matrips Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 We just moved to a 'vacation destination', so this is fairly new to us. We do want friends to visit and such, but I also want to make sure we keep those friendships! Spring break is a popular time. A friend of dHs is visiting for Easter week with his family (one child). Another friend called to say they were coming to our area just a couple weeks before that. She has two boys, same age as our kids, but very boisterous/rough and active. We tend to have different house rules. we've been friends since the kids were babies, but the kids themselves aren't exactly best friends, though they do have fun together. One boy is actually pretty okay; I guess I'm mainly concerned about the other who does have some issues. How do I be a good host and yet set up some basic rules so our house (and the kids stuff) isn't destroyed and I get my sleep?! I would like to limit that visit to just a few days. She did talk about going other places in the state. How do you handle friends with children staying with you for a vacation? Meals, bedtimes, tv, etc ? My kids will still have their activities, and I still want to get some school done too. Or is that not reasonable? What should my expectations be? And theirs? My friend did ask me to consider having them and what rules etc; she also said it was okay if I could just suggest a decent motel nearby. I want to get back to her by the end of the week. All together there will be five kids, aged 8. My three plus her two; four boys and one girl. My daughter will need to give up her room since we don't have a guest room together yet (it's the school room). Do I need to buy air mattresses for the kids too? Or just make sure the adults have a bed? We do have carpets and sleeping bags. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I would not plan on getting school done, unless the guest parents plan to take their kids somewhere during that time of day. Even if the guests are not home, your kids will likely be too excited to be able to concentrate much, because they have so much fun to look forward to. I'd be okay with the kids sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags. If I expected frequent guests, I'd spring for air mattresses, if we could afford it and had a place to store them. Your basic house rules should suffice for everyone. If you or your kids are worried about something being destroyed, put that thing away, out of bounds during the visit. This especially goes for favorite toys or stuffed animals. As you probably already know, five heads are better than one for thinking up strange things to do. I did not foresee that my boys and their friends would wonder if Barbie heads can be melted with a light bulb. They can, and it's fun to do it according to my sons, then and now. When the boys were eight, they removed the screen from their second story bedroom window and threw toys out just to see them fall and land, and to hit targeted toys that were already on the ground. Luckily, they did not fall out that window themselves. The usual adage especially applies: If the kids are quiet, it is time to check on them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 My thoughts on what I'd want to knwo if I was going to visit and stay with you: Have an understanding ahead of time about length of stay, if *they* can have guests over (unlikely, but who knows if a friend's teen will want a new vacation-boyfriend to stop by?) and what you will/won't provide in terms of food/meals. Make it clear what rooms they can use and what rooms to stay out of. Are pets OK? make sure they're aware of any odd local ordinances- such as parking rules, beach towels over railings (some places fine you for this!) etc. Also make it clear ahead of time how much time you will have to spend with them. What is your balance between a visit with friends and providing a room for their vacation? Can they drink alcohol or smoke in your house? Can they eat Chinese take-out in the living room? Do you have alight sleeper who needs a full 10 hours of sleep, beginning at 8pm? Sounds like fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Piggybacking on Rebel's thoughts a little bit, if your kids have activities - let your guest know what you & your kids will be doing. If you want to limit it, you could also say something like, "we'd love to have you for ___ days at this time or that time. After that, we really have to get back to school." Because I think RoughCollie is right - your chances of getting any meaningful schoolwork done with your children are pretty slim, unless your guests will be gone all day... Anne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 We are not in a vacation zone. When we have out-of-town houseguests we tend to revolved around them for the few days they're here. If they want to go out on their own...fine. If they want us to take them sightseeing...fine. If they want to eat with us...fine. etc. etc. However, again, we are not in a vacation zone and this does not happen often...not even once a year. Since you are in a vacation zone, I think it would be smart to draw up a plan. If it seems a bit much to your visitor, let them know that because you have houseguests frequently it is necessary. We have used our share of air mattresses and I haven't found that they hold up well enough to warrant the cost and space (even though they roll up they still need to be store somewhere!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 We have several Florida friends. They are very clear about how long they want guests to stay. You need to feel comfortable setting limits and saying no when you want to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Seriously consider the amount of time you want to have guests. A week to host people is a really long time and we would only consider that for people that we really like and know and get along with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 First off you don't have to house and feed everyone who calls and says they are coming to visit. Just because you've moved to a vacation destination does not mean the rules have changed. Guests are invited. When someone calls and says they are coming to your town it is perfectly acceptable to say, "Let us know where you'll be staying. I'll arrange my schedule so we can get together a time or two while you are here." Invited guests are not invited indefinitely. Generally when one issues an invitation for overnight guests one includes an arrival and departure date.when one has house guests one does not generally invite them during times one will be busy, so invite your guests during school breaks or during times you know you can afford to spend a bit of time entertaining them. If you must invite them during inconvenient times make it clear they will be expected to vacate the premises between normal business hours or between 8a and noon or whatever you need. It is nice to provide an entertainment once a day for your guests. This does not mean you spring for every activity nor does it mean you buy tickets to the amusement park. A movie and popcorn at home or a family game night will be plenty. Encourage your guests to go explore on their own. When they arrive make sure you show them where and how the washing machine works. If you can assign them a bathroom make sure they know cleaning supplies are housed under the sink. Put away any valuable (either monetary or sentimental) items to prevent breakage or temptation. Any children need to be informed of any special house rules such as one toy at a time, bussing their plates and cups, bed times and wha they are allowed for snacks. If you are very lucky your guests will be good guests and your life won't be disrupted much by their visit. Because only good guests get invited back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 My Godmother doesn't exactly live in a vacation destination, but the weather is nice in spring and she has lots of friends and "adopted" children. Her house is set up for visitors so that a separate are has 2 bedrooms and a full bath. Even though she wants visitors, you can't just show up or call an dictate dates you will come. When you are there she gives you directions to the artsy area of the big town and to the nice state park beach. So, she eats breakfast with you (grab the cereal, boil your egg yourself, self service). She likes to go out to dinner, but if you want to eat in, you (the guest) are expected to prepare the meal. She doesn't entertain all day long, pay for multiple admissions to local attractions, but she does like to visit with you over breakfast and dinner or after dinner over a few days. I think the first few years after she moved she included a paragraph in her holiday letter explaining she liked visitors with some gentle rules. I usually email in Jan saying when my springbreak is and asking if there were a couple days that week we could visit. She gets back to me after checking with other people. She often has back to back visitors. Oh and when I leave run all the linens/towels through the wash. If I have time I remake the beds for the next visitor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Χά�ων Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I prefer not to have people stay with me. I would probably ask them what hotel they are staying at and if they would like to hang out for an afternoon while they are in town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 If you live in Orlando, can I get your number? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I agree with Parrot. I live in Vegas. Lots of people come here, but few stay with us. We're lucky in that we live far off the strip (about 30 minutes). Most people want in on that action and get a hotel room. However, we have had people stay here. Friends have a 3 day limit. Family is a bit longer. We keep our regular routine, including them in meals, etc. They get a key to the house and a rundown of our schedule so they don't come in late and making lots of noise. We still do school in the morning. We have never had to deal with extra kids though. So, I can't help there. Vegas isn't a "family" destination. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think it is very thoughtful that your friend ASKED you directly what your rules are. Don't squander that offer... :). 3 days and 2 nights would be a good visit. Don't try to do school. Remember part of the joy of homeschooling is flexibility to enjoy times like these. Make meals simple. I would be fine with the kids in sleeping bags. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readwithem Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 We had lots of visitors when we lived in London. We found they all wanted to do the same (expensive) things. We learned to give them a Tube map and wish them a good day :) I think you can decide how much time you'll spend with each guest. If you do live in Orlando as suggested by a pp, I doubt you will want to visit every tourist spot with your guests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 We had lots of visitors when we lived in London. We found they all wanted to do the same (expensive) things. We learned to give them a Tube map and wish them a good day :) DH and I lived in San Francisco before we had kids. It was funny how the people who never came to see us in Ohio were able to make their way out to the coast... LOL. I agree that hosting guests in a vacation destination gets expensive. I would set the expectation with guests and your kids that you will not be accompanying them to all of the tourist destinations or you will go broke. We lived in SF for 3 years, and in that time I took people on the Alcatraz Tour 9 times. Crazy! If I'd had to pay for my kids too it would have been ugly. I should not have done that. I would also make a decision about homeschooling during the visit and do my best to stick to it one way or the other. Good luck and have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I guess I'm perplexed by the OP's question. :confused1: I feel that I may be perceived as The Grinch with my reply. If people are coming to visit, they are coming to visit my family -- not to use my home as a no-cost hotel and base for visiting the area instead. That does not preclude their visiting local attractions on their own, if there is something they particularly wish to see and we are unable to accompany them. On the other hand, nobody would be staying with us in the first place unless we had the time available to enjoy their company. An exception would be a close friend who has a job interview in our area, for which the travel expenses were not being paid by the interviewing company. I guess the friends and relatives with whom we are close would consider it poor manners to invite themselves into our home on such a basis. Is this common behaviour? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 It's nice your friend asked about your house rules, but please don't assume that just because you now live in a vacation zone that you must always offer your home up as a place for everyone to stay. Your family and friends also shouldn't make that assumption, but I agree you should definitely have a plan in place for when they do. Who can or can't stay, for how long, what activities you're willing to participate in or reschedule, etc. I personally hate the thought of having houseguests. DH has fibromyalgia, which often translates into very odd sleep schedules (if we're that lucky), and doesn't like people to see him at his worst. With me working full time, DS14 schooling all day, and the other 2 in and out btwn schooling and working odd hours, houseguests wouldn't be convenient. I have no problem though helping someone find a decent hotel nearby and rearranging schedules where I can to make time to visit with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I guess I'm perplexed by the OP's question. :confused1: I feel that I may be perceived as The Grinch with my reply. If people are coming to visit, they are coming to visit my family -- not to use my home as a no-cost hotel and base for visiting the area instead. That does not preclude their visiting local attractions on their own, if there is something they particularly wish to see and we are unable to accompany them. On the other hand, nobody would be staying with us in the first place unless we had the time available to enjoy their company. An exception would be a close friend who has a job interview in our area, for which the travel expenses were not being paid by the interviewing company. I guess the friends and relatives with whom we are close would consider it poor manners to invite themselves into our home on such a basis. Is this common behaviour? I think if you do live in a popular vacation area, people will certainly try to use your house as a vacation base. We have a cousin who lives not far from Disneyland and she has let the family know that whenever we want to go to DL, we are welcome to stay with her. I stayed with her last year when dd and I went to DL, and dh and the boys have stayed there a couple of times on their way to and from Las Vegas. I think people with those kinds of houses need to decide early whether they want to entertain guests frequently or not. My cousin is fortunate because she has a large house and the whole second floor is basically a giant guest room with a separate bath and kitchen, so It's easy to stay and not interfere with her family's activities. A lot of it depends on the way your house is set up. We have cousins who stay with us sometimes as a vacation base, but we're more limited on space, and so activities have to be planned out, etc. You're not Grinchy, O6, no one wants to be treated just as a hotel - we always make sure when we visit that we are considerate guests and I always send a thank you note and usually a gift card to my cousin when we've used her house (plus she knows she's always welcome to stay here when she visits). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I guess I'm perplexed by the OP's question. :confused1: I feel that I may be perceived as The Grinch with my reply. If people are coming to visit, they are coming to visit my family -- not to use my home as a no-cost hotel and base for visiting the area instead. That does not preclude their visiting local attractions on their own, if there is something they particularly wish to see and we are unable to accompany them. On the other hand, nobody would be staying with us in the first place unless we had the time available to enjoy their company. An exception would be a close friend who has a job interview in our area, for which the travel expenses were not being paid by the interviewing company. I guess the friends and relatives with whom we are close would consider it poor manners to invite themselves into our home on such a basis. Is this common behaviour? Not a grinch at all, just different strokes for different folks! I live in a vacation area. It is a great place, but many of our friends don't live here, because, well, jobs aren't exactly abundant here. We built our second home on the same island configured to better handle the guests. We love having people come and visit, but frankly, if we have to babysit them 24 x 7, they aren't a good fit for enjoying the area and making the visit painless for us. We regularly have a house-full, and yeah, there are rules, like -- last one in, lock the door, first one up start the coffee...things like that. We generally have a meeting (sometimes formal, sometimes not) to figure out what everyone wants to do, and plan around any big event that people are here for, such as a road race. We talk about temperatures -- don't be afraid to ask for the air conditioning if things get too hot/noisy in the summer, let me know if your room isn't warm enough in the winter. We try to schedule meals to accomodate everyone who will be home. We schedule training runs, designate who's going to wake up everybody, and who doesn't want to be disturbed. :001_cool: Our friends/family are good guests: bringing food and wine, offering to walk the dog, taking us to dinner, etc. Most are repeat visitors, so at this point everything runs fairly seamlessly. I think in the end, do what is comfortable for you. You don't have to be the Holiday Inn. But if you want to be...why not? Duh, forgot to add: we have very expensive electronics open in our home. Always have. We have never had a problem with children guests. House rule: Don't touch the electronics until we teach you how to use them. We do teach them how it all works. And then, it's the kids' job the entire time to remember and activate all the features. For littles who couldn't handle a remote, we'd teach them the power buttons to push directly on the equipment. So if we wanted to watch a DVD at night, we'd call the kids in to turn on the electronics for us. Nothing cuter than three little heads puzzling over which button on the remote turned on the system and set it to DVD and having the 2 year old guest go over and manually turn on each piece of equipment while the others were still conferring over the almighty remote. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.