, etc. and giving attention isn't an option.  Those are the times that I would just put my foot down and draw a boundary line, as a PP was saying.  But I think being willing to engage in other ways outside of when I really needed to get something done gave me the authority to do that so that my kids, by about age 3.5 or so, usually were pretty good about respecting that.

[AK_Mom4]

Yeah, I don't play pretend or house or those things.  Even a tea party would drive me a bit bonkers.  My older kids played together and when DD12 came along, she entertained herself with those things. 

 

But a board or card game - yes, definitely.  DD12 learned how to play all those games as my "partner" when we played against her older siblings.  She learned the rules and how to play nice (OK - brutally competitive but fair) and to not mess up the board.  As she got bigger, she has been able to hold her own.

 

If your 5yo is in the mess-up-the-game stage, I would have her play as your partner against the 8yo - good training for them to be able to play together.

[abba12]

I don't play with my toddler, but I wouldn't mind playing a board game with a (mature) 8 year old. I see that as being different from getting on the floor and playing toddler or little kid games.

 

I remember as the eldest my parents would buy me board games that were too old for my younger siblings, and then no one would play with me... I was upset, not because of the lack of attention, but because I had these awesome new games and no one capable of playing them with me. I can count on one hand the number of times I got to play my new junior scrabble game after Christmas day. So, for that reason, even if you hate it I would try to indulge her in some of those games because there are some things she wants to do that she can't do with her younger siblings. Even as a teenager I found myself nagging my parents to play board games, not because I wanted their attention but because the next eldest sibling wasn't able to, and I was excited to play those particular things.

 

Sorry. I don't mind board/card games but I DO hate tea parties and playing 'cars' so I know where you're coming from. But as an eldest I kinda have a different perspective on this one.

 

[boscopup]

I'd play a board game if I wasn't in the middle of cooking or cleaning (ie, if I'm just piddling around on the computer, yes, I can play a board game ;) ).

 

If they ask me to play Hot Wheels with them, no. They have brothers for that. Of course, they don't ask, because from toddlerhood, it's been "No". They need to entertain themselves. I talk with them ALL the time, so we have a great relationship. We are silly together. We cook together sometimes (I don't like cooking with the kids, but I do think it's beneficial for them, so I get over it and let them "help", since I do want them to be able to cook for themselves and/or their wives one day!). We clean together. I don't, however, follow them around on the massive wooden play structure at the park. They can play on their own there. :)

[lorisuewho]

I have never played with my children, so I guess they don't expect me to as part of my job as being mom.  I know when they were even younger we went over to a friend's house and the mom was actually organizing games and playing with the children and my own were fascinated by this. 

 

I have often said I gave them the gift of siblings so they should go play with their "presents."

 

But truly, I don't think my role as a mother is less because I am not playmate.  I am still everything else.  I am teacher, reader, comforter, holder, rocker, singer, cook, etc. 

[Tiramisu]

With my youngest, especially, who doesn't always have someone at home to play with her during the day, I will play if I think she needs it. It's terrible to say, but I find it almost painful. I do it anyway. I just limit the time and let her know. Or, steer her to an activity that would be more manageable for me. 

[8filltheheart]

Well, I had a long response typed out and my computer restarted itself and I lost it.  :(

 

There is a difference between playing and playing.   We are a game loving family and one of the first questions asked on Saturday morning is "what game are we going to play today?"

 

But, I don't play with my kids.   Self-entertainment is a skill I expect my kids to start to master between 18 mos and 2/3.   My 3 yr old is going through a readjustment period right now b/c she is having to play by herself while we do school and she got used to playing wither her sisters all summer.   (she is not a typical 3 yr old.   She never parallel played, but would interact, imagine, and engage in their games even during toddlerhood.)

 

My kids spend hours pretending to be everything from fairies, to movie directors, to fashion designers, to the Narnia children, to explorers in the desert or Arctic or jungle, to princesses, etc   They dress-up---even until around age 12.   Even my 11 yo dd dresses up in character when she is playing.   She loves playing prairie times.   I posted about her playing a couple of yrs ago b/c it was hilarious and this is a very typical example of what my kids do.   I walked upstairs and she had strung a rope across the room and had stuffed animals hanging by their tails from hangers.   I asked what she was doing and she said, "smoking them."  LOL!

 

If I had an 8 yr old that complained about not having anyone to play with, I would sit down and explain to her exactly how children do go an play on their own with their imagination.   Give her ideas.   Tell her she can pretend to be a character from a story or she can write her own story to pretend.   I would eliminate all screen time and be firm about the fact that she needs to go play.

[Kathryn]

Like others said, I play board games or cards, but I don't play with toys or pretend play. My almost-8yo has learned to play with his just-turned-4yo brother pretty well. Little brother is occasionally still more destructive than older brother would like, but the more they play together, the more he learns. And in the afternoons, the boys next door are available for outside play.

I can probably count on one hand the number of times they've asked me to play. They do ask me to watch them or look at something they're excited about sometimes.

[Gentlemommy]

Thank you all for replying. My 5 year old is not the one that messes up the games, she's actually pretty good abut playing if she's old enough to understand the game. It's the 2 (almost 3) year old. She's a zoo!

We do Kid of the Day here, which each kid gets two nights a week to stay up late with mom and dad, and do whatever. Usually they pick iPad games, since they normally do not get iPad time. However, if dd8 wanted to, we would play a board/card game with her at those times...it's hard to play them during the day when dd2 is around. She wants to play, and either messes up the game or if we shoo her off, goes upstairs and gets quiet. Which always means disaster lol.

She also loves to "wrestle" and asks dh or I to do it daily. Dh will usually indulge for a few minutes, but it just seems like its never enough! If he wrestles for ten minutes, she wants 'just a few more minutes'???? If he wrestles for a few more minutes, she'll pout when times up again. I get it. Dh has been out of town working for much of the past year. She has taken it very hard, and gets worried she'll miss out on time with him. But we just moved to be closer to him, and hopefully he will be home more. I don't know....it seems like everything I read is so poetic, like 'treasure the time you have, it goes by so fast' or 'you'll never regret those tea parties' lol. Makes me doubt everything.

[cowboyjunki]

I have a 9 year old boy and a 4 year old girl.....it is so hard!  My son was raised until the age of 5 in my home daycare, so he always had playmates.  Even now he asks me to play action figures (I don't even know what that means!).  My daughter would love to have someone play with her who wanted to have tea parties and play house all day, but I just can't...I feel so bad saying no.  Those times make me wish I had more kids closer together in age...

[Tiramisu]

 I would eliminate all screen time and be firm about the fact that she needs to go play.

 

Yes, yes, yes! :iagree:

 

Screen time is the enemy of play. 

 

We have tried very much to limit the screen time in our home, depending on what else was going on in our lives we weren't always as strict as we could have been. We did limit gadgets, which helped a lot I think, mostly because it's been less for me to keep track on. 

 

What I have seen over the years is disheartening. As my kids get older, all of their friends have turned more and more towards electronics for fun and leisure. When they get together, the kids are all looking at screens ipods or iphones mostly and sometimes computers. One of mine thinks it's stupid, and the other is entranced and feels she is deprived because of all the things her friends have and how little she has. In any case, it's very sad. My kids like to play but their friends don't play. 

 

In this world, the more kids learn to play from a young age, the better.

[8filltheheart]

Seems terribly harsh all this me me me chat. If your child wants your attention and you continually say no then I imagine the child will soon stop seeking your attention in positive ways.

 

 

I don't play tea party or dress up or pretend and I refuse to play board games but you better believe I involve my dd in other activities to make up for it. I hope you all do too. It would be good to say so because this thread reads pretty harsh. Lol

 

Who has said they don't engage with their kids in other activities? 

[lorisuewho]

Seems terribly harsh all this me me me chat. If your child wants your attention and you continually say no then I imagine the child will soon stop seeking your attention in positive ways.

 

 

I don't play tea party or dress up or pretend and I refuse to play board games but you better believe I involve my dd in other activities to make up for it. I hope you all do too. It would be good to say so because this thread reads pretty harsh. Lol

 

I just went back and reread through this thread to see if this was true, but most people actually did post what they do to engage with their children, and no one said that they don't do any activities.

 

I am concerned if that is the perception I gave.  It certainly was not my intention.

[abba12]

Seems terribly harsh all this me me me chat. If your child wants your attention and you continually say no then I imagine the child will soon stop seeking your attention in positive ways.

 

 

I don't play tea party or dress up or pretend and I refuse to play board games but you better believe I involve my dd in other activities to make up for it. I hope you all do too. It would be good to say so because this thread reads pretty harsh. Lol

This is a s/o of a thread in the prek/k board and, yes, everyone there interacts in other ways.

 

We seem to have a constant dialogue at our house, always talking, discussing, questioning. We do things together, but they are projects, not free play, we cook, we go on walks, we do chores, we do art and craft, we sit and talk, dd loves watching me in the kitchen and smelling/tasting EVERYTHING while asking 'whats that?'. I cuddle or kiss at least a half dozen times at random points through the day. When we go shopping i am in a constant state of interaction, my kids dont sit quietly in the stroller while i do my thing. We talk a LOT. Dd regularly grabs my hand and says 'come on' to show me something, or we discuss new discoveries while i watch her in, say, the playground. We do read alouds and bedtime routines and singing/dancing time daily. I interact with these kids on a constant basis, and i love it. I just dont play.

[Gentlemommy]

Overall, her screen time is limited to one movie per day at rest time, and iPad time twice a week during kid of the day. Sometimes I'll let them play on/watch screens if we have a long drive somewhere, but generally we limit it. I'm sure that I could take them away completely for a time....

Yes, I don't want to be harsh in my treatment of her, she really is a good kid. She's helpful, she is kind, she listens for the most part. She is very sesnitive to how she's spoken to, and I honestly do not believe she is being manipulative in this situation. Maybe I could have a list of suggestions ready for her?

[LostSurprise]

Have you considered having a scheduled time together (playing or anything)? That way when she asks you can say, "X, I'm really looking forward to playing with you but I have to work right now. Think about what we'll do at that time or find a way to amuse yourself." 

 

Working around the house is working. Its okay to show your children that it is as important going outside to a job. Its also important to honor the fact that they want to be near you. 

 

[foxbridgeacademy]

I am 6 years older then my next sibling and 10 years older then the next one.  I learned early on how to play with small children.  my mother NEVER played with us and I think we're all the better for it.  Many of mine and my sisters' fondest memories is me teaching them how to play games, board and card games(they are still to this day my best friends).  I don't have a lot of memories of my youngest sister until she was about 3-3 1/2.  My mom entertained her while I entertained the middle sister.  So here's my suggestion, you set up a game/pretend play for the two older children, play 1 round or 10 minutes then take the baby and leave them to their own devices(let them shut the door to keep the baby out).  That 10 minutes helps them feel like you're involved but not necessary to their play, also it gives the baby time to be included but not so much as to become destructive.  If you're in the middle of chores then it should be a firm NO and then a requirement of help with either those chores or send her to entertain the baby.  She does need to learn boundaries and when it is the appropriate time for work versus play. 

Here's another idea, maybe she just wants to be near you, try giving her clay, crayons, pipe cleaners and pompoms, what ever, set her up near you. Do 1 project with her then invite the middle child to "take your place".  She got some 1/1 time with you and now she can transfer that time attention to the middle.  

I won't play pretend but I do board games, cards, legos, and sport type games.  What I hate doing is reading children s stories out loud.  So my kids have been blessed with the history of the British monarchy or the Battle of Little Round Top as their bedtime stories.

[Ellie]

Although Mr. Ellie and I did all the kinds of things discussed here with regards to being engaged with our children, we did not wrestle with them. Ever. I don't remember my brothers wrestling with anyone except each other, and even then not very often;  I don't remember my boy cousins, with whom I was closer than my brothers for many years, wrestling with anyone except each other. I cannot imagine any of the adults in my family wrestling with children. o_0 I know it happens, but it seems to me that a child who gets wound up when she wrestles and is never satisfied might need to learn a different way of interacting with her parents.

 

Or maybe I'm way off. Wouldn't be the first  time, lol.

[Farrar]

Overall, her screen time is limited to one movie per day at rest time, and iPad time twice a week during kid of the day. Sometimes I'll let them play on/watch screens if we have a long drive somewhere, but generally we limit it. I'm sure that I could take them away completely for a time....

Yes, I don't want to be harsh in my treatment of her, she really is a good kid. She's helpful, she is kind, she listens for the most part. She is very sesnitive to how she's spoken to, and I honestly do not believe she is being manipulative in this situation. Maybe I could have a list of suggestions ready for her?

 

I would make a bored jar for her with ideas of things to do.  One thing that helps for my kids is when the game or activity has a piece at the end where they get to show it off.  So not just play dress up, but dress up and give a runway show that I'll watch.  Or not just draw a picture, but draw lots of pictures and make an "art gallery" that I get to come and visit.

 

I will add in response to the PP's, that we have not found that screen time is the enemy of play here.  We do limit screens, but my kids have a relatively generous allowance of screen time and it has never hampered their play desires.  They pull characters from movies, TV, games and books pretty equally to act out or make their own versions of or build on.  And if they do spend an hour or two using screens, it doesn't seem to hamper their ability to put the screen down and go do something else or to come up with something else to do.  I do think it's a balance.  But I guess I don't see it as some direct line there.  I think some kids handle screens well and responsibly and some kids tend toward being addictive little couch potatoes.  Some kids are "good at" playing and are constantly creative and some kids are constantly bored and at sea for something to do.  But I don't feel like I've seen that there's always a connection between those types.

 

ETA: And on a different note again, there have been lots of threads here with good board/card game suggestions.  My boys are also 8 yo and we love Labyrinth, Ticket to Ride, Rat-a-Tat-Cat, Corners, Clue, Apples to Apples (if there's a crowd), Dix It (if there's a crowd), Loot, Spot It and others.  And most of them are games I enjoy too and that my kids can potentially beat me at because the strategy is somewhat simple or there's an element of luck involved.  I feel like that's really key.

[SKL]

Redirect, but also, if it's something he really can't do without an older person, set a time each week when you will do that.  I used to say that Tuesdays were game nights.  And then I would try to give them at least 20 minutes on "game night" unless we had some other thing come up.  The rest of the week was not game night.  :)  If they asked, I would just remind them when game night was.

 

Another idea is to offer a trade.  "I could make time for that if you would do xyz chore for me."  Or have him read to the little ones so you can do your chores and then play with him.

[chepyl]

I play pretend with my kids. We have tea parties. My real life friends do to. My mom played with us. I am surprised to learn that others do not....where is this other thread, I am genuinely curious. My favorite time of year is when I teach princess camp where I get to play pretend with lots of little girls (including mine :) )

[abba12]

I play pretend with my kids. We have tea parties. My real life friends do to. My mom played with us. I am surprised to learn that others do not....where is this other thread, I am genuinely curious. My favorite time of year is when I teach princess camp where I get to play pretend with lots of little girls (including mine :) )

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/487878-daily-schedule-for-the-early-years/ - in the PreK/K forum. The topic of not playing with kids comes up about halfway down the page.

[ErinE]

This was an excellent post from a veteran homeschooler in South Africa.

http://www.se7en.org.za/2008/07/31/se7en-of-the-best-toys

 

I'd never hear of Zoobs before reading the blog, and I recommend them. DS got them for his birthday and he built himself a "bionic" suit.

 

ETA: we try to have family game night. We play Clue, Life, Sorry!, Monopoly, dominoes, and cards.

[SKL]

Even if I had the time and inclination to play with kids, I would be reluctant to get them used to that.  I think it's better for kids to look within them for play inspiration and some other related things.  I do the minimum possible to get them to play without me.  (Nowadays they don't ask, but even when they did.)  Once in a while, as a rare treat, I will morph into a wicked witch or talk to their lovey as if it could hear me, but play is their responsibility.  ;)

 

We do other things together.  Schoolwork, sharing a meal, some chores, solving real-life problems, going places, or just having a chat or a hug.  If my kid is needing me (being demanding or clingy), it's usually time for a heart-to-heart about something or other.

[chelsmm]

I have found that I can usually just say that I'm playing pretend, but I still do whatever I'm doing. So if the kids are playing Harry Potter, I'm usually Prof McGonagle who just happens to be doing the laundry or cooking. The kids don't care at all. They just want me to play along. And they want me nearby. So they play near me and I am a character.

[mathnerd]

I hate play, pretend play and I loathe board games and jigsaw puzzles. And I detest any type of wrestling, roughhousing or horseplay. But, since I am the primary caretaker and the parent responsible for teaching my child, he gets a ton of personal attention from me. So, when I refuse, I let my child know that there is no need to feel rejected because I had already spent a ton of time on him. I usually offer to read or supervise an art project (I am not arty or crafty and I only supervise such things) or take my child out to the supermarket or park or farm stand if my child persists on asking me to play.

But, my husband more than makes up for my lack of play - he plays with legos with my son, they have a chess game most nights and involves DS in physical play and pretend play every day. So, if you can find someone else to play with your child, that might be a win-win situation.

[briansmama]

I've found a routine to the day really helps my dc know when they can expect to have time from Mom and when I'm available to them. My oldest especially likes me to do things with him, but he knows my boundaries. For example, he knows that when he gets his weekend screen time I will set aside 15 minutes to watch him play his favorite game before I start dinner with Dh. Video games are my least favorite thing in the world, but ds is one of my favorite people in the world, so I do feel it's important to join him in an activity when he asks. When he was younger, he knew that 15 minutes after quiet time was my undivided time with him, and we did usually play with trains or blocks at that time. But that was the extent of my playing with him.

 

I always thought it was so necessary for my kids to learn how to entertain/play by themselves but one day ds told me that although he didn't remember many things about his early childhood, he did remember playing with me after quiet time everyday. He actually said that he liked it so much when I played with him when he was little. I kinda felt bad I'd only given h 15 minutes! But, like you, I had other things that needed to be done for the whole family, so I try not to feel too guilty.

[PeachyDoodle]

I hate play, pretend play and I loathe board games and jigsaw puzzles. And I detest any type of wrestling, roughhousing or horseplay.

 

Me too. My husband says I didn't even "play" as a kid, which is probably true. I don't think I even know how. But I don't ever feel as though my kids are missing out on anything, and I don't think they do either.

 

I don't recall them ever asking me to play with them. Sometimes dd gets mopey and lays around the house or stays underfoot and complains of being bored. I tell her the same thing my mother told me: "Find something to do, or I'll find something for you." Of course, if I have to find something, it almost always involves chores, so that usually takes care of it. :) I also tell them that I do not exist to entertain them, that they are bright and creative children and are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves. Even ds (who's almost 3) plays easily by himself and enjoys looking at books or playing cars alone in his room.

 

We spend plenty of time interacting -- swimming, running errands, constantly talking, talking, talking about what we're doing and why -- and I take them to lots of parks, museums, etc., often with friends. But I see my role as providing them with an array of opportunities and tools to be creative on their own, rather than playing with them or directing their play.

 

I will echo what PP have said about screen time. I notice a MARKED downturn in dd's ability to entertain herself when she's had too much time with the TV or video games. Sometimes even a little will do it.

[strange_girl]

I try to achieve balance :). That said, I fail sometimes.

 

I do not enjoy entertaining my kids either. But there are times in our busy days when I really can see the value in just setting my chores aside and playing Chutes and Ladders for the seventy-fifth time or doing a puzzle with my little guy. They have to share my attention a lot, and from time to time I just want to give them my undivided self, while doing something they enjoy. It's good for everybody.

 

I also roughhouse and wrestle and chase them around the house screaming like banshees. I don't enjoy that much either, but they seem to get some visceral joy out of it.

 

I do very much try to engage them and include them in the things I have to get done. They help unload the dishwasher, cook with me, help care for the animals, help in the garden, help with laundry, and generally work around the house with me. It's never to young to learn to help out! We spend almost every moment together, but not a lot 'playing'. We do enjoy each others' company and have a lot of fun together anyway.

 

But I do ask them to entertain themselves a large percentage of the time if they are not interested in helping me. They're kids. Sure, I love to be with them. But they also need to learn to entertain themselves.

[MusicMama]

I've thought a lot about this topic recently.  I don't play very often with my kids.  I have my hands full just keeping the essentials going.  When I feel guilty, I think of Ma Ingalls.  When did she ever have time to play?  There were essentials to be done for their very survival, no running out to Kroger if you ran out of something!  I am playful with my children, and love to do things with them, but I don't engage in pretend play.  I would like to, but I can't let a baby go hungry, or be in a messy diaper, or not teach my piano lessons, or start dinner...etc.  When did the idea that moms need to engage in pretend play originate?  I already birth, love, feed, clothe, teach, and train them; the idea of entertaining them makes me feel weary.     

[Mommyfaithe]

Well, I had a long response typed out and my computer restarted itself and I lost it. :(

 

There is a difference between playing and playing. We are a game loving family and one of the first questions asked on Saturday morning is "what game are we going to play today?"

 

But, I don't play with my kids. Self-entertainment is a skill I expect my kids to start to master between 18 mos and 2/3. My 3 yr old is going through a readjustment period right now b/c she is having to play by herself while we do school and she got used to playing wither her sisters all summer. (she is not a typical 3 yr old. She never parallel played, but would interact, imagine, and engage in their games even during toddlerhood.)

 

My kids spend hours pretending to be everything from fairies, to movie directors, to fashion designers, to the Narnia children, to explorers in the desert or Arctic or jungle, to princesses, etc They dress-up---even until around age 12. Even my 11 yo dd dresses up in character when she is playing. She loves playing prairie times. I posted about her playing a couple of yrs ago b/c it was hilarious and this is a very typical example of what my kids do. I walked upstairs and she had strung a rope across the room and had stuffed animals hanging by their tails from hangers. I asked what she was doing and she said, "smoking them." LOL!

 

If I had an 8 yr old that complained about not having anyone to play with, I would sit down and explain to her exactly how children do go an play on their own with their imagination. Give her ideas. Tell her she can pretend to be a character from a story or she can write her own story to pretend. I would eliminate all screen time and be firm about the fact that she needs to go play.

Yep, this is how it works here, only I am not fond of board games. I will however swing a kid from a swing , or now go for bike rides or runs with them. I will play cards on occasion, or UNO or something like that....BUT, I will NOT be the cow!

 

Oh, and your smoking animal story reminded me of the time we were learning about ajoshua and the battle of Jericho. I came into the living room and my ds and his friend had built an alter out of blocks and were "sacrificing Otto". ( friends stuffed moose!). LOL!!!!

[FO4UR]

Kids know when you are not having fun, at least mine do.  It's best to be genuine and honest.  If I don't find pleasure in playing dolls, I'm not going to play dolls.  

 

I, like many others, play board games with my kids.  I read to them and work with them.  I even enjoy hearing them play beside me...most of the time.  I spend oodles of time with them, but I'm not one to be dragged into pretend play.

 

 

Mine don't even ask me.  

 

 

As far as working together...Mine don't always like doing the work that needs to be done, but that's tough.  We work together as a family so can bake cookies and play Uno as a family.

[athomeontheprairie]

It had been wonderful to read all these responses! ! !

I am an only child and my mom played with me a lot as a kid. When my oldest turned 5ish I'm really trying to stop pretending playing with her and her sister. and my mom makes me feel guilty. she will drop everything everytime we come over to play pretend games with my kids. It drives me crazy! perhaps because what I see is her entertaining my kids with a elaborate stories, and them passively watching. She often tells mE I don't play enough.

I love board games and puzzles and Legos. But pretend? Nope. I find that when I do not participate the games last longer, they're more in depth, and they have more rules. and quite frankly they have more fun without me.

it is so refreshing to know that I am NOT the only mom doesn't drop everything to go play pretend ( which my mom would have me believe is the only way to parent)

[mamaraby]

I don't play with my kids, but that doesn't mean that I'm not involved with their life. We've also not found that screen time is the enemyof imaginative play at all. The swingset in the backyard is the TARDIS and the kids are a wierd combo of Harry Potter/Percy Jackson/Dr. Who. When my kids are bored I send them outside. Sometimes, just telling them to go outside inspires them to find something else to do (trains in the basement for instance). I've even been known to suggest a chore to a bored child. Sadly, they've never taken me up on that offer.

 

I homeschool my kids which means between their activities outside the house (and their transportation) and our school work I'm with them practically the entire day. We're often in the kitchen together either making the meal or cleaning up after it. And then there's all the talking. Oh so much talking. Forget the car radio. So many questions and serious discussions.

 

I guess I don't see not playing with them as somehow not involved enough.

[Haiku]

I have never especially loved playing with my kids, but imo, play is what kids do, so if you never play with your kids, you are basically telling them that what they do and enjoy is unimportant.

 

It's easier now that my kids are older, because I can play card and board games with them, which I do enjoy. But when they were younger, I did several things to make "playing" easier for me.

 

1) I set a time limit. I told the kids, "I will play this with you for 20 minutes, and then I have to [fold the laundry, start dinner, clean the tub, etc.], and I'd love it if you came and talked to me while I did that."

 

2) I gave them options of things that I enjoyed. I hate chess and checkers, so I let my kids know that I would not be doing that with them. When they asked (because, wouldn't you know, they LOVED chess and checkers), I told them, "I really don't like those games, but Daddy does. You can play them with Daddy. I'll play [any of several games I liked] with you."

 

3) I sent them on scavenger hunts. They felt like I was involved, but my participation was limited to making up the list and being impressed by what they found.

 

4) I played with water toys with them when they were in the bath.

 

5) I made sure to ask them to play with me. If I had 15 minutes with nothing to do, I asked them to play a short gave that I liked. Or I would ask them to sit down and color with me. 

 

6) I read to them. A lot. Reading aloud is my greatest "mom skill."

 

Honestly, were I an 8 year old whose siblings were both younger and my mom never played with me, I would be very frustrated. There are things that 8 year olds want to do that 5 and 2 year olds can't or don't. I think it's important that you play with your daughter occasionally.

[Gentlemommy]

Thanks for all of the replies, suggestions, and ideas. I appreciate you all taking the time to respond so thoughtfully, and sharing what has worked in your own families.

To be honest, I'm not comfortable always saying no to play...for the reasons Tara listed above. While I adore her younger sisters, I can see how it would be frustrating to have to deal with their immaturity all the time if I wanted to play, kwim? She does really well with them for the most part, and is a great big sister. I like the idea of having scheduled play time with her...I'm going to try something daily, in addition to her kid of the day nights. I also like the bored jar idea...will work on some ideas for that. I've noticed that she really asks us to do that type of thing when we are indoors, so perhaps when I notice it, I can make more of an effort to get us outside. We aim for 2-8 hours outside now, but on the days we only get two hours, I'll try to get us out again in the afternoon.

Also, I think I'll get some Legos. We've had a small bucket for years and they've never shown interest. All of a sudden she's found it and is making things all the time! My toddler is past the putting things in her mouth stage, so we could all sit and build together for a while.

[mamaraby]

Honestly, were I an 8 year old whose siblings were both younger and my mom never played with me, I would be very frustrated. There are things that 8 year olds want to do that 5 and 2 year olds can't or don't. I think it's important that you play with your daughter occasionally.

Sorry, but I disagree. I have an 8, 5, and 3yo (two girls, one boy) who all play together and before that I was the oldest of three girls (all three years apart) who did the same.

 

With my sisters it was giant Barbie worlds with elaborate plots that stretched for days. We took a stereo cabinet and made rooms like it was one big Barbie house. Once we even played babysitters and made my youngest sister take naps with the dolls and stuffed animals. With my kids its rushing around the universe in the TARDIS as Harry Potter and two Hermoine Grangers to battle the Titans with swords and shields, capes and crowns. It's stringing up playsilks across the swing/playset. It's ropes attaching wagons and bikes together to make a train or a large semi to drive the ice roads in Alaska.

 

There's nothing frustrating about it. For my sisters and I, it was grand fun. We still talk about those days fondly. Well, except my younger sister napping with the stuffed animals. I don't think she enjoyed that quite as much as we did, but she came out ok in the end. My parents didn't play with us and if they had tried it wouldn't have been the same. They weren't kids like us.

 

Reading aloud (we do this too, sometimes for hours if the book's really good) is what I consider parenting - it's also how I stock the pond for future imaginative play. As for playing board games, that's part of it too, but the vast bulk of the time my kids have for play, they spend together. All three of them going wherever their imagination leads. I think a childhood without that would be far less rich.

 

As for an 8yo wanting to play what the younger kids don't...well, sometimes that's a good opportunity to learn more life skills (taking turns, not always getting what you want, sacrificing for group cohesion). And other times it might be an opportunity to read or build with Legos on your own in your room (or horses or whatever)

 

I think children need to learn how to entertain themselves. Cultivating an inner life. Finding ways to pass the time, sometimes quietly...these are life skills. They come in handy when standing in line, going on a long drive, and allow space for introspection and creativity. This is another vital skill for adults. The spark for creativity, the precursor to grand discoveries.

 

YMMV, but to dismiss me as one who tells my kids that what they enjoy is not important fails to consider that I do tell them just how important it is everyday just by providing the space and the freedom to do it. My job as a parent is to get out of the way so that they can play. The child that is bored...sure, it's uncomfortable. It's maybe even a little painful, but it's only temporary. Sometimes one has to get through that boredom before the next great idea pops up.

 

I'm sorry, but there's more than one way to raise children and I really have thought quite a bit about this. It's not just me saying no. There's a reason why I don't play with my kids. Having seen the difference between my kids and some of ds' peers who never spend a moment not being entertained...I'd pick my way any day.

[abba12]

Regarding WHY the trend of parents playing with kids appeared, I think one above poster hit on it. The increase of Only Children.

 

What we are saying here is great for our families which mostly have 3+ kids. But a family with an only child, or two children spaced far apart? In those cases I absolutely think a parent needs to play with their child. The child has no one else to play with, and no one wants to live in isolation. So that is, to me, where much of the discrepancy comes in. 

[Dory]

Sorry, but I disagree. I have an 8, 5, and 3yo (two girls, one boy) who all play together and before that I was the oldest of three girls (all three years apart) who did the same.

 

With my sisters it was giant Barbie worlds with elaborate plots that stretched for days. We took a stereo cabinet and made rooms like it was one big Barbie house. Once we even played babysitters and made my youngest sister take naps with the dolls and stuffed animals. With my kids its rushing around the universe in the TARDIS as Harry Potter and two Hermoine Grangers to battle the Titans with swords and shields, capes and crowns. It's stringing up playsilks across the swing/playset. It's ropes attaching wagons and bikes together to make a train or a large semi to drive the ice roads in Alaska.

 

There's nothing frustrating about it. For my sisters and I, it was grand fun. We still talk about those days fondly. Well, except my younger sister napping with the stuffed animals. I don't think she enjoyed that quite as much as we did, but she came out ok in the end. My parents didn't play with us and if they had tried it wouldn't have been the same. They weren't kids like us.

 

Reading aloud (we do this too, sometimes for hours if the book's really good) is what I consider parenting - it's also how I stock the pond for future imaginative play. As for playing board games, that's part of it too, but the vast bulk of the time my kids have for play, they spend together. All three of them going wherever their imagination leads. I think a childhood without that would be far less rich.

 

As for an 8yo wanting to play what the younger kids don't...well, sometimes that's a good opportunity to learn more life skills (taking turns, not always getting what you want, sacrificing for group cohesion). And other times it might be an opportunity to read or build with Legos on your own in your room (or horses or whatever)

 

I think children need to learn how to entertain themselves. Cultivating an inner life. Finding ways to pass the time, sometimes quietly...these are life skills. They come in handy when standing in line, going on a long drive, and allow space for introspection and creativity. This is another vital skill for adults. The spark for creativity, the precursor to grand discoveries.

 

YMMV, but to dismiss me as one who tells my kids that what they enjoy is not important fails to consider that I do tell them just how important it is everyday just by providing the space and the freedom to do it. My job as a parent is to get out of the way so that they can play. The child that is bored...sure, it's uncomfortable. It's maybe even a little painful, but it's only temporary. Sometimes one has to get through that boredom before the next great idea pops up.

 

I'm sorry, but there's more than one way to raise children and I really have thought quite a bit about this. It's not just me saying no. There's a reason why I don't play with my kids. Having seen the difference between my kids and some of ds' peers who never spend a moment not being entertained...I'd pick my way any day.

 

I am not a hugely 'playful' kind of mom. I read, I do puzzles, I teach outside skills, but I rarely play. I have seen the looks of rejection on the face of a child who constantly hears no though. My kids very, very, very rarely ask me or my dh to play with them. They know that if I have time, I will let them know. The time that burns in my mind though, is once when my dd had a couple of her cousins over and they had made up a play. A spin-off of little red riding hood. They called it Grandpa and the Three Evil Unicorns (my youngest was the narrator, he was adamant about that part). I loved listening to them play it out and figure out how it should go while I was baking bread. They were short a couple actors. One character they decided would just be a teddy with one of the girls being his voice, but they needed a Grandpa. The one cousin asked my dd why she didn't ask her daddy to sit in just for a couple minutes. My dd had never actually asked him to play with her before, but she went to him and told him what they were doing and asked. He could've made the time. He was just doing a little research for truck parts, but they weren't a necessity at the time. He told her he didn't have time to and she'd have to make do. She didn't complain, or whine or anything. But she looked pretty hurt. When I went to her room that evening to tuck her in and talk about her day with her (we do this regularly), she asked me why daddy didn't like her. I reassured her that it wasn't that daddy didn't like her, he just was a busy grown up with a lot to do and think about. Then she asked if he thought that she was stupid and played stupid because he never wanted to play with her. I again reassured her that he was very proud of her and reminder her of him saying that to her a few different times. Then she asked what sort of things daddy liked to do, so I started talking about the sorts of things my dh does and she started crying. She said that she can't do those sorts of things and if she can't do those, and he won't do her sort of things, than how can they be friends. I reminded her (I've said this about myself to her before) that we are her parents, we aren't supposed to just be her friends. She said that she likes her friends and brothers because she does things with them. She gets to know me and feels loved because she does things with me, but she does do things with daddy.

 

Some people simply feel love better when we take the time to show interest in their world. Not all kids need it, my youngest ds would rather I leave his world alone, my oldest doesn't want me to play with him so much as be on the sidelines cheering him on. My dd doesn't need me playing with her all the time either, but she does need to me pop into her world every so often and connect to her on her level. It's how she thinks through things. It doesn't stifle her imagination for me to play a game with her now and then.

 

I think there's a balance between the worlds of 'no play or they never learn to entertain themselves and you'll stifle their imagination', and 'constantly be getting down on the ground with your kids so that they feel like they are the center of your universe and mean so much to you'. I'm an adult, I should have at least a rudimentary grasp on the skill of showing real interest in someone elses life and interests. Not because it is something that interest me, but because it shows that I care about the person. I do it with other people I care about, I can do that with my kids.

 

[HeartatHome]

I know exactly where you are coming from and have struggled with this exact topic for a few years. I have a very social butterfly dd but I grew up in a culture where parents don't play with their kids, period. I also just don't enjoy getting on the floor and playing pretend, etc.. and yet I would struggle with guilt so I would play with her a lot but since have cut back quite a bit. I still do play with her once in a while but in a different way and I have found that I have to set boundaries and limitations because the more I give in "play" the more she wants and the more she'll ask. I also found the more I use to play with her the less respectful towards me she would become and just more difficult to discipline. It was as though she was viewing me more through a lens of being her "friend" and playmate. I know that may not be the case for many but it has been for me.

 

I tried various things. Give her ideas, get her started and leave, provide all kinds of craft stuff but nothing seemed to work. She also didn't like to be read to or color so I really felt stuck. This also comes from a child that is with me all.day.long. She is always by my side and I love it but this was an area that was a constant struggle. On top of that it was 4 years before my next child was born(not by choice, it just wasn't happening) and I was so desperate for a playmate for her!

 

My dd would literally ask me to play with her throughout the day every day and then sulk or just hang around restless when I said no. For some reason I really struggled with this area. I think I got caught up in today's culture that seems to say that we should be entertaining our children and constantly providing an outlet for them. That somehow I'm building memories only by playing with them or taking them to every fun event or party or sport or whatever. I'm not saying those things in of itself are not good but they can become an idol and we end up being so busy with those things that we sometimes actually miss the main thing that we want most with our children and why we are doing those things in the first place...connection.

 

Anyway, I finally found my spine and got firm...gently. I had a heart to heart with my precious girly. I sat her down and told her that I was not her playmate and that she needed to stop asking me to play with her every 10 minutes. I am not here to constantly entertain and have fun. I have responsibilities.

I asked her some questions specifically about how she would enjoy playing in our home if I never cleaned. She admitted it would not be enjoyable. I talked about the nice snacks which she enjoys that would not be there if I did not go to the store or dirty clothes if I didn't do laundry, etc.. Basically I painted a picture and said that if I were to only play with her all day long life would be a little different. I even asked her if she thought I enjoyed cleaning and her response was "yes!" lol. I explained to her that I in fact do not enjoy it but that there are things in life that we don't always like to do and just like we need baths so does our home so to speak. If we don't take care of our home it would start looking rather gross and start smelling. (practical application/examples work for my kiddo's) lol

 

I explained that cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, homeschool, making dr. appts, etc.. were the different ways that I showed my love and take care of my family. That as her mama I was trying to provide a peaceful home that she could enjoy. That God has placed me to care, protect, nurture, guide, teach, pray over and love my children and part of that love is expressed through these various things.

I've had to have a couple of smaller talks with her as she is just a child and will forget or rather test :glare: but overall it has really helped.

We think they may not understand but they are smart and grasp more then we realize. It was like a light bulb went on for her.

I've also see my girls growing closer even though they are 4 years apart. Although, my other little one is only 20 months somehow they play together and are becoming sweet friends. I don't know if that would be the case if I was still constantly playing with her.

 

My children are by my side all day so I'm constantly engaging with them. We have discussions all day long about God, the weather, food, bugs, you name it we talk about it. Impromptu tickle fun. We like to have music on so we'll dance a little jig here and there or sing along together. We eat meals together, chores together, we go to the store together. We have special ice cream or hot chocolate moments. We pray together and go on walks and go book hunting together. I let her help me in the kitchen (although I don't enjoy this but she LOVES this) She likes to pretend she's a puppy so I'll pet her. I'll pretend to eat her pretend food. I also watch her dance shows and applaud her singing. We do puzzles and play I spy and laugh with knock knock jokes. I'm starting a collection of various board games or other games to play when time allows. We also do family movie night at home where we all cuddle up on the couch with some popcorn and other various family outings through out the year. When she's feeling sad or scared I talk her through those moments. I celebrate an accomplishment. Plus constant hugs and kisses throughout the day. Let's not forget homeschooling to! See, it's constant engagement and connection without me having to get on the floor to play my little ponies for the next hour.

 

I don't have one single memory of my mom playing with me BUT the irony of that is I felt so loved growing up. I remember my mom holding me in the middle of the night when I was sick. The wonderful smells from the kitchen and her teaching me to bake bread and other foods. I remember her spending long hours sewing clothes for us and making sure I knew how to clean. (lol, that was super important to her) All those things are the sweet aroma of her love to us. I think it was that she never made us feel like a burden but rather we were her joy and that made me feel loved so I think that's more important at the end of the day.

 

Don't misunderstand me. I don't think there is anything wrong in playing with your children if that is something you truly enjoy and it's not in excess. (because they can become use to that constant entertainment) I know some really enjoy it but it's not my cup of tea.

[HeartatHome]

Oh and I forgot to mention she doesn't ask me to play as much since our talks but if she does I just tell her "no sweetheart go entertain yourself." I might give her some ideas. If she is sulking and whiny about it I give her a chore like wipe down the coffee table or something like that. It's interesting because our relationship has actually gotten better and our time together is sweeter.

[abba12]

I am not a hugely 'playful' kind of mom. I read, I do puzzles, I teach outside skills, but I rarely play. I have seen the looks of rejection on the face of a child who constantly hears no though. My kids very, very, very rarely ask me or my dh to play with them. They know that if I have time, I will let them know. The time that burns in my mind though, is once when my dd had a couple of her cousins over and they had made up a play. A spin-off of little red riding hood. They called it Grandpa and the Three Evil Unicorns (my youngest was the narrator, he was adamant about that part). I loved listening to them play it out and figure out how it should go while I was baking bread. They were short a couple actors. One character they decided would just be a teddy with one of the girls being his voice, but they needed a Grandpa. The one cousin asked my dd why she didn't ask her daddy to sit in just for a couple minutes. My dd had never actually asked him to play with her before, but she went to him and told him what they were doing and asked. He could've made the time. He was just doing a little research for truck parts, but they weren't a necessity at the time. He told her he didn't have time to and she'd have to make do. She didn't complain, or whine or anything. But she looked pretty hurt. When I went to her room that evening to tuck her in and talk about her day with her (we do this regularly), she asked me why daddy didn't like her. I reassured her that it wasn't that daddy didn't like her, he just was a busy grown up with a lot to do and think about. Then she asked if he thought that she was stupid and played stupid because he never wanted to play with her. I again reassured her that he was very proud of her and reminder her of him saying that to her a few different times. Then she asked what sort of things daddy liked to do, so I started talking about the sorts of things my dh does and she started crying. She said that she can't do those sorts of things and if she can't do those, and he won't do her sort of things, than how can they be friends. I reminded her (I've said this about myself to her before) that we are her parents, we aren't supposed to just be her friends. She said that she likes her friends and brothers because she does things with them. She gets to know me and feels loved because she does things with me, but she does do things with daddy.

 

Some people simply feel love better when we take the time to show interest in their world. Not all kids need it, my youngest ds would rather I leave his world alone, my oldest doesn't want me to play with him so much as be on the sidelines cheering him on. My dd doesn't need me playing with her all the time either, but she does need to me pop into her world every so often and connect to her on her level. It's how she thinks through things. It doesn't stifle her imagination for me to play a game with her now and then.

 

I think there's a balance between the worlds of 'no play or they never learn to entertain themselves and you'll stifle their imagination', and 'constantly be getting down on the ground with your kids so that they feel like they are the center of your universe and mean so much to you'. I'm an adult, I should have at least a rudimentary grasp on the skill of showing real interest in someone elses life and interests. Not because it is something that interest me, but because it shows that I care about the person. I do it with other people I care about, I can do that with my kids.

 

 

 

To me, she asked about what daddy likes to do, and related it to what he likes to do with her. She wasn't talking about playing, so much as interaction. My kids are young so I am no expert, but, to me, she was looking for common ground, something she and daddy could do together, more than daddy as a playmate. I don't know your daughter but I wonder if she would have been just as happy with a daddy daughter day out, or cooking/doing a project with daddy, or some other interaction.

 

If she only wanted to play, I don't see why she would ask about what daddy likes to do. That tells me she was happy to consider more than play as an acceptable basis for 'friends'.

[Gentlemommy]

Again, I'm really appreciative of all of the replies! Love reading them. This is us, to a T (sorry, I'm not sure how to quote just a part of a post, so I C/P it).

 

My children are by my side all day so I'm constantly engaging with them. We have discussions all day long about God, the weather, food, bugs, you name it we talk about it. Impromptu tickle fun. We like to have music on so we'll dance a little jig here and there or sing along together. We eat meals together, chores together, we go to the store together. We have special ice cream or hot chocolate moments. We pray together and go on walks and go book hunting together. I let her help me in the kitchen (although I don't enjoy this but she LOVES this) She likes to pretend she's a puppy so I'll pet her. I'll pretend to eat her pretend food. I also watch her dance shows and applaud her singing. We do puzzles and play I spy and laugh with knock knock jokes. I'm starting a collection of various board games or other games to play when time allows. We also do family movie night at home where we all cuddle up on the couch with some popcorn and other various family outings through out the year. When she's feeling sad or scared I talk her through those moments. I celebrate an accomplishment. Plus constant hugs and kisses throughout the day. Let's not forget homeschooling to! See, it's constant engagement and connection without me having to get on the floor to play my little ponies for the next hour.

 

 

I am with my kiddos all day. We talk, snuggle, tickle, read, and work together. I'll walk them to the playground, go on bike rides, take them on errands, or exploring. I think my oldest dd is an old soul...she has always enjoyed adult company, even in toddlerhood. Yesterday we visited friends and she played with their teenager (18 year old girl) for about 8 hours. Granted, their teen is amazingly sweet and able to be flexible and play with an 8 year old, but still. There were younger kids there too, she just prefers older company. I've been using a more specific schedule with school, that gives her one on one time with me for certain subjects...I think I'll build in a board game time a couple times a week...

[PeacefulChaos]

In another thread, I read that some of you don't play (pretend type things) with your kids. You'll read, facilitate things, provide them with experiences, idea, but you don't actually PLAY. SOOOOO...

 

For those of you that don't play with the kids (I hate doing so, so I'm asking from that POV) what do you tell them when they repeatedly ask??? My eldest (8 now) will constantly ask me or dh to play. When we point her to her sisters (5 and 2) she says they don't understand, they mess the board games up (which is true at times) ect. I offer to read to her, which works at times, but honestly, she'd want me to read to her for hours and I just can't! I've got things to do. Asking her to help doesn't work, because she wants to help with things I really don't need to do right ATM. Like baking. We can live without baking, but the toilets really DO need scrubbing! Lol. I feel bad always telling her no, and she feels rejected. :( I don't like that either.

We do go outside for a few hours everyday, and she can entertain herself out there no problem. We went to a park the other day and they were playing for hours at the stream, with rocks, sticks, flowers, and dirt. I can definitely see the wisdom in CM advice to spend six hours a day outside...however, life happens INside at times, and I must clean, cook, and do the three R's with them lol.

Can you explain how you handle the requests for adult attention/play? And how your kids respond? Thank you!

 

Well, my kids haven't asked me to play... ever.  That I can remember.  :lol:

I just never did.  Occasionally we would play a game or something (and still do), but as far as just playing, I've never done it, so they don't even see it as something that could potentially happen, I don't think.  I know that to some that probably sounds like, 'Oh my gosh!  Poor kids!  How terrible!' but they are unaffected by it.  :lol:  The boys have always played together, and once Pink came along she just joined in.

 

At your DD's age, she could probably go outside by herself IF you have somewhere for her to play.  Depending on where you live, etc, it may not work, but at 8 kids can go outside and supervise themselves while you are inside scrubbing toilets (and all the oh-so-lovely chores!)  Link and Astro went out unsupervised on a regular basis when they were 8 and 6. 

 

Anyway, sorry I'm not much help.  Usually if the boys complain of 'boredom' I offer up something like cleaning their room or helping me vacuum.  They usually find something else to do pretty quickly.  ;) 

[threedogfarm]

 

I always thought it was so necessary for my kids to learn how to entertain/play by themselves but one day ds told me that although he didn't remember many things about his early childhood, he did remember playing with me after quiet time everyday. He actually said that he liked it so much when I played with him when he was little. I kinda felt bad I'd only given h 15 minutes! But, like you, I had other things that needed to be done for the whole family, so I try not to feel too guilty.

 

 

Maybe he remembered those times and cherished them BECAUSE they were limited (only fifteen minutes).  

[MissKNG]

I interact with my girls A LOT but I don't usually pretend play with them. My girls are up for 14-16 hours a day too so we are very busy.

 

I am slightly jilted by the "me me me chat" comment. Really? We are stay at home mom's who (for the most part) home school. I gave up a terrific career, I don't buy myself anything really special nor really spend any money on myself, I RARELY go out with friends, etc, etc, etc to stay home with my children because we believe this is the BEST thing to do for them. How is that "me me me"? If I need a few minutes to myself to do something and that requires me to say "no, not now" to the girls (keep in mind they are up 14-16 hours), how is the "me me me"? Sorry, I know all families are different but I fail to see how being a stay at home mom who also home schools is "me me me".

[Haiku]

Sorry, but I disagree. I have an 8, 5, and 3yo (two girls, one boy) who all play together and before that I was the oldest of three girls (all three years apart) who did the same.

 

You're welcome to disagree, and I'm well aware that there are many ways to raise children. I simply stated my opinion. I don't think that playing should always be about learning life skills and being a good big sister. I think that sometimes it should be the kid getting to do exactly what he or she wants to with the person he or she wants to do it with. That's all. I wasn't saying that kids of different ages can't ever play together. Of course they can. I did with my sister, who was older. Nowhere in my post did I advocate parents always entertaining their kids. I rarely entertain mine. But I also don't never play with them.