How to keep 2 year old in bed?

[meggie]

I've been spiraling more and more into a depressive funk and I'm just about to lose it on this kid. How do I keep him in his bed at night? He keeps getting up to play with toys, read books, climb the bunk bed, play with his sister, destroy the blinds. I've tried ignoring him, I've tried putting him back a bazillion times. I'm almost tempted to buckle him into his doggy leash backpack and attach that to the bed. I know that's dangerous, so I won't, but what else is there to do? :crying: Feeling like such a terrible mommy right now, so if you could be kind, I'd appreciate it.

[LillyMama]

This is NOT a suggestion... But I had friends, by all accounts FABULOUS parents, who ended up duct-taping their kid's arms to his side. Seriously. The older brother and younger sister were never an issue, but that middle son gave them fits.

 

I say that not as advice but maybe as encouragement that you'll get through it. That child is now 7 and sleeps, duct-tape free, perfectly fine in his own room every night. ;)

 

ETA- when I used to catch my kids playing with something when they should be in bed, I would take it away. This had moderate results. I heard a Love and Logic mom at MOPS one time say, "You can make your kids go to bed, but you cannot make them sleep. So come up with behaviors you're okay with." She suggested a pile of books at the foot of the bed. The kids can lay in bed and "read" but they cannot get out of bed. We've since done this and it works better. Sometimes my kids don't get as much sleep as they should, but I spend less time traipsing up and down the stairs to get them back into bed.

[justamouse]

Tuck him in and tell him the story about the monster under the bed and how he cannot get out because it will lick his toes till he pees his pants.

 

Seriously? If I were you I'd take him into bed with me.

 

But I have a six year old who is in bed with us by most mornings.:D

[T'smom]

Well, I don't know if this is the best suggestion, but what we had to do (when our dd was about 18 months) was make her room completely safe and totally baby-proofed, then put one of those baby-proof things on the door knob so she couldn't get out of her room. After she goes to sleep, we open the door so that she can come get in bed with us if she wakes in the middle of the night. It didn't feel like the safest thing to do, but I was at the end of my rope. If it helps, my ped told me that one of her friends took the child's doorknob off and turned it around so that the child could be locked in. I KNOW that sounds terrible- but it's safer than them roaming the house when you don't know what they're doing.

[HSMom2One]

I used to have to lay down with dd, read the bedtime story, say the prayers, then turn the light out and say goodnight. I'd stay there on the bed with her until she fell asleep. Then I'd VERY gently get up and leave the room. 95% of the time it worked, and yes, I got tired of doing it. But it saved me time and trouble in the long run. Eventually I started moving away from the bed, but would wait in the dark until dd fell asleep. She knew I was there with her and felt comfortable. Then after a while of doing that, I'd say good night, turn out the light, kiss her goodnight and wait for her to fall asleep, but by then I'd be closer to the door. Then at the door. Then finally we got to the point where the light went out and I kissed her goodnight and left. It was a slow process, but finally was what worked for her.

 

On the other 5% of the time occasions dd ended up coming to bed with me.

 

Yes, I am a patient woman.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

P.S. If I'd thought of the duct tape thing on those 5% of the time occasions, I would have done it.

[blondeviolin]

We lay with our toddlers until they're asleep. It works.

[meggie]

The older brother and younger sister were never an issue, but that middle son gave them fits.

 

 

ETA- when I used to catch my kids playing with something when they should be in bed, I would take it away. This had moderate results. I heard a Love and Logic mom at MOPS one time say, "You can make your kids go to bed, but you cannot make them sleep. So come up with behaviors you're okay with." She suggested a pile of books at the foot of the bed. The kids can lay in bed and "read" but they cannot get out of bed. We've since done this and it works better. Sometimes my kids don't get as much sleep as they should, but I spend less time traipsing up and down the stairs to get them back into bed.

 

 

Yes, this describes him exactly. The other two are so mellow, but he has always been much more...needy, I guess you could say. That sounds mean, but I don't know how else to put it. He's cute as all get out, but man is he a hard kid to parent.

 

I have tried telling him he could stay in bed and read, but the problem is 1) he shares the room with the other two, so the light can't stay on forever because they need to sleep as well and 2) he's two. :glare: Books hold his attention for about 3 minutes, then he's up and wandering around again.

 

I guess I'll have to go with the staying in there. I'm not sure how DD will take that, she always gets upset when I go in there and lay down with him. Who would think that a baby would get jealous? :001_huh: Aye, kids!

[Little Nyssa]

:grouphug: This is really hard! I recall those times!

 

Here are some ideas...

1. Keep him really busy during the day, make sure he gets plenty of exercise and fresh air and sunlight and playtime.

2. Lay down with him for a bit.

3. rearrange sleeping area so you can hold his hand and your DD's hand at the same time (I have done this) while they both go to sleep

4. experiment with putting him to bed earlier or later

5. experiment with getting him up earlier or later

6. reward chart

7. arrange some free time for yourself so you can take a nap!!!

[KidsHappen]

This is NOT a suggestion... But I had friends, by all accounts FABULOUS parents, who ended up duct-taping their kid's arms to his side.

 

I was going to say this but I was joking. My kids all still slept with me at two so I don't really know.

[Lily_Grace]

We had to sweep the room with my oldest. Toys got put in a cabinet that was baby-locked at night. Books were kept in the main room. Nothing was available after bedtime except the bed. After that, we hit on the idea of audiobooks. As long as he laid in bed the story would keep going. If he got out of bed the story would be stopped and I would take up my position right outside the door to immediately put him back each and every time.

 

With the youngest, he's still in a crib, but we're already starting to get him ready for a bed. His crib was designed to take a child from newborn (a giant rocking cradle) to toddler (rungs to take out to make a "door") to child (top bars slide down to form bed rails). At this point we have the small doorway in the crib and I sit and read to him every night - not picture books. He gets Alice or Winnie the Pooh or something like it with about a half-hour's worth of read time. On dad's night he gets Jim Weiss. :lol: So far it's working. I'm hoping we'll have a smooth transition to going all the way to a bed.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Super nanny method?

 

The first time you put him diwn, do your bedtime routine (create one if you dont have), say good night, walk out.

 

When he gets up, gently pick him up, say i love you, its time for bed and put him back.

 

The second time he gets up just say its time for bed and gently put him back.

 

The third (and every time following), gently put him back with no talking or eye contact.

 

If you lose it (btdt) and start yelling, begging, etc, you basically have to start over.

 

Always run him crazy during the day, make sure he is tired.

 

Another option (after asking the dr) is to use a low dose of melatonin to help him settle into a different routine and go to sleep.

[SewingMom2many]

My 2yo doesn't stay in bed. His room is almost empty now because we moved the toys to the play room so we just put a door knob thing on the inside so he can't get out, installed a dim bulb so he can look at books and eventually he falls asleep.

 

My 3yo doesn't stay in bed either and shares a room with his older brother who is 6. I have the 6yo lay on the couch for 30-45 minutes reading while 3yo falls asleep or they go crazy in their room together. I have the 3yo's room set up the same way - no toys, dim light, lots of books.

 

I do leave the doors open at first but if they decide to run into each others' rooms I shut the doors and the reading light goes off. My 3yo can remove the door knob covers so if he decides to run out of his room I end up sitting in the hallway reading. Some nights I give up and take one or two of them to bed with me because I'm so tired I can't do it anymore.

 

I've tried not giving them naps, making sure they have plenty of outside play, moving bedtime forward and back, but there just seem to be days when they can't get to sleep.

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

This is what we have done with our 8 children, who are now over the age of 2 (our youngest is 3).

 

First, I make sure that my toddler has a busy day with a good routine. Naps should be shortened to less than 2 hours. A good bedtime routine concluding with a storybook, oral story, and prayer helps (this should not take longer than 10 minutes).

 

It is then that I tell my little one that they are to stay in their beds. I sit outside their bedroom door with a book or other paperwork, or laundry to fold. If they get out of bed, I swat their leg and say "stay in bed." It is not a violent thing or dramatic. A simple swat and quiet rebuke is enough. Depending on the child's will or disposition, this usually takes a few nights of practice. My sitting outside their room is usually motivation enough for them to stay in bed and go to sleep.

 

Not everyone here would agree with me, but it has worked for us and so far our children are quite normal and stellar individuals. This all has to be done in love, so if you feel like you are not capable of administering swats with control, don't do it. Maybe lying down with the little one is a better idea if this is so. However, I always end up falling asleep myself and then my night is finished. But if you need extra sleep this would be benefiical to you.

 

Make sure you are tying those relational strings with your 2 year old throughout the day. They are more likely to be motivated to obey you if you are on good terms with them.

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

[Occasionally]

My oldest DS would not stay in bed until I took out the nightlight and made the room completely dark.

 

It took a very long time until I thought to do that :001_huh:

[Kathryn]

DS1 had all possible distractions removed and the light went out when we left the room until he learned to stay in bed. We also turned the doorknob around so the lock was on the outside. We also taught him that he couldn't come out until the first number on the clock was 7 because he started waking for the day around 4 when he was two.

 

DS2 we lie down with until he falls asleep but plan on stopping that next month when we get back from vacation.

[chicagoshannon]

Does he still nap! If so maybe it's time to ditch the nap.

[Laura Corin]

Super nanny method?

 

The first time you put him diwn, do your bedtime routine (create one if you dont have), say good night, walk out.

 

When he gets up, gently pick him up, say i love you, its time for bed and put him back.

 

The second time he gets up just say its time for bed and gently put him back.

 

The third (and every time following), gently put him back with no talking or eye contact.

 

If you lose it (btdt) and start yelling, begging, etc, you basically have to start over.

 

Always run him crazy during the day, make sure he is tired.

 

Laura

[Mama Geek]

We are in a 1 room hotel room for now while dh is working and this has started really working well in the last couple of weeks. Our routine is to put dd in her pj's, brush her teeth, bring some books to bed with us and read her a couple of stories. We then turn out the lights and let her lay on a pillow between us for a few minutes. We then ask if she is ready to get in her bed. She crawls out climbs up her stool and into her pack and play where she has stuffed animals and a couple of books and she is happy and goes to sleep fairly quickly. She is only 22 months, but it seems to be working for now.

[meggie]

 

With the youngest, he's still in a crib, but we're already starting to get him ready for a bed. His crib was designed to take a child from newborn (a giant rocking cradle) to toddler (rungs to take out to make a "door") to child (top bars slide down to form bed rails). At this point we have the small doorway in the crib and I sit and read to him every night - not picture books. He gets Alice or Winnie the Pooh or something like it with about a half-hour's worth of read time. On dad's night he gets Jim Weiss. :lol: So far it's working. I'm hoping we'll have a smooth transition to going all the way to a bed.

 

Thank you, this is a good suggestion. I will try reading to them and see if that will help him calm down and drift off.

This is what we have done with our 8 children, who are now over the age of 2 (our youngest is 3).

 

First, I make sure that my toddler has a busy day with a good routine. Naps should be shortened to less than 2 hours. A good bedtime routine concluding with a storybook, oral story, and prayer helps (this should not take longer than 10 minutes).

 

It is then that I tell my little one that they are to stay in their beds. I sit outside their bedroom door with a book or other paperwork, or laundry to fold.

 

Make sure you are tying those relational strings with your 2 year old throughout the day. They are more likely to be motivated to obey you if you are on good terms with them.

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

I think he has a pretty good routine and I think I've got the relationship in a good place. He's my child who always wants to snuggle, so we snuggle all the time: doing school with the oldest, watching a movie, reading books, just sitting on the couch.

 

My oldest DS would not stay in bed until I took out the nightlight and made the room completely dark.

 

It took a very long time until I thought to do that :001_huh:

 

They don't have any night lights, but there's a lamppost outside their window in the neighboring apartment complex that is extremely bright.

 

Does he still nap! If so maybe it's time to ditch the nap.

 

No he doesn't still nap. He had gotten to the point after every single nap, he'd just cry for half an hour. I know after I take an afternoon nap, I wake up all fuzzy and with a headache, so I wonder if that was happening with him? :confused: Then he wouldn't fall asleep until 3 then 4 then 5 and sleep way too late. And be up playing until 11. So I took it out. He's tired by 7. Yesterday at 7 he put his head down on the couch and just stood like that for a few minutes, so I told him to go up to bed. I was still feeding baby girl her dinner. After a few minutes he came out and said he wasn't tired anymore. Then he was up until 930 playing.

 

I've been sleeping in their room with them. The two little ones seem to sleep better with me there to shush them or hug them when they wake up. They go back to sleep without crying so much. They've also been sleeping in til 8 or 830, which is nice.

[*********]

Tuck him in and tell him the story about the monster under the bed and how he cannot get out because it will lick his toes till he pees his pants.

 

That's HILARIOUS. :D

 

We lay with our toddlers until they're asleep. It works.

 

Yeah, I did this.

[BMW]

One more idea...

 

One of my sons was like this. If he thought I was by the door, he'd stay put, but if he thought I had left the door area, he was up and busy...

 

So, we'd go through the bedtime routine and I grabbed a book and a chair and sat in the doorway having quiet time. I did not engage with him, just read my own book a while.

 

I love soothing music, too. I have such beautiful memories of playing lullaby cd's for my kids when they were young! When my grandson comes over and occasionally spends the night I am either holding him and singing, laying next to him and singing or I put on soothing music and sit next to him.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Our bedtime routine starts right after dinner and the kids go to bed at the same time every night (7pm for the 2yo). Since his body is used to going to sleep at that time he usually falls asleep easily. When he's going through a phase where he is fighting sleep (usually when he is sick or overtired) dh will sit outside the door and will go put ds back in bed over and over again whenever he hears ds out of bed and playing or if ds comes to the door (does this the most). It only happens for a few nights at the most and then he's back to sleeping. We also make sure that all of the toys are put away before bedtime so to play with something he would have to pull containers out from under the bed and take toys out. If the toys are really that big of a problem I would strongly consider keeping them somewhere else.

[Little Nyssa]

OP, I saw your post about putting him to bed after you saw him put his head down on the sofa, and then after going to bed he would not stay there.

If it were my kid, he would not put his head down on the sofa til he was already quite tired, and then by the time we did bedtime routine he would have waked up again and we would have lost the moment-- he'd be awake for hours. He would have got his second wind.

I wonder if it would work to try to put him to bed earlier-- before he gives those signs of being sleepy. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it seems like sleepiness comes in 'waves' and if you miss the first wave, it can take hours for another one to come along!

Mine do best at going to sleep easily if we start their bedtime routines before they are even sleepy. If I wait for subtle signs like crabbiness, rubbing eyes, not interested in what we're doing anymore, we are pretty much sunk.

I think I got this from a sleep book, but I can't remember which one-- maybe it was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

[meggie]

OP, I saw your post about putting him to bed after you saw him put his head down on the sofa, and then after going to bed he would not stay there.

If it were my kid, he would not put his head down on the sofa til he was already quite tired, and then by the time we did bedtime routine he would have waked up again and we would have lost the moment-- he'd be awake for hours. He would have got his second wind.

I wonder if it would work to try to put him to bed earlier-- before he gives those signs of being sleepy. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it seems like sleepiness comes in 'waves' and if you miss the first wave, it can take hours for another one to come along!

Mine do best at going to sleep easily if we start their bedtime routines before they are even sleepy. If I wait for subtle signs like crabbiness, rubbing eyes, not interested in what we're doing anymore, we are pretty much sunk.

I think I got this from a sleep book, but I can't remember which one-- maybe it was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

 

I have thought about that too. I will give it a try. Without his nap, he's getting tired and cranky in the evenings.

[EKS]

I kept my son in a crib with a tent on top until he was 3. The tent attached in an *extremely* complicated way and he never even tried to take it off.

[saraha]

Tuck him in and tell him the story about the monster under the bed and how he cannot get out because it will lick his toes till he pees his pants.

 

A woman my husband works with told her son almost the same thing, and he stayed in his bed. He was like four when they finally told him the truth. She must have been very desparate.

[SewingMom2many]

OP, I saw your post about putting him to bed after you saw him put his head down on the sofa, and then after going to bed he would not stay there.

If it were my kid, he would not put his head down on the sofa til he was already quite tired, and then by the time we did bedtime routine he would have waked up again and we would have lost the moment-- he'd be awake for hours. He would have got his second wind.

I wonder if it would work to try to put him to bed earlier-- before he gives those signs of being sleepy. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it seems like sleepiness comes in 'waves' and if you miss the first wave, it can take hours for another one to come along!

Mine do best at going to sleep easily if we start their bedtime routines before they are even sleepy. If I wait for subtle signs like crabbiness, rubbing eyes, not interested in what we're doing anymore, we are pretty much sunk.

I think I got this from a sleep book, but I can't remember which one-- maybe it was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

This is really interesting! It's what happens to my kids... they get sleepy and start to fall asleep out in the living room and by the time I get them in bed they are wide awake again. I want to learn more about this. I'm definitely going to check the book, I hope it's the right one.

[Luanne]

and have worked almost exclusively with toddlers. I have met very few toddlers who were ready to sleep in a bed. I think (just my opinion) is that the problem is trying to make a two year old stay in a bed in the first place. I was fortunate that my daughter had short legs and couldn't get out of her crib so that is where she stayed until she was about 3 1/2. They do make tents (that someone already mentioned) to keep toddlers in the crib.

[justamouse]

That's HILARIOUS. :D

 

 

 

Thank you for getting my joke!

 

People at my house say that stuff straight faced, and I always forget how literally we can be taken. :D

[LillyMama]

This is really interesting! It's what happens to my kids... they get sleepy and start to fall asleep out in the living room and by the time I get them in bed they are wide awake again. I want to learn more about this. I'm definitely going to check the book, I hope it's the right one.

 

Are you kidding? This still happens to ME, and I'm, well, older than I'd like to admit on the Internet.

 

I agree with the advice above- try an earlier bedtime, like 6:30pm, if he's already dozy by 7.

 

And, like another poster suggested about her two sons, see if you can send them to bed at different times. My daughter likes to have her best friend sleep over, but the friend falls asleep easier than my daughter, who will keep her up. So I'll pull my daughter out of the room to snuggle with me until her friend falls asleep, then I send her back in. This was per the friend's request. ;)

 

But I feel your pain. I've spent many a night over the years sleeping on the floor and in beds with wiggly kids. I'm hoping I'll look back on this and remember the snuggles more than the sleeplessness. I'm already getting there, maybe in a few more years I'll remember them as only positive and then become that annoying older woman who's always telling exhausted young moms "Treasure this time, it goes to fast!" :tongue_smilie:

[T'smom]

and have worked almost exclusively with toddlers. I have met very few toddlers who were ready to sleep in a bed. I think (just my opinion) is that the problem is trying to make a two year old stay in a bed in the first place. I was fortunate that my daughter had short legs and couldn't get out of her crib so that is where she stayed until she was about 3 1/2. They do make tents (that someone already mentioned) to keep toddlers in the crib.

 

Well, my dd doesn't have short legs and she could climb out in 1.5 seconds by the time she was 18 months. I researched the crib tents and found several places that said they were unsafe. Keeping her in the crib was no longer an option- it was too dangerous.

 

I also tried the laying with them until they fall asleep. HA! Even if I lay there and read my own book and completely ignored her, she would flop around like a fish, poke me, pull my hair, (not maliciously- just in an exploratory way), blow raspberries on my cheek, find my belly button and say "bobo", point at her belly button and say "bobo"- my mere presence was way too stimulating for her. (And this was after she nursed and supposedly full of calming hormones!)

 

Anyway, OP, I hope one of these suggestions works for you and you get some rest soon!!!!

[meggie]

and have worked almost exclusively with toddlers. I have met very few toddlers who were ready to sleep in a bed. I think (just my opinion) is that the problem is trying to make a two year old stay in a bed in the first place. I was fortunate that my daughter had short legs and couldn't get out of her crib so that is where she stayed until she was about 3 1/2. They do make tents (that someone already mentioned) to keep toddlers in the crib.

 

I know that it's part of the problem. I tried to keep him in the crib as long as possible. The problem was DD was in our room in a pack and play and would wake up ALL. THE. TIME. Every time we rolled over, every time we coughed, it was awful. So she had to be moved into their room. There just isn't enough room in there for two cribs and a twin bed, so we had to do bunk beds. He's so crazy, believe me, I would have kept him in a crib til he was 4 if I could!

 

Thank you for getting my joke!

 

People at my house say that stuff straight faced, and I always forget how literally we can be taken. :D

 

It wouldn't work anyway. DH didn't want junk getting shoved and lost under the bed so he built the frame without any legs. The only thing under his mattress is the floor. :tongue_smilie:

 

Are you kidding? This still happens to ME, and I'm, well, older than I'd like to admit on the Internet.

 

I agree with the advice above- try an earlier bedtime, like 6:30pm, if he's already dozy by 7.

 

And, like another poster suggested about her two sons, see if you can send them to bed at different times. My daughter likes to have her best friend sleep over, but the friend falls asleep easier than my daughter, who will keep her up. So I'll pull my daughter out of the room to snuggle with me until her friend falls asleep, then I send her back in. This was per the friend's request. ;)

 

But I feel your pain. I've spent many a night over the years sleeping on the floor and in beds with wiggly kids. I'm hoping I'll look back on this and remember the snuggles more than the sleeplessness. I'm already getting there, maybe in a few more years I'll remember them as only positive and then become that annoying older woman who's always telling exhausted young moms "Treasure this time, it goes to fast!" :tongue_smilie:

 

I've tried putting them in at separate times, someone usually wakes up though. Whenever DD is the one sleeping, Digby can't be quiet enough when he goes in. If Digby is the one sleeping, DD hollers and yells until he wakes up. She's used to playing with him. :banghead: Ah kids, so cute yet so incredibly frustrating. I'm sure it'll get worked out someday, somehow. I remember an adjustment when Digby was an infant and first moved in with Pigby. They were staying up til 11 on some nights. (insert Megan pulling hair out)

[justamouse]

 

It wouldn't work anyway. DH didn't want junk getting shoved and lost under the bed so he built the frame without any legs. The only thing under his mattress is the floor. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Floors are of no consequence to toe licking monsters. :D there's an invisible trap, you know.

[Kathryn]

Well' date=' my dd doesn't have short legs and she could climb out in 1.5 seconds by the time she was 18 months. I researched the crib tents and found several places that said they were unsafe. Keeping her in the crib was no longer an option- it was too dangerous.[/quote']

 

:iagree: and my first was out of the crib at 13 months, my second at 15 months. I, myself, was out at 11 months. The pediatrician told my mom to put a mattress on the floor and take everything out of my room.

[Annie]

I agree with the advice above- try an earlier bedtime, like 6:30pm, if he's already dozy by 7.

 

 

:iagree:

 

My new two year old doesn't nap, and he's usually fast asleep by 6:35. Bath starts about 5:40, then pjs, teeth, story, poem, song and bed. The poem and song actually happen while in bed. I lay with him, and he's usually asleep in 5 ish minutes.

 

We used to have huge issues, but with the pretty precise routine and lack of nap, things are much better. We still have our nights on occasion but not regularly.

 

The early bedtime makes dinner/getting errands done in the evening more complicated, but it's what he needs for now. One important thing I read in Rasing Your Spirited Child was that for kids who fight sleeping and eating routines, it's especially important to have a consistent wake up time. This was hard for me since I wanted to sleep in when I could, but it has made a big difference in helping his body be tired at a predictable time. Before I would have no idea when he would get tired, and if I missed the (short) window, he would be up forever.