Amber in SJ Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Every Summer my Dd puts on an art camp for the kids we know. It is how she earns money for school. She does 3 classes divided according to age & if parents have kids in more than one class they can bring all their kids at once & my other dd babysits for cheap. Some parents leave their kids for the entire 3 hours. Here is the problem. One family has a 12 yo who has been stealing my 7yo's legos. He puts them in his pockets & walks out. We stop him & take them back. He tried to say he brought them. His brother outed him. The first day I talked to his mom & tried to act like I thought it was an accident and requested that he not bring any Legos of his own. The next couple of days we askd him to empty his pockets three times and every time he had stuff in there. On his way out we asked him for the last time and he said the legos were his and started crying because he "really wants them." The kids walk and we don't see the mom at all. It is only two more days so I guess we just continue being vigilant? It is ridiculous. We tried to keep it quiet so as not to embarrass anyone, but my ds figured it out today and was very upset. This is not normal behavior, right? Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Why is he still coming? Seriously. After the second time, I'd have refunded the money and said "see ya". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 If he is going to continue coming, have him empty his pockets on the way in. Then have him empty them on the way out of anything he "accidentally" put in there, and give him his stuff, if any, back. And, no, not normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 A 12 yo? Holy cow. At that age, I'm sorry, but it would not be an issue that I would want to deal with on a regular basis with someone else's kid. Why is he still coming? Seriously. After the second time, I'd have refunded the money and said "see ya". :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oasis Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I'd lock up anything I didn't want disappearing! Ugh; what a pain. Sorry you're having to deal with it, especially when your DDs are just trying to do something nice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Any way for your own sanity the Legos can be locked up tightly somewhere prior to his arrival and not used? It stinks but you might survive the last couple days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Why is he still coming? Seriously. After the second time, I'd have refunded the money and said "see ya". :iagree: Tell him and his parent he is no longer welcome at art camp, period. Refund them the $$ and say goodbye. A 12 year old stealing is not akin to a 4 year old stealing LEGOS. He has issues or parents are clueless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frugalmama Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Any way for your own sanity the Legos can be locked up tightly somewhere prior to his arrival and not used? It stinks but you might survive the last couple days. :iagree: This is what we had to do with our repair guy's son who is 5 - he kept stealing dd's matchbox cars since they were "boy toys" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Any way for your own sanity the Legos can be locked up tightly somewhere prior to his arrival and not used? It stinks but you might survive the last couple days. This is what I would do, make sure that he has no access to the legos. And maybe think about some new "rules" for next year. Sorry, it's not pleasant to have to deal with these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Tell him and his parent he is no longer welcome at art camp, period. Refund them the $$ and say goodbye. A 12 year old stealing is not akin to a 4 year old stealing LEGOS. He has issues or parents are clueless. :iagree: If the behavior is repeated, the parents need to know because this is NOT normal for the age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I disagree w/ one thing. I would not refund the money. I would have kicked him out the second time, and had his parents pick him up, explain the situation, and that he is no longer welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fhjmom Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 I disagree w/ one thing. I would not refund the money. I would have kicked him out the second time, and had his parents pick him up, explain the situation, and that he is no longer welcome. :iagree: This is exactly what I was thinking! A habitual thief would not be welcome back and I would have no qualms about not offering a refund because it was illegal behavior on his part that caused his dismissal. Being 12 years old and continuing the stealing after being caught make this way out of the norm! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 26, 2012 Share Posted June 26, 2012 Not welcome back. And I wouldn't refund the $ either. You get kicked out of any other camp, they keep the $. A 12 yo should know better, for pete sakes. A 4 yo, I can see...but 12?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted June 26, 2012 Author Share Posted June 26, 2012 Unfortunately, we know the family well, go to church with them, we teach this kid's sunday school class. I talked to the mom today. She says he has poor impulse control related to his ADD. I guess that is one way of looking at it. She has 5 kids in the various classes. We told her that we'd be asking him to empty his pockets on the way in, on the way out & several times during his visit. She is fine with that. I also told her that he wouldn't be allowed in the area where the other kids are playing with the Legos. Oh well, only two more days. The mom asked me today if my little kids would water their plants while they are gone next week. Is it wrong if I thought this would be a chance to poke through this kid's legos & look for any my son is missing? ;) Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Why does his poor impulse control have to be your problem? I'd tell the mom either she stays with him the whole time or he's gone. No way would I put up with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) The mom asked me today if my little kids would water their plants while they are gone next week. Is it wrong if I thought this would be a chance to poke through this kid's legos & look for any my son is missing? ;) Amber in SJ It would look funny, but it might cure him if you had him spend the day with his pockets pulled out like rabbit ears! :D Edited June 27, 2012 by besroma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I talked to the mom today. She says he has poor impulse control related to his ADD. I guess that is one way of looking at it. ADD is NOT an excuse to steal. Especially at that age. Maybe at 4, ONCE... Sorry but that excuse would infuriate me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Why is he still coming? Seriously. After the second time, I'd have refunded the money and said "see ya". :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Why does his poor impulse control have to be your problem? I'd tell the mom either she stays with him the whole time or he's gone. No way would I put up with that. :iagree: ADD is NOT an excuse to steal. Especially at that age. Maybe at 4, ONCE... Sorry but that excuse would infuriate me. :iagree:Her reasoning is ridiculous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 ADD does NOT = can't help being a klepto!:confused::confused: It sounds like his mom is focusing on his ADD so she doesn't have to address his real problems. I know you said it was only for 2 more days, but you could be setting a precedent with this family for years to come if your dd wants to continue doing this. Better to lay the rules out now, IMO. Either the mom stays with him the entire time, or he is kicked out for stealing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted June 27, 2012 Author Share Posted June 27, 2012 I was joking about going through this kid's legos. I would never, ever do that. Just trying to inject humor into an annoying situation. Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I'm sorry, but I have two children w/ ADHD, terrible impulse control, and they know not to steal! I am so sick of hearing people say that ADD or ADHD etc. is an excuse for not doing the right thing. That's a load of garbage, and I don't care if it was my best friend... the kid would not be coming back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cortana Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I'm sorry, but I have two children w/ ADHD, terrible impulse control, and they know not to steal! I am so sick of hearing people say that ADD or ADHD etc. is an excuse for not doing the right thing. That's a load of garbage, and I don't care if it was my best friend... the kid would not be coming back. :iagree:Same here, my younger son has ADHD and he knows better! Both my dh and my brother have ADD and it was uncontrolled during childhood (dh's mother refused to accept the dx and didn't do tx, my parents didn't know what ADHD was back in the day) and neither of them did anything like that. It really sounds like there is much more to what is going on with this child than ADD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 We covered for a friend doing this at our house. It was a mistake. Her stealing only got worse. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I was joking about going through this kid's legos. I would never, ever do that. Just trying to inject humor into an annoying situation. Amber in SJ Oops......sorry. I hope my answer did not sound harsh or judgemental. I wasn't thinking of it that way. :grouphug: I am also sorry you are having to deal with this, especially considering your daughter is doing the art camp for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 If that was my son I would want to know. I think you should contact the mom, and ask her how she wants you to handle it. ETA - Never mind - just read through the other posts and saw your update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Ya know this is why people think ADHD ADD Autism etc equal bad kids. Both my boys have issues and both the boys would not do this. At 12 if one of mine would have been caught stealing he would be crying I am so sorry not I want them so much. That is just stupid. I can't believe she thinks this is OK. It will only get worse and sooner or later no one will want that kid around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 If you are fond of the family, I think the emptying the pockets on the way in and out would be enough. I'm glad you talked to the mom about it, since I would not do that without parents knowing. I had to laugh about searching the other kid's lego-- good luck trying to figure out which pieces are whose!:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaylk in tx Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I have one with ADHD and very poor mpulse control. I could see him doing something like this now at age 10. And I could see myself explaining, not excusing, his behavior by referencing the ADHD. Fact is, there are lots of behaviors we are working on constantly but progress is very slow and incremental even with medication. We don't know from what the OP said, and the other mom has no obligation to let the OP know, exactly what she may be doing at home to try to correct this behavior. With mine, any corrections done in public cause a major meltdown so i handle all that privately. I guess some people could come to the conclusion that he never gets corrected, but they would be wrong. Since she is ok with the emptying of pockets, it doesn't sound like she is one of those "don't you dare be mean to my poor darling" mommas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 I have one with ADHD and very poor mpulse control. I could see him doing something like this now at age 10. And I could see myself explaining, not excusing, his behavior by referencing the ADHD. Fact is, there are lots of behaviors we are working on constantly but progress is very slow and incremental even with medication. We don't know from what the OP said, and the other mom has no obligation to let the OP know, exactly what she may be doing at home to try to correct this behavior. With mine, any corrections done in public cause a major meltdown so i handle all that privately. I guess some people could come to the conclusion that he never gets corrected, but they would be wrong. Since she is ok with the emptying of pockets, it doesn't sound like she is one of those "don't you dare be mean to my poor darling" mommas. If you cannot trust your dc to steal then it seems either you need to keep them with you or be there to supervise. I cannot see that it fair to others to say, well I know he steals so just keep an eye out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) :iagree: Tell him and his parent he is no longer welcome at art camp, period. Refund them the $$ and say goodbye. A 12 year old stealing is not akin to a 4 year old stealing LEGOS. He has issues or parents are clueless. :iagree: you caught him stealing 4 times? I would be worried about what he's doing that you're not catching. Yikes. Edited June 28, 2012 by RanchGirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 Having raised two adhd children and being ADHD myself, none of us have ever had a repeated problem with stealing. JUst like many little little kids, at least one of mine was marched up to the grocery store manager and made to apologize because she ate a candy at the grocery store. I think she was 4 then. None ever had any incident past six, for certain. A ten year old child repeatedly stealing is not an adhd problem, rather it is a character issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 :glare: I have a 10yr old ds with EXTREME impulse control issues. Think: Without meds he would try to immitate a squirrel and jump from tree to tree. He CANNOT refrain from reaching out and grabbing things or touching them. This is different than stealing, this is the child who knows not to touch the expensive vase, he just can't stop his arm from doing it, then when vase breaks he is heartbroken and stricken and will beat himself up severely. :glare: Needless to say, he is on medication. When on medication he is in complete control. It is like a switch that finally turns on. What I am getting at is this: It is possible that this child started out stealing as a result if adhd, but it has moved beyond that. It sounds like it is a compulsion (addiction) combined with impulse control issues. Is he not on medication? Does this mother really understand how much this is going to cost her son in the long run? I do not like medicating my son....AT ALL! But he has to be able to control himself and function in society. He cannot learn those things, right now, without the meds. I hope that as he matures, the work we are doing now will make them less of a necessity, but I do not know. This ds is a twin, the twin does not have the impulse control component. If I did not have a child with this issue (even an adhd child) I would not understand how bad it could be. I wonder if this mother is just completely overwhelmed with him at the moment. :confused: OP, it sounds like you are doing all you can. If he is otherwise a decent kid, please know that he probably HATES this about himself and struggles with a lot of shame. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.