Teaching Boys to Work (when no one else is)

[MamaBirdX7]

We live in a neighborhood with several other boys between 12 and 15, all either babies of the family by many years or only children. We have 6 kids, including two boys that are the same ages range as the neighborhood boys.

 

Our children have chores. Maybe 2 hours a day on a heavy day. They do sports, school work, you know STUFF. The neighborhood children have few if any responsibilities. I saw one kid doing yard work twice.

 

I am getting a lot of push back (pouting) from the older boy about working, especially outdoor work since the gang is always roaming doing how they do. So many times I've told him that I don't care if the other kids don't do anything, in our family we work. I don't want to grow another lazy entitled video game addicted basement dweller. My kids play plenty of video games, have an xbox, cell phones, do various sports, youth group, hang out a few hours a day with the neighborhood kids, they are not deprived. I'm really kind of a push over but I CANNOT do everything by myself and DH works very long hours.

 

Any ideas on encouraging boys to work without despite what everyone else is doing?

[elegantlion]

My only child has plenty of chores that are his alone. When he balks I remind him he's a member of the household and I need his help. We haven't had the issue of other kids for a while, but I have reminded him on other occasions that I'm not raising other kids, I'm raising him.

 

I grew up with a mother who would rather do things than take the time to show us how. I've shared that story with ds many times. I tell him how unprepared I was to even care for my own home as a young adult. I refuse to put him in that position, so he does chores. It's part of life end of story.

[BrotherAtticus]

If thats the case about lawns get them to mow the kids on the streets own lawns. I mow half the lawns in our subdivison (around 20) and make around 1000$ dollars a month. Money motivates

[Lang Syne Boardie]

My older boys are 12, 14, and 16.

 

Here are a few thoughts:

 

1. I would cut out the video games, the x box, the neighborhood friends, and possibly the youth group for the 15yo. All of those things are helping him desire to grow up to be a teenager and not a man.

 

I would find better friends and more manly mentors. Civil Air Patrol, some Boy Scout troops, Red Cross volunteering, Speech and Debate Club, Habitat for Humanity youth programs, etc. can help him connect with other young people who are actively trying to grow up. If his youth group is a typical evangelical youth group, see if you and DH can help him learn to lead instead of playing and being a follower. I'd be happy to talk more about that, if you are interested. I realize I'm making assumptions about youth group. Some are better than others, and I will believe you if you say the youth group is the most positive thing your son is doing.

 

2. I would look at the kind of work I was asking my teen boys to do. Yes, mothers need help running the household when Dad's away a lot, but in my experience that's not the way to teach young men how to work. They resist it. They need very physical and slightly dangerous challenges instead of dishpans and dust rags. That housework is more suited for 9-11yo boys, and that's a good time to teach them the necessary housekeeping and hygiene skills.

 

The older boys should be mowing lawns and trimming bushes, gardening, painting, chopping wood and maintaining the wood pile, woodworking to make things to sell, being sent on long errands by bike or on foot, and exercising deliberately every day. Have them build a firepit or a brick BBQ by hand and then chop the wood for it. If you need their help with cooking, have them grill and do other kinds of camp cooking.

 

One of my sons once lived in the backyard for the summer, setting up a very old-fashioned camp and maintaining it. (He followed old Daniel Beard books like The American Boy's Handy Book.) My 14yo is spending this summer building instruments. He's starting with cardboard dulcimers and working up to cigar box guitars, aiming to be a luthier in several years. These things are real work and help to build men.

 

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those this year.

 

You have to get your kids away from today's apathy. They need motivated and wholesome friends and sympathetic mentors, coaches, and bosses. Don't expect to find what you're looking for in a certain place; the apathy exists in the homeschooling and Christian communities as much as anywhere else. Some of my sons' best friends who share similar goals are from non-Christian, public schooling families. Take each new friend and each new activity on its own merits.

 

You also have to get your sons to buy into the concept of growing up. You have all of history and the entire world on your side, because it's only here and of late that kids have felt they had an option whether to launch into adulthood or not. Remove the bad influences, replace them with the good, encourage manly pursuits, model doing hard things, and encourage all achievement.

 

I've written a book! Whew. Obviously I am still in these trenches, and will be for another dozen years. I hope something in this post has been helpful.

[tricia]

I can't speak for all but for our family we work along side our boys. We only have 3 boys though. Nine girls. So with 12 kids there is always work to be done. My husband takes our boys with him ALL the time to do even the smallest of tasks. We heat only with wood and of course that requires labor. My husband takes the boys with him to do that. We get our drinking water from an artesian well a few miles from our home and we haul along about 25 five gallon containers. They all go. Yard work, car repairs, any repairs for that matter my husband gathers the boys and they assist. Now my boys are 16, 18, and a married 27 yo. All boys work hard. My two boys at home now initiate what needs to be done. I believe their initiation has come through the training and the side by side work they've done with their dad growing up. I think too that the dynamics of our family; 9 girls and 3 boys that they've just been taught that naturally they do the work. When dad is out of town I never feel to worry if anything happens because my boys can take over in a heart beat.

 

I'm not bragging at all. Just saying what I think has turned our boys into workers. Plus, being a large family "things" have never come easy for any us. So if something is wanted then the kids know they have to earn it simply because we are not in a position to give handouts to them. That too I think has played a role in their willingness to work.

 

Hope this helps.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

We live in a neighborhood with several other boys between 12 and 15, all either babies of the family by many years or only children. We have 6 kids, including two boys that are the same ages range as the neighborhood boys.

 

Our children have chores. Maybe 2 hours a day on a heavy day. They do sports, school work, you know STUFF. The neighborhood children have few if any responsibilities. I saw one kid doing yard work twice.

 

I am getting a lot of push back (pouting) from the older boy about working, especially outdoor work since the gang is always roaming doing how they do. So many times I've told him that I don't care if the other kids don't do anything, in our family we work. I don't want to grow another lazy entitled video game addicted basement dweller. My kids play plenty of video games, have an xbox, cell phones, do various sports, youth group, hang out a few hours a day with the neighborhood kids, they are not deprived. I'm really kind of a push over but I CANNOT do everything by myself and DH works very long hours.

 

Any ideas on encouraging boys to work without despite what everyone else is doing?

 

I think the bolded, along with appropriate consequences if the chores are not completed, is enough as long as you remain consistent.

 

I disagree with Tibbie, as I don't believe you need to start radically restructuring what your boys are doing because of complaints about chores. I would also be honest with them and explain that even as adults WE always don't want do what needs to be done. Some adults don't, and we can often tell by their homes/yards/lives. Part of adult responsibility is often doing what is unpleasant.

[GingerPoppy]

My older boys are 12, 14, and 16.

 

Here are a few thoughts:

 

1. I would cut out the video games, the x box, the neighborhood friends, and possibly the youth group for the 15yo. All of those things are helping him desire to grow up to be a teenager and not a man.

 

I would find better friends and more manly mentors. Civil Air Patrol, some Boy Scout troops, Red Cross volunteering, Speech and Debate Club, Habitat for Humanity youth programs, etc. can help him connect with other young people who are actively trying to grow up. If his youth group is a typical evangelical youth group, see if you and DH can help him learn to lead instead of playing and being a follower. I'd be happy to talk more about that, if you are interested. I realize I'm making assumptions about youth group. Some are better than others, and I will believe you if you say the youth group is the most positive thing your son is doing.

 

2. I would look at the kind of work I was asking my teen boys to do. Yes, mothers need help running the household when Dad's away a lot, but in my experience that's not the way to teach young men how to work. They resist it. They need very physical and slightly dangerous challenges instead of dishpans and dust rags. That housework is more suited for 9-11yo boys, and that's a good time to teach them the necessary housekeeping and hygiene skills.

 

The older boys should be mowing lawns and trimming bushes, gardening, painting, chopping wood and maintaining the wood pile, woodworking to make things to sell, being sent on long errands by bike or on foot, and exercising deliberately every day. Have them build a firepit or a brick BBQ by hand and then chop the wood for it. If you need their help with cooking, have them grill and do other kinds of camp cooking.

 

One of my sons once lived in the backyard for the summer, setting up a very old-fashioned camp and maintaining it. (He followed old Daniel Beard books like The American Boy's Handy Book.) My 14yo is spending this summer building instruments. He's starting with cardboard dulcimers and working up to cigar box guitars, aiming to be a luthier in several years. These things are real work and help to build men.

 

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those this year.

 

You have to get your kids away from today's apathy. They need motivated and wholesome friends and sympathetic mentors, coaches, and bosses. Don't expect to find what you're looking for in a certain place; the apathy exists in the homeschooling and Christian communities as much as anywhere else. Some of my sons' best friends who share similar goals are from non-Christian, public schooling families. Take each new friend and each new activity on its own merits.

 

You also have to get your sons to buy into the concept of growing up. You have all of history and the entire world on your side, because it's only here and of late that kids have felt they had an option whether to launch into adulthood or not. Remove the bad influences, replace them with the good, encourage manly pursuits, model doing hard things, and encourage all achievement.

 

I've written a book! Whew. Obviously I am still in these trenches, and will be for another dozen years. I hope something in this post has been helpful.

 

Very insightful and helpful post. Thank you! I don't have any sons, but I do hope to help my nephews in this way if I can.

[tricia]

I too agree with Tibby. Great advice about taking away the 'toys.'

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I too agree with Tibby. Great advice about taking away the 'toys.'

 

I disagree. The boy is 15yo. While he is becoming a man, he isn't one yet, and shouldn't expected to be one.

Is complaining about chores really a reason to cut out video games, friends, and youth group? For complaining? Sounds like a massive overreaction and a way to make a teen resentful for no good reason.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I think the bolded, along with appropriate consequences if the chores are not completed, is enough as long as you remain consistent.

 

I disagree with Tibbie, as I don't believe you need to start radically restructuring what your boys are doing because of complaints about chores. I would also be honest with them and explain that even as adults WE always don't want do what needs to be done. Some adults don't, and we can often tell by their homes/yards/lives. Part of adult responsibility is often doing what is unpleasant.

 

It is kind of a scorched earth policy, isn't it? And I'm sure it's not necessary or appropriate for every family. For my family, we're a little low on heritage and birthright but the one thing we do have is a heritage of being very hard workers. It honestly freaks me out to see young people who have no concept of work, so this is one area where I have been very deliberate and very tough. It's worked out well for my boys, and I have no regrets.

 

I do believe the economy and other political issues are helping the newest generation of young people to be much more hardworking and pragmatic. We seem to have run out of silver spoons, or something. I don't expect I'll feel called to make such a big deal about creating a counter-culture of work by the time my youngest son is a teenager, because he'll grow up around others who will also be fighting for opportunities and taking nothing for granted.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

It is kind of a scorched earth policy, isn't it? And I'm sure it's not necessary or appropriate for every family. For my family, we're a little low on heritage and birthright but the one thing we do have is a heritage of being very hard workers. It honestly freaks me out to see young people who have no concept of work, so this is one area where I have been very deliberate and very tough. It's worked out well for my boys, and I have no regrets.

 

I am glad it worked for you, but yes, I see it as massive overkill. We managed to get the same results you did without being that dramatic.

 

I do believe the economy and other political issues are helping the newest generation of young people to be much more hardworking and pragmatic. We seem to have run out of silver spoons, or something. I don't expect I'll feel called to make such a big deal about creating a counter-culture of work by the time my youngest son is a teenager, because he'll grow up around others who will also be fighting for opportunities and taking nothing for granted.

 

Eh, we'll see. I haven't seen that massive of a change in the areas I frequent.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I am glad it worked for you, but yes, I see it as massive overkill. We managed to get the same results you did without being that dramatic.

 

How old are your sons? How did/do they spend the bulk of their free time?

 

Eh, we'll see. I haven't seen that massive of a change in the areas I frequent.

 

I'm in a midwestern city, historically a factory-based economy. Lots of working poor here.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

How old are your sons? How did/do they spend the bulk of their free time?

 

20 and 14.

The 20 year old is in college, and is on an athletic scholarship. While in high school (HS'd through 8th, private high school), his focus was on academics and athletics. Until age 16, he primarily maintained our yard, and cut several lawns in the enighborhood. We are in a subdivision in the suburbs, so no wood to cut or other heavy chores. At 16, he began working PT when his primary sport was not in season, and he passed many of the lawns off to a friend, but still maintained ours. He also had plenty of time for video games and other typical teen activities.

 

The 14 year old is following a similar path, although his primary sport is different, which will affect his options for PT jobs.

 

DH travels extensively for work, so I have always relied on the boys for help. While they have not always been cheerful, they have always gotten their tasks done without out a lot of fuss.

 

I'm in a midwestern city, historically a factory-based economy. Lots of working poor here.

 

Interesting.

[SunnyDays]

Just following this thread with interest. :) My son is 9 and an only child. We're starting to have these discussions at our home... just today, in fact!! I'm getting a bit of attitude when asking for help, and it's something I want to change NOW. He's a big video game fan, and although his hours on the computer/Wii are limited, it's still too much of a focus for my taste. Unfortunately, we see a lot of friends who also have this focus and that doesn't help.

 

We've been discussing how mom and dad don't always enjoy mowing the lawn or doing the dishes, but that in a family we all have responsibilities. We also discussed attitude and how I'm going to work with him on better habits. He's really a great kid, but we're starting to see a bit of the "pre-teen" stuff and I want to get us going down the right path sooner rather than later. I've seen friends wait until they are teens to hand over responsibility and it doesn't seem to work.

 

So I am far from an expert on this but we're approaching it... I'd love to learn from all you mamas who have been there!! :)

[Kelly1730]

This something I discuss with dh a lot. Our older boys (30, 28 and 25) all managed to grow up to be hard working, productive husbands and fathers (well, the oldest two;)the 25 yo isn't married but did four years in the Army and is now gainfully employed. I feel we could have done much better with the time we had them. With the two sons we still have at home, we stress diligence, working "as unto the Lord", and how we were created to work, it is not a punishment.

 

We've had some "attitude" with the 10yos lately, and I address it immediately. I too do not want to raise video playing, basement dwellers:)

[*Lulu*]

I'm just wondering what takes up to 2 hours daily to do around the house.

 

You've never seen my 9yo sweep the walk! :lol: :lol:

 

*sweep, sweep* *wipe face and sigh deeply* *sweep, sweep* *watch birds for 10 minutes* *sweep,.........oops, bathroom break*

 

Rinse, repeat. :lol:

 

 

He is great most of the time; he just needs occasional redirection.

[Chris in VA]

If thats the case about lawns get them to mow the kids on the streets own lawns. I mow half the lawns in our subdivison (around 20) and make around 1000$ dollars a month. Money motivates

 

Good for you!

I haven't "met" you yet, but I see by post count you've been around a bit.

Welcome!

Nice to hear your perspective.

[laughing lioness]

Maybe if they had more buy-in with what you are doing and has a sense of accomplishment or pride in the fact that they are making your life (homeschooling) do-able while Dad is away?

 

Has your dh talked with him about his responsibilities and that he is counting on him to help you while he is away? Dh talking to ds12 has been very important to ds's attitudes about helping.

 

Also, when ds12 just won't.stop.arguing with me about something totally stoopid and why he shouldn't have to work I'll occaisionally ask him if he wants to call Dad at work and present his case. Ds responds much more logically and calmly to dh than to me (he told me it's because Dad is "scary" :lol:. Dh is infinitly calm (irritatingly so) and rarley loses his temper with kids). But, ds knows that a lot of his attitude towards me re: chores is B.S. and Dad would be really happy to dole out a more work/ consequence so he has "practice" serving others with a good attitude.

 

My 12 yo and I have had some good discussions about work lately. My point to him is that I am training him to be someone whom others can look to and trust. I'm training him to have a skill set, a work ethic and a sense of direction. This is not the same as having a sense of entitlement. He is getting to the age where he is seeing the difference in attitude and behavior with kids who have unlimited leisure time and kids who are directed to accomplish something.

Just this year has he willingly taken more responsibility. It also helps that he thinks his ds17 hung the moon and if older bro gets thinks he's being a woose about work, he'll shape up asap.

[TX6]

We live in a similar enviroment. The kids on our street have told me they have no chores. The funny thing is everytime we are working outside I get a bunch of kids on my yard trying to help. Last week, my 10 year old learned how to mow the yard. The motivation to use power tools helps. I just hope his helpful attitude doesn't change in his teen years.

[lea1]

My older boys are 12, 14, and 16.

 

Here are a few thoughts:

 

1. I would cut out the video games, the x box, the neighborhood friends, and possibly the youth group for the 15yo. All of those things are helping him desire to grow up to be a teenager and not a man.

 

I would find better friends and more manly mentors. Civil Air Patrol, some Boy Scout troops, Red Cross volunteering, Speech and Debate Club, Habitat for Humanity youth programs, etc. can help him connect with other young people who are actively trying to grow up. If his youth group is a typical evangelical youth group, see if you and DH can help him learn to lead instead of playing and being a follower. I'd be happy to talk more about that, if you are interested. I realize I'm making assumptions about youth group. Some are better than others, and I will believe you if you say the youth group is the most positive thing your son is doing.

 

2. I would look at the kind of work I was asking my teen boys to do. Yes, mothers need help running the household when Dad's away a lot, but in my experience that's not the way to teach young men how to work. They resist it. They need very physical and slightly dangerous challenges instead of dishpans and dust rags. That housework is more suited for 9-11yo boys, and that's a good time to teach them the necessary housekeeping and hygiene skills.

 

The older boys should be mowing lawns and trimming bushes, gardening, painting, chopping wood and maintaining the wood pile, woodworking to make things to sell, being sent on long errands by bike or on foot, and exercising deliberately every day. Have them build a firepit or a brick BBQ by hand and then chop the wood for it. If you need their help with cooking, have them grill and do other kinds of camp cooking.

 

One of my sons once lived in the backyard for the summer, setting up a very old-fashioned camp and maintaining it. (He followed old Daniel Beard books like The American Boy's Handy Book.) My 14yo is spending this summer building instruments. He's starting with cardboard dulcimers and working up to cigar box guitars, aiming to be a luthier in several years. These things are real work and help to build men.

 

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those this year.

 

You have to get your kids away from today's apathy. They need motivated and wholesome friends and sympathetic mentors, coaches, and bosses. Don't expect to find what you're looking for in a certain place; the apathy exists in the homeschooling and Christian communities as much as anywhere else. Some of my sons' best friends who share similar goals are from non-Christian, public schooling families. Take each new friend and each new activity on its own merits.

 

You also have to get your sons to buy into the concept of growing up. You have all of history and the entire world on your side, because it's only here and of late that kids have felt they had an option whether to launch into adulthood or not. Remove the bad influences, replace them with the good, encourage manly pursuits, model doing hard things, and encourage all achievement.

 

I've written a book! Whew. Obviously I am still in these trenches, and will be for another dozen years. I hope something in this post has been helpful.

 

I really appreciate what you have written here Tibbie and I want my two 6.5 YO boys to grow up to be like this. Do you know of any books that give examples of the type of work one can give to boys who are growing up in the suburbs, the type of things you mention above, plus more and plus things for them when they are younger and coming up?

[Tarreymere]

If thats the case about lawns get them to mow the kids on the streets own lawns. I mow half the lawns in our subdivison (around 20) and make around 1000$ dollars a month. Money motivates

 

Good for you!

[cougarmom4]

I'd like to recommend the book, "Do Hard Things," by Alex and Brett Harris. http://www.amazon.com/Do-Hard-Things-Rebellion-Expectations/dp/1601421125/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340291082&sr=8-1&keywords=do+hard+things

 

 

 

My ds14 is reading that this summer and we are discussing it together. It is written by two home-schooled young men. There is a definite Christian bend to it, fyi. The authors basically talk about how there is an issue with teenagers in our society not being expected to do hard things...and what a difference it makes to push yourself rather than fall into the entitlement trap.

[Tarreymere]

We stress the 'we are a team' ethic when it comes to work around the house and the yard. Everyone is on the team and the team does the work and gets the rewards (like dinner). We still get grumping and complaining, though.

 

As for the 'what household chore takes two hours' question, I have to add that I wish I had video of some of the lollygagging that goes on around here when it comes to chores. I could post it on You Tube and become famous. The absolute best would have been my now adult son at age seventeen mowing the lawn around our mobile home lot. It took him two days to get it all done, and we live in a trailer park so you can imagine the size of the lot! He would stop every two or three feet, sigh, flex his hands on the mower handle, look skyward, wipe the sweat from his brow, sigh again, look around the yard, re-adjust his baseball cap, sigh, take off the chore gloves he had invested the first two hours into locating, examine his hands for blisters, sigh, ect. It was beyond hilarious. I really regret not filming him.

 

I can't imagine why, if the chore is soooo intolerable, they would want to drag it out for so long.

[momma aimee]

My older boys are 12, 14, and 16.

 

Here are a few thoughts:

 

1. I would cut out the video games, the x box, the neighborhood friends, and possibly the youth group for the 15yo. All of those things are helping him desire to grow up to be a teenager and not a man.

 

I would find better friends and more manly mentors. Civil Air Patrol, some Boy Scout troops, Red Cross volunteering, Speech and Debate Club, Habitat for Humanity youth programs, etc. can help him connect with other young people who are actively trying to grow up. If his youth group is a typical evangelical youth group, see if you and DH can help him learn to lead instead of playing and being a follower. I'd be happy to talk more about that, if you are interested. I realize I'm making assumptions about youth group. Some are better than others, and I will believe you if you say the youth group is the most positive thing your son is doing.

 

2. I would look at the kind of work I was asking my teen boys to do. Yes, mothers need help running the household when Dad's away a lot, but in my experience that's not the way to teach young men how to work. They resist it. They need very physical and slightly dangerous challenges instead of dishpans and dust rags. That housework is more suited for 9-11yo boys, and that's a good time to teach them the necessary housekeeping and hygiene skills.

 

The older boys should be mowing lawns and trimming bushes, gardening, painting, chopping wood and maintaining the wood pile, woodworking to make things to sell, being sent on long errands by bike or on foot, and exercising deliberately every day. Have them build a firepit or a brick BBQ by hand and then chop the wood for it. If you need their help with cooking, have them grill and do other kinds of camp cooking.

 

One of my sons once lived in the backyard for the summer, setting up a very old-fashioned camp and maintaining it. (He followed old Daniel Beard books like The American Boy's Handy Book.) My 14yo is spending this summer building instruments. He's starting with cardboard dulcimers and working up to cigar box guitars, aiming to be a luthier in several years. These things are real work and help to build men.

 

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those this year.

 

You have to get your kids away from today's apathy. They need motivated and wholesome friends and sympathetic mentors, coaches, and bosses. Don't expect to find what you're looking for in a certain place; the apathy exists in the homeschooling and Christian communities as much as anywhere else. Some of my sons' best friends who share similar goals are from non-Christian, public schooling families. Take each new friend and each new activity on its own merits.

 

You also have to get your sons to buy into the concept of growing up. You have all of history and the entire world on your side, because it's only here and of late that kids have felt they had an option whether to launch into adulthood or not. Remove the bad influences, replace them with the good, encourage manly pursuits, model doing hard things, and encourage all achievement.

 

I've written a book! Whew. Obviously I am still in these trenches, and will be for another dozen years. I hope something in this post has been helpful.

 

Great post!!

[UmMusa]

My older boys are 12, 14, and 16.

 

Here are a few thoughts:

 

1. I would cut out the video games, the x box, the neighborhood friends, and possibly the youth group for the 15yo. All of those things are helping him desire to grow up to be a teenager and not a man.

 

I would find better friends and more manly mentors. Civil Air Patrol, some Boy Scout troops, Red Cross volunteering, Speech and Debate Club, Habitat for Humanity youth programs, etc. can help him connect with other young people who are actively trying to grow up. If his youth group is a typical evangelical youth group, see if you and DH can help him learn to lead instead of playing and being a follower. I'd be happy to talk more about that, if you are interested. I realize I'm making assumptions about youth group. Some are better than others, and I will believe you if you say the youth group is the most positive thing your son is doing.

 

2. I would look at the kind of work I was asking my teen boys to do. Yes, mothers need help running the household when Dad's away a lot, but in my experience that's not the way to teach young men how to work. They resist it. They need very physical and slightly dangerous challenges instead of dishpans and dust rags. That housework is more suited for 9-11yo boys, and that's a good time to teach them the necessary housekeeping and hygiene skills.

 

The older boys should be mowing lawns and trimming bushes, gardening, painting, chopping wood and maintaining the wood pile, woodworking to make things to sell, being sent on long errands by bike or on foot, and exercising deliberately every day. Have them build a firepit or a brick BBQ by hand and then chop the wood for it. If you need their help with cooking, have them grill and do other kinds of camp cooking.

 

One of my sons once lived in the backyard for the summer, setting up a very old-fashioned camp and maintaining it. (He followed old Daniel Beard books like The American Boy's Handy Book.) My 14yo is spending this summer building instruments. He's starting with cardboard dulcimers and working up to cigar box guitars, aiming to be a luthier in several years. These things are real work and help to build men.

 

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those this year.

 

You have to get your kids away from today's apathy. They need motivated and wholesome friends and sympathetic mentors, coaches, and bosses. Don't expect to find what you're looking for in a certain place; the apathy exists in the homeschooling and Christian communities as much as anywhere else. Some of my sons' best friends who share similar goals are from non-Christian, public schooling families. Take each new friend and each new activity on its own merits.

 

You also have to get your sons to buy into the concept of growing up. You have all of history and the entire world on your side, because it's only here and of late that kids have felt they had an option whether to launch into adulthood or not. Remove the bad influences, replace them with the good, encourage manly pursuits, model doing hard things, and encourage all achievement.

 

I've written a book! Whew. Obviously I am still in these trenches, and will be for another dozen years. I hope something in this post has been helpful.

Wow... I need to copy and paste this into a document on my computer. Very wise and encouraging words, dear!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I feel like we live on different planets. :001_huh:

 

I don't mean to insult with that comment. Those things just aren't a reality around here. We don't chop wood. We don't have much of a yard. Etc...etc...

 

I actually have a tough time coming up with stuff for my kids to do in terms of work. My oldest is only 10. I do have him help me out around the house. We also have him help us with home maintenance, but even that is pretty minimal.

 

I don't know how to create this sort of work hard mentality (which I agree is important) within the reality of our situation. KWIM? Hopefully I'm not sounding like a nutcase here. :tongue_smilie:

 

No, you don't sound like a nutcase! :) I do. The work lifestyle I'm talking about is traditionally the province of farming families, which we are not. It's not built naturally into our lives, either. I had to put it there. We just started with the idea that boys should be working, and they should like their work if at all possible. It's as important to us to provide work as to provide food, shelter, clothing, and education.

 

We've lived in apartments, trailer parks, good neighborhoods, bad neighborhoods, and finally landed on a quiet street with a big lot on the edge of a midwestern city. It's easiest here where I can have a garden, etc. but in each location I "found" work for my boys that involved muscles, weather, and a goal.

 

When I was a teen my family lived in a very awful trailer park on the edge of a small town. I love Rainefox's story of her son mowing! LOL That was the size of our yard, too. Our problem of needing work 'to grow on' was solved because of our family's poverty. We could only afford one car and my Dad had to drive it to the city to work, the rest of us needed to find a job to help pay the bills (and jobs were plentiful in the late 80's/early 90's for teens), and town was 5 miles away. So we biked to school so we could work afterward, and biked home after work. My older brothers worked on farms owned by church members, and they worked very hard. They also did corn detassling in the summer, and worked fast food during the school year. My little brother found summer and after-school work on a sod farm. I cleaned houses and babysat as well as working part-time at Kmart.

 

We did other things. We all went to public school, we all dated and had friends, and we each played one sport and participated in at least one club. I played softball and edited the school newspaper. My brothers were in track and band. It was just understood that our family situation required strength and a very mature work ethic on the part of the teens, so anything "fun" we wanted to do had to come after work. We were determined to have fun, so we made it happen.

 

I love what that did for each of us. I love that my grandparents' families were similar, and the stories of hardworking young men and women have been passed down. I wasn't about to raise a family without that heritage, but the times are so different! I had to sit down and really think how they could work when there are no jobs, their Dad makes enough money for them to sit at home on their rears, and regulations preclude some of the out-of-the-box opportunities my brothers and I had.

 

So when my boys were small I bought very old activity-based books, like the Foxfire series and the Daniel Beard books, to see if my little guys would take to them. They did. :) We've always emphasized being good with their hands like Daddy and the Grandpas, so they've learned camping skills, hunting skills, knots, woodworking, auto repair, etc. from the time they were little.

 

I created work by putting in a garden and planting apple trees, setting up a home/yard maintenance schedule that involves painting, taking things apart, and building, bought Ford vehicles because I know enough about their maintenance and repair to teach the kids, and constantly giving the boys things to fix or create. DH is an electrician, and does his part in including his sons in as much work as possible. They've learned basic wiring and installation, drywalling, a little masonry, and a lot of woodworking from him. He often helps people from church and in the community with DIY projects, and always takes one of the boys with him on those jobs.

 

I'm sorry I wrote so much! I'm in a hurry, the boys are working with Civil Air Patrol at an Air Show all weekend and I have to drive them up there, so I didn't have time to condense this post. LOL

[fairfarmhand]

I feel like we live on different planets. :001_huh:

 

I don't mean to insult with that comment. Those things just aren't a reality around here. We don't chop wood. We don't have much of a yard. Etc...etc...

 

I actually have a tough time coming up with stuff for my kids to do in terms of work. My oldest is only 10. I do have him help me out around the house. We also have him help us with home maintenance, but even that is pretty minimal.

 

I don't know how to create this sort of work hard mentality (which I agree is important) within the reality of our situation. KWIM? Hopefully I'm not sounding like a nutcase here. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

I understand. I live on a farm, but there are other forms of work that your sons can do that aren't "farm" work.

 

First, my landscaping would be the boys' department. Weeding, watering, weedeating, trimming shrubs, scrubbing the porches (or is my porch the only one that gets filthy?) would all be the boys' work. Then there is car maintenance. Your car can be washed weekly, vacuumed weekly, all the windows of the car windexed. Teach that boy how to detail a car. Things like carrying in groceries, scrubbing out trash cans, cleaning the garage, etc. can all be handed over to sons.

 

This shouldn't let them off the hook for household things, because they are dirtying up the house too. They also need to gain an appreciation for the work that others do and can only get that by taking a turn at dishes, washing their own clothing, etc. But I think as the teen years approach, they should start working on housework related to what THEY have messed up and contributing to the household by doing more outside work.

 

Your sons might also enjoy learning a skill like woodworking. Then they can build you new bookcases!!!

[catz]

There is no landscaping.

 

We aren't allowed to wash our cars. And I don't really wash it if I'm being honest. A ride in the rain and it's washed.

 

Although I do have the oldest clean out the inside of the car.

 

There is no garage. The area around the house is so small there is almost nothing to do in it.

 

Maybe that's hard to imagine, but that's city living. The kids do take out recycling.

 

We live a similar existence and I'm struggling a bit keeping the 11 year old busy at this point. Both my kids have chores (picking up their rooms, kitty litter, clean up, are asked to do tasks on the fly). But I'm seriously thinking of ramping up school obligations in the fall for my 11 year old just to keep him busy. He got really fast this past year at getting his work done on his own. I'll probably be posting/searching for curriculum suggestions for him soon (he's accelerated too, but isn't necessarily ready or willing to do high school level output).

[SunnyDays]

Wendy, I don't think you're crazy at all... we also have a city lot, although it sounds bigger than yours. But we don't have wood to chop, crops to plant, etc.

 

My husband and I both detassled corn when we were about 14. I babysat a lot, and just before my 15th birthday, I got a job at a local grocery store that I kept until I was nearly done with college (came back to work breaks and summers). DH has also been a hard worker as well. We both had middle class parents who could afford all our needs and a few of our basic wants, but we needed to work for the rest, as well as put aside money for college. Things just seem different these days... as others have said, jobs are harder to come by for teens, although we do see them working at local grocery stores and restaurants.

 

My DS has no video games for the next couple days because of a slight attitude problem yesterday, interestingly enough regarding doing chores. :) So right now he's building with his Lincoln Logs, which haven't seen the light of day for some time.

[SunnyDays]

I don't even know what corn detassling (sp?) is. :D

 

Eh maybe I'm thinking too hard about this.

 

 

LOL... yeah, I don't think they have that in your neck of the woods. :D

 

From Wikipedia: Detasseling corn is removing the pollen-producing flowers, the tassel, from the tops of corn (maize) plants and placing them on the ground. It is a form of pollination control,[1] employed to cross-breed, or hybridize, two varieties of corn.

 

Basically teenagers walk the rows of corn and pull off the tops of the plants. I don't know if it can't be done by machine, or if people just wanted to keep teenagers busy and out of trouble!! ;)

[Soror]

I'm listening in here. Dh and I were both raised to help and work a lot. Dh is slightly resentful but loves all that he was taught to do, plumbing, electrical, mechanical, building etc. He also is very close to his Dad as well. My ds is only 7(almost 8) but dh has started training him in various tasks and being the assistant when he is working if at all possible. Last night he helped work on the frig, he has helped with some plumbing and mechanical before as well- although basic things. Growing up dh's dad bought him a very old and in bad shape VW bug. He learned a lot fixing that thing up, then he and his friends would ride around the field until it broke again and then they would fix it again. He mowed the yard as soon as he could sit on the mower and pushed mowed as well and took care of the wood and helped with animals.

 

We don't have as much outside stuff to do here so far, except the rabbits he feeds and waters. Most of ds' chores are inside as of now.

 

Wendy- is your house clean to the level you like? Can your kids take on more to help with cooking, dishes and laundry? Are they fully responsible for their rooms and things? How about some project books like Tibbie and others mentioned. Ds' reading level isn't high enough to do a lot of those kinds of books yet but it sure excites him looking at him, I'll be happy when he is a bit older and can do it all on his own. I bought the Irresponsible Science Book and Mini Office Warfare and there is lots in there, not work so much, but something besides video games to keep them focused and learning.

[Soror]

Yes it is. Cooking is my hobby so aside from having the kids help because they enjoy it I don't want to hand that task over. ;)

 

 

I love cooking as well but cooking 3 meals a day I get worn out sometimes. I also want them to learn as well, unlike dh who needs explicit directions! They think it is cool to help and do it themselves as well.

[Spryte]

We struggle with the same issue, so this thread has been a great read. Lots of inspiration, though implementing a lot of it is difficult, given our area as well.

 

I'm an atheist so I'm not sure they'd welcome me. But I do like the idea of helping someone out in the community.

 

What about Habitat for Humanity? Boys and Girls Club (do they take volunteers?)? Community Centers? It's definitely going to take some creativity on our end, too.

 

Our community does have a small group who volunteer to help the elderly and anyone who is sick or just needing a hand. It is not affiliated with a church. We have a local yahoo group, and they offer help periodically. I think starting a group like that would be a good idea for the right teen, although it would take some work to get it going.

[SunnyDays]

Has anyone here read "Created for Work" by Bob Schulz? Definitely from a Christian perspective so it may not be for everyone... I've looked at it and it seems it would address some things on this topic.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Created-Work-Practical-Insights-Young/dp/1883934117/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1340298230&sr=8-1&keywords=created+for+work

[justLisa]

I'm an atheist so I'm not sure they'd welcome me. But I do like the idea of helping someone out in the community.

 

I think there is a reason we live in the city? I don't live downtown, but near Seattle. We have a smallish yard. I guess I just don't really prioritize house chores like others. Not that there is anything wrong with it, it's just not me. I'm fine with what they do right now in the house. DS mows the lawn now, and DD likes to trim the spots around the edges with the electric trimmer thing. They help as they can, but we don't really have designated "chores." I ask them to help with something and they usually comply with out complaining. My dream is to move out another 10 miles and have property, but I still don't think my kids would work for hours a day. It's kind of a hobby for me, but since DH and the kids are used to being city dwellers I don't think I'd care if they did not share chores equally. But again, that's just me. I just like being more laxed I guess. But my son is definitely driven. He works hard at what he does, and I am happy with what he does.

 

When I was in college I drove for meals on wheels on Fridays because I did not have class. I have been trying to find something in the community, but everything seems to be for church goers. It's actually not easy around here to donate your time. And the opportunities that do come up, well usually it is something I do not want to support.

[justLisa]

LOL! Now there's an idea. DS runs a mean game of blackjack. I think senior centers are an easy place to find volunteer work. The one nearest here is just in a shady spot, which is why I am reluctant. And there is no parking so we have to walk at least 2 blocks. It is NOT a good spot.

[fairfarmhand]

For those without outside chores, what about offering to do those for your church or local community center? We have SO many chores here that we've not to have to look for those opportunities, but I know our local church would welcome any help. Here, the children are expected to help hay, irrigate, fix fence, feed the herds and flocks, gather eggs, chop ice, shovel coal, linseed oil buildings, mow, etc. Especially with boys, I think getting sweaty at least once a day on NEEDED work makes all the difference.

 

 

Not just churches. Our library grounds are maintained by volunteers. What about a community garden? Can you volunteer to help someone with weeding and maintaining theirs, even if you have no desire to do it yourself?

 

But yes, last year, even with all the farm work available, I increased my dd's schoolwork load. I made exercise (1 hour) a mandatory part of the day and 1 hour of music practice too. The early morning exercise seemed to really help with the attitude and drama a bit.

[Brenda in FL]

My older boys are 12, 14, and 16.

 

Here are a few thoughts:

 

1. I would cut out the video games, the x box, the neighborhood friends, and possibly the youth group for the 15yo. All of those things are helping him desire to grow up to be a teenager and not a man.

 

I would find better friends and more manly mentors. Civil Air Patrol, some Boy Scout troops, Red Cross volunteering, Speech and Debate Club, Habitat for Humanity youth programs, etc. can help him connect with other young people who are actively trying to grow up. If his youth group is a typical evangelical youth group, see if you and DH can help him learn to lead instead of playing and being a follower. I'd be happy to talk more about that, if you are interested. I realize I'm making assumptions about youth group. Some are better than others, and I will believe you if you say the youth group is the most positive thing your son is doing.

 

2. I would look at the kind of work I was asking my teen boys to do. Yes, mothers need help running the household when Dad's away a lot, but in my experience that's not the way to teach young men how to work. They resist it. They need very physical and slightly dangerous challenges instead of dishpans and dust rags. That housework is more suited for 9-11yo boys, and that's a good time to teach them the necessary housekeeping and hygiene skills.

 

The older boys should be mowing lawns and trimming bushes, gardening, painting, chopping wood and maintaining the wood pile, woodworking to make things to sell, being sent on long errands by bike or on foot, and exercising deliberately every day. Have them build a firepit or a brick BBQ by hand and then chop the wood for it. If you need their help with cooking, have them grill and do other kinds of camp cooking.

 

One of my sons once lived in the backyard for the summer, setting up a very old-fashioned camp and maintaining it. (He followed old Daniel Beard books like The American Boy's Handy Book.) My 14yo is spending this summer building instruments. He's starting with cardboard dulcimers and working up to cigar box guitars, aiming to be a luthier in several years. These things are real work and help to build men.

 

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those this year.

 

You have to get your kids away from today's apathy. They need motivated and wholesome friends and sympathetic mentors, coaches, and bosses. Don't expect to find what you're looking for in a certain place; the apathy exists in the homeschooling and Christian communities as much as anywhere else. Some of my sons' best friends who share similar goals are from non-Christian, public schooling families. Take each new friend and each new activity on its own merits.

 

You also have to get your sons to buy into the concept of growing up. You have all of history and the entire world on your side, because it's only here and of late that kids have felt they had an option whether to launch into adulthood or not. Remove the bad influences, replace them with the good, encourage manly pursuits, model doing hard things, and encourage all achievement.

 

I've written a book! Whew. Obviously I am still in these trenches, and will be for another dozen years. I hope something in this post has been helpful.

 

This was awesome!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to post!!

[happyhomemaker]

3. Paying jobs can be practically impossible for teens to find nowadays. We circumvented the problem during this past school year by letting our boys promote themselves as volunteers in community settings where volunteers are not always expected. When the situation is presented to the storekeeper or librarian or whoever, the adults are surprisingly sympathetic.

 

One of my sons printed a stack of business cards with his name and contact info and the self-appointed title, "Community Volunteer." He found places to go to work every day for no pay other than a chance to network and learn skills. He has beautiful reference letters in his file testifying to his punctuality and professionalism. It's not always about money, not during a recession.

 

Another son has found 'jobs' for himself by teaching classes for free. He gives lectures and demonstrations on his areas of expertise (American folk music, he plays 5 instruments) and aerospace education in Civil Air Patrol. He has spoken in schools and libraries, and hopes to expand on those

 

I love this idea! I'm filing this away for when ds gets older.

 

I know several people who get their sons to do work for elderly folks in the neighborhood. The boys are not allowed to take any money for the jobs they do. I like that idea as well.

[momma aimee]

LOL... yeah, I don't think they have that in your neck of the woods. :D

 

From Wikipedia: Detasseling corn is removing the pollen-producing flowers, the tassel, from the tops of corn (maize) plants and placing them on the ground. It is a form of pollination control,[1] employed to cross-breed, or hybridize, two varieties of corn.

 

Basically teenagers walk the rows of corn and pull off the tops of the plants. I don't know if it can't be done by machine, or if people just wanted to keep teenagers busy and out of trouble!! ;)

 

I think the biggest thing to remember -- i see this in mine at 4 and 6 is idle hands are the devils workshop!!

 

Detassleing corn and putting up hay by hand -- 2 best activities for a teen boy ever invented. we do not farm (though we have 33 acres) but my boys will put up hay when they are old enough.

 

they already cut thistle with their dad in the fields (did it tonight actually) and last week the moved, by hand, 100's of small paving stones from by the house over to the edge of the drive away.

 

hard work is so important

[momma aimee]

Not just churches. Our library grounds are maintained by volunteers. What about a community garden? Can you volunteer to help someone with weeding and maintaining theirs, even if you have no desire to do it yourself?

 

But yes, last year, even with all the farm work available, I increased my dd's schoolwork load. I made exercise (1 hour) a mandatory part of the day and 1 hour of music practice too. The early morning exercise seemed to really help with the attitude and drama a bit.

 

what exercize do you have them do and do you do it with them?

[mama2cntrykids]

I *just* had my 11 and 9 yr old boys in the garden yesterday, lecturing them about work ethic, b/c they didn't want to pull weeds. Guess what, kids? TOUGH! I refuse to raise boys (or girls, for that matter) that don't know how to work (and to work HARD when appropriate). I am NOT having unmotivated kids louging round while I do all the work. Nope. You live in our home, you have chores...period.

 

Mind you, their chores don't take hours everyday. That would be ridiculous. They load/unload the dishwasher, make beds, pick up rooms, the oldest takes care of the chickens/cats, the youngest boy takes care of the dogs. They sweep/mop floors and clean the bathroom sinks weekly. They also take the trash out when needed and any other thing that might need doing. Oh! The oldest (ds11) does his own laundry, including folding/putting away. All the kids set/clean up the dinner table. The boys occasionally help make meals. I need to be better about this, it's been tough with the baby this past year, so I just do it, usually.

 

Sorry, this is a huge soap box for me. When I was working outside the home, I saw so many young men that had no work ethic. It was SAD. That's not going to be my boys, not if I can help it. Once they're out on their own, if they aren't working hard, I guess that's on them. I don't think it'll be a reflection on my trying. I'm sure they'll be men that will work hard though, so I'm not worrying about it.

 

I'm not a slave driver, far from it. They usually don't complain too much about the work, either. Really, they don't complain at all. I must be doing something right...or they are ;).

[4everHis]

We live in a neighborhood with several other boys between 12 and 15, all either babies of the family by many years or only children. We have 6 kids, including two boys that are the same ages range as the neighborhood boys.

 

Our children have chores. Maybe 2 hours a day on a heavy day. They do sports, school work, you know STUFF. The neighborhood children have few if any responsibilities. I saw one kid doing yard work twice.

 

I am getting a lot of push back (pouting) from the older boy about working, especially outdoor work since the gang is always roaming doing how they do. So many times I've told him that I don't care if the other kids don't do anything, in our family we work. I don't want to grow another lazy entitled video game addicted basement dweller. My kids play plenty of video games, have an xbox, cell phones, do various sports, youth group, hang out a few hours a day with the neighborhood kids, they are not deprived. I'm really kind of a push over but I CANNOT do everything by myself and DH works very long hours.

 

Any ideas on encouraging boys to work without despite what everyone else is doing?

 

Just read a great book about this, http://www.amazon.com/Cleaning-House-Twelve-Month-Experiment-Entitlement/dp/0307730670 and it will make you glad that you are making your kid take responsibility for 'life.'

[fairfarmhand]

what exercize do you have them do and do you do it with them?

we did couch to 5 k together. She does pilates, and aerobic videos like Turbo Jam and Tae Bo. I sometimes did them with her.

[Audrey]

There is no landscaping.

 

We aren't allowed to wash our cars. And I don't really wash it if I'm being honest. A ride in the rain and it's washed.

 

Although I do have the oldest clean out the inside of the car.

 

There is no garage. The area around the house is so small there is almost nothing to do in it.

 

Maybe that's hard to imagine, but that's city living. The kids do take out recycling.

 

 

Wash walls

Wash windows

Wash floors

Repaint

Repair

Do chores for others

 

Those are just a few that come to mind for you. Washing walls, floors and windows is hard work. Personally, I love washing windows. It relaxes me precisely because it requires me to expend a lot of energy.

 

While my ds does do a lot of farm chores, he also does a lot of chores for other people. Right now, my fil is not well. Ds has been spending a lot of time with my dh over at fil's house fixing little things that need fixing because he can't do it and his wife doesn't know how. While there, he's also been doing the lawn mowing, weeding and other yard work for them. He doesn't get paid to do these things, although fil keeps trying to give him money. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if he did take the money offered (because he didn't ask -- it was an offer), but he insists on not taking it because he says he "just feels like he shouldn't." That's his business, so I have not commented on it to him, but I am kind of proud that this is the ethic he has decided upon for himself in this situation.

 

All of that is to say... there are many things boys can do that are "work" and that are also kind and helpful. It doesn't have to be about crushingly hard labour to be effective. It doesn't have to have any kind of punitive atmosphere to it. I will say, though, that to expect a work ethic, you have to model it, and model it, and model it until it hurts, then model it some more. It's one of the tougher things to get through to a kid, especially when they see their peers seemingly running free 24/7.

[Audrey]

Not just churches. Our library grounds are maintained by volunteers. What about a community garden? Can you volunteer to help someone with weeding and maintaining theirs, even if you have no desire to do it yourself?

 

But yes, last year, even with all the farm work available, I increased my dd's schoolwork load. I made exercise (1 hour) a mandatory part of the day and 1 hour of music practice too. The early morning exercise seemed to really help with the attitude and drama a bit.

 

Oh yeah! Physical exercise has nearly the same effect as good physical labour on the attitude. During winter, when chores are fewer, I make sure we all get good exercise every day. Trust me, I could not live with these 2 guys without it! :lol:

[QueenCat]

Not just churches. Our library grounds are maintained by volunteers. What about a community garden? Can you volunteer to help someone with weeding and maintaining theirs, even if you have no desire to do it yourself?

 

There are grounds at our library??? Or are you closer to a different one than I'm thinking of........... all I see is concrete.

[fairfarmhand]

There are grounds at our library??? Or are you closer to a different one than I'm thinking of........... all I see is concrete.

both the R. County and C. County libraries have green stuff growing around them. Flowers, trees, shrubs.....

[QueenCat]

both the R. County and C. County libraries have green stuff growing around them. Flowers, trees, shrubs.....

 

Aaah..... are either of them better than the M. County one?

[fairfarmhand]

Aaah..... are either of them better than the M. County one?

nope. R county is pretty good, but not what the M county is. C. County has a GORGEOUS building, but doesn't have very many books. Who thought that a library needs hand-painted murals and a fireplace but not so many books?