Teens, sleepovers, and bedtimes

[fairfarmhand]

My 14 yo had a sleepover this week. I seldom do these, so I was wondering about the protocol for them. At 10:30-11 ish, I told them to take it to the bedroom, since they were in our family room (the only place with a TV where I like to unwind sans kids at the end of the day) Later at 12:15-12:30 ish, I stuck my head in the bedroom door and told the girls to turn off the light and start winding down.

 

I do this because for my 14 yo, she will stay up till 4am, and then spend 3 days cranky and recovering from a single overnight. We have farm animals and keep an early schedule so sleeping all day is NOT an option at all.

 

So how do you typically handle sleepover bedtime etiquette?

[Joanne]

I don't force a bedtime. If my life were such that 3 days were impacted by a "sleep"over, I would probably not have them.

[Trish]

I don't force a bedtime. If my life were such that 3 days were impacted by a "sleep"over, I would probably not have them.

 

:iagree: This is why we quit doing/having sleepovers.

[marbel]

We don't have many sleepovers, but when we do, the kids take over the family room (with the sole tv) so they can watch movies till they fall asleep. I don't make them go to sleep at any particular time.

 

But, our life is very different from yours. We have days when no one has to get up early - no animal chores. If one of my kids loses a night's sleep, he or she just goes to bed earlier the next day.

 

If I had your life, I'd probably not have sleepovers unless the kids understood and accepted the restrictions you need to put in place.

[Joanne]

:iagree: This is why we quit doing/having sleepovers.

 

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

[J-rap]

At that age, midnight was the expected lights out time, with maybe just a little time to whisper after that. Fortunately, my children didn't care for sleepovers much and they loved getting a good night's sleep, so they were always willing to actually go to sleep! Somehow, their friends were too! Otherwise I suppose we wouldn't have had them.

 

I guess in your situation I'd make sure to discuss with your daughter ahead of time so she understood the curfew. Also, there's nothing wrong with a parent poking their head in and reminding them.

[sheryl]

My 14 yo had a sleepover this week. I seldom do these, so I was wondering about the protocol for them. At 10:30-11 ish, I told them to take it to the bedroom, since they were in our family room (the only place with a TV where I like to unwind sans kids at the end of the day) Later at 12:15-12:30 ish, I stuck my head in the bedroom door and told the girls to turn off the light and start winding down.

 

I do this because for my 14 yo, she will stay up till 4am, and then spend 3 days cranky and recovering from a single overnight. We have farm animals and keep an early schedule so sleeping all day is NOT an option at all.

 

So how do you typically handle sleepover bedtime etiquette?

 

 

Yep, ditto here. My 13 year old enjoyed her friend at our house for a sleep over during the summer. We school a little in the summer - NOT a full schedule. At about midnight I also said lights out for the same reason. Otherwise it would take her a while to recuperate and that is alot of wasted time. Still, she's a kid/teen, but there still needs to be parameters.

[NanceXToo]

When my daughter has sleepovers, I don't enforce a bedtime, but I do make them take it up to her room instead of being downstairs at whatever time I'm comfortable with (usually when I want to go lay down for the night), and once they're up there and other people are starting to want to lay down etc., I do warn them they have to keep it quiet. DH is a night owl and stays up later than I do, so if he feels like they're being a little too loud a little too late, he might call up to them that they have to be quiet. But if they want to talk quietly, listen to music quietly, watch TV quietly, play quietly or whatever, they can do that until they fall asleep.

 

But that wouldn't affect my daughter for days as you are mentioning so in your case if you feel you need to make them go to sleep at a certain point, you know what's best for her!

[goldberry]

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

 

This. No bedtime, but they take it to the room at 10ish. My rule is also this...stay up as long as you want as long as I don't hear you. If I hear you, I will yell at you to go to bed!

 

They do pretty well with this! Next day, usually tiredness but hiding it as Joanne stated above.

[Chris in VA]

Dss never had sleepovers, but dd has had several.

I don't enforce a bedtime now (did when she was littler). She and her friend sleep in the livingroom (no TV there) on the floor. They can stay up as late as they want. I go upstairs around 11pm and they are in "bed" but can keep talking. Like a pp, our lives are different from the OP--no animal chores, and we don't have sleepovers when there's stuff to do the next day.

Want to add that we don't have alcohol in the house--I have memories of sneaking into my parents' stuff when I had sleepovers.

[Tasia]

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

This is us. My older boys get to take over the basement and stay up as late as they want when they have friends staying over. But, they have to "tough it out" the next day if they're tired. They can't skip dance, hockey, piano etc. just because they're tired, and they know they can't get out of their usual responsibilities either.

[Firestar Academy]

I don't force a bedtime. If my life were such that 3 days were impacted by a "sleep"over, I would probably not have them.

 

:iagree:

 

actually, the last sleepover exclusively for the 12 year-old went so poorly for my 9 year -old, I am considering MORE sleepovers for the older so the younger can learn better manners!

 

robin

[Just Jane]

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

:iagree:That's us too. I do let them sleep in if we're not doing anything but if we are they're expected to be up.

[Unicorn.]

Sleepovers have bedtimes. They are NOT slumber parties. Slumber parties are stay up as late as you want, eat a bunch of junk, go home cranky. They are usually associated w/ a birthday. Routine sleepovers shouldn't change the normal schedule by more than half an hour. It just means someone has a guest over.

[Joani]

 

I don't force a bedtime. If my life were such that 3 days were impacted by a "sleep"over, I would probably not have them.

:iagree: That would not be worth it for us. My kids sometimes stay up too late with friends, but they also occasionally stay up too late reading, playing poker with Dad or watching reruns of Big Brother. They just grab a cup of coffee and get on with their day. I think of it as good training for college. :D

[regentrude]

No enforced bedtime for sleepovers. I won't allow sleepovers during the school week, only on weekends. (Rare exceptions for out of town friends)

My son and his friends have the run of the basement and will sleep down there. After a certain time, I ask for relative quiet (so *I* can sleep), but they usually stay up until the early morning hours. I let them sleep in the next day, they are up no later than 9 or 10.

 

If it took him three days to recover, I would not have sleepovers.

[Cinder]

Sleepovers have bedtimes. They are NOT slumber parties.

 

To me there isn't a difference between a sleepover and a slumber party. Except maybe that girls have slumber parties and boys have sleepovers. We don't have routine sleepovers. For us they are few and far between so it is generally an event to have a sleepover.

 

We don't have an enforced bedtime but we do expect the dc to quiet down around 10 when dd goes to bed. The only tv/game system is in the living room and her bedroom is on the main floor. Around midnight they know to move downstairs to the basement (where the boys' rooms are and where they'll all sleep). The kids tend to get up early with sleepovers even if they only got a few hours of sleep. We generally don't have sleepovers when we have something to do the next day. We also don't have farm chores that need to be done early.

[Unicorn.]

A sleepover is one friend spending the night as a guest in our house. A slumber party is... well, a party with at least 2 or more extra people, w/ lots of partying going on.

[Durriyyah]

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

 

Exactly. I let them sleep in, but I can't throw away the next day. We really don't have a ton we have to get done the day after a sleepover, but I still can't stand to watch everyone sit around all day and do nothing.

[elfgivas]

well, fwiw, i'm the sticky wicket.

 

i can't sleep when there is noise in my house.

so when the girls have people over for the night, they all know that the condition is that at midnight the house is silent.

they can come or not come.

 

dds issue invites that include a line that says something like, "this isn't like most people's sleepovers. we all go to sleep, usually around midnight. if we don't, then we can't have them, 'cause mom has to sleep". occasionally we have one who tests the boundary, and that usually ends that pretty quickly. the exception was once when another mom also stayed over, and she encouraged the kids to keep playing even after i said i had to sleep. we haven't done that again.

 

fwiw,

ann

[kewb]

I insist on tv and lights out at midnight. What they do after that is up to them but if I hear them I will tell them to go to sleep because now they are interfering with my sleep.

[Hoot]

DS13 has a tv in his studio (across the hall from his bedroom). Sleepovers typically start downstairs in the living room where the big screen, Wii and PS3 are located. Then, around 10pm I'll have them take it up to the studio where they can stay up until they crash. The only rule is, you can't be loud enough that I can hear you in my room. If you wake me up, you will die. :tongue_smilie:

[somo_chickenlady]

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

 

:iagree:

 

This is how I do it as well. DS likes his sleep, though, and he always gets up early no matter what time he goes to sleep. Plus, the only time we have sleepovers is when our niece comes to visit. She likes to go to bed early usually, also.

[TranquilMind]

I don't force a bedtime. If my life were such that 3 days were impacted by a "sleep"over, I would probably not have them.

 

I agree with Joanne....again! What is happening here? ;):confused:

 

Anyway, yeah... for the rare sleepovers my 13.5 year old gets to have, I don't care if he stays up all night, and he does. All normal rules of proper food and bedtime are suspended for these rare occasions. I don't ever purchase or allow sodas either, but I bought him some Mountain Dew for the last one.

[Jennifer3141]

DS13 has a tv in his studio (across the hall from his bedroom). Sleepovers typically start downstairs in the living room where the big screen, Wii and PS3 are located. Then, around 10pm I'll have them take it up to the studio where they can stay up until they crash. The only rule is, you can't be loud enough that I can hear you in my room. If you wake me up, you will die. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

I love this! :lol:

 

That will be my rule in 5 years. "If you wake me up, you will die." Otherwise, have a great time.

[fairfarmhand]

I agree with Joanne....again! What is happening here? ;):confused:

 

Anyway, yeah... for the rare sleepovers my 13.5 year old gets to have, I don't care if he stays up all night, and he does. All normal rules of proper food and bedtime are suspended for these rare occasions. I don't ever purchase or allow sodas either, but I bought him some Mountain Dew for the last one.

usually she is unable to sleep much on Saturdays because of things that must be done. The next night she goes to bed at normal time. (can't convince her to go to bed earlier) Usually that is a Saturday night, so Sunday morning she has to be up by 8 at the latest to be ready to go to church. Sunday is a busy day, and Monday she's still tired and grumpy from the weekend.

 

Rather than simply ban sleepovers all together, I've given parameters (like go to bed at a somewhat decent hour) I was just wondering how odd that is.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't force a bedtime. If my life were such that 3 days were impacted by a "sleep"over, I would probably not have them.

 

Agreed.

 

 

Rather than simply ban sleepovers all together, I've given parameters (like go to bed at a somewhat decent hour) I was just wondering how odd that is.

 

I think you'll find it's unusual and that most teens won't expect to be held to a bedtime during an overnight. It doesn't mean it shouldn't happen, necessarily, but I do think you'll need to be clear up front about your expectations with both your daughter and the guest. And I wouldn't be surprised if you got a little boundary pushing from a first-time guest over the issue.

Edited October 29, 2012 by Jenny in Florida

[fairfarmhand]

Agreed.

 

 

 

I think you'll find it's unusual and that most teens won't expect to be held to a bedtime during an overnight. It doesn't mean it shouldn't happen, necessarily, but I do think you'll need to be clear up front about your expectations with both your daughter and the guest. And I wouldn't be surprised if you got a little boundary pushing from a first-time guest over the issue.

yeah. I kind of wondered if I was breaking sleepover protocol by doing that. Oh well, I usually do things oddly compared to most other people anyway.

[Kari C in SC]

We don't have many sleepovers, but when we do, the kids take over the family room (with the sole tv) so they can watch movies till they fall asleep. I don't make them go to sleep at any particular time.

 

But, our life is very different from yours. We have days when no one has to get up early - no animal chores. If one of my kids loses a night's sleep, he or she just goes to bed earlier the next day.

 

If I had your life, I'd probably not have sleepovers unless the kids understood and accepted the restrictions you need to put in place.

 

:iagree:

 

I have no set bedtime for teenage sleepovers. Most often they stay up as long as they can and that can me 4am sometimes. BUT... we have nothing that needs to be done the next day typically. If I had a farm, etc - I am sure I would feel different.

[Janie Grace]

Well, I'm odd, too. My kids each have 1-2 friends that routinely sleep over. Those parents don't want their kids up all night, either (crankiness, more likely to get sick, interferes with sports or other activities the next day, etc). We have the kids quiet down around 10:30/11:00 (and these kids are 9, 11, and 13). No one argues. Maybe it's more like spending the night with cousins than a "slumber party." The fun is being with friends and staying up later than usual, watching a movie with popcorn, etc. Complete sleep deprivation doesn't seem to be a big expectation!

[tex-mex]

We do sleepovers only on holidays or vacations as ds' buds go to public school and they NEVER get any sleep. For ds, it is a big treat with sodas, snacks, and yummy food he never gets to eat normally. I'm in a nearby room working while they do video game mania or movies. When I go to bed, the cell phone & laptop goes with me into my bedroom. Ds knows better than to grumble or act grouchy on me the next day due to lack of sleep. ;) If he does... no more sleepovers!!!

Edited October 29, 2012 by tex-mex

[Hoot]

I should add that, at some point, I give my kids the responsibility of their choices. If they want sleepovers, they have to still be up ready, and non grumpily involved in routine (school, used to include church, chores, etc.)

 

If they can't, the social activity goes away. They typically choose the social activity and manage to suck it up/disguise the effects of the sleep issue.

 

Yep, that is exactly how it is here, too. If you are grumpy because of your choice to stay up late, you simply lose the privilege.

[justLisa]

I don't have teens, but my kids have sleepovers. It's the same two that always sleepover. I do not have sleepovers to babysit. The parents know they are probably going to be up late, but they just sleep in. I don't really have a problem with it and no one seems to be grumpy.

 

But if it were a huge problem where my kids were grumps for days after I'd probably quit