I miss my teenager!

[Susan Wise Bauer]

My oldest son (17 in August) took a last-minute six-week camp counseling job, right after coming back from a two-week mission trip in Nicaragua. He's now been gone for a month...and I'm having serious Christopher-withdrawal. I MISS MY KID. Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised...I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad. And it's only for two months, for crying out loud.

 

Any advice from those of you who've already been through this with your oldest children?

 

SWB

[sdWTMer]

Oh, I can only imagine. I'm not a clingy mother by any means, but I know that when my kiddos do leave it will be so tough!

[Jen500]

When I was 18 I spent 1/2 year in England working. After a few months my parents came over for a week or so to visit and sightsee. It was nice for all of us. Maybe a visit to Australia to see the sights when he's there? Or the occasional video chat?

[Mom2legomaniacs]

This made my stomach jump up a bit. I cannot imagine that day. I am certain I will be crying and missing them like mad. :grouphug: Susan. He seems like a pretty great guy, from your descriptions of him on your blog. It's no wonder you will miss him a great deal.

[Sandy in Indy]

Australia??? Hmmm...that's a verrrrry long way away! It is so hard to let them go, not matter what we tell ourselves. (At least, that's my experience.) I confess; I'm happiest when all my chicks are in the nest!

 

Did I mention that they're 20, 17 and 7????

[hypermusicmom]

The longest my teenagers have been away is 10 days. I do have one going to college this fall, I am looking forward to him being out on his own - and fear he will struggle. I sympathize with your emptiness, but look at the wonderful opportunity he has to spread his wings and fly. You can feel very proud!

[Foofy Coffee Lover]

Oh I can SO relate! My 15yo has a real heart for China. Last year he had the opportunity to go on an 18-day mission trip to China This year? He left June 10th and gets back August 12th. It has been a total God-thing all the way through, and he has had some amazing opportunities and experiences, but I MISS HIM! I'm not a the clingy mother either, but I just really enjoy my kids, and miss them terribly when they are gone. I, too, have grappled with thoughts of how I am going to handle it when he's out of the house for good. He really wants to spend his entire junior year as a foreign exchange student in China. Sigh... I told him we'd think about that after we get through this! It's been a strange summer with him gone, and my mother passing away a little over a week ago. I'm definitely being s-t-r-e-t-c-h-ed :tongue_smilie:

[DB in NJ]

My oldest son (17 in August) took a last-minute six-week camp counseling job, right after coming back from a two-week mission trip in Nicaragua. He's now been gone for a month...and I'm having serious Christopher-withdrawal. I MISS MY KID. Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised...I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad. And it's only for two months, for crying out loud.

 

Any advice from those of you who've already been through this with your oldest children?

 

SWB

 

I have no advice, as my oldest is 17 and just got back from his 3rd missions trip. He's only been away from me for one or two weeks at a time; he's home just in time - before I start feeling really sad about him being away.

 

But, I just have to say, as a die-hard LOST fan, the idea of sending my kid away to Australia is just, just.....*gulp* Just don't ever let him fly out of Sydney! :lol:

[LoriM]

A dear friend of mine sent her dd to Hungary for her senior year. She's just returned, and now is quickly getting her belongings together for her college dorm room. It was very hard, and they used Skype and lots of telephone calls to pass the time.

 

My dd is 19yo, and has taken a very-busy-making summer job. She still lives here, but I never see her anymore. :c) She's working from early morning at one job (babysitting) until late at night in another job (at the movie theater). I miss her too. I am actually looking forward to her *normal* busy pace of university life, when she'll be here up late working on art projects all over the living room.

 

My DH and younger dd (15) are going off on an adventure in September/October, and will be gone for most of two months traveling the globe. They are starting at Guam, but then hope to get to Australia, NZ, Korea, Japan and anywhere else their passport and a military hop will get them. GRIN. She starts at the CC in January, so this is her "senior trip" and DH's post-retirement world tour.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

My oldest son (17 in August) took a last-minute six-week camp counseling job, right after coming back from a two-week mission trip in Nicaragua. He's now been gone for a month...and I'm having serious Christopher-withdrawal. I MISS MY KID. Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised...I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad. And it's only for two months, for crying out loud.

 

Any advice from those of you who've already been through this with your oldest children?

 

SWB

 

You just cry and grieve and move through it. That's really all you can do.

[Quiver0f10]

When my 18 yo was a junior we sent him to a boarding school that was @ 7 minutes from our home and I cried for 3 weeks LOL. I completley understand and time does make it easier :grouphug:

[Kathleen in VA]

Well, I can't say I've btdt, but I do feel the whole thing breathing down my neck. The longest any of my children has been away is about 3-4 weeks. I could handle it because I knew they were in good hands and having a wonderful time - a trip of a lifetime actually. But that is nothing like a year and in Australia - the other side of the world.

 

Now that I have one considering the Army and old enough to get married it's a bit of a different feeling.

 

I think it is a good sign that you miss your son so much - it means you've raised a great person that you enjoy being around :).

 

The only thing I do that helps me prepare for the impending empty nest is to remember that the whole point of parenting is to get them ready to live fulfilling, responsible lives without me. If they couldn't do that by the time they reached adulthood I would consider myself a failure. I'm sure that will not take the pain of separation away, but it could help soften the blow.

 

I'm sure thankful that we have email and webcams and all this technological stuff that will make the transition much easier than it has ever been before.

 

That reminds me of a scene in Dances With Wolves (not that I recommend the movie) where Kevin Costner's character passes by a skeleton lying on the prairie and says, "Somebody back home's wondering why he don't write." (paraphrased, to be sure). We don't have that kind of uncertainty anyway;).

 

Change is always difficult - even good change.:grouphug:

[Kari C in SC]

I don't have any advice, but I am right there with you. My 19 year old ds will be leaving for boot camp in Oklahoma on August 4th. He is in Florida visiting friends for a week and then he will be home in SC for a week before he leaves. I have been having a really hard time getting it through to my brain that he is moving out in two weeks. I am going to be a wreck when August 4th rolls around. My 9 year old dd was a mess just letting him go visit Florida. My poor dh is going to be dealing with two emotional nutcases for the next few months. He is having a tough time believing he is leaving too. Anyway, hang in there. I sure hope it gets easier.

[Tammyla]

No advice, just hugs.:grouphug: I remember my mom crying like a baby when I left home, and I'm sure I'll be the same. It must mean you raised a great kid to miss them so much.:grouphug:

[Ria]

Susan,

 

My boys go to a six-week wilderness canoe camp in the remote north woods of Canada. It's so remote that we can't even contact the kids on the longer trips (they carry a satellite phone in case of emergency). This summer my four youngest boys are there (11, 12, 14, and 16). I miss them! In addition, on Friday my dd (19) flew to London for a 3-week course at Oxford. The only child I have at home right now is dd's twin brother.

 

It's hard. I'm not clingy, either, but you sure can feel a difference when a child is gone a while. In my case, we've gone from a loud, active home to a silent, still one. Yikes.

 

Hang in there.

 

Ria

[Doran]

My oldest son (17 in August) took a last-minute six-week camp counseling job, right after coming back from a two-week mission trip in Nicaragua. He's now been gone for a month...and I'm having serious Christopher-withdrawal. I MISS MY KID. Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised...I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad. And it's only for two months, for crying out loud.

 

Any advice from those of you who've already been through this with your oldest children?

 

SWB

 

 

...who I'll get to THINK for me, in my estrogen dominant state, when my kids are gone away! :lol:

 

My sense - which awaits a true test in a few more years - is that the balance of excitement and regret tip back toward something happier as you become more accustomed to them being gone and as you hear about how well they are doing in whatever place they are. But, I'm quite sure that you don't ever stop missing them.

 

Thanks for keeping it real, Susan.

[Colleen]

That reminds me of a scene in Dances With Wolves...

 

Please. Please don't do that to me. I'm sitting here nodding along, as usual, with the wisdom offered in your post, enjoying your "voice", and then...BAM! I'm drawn up short by memories of...that movie. Such beautiful cinematography. If only it hadn't been marred by the presence and voice of Kevin Costner...:tongue_smilie:

 

Sorry. Carry on.;)

[Colleen]

My 15yo has a real heart for China...He left June 10th and gets back August 12th.

 

Yikes! That's a mere couple of years older than my oldest. I don't think I'd go in for two months away just yet.

 

It's been a strange summer with him gone, and my mother passing away a little over a week ago.

 

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that about your mother. Peace be with you.

[Remudamom]

No help here, I've just recently been able to restrain myself from bawling like a baby when our oldest flies back to college.

[LoriM]

Yes, the THINKING is an awful loss. I also miss the shared household chores. I said, "I am going to be so sad when the girls are gone, because I'll be all by myself (thinking of the cleaning and laundry and pet care that we all share)..."

 

DH said, "What the heck am I, chopped liver???"

 

GRIN. But it's not the same. He has "his" chores, and I have MY chores, and the girls help me with mine. Sigh. Not to mention their usefulness as virtual list keepers and calendar reminders...

[Kathleen in VA]

 

Please. Please don't do that to me. I'm sitting here nodding along, as usual, with the wisdom offered in your post, enjoying your "voice", and then...BAM! I'm drawn up short by memories of...that movie. Such beautiful cinematography. If only it hadn't been marred by the presence and voice of Kevin Costner...:tongue_smilie:

 

Sorry. Carry on.;)

 

I'm so very sorry, Colleen. Try to just put it out of your mind:). I debated whether to include that little anecdote, but it is a family joke around here - I just couldn't let it lie. Whenever we see roadkill someone mentions that line. It sounds heartless, but that is one of our ways of coping with sadness - make a joke.;)

[Colleen]

No advice from my corner, of course, since I'm behind you in the journey. Just wanted to chime in and say it speaks well of your relationship with Christopher that you do miss him.:)

 

Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

So that'll be next year, or in two years? That's good that he's going to do a gap year. I'm not big on the notion of young people heading to college straight out of high school.

 

I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad.

 

Oh, I'll be the same way, no doubt, and I'm not the clingy mother type, either. I can just imagine it: "Sure, I said I want to be alone, but...not for that long, and not with you guys scattered across the world enjoying yourselves!" LOL

 

I think back now to how nonchalantly I went off to college on my own and it seems so strange. My parents had never visited the school (Tulane). They took me to the airport and off I went, 2500 miles away. That wouldn't go over well with the mother in me now. I want to at least have that visual, kwim?

[Colleen]

I'm so very sorry, Colleen. Try to just put it out of your mind:).

 

As if! I'm stuck now with the monotonous voice over of "John Jay Dunbar" echoing in my head!:glare:

 

:D

[momofkhm]

She's 13 and was only gone for a week. I really missed her. So much so that I may not let her go back next year! No advice, just hugs.

 

I do think part of it is not hearing from them. At camp there are no phones, no email, nothing until I got a letter.

[Testimony]

I have a friend whose daughter did a missions trip to China. She ended up graduating from homeschooling and going there for a missions trip for a few years. They have had their ups and downs in that situation. She is still over there. Imagine a single girl in China with a missionary team for a few years. They have a lot of prayer sessions together as a couple.

 

Blessing to you.

 

Sincerely,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[Amy in Orlando]

No wisdom for you here. But, I'm a giver, and I'd be more than happy to send you your pick of my teen boys to fill the void in your house right now. :lol:

[WTMindy]

I have no advice, but once you figure it out, do you think you could please write a book about it so I can use it when I get there?!?!?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

I can't even imagine yet!! And I don't want to. But, what a wonderful gift to miss your teen!!

[WTMindy]

When I (the oldest) went off to college my mom started taking lots of naps. That was her way, she said, of dealing with the loss. Of course, you can NOT do that because you have books to write for me to buy!! So, I guess my answer to you is to throw yourself into your work!!!! (I'm so self-serving!!)

[threetreasurs]

Well it does get better over time and I try to pretend that I will get over missing my kids; but I haven't yet. Oldest will be a sophomore in college but far enough away that we don't see him much during the semester. I have found that one advantage to a Jesuit college is Easter Break in addition to spring break!

 

It is a bit easier with the girls because they will talk more on the phone than my son. I am getting much faster at text messaging because he always responds to those.:)

[Aubrey]

Tag along & secretly stalk him? Oh, no, a 17yo wouldn't really like that, would he? ;)

 

But, hey--good job! I think missing your kid is a sure sign of parenting success. Not a great job description, huh?

 

:grouphug: Hope you get to squeeze him soon.

[Rosie_0801]

Australia??? Hmmm...that's a verrrrry long way away!

 

"Well, it's not sooooo far" says one of the resident Aussies. ;) If it helps, we're very nice to tourists. Just remind him to be a bit more specific than "America" when someone asks where he's from. We'll know that the moment he opens his mouth. Make sure he gets an international drivers licence if possible. Road tripping is the best way to see the country. He wouldn't be able to hire a car, but he could buy a cheap one, if he has the cash. If he wants to see Victoria, my brother will drive him around. He spends all his spare time driving around the southern states and is happy to have company. It gives him an excuse to drive around some more.

:)

Rosie

[Mom2GirlsTX]

No, I don't have any advice but I can really empathize. Nothing prepares you for when your children start to sprout their wings and fly, just hug them as much as you can. :grouphug:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

You could totally borrow my Christopher. He's driving me a little crazy today.:glare:

 

Other than that, I have nothing but :grouphug: for you. It's going to be tough when my dc get to that part of life. I'll miss them a lot.

[readwithem]

No wisdom for you here. But, I'm a giver, and I'd be more than happy to send you your pick of my teen boys to fill the void in your house right now. :lol:

 

:lol:

[readwithem]

My oldest son (17 in August) took a last-minute six-week camp counseling job, right after coming back from a two-week mission trip in Nicaragua. He's now been gone for a month...and I'm having serious Christopher-withdrawal. I MISS MY KID. Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised...I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad. And it's only for two months, for crying out loud.

 

Any advice from those of you who've already been through this with your oldest children?

 

SWB

 

I hadn't thought twice about this till last year several moms on this board who I highly respect discussed how sad they were that their children were now (away) in college. I think as homeschoolers it's very difficult to go from being with our children pretty much 24/7 to having them just be, well, gone.

 

Agreeing with others that you must have raised him right to be missing him and your therapy will be to throw yourself into your work. Maybe not more books but how about more talks? :):)

:grouphug:

 

And be glad for modern technology. You might hear from him every now and then...

[Confuzzled]

My 19-year-old son is in Kosovo and Skype is a lifesaver for us. Not only can you talk on Skype for free, it also includes video if you have a web-cam. And it has an instant message function which we use to touch bases almost every day.

 

Another way we stay connected is through his Facebook page. He posts photos there on a regular basis. I registered with Facebook just so I could stay connected to my sons. I have a total of four friends! (All with the same last name! :001_smile:)

 

And it really does get better with the passage of time.

 

Kris

[summer]

He is gone a lot, it sounds like a hard year. You are not clingy, it sounds very normal. I have not been through this though so I cannot give good advice. I dread the days. Maybe get him a cell phone and call him all the time (I know, time difference and he will be busy somewhat). ((((hugs))))

[Sugarfoot]

I'm with my kids all of time, and yet I wouldn't want to be without them for more than a few days:D.

 

I wish I had some sage advice, but if it were my oldest, I'd be in "Christopher withdrawal," too!

[Brindee]

My oldest is going to a wonderful, Christian Boarding School. Totally worked out by God! Anyway, it's a 5-6 (depending on traffic) hour drive there and back. He has home leave once a month for 4-5 days, so that helps a lot! Our family has adjusted well, and he loves it there. he tells us, "I love being home with my family when I'm home, and I love being at school when I'm there!" He did all the extra credits and worked hard this past year (He was a Highschool Junior), and ended up with a 4.19 GPA! :D

 

We went on a family mission trip in 2005 to Fiji. He LOVED it there! After he graduates from this Academy, he wants to go back to that same mission in Fiji to be a "Student Missionary" for a year (his gap year). We saw the guy that works there recently and talked to him about it. He said that as long as he's 18 he can go and that they'd certainly be able to use him! That would be REALLY hard on me, cuz we wouldn't see him for a whole year! Then he wants to go to Germany for a year of college. And maybe Russia or Spain too. He's very good at picking up languages so wants to start working on those languages and be an interpretor. There are kids from Russia and kids from South America in his school, so he has picked up a lot already!

 

My ds14 is on a Mission Trip to Chile for two weeks right now! He's been gone for 6 days now, and I've missed him a lot! He's not ever been as "mature" as his big brother. So to let him go on this trip was a big and hard step. but again, it was a total God-thing and we felt we couldn't do anything else but let him go. I think it will help him grow some! But I almost cry when I think about him and know he's not here right now, and that I still have a little over a week until he gets home! Then 3 weeks after he gets back, the oldest will be heading back to school!

 

They just grow up too fast! That's what it is! Our Mommy hearts haven't been able to adjust as quickly as they have grown! They'll always be our babies, even when they are grown, and there will always be that place in our hearts for them, even when they have their own families!

 

So you can feel sad because you're the mom and miss your child, but you can also feel proud of how far he's come and the positive direction he is going!

 

Oh yeah, and as for what else you should do---I'd have to agree with Mindy's advice! :lol:

 

Blessings to you!

[Colleen in NS]

My oldest son (17 in August) took a last-minute six-week camp counseling job, right after coming back from a two-week mission trip in Nicaragua. He's now been gone for a month...and I'm having serious Christopher-withdrawal. I MISS MY KID. Now I'm thinking: how am I going to cope when he goes off to Australia for his gap year? (the current plan...)

 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised...I've never been a clingy mother, and I always thought I would be 90% excited for the kid, having new adventures, and 10% regretful. This is more like....40% excited and 60% sad. And it's only for two months, for crying out loud.

 

Any advice from those of you who've already been through this with your oldest children?

 

SWB

 

No experienced advice here, but a big hug. I dread the day that happens here. My kids went away last summer for three nights, and I was sooooo sad.

 

How can you cope when he's gone? Well, you can come here and get virtual hugs - you're sure to get lots of them here. But I know it's not the same. Go have a good cry with your closest friends?

 

I have a friend in Adelaide, Australia, who helps lead a Youth With A Mission base there. He moved to Australia years ago from Pittsburgh - he's been involved in missions since we first met in 1986, has a family there, is very personable, and likes working with "young people" (how did we advance from being part of "young people??") etc.. Anyway, if Christopher is looking for contacts for places to stay or volunteer or whatever, I can put him in touch (hey, the guy's name is Chris, too, I just realized) if you like. Let me know.

 

I'd put the group hug icon here, but my computer is messed up.

 

Colleen

[Susan Wise Bauer]

I think back now to how nonchalantly I went off to college on my own and it seems so strange. My parents had never visited the school (Tulane). They took me to the airport and off I went, 2500 miles away. That wouldn't go over well with the mother in me now. I want to at least have that visual, kwim?

:iagree:

 

I cannot BELIEVE how easy it was for me to leave.

 

Now that I'm an adult, my mother tells me that dropping me at the bus station to go back to school was horrendously difficult. And, of course, it never occurred to me.

 

No one warned me about this. :confused:

 

SWB

[kls126s]

Well, as a mom of (high-maintenance) youngers, a month with someone gone sounds just a tad bit nice. :glare: I'm definitely not a clingy mother either, but I do hope that I will actually miss them when they're gone - that seems like a sure sign that the relationship is strong.

[Peela]

Well, I definitely think a lecture tour in Australia is called for!

[Marie in Oh]

how he got so old??? I mean, I remember hearing you at CHEA in 1999 and he was 9 or something. I guess time flies. You must have done a great job raising him if you still want him around. :grouphug:

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

No advice on how to deal w/ it, but I give you my empathy. My 14 yo twins have been gone for 2 weeks and even our little children miss them. Even their younger brother who fights like cats and dogs w/ them. LOL. I had to apply unpleasant stimulus discipline to my 2 yo the other day. Afterward, he could only cry out the name of one of his bigger, absent brothers. It was quite a scene. I must admit, I almost miss their daily morning sports updates (wan grin....polo, baseball, bowling, tiddly-winks..anything that resembles competition...yawn). Blessings, Susan!