Bluegoat Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think the OP has legitimate questions about this guy and she should talk to him about them, and make observations as a pp advised. I find the use of the word "love" in the title to be almost meaningless. I do think the more mundane aspects of compatibility are far more important in a marriage than the passion/romance. Yes, it is true that if one marries without them, they may not develop. It is also quite common for people to marry with those things and for them to disappear. I see marriage as a normally permanent arrangement, so on balance I would want to give weight to the things that are likely to be more permanent. And entering in knowing that passion may abate and it is still ok gives a different weight to entering in without the passion in the first place. I don't think it is wrong to refrain from marrying if one isn't moved to, all other things being equal. But if I already had kids, I would consider having a good father for them to be a strong consideration. I do kind of object to the idea that marrying someone one isn't "in love with" has anything to do with a lack of integrity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think if you marry someone you don't love but you do love the money and the "comfortableness," then that's just one step too close to prostitution for me. The only difference is the quality of stuff you get from the deal. Ick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Red Flag right there. If he is not totally disgusted with himself and repentant of these actions, he does not see much wrong with it. Have you been able to find out what he thinks of it today? When you wrote he is not repentant, does this refer to back then or now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Most of us eventually fall into a state of contentment no matter how earth shattering in love we are at the beginning of the marriage. As time progresses, our needs for other things like health, prosperity, stability, free time, social outlets, etc. can overshadow our need for knee shaking, heart melting love. Now that I'm old, I would definitely marry for those things even if I wasn't in love. But if you had asked me this in my twenties, I would have said, "no". :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dealea86 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) I think if you marry someone you don't love but you do love the money and the "comfortableness," then that's just one step too close to prostitution for me. The only difference is the quality of stuff you get from the deal. Ick. I completely disagree. It's nothing like prostitution, especially if there's already a friendship with the man in question (as is the case with the OP). A marriage is a give and take regardless of why you got married. You give and he gives. You take and he takes. It's a commitment you make to each other. That's about as far from prostitution as it comes. Most marriages spanning history have been arranged marriages, political marriages, and marriages of convenience. Are you saying marriage was only glorified prostitution for thousands of years? If so, I can't agree with that. And in a great number of marriages (possibly the large majority of marriages) that initial passion and love fade and are either replaced by friendship and a deeper, non-romantic love, or they wind up hating or not caring about each other. I think a marriage that starts off without the romantic love but with a commitment to make it past that point and try to love and respect each other is at least as likely to become a healthy marriage than one where both parties are too consumed with passion for each other to consider what happens after. ETA: I don't necessarily think that OP should be marrying this man based on the things she's shared here. But if the red flags weren't there, it would be a very different situation. Edited May 28, 2012 by Dealea86 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I firmly believe your happiness is what you make it, so if forced into the situation of marrying a man I didn't love, I could become content with my life. But I'm blessed to live in an age where I get to choose who I share my life with and I'm not going to waste the one life I get on someone I don't love, respect and care for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think it would be sad if a woman "settles" for marrying a man she doesn't love (when her kids aren't in danger of starving) and then in a few years finally meets Mr. Right. Also, being expected to participate in "wifely duties" when she isn't ever interested is demeaning and makes a woman feel used. When I was chronically ill and couldn't do more than one or two chores a day, I had zero interest. None. At the time, we thought the Bible taught that a spouse could never turn their spouse down, so I "went along" with it for years. It made me feel almost like a prostitute, and he was also unhappy because he knew I wasn't interested on my own. This is not an easy problem to fix, and I often have to remind myself that if I was interested before kids, maybe someday things will "get back to normal." If I had never felt that way about him ever, it might be difficult to convince myself that staying is worth it. At least, when we have problems, I can remember how things used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Then he is not a decent man with a character that you could respect. And if you couldn't respect him (in his core) then you are correct, I don't think you could love him. I would say "no thank you" to the weekend because in my opinion it would be using him to lead him on. :iagree: I don't believe we are talking about a decent man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 No. Having known real love, I could not settle for less. Yes, having known real love, I run screaming from it. Real love and me don't mix. I am too much of a bonder and I pine, I pine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I disagree with this. What do you mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 No. Having known real love, I could not settle for less. I would prefer to be on my own than sacrifice my emotional integrity. There is no amount of money, security or travel that could make me betray myself like that. :iagree::iagree: What she said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGin Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Yes, because I believe strongly that love is an act of the will, not a random feeling that just happens. If he possessed the the qualities mentioned, was a man of good character and strong faith, and we would otherwise be good friends, all the ingredients for a solid marriage would be in place and I would choose love. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I think a marriage that starts off without the romantic love but with a commitment to make it past that point and try to love and respect each other is at least as likely to become a healthy marriage than one where both parties are too consumed with passion for each other to consider what happens after. Passion alone is not a great foundation for a marriage. However, platonic affection and sense of duty alone also seems inadequate - even if accompanied by financial stability. Am I terribly idealistic to think that one should want both, especially when one is young? It didn't seem that hard to me to fall passionately in love with someone who shared my long term goals and my faith and who was committed to marriage as an institution as well as to me as a person. I know a number of couples who seem to have managed this - to have both passion/chemistry/energy and also commitment for the long haul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BugsMama Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 If he was a good man I respected and cared for, who respected and cared for me, sure. IMO its more about deep friendship and compassion than it is about "passionate love". Deep love can grow out of a solid foundation, passionate "love" fades over time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dealea86 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Passion alone is not a great foundation for a marriage. However, platonic affection and sense of duty alone also seems inadequate - even if accompanied by financial stability. Am I terribly idealistic to think that one should want both, especially when one is young? It didn't seem that hard to me to fall passionately in love with someone who shared my long term goals and my faith and who was committed to marriage as an institution as well as to me as a person. I know a number of couples who seem to have managed this - to have both passion/chemistry/energy and also commitment for the long haul. I agree that having both is better than just having one. :) I just also think that if you can only have one, you should choose platonic love and duty. Women, especially, are very capable of learning to love a man romantically. I am optimistic that if I felt I had to do it, I could make a marriage of convenience into a good and loving marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 If you haven't spoken about these particular incidents for several years, you really have no idea how he currently feels about what he did many years ago. For all you know, he is now very remorseful. People can change a lot over the course of several years, so if this is something that bothers you (and it would definitely bother me,) I think you should ask him about it. Get him talking about the old days when he was a young police officer, and see what he says. If he doesn't mention the incidents that concern you, come right out and casually ask him to tell you the stories again, so you can find out if he still thinks they are funny. Normally, I would tell you to just drop the guy, but if he seems like a different kind of man now, I wouldn't just assume that his feelings about his past mis-steps are the same now that they were many years ago. How many of us, if we had it to do over again, wouldn't change some of the things we did when we were younger? I'm not defending the guy's past behavior, but I also wouldn't condemn him for life over some rotten things he did years ago, if he is genuinely sorry about what he did back then. And if it turns out that he still sees nothing wrong with what he did, you'll know for sure that there is no possibility that he's the right man for you. I might say there was still hope for a relationship to work out if the guy just seemed a little boring to you, or something like that, but it's a whole different ball game if he still has a mean streak -- at that point, he is not only wrong for you; he might also be dangerous. I would be very worried that he might be abusive to you or your children if he still believed that hurting and tormenting people was funny. :iagree: I also agree that we all do stupid things when we are young and, well, stupid. I think it definitely deserves another conversation. If I had high standards and would have trusted my gut and waited for the perfect friendship and romance, I wouldn't be married and have the 6 children I have today. My dh has matured into a great man and we have a great family. We have both changed a lot. A lot. We are still growing, learning, making mistakes, but who isn't. Money, security, being good with kids and a kind person are huge things. I wouldn't necessarily wait around for the fuzzy romantical feelings to come around, esp. if I had kids to provide for. But it's really hard to say without being in the situation. It sounds like you guys have a history together, you should know quite a lot about him by now. History counts for a lot. :) I know a woman who, more than anything, wanted children of her own. She isn't the most attractive woman but there were a couple decent guys over the years who wanted to date her. However, her standards were so unreasonably high that she refused to even date them and she is past childbearing age now and still alone. Those guys have since gone on to marry others and have great families of their own. It's sad to me. I would have a lot of regrets if I were her. Not comparing this at all to your situation, just sharing "out loud." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 No. I wouldn't. I want to love someone and know that they love me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemy4kids Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Yes. Unless there was a physical repulsion. Love is an action. This was commonplace for years and years. The "feeling" we often refer to as love these days is in many cases simply infatuation or lust. Building a relationship together, caring for and being with can all foster a true love for each other. I would NOT however lie to the man. He needs to know up front that the woman does not "love" him, but will honor him, respect him and be willing to be devoted to him. He needs to understand that she may or may not ever have those schoolgirl "love" feelings. My two cents....please don't beat me up for my opinion. I said I would, doesn't mean I think anybody else SHOULD! Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Then he is not a decent man with a character that you could respect. And if you couldn't respect him (in his core) then you are correct, I don't think you could love him. I would say "no thank you" to the weekend because in my opinion it would be using him to lead him on. I agree. Big time. I could never respect a person who did that. I can't hardly sit in the same room for more than an hour or two with a person for whom I no respect. Sharing a home and a bed with them? No. I would feel like slime for compromising that much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I don't believe that people really change the core of who they are as a person. She said this fellow expresses no remorse for those past actions. He was a heartless bully then and has no remorse for that. IMO, that still makes him a heartless bully at his core. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I know this was the norm long ago but not anymore I don't think. Anyway, would you marry someone who while you would never love you would be content with. You would of course be expected to perform your wifely duties in the bedroom and out. In exchange, you and your children will be well cared for by a decent man. You would get to travel quite a bit as well. marrying for romantic love is such a new idea, historically speaking. i honestly think the fire of love and passion can lead to bad matches. I think love, real love, is a choice (again not lust or passion). i think the skyhigh divorce rate is proof enough that marrying based on passion is not a good stable choice. if you fall IN "love" you can fall out of love -- if, as i feel, love is a choice then you keep makeing that choicve daily to be true to yourself and the marraige. Yes, I would marry a man i respected and was content with -- without the passion of love -- if it meant a good life. there is a lot to life besides passion and love -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 I don't believe that people really change the core of who they are as a person. She said this fellow expresses no remorse for those past actions. He was a heartless bully then and has no remorse for that. IMO, that still makes him a heartless bully at his core. :iagree: While I could marry a man without love, I couldn't marry a man without respecting him. I don't know that I could be friends with him. Have you ever had another discussion with him about these actions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I don't believe that people really change the core of who they are as a person. She said this fellow expresses no remorse for those past actions. He was a heartless bully then and has no remorse for that. IMO, that still makes him a heartless bully at his core. My impression was that he didn't express any remorse at the time of the incidents, which occurred many years ago. I hope she will correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe she has spoken with him about it since then. That's why I (and others) suggested that she bring up the topic now, and see how he responds. If you're right, and he has recently spoken about what happened and still thinks it's funny, I absolutely think she should ditch him immediately. I was just thinking that he hadn't spoken of it in many years, and that he may have changed a lot since that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueTaelon Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 My impression was that he didn't express any remorse at the time of the incidents, which occurred many years ago. I hope she will correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe she has spoken with him about it since then. That's why I (and others) suggested that she bring up the topic now, and see how he responds. If you're right, and he has recently spoken about what happened and still thinks it's funny, I absolutely think she should ditch him immediately. I was just thinking that he hadn't spoken of it in many years, and that he may have changed a lot since that time. It happened when he was a young idiot, he told me about these things 8-9 years ago and it was at least 6 years in the past at that point and we haven't talked about it since. They really are the only reason I put a stop to the relationship back then. We really were well matched but it's that unkindness that just turned me off. My mom has been bugging me for years to marry him and just thinks I'm being to picky. I wondered if that's really the case and based on responses I'm seeing here that mirror my own thoughts I'm glad to know I'm not. I feel like it would be settling for MR. He'll do and I did feel like it would be a bit like prostitution with a lot of lying even if I was upfront about my feelings. Anyway, he's kind to wait staff and "invisible people" would have had no idea he did such horrible things in his past if he hadn't told me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I don't think we love people in a "spend our life together" kind of way just because they are decent people. I know dozens of really great men who are decent, good men and nice fathers, and I don't want to marry them. I myself am an attractive, decent woman, and I don't think every man should fall in love with me just for that. There would have to be more, right? Some combination of my kind of interests and intelligence, and humor - shared values and desires. People have different lifestyles and different ideas of love. I know many couples who spend almost no time together, have totally separate lives, and are not "friends" with their spouse, and are happy, and would say they love their spouse. I don't think I should tell them it's not good enough. I think for some people, a nice life with a decent person sounds awfully nice. I know women who have been with abusive men, and someone who is decent scores pretty highly. So I don't honestly know. But I think there is something strange about "knowing" that you'd never love someone. I also think a lot of womenwouldbe happy with a loving man who "took care of them." A lot of people -- think of Beatrice and Benedick! --just fall in love if they think that person loves them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 It happened when he was a young idiot, he told me about these things 8-9 years ago and it was at least 6 years in the past at that point and we haven't talked about it since. They really are the only reason I put a stop to the relationship back then. We really were well matched but it's that unkindness that just turned me off. My mom has been bugging me for years to marry him and just thinks I'm being to picky. I wondered if that's really the case and based on responses I'm seeing here that mirror my own thoughts I'm glad to know I'm not. I feel like it would be settling for MR. He'll do and I did feel like it would be a bit like prostitution with a lot of lying even if I was upfront about my feelings. Anyway, he's kind to wait staff and "invisible people" would have had no idea he did such horrible things in his past if he hadn't told me. If he seems to be nice to service people and such, I think I would want to explore it more deeply as far as the incident you mention. I would be especially interested in knowing if that sort of prank was common or even expected in his position. People will often do very out of character things if it is part of the culture of the organization they are in, especially something like military or police. So I would want to know how much he'd really thought about the results of what he did, what he imagined happened to the people involved, and that sort of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
allymom Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 If I felt that love would grow, then I might. I would have to have a lot of respect and friendship with him as well as valuing his other good qualities. But in reality, I would would probably wait to see if love grew, rather than marry and hope it did. I've heard that this is what happens in arranged marriages, love grows if you are lucky. I voted yes, but with these same qualifications. I think you can grow to love most anyone if you work at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) It happened when he was a young idiot, he told me about these things 8-9 years ago and it was at least 6 years in the past at that point and we haven't talked about it since. They really are the only reason I put a stop to the relationship back then. We really were well matched but it's that unkindness that just turned me off. My mom has been bugging me for years to marry him and just thinks I'm being to picky. I wondered if that's really the case and based on responses I'm seeing here that mirror my own thoughts I'm glad to know I'm not. I feel like it would be settling for MR. He'll do and I did feel like it would be a bit like prostitution with a lot of lying even if I was upfront about my feelings. Anyway, he's kind to wait staff and "invisible people" would have had no idea he did such horrible things in his past if he hadn't told me. So he did these things about 15 years ago? 15 years is a LONG TIME, especially when he was only a young man back then. He could be a completely different person now, and quite honestly, the way you've described him makes it seem like he may be a great guy now. I still think you owe it to him to discuss your concerns with him. Honestly, I also think you might be looking for an excuse not to marry him, and this is the best one you've got. I'm not saying you should marry him! I'm just wondering if "he did a few mean things 15 years ago" would matter quite as much if he was a guy that you were crazy in love with. I'm also curious as to what you'd do if you brought up the subject and it turned out that he was incredibly remorseful about it, and still feels guilty about it today. Personally, I don't think you have the slightest interest in marrying this man, and you want a good reason to justify breaking things off with him. The thing is, you don't need a reason other than, "I'm sorry, but I just don't love you." That's more than enough. My posts to this thread have been based on the idea that you were sort of 50/50 about the whole thing, and that the only thing that was really holding you back was the knowledge about the things he did 15 years ago. If that's not the case, and you really and truly don't want this guy, please don't string him along. Because if you do, you're keeping his hopes up, and are also preventing both of you from finding the right person. I hope I don't sound mean or snarky, because I really don't intend to be. :grouphug: Edited May 29, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Munchkins_mama Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I'd say yes. Here's my opinion, unpopular as it is. I believe the reason that many marriages fail today is because people lose that 'love' feeling. They believe they are no longer IN love with each other so why bother trying. A relationship that is built on respect and similar values can last longer than one where a couple is madly in love and doesn't have much else to go on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Never thought about it being bullying. It's been 20+ years since the action, it's the lack of regret/remorse that gets me. That's a red flag that you need to pay attention to. What you describe would close the door of my heart forever. Especially the lack of remorse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 That's a red flag that you need to pay attention to. What you describe would close the door of my heart forever. Especially the lack of remorse. But we have no idea if he is remorseful now, just that he wasn't remorseful several years ago: It happened when he was a young idiot, he told me about these things 8-9 years ago and it was at least 6 years in the past at that point and we haven't talked about it since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I think the longer you are with a person, you would grow to love them. But that may be just my opinion, I think it could work. I agree with this. At some point, if the person is kind to you, you are likely to feel some love. Might not be overwhelming sexual attraction, however. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Since I think of real love as a choice, not something you fall into, then yes I think I could. Yes, this too! Love IS a verb, a choice. Not a force of its own. We go with what we want to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 OK, let's cut to the chase. How much money does he have? :D Oh yeah, and is he paunchy and out of shape? :ack2: LOL The second is more important than the first. I watched Mad Men this week...that guy that wanted Joan....Ewwwwwwwwwwww! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Might not be overwhelming sexual attraction, however. Depends how good he is at it................ ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Depends how good he is at it................ ;) What a frisky little kitty you are!:lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyThreeSons Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 You would of course be expected to perform your wifely duties in the bedroom This would be the deal breaker for me. I could possibly see a marriage of convenience otherwise, but not if s*x were part of the deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 What a frisky little kitty you are!:lol::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I answered that I *would* do this, because I think love is something that grows in a relationship, not that it is a prerequisite. I also believe in choosing to love, since loving one's spouse is Biblically instructed. I'd not read the qualification though. IMO if he still laughs about pepper spraying the bedding of the homeless he is NOT a decent man and not worth anyone marrying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Never. Especially not if there were red flags. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ilovemy4kids Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I also believe in choosing to love, since loving one's spouse is Biblically instructed. IMO if he still laughs about pepper spraying the bedding of the homeless he is NOT a decent man and not worth anyone marrying. Just a side note, I answered yes for I would.... :) The bible actually instructs husbands to love their wives. But no where are wives instructed to love their husbands. They are told different instructions. Makes for a great Bible study! Anyone who has no remorse over such a cruel action is certainly not someone to marry for any reason. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabrett Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I might, if he wasn't too old or repulsive, if he was a descent looking person, close in age with me and was not abusive. It would also depend on my situation. If I was desperate to feed and house my dc and could loose my dc, then yes. If I was self sufficient, no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 The bible actually instructs husbands to love their wives. But no where are wives instructed to love their husbands. They are told different instructions. Makes for a great Bible study! Pretty familiar with the Bible here: Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, So it's not a direct instruction to love one's husband, but if the Titus 2 elder women are doing their jobs, the young women will learn to love their husbands! We're not exempt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Pretty familiar with the Bible here: Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, So it's not a direct instruction to love one's husband, but if the Titus 2 elder women are doing their jobs, the young women will learn to love their husbands! We're not exempt. But don't you think the love talked about in the Bible is more about our actions than a romantic feeling? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 I might, if he wasn't too old or repulsive, if he was a descent looking person, close in age with me and was not abusive. How about if he was just sort of old, and moderately repulsive? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 How about if he was just sort of old, and moderately repulsive? :D LOL Cat! You're cracking me up. hehehehehe :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Most of us eventually fall into a state of contentment no matter how earth shattering in love we are at the beginning of the marriage. As time progresses, our needs for other things like health, prosperity, stability, free time, social outlets, etc. can overshadow our need for knee shaking, heart melting love. Now that I'm old, I would definitely marry for those things even if I wasn't in love. But if you had asked me this in my twenties, I would have said, "no". :iagree::iagree::iagree: There is an old quote about a young man wanting a lover, a middle aged man wanting a friend, and an old man wanting a nurse. Since he lived to be 97, all the last 3 months under my mother's care, and they had a pack of kids, I'm thinking my dad lucked out in that department. When he was rather old and couldn't keep up with his big garden, I asked him how he was managing. He said, "I have a friend who comes in". My mother had taken over his garden as well as hers. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 LOL Cat! You're cracking me up. hehehehehe :lol::lol: Hey, a girl's gotta have her standards, right? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 Hey, a girl's gotta have her standards, right? ;) hehehehehehehe You're right as usual. :D East Coast sensibility in action! :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 SO.........any updates? Come on BlueTaelon, inquiring minds want to know....... Is he a keeper or are you going to toss him to the curb? "Still trying to decide" is also a valid response. :D But come on, we need an update! (And a picture of him in a kilt would be nice, too. You know, if he'll put on a kilt and pose for a picture, I'll bet a lot of the naysayers here would suddenly decide to vote in support of keeping him, so there's a real benefit for him to do it.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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