What do you do when.....?

[AlmiraGulch]

When you've reached the end of your rope, what do you do? When you absolutely cannot take one more thing, add one more burden, take on another ounce of stress, but know it's probably coming anyway because that's the nature of life....what do you do? How do you physically get through it?

 

This is a real question. I need help in this area. Screaming at people or retreating into myself or quitting my job or withdrawing from society are not options I want on the table anymore (and, sadly, what I've done before). I need better coping strategies, and I need them quickly, because what I'm doing now isn't working.

 

TIA.

[Dory]

Last night my way of coping was to take a very, very cold shower. It forced me to settle a little and gave me something to focus on that couldn't be ignored. It didn't take the stress away, but it seemed to make me able to make it through a little more. I also took a baseball bat to a hay bale a couple days ago to vent a little.

[Chris in VA]

I'm a woman of pretty strong faith, so I give it to God, sorta--I take it back on occasion...;)

 

I do make sure I'm getting enough sleep, and I allow myself to cry. I also overeat and overspend, so perhaps I'm not one to give advice, but I'm really just sharing what *I* do, not what's best.

 

I also find a burden shared is a burden halved.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Do the opposite of what your body seems to be telling you.

 

You can get into a cycle of panic, adrenaline, and stimulants (coffee, tea, diet coke, chocolate) that seems to fuel you but actually depletes your ability to recover every night.

 

Cut out any stimulants. Up your nutrition. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Exercise a little. Meditate. Breathe. Start doing yoga or tai chi if you want some direction in exercising a little, meditating, and breathing all at once.

 

Go out in nature and walk loooong, once a week. Take a stroll in the neighborhood every day, even if its only 15 minutes.

 

Did I mention sleep?

 

Here it is in list form: (It might help you to make a list like this and focus on adding one element at a time to your life. Once one element becomes a true habit, begin to work on another.)

 

1. Stay hydrated

2. Eliminate stimulants

3. Eat your proteins, fruits and vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds, and whole grains

4. Walk outdoors for 10-20 minutes every day

5. Spend an hour in nature on the weekend

6. Start doing yoga or qigong/tai chi for help in gentle exercise, stretching, breathing

7. Go to bed early

8. Carve out one positive social experience per week, if at all possible. A game night with family, going to church, an hour that you volunteer doing something you love, a class, any setting in which you are happy with others

[Seasider]

Do the opposite of what your body seems to be telling you.

 

You can get into a cycle of panic, adrenaline, and stimulants (coffee, tea, diet coke, chocolate) that seems to fuel you but actually depletes your ability to recover every night.

 

Cut out any stimulants. Up your nutrition. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Exercise a little. Meditate. Breathe. Start doing yoga or tai chi if you want some direction in exercising a little, meditating, and breathing all at once.

 

Go out in nature and walk loooong, once a week. Take a stroll in the neighborhood every day, even if its only 15 minutes.

 

Did I mention sleep?

 

Here it is in list form: (It might help you to make a list like this and focus on adding one element at a time to your life. Once one element becomes a true habit, begin to work on another.)

 

1. Stay hydrated

2. Eliminate stimulants

3. Eat your proteins, fruits and vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds, and whole grains

4. Walk outdoors for 10-20 minutes every day

5. Spend an hour in nature on the weekend

6. Start doing yoga or qigong/tai chi for help in gentle exercise, stretching, breathing

7. Go to bed early

8. Carve out one positive social experience per week, if at all possible. A game night with family, going to church, an hour that you volunteer doing something you love, a class, any setting in which you are happy with others

 

I was going to suggest exercise, but this list is MUCH better!

[KAM]

I find I have to head things off before they get to that point for best results. I make myself exercise every day, whether or not I feel like it and even if I think I don't have time. I just make it the top priority every day. I also take a half-hour to do something I want to do every day, again, regardless of how much other stuff there is to do. And the kids go to bed early. These things all help.

 

If I do get to that point-and I still definitely do,going outside for awhile often helps. I never feel like going out at the time, but if I make myself go out and walk around alone for a few minutes I find it helps a lot. Also chocolate :001_smile:

 

In an ongoing stress situation (lots of those in the past few years unfortunately) a change of scene is the best thing. Taking a day trip (or better yet a vacation), going for a walk somewhere new, or even just reading a really good book....the escape, even for a little while, can work wonders and help get stuff in perspective.

[AK_Mom4]

Last night my way of coping was to take a very, very cold shower.

 

My immediate solution is a long, hot bath with the door locked and the music cranked WAY up. :D

 

More long term - regular exercise, eating right, and plenty of sleep.

[Dolphin]

Learn how to say "no" and let people down.

 

There are things I had committed to when I got to this point. I had to prioritize what I was going to do. I made some uncomfortable phone calls and said I am sorry, but I am not going to be able to do this after all.

 

Then, as new things come in, say no. I am sorry, my plate is full and I am not committing to ANYTHING else right now. Doesn't matter if it is fun, a really good cause, great for the kids etc..., if you are at this point, say no.

 

Once you get through it, really look at things and set boundaries. It is hard, but it is surprising how much better you will feel. It is standing up for yourself and your family. It does not matter what the extra thing is, if it is going to send mom to the fetal position in the back of the closet, it is just not worth it.

 

Make self care a priority, you will be a better mother for it. Tibbie has some great ideas.

 

I made one room in the house that is clutter free zone. If anyone leaves anything in that room I put it in a box in the garage. I feel calm in that room. When everything is going out of control I go sit there and calm down.

 

But, the single biggest help, is my counselor. If that is an option for you, find the time. You really sound like you are suffering with anxiety. :grouphug:

[Dory]

My immediate solution is a long, hot bath with the door locked and the music cranked WAY up. :D

 

More long term - regular exercise, eating right, and plenty of sleep.

 

A lot of people seem to enjoy those and find them relaxing. They give me flashbacks though. A cold shower grounds me a little.

[AlmiraGulch]

Thanks all of you for the very good, very practical advice. This is exactly what I was looking for.

 

I'd like to try to do some of those things. I just feel like adding anything is...well...that one. more. thing. It's a never ending cycle, I suppose.

[phathui5]

I watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and eat ice cream.

[AlmiraGulch]

But, the single biggest help, is my counselor. If that is an option for you, find the time. You really sound like you are suffering with anxiety. :grouphug:

It's definitely an option. I've gone through several but can never settle on one. I realize how incredibly egotistical this next sentence is going to sound, but it's true: I sit there with these people and think that they really can't help me because I'm smarter than they are. Seriously. I want to yell at them "DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW FOR MY $75 AN HOUR!".

 

I realize there are GREAT therapists out there. I've had some (who are no longer in this area, unfortunately). I desperately wish I had one now. :)

[PinkInTheBlue]

Wow! This list looks amazing. I'm going to print it when I get home. I really hope this helps the OP. :grouphug: to you!

 

Do the opposite of what your body seems to be telling you.

 

You can get into a cycle of panic, adrenaline, and stimulants (coffee, tea, diet coke, chocolate) that seems to fuel you but actually depletes your ability to recover every night.

 

Cut out any stimulants. Up your nutrition. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Exercise a little. Meditate. Breathe. Start doing yoga or tai chi if you want some direction in exercising a little, meditating, and breathing all at once.

 

Go out in nature and walk loooong, once a week. Take a stroll in the neighborhood every day, even if its only 15 minutes.

 

Did I mention sleep?

 

Here it is in list form: (It might help you to make a list like this and focus on adding one element at a time to your life. Once one element becomes a true habit, begin to work on another.)

 

1. Stay hydrated

2. Eliminate stimulants

3. Eat your proteins, fruits and vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds, and whole grains

4. Walk outdoors for 10-20 minutes every day

5. Spend an hour in nature on the weekend

6. Start doing yoga or qigong/tai chi for help in gentle exercise, stretching, breathing

7. Go to bed early

8. Carve out one positive social experience per week, if at all possible. A game night with family, going to church, an hour that you volunteer doing something you love, a class, any setting in which you are happy with others

[AlmiraGulch]

I watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and eat ice cream.

 

I love this! Little House on the Prairie always takes me to a good place. :-) That, and Haagen-Daaz coffee..... (of course this completely contradicts all of the exercise advice....)

[Dory]

It's definitely an option. I've gone through several but can never settle on one. I realize how incredibly egotistical this next sentence is going to sound, but it's true: I sit there with these people and think that they really can't help me because I'm smarter than they are. Seriously. I want to yell at them "DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW FOR MY $75 AN HOUR!".

 

I realize there are GREAT therapists out there. I've had some (who are no longer in this area, unfortunately). I desperately wish I had one now. :)

 

When I had my counselor, I had gone through 8 others to find her. I needed someone that didn't make me feel like I was being treated like a child, or that I was mentally incompetent. What you say doesn't sound egotistical to me, but then, maybe I'm a little egotistical too. :001_smile:

[Desert Rat]

When I'm at the end of my rope? I tie a knot and swing a bit. By this I mean that I just put one foot in front of the other, do what needs to get done and forget about the rest. My brother says, "Fake it 'til you make it." Same concept.

Some days I count it a successful day if I get out of bed. I take vitamins, try to eat, get some exercise.

I hope you see sunnier days soon, OP. I'm right there with ya.

[kengjw]

When you've reached the end of your rope, what do you do? When you absolutely cannot take one more thing, add one more burden, take on another ounce of stress, but know it's probably coming anyway because that's the nature of life....what do you do? How do you physically get through it?

 

This is a real question. I need help in this area. Screaming at people or retreating into myself or quitting my job or withdrawing from society are not options I want on the table anymore (and, sadly, what I've done before). I need better coping strategies, and I need them quickly, because what I'm doing now isn't working.

 

TIA.

 

I would retreat to a quiet place and cry my eyes out to God!!! LOL. Crying releases "something" and it always make me feel so much better afterwards. Then, when I can no longer cry....I start talking to God, totally uncensored. Say it like it is, the good, bad and ugly, afterall He knows it all. I would vent about anything or anyone to Him. When all is said and done, I feel like a hugh burden has been taken off my shoulder.

 

If I am really fed up with the way things are going around me, it's time for me to examine why and how I let myself get to that point. I will keep asking myself questions and try to get to the roots of the whys, hows etc. I have realized recently that it is because I was trying to do everything on my own strength. I kept trying, trying and trying and always ended up at the same place. Trying to control everyone and everything is VERY hard work. Soon or later I am going to be exhausted and beat up again because I simply cannot control and handle everything with my limited ability. Things never come out the way I envision them. Friends and family don't always cooperate, my cat & kids don't do what I asked of them, the weather seems to have a mind of its own, the car breaks down etc etc...you get the picture...lol. Life is hard so I am just learning to lean on God and letting him be the driver. Life is so much more doable, breathable and enjoyable when I do so :0)

 

:grouphug:

 

Julia

[Dolphin]

It's definitely an option. I've gone through several but can never settle on one. I realize how incredibly egotistical this next sentence is going to sound, but it's true: I sit there with these people and think that they really can't help me because I'm smarter than they are. Seriously. I want to yell at them "DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW FOR MY $75 AN HOUR!".

 

I realize there are GREAT therapists out there. I've had some (who are no longer in this area, unfortunately). I desperately wish I had one now. :)

 

I went through years of counselors until I found mine. She is such a blessing. She calls me on all my stuff, and gives me opinions rather than "Well what do you think that means...?" Those drive me crazy.

 

I need someone who says, nope, you are mind racing and being nuts right now. We also laugh a lot. She gets my strange sense of humor. I find it helps to laugh at what is going on.

 

I don't know if this will help right now, but my current "challenge" is no matter what happens, to find at least one positive thing about it. No matter how horrible, what is at least one positive. (Even if it is, well, I guess I don't have to call her again.)

 

ETA: I like watching Ellen pranks on You Tube...

[LibraryLover]

Edited because I think I misunderstood the question.

Edited June 29, 2012 by LibraryLover

[kalanamak]

A closed door, a book and a nap. Cocoa is nice, too.

 

Then, I start looking at priorities. If I'm that way because the house is a mess, everyone stops what they are doing and we clean for a couple of hours. If I'm that way because I'm spread too thin, I start cancelling things. If I'm that way because a family member is being a jerk, we have a powwow.

[shanvan]

Do the opposite of what your body seems to be telling you.

 

You can get into a cycle of panic, adrenaline, and stimulants (coffee, tea, diet coke, chocolate) that seems to fuel you but actually depletes your ability to recover every night.

 

Cut out any stimulants. Up your nutrition. Sleep, sleep, sleep. Exercise a little. Meditate. Breathe. Start doing yoga or tai chi if you want some direction in exercising a little, meditating, and breathing all at once.

 

Go out in nature and walk loooong, once a week. Take a stroll in the neighborhood every day, even if its only 15 minutes.

 

Did I mention sleep?

 

Here it is in list form: (It might help you to make a list like this and focus on adding one element at a time to your life. Once one element becomes a true habit, begin to work on another.)

 

1. Stay hydrated

2. Eliminate stimulants

3. Eat your proteins, fruits and vegetables, beans, nuts, seeds, and whole grains

4. Walk outdoors for 10-20 minutes every day

5. Spend an hour in nature on the weekend

6. Start doing yoga or qigong/tai chi for help in gentle exercise, stretching, breathing

7. Go to bed early

8. Carve out one positive social experience per week, if at all possible. A game night with family, going to church, an hour that you volunteer doing something you love, a class, any setting in which you are happy with others

 

:iagree:Very good advice. This is what I do when I'm rational about it. I also make time to read for fun and relaxation. I make sure I'm somewhere quiet. Sometimes I take on a huge cleaning project to use up all the energy and give me something to focus on. It also helps me feel like I have control over something.

[shanvan]

It's definitely an option. I've gone through several but can never settle on one. I realize how incredibly egotistical this next sentence is going to sound, but it's true: I sit there with these people and think that they really can't help me because I'm smarter than they are. Seriously. I want to yell at them "DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW FOR MY $75 AN HOUR!".

 

I realize there are GREAT therapists out there. I've had some (who are no longer in this area, unfortunately). I desperately wish I had one now. :)

 

I feel exactly the same way. I think I do have some issues with anxiety, but am hesitant to go the therapist route for reasons you mentioned (and some others which I won't post here). I end up checking out some books on anxiety from the library. I also have a couple of books that look at these issues from a Christian POV which I find helpful. Because I am a Chrisitan I find Bible reading and prayer helpful too.

 

Anyway, books about coping I do find helpful at times even if it's just to see there are people struggling like me and often with much more difficult problems.

[Truscifi]

First I go to the dojo and punch things until I can think clearly. Then I reevaluate my current commitments and find at least one thing I can stop, and do so. I also brush off my "No" skills and refuse to commit to anything else until some of the current commitments are done.

[laughing lioness]

Cry. Get to a private place and cry about all of the hurt, frustration and disappointment. Don't edit yourself as you are crying, just feel what you need to and cry- for no good reason. Cry until you are wrung out.

 

Then go make tea and rest and nurture yourself.

[Amy Jo]

I got sick - so I put Mythbusters on and slept/rested a lot of the day yesterday. Even though I still don't feel great the sleep helped a LOT. So maybe some extra sleep? (And I mean a big block. I was extremely sleep-deprived it seems.)

 

The other positive thing that helps me is just getting outside - preferably alone, but with the kids if DH is gone. Either sitting on the porch, playing with the horse, or doing a nature walk with the kids. (Since kids don't appreciate sitting quietly like I do, it's best that they are kept moving.)

[amyable]

It's definitely an option. I've gone through several but can never settle on one. I realize how incredibly egotistical this next sentence is going to sound, but it's true: I sit there with these people and think that they really can't help me because I'm smarter than they are. Seriously. I want to yell at them "DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW FOR MY $75 AN HOUR!".

 

I realize there are GREAT therapists out there. I've had some (who are no longer in this area, unfortunately). I desperately wish I had one now. :)

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I've gone to two or three and after two weeks or so I quit.

 

I don't recommend my coping skills - I cry and eat a lot, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other even though I'm lonely and angry and sad. I just rest in the hope that someday it will all be over and I'll be in heaven, and none of this will matter anymore.

[shanvan]

:iagree::iagree:

 

I've gone to two or three and after two weeks or so I quit.

 

I don't recommend my coping skills - I cry and eat a lot, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other even though I'm lonely and angry and sad. I just rest in the hope that someday it will all be over and I'll be in heaven, and none of this will matter anymore.

 

:iagree:I've used those coping skills before, but I'm on the road to developing healthier ones now. Crying I try to avoid at all costs b/c it only makes me feel worse and it makes my sinuses rage for days afterward.

 

I like snuggling with the cat in addition to what has been mentioned so far.

[Plucky]

It's definitely an option. I've gone through several but can never settle on one. I realize how incredibly egotistical this next sentence is going to sound, but it's true: I sit there with these people and think that they really can't help me because I'm smarter than they are. Seriously. I want to yell at them "DON'T YOU THINK I ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT?!?!? GIVE ME SOMETHING NEW FOR MY $75 AN HOUR!".

 

I realize there are GREAT therapists out there. I've had some (who are no longer in this area, unfortunately). I desperately wish I had one now. :)

 

If it is anxiety or depression you could see your dr. and try an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med for a while. I know people will take issue with this but I have seen peoples lives change when they treat their anxiety/depression successfully.

[Dory]

If it is anxiety or depression you could see your dr. and try an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety med for a while. I know people will take issue with this but I have seen peoples lives change when they treat their anxiety/depression successfully.

 

Taking the meds helped make life easier for a bit, but they didn't deal with the reason for the stress. In other words, if the meds will help you get through it, than go for it, but make sure you deal with the cause of it all too. Can't live on meds for forever.

[Mommyof4ks]

When I reach the end of my rope I take a vacation. That generally restarts my patience meter, and I feel so much better. For the day to day things I pray which usually brings some sort of idea about how to get through the situation.

[BMW]

Lots of good ideas... here are a couple of mine...

 

Take a few minutes to wash and moisturize your face... it feels good!

 

Make a play list of your favorite "kick butt" songs! I love my play list (they have these for free online!)

 

Jump rope for a minute or two, shake it out... move on.

 

Enjoy a comfort drink... a coffee or tea?

 

Take time, perhaps early in the morning or later at night, to have a drink and tiny piece of a little something... for me, I loved lemon flavored almond bark with tea... and just a little piece to nibble, with my tea and a lit candle... helped.

 

Establish some simple, basic routines to stick to... most of us do this without thinking about it...

 

And as someone mentioned, give yourself time once a week to carve out an hour or so for something that you love... whether it be taking some pictures, reading, window shopping, crafting, watching a mindless entertaining show!

[Tap]

For me it is sleep.

 

I will go to bed as early as possible, and sleep as late as possible. It is the only thing that helps me let go. Sometimes, that means I am still getting less than 8 hours, but I tend to burn the candle at both ends, so if I don't focus on getting sleep....I will get down to 4-5 hours a night.

[I.Dup.]

A closed door, a book and a nap.

 

:iagree:

 

I lock myself in my room, lay down and read, or make lists (dump my brain out), mostly read though. I love reading. Also, get more sleep. I try to sleep more on the weekends when dh is home to watch the kids (all of mine are really little).

[besroma]

I pray a lot. I take walks alone.

 

:grouphug:

[Plucky]

Taking the meds helped make life easier for a bit, but they didn't deal with the reason for the stress. In other words, if the meds will help you get through it, than go for it, but make sure you deal with the cause of it all too. Can't live on meds for forever.

 

Well people with chronic anxiety or chemical imbalances actually do. :001_smile: I only mentioned it as a last resort. If trying everything else doesn't work I agree to see a counselor or her dr.