Can we Talk about Spanking and CoSleeping?

[Lolosoli]

When I became pregnant with my first child I was 100% against co-sleeping, homeschooling, etc., and ALL FOR spanking, daycare, etc.,

 

Once my baby was born all I had to do was go with the plan!!! At first I tried to stay with what I was raised by (appropriate spankings and punishments/dicipline) and what I felt in my MIND was the right thing to do! I had read about what was the right thing to do and talked on message boards about what was the right thing to do...and the fact is you will seek out what is comfortable and well-known to you. You can find people of all different beliefs!

 

I had to learn to start trusting my heart and more importantly my mothering instincts! When I started doing that my whole world changed!!!! I cuddled my baby at night...instead of being scared to co-sleep or worrying about how others felt I would spoil her! I didn't put her in daycare...I have been home with her (and her brothers) for the last 17 years! If you had told me I'd be a SAHM that homeschooled when I was pregnant I would have laughed in your face!!! LOL I spanked her once...when she was toddler. It didn't feel right! I've never spanked her again or any of her brothers. I believe strongly in attachment parenting and positive dicipline (which is not be confused with rewards and punishments or not diciplining at all or trying to friends with my kids).

 

My last child is the type of child (as a toddler/preschooler) your dh would have felt needed spankings compared to my other two....my other two were easy-peasy. I can honestly say that children at different ages and stages are all different and NO CHILD deserves to be punished for simply learning and growing in different way. If anything...spanking would have made things worse for him, IMO. He has learned so much from teachings and dicipline (which he needed) and would have learned nothing from my spankings.

 

My beliefs on spanking and co-sleeping are very, very strong....so, I'm going to try and stay away from that. I just want to encourage you to listen to your heart and continue seeking out new and different tools to use while parenting, that maybe our parents didn't know existed or didn't know how to use.

 

I loved all Dr. Sears attachment parenting books!

 

Here is Astrid Lindgren's perspective on spanking:

 

["When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking--the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."

 

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery--one can raise children into violence."

I think that too often we fail to feel situations "from the child's point of view," and that failure leads us to teach our children other than what we think we're teaching them.]

http://www.atlc.org/Resources/never_violence.php

 

http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/gentle_guidance.html

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting

[Catwoman]

If you have a whole and healthy child currently living with you, or a baby sleeping sweetly in the other room, than you can't possibly know how I feel.

 

Wow. Condescending much? :glare:

 

I can assure you that there are many women on this forum whose experiences have been the same as yours have been -- and others who can tell you stories far worse than your own.

 

I can also tell you that those of us who understand what you've been through may also very well be the people who are suggesting that you lighten up a little.

 

I'm very sorry that you have had a difficult time, and I truly wish you only the very best with your new baby, but please don't act as though you're the only person who has lived through some extreme difficulties and act as though no one can possibly understand what you have been through. It's kind of insulting.

[catz]

If you have a whole and healthy child currently living with you, or a baby sleeping sweetly in the other room, than you can't possibly know how I feel.

 

Really? Many of us here have been there done that. I had a very high risk pregnancy with my first child, and was thrilled to be expecting him. Almost everyone here pretty much understands the anticipation that comes with a wanted child. However, I was not anticipating his need for spanking or algebra at the time.

 

I think the co-sleeping question is a good one. But even with that, don't get too attached to any one plan. I wasn't going to co-sleep and had a crib all set up. Baby never was laid in crib until 4 months old, and even then, only during the day when he needed a quiet spot. Baby #2 liked falling asleep propped up in a bouncy seat, but then would move to our bed later. As time goes on you'll get to know your baby's and your own preferences and work with that.

 

On the rest, the best thing you can do is listen to your gut and enjoy each stage. Cross your bridges as you come to them. You may think you want to be an attachment parent, and your baby may hate a sling after 6 weeks. You never know.

 

We do not spank, and I do not in general thinks its a great setup for a respectful parent-child relationship. YMMV.

[NotSoObvious]

 

 

If you have a whole and healthy child currently living with you, or a baby sleeping sweetly in the other room, than you can't possibly know how I feel.

 

 

Honey, many of us know exactly how you feel, and you'll come to realize that the longer you are on this board.

 

It's wonderful to research and plan, but you're posting on a board where many of us are experienced parents, so when we read about the things you are stressing about *now,* we want to offer the simple advice to be easy on yourself because you really can't plan everything.

 

I realize you are researching, and I get totally obsessive when I research, so I get it. Keep asking questions and reading books. Just treat yourself kindly and keep things in perspective.

[Guest inoubliable]

Concerning Spanking: No, I'm not trying to start a debate.

 

Best advice on this - find a parenting forum.

 

 

Concerning CoSleeping: I will remember not to ask any thing else on this board until I am qualified...

 

Good idea. You won't know how any of this works out until your kid is here. Really, this is between you and your DH.

 

Concerning the planning ahead:

 

Wait until you have the kid. As others have said, the best laid plans can go out the window when the baby arrives. Enjoy the pregnancy. Figure out algebra and sex with your DH later.

 

If you have a whole and healthy child currently living with you, or a baby sleeping sweetly in the other room, than you can't possibly know how I feel.

 

This is insensitive at best.

[stripe]

Concerning Spanking: No, I'm not trying to start a debate. I'm sorry for posting this, I wasn't trying to make anyone mad or be insensitive. As I said, some people (family and friends) mentioned spanking to us, in both teasingly and genuinely curious ways and asked us if we would. So it was in my head. I am 100% commited to not spanking my kid when he is an infant. (I'm not sure where Stripe got that from...)

If you read my posts, you'll see that I specifically asked what the need for worrying about spanking is, unless you are planning on spanking from day one.

 

Go back and read post #13 on this thread. I said

:lol:

 

I'd tell them your child will always behave perfectly so it won't be an issue.

 

I wouldn't worry so much about these things. Your child hasn't been born yet. Don't fall into the trap of developing an identity as a Cloth Diapering Mama, or Cry It Out Mama, or whatever, just be a regular person. You don't have to pick sides.

 

since I assumed you wouldn't spank a newborn, I was encouraging you to let go. This is the advice of an experienced mother you appeared to be seeking: don't think about this stuff. Don't engage in these conversations, on or off line.

 

Well, I read it in a completely different light. I don't see a tone of anxiety in the posts at all. I know when I plan I feel relaxed, curious, intrigued. Dream of and planning for my future helps me to relax, to feel optimistic about my present situation, which I'm not thrilled with. In a way, this board is my escape....I want to actively be a better parent than most of the parental rolemodels in my own life

 

Concerning the planning ahead: I reread some of my posts and I realize that I seem crazy but I am not, just very, very excited. I don't think anyone can really understand how special Jr. is to Hubby and I. We have had alot of issues with conceiving and now I am successfully past the point where I have repeatedly miscarried in the past. ....

Where does spanking fit in daydreaming about the joys of being a parent?

 

When I was a little girl and dreamed about getting married, it was mostly about fancy dresses and a big party, it wasn't even about the boy and certainly not about having arguments or getting a divorce.

 

If you have a whole and healthy child currently living with you, or a baby sleeping sweetly in the other room, than you can't possibly know how I feel.

Ha! I guess you haven't noticed the threads on here about mothers who've lost children or who struggle with health issues currently, not to mention the fact that many mothers on here (both adoptive and birth) struggled with infertility and/or had multiple miscarriages. I won't even bother saying anything about my own children's health, or whether having a healthy child means one cannot comprehend that a living child is an amazing gift.

 

Better luck next time with your threads. I'd cool down if I were you.

[Slartibartfast]

I don't think you should be making very clear and serious declarations until you experience parenting a bit.

 

All kids are different. What works for one kid won't work for another. Things happen, plans change, issues arise.

 

Just relax, breathe, it will all work out.

[Aspasia]

My husband and I have the same backgrounds as you two in regards to spanking.

 

I think that these are good conversations to have early on in your parenting. However, I would also caution you to not put too many conditions or restrictions on yourselves. It's hard to know what life will bring and I've found that the more you try to plan and predict everything, the harsher you will judge yourself when things don't work out the way you wanted. Every family situation is unique. Different children have different needs and family dynamics change over time.

 

Talk about what's important, but allow yourself a LOT of grace.

 

Parenting is the hardest job on the planet and nobody gets it right all the time.

 

 

This is the best advice on the topic of parenting. I was a lot like you, op, I wanted to have a plan and I wanted to be sure I did things "right", from the very beginning. That's why I was planning ahead.

 

But you have no idea what parenting is like until you get there. You don't know what night time with a newborn is like and you don't know how either you or your dh will handle it...until it's here. You don't know how your child will misbehave and you don't know what form of disciple will get through to him...until you get there.

 

The thing is, people like me (and it sounds like op is one of them) can be very, very hard on themselves when they don't meet the expectations they set for themselves back when they had no clue what appropriate expectations were. We think we should be able to meet certain standards and if we can't (because parenting IS hard--it's emotionally and physically exhausting), then we suffer from insane guilt. I have been at this for six years and I'm finally learning to be a little easier on myself (the addition of the third baby pretty much forced me to acknowledge my limits and what I can fairly expect of myself).

 

I hope for your sake that you will take the advice of these wise women on the forum--focus on your relationship and communication with your dh and let the details wait. If you guys are working as a team and respecting each other, you will figure it out. You can't really map your way through the wilderness before you get started, not in a detailed way. There aren't any trails. There's no map. All you can know is the general direction you want to go and where you hope to end up.

 

Oh, and I sort of fell into co-sleeping. It was just the way that everyone in our house got the best sleep. And I LOVED it. I did keep baby away from dh because he's a heavier sleeper, and with my second baby I got an Arm's Reach co-sleeper that I LOVE. But with each baby, we have ended co-sleeping at different ages because it stopped being the way we all got the best sleep. It became something that was keeping us AND the baby from sleeping peacefully, so we transitioned baby out.

 

So I guess the best parenting advice I have is to do what works. When it stops working, stop doing it. :)

 

 

 

[bolt.]

I'm sorry people are so "at you" for enjoying forecasting your parenting future. It seems odd that they would be at all disturbed to learn that some people just have an ordinary 'bent' to think of life that way. Doesn't it "take all kinds" of people to make the world go around? It's a message board -- it's not like you are *making* anyone waste their time answering questions for that aren't immediately relevant within a few years of this instant. Honestly, time flies. I might share your 'bent' but I find the more 'general basic theories' that I am able forecast for my future life, the happier I am and the more secure I feel.

 

I have a basic travel plan for the eventual death of each of my grandparents -- hopefully more that 3 to 5 years away.

I have a general idea of how and when I will deal with teenagers and cell phones.-- at least 3 years away

I have a dating theory regarding my little girls who are much to young to make use of it -- probably at least 5 years away and lasting until 10 years from now

I had my children's preschool / school / homeschool trajectory pretty much mapped while pregnant -- a full 18 year pseudo-plan

 

This isn't something that pleases everyone's brain-type, but it's far from abnormal, and nobody needs to be censuring you from being who you are.

 

I think the adversarial ideas are coming from people for whom forecasting the future is either an exercise in worry or some kind of overly concrete thing that is actually hard to modify or abandon when you 'get there'. Of course they would rather you not spend your hours in worry or arrive at some point where you become dogmatic about a plan that isn't suited to the reality that eventually arrives. I suppose they'd like to spare you that.

 

Me, I'd rather face life, I think like you, with a fairly detailed "Plan A" which I have composed without the slightest worry, and which I will have no problem substituting with a "Plan B" if the time comes and it's inappropriate. Would that retroactively make it a waste of time and research? Of course not. The existence of the plan provided plenty of anti-worry for the years in which it existed. That's what it's for.

 

It's a strong theoretical-focused brain that thrives on this sort of thing -- don't let anyone imply that that's the wrong kind of brain for you to have, or that you shouldn't be using it regarding the future of the things that matter to you.

 

Plus, time flies. If your Plan A ends up being suitable, your life will enjoy the process of not confronting each new stage and decision as if it was a completely new point of consideration. You will appreciate having various choices pre-made-unless-there-is-reason-to-reconsider.

[T'smom]

I didn't have time to read everything, so I'm sorry if this has already been said. We used an Arms Reach cosleeper, it's like a sidecarred crib. It attaches to the bed but down a few inches....the side of your mattress is one side of the cosleeper. It was very easy to pick up baby, nurse, put baby back. You can also use it as a pack n play on trips and stuff. We really loved it. And um, yes, if the baby is asleep, you can do whatever you want!

[SKL]

As mentioned briefly earlier, when I was working on my adoption home study, I had to get concrete about a lot of things that were far into the future. For example, I had to write down which schools they were expected attend all the way through high school. (I was adopting infants.) I had to get on the internet and find the school district map and figure out which public school zones we fell into. (Since then they have re-districted AND I decided to send my kids to private schools in different cities, but whatever!) I had to tell the social worker my views on religion, money matters, and how the grandparents would be involved in my kids' upbringing. I was supposed to have child-safe locks on the cupboards (this was over a year before the kids came home), had to draw a fire escape plan and post emergency numbers, and on and on. While some of it was obviously overkill, some of it was a good exercise. It is certainly better to think of these things too early than too late. I would just be very wary of phrases like "100% committed" and "already decided." Baby has not yet cast his vote! Flexibility is key to a mom's sanity IMO. You will be beyond exhausted if you hold yourself to every ideal you currently think you are "committed" to. Your child's #1 need is a mom who is responsive to his communications. Can't do much of that if you're running yourself into the ground over stuff baby doesn't even care about.

[Laura Corin]

I wasn't spanked and haven't spanked. No regrets. Both boys are complimented on their manners and attitude.

 

There's been some new research on co-sleeping: I don't know enough about the subject (I didn't want to co-sleep) to make a judgement, so I just post this for your reference.

 

Laura

[Mergath]

I don't think anyone can really understand how special Jr. is to Hubby and I.

 

 

:huh:

 

Regardless of how difficult it was for you to conceive and carry a healthy child, I can tell you with absolute certainty that we do understand, because our children are just as special to us as yours will be to you.

[Donna]

I understand all the planning before baby is born. I had all sorts of things researched and planned...a birth plan in order, what baby would wear, breastfeeding decided, etc.... I had an elderly patient warn me during my pregnancy that children were impossible to plan for.

 

Wow, was he ever right.

 

Ds came 6 weeks early and the birth plan went out the window...The room was full of NICU staff and things had to go whatever way was safest for Ds. Ds was shown to me then swept away to the NICU so there was no quiet bonding time after his birth like I had imagined. He was too little to nurse at first so I spent the two weeks he was in the NICU pumping and trying to nurse then bottlefeeding him the milk I pumped and he was too little for all the cute clothes we'd bought. Co-sleeping wasn't something I had thought of but when he started nursing and I was getting way too little sleep, it became a sanity saver for me. Ds was reading well by 4 and missed the cut-off for public school so homeschooling, which was never even a thought in my mind when I first had kids, became the best option and now I love it.

 

My entire life seems to go like that. I plan and plan only to have to find another way on everything.

 

All this to tell you...it was really fun to plan when I was pregnant but kids don't always follow our plans.

[MomtoCandJ]

Before dd was born we were not going to cosleep or spank... Well we ended doing both. Dd is 4 and stil sleeps in our bed most nights and she does get the occasional spanking. (There is always a warning before said spanking and they are used for severe issues like taking off her set belt when I'm driving)

[brehon]

My experience has been that all of our plans went out the window when we had kids. Some decisions can be made in advance, but a lot of the time you come to a point with kids where your decisions regarding parenting will change drastically based on experience, the individual child and your need for a good night's sleep. Don't get me wrong - I think it's really good that you are considering these things in advance. Just know that plans change so be prepared to be OK with that and don't feel like a bad parent if you don't live up to you plans. Congratulations on your baby!

 

 

Lord, isn't that the truth!!

 

We co-slept w/5 of our 6 kids until they became too squirmy. What I find funny is that dh was a very light sleeper who now sleeps soundly and I, Miss Wouldn't-Know-It-If-A-Brass-Band-Marched-Through-The-Bedroom, am now a very light sleeper (though, to be fair, my work contributed to that as much as having kids). A co-sleeper or a sidecar could be a good compromise.

 

Spanking: I can't say I've never spanked any of my kids; I have. Mostly out of frustration which I'm not proud of. I've tried harder over the years and really try to guide and teach versus just spank.

 

I so agree with PPs who say that the relationship is so much more important than a particular discipline plan - the relationship between you and your dh, the relationship between you/your dh and your child(ren), and the relationship between your child(ren). I'm currently watching my almost 12yo son lob grenades (small stuffed animals) into the crib where my 8 mo son is standing up and laughing with that full-throated, baby belly-laugh. <happy sigh>

 

I think that being open to having Jr upend all your plans and recognizing that compromise will become the order of the day is important. And I fully understand wanting to plan. NotSoObvious wrote it beautifully, "Talk about what's important, but allow yourself a LOT of grace."

 

 

[Amy in NH]

Why are we letting ourselves get sucked in by a troll? Only 47 posts and she starts a thread on two of the most controversial subjects here. Planning the proper time to spank a child that hasn't even been born yet? Really? Just walk away!

[bolt.]

The reason these are controversial subjects is because they are important decisions that each and every parent is going to need to make. People who aren't interested in such discussions are free to not participate -- without instructing others that we shouldn't participate either. I don't think this is a troll thread, and I quite enjoy discussing issues of contention. It's interesting. "To each their own."

[*Lulu*]

I think this is the issue.

 

 

Seriously?

 

This spam crap is the issue.

 

So, so, so reported.

[lea_lpz]

Hmmm....I've seen this post and recognized the poster pretty quickly because she also posted a question about how is homeschooling a preschooler / k'er than doing typical parenting with kids this age and just not sending them to school. I've been hesitant to respond to this one because it seems like a really loaded topic, even the way it's worded. I also began to wonder if the poster was genuinely just a nervous and eager expecting mom. I'm sorry if this seems rude, and I haven't really been on this board that long, maybe a year, but....we have had people come onto this board and pretend to be homeschoolers that are in fact anti homeschooling and just want to stir up some conflict. However, I do remember being a new mom and obsessing about planning every detail of my nursery, researching every single purchase, reading parenting books, etc, so I can see someone having these questions, although I'm not sure I would have asked on a board, at that point of my life I would not have been posting my questions on a homeschool board, but assuming that you are genuinely pregnant and trying to get things sorted....

 

I guess this has been echoed by other posters, but you cannot plan for every detail. I'm not saying not to read the baby books, the parenting books, or go to classes. You should do that if that is something that helps you feel more prepared as a parent and it's a good time to do that right now because you'll be incredibly busy in the next couple months with baby, but you might find what you thought would work might not be what works best for you or your child or for both of you.

 

I read Sears, and I was convinced following every detail of attachment parenting was for me, and had my 2nd child been my 1st this might have been true, or maybe had I been a full time SAHM at the time and had more family around to help out so I could give my baby my 100% attention and they could help out with household chores those first couple months, but in the end, for me to be a good mom, my dd had to sleep in her own cribs for naps and night time sleep, because eventaully lack of sleep, because heaven forbid I let my baby cry it out, would have made me snap, and well, if I was having a nervous break down I guess it would not matter at that point if I had been an attachment parenting kind of mom or not. So I found things we did do, like wearing baby a lot during the day when she was up, and I nursed her until she was 18 months old and two months pregnant with my 2nd child, but things we did not end up doing. It's been a while since I have looked at my copy of Sears, given we are now out of the baby stage, but after 4 weeks, baby started getting laid down to take naps in her crib and I tried to establish a schedule. At 2 months, we decided baby would be put in her crib to sleep at night, but I still got up to nurse. At 8 months, when my first started eating solid food, we let her cry it out and I stopped getting up to nurse at night. She was furious. The first 3 days she would get up at her normal times and cry for about 30 minutes, then she didn't for one night, then she really reved it up and cried almost all night it seems for a night, and then she slept all week. It might sound cruel, but enless you understand the demands of a high need baby, and of being sleep deprieved for 8 months (really longer because the last 3 months of pregnancy you get some crazy insomnia, too), you can't understand why this was right for us and how I had a happier baby because she was well rested and a happy mom because I had a full eight hours of sleep nightly and down town in the evening. In fact, I wish I would have had her cry it out earlier but thought she'd eventually give it up on her own. I know people with preschool age children that still get up in the middle of the night regularily and need to have mom and dad help them fall asleep.

 

However, this ends up being what works for you and your child, not worked for us. So co-sleeping might be fine for you guys. I'm just saying I thought it would be for us, and it really wasn't.

 

Spanking. Again a hot topic issue I'd prefer not to give my stance on because so many feeel passionately on both sides of the fence. My dh did not want to spank at all because he came from a background of having an abusive father and I was not spanked as a child, but I used to feel like I should have been and lack discipline. Then, when I was pregnant and read a lot of positive parenting books, Sears, etc. I was convinced I would not spank...but than I had my dd who has an incredibly strong will and honestly, in my opinion, and I realize others will agree, but I feel this child needs to be disciplined in this way occasionally other wise she will continue to deliberetly challange my authority and see exactly how far she can go. That being said, I did not spank her until she was 2 1/2 years old and was being willfully disobedient, and this was only after she persisted to do the same offense in one day after several attempts to warn, redirect attention, do a time out and talk about what she did, repeat, etc.. My son was about 3 when he started to try to do things he knew she shouldn't on purpose, and so this is around the time I started spanking him. Again, it's in my bag of parenting tricks, and for some reason it seems to work when all else fails, but it is to be used occasionally when all else fails, not as a first or second or even third resort or in my opinion it will not hold the same sort of corrective power because they'll be numb to it. You also have to know if you can do it without being angry or losing control. It should be something you can do calmly and say to yourself at this point their behavior warrents a spanking and be able to calmly tell them what you are going to do, do it, and then explain why you did and have them, when they are calm, explain why they got a spanking, how they had other "chances" before the spanking and still chose to misbehave, and apologize. Obviously this is for kids who are a little older and able to think reasonably, not toddlers, which I don't spank, but a 3 or 4 year old can learn to take responsibility for their behavior and realize their are consequences for their behavior.

 

Again, same thing. Do what's right for you. I don't doubt that people can successfully raise a child that is able to take responsibility for their actions and learns how to behave without ever having to spank them. Their are very effective ways to get your point across without yelling (which I don't do), or spanking. I can very effectively for instance get my sensitive stepson who just turned 9 and so in my opinion too old to be discplined this way, to realize what he did was wrong by not allowing him to do something he had looked forward to doing or taking something away from his for the day or a couple days that he really enjoys, or if he is not turning in his homework making him do all his missing assignments during the weekend while his siblings get to play with friends is pretty darn effective. I do have a problem with the fact that it seems like the prevelent form of discipline in our society right now is no discipline, as though we are so afraid to demage the self esteem and autonomy of our child that we are utterly afraid to discpline and so do nothing at all. I've seen this all to many times at various activities, play dates, the park, etc. It becomes utterly appearent to me that the children are running the show in many households.

[Girl Power]

Why are we letting ourselves get sucked in by a troll? Only 47 posts and she starts a thread on two of the most controversial subjects here. Planning the proper time to spank a child that hasn't even been born yet? Really? Just walk away!

 

 

I'm sorry the OP is being eaten alive here. How many times have we had a friend go overboard on baby planning and just smile and nod, knowing how things will change but that she'll need to figure that out for herself?

 

So what if she's thinking of algebra programs? She's a math lover, she likes looking ahead. It makes her happy.

 

Regarding spanking, isn't it important that her husband and her be on the same page discipline wise? It sounds like she's trying to work through the issue in her mind and invited input.

 

I just wish I'd see more grace and less eating our young.

 

Beck

[arghmatey]

We use the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper. Our new baby is 4 months old. We have sex in our bed sometimes, but mostly we have sex anywhere private in our house. =)

 

I was an evil child. If my parents ever spanked me, I would turn on the water works and get what I wanted anyway because they felt guilty. Maybe they should have spanked me harder or not spanked and then been permissive. I don't know.

 

We do not spank. I despise forced obedience to humans, yet somehow my children do almost everything I ask. There's no secret. I treat them with the level of respect many people believe should be reserved for elders, and they treat me and other people with respect without us having to spank them to do it.

 

My oldest daughter wants to take down Monsanto. I don't think an obedient person would be capable of such a thing. =)

[awisha.]

I wanna know when the ability to leave tags will be finally available.

 

*feti with peni*

*speshul snowflake fetus*

*YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!*

 

*stop feeding the f-ing trolls already*

*seriously, just stop*

[*Lulu*]

I wanna know when the ability to leave tags will be finally available.

 

*feti with peni*

*YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!*

 

*stop feeding the f-ing trolls already*

*seriously, just stop*

 

 

I do not think we are supposed to get that feature back.

 

I think it is because our awesome Hive sarcasm breaks the inter webs.

 

*pouts*

[awisha.]

 

 

I do not think we are supposed to get that feature back.

 

I think it is because our awesome Hive sarcasm breaks the inter webs.

 

*pouts*

 

*throws self onto ground kicking and screaming*

 

But I waaaaaaanna tag though!!!

[Jennifer3141]

I really don't care what any special snowflake thinks when they write stuff like, "You don't understand how I feel about my baby!"

 

Yeah. Right.

 

And for the record, we've been cosleeping for nine years now. I must love my kids more than all of you!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I don't think DD is going to leave our room until we buy her a first car...

[SKL]

I really don't care what any special snowflake thinks when they write stuff like, "You don't understand how I feel about my baby!"

 

Yeah. Right.

 

And for the record, we've been cosleeping for nine years now. I must love my kids more than all of you!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I don't think DD is going to leave our room until we buy her a first car...

You got me. I don't even want to love my kids that much. Though I did spring for a pony - er - a pony riding lesson tonight! ;) I spanked 'em both yesterday, though, so that pretty much wipes out the good mom points for 2013.

[Joanne]

Some thoughts.................

 

Experts, even those who allow spanking as a tool in the parenting toolbox, would likely advise that a person with your DH's background not spank. There are those who see spanking as a primary discipline tool; I would avoid these experts as they tend to be off the mark from a child development standpoint as well as theological one.

 

Your DH reframes his exeprience with severe punishment due to a basic psychological dynamic. It is difficult to accept that the punishment inflicted by people we love and respect was inappropriate, and when that punishment falls under culturally sanctioned behavior (spanking), we can reconcile in our forming brain the dichotomy. One theory about it can be found in the "Drama of the gifted child" book.

 

Spanking should rarely be the focus. It should rarely be the focus of parenting OR discussion. The reason is because, if used at all, it should be infrequent and used in select situations for a small window of development. I, personally, don't believe in its use at all. But I can't address "spanking" in general because it varies widely in application and administration.

 

Punishment of any kind should be limited and minimal. Discipline in general needs to be informed by knowledge of development and parental self-awareness. You can't *punish* a child into maturity through spanking, time out, or any other punishment. Children develop into the next stage through in inherent desire to grow and mature. The truth is that a child will likely let go of a behavior at the same time, with our without punishment, if they have information and coaching about it.

 

Co-sleeping is a valid, safe option when chosen, and researched, and is a match for all the personalities and temperments involved.

 

In the case of the OP, were I the wife, I would absolutely insist on no spanking due to the DH's background and his lack of accurate perspective on it.

[Girl Power]

I really don't care what any special snowflake thinks when they write stuff like, "You don't understand how I feel about my baby!"

 

Yeah. Right.

 

And for the record, we've been cosleeping for nine years now. I must love my kids more than all of you!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I don't think DD is going to leave our room until we buy her a first car...

 

 

She went back and apologized for making that statement. Maybe she was feeling a bit defensive?

 

If your goal is to come off as a click of bullies, you're doing a great job. Maybe start a new social group, "the mean girls club of WTM"?

[Guest inoubliable]

She went back and apologized for making that statement. Maybe she was feeling a bit defensive?

 

If your goal is to come off as a click of bullies, you're doing a great job. Maybe start a new social group, "the mean girls club of WTM"?

 

 

:huh: The username must have thrown you off. Jennifer3141 is actually just one Jennifer. Not 3,141 of them.

[mommymilkies]

I wanna know when the ability to leave tags will be finally available.

*feti with peni*

*speshul snowflake fetus*

*YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!*

*stop feeding the f-ing trolls already*

*seriously, just stop*

 

 

I just about peed my pants laughing!

[Girl Power]

 

 

:huh: The username must have thrown you off. Jennifer3141 is actually just one Jennifer. Not 3,141 of them.

 

 

Yeah, got it. I was using collective "you", you know, toward the handful that are being most vicious.

 

Or maybe you were trying to be funny? Couldn't tell . . .

 

Beck

[Guest inoubliable]

Yeah, got it. I was using collective "you", you know, toward the handful that are being most vicious.

 

Or maybe you were trying to be funny? Couldn't tell . . .

 

Beck

 

Ohhhh. Weird. So who else is in this mean girl clique?

[Girl Power]

Here's a start

 

 

Why are we letting ourselves get sucked in by a troll? Only 47 posts and she starts a thread on two of the most controversial subjects here. Planning the proper time to spank a child that hasn't even been born yet? Really? Just walk away!

I wanna know when the ability to leave tags will be finally available.

*feti with peni*

*speshul snowflake fetus*

*YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!*

*stop feeding the f-ing trolls already*

*seriously, just stop*

*throws self onto ground kicking and screaming*

But I waaaaaaanna tag though!!!

I really don't care what any special snowflake thinks when they write stuff like, "You don't understand how I feel about my baby!"

Yeah. Right.

And for the record, we've been cosleeping for nine years now. I must love my kids more than all of you!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I don't think DD is going to leave our room until we buy her a first car...

You got me. I don't even want to love my kids that much. Though I did spring for a pony - er - a pony riding lesson tonight! ;) I spanked 'em both yesterday, though, so that pretty much wipes out the good mom points for 2013.

[SailorMom]

I'm a planner. I also have OCD - so there ya' go :) I can understand agonizing over decisions far out in the future, and wanting to have a plan in place so that I can "check a box" so to speak. However, I am also extremely flexible and couldn't care less if I have to throw plans A through H out the window and start on Plan I :)

I've been 'liking' the posts that are cautioning the OP to not get too dogmatic on child rearing issues before the child gets here :) That isn't said in a mean way - simply a "Wow - we've been there and learned the hard way that the best laid plans get stomped on the hardest."

I was so very anti-homeschooling, and here I am having homeschooled for 8 years now, lol. I swore my kids would never watch TV... lol... Only ever eat healthy food.... lol...

Anyway - nothing wrong with planning and thinking things through that may be tough decisions. But - bringing up these two topics is a surefire way of starting a heavy-handed debate here.

Oh - We didn't really co-sleep (except for desperate naps when they were brand new), and we spanked for misbehavior that could have lead to someone getting hurt.

[Guest inoubliable]

Here's a start

 

 

:( Well shit. Do I have to dial my snark up to a full 10 before I can get in?

[mommymilkies]

I've never been in a clique before. Sign me up!

[caitlinsmom]

I wanna know when the ability to leave tags will be finally available.

 

*feti with peni*

*speshul snowflake fetus*

*YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!*

 

*stop feeding the f-ing trolls already*

*seriously, just stop*

 

 

Awesome. Glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that.

 

I do have to say though, 2 pages before someone called troll?? Are we loosing out touch a bit? I sure hope not. :)

[Guest inoubliable]

I've never been in a clique before. Sign me up!

 

 

Tags... tags... it's all about the tags. I think.

Hmmm....

Oh! Here we go.

I'd tag this with..... "crazy talk", "no clue", and "trollololol".

 

Your turn!

[Catwoman]

 

 

:( Well shit. Do I have to dial my snark up to a full 10 before I can get in?

 

 

:iagree:

 

I'm rather offended that I wasn't included. I thought I was plenty snarky.

 

But since Girl Power is apparently the self-appointed Forum Police (and not one of the Spice Girls, as I has originally suspected based on her username,) I guess you and I are out of luck, KK.

[mommymilkies]

 

 

Awesome. Glad I wasn't drinking something when I read that.

 

I do have to say though, 2 pages before someone called troll?? Are we loosing out touch a bit? I sure hope not. :)

 

 

I agree. I mean, really? Either a troll or someone in desperate need of help for an anxiety disorder and/or OCD. This coming from someone with both.

 

I'm no good with snappy tag names, but I would add

#chillax

#getarealitycheck

[Catwoman]

I've never been in a clique before. Sign me up!

 

 

I'd love to, but apparently I'm not invited, either.

 

Perhaps we need to start our own Marginally Offensive clique while we work our way up to being true Mean Girls.

[Guest inoubliable]

:iagree:

 

I'm rather offended that I wasn't included. I thought I was plenty snarky.

 

But since Girl Power is apparently the self-appointed Forum Police (and not one of the Spice Girls, as I has originally suspected based on her username,) I guess you and I are out of luck, KK.

 

 

It's really disappointing. I'd worked so hard at a reputation around here and all, you know? :(

[Guest inoubliable]

I agree. I mean, really? Either a troll or someone in desperate need of help for an anxiety disorder and/or OCD. This coming from someone with both.

 

I'm no good with snappy tag names, but I would add

#chillax

#getarealitycheck

 

 

LOL @ "chillax".

[Catwoman]

 

 

It's really disappointing. I'd worked so hard at a reputation around here and all, you know? :(

 

 

I know. I share your pain. :(

[mommymilkies]

I'd love to, but apparently I'm not invited, either.

Perhaps we need to start our own Marginally Offensive clique while we work our way up to being true Mean Girls.

 

 

Do we need a Social Group or is this just something we should make others aware of so they can call us out when we post on the same thread? Is there a testing process to making it All the way to Mean Girls, or is it based solely on saying unpopular things? As in, should we start another thread on guns/spanking/breastfeeding/insert controversial topic here?

[caitlinsmom]

I'd love to, but apparently I'm not invited, either.

 

Perhaps we need to start our own Marginally Offensive clique while we work our way up to being true Mean Girls.

 

 

I try to keep my mean girl reigned in a bit but today I am feeling a little frisky. I would love to join but only if we have a super awesome sarcastic witty remark as our code phrase. Sarcasm+Marginally Offensive= awesome

[Girl Power]

Thank you for demonstrating my point, ladies. Continue.

[Catwoman]

Thank you for demonstrating my point, ladies. Continue.

 

 

You are more than welcome. :D

[Guest inoubliable]

Do we need a Social Group or is this just something we should make others aware of so they can call us out when we post on the same thread? Is there a testing process to making it All the way to Mean Girls, or is it based solely on saying unpopular things? As in, should we start another thread on guns/spanking/breastfeeding/insert controversial topic here?

 

 

Good question!

 

I need to know this if I'm going to post in anymore controversial threads. Is there a way to test out of Marginally Offensive and go straight into Mean Girls?