Blogging about your kids...always a good idea?

[*Lulu*]

As I posted earlier, I do not think it is the vehicle used for the over sharing that is a problem, but the actual over sharing itself.

 

When I was growing up there were some of my mom's friends who routinely over shared about their children and marriages; most of the time it was no big deal. However, there were a few times where it caused distress and damage in relationships. I imagine if they had put those words in print, even to a small circle on Facebook, that it would have been at least as destructive as just verbally sharing.

 

There is usually a price to putting our needs and desires above the needs and desires of those we are in relationship with. It is a balance and is frequently worth it; the flip side is that we can cause damage. I see over sharing as being one of a multitude of ways we can potentially harm others. Gossip is gossip, even if you are related to the subject of it.

 

 

(I am NOT saying mommy blogs are gossip, but that over sharing personal information has the potential to drift into the category of gossip.)

[NotSoObvious]

If blogging isn't for you, then don't have a blog. There are a lot of other parenting decisions that I don't agree with, so I don't do them.

 

While I agree that you can of course share too much information and I struggle with this constantly (and sometimes want to delete my blog altogether), I also know that I've appreciated so many of the blogs I read. I didn't know a single soul IRL who homeschooled when we started homeschooling. I was grateful for all the different blogs that helped me sort it out and really see what it might be like for our family.

I have a daughter with special needs and I'm glad when I get emails from people grateful that they "found" my blog because it has helped them with their own kids, like introducing them to vision therapy.

 

My kids are happy, well-adjusted, and they know who they are. The fact that my daughter has been in speech for six years isn't a secret or something that she is ashamed of. Why would it be?

 

There are things they would never want me to blog about and I of course wouldn't. I probably let out too much info when they were little, but we live and learn.

 

The Internet is becoming part of their world. I know what's going on online with other kids their age. MY blog is the very, absolute least of my worries.

[Aslana]

As I posted earlier, I do not think it is the vehicle used for the over sharing that is a problem, but the actual over sharing itself.

 

When I was growing up there were some of my mom's friends who routinely over shared about their children and marriages; most of the time it was no big deal. However, there were a few times where it caused distress and damage in relationships. I imagine if they had put those words in print, even to a small circle on Facebook, that it would have been at least as destructive as just verbally sharing.

 

There is usually a price to putting our needs and desires above the needs and desires of those we are in relationship with. It is a balance and is frequently worth it; the flip side is that we can cause damage. I see over sharing as being one of a multitude of ways we can potentially harm others. Gossip is gossip, even if you are related to the subject of it.

 

 

(I am NOT saying mommy blogs are gossip, but that over sharing personal information has the potential to drift into the category of gossip.)

 

 

Particularly to the bolded: I simply do not have time to nor do I, really care about this. If I trust you enough to become a friend, I expect, as friends, that we should be talking about things to help each other through that station in life. This is not expecting too much either! GOOD friends DO talk about these things and do what you consider "oversharing" and if a friend of mine no longer wanted to be my friend because they felt I over shared or it caused some kind of distress or damage in our relationship; then that friend would be a friend no more and I would not mourn the loss.

 

Friends do these things for each other, period. And I extremely, vehemently disagree that it drifts into the category of gossip. I've read on past boards, so many who say "I have no one to talk to IRL". What if they truly don't? Are they supposed to just keep everything they are going through, bottled up? NO! If they consider this board (for example) or even their blog a way to "talk to someone", who am I to begrudge them that?

 

I simply do not understand this attitude of "we can be friends but OMG TMI!" If we are friends, WHY can't I talk to you? Why can't I share things with you--things that I may potentially need help with? I would be flattered and honored if a friend came to me with something like this and they needed help. It means they not only trust me, but they respect me as a potentially a person of knowledge and as someone who really can help them. I would most definitely not scream TMI or gossip to my friend. I would do what friends do and listen then help them.

[sparrow]

We keep a blog. It's mostly to document our kids' lives and share them with extended family who live far away. I'd never post anything that I would feel uncomfortable sharing in church or whatever. But I would hope that my posts about my difficulty raising kids, or the struggles the kids have had are taken in context. Life isn't perfect. Kids aren't perfect people. They have ups and downs too. And that's okay. Eventually, I will post about how they overcame whatever trial they were struggling with and then the message won't be of despair, but of victory.

 

BUT, my blog's not famous or well-read. The readers who know of it and the tiny space of the Internet it inhabits are family and friends. It's mostly just a documentation of our life. And for that, I would hope for it to be accurate, not only posting about the good and/or happy things.

 

 

Regarding your bolded comment, I followed a not-so famous blog about a decade ago. She didn't post terribly often and her topics were not that trendy to garner lots of traffic. I just found her by accident and liked her writing. In any event, she discovered that someone had lifted her photos and created a whole blog life claiming she was his wife and her son was *their* son. It was beyond creepy. That cured me from EVER wanting a public blog.

 

 

Interesting, because the adoption blogs are the ones that bother me the most.

 

I was adopted, so were my siblings, and I would not have wanted our most personal issues made public -- even for the support of other adoptive families. That would not have justified it in my mind.

 

It's one thing to share with trusted friends, family, a counselor, or a support group with confidentiality guidelines.

 

But to post sensitive, private information about a newly adopted child on a public blog that can be read by anyone? I don't understand that.

 

 

:iagree: I was also adopted, as are my children. Our stories to tell, should we choose to. PERIOD.

 

 

This just seems like another thing to have a mommy wars ordeal over. *shrug*

 

If someone over shares, well, that's their problem. And besides, what is over sharing? We would all define that differently. I don't want to read about someone's v*gina or bathroom habits, whereas someone else is offended by even seeing pictures of someone else's child that shows their face. Some people are super, staunchly private, other people need to talk things through. So what? Why would it bother us so much? I feel like this thread is meant to make those of us who ever blog about our children in any way feel like bad parents or something.

 

I agree that people overshare, and some even do so to the point of putting their children in actual danger IMO. But I don't see this as something to group all bloggers together. Many of you seem very private. That's fine, I don't think it is necessarily superior. Our kids can grow up feeling incredibly loved and treasured even if we blog their every move. And they can grow up feeling hated and abandoned if their parents never start a blog. I don't think a blog makes or breaks that.

 

 

Thanks. This post made me think. People obviously have different levels of comfort with what they share. I worked with women in an office environment that talked all. day. long. They really talked about everything freely and were quite comfortable with that. I have always been accused of being stuck-up, truth be told, because I don't partake in what *I* perceive to be off limits topics. I'm just pretty private and those conversations make me feel awkward. Blogging would be the same thing for me, but that doesn't mean everybody has the same sharing "comfort level".

[*Lulu*]

I think we are talking past each other.

 

It didn't cause problems between my mother and her friend, but between the friend and her husband and child who did not appreciate her sharing their personal problems.

 

The reason I know this is because her child and I were in the room while she was sharing. If she had spoken to my mother confidentially and privately she would not have had the issue as my mother would have never shared even with my dad.

 

Private conversations with friends are good and wonderful. I have several friends that I confide very personal information to, but not information that would upset or embarrass DH because he is more important to me than my need to vent. Could we hit a point that my need to seek advice was greater than my need to respect his privacy, sure, but if we are at that point we likely have larger issues than my chatting with a friend.

[SKL]

Talking about my children is about as far from gossip as bathing them is from molesting. I trust myself to raise them to know the difference.

[Aslana]

I think we are talking last each other.

 

It didn't cause problems between my mother and her friend, but between the friend and her husband and child who did not appreciate her sharing their personal problems.

 

The reason I know this is because her child and I were in the room while she was sharing. If she had spoken to my mother confidentially and privately she would not have had the issue as my mother would have never shared even with my dad.

 

Private conversations with friends are good and wonderful. I have several friends that I confide very personal information to, but not information that would upset or embarrass DH because he is more important to me than my need to vent. Could we hit a point that my need to seek advice was greater than my need to respect his privacy, sure, but if we are at that point we likely have larger issues than my chatting with a friend.

 

Honestly, were this me--I'd say my husband was the one with the issue because he lacked the understanding that there would be times I'd need to "talk about him" but not to him. Sorry. I'm not this gung-ho about keeping things private for the sake of my husband or my kid. If I NEED to talk to you, I'm going to. And my husband has just as much right to do the same about me with his friends! It's mutual.

 

If these problems did not exist, they would not be shared. If she felt the need to share them with someone she trusted, then there was a need this husband could not fix. So yes, I agree with your last sentence (..we likely have larger issues...). And it's because of that last sentence that I strongly feel I have as much right to speak with a confidant about private issues as my husband does. Especially if we've already tried speaking to each other and it is not working. Perhaps our confidants know something we haven't tried.

 

But I also feel it is perfectly acceptable for he and I to have separate friends (male AND female) as well as group friends. People need that kind of connection. I know some will say they do not, that all they ever need is their husband, but I also disagree with this too. I implicitly trust him and because I do, I do not care if he has female friends. I don't care what they could be thinking or doing--I only care about what he thinks and if he's not doing, then all is good. And most relationships do work like this. Even with children.

[Joker]

 

Honestly, were this me--I'd say my husband was the one with the issue because he lacked the understanding that there would be times I'd need to "talk about him" but not to him. Sorry. I'm not this gung-ho about keeping things private for the sake of my husband or my kid. If I NEED to talk to you, I'm going to. And my husband has just as much right to do the same about me with his friends! It's mutual.

 

 

 

I have no real comments about blogging because it's not something I 'get' or do, but I did want to comment on the above. I have never talked negatively about dh to anyone. If I have a problem with him, I discuss it with him. I also do not feel he has the 'right' to talk about our personal problems to others. He doesn't and I would not take it well if he did. If we couldn't work something out on our own, we would seek counseling. Of course, I am someone who doesn't share negative things about my kids with anyone other than dh or my mom. I don't find it fair to them. I honestly can't imagine people I love sharing problems about me with friends or strangers.

[Aslana]

 

I have no real comments about blogging because it's not something I 'get' or do, but I did want to comment on the above. I have never talked negatively about dh to anyone. If I have a problem with him, I discuss it with him. I also do not feel he has the 'right' to talk about our personal problems to others. He doesn't and I would not take it well if he did. If we couldn't work something out on our own, we would seek counseling. Of course, I am someone who doesn't share negative things about my kids with anyone other than dh or my mom. I don't find it fair to them. I honestly can't imagine people I love sharing problems about me with friends or strangers.

 

I don't consider it negative to speak about him if he and I are having an issue that speaking to each other has not yet solved. And since I cannot afford counseling, and I do have friends who I think would make better counselors than the ones out there, AND my friends really are my friends, I will speak with them. They know me, I know them. There is no getting used to the counselor or her to me. There is no potential to lie about the situation or not tell the whole story.

 

Because my friends know it and know how to help. That's what friends do. And I do expect my DH to seek out his friends to discuss things with should talks with me not reach any satisfaction. I absolutely do not understand this whole "offensive" or "Hurt" issue. My marriage is a partnership--equal in all ways. He does not rule me and I do not submit to him. And because of this, we are perfectly fine with seeking outside friend help if we need to.

[Catwoman]

 

I don't consider it negative to speak about him if he and I are having an issue that speaking to each other has not yet solved. And since I cannot afford counseling, and I do have friends who I think would make better counselors than the ones out there, AND my friends really are my friends, I will speak with them. They know me, I know them. There is no getting used to the counselor or her to me. There is no potential to lie about the situation or not tell the whole story.

 

Because my friends know it and know how to help. That's what friends do. And I do expect my DH to seek out his friends to discuss things with should talks with me not reach any satisfaction. I absolutely do not understand this whole "offensive" or "Hurt" issue. My marriage is a partnership--equal in all ways. He does not rule me and I do not submit to him. And because of this, we are perfectly fine with seeking outside friend help if we need to.

 

I would absolutely not be OK with my dh discussing our private personal problems with his friends. (I don't discuss those things with my friends, either.)

 

I'm not sure what marital submission has to do with any of this.

[Joker]

We'll just have to agree to disagree. I only have one friend who shares information with me about her dh and I don't like it. I don't find it all that honest either because it is only her perception of things, it is not both sides of the issue. It changes the way I see her dh who is also my friend. I'm not going to to that to my friends or to dh.

[Catwoman]

We'll just have to agree to disagree. I only have one friend who shares information with me about her dh and I don't like it. I don't find it all that honest either because it is only her perception of things, it is not both sides of the issue. It changes the way I see her dh who is also my friend. I'm not going to to that to my friends or to dh.

 

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

Also, if one spouse discusses a personal problem with a friend, he or she might very well also be confessing to that person's spouse... and best friend... and sister... and pretty soon half the free world knows that X's dh is having ED issues (or whatever.) :eek:

 

And people remember what you tell them. If you go ranting to your friend about how your dh did this stupid thing and that stupid thing, and how you disagree with him on XYZ and how he's a mama's boy who needs a backbone... guess what? Every time your friends look at your dh, from now until the end of time, that's what they'll be thinking -- even though it may have only been a momentary rant on your part, and all is well between the two of you again.

 

I'm with you, Horton. Marital issues are private. It's a matter of trust, and I would consider it a major betrayal if I thought my dh was telling his friends about our personal issues (and he would feel the same way.)

[Guest inoubliable]

 

I would absolutely not be OK with my dh discussing our private personal problems with his friends. (I don't discuss those things with my friends, either.)

 

I'm not sure what marital submission has to do with any of this.

 

 

Marital submission has nothing to do with any of it. Some people like to cry "marital submission" whenever someone else's marriage is different from theirs. I've had people give me an earful about submission when I've mentioned having to get off the phone so I can have dinner ready before my DH gets home. Really? Because we'd like to eat at the time DH gets home and would also be hungry (weird, isn't it? That people would be hungry when they get home from work in the evening??) that means I'm submissive? I guess. To my digestive system. People are funny. Some of them like to be contrary, too.

[Aslana]

Yes, we will have to quite obviously agree to disagree.

 

I can assure you that DH nor I feel, however, that we are breaking each other's trust. This is something we came into our relationship knowing was important to us.

[unsinkable]

Stir fried veggies: $5

Brown rice: $1

Submissive to your digestive system? priceless!

[Catwoman]

 

Marital submission has nothing to do with any of it. Some people like to cry "marital submission" whenever someone else's marriage is different from theirs. I've had people give me an earful about submission when I've mentioned having to get off the phone so I can have dinner ready before my DH gets home. Really? Because we'd like to eat at the time DH gets home and would also be hungry (weird, isn't it? That people would be hungry when they get home from work in the evening??) that means I'm submissive? I guess. To my digestive system. People are funny. Some of them like to be contrary, too.

 

 

:iagree:

[*Lulu*]

 

 

I would absolutely not be OK with my dh discussing our private personal problems with his friends. (I don't discuss those things with my friends, either.)

 

I'm not sure what marital submission has to do with any of this.

 

 

I agree and there is an absolute difference between talking about something and over sharing. I talk about DH with a couple of my friends on a regular basis, but I speak about him no differently than I would if he were sitting there.

 

If you have not been subjected to conversational over share with your particular group of friends then you may not understand where those who have are coming from. I also wonder if being introverted vs extroverted makes a great difference in how we perceive this issue?

[Catwoman]

Yes, we will have to quite obviously agree to disagree.

 

I can assure you that DH nor I feel, however, that we are breaking each other's trust. This is something we came into our relationship knowing was important to us.

 

 

As long as it works for both of you, that's all that matters.

[Aslana]

 

Marital submission has nothing to do with any of it. Some people like to cry "marital submission" whenever someone else's marriage is different from theirs. I've had people give me an earful about submission when I've mentioned having to get off the phone so I can have dinner ready before my DH gets home. Really? Because we'd like to eat at the time DH gets home and would also be hungry (weird, isn't it? That people would be hungry when they get home from work in the evening??) that means I'm submissive? I guess. To my digestive system. People are funny. Some of them like to be contrary, too.

 

 

 

No no.. I wouldn't cry martial submission on this issue. Even I have dinner prepared for when he gets home. But I do think the difference is this (and this is just an example, not something that's happening to you or anyone else): if you feel you have to get off the phone to make sure dinner is ready before he gets home or else he might be upset? Then we have an issue of marital submission in my opinion.

 

Otherwise, no this isn't a contrary issue. I simply don't understand not sharing with true friends or confidants things I may need help with. Especially if they are things pertaining to my husband that I feel would best be handled without getting him involved. And he feels the same way. It's how our relationship works.

[Catwoman]

I agree and there is an absolute difference between talking about something and over sharing. I talk about DH with a couple of my friends on a regular basis, but I speak about him no differently than I would if he were sitting there.

 

If you have not been subjected to conversational over share with your particular group of friends then you may not understand where those who have are coming from. I also wonder if being introverted vs extroverted makes a great difference in how we perceive this issue?

 

 

I don't think it's an introvert/extrovert thing. I think it's a TMI thing. And a "look at me, look at me" thing.

 

Some people need to be the center of attention, and I often find that they are the ones who are most likely to over-share (which I think is the perfect term for it, BTW! :thumbup:) I also think they are the most likely to embellish their stories and problems. They're not really looking for solutions; they just love the drama.

[SKL]

Has anyone noticed that wives often like to complain about their husbands to their mothers/sisters-in-law? That's how it is in my family. I guess they figure it is fair game since we love our sons/brothers no matter what. Of course daughters also complain to their mothers, up to a point. Is that considered OK?

[Catwoman]

No no.. I wouldn't cry martial submission on this issue. Even I have dinner prepared for when he gets home. But I do think the difference is this (and this is just an example, not something that's happening to you or anyone else): if you feel you have to get off the phone to make sure dinner is ready before he gets home or else he might be upset? Then we have an issue of marital submission in my opinion.

 

 

I'm still trying to figure out what marital submission has to do with blogging about your kids or discussing personal problems with friends. :confused:

 

I really hope this thread doesn't go in that direction. It never ends well, and is totally off-topic, as far as I can see.

[*Lulu*]

Phrases/words I wish would be un-co-opted:

 

 

 

Marital submission

 

Bully

 

Liberal

 

Denim jumper

 

 

Also, could someone please teach the world that moot and mute are not interchangeable?

 

 

 

 

[Joanne]

I think it is mostly a modern media of ancient content. Due to the technology, the "exposure" is more grahic and proliferated, but the inclination to discuss how we spend most of our hours is timeless.

 

I'm reminded of Erma Bombeck or Bill Crosby who talked about similar issues long before the internet.

 

Is there a point @ which is is too much, damaging, potentially damaging, or inappropriate? Of course. I personally have some regrets, yet I feel nothing was wrong about posting a picture this week on my FB of my oldest in the hospital with his breathing treatment facemask, playing on his phone. It was a way to tell friends and family he was sick and to laugh with him and others about family life.

 

OTOH, I have also observed that social media and technology assisted communication has become a topic on which many people get on a theoretical high horse and posit their choices as automatically healthier and superior.

[*Lulu*]

I think it is mostly a modern media of ancient content. Due to the technology, the "exposure" is more grahic and proliferated, but the inclination to discuss how we spend most of our hours is timeless.

 

I'm reminded of Erma Bombeck or Bill Crosby who talked about similar issues long before the internet.

 

Is there a point @ which is is too much, damaging, potentially damaging, or inappropriate? Of course. I personally have some regrets, yet I feel nothing was wrong about posting a picture this week on my FB of my oldest in the hospital with his breathing treatment facemask, playing on his phone. It was a way to tell friends and family he was sick and to laugh with him and others about family life.

 

OTOH, I have also observed that social media and technology assisted communication has become a topic on which many people get on a theoretical high horse and posit their choices as automatically healthier and superior.

 

 

I didn't want to snip your post, but have not figured out how to bold on this tablet.

 

I think your last paragraph is just another modern ancient problem. Ancient battle, modern playing field.

[unsinkable]

Phrases/words I wish would be un-co-opted:

 

 

 

Marital submission

 

Bully

 

Liberal

 

Denim jumper

 

 

Also, could someone please teach the world that moot and mute are not interchangeable?

 

 

Hey, what ever happened to the denim jumper homeschooling board? The one that split off from here when a whole buncha people got banned and/or left with a hair flip and flounce?

[*Lulu*]

 

 

Hey, what ever happened to the denim jumper homeschooling board? The one that split off from here when a whole buncha people got banned and/or left with a hair flip and flounce?

 

 

I don't know, but I am confident that the denim jumper I wore back in '98 would get me kicked out of the local DJ association. (If not for its scandalous length then for the gross injustice of subjecting people to my serious vericose veins!)

[Guest submarines]

Regarding your bolded comment, I followed a not-so famous blog about a decade ago. She didn't post terribly often and her topics were not that trendy to garner lots of traffic. I just found her by accident and liked her writing. In any event, she discovered that someone had lifted her photos and created a whole blog life claiming she was his wife and her son was *their* son. It was beyond creepy. That cured me from EVER wanting a public blog.

 

 

 

This happened to a friend of mine. Another woman (?) created a blog with her photos, claimed my friend's children were her children, and started a local "meet-up" for new moms. Beyond creepy.

[Catwoman]

 

 

This happened to a friend of mine. Another woman (?) created a blog with her photos, claimed my friend's children were her children, and started a local "meet-up" for new moms. Beyond creepy.

 

Yikes! That is creepy! :eek:

[unsinkable]

If saying it is inappropriate to post a full frontal nude shot of your preschooler on Instagram w/thousands of followers is wrong, I don't want to be right.

 

If you want to say I'm contributing to the mommy wars or getting on my high horse, so be it. Nude pics of your kid on social media is wrong.

 

Hi ho silver.

[Aslana]

Where did anyone say nude pics of your kid online was good? I don't recall anyone saying that.

[happymomofboys]

I agree and there is an absolute difference between talking about something and over sharing. I talk about DH with a couple of my friends on a regular basis, but I speak about him no differently than I would if he were sitting there.

 

If you have not been subjected to conversational over share with your particular group of friends then you may not understand where those who have are coming from. I also wonder if being introverted vs extroverted makes a great difference in how we perceive this issue?

 

This. I am a very introverted and generally private person. I like blogs and FB up until the point they share something that has the potential to embarrass or humiliate their child or spouse. I was embarrassed and humiliated growing up by oversharing and that was before blogs and FB. It seriously affected my self-esteem and trust in others. I won't do that to my kids.

[Catwoman]

This. I am a very introverted and generally private person. I like blogs and FB up until the point they share something that has the potential to embarrass or humiliate their child or spouse. I was embarrassed and humiliated growing up by oversharing and that was before blogs and FB. It seriously affected my self-esteem and trust in others. I won't do that to my kids.

 

I agree. And the worst thing is that a lot of people don't over-share because they're trying to get some help or advice, or because they think that sharing their experiences will help others; they are doing it strictly for entertainment value. Sorry, but I'm not going to embarrass and humiliate my family just to get people to keep visiting my blog and to get them to think I'm funny and witty, and so they can get a good laugh out of something that happened to my dh or my child. (I don't even have a blog, but if I did, I wouldn't include personal stuff in it.)

[butterflymommy]

I try to keep my blog pretty neutral. I don't post photos where you'll ever be able to recognize my kids and I don't use our names. I write about NYC, what there is to do, and how to maneuver through the strict regulations. I also talk about what methods and books and programs we use and what we think of it all. I don't think I've put anything in to embarrass the kids, but I do say how proud I am.

Now you got me paranoid.

 

So you are cityschooling!! Wow, I have used your letter of intent and quarterly report templates for years now. Nice to meet you. :)

[I.Dup.]

If saying it is inappropriate to post a full frontal nude shot of your preschooler on Instagram w/thousands of followers is wrong, I don't want to be right.

 

If you want to say I'm contributing to the mommy wars or getting on my high horse, so be it. Nude pics of your kid on social media is wrong.

 

Hi ho silver.

 

This conversation has gone way beyond nude pics. I think we would all (hopefully) agree that nude pics of our kids is a stupid thing to post!!

 

AFA family members knowing that our kids back talk and the horror that our children may feel about that someday....ummm....isn't that information that family shares with each other? I know I complain to MIL about certain things my kids are doing and she tells me dh did the same thing and we laugh about it, or I'll ask my mom for advice and vent about my kids. If we truly were a "village" culture like much of the world is, these things wouldn't be big, taboo secrets. Everyone would know who the "problem child" is if you will, what the mom and dad's weaknesses are....it's not that huge of a deal. I just don't get why we have to keep all of this super secretive and private.

 

To be fair, I also share all the time about my own weaknesses, as you will find if you read more than 2 of my posts on this board. It's a personal flaw where I never want to appear superior or something. But I am constantly sharing about my own faults. I share on our blog WAY more about my own personal issues than I do about my kids but even when I do share about my kids' weaknesses, I just don't see why that's some big, relationship-breaking ordeal? This is still only a tiny percentage of my blog, most is just pictures and trip reports and fun things we've been doing for the family to enjoy.

 

I am not bothered that my mom tells everyone every time diapers is mentioned that I wore diapers at night until I was 5 because I peed the bed. I was 5. Who cares? And I will gladly volunteer that I was an overly sensitive child and a difficult teen. I'm just not big on secrets and don't see the point, but I do understand not everyone is this way, and I do try to be careful about not oversharing. It seems like many of you are not comfortable with ANY sharing about one's children on their own blog?

[butterflymommy]

This happened to a friend of mine. Another woman (?) created a blog with her photos, claimed my friend's children were her children, and started a local "meet-up" for new moms. Beyond creepy.

 

I have one that's even worse but it was a message board. The male admin had female sock puppets who "adored" him and he would use these fake IDs to PM the real women on the board about how amazing he was (since "they" had met him, and loved him). He did meet more than one woman IRL. I was online friends with one woman and she said nothing happened, other than that he seemed very nervous and agitated.

 

I like message boards but after that experience I am very, very careful and never share my full name, address, phone number even in PMs (which can be read by anyone with database access).

[Runningmom80]

Whoa.

[PachiSusan]

Whoa.

 

 

LMAO.

[PachiSusan]

Ok...having slept on this overnight and looked at it fresh in the morning:

 

So is what I'm reading here that to some, there are very little acceptable ways to share authentically without being exploitative? The goal of my blog is just that: to be authentic in my sharing of the ups and downs of home education as a life style. If I can't be authentic, there is no use in even having a blog.

 

This thread has alternately made me angry and very sad. My blogging is not for profit, not for exploitation of my beautiful gifts called Melissa and home education, nor is it meant to make anyone feel less than who they authentically are.

[Wheres Toto]

I've been thinking about this thread too. And I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I blog. There are pictures of my kids. I use their real first names. I mostly blog about what we do for school, vacations we take, fun activities we do. I try to keep it real in the sense that I show/talk about the failed activities as well as the successes. But, I don't post often about personal issues or the challenges of a 2E/quirky kid. I don't have a lot of readers but I know many of them are people who I know IRL, family members and friends of family. Other than a few posts of specific activities we did in the past, I don't get many hits at all. I don't think I've posted anything that my kids would find embarrassing but I'm not looking back over all the posts to check either. I know I don't have any nude pictures on there.

 

I don't make any money from my blog and don't expect to. I like having a record of the things we do, far away family likes to see the kids and what we're up to, and every so often I have a project or idea that others seem to like or find useful.

 

I've thought about doing a blog with no identifying information and no pictures so nobody would know it's me/us, and using it to vent about some of the more challenging aspects of life as a severely introverted secular homeschooling mom of some really quirky kids. But I usually end up deciding I'm too lazy to keep up with two blogs.

 

I have started watermarking any pictures on my blog with my kids in them.

[fourcatmom]

I've been thinking about this thread too. And I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I blog. There are pictures of my kids. I use their real first names. I mostly blog about what we do for school, vacations we take, fun activities we do. I try to keep it real in the sense that I show/talk about the failed activities as well as the successes. But, I don't post often about personal issues or the challenges of a 2E/quirky kid. I don't have a lot of readers but I know many of them are people who I know IRL, family members and friends of family. Other than a few posts of specific activities we did in the past, I don't get many hits at all. I don't think I've posted anything that my kids would find embarrassing but I'm not looking back over all the posts to check either. I know I don't have any nude pictures on there.

 

I don't make any money from my blog and don't expect to. I like having a record of the things we do, far away family likes to see the kids and what we're up to, and every so often I have a project or idea that others seem to like or find useful.

 

I've thought about doing a blog with no identifying information and no pictures so nobody would know it's me/us, and using it to vent about some of the more challenging aspects of life as a severely introverted secular homeschooling mom of some really quirky kids. But I usually end up deciding I'm too lazy to keep up with two blogs.

 

I have started watermarking any pictures on my blog with my kids in them.

 

I have thought about doing this as well..what program do you use/how do you do it?

 

I just want to add that I spent all night and most of my morning thinking about these issues and I still don't know where I stand with them. I do blog and I like it but it makes me think about other issues that are important to. I appreciate this thread even though I have been a little sad as well. I think sometimes we do need to really evaluate our decisions and these threads give us pause to consider them and an opportunity to change if see fit. My blog has changed over the course of the two years that I started it and so have my kids, they are older and I am thinking maybe they like it less but don't want to tell me. If anything, I am going to have an open dialog with my girls tomorrow and really hear their feelings of my blogging about our life, which includes them.

 

I do worry about the information always being out there and available. What might seem okay now, might not seem okay later. The part of this thread where someone said, "this is their story" really hit home with me. I do share too much, I do talk to much because I don't have the adult contact anymore (off of job due to disability). I guess it's a way to be creative and be apart of an adult world but my intention has never been to exploit my girls or to take advantage, make money (beyond a free book or something) or to exploit them in anyway. I love my children and enjoy sharing about what we do but do worry everyday about the content, pictures included that I am making public.

 

I also think when someone made a comment about teaching them to share their feelings and share personal information via the web is extremely valid. When I think about them later sharing information and trusting people and chatting with people on line, it makes me cringe but then that's what I am teaching them? This is not the intended lesson that I was hoping for in starting a blog but it's all I can think about right now.

[Joker]

 

 

This conversation has gone way beyond nude pics. I think we would all (hopefully) agree that nude pics of our kids is a stupid thing to post!!

 

AFA family members knowing that our kids back talk and the horror that our children may feel about that someday....ummm....isn't that information that family shares with each other? I know I complain to MIL about certain things my kids are doing and she tells me dh did the same thing and we laugh about it, or I'll ask my mom for advice and vent about my kids. If we truly were a "village" culture like much of the world is, these things wouldn't be big, taboo secrets. Everyone would know who the "problem child" is if you will, what the mom and dad's weaknesses are....it's not that huge of a deal. I just don't get why we have to keep all of this super secretive and private.

 

To be fair, I also share all the time about my own weaknesses, as you will find if you read more than 2 of my posts on this board. It's a personal flaw where I never want to appear superior or something. But I am constantly sharing about my own faults. I share on our blog WAY more about my own personal issues than I do about my kids but even when I do share about my kids' weaknesses, I just don't see why that's some big, relationship-breaking ordeal? This is still only a tiny percentage of my blog, most is just pictures and trip reports and fun things we've been doing for the family to enjoy.

 

I am not bothered that my mom tells everyone every time diapers is mentioned that I wore diapers at night until I was 5 because I peed the bed. I was 5. Who cares? And I will gladly volunteer that I was an overly sensitive child and a difficult teen. I'm just not big on secrets and don't see the point, but I do understand not everyone is this way, and I do try to be careful about not oversharing. It seems like many of you are not comfortable with ANY sharing about one's children on their own blog?

 

I think sharing your children's problems with your parents is very different than sharing them with extended family, friends, and strangers via blog or other social media. Dh and I have discussed kid issues with our parents, but they don't share that information with others. I also don't see it being so much about keeping secrets. It is more, at least to me, about having parts of our lives meant to be private, and about respecting what my kids are comfortable with sharing with friends and strangers.

[Wheres Toto]

I have thought about doing this as well..what program do you use/how do you do it?

 

 

 

I write my posts in Windows Live Writer and it allows you to crop and watermark pictures as you write a post.

[Chelli]

I upload all of my pictures to Picasa and add text/watermark when I edit them.

[twoxcell]

Ok...having slept on this overnight and looked at it fresh in the morning:

 

So is what I'm reading here that to some, there are very little acceptable ways to share authentically without being exploitative? The goal of my blog is just that: to be authentic in my sharing of the ups and downs of home education as a life style. If I can't be authentic, there is no use in even having a blog.

 

This thread has alternately made me angry and very sad. My blogging is not for profit, not for exploitation of my beautiful gifts called Melissa and home education, nor is it meant to make anyone feel less than who they authentically are.

:iagree:

[happymomofboys]

I think there is a spectrum of opinion here and some are taking offense when their blogs/posts have nothing wrong with them. I can't speak for everyone, but in my responses to this topic, I believe I've made it clear that I like blogs, FB, and other forms of social media. My only concern is for those children of parents who seem to have no filter. They see nothing wrong with ranting about their children, mocking them, venting publicly about their latest mistakes, etc. How much personal data or pictures someone puts on their blog is their choice, and I have no opinion about that as long as what they're displaying isn't solely for the purpose of making another person laugh at the expense of their child's feelings or raging about a mistake that their child made. That is where I draw the line. Saying you had a hard day and had to clean sharpie off the wall is entirely different than posting a picture of your pouting child in front of said wall holding a sign of shame. That is the type of thing that I am talking about.

[PachiSusan]

I think there is a spectrum of opinion here and some are taking offense when their blogs/posts have nothing wrong with them. I can't speak for everyone, but in my responses to this topic, I believe I've made it clear that I like blogs, FB, and other forms of social media. My only concern is for those children of parents who seem to have no filter. They see nothing wrong with ranting about their children, mocking them, venting publicly about their latest mistakes, etc. How much personal data or pictures someone puts on their blog is their choice, and I have no opinion about that as long as what they're displaying isn't solely for the purpose of making another person laugh at the expense of their child's feelings or raging about a mistake that their child made. That is where I draw the line. Saying you had a hard day and had to clean sharpie off the wall is entirely different than posting a picture of your pouting child in front of said wall holding a sign of shame. That is the type of thing that I am talking about.

 

 

Fair enough. I agree totally with this. I don't post anything negative to shame or demean or rage on my daughter. Ever.

 

It DID seem to me like a few were saying there is no way to have a blog and protect your child's feelings and privacy. Perhaps I read into that and if I did, I'm sorry. It seemed I wasnt' the only one who took it that way.

[twoxcell]

I think there is a spectrum of opinion here and some are taking offense when their blogs/posts have nothing wrong with them. I can't speak for everyone, but in my responses to this topic, I believe I've made it clear that I like blogs, FB, and other forms of social media. My only concern is for those children of parents who seem to have no filter. They see nothing wrong with ranting about their children, mocking them, venting publicly about their latest mistakes, etc. How much personal data or pictures someone puts on their blog is their choice, and I have no opinion about that as long as what they're displaying isn't solely for the purpose of making another person laugh at the expense of their child's feelings or raging about a mistake that their child made. That is where I draw the line. Saying you had a hard day and had to clean sharpie off the wall is entirely different than posting a picture of your pouting child in front of said wall holding a sign of shame. That is the type of thing that I am talking about.

I agree with this as well. I try my best not to embarrass my family in public and I ask them to do the same for me.;)

[msjones]

OP here.

 

I didn't mean to say that any and every type of blog referring to your children is somehow wrong. Not at all. There are certainly some lovely blogs about family life.

 

My concern is about parents broadcasting a child's mistake or shortcoming or horrible mood or really irritating behavior. I think that's what my original post said. I don't think that's fair to the child.

 

Just restating.

[fourcatmom]

I understand what is being said. My being thoughtful or sad has really only to do with me and how I am feeling about the conversation. I didn't mean to imply that someone made me sad. I am really thinking about this and wondering if I am making the right decision, for us, for my kids? I don't know right now but it is something I am going to be aware of from here on out. If nothing else, I am going to make some changes to things and I will be more aware of my choices.

 

Again, I am thankful that this came up and I have had a chance to re-evaluate my decisions, even if it wasn't directed at me. :grouphug:

 

Incidentally, the folks with blogs who are responding are some of the one's that are thoughtful in what they post and share, which is why they are also being thoughtful on the thread. The blogs that probably need to change, aren't participating in this discussion.