Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 (from the joking portion of this thread: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/showthread.php?t=406736) If we could all work together to create an intensive course for the purpose of training homeschooling parents to be qualified enough to deflect criticism, what would it look like? What course would you teach? I'd teach American folk songs and frugal (cheap) notebooking. Those are my specialties. I might also teach an elective course in the creative use of post-it notes in the homeschool setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I want to teach them how to raise their hands properly and ask to use the bathroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'd teach how to make coffee stong enough to keep you awake, but not in the bathroom all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'll teach a course on how to train your kids to fetch their own breakfast and lunch. :tongue_smilie: Sign me up! At what age can I expect to begin seeing results? He can already forage for Cheerios out of the diaper bag and mostly peel his own clementine if that makes a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'll teach a course on how to train your kids to fetch their own breakfast and lunch. :tongue_smilie: That is so important! My kids have DIY breakfast down, but I'm still making lunch. I could use a course in how to get out of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Sign me up! At what age can I expect to begin seeing results? He can already forage for Cheerios out of the diaper bag and mostly peel his own clementine if that makes a difference. Well, that depends. Is he gifted? Hard to tell just from the diaper bag diving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I can teach a Mixology course. You ought to teach one on raising one's post count to the stratosphere. :D:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gabbymom Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'll teach a course in how to best use your time to research and discard curriculum, research and discard books, research and discard apps, research and discard....you name it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'll teach a course on reasons why the laundry isn't folded. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'd teach how to make coffee stong enough to keep you awake, but not in the bathroom all day. Sign me up for that one! Here's a preview... Start by allowing mineral build up in your machine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'd teach how to make coffee stong enough to keep you awake Are you certified to use that contraption? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well, that depends. Is he gifted? Hard to tell just from the diaper bag diving. You clearly missed the part about the clementine peeling. I forgot, he can also pull bananas from the bunch while only slightly mushing the top with his little fist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I don't know if that is teachable. Some just have the "gift". Yeah, I'd say you are "gifted". :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Are you certified to use that contraption? Definitely not. I even threw the instruction manual away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 How much should we charge for this event? :lurk5: Oh, and even more importantly, how can we use it to even further divide the homeschooling community as any certification scheme certainly would? Who should speak at our conferences? Do you think we can get Jon Stewart? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 How much should we charge for this event? :lurk5: Oh, and even more importantly, how can we use it to even further divide the homeschooling community as any certification scheme certainly would? Who should speak at our conferences? Do you think we can get Jon Stewart? I don't know about Jon Stewart, but we definitely need some hot guy in a kilt to teach us something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 You clearly missed the part about the clementine peeling. I forgot, he can also pull bananas from the bunch while only slightly mushing the top with his little fist. Oh, I thought you were exaggerating about the clementine thing. Mothers are such poor judges of their own kids' abilities, which is one reason they must not homeschool without training! (There'll be a course on that at the conference.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 How much should we charge for this event? :lurk5: The cost should be prohibitive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 The training course should be full inclusion (from homeschoolers to school-at-homers) should be dumbed down to a level that no one feels too challenged and it must focus on consensus making vs. truth seeking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 And you must sell training CDs/DVDs for those of us who can't attent, and make the international shipping horrendously expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowbeltmom Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Sign me up! At what age can I expect to begin seeing results? He can already forage for Cheerios out of the diaper bag and mostly peel his own clementine if that makes a difference. The results will depend on the educational level of the housewife and whether or not the housewife has completed the 6 months homeschool training certification class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'd teach 3 courses, cause I'm that good: "How Not To Be Judgmental" AND "How to Think BEFORE you Speak." And "how to take the trash out in 3 easy steps". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'll teach how to make bean dip. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well, I'm going to just speak for everyone here and say that what we really need, more than any course or training seminar, is a state-certified representative to check on us daily to make sure that we are not abusing or neglecting our children. Because I, for one, still don't understand why we wouldn't send our children to schools, unless we were trying to hide something, and it has really been bothering me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I might also teach an elective course in the creative use of post-it notes in the homeschool setting. :w00t: I am there. For this alone, I am there! I want to teach them how to raise their hands properly and ask to use the bathroom. Does this course include flushing? I'd teach how to make coffee stong enough to keep you awake, but not in the bathroom all day. :lol: The cost should be prohibitive. :iagree: :lol: I would love to teach Designing the Homeschool Environment. Naturally, my class would include a field trip to IKEA! And everyone would get a free Desk Apprentice included in the cost of attendance. That would help keep the cost prohibitive, of course. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 6 months! I thought it was 6 weeks! You can't tape that much instruction time. Or maybe you can. But....but.... then I need to find 6 months of laundry to fold while listening. I have a lot of laundry, but not that much. Oh, what a problem. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) I think we should invite God, Satan, Richard Dawkins, and Arne Duncan. :smilielol5: And Jon Stewart, and Johnny Depp, Tim Hawkins, and some sexy guy in a kilt. That ought to do it. Oh, wait. Flylady. Edited July 12, 2012 by Tibbie Dunbar editing out somebody funny that I didn't actually want there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'll teach how to make bean dip. :tongue_smilie: :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well, I'm going to just speak for everyone here and say that what we really need, more than any course or training seminar, is a state-certified representative to check on us daily to make sure that we are not abusing or neglecting our children. Because I, for one, still don't understand why we wouldn't send our children to schools, unless we were trying to hide something, and it has really been bothering me. So true. I always forget the obvious things. Would you mind chairing that department of the conference? Find someone worthy if at all possible. Thanks to the IKEA desk gimmick we should be able to afford someone good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I want to teach them how to raise their hands properly and ask to use the bathroom. I obviously need this training session, as I have failed miserably in the "asking to use bathroom" department.Mine just blurts out that he's gotta go and runs out of the room. :tongue_smilie: I'm hoping he doesn't still do that when he lands his first job. :lol: I am qualified to teach "how to homeschool with a crazed kitten underfoot and overhead and hanging from the miniblinds." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 :smilielol5: And Jon Stewart, and Johnny Depp, Tim Hawkins, and some sexy guy in a kilt. That ought to do it. Oh, wait. Flylady. Viggo, we need Viggo. He writes poetry, paints, and rides horses. He's also multi-lingual. I also vote for the developer of Minecraft to be flown in, ds will host him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Don't forget these classes - Teaching Kids to Read by Playing Video Games, Math Can Wait, & Sabbaticals for the Homeschooled Child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I obviously need this training session, as I have failed miserably in the "asking to use bathroom" department.Mine just blurts out that he's gotta go and runs out of the room. :tongue_smilie: I'm hoping he doesn't still do that when he lands his first job. :lol: I am qualified to teach "how to homeschool with a crazed kitten underfoot and overhead and hanging from the miniblinds." My mom offered to homeschool ds when we went on vacation once. To make it "real" she made him raise his hand to speak and ask to use the bathroom. They really are best buddies, but when I talked him to one night, he begged for her to not be the teacher anymore. I think he was about 7. I love my mom. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Viggo, we need Viggo. He writes poetry, paints, and rides horses. He's also multi-lingual. I also vote for the developer of Minecraft to be flown in, ds will host him. :svengo: I want my sons to be well-educated like Viggo. Yes, Paula, you be in charge of getting Viggo to the conference. You don't mind? You aren't too busy to give him a call, maybe put him up on your couch for the duration of the event? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoVanGogh Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 My mom offered to homeschool ds when we went on vacation once. To make it "real" she made him raise his hand to speak and ask to use the bathroom. They really are best buddies, but when I talked him to one night, he begged for her to not be the teacher anymore. I think he was about 7. I love my mom. :lol::lol: Your poor son!My mom hasn't visited in ten years. She is coming this fall and parking her RV in front of my house and staying until she gets tired of being away from home. :001_huh: Dear sis suggested I include Mom in our homeschool. :001_huh::001_huh::001_huh: I.can't.imagine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 :svengo: I want my sons to be well-educated like Viggo. Yes, Paula, you be in charge of getting Viggo to the conference. You don't mind? You aren't too busy to give him a call, maybe put him up on your couch for the duration of the event? Um, okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I obviously need this training session, as I have failed miserably in the "asking to use bathroom" department.Mine just blurts out that he's gotta go and runs out of the room. :tongue_smilie: I'm hoping he doesn't still do that when he lands his first job. :lol: Oooh, your post made me think of a class I desperately need: What Counts as Schoolwork and What Does Not Count as Schoolwork. I mean, when they go to the bathroom in the middle of school but then spend 30 minutes in there reading Beast Academy or 6 chapters of Lord of the Rings... I'm just :confused:. I could obviously use some guidance. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Oooh, your post made me think of a class I desperately need: What Counts as Schoolwork and What Does Not Count as Schoolwork. I mean, when they go to the bathroom in the middle of school but then spend 30 minutes in there reading Beast Academy or 6 chapters of Lord of the Rings... I'm just :confused:. I could obviously use some guidance. :tongue_smilie: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoLuRu Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Wii is PE and other ways to use what you have in an educational manner A panel discussion on how to make and keep friends for the weird, unsocialized homeschoolers :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 Um, okay. A little Christmas in July for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I could teach "How to Enjoy Making Schedules (That Your Children Will NEVER Follow.)" :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linguistmama Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 I'm only coming if we get the pjs that have "tea time" on them and the tote bag that says "I like big books!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Will there hens class on appropriate dress codes for Homeschool? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thefragile7393 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I actually don't have a lot of knowledge but I can teach about the different colors of Siamese cats, (4, although some purists only state 2) and what is the difference between a Siamese, Colorpoint Shorthair, and an Oriental. I can tell you the history of the breeds, and the different genetics needed to make the different coat colors. That's about it....a bit of useless knowledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'm only coming if we get the pjs that have "tea time" on them and the tote bag that says "I like big books!" :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 A little Christmas in July for you! :D Y'all are crackin' me up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 A panel discussion on whether to wear matching polo shirts for school time, or PJs? And for the teacher, a denim jumper or jeans, or the tight spandex dress that was someone's uniform? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gentlemommy Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'll teach Education-ese. *you kick the kids out back because they are driving you crazy and you. Just. Want. Some. Quiet. = Nature Study AND PE. *you set the kids down in front of YouTube and let them watch funny kitten and puppy videos = Science and Technology *you meet friends at the park and spend the next three hours chatting and ignoring your kids while they bury themselves in the sand = socialization *you call school off for the day because the baby is sick and miserable and just wants to whine and nurse = home EC *your kids play mummies and wrap each other up in toilet paper so you can finish reading that book you've been trying to finish = history :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'll lead a workshop for classical homeschoolers called "Books published after you were born: Threat or menace?" It will culminate in a trip to the children's section of a library, in which, after careful preparation, each parent will be encouraged to touch a children's book written in the 21st century. Maybe we should have MedicMom on hand for the field trip, just in case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I'll lead a workshop for classical homeschoolers called "Books published after you were born: Threat or menace?" It will culminate in a trip to the children's section of a library, in which, after careful preparation, each parent will be encouraged to touch a children's book written in the 21st century. Maybe we should have MedicMom on hand for the field trip, just in case. :smilielol5: Maybe you could suggest that people come with a friend. And the more courses preceded by a cocktail hour, the better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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