How can I help my kid stop sucking her thumb?

[El...]

Any ideas that have worked for you? She is 5.5 yo, and sucks her thumb when tired, bored, engrossed in TV, or upset. I tried painting her thumbnail with the over-the-counter spicy nail polish, and she just sucked it off. She is theoretically willing to stop, and I frequently have her wear a bandaid to remind her not to suck that thumb, but later I'll find that she took the bandaid off when her resolve weakened. I find myself telling her "No thumb" all the time. Please help me out!

[Joanne]

You probably won't like this answer.

 

But here it is: don't.

 

You get more of what you focus on. She sucks her thumb for comfort, habit, and possibly anxiety. If you focus on "helping" her stop, you increase her anxiety.

 

You *could* try increasing other coping skills, but if it is a passive/aggressive attempt to get her to stop sucking her thumb, it will be counter productive.

 

Your best bet is to work on getting over YOUR reaction and to let it go. It's her thumb, her body. I eventually stopped when a babysitter I had a "girl crush" on came over to babysit and I didn't want her to know I still sucked my thumb. I literally stopped, cold turkey. But my family had been trying to "help" or "support" me for years.

 

Yes, I know all about the teeth, etc. It won't matter, though, because all imposed parental or adult "helps" for thumb suckers tend to backfire.

 

Instead, work on things that really matter such as kindness, positive orientation, how to do laundry and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Erica in OR]

Totally agree with Joanne. DD (now 11) sucked hers for the longest time. We tried different things for awhile, but in the end, she was the one who had to decide to stop. Eventually she did. Now we have one year old twins—one sucks her thumb. This time around I'll be a lot more laid-back about it.

 

Erica in OR

[Dory]

I sucked my fingers till I was in grade 1. It was soothing and something I did automatically when stressed because I lacked the skills to handle my stress, even the minor little stresses like schoolwork. The more my mom pushed the more I automatically did it, not to spite her, but because I was constantly thinking about it and stressed about it. I had a friend see me do it though and it embarrassed me and I stopped.

I agree with Joanne. Leave it and focus on other areas.

[SKL]

They generally stop on their own as they get more interested socially in other kids. I know many kids who stopped sucking around 6-ish.

 

My dd6 sucks her tongue at certain times. Usually not around people who would care. However, I have lately been telling her that sucking on her half-protruding tongue (in front of people) does not make her appear highly intelligent. ;) She laughs and stops. Obviously there isn't much else I can do about tongue-sucking.

[milovany]

I worked with our then 6yo son to get him to stop, and it worked. He only sucked if he was holding his blanket. He'd done this pretty much since birth. We talked and loved and cuddled (and he could suck) at bedtime, then he'd go to bed without his blanket. At first we'd put it in with him after he was asleep so he could have it when he woke up. Then we said he could have it after he got up (it'd be waiting on the couch), then he could suck for that little while before bed, but not in the morning. We tried not to make it a "bad" thing, just a limited time thing, and the amount of time lessened over the weeks. He just turned seven and hasn't sucked for months. He can sleep with his blanket without sucking now.

[bettyandbob]

I tried to get my dd to stop. we tried something called thumb guard among other things. We tried other things too for a couple of years. She stopped on her own around age 6 or 7.

 

 

[DoppeltGemoppelt]

I sucked my thumb until I was almost 11! It was an addiction, literally. I really wanted to stop but couldn't. The only thing that made me stop were the braces that I got then, because they hurt my thumb every time I tried to suck on it.

Years later my nephew was also a thumb sucker. My sister eventually told him at age 3, that Santa Claus will not bring big boy toys, unless he stops. She only reminded him gently every time she saw him do it, and it worked. So I decided to also try this with my twin boys. I gently removed their fingers from their mouths every time they went to bed and during the night (when I went to sleep). Sure enough, they stopped on their own!!!

This might have worked better because they were a little younger though (3.5).

You might want to read some advice from Charlotte Mason about creating good habits in your children, because that is what finger sucking is at this age, a habit.

[Tess in the Burbs]

I like what Joanne said.

 

My DS sucked until hd literally changed the formation of his jaw. He never smiled b/c it was horrendous. We tried everything and I wish I could change those moments of pestering him. He has bed wetting issues still and I am more relaxed about it in hopes I don't completely ruin him.

 

Thumb guard was a joke. The nail stuff in stores too.

 

What stopped it was a nail thing called Mavala. He dentist sold it, and he cried for 2 days but he stopped so we could start orthodontics. I wish we had this first. It is a nail polish product but good stuff.

 

My dd stopped with the promise of a trip to Great Wolf Lodge ;-)

 

Please don't stress your kid out like we did. The thumb sucking and bed wetting are huge regrets for me as a mom in how I handled it. Not my finest moments.

 

We spent thousands to fix DS jaw and may have to do more later. But he smiles now!!! Just not when he has to do sheets from wetting the bed ;-|

[FeFe]

I think for my son it was like potty training - he would do it when he was ready and able. We tried the nail paint, band-aids and nagging. He finally got to where he would mostly suck them (he sucked two fingers) at night only. But we just couldn't get him to break it completely.

 

Finally, one day he was laying next to me sucking his fingers and watching TV. He said that he wanted $76 for a longboard. I causally told him that if he stopped sucking his fingers for 4 weeks that I would give it to him. I swear to you, he has never put them in his mouth again. I would sneak up on him, check him when he was asleep - he completely stopped. I didn't really think he would do it. Best $76 I have ever spent! And he loves the longboard! :)

 

BTW, he was 8 years old. This was in September 2012.

[Laurie4b]

For my thumb-sucker, I had bought a coveted toy at a yard sale. I told him if he went 3 days without sucking his thumb he could have it. He did. No problem, no angst, etc. He might have been the age of your dd but I think he was a little younger. I don't remember to what extent we had talked about it before (he is 20 now--it was a long time ago!) but I think we had a little bit. It wasn't a lot of pressure .

[hillfarm]

My dd quit when she was 4. We had tried most of the talking/nagging/promises, to no avail. That fall I picked up one of the little coloring books given out by the child health department at the local county fair. It was about germs. We started 4yo Kindergarten (another thread in this!) and I gave her the coloring book as part of science. We went through it together and she asked me if there were germs on her thumb. I calmly told her that, yes, there were. She looked at her thumb closely and said, "Well, I don't think I should suck it any more." And that was that.

 

I think you have to wait until they are ready and then find or in my case, happen upon, something that really resonates with them. As others have mentioned, similar to potty training. My dd was big on personal independence, so I had to provide her with the information to make the right choice. Another child might be more acquisitive, so offering a reward might be the answer. Yet another might covet private time with Mommy, so perhaps a small outing alone with Mom for every thumb-free week might work. It's going to depend on the kid and whatever motivates them at this particular time.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Okay, here are the three ways I know:

 

1) I was a thumb sucker. A LONG TERM one. Seriously, there was nothing that worked or would have worked. It was my comfort. None of the tricks worked or could have worked. I needed it. It is possible that substituting other coping skills would have worked sooner, but...but in my situation, I needed it plain and simple.

 

2) My daughter was a thumb sucker. We decided not to worry about it at first because of all the changes in her life. She had therapy (not regarding thumbsucking of course) and we taught her some self-discipline stuff and and and. I was empathetic since I was a thumb sucker. However, in time, I decided it was something that should not be done in public. Her teacher had asked her to stop at school also (just gentle reminders). So I sent her to her room each time. It wasn't punishment; but simply, "you may do that in private." Finally, one day, a few months later, I realized I hadn't said anything in a long time to her about it. I asked her teacher and she had just come to that realization also! It was over :)

 

3) Like most more active discipline (not just teaching) with my kids, I realized later that it simply wasn't necessary. Life would have gotten in the way of her sucking her thumb. She would have had the self-soothing skills she's gained in the last 22months. She would have had some peer pressure to do it privately by now. She would have stopped in her own good timing.

[Twinmom]

I agree with most others...eventually, it will stop by itself due to maturity or social pressures. Relax and enjoy your kiddo!

 

That said, I have one with a major anxiety disorder and for whom it did not stop, even into her adolescence. She changed the shape of her bite, big time. Prior to braces, the orthodontist put an inexpensive, semipermanent thingie in her mouth (great description, I know...I haven't had coffee!) that basically fanned out over her upper palate and made it impossible to suck. Within just a few weeks, the habit was totally broken. I think he left it in there for around six months to be sure, but it worked like a charm and her bite went back to normal before braces (which she would have needed anyway!). She just got out of her full braces and she looks great!

[Sarah Bailey]

Very interesting reading this thread. I have an 8 and a 6 1/2 year old who both still suck their thumbs and show no signs of stopping. They won't do it in public, so their friends don't know they do it so it's only at home but still. I sucked mine till like 5th grade and ended up with an orthodontic appliance that everytime I put my thumb in my mouth it would poke me, I found a way around it but eventually I did stop.

[higginszoo]

My brother and older dd were thumb suckers. I learned from my mom just to leave it until they were ready. Both were about 8 when they just decided, and that was that. In both cases, they were the only sibling (out of 3-4) to suck their thumb, and the sibling who needed the least orthodontic intervention.

[Remudamom]

My grand baby sucks her thumb. Granted, she's only 8 months, but mom isn't worried and she worked for a dentist before baby. So I'm good with it.

[Kim in Appalachia]

You probably won't like this answer.

 

But here it is: don't.

 

You get more of what you focus on. She sucks her thumb for comfort, habit, and possibly anxiety. If you focus on "helping" her stop, you increase her anxiety.

 

You *could* try increasing other coping skills, but if it is a passive/aggressive attempt to get her to stop sucking her thumb, it will be counter productive.

 

Your best bet is to work on getting over YOUR reaction and to let it go. It's her thumb, her body. I eventually stopped when a babysitter I had a "girl crush" on came over to babysit and I didn't want her to know I still sucked my thumb. I literally stopped, cold turkey. But my family had been trying to "help" or "support" me for years.

 

Yes, I know all about the teeth, etc. It won't matter, though, because all imposed parental or adult "helps" for thumb suckers tend to backfire.

 

Instead, work on things that really matter such as kindness, positive orientation, how to do laundry and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

 

 

This is good. I want to add a personal story. My dd15 was born sucking her thumb. We tried to get her to stop, but nothing worked. Eventually, we stopped trying. I figured there were worse things. As she got older she wanted to stop. When she was about 8 she tried, but couldn't do it. I told her it was no big deal. A few years after that she just stopped. Everyone has ways of coping, and if she was that oral I would rather have her sucking her thumb then always putting food in her mouth. :) And, as for sucking the thumb messing up their mouth, she is my only child who has not required corrective dental work. :)

 

I'm with Joanne, don't try and stop her. Let it go and don't worry what other people say.

[Alenee]

Agreeing with Joanne. When my babies began sucking their thumbs, I knew I had no control over it and knowing that, I let it go. One of them quit of her own volition at about 10yo...she sucked her thumb at night in bed. The other is slowly weaning herself but does not do it in public at all anymore.

[Flowing Brook]

Honestly, I would not there are bigger battles to fight. There is nothing wrong with her sucking her thumb. It is not hurting her any and eventually she will grow out of it on her own.

[Lucy]

My dd sucked her thumb until age 11. She would do it everywhere because she was unaware that she was even doing it. Good thing we homeschool. ;) We tried everything - thumb guard, nail polish, bandaids, chewy toys, and even went to therapy (she has sensory process issues.) Nothing helped. She got braces for a year - A YEAR - and she never once put her thumb in. I thought it was gone... but the very day the braces came off... thumb was back in. The braces themselves have her the sensory input she craved and as soon as they were gone, she used her thumb again. That is when i realized I was treating this like a habit instead of some kind of sensory need that she was going to have to CHOOSE to overcome. We finally gave up. She would have to do this herself with great maturity. Then I read a post here on the WTM site. It was suggested to find the one thing she wants more than her thumb. For that poster, it was a massive Star Wars toy. For my dd, that was a Kindle Fire. So, for the first few days, we put a 5 dollar bill around her wrist with a scrunchie to remind her that if she made it the whole day, she could put the money in a bucket on her dresser toward the Kindle. Then she stopped wearing it and we just put it on her dresser. In the many, many days it took to earn the money, she only messed up 4 times. She REALLY wanted that Kindle! And we told her, that if we see the thumb after she earned the Kindle, it would be a week of no Kindle until she could show us she had control again. Never happened. Issue gone. I wish I could just hug that OP - because we never thought it would go away and she gave us a true heart incentive to give her instead of just foul tasting stuff to paint on her thumb. If you are reading this Star Wars Thumb Lady: I love you!

[yucabird]

Mine stopped--at 5 and 3.5--when the dentist had a chat with them about it. (She initally spoke to me, but I told her I didn't need to quit!) My older has always listened to reasonable authority figures. My younger has always competed with her sister. ;)

[AK_Mom4]

DD11 was a finger-sucker since she was born. We actually encouraged it when she was a toddler as she was sick often and we all needed her to have extra-good self-soothing routines. When she was about 6yo, she just stopped all on her own and it was fine.

 

She still sleeps with a couple of loveys (oh wait! That's a different thread!)

[WagsWife]

I would not stress too much either. We just sat our daughter down one day and told her that from now on all thumb sucking had to be done in her bedroom. When she would suck her thumb, we would just calmly remind her that if she wanted to suck her thumb she could go play in her room. Of course she did not want to leave what was happening to go to her room. It only took a couple if months.

 

OR she could break her arm! My middle DD jumped of the couch when she was two, and broke her thumb sucking arm. By time her cast came off, the habit was gone. **I do not recommend this option. LOL

[lailasmum]

My 32 year old sister still sucks her thumb. She has always had absolutely perfect teeth. Her thumb is a bit stretched out looking though,

[El...]

Wow, I'm so glad I asked! I think I'm going to lay off it for about six months, and then maybe do the room idea. I don't want it to affect her peace with me! I think she IS doing it as a response to stress, and I don't know what to recommend she do to soothe herself otherwise. I really appreciate the help, ladies.

[hollyh]

A simple bribe made me stop as a child. I think it was as easy as a Happy Meal. ;) It's a habit. Many children just needs to have a goal that is worth enough to make him/her change the current habit.

[Marylou]

My twin girls (12.5 y.o.) still suck at night~just until they fall asleep. They have perfect teeth/jaws. They would hate it if someone outside the family saw them do it.