Have you read this?

[Twilight Woods]

It's a bullying situation in NY involving K'er/inappropriate touching and how the school is taking care of it.

 

 

http://www.iambarkingmad.com/spotted_dick_and_other_mu/2012/05/whenbullywins.html

[nova147]

How absolutely awful. That poor child.

 

I wonder what the bully's parents think about the whole thing.

[TXMomof4]

We have been involved with a very, very similar situation at our school here. There is one boy (5th grade) who is sexually assaulting girls and NOTHING has happened. He's been suspended a few times for a day or two, put in ISS - but the other children are not protected in any way. When he touched my daughter they sent them both to the office and I was not notified at all. The only reason I knew anything about it was because dd has very tender conscience and came to me in tears because she had to go to the office. They took a statement from her but she thought she was in trouble. I pulled her from school the next day. This was the boy's second offense.

 

Since then he has followed girls into the bathroom, held one girl down on the bus and tried to get in her pants, and announced to everyone who tried to stop them that 'soon he'd be raping girls.

 

I've talked to the principal, the superintendant, the social work office, the dept. of family services - basically because he is 10 it isn't considered sexual assault. It's child on child and without evidence of sexual abuse by an adult nothing will happen.

 

My oldest dd is the only one left at the school and she is in a different part of the school than the boy. She is coming home next year.

 

It is obscene to me that there is NOTHING that will be done to protect the other children. No one seems to understand wny I'm so upset by the situation when my dd isn't in his class anymore. The fact is that I only removed one child to safety. There are 25 other children there being harmed by him on a regular basis, but his "right" to education trumps their right to safety. It makes me sick.

[TXMomof4]

How absolutely awful. That poor child.

 

I wonder what the bully's parents think about the whole thing.

 

We've been told that the boy's parents involved in our situation have said "Boys will be boys."

 

How disgusting is that?

[Word Nerd]

It's terrible.

Edited May 2, 2012 by WordGirl

[T'smom]

That is disgusting. That poor little girl. We are in serious need of laws that protect victims- someone on the blog commented that an adult woman would NEVER EVER EVER have to spend the day with a co-worker who attacked her. Why on earth do we expect children to? I know he's only a K'er- but really, the victim's rights should trump the perpetrator's.

 

When I was reading the blog post and the teacher/principal insisted that the two kids would be separated- I KNEW that wasn't going to happen. How on earth can you keep two kids in the same room and insure that they are never within reach of each other? It would be impossible. The teacher can't focus completely on that all the time. She has to attend to other kids. There was NO excuse for the teacher sending them both to the office unattended- but I do feel sorry for her. There is just no way she can be teaching the kids while policing this situation. This girl is NOT his only victim.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I think if I were getting that kind of reaction from the principal and superintendent, I would not only be hounding the police to do something about it, I might even call the local news channel and have them investigate. Freaking ridiculous!

 

And I'm sorry, but why would you ever let your child go back to a place where she has been assaulted- TWICE?!?!?

[nova147]

We've been told that the boy's parents involved in our situation have said "Boys will be boys."

 

How disgusting is that?

 

Are you serious? In what world does "boys will be boys" include sexual assault and threats of rape? At our house, it refers to the general boisterousness and messiness that seems to characterize young boys.

 

That is the attitude that leads to men who abuse their wives, women who feel it's ok to be beaten, the philosophy that rape victims were "asking for it", and all kinds of other gender issues in our society. I strongly disagree with the notion that gender differences are completely learned - I think there are strong differences in boys and girls regardless of their early environments. But those differences don't make one gender superior or inferior, just different. Tolerating anti-social behaviors in children because "boys will be boys" is ludicrous.

 

I'm so sorry your family has been through such an awful ordeal. :grouphug:

[Halcyon]

This is so sad, but I am not surprised. I do think the mother needs to keep her daughter home. I really, really do. I know she feels she can't homeschool, but I am sure many of the moms on this board who came to homeschooling reluctantly felt that way too at one point. She has to make homeschooling seem like the better, more fun choice for her daughter's sake, not as some sort of punishment.

 

Her number 1 priority needs to be her daughter's emotional and physical safety, not changing the school culture or state laws or getting Vlad out of the classroom. Her daughter's safety is severely compromised at the school. Period. No way in hell my child would be sent back to that school.

[mom2scouts]

This story made me so angry that I returned to the blog today to see if there was any update. She posted another blog page about how the school won't tell her anything. :mad: http://www.iambarkingmad.com/spotted_dick_and_other_mu/2012/05/there-are-no-winners-only-losers-.html

[SweetPea]

This is so upsetting. I would immediately pull my dc out of the school.

 

My friend's son was assaulted by a fellow student in first grade by a fellow first grader. This happened at a private school. Fast forward to 3rd grade and the "bully" has done inappropriate things to 3 other boys.

 

The school does nothing :willy_nilly: The principal said that nothing really happened......boys are boys.......and had it been a girl it would be different.

[Kirch]

That poor baby. I'm not one to advocate suing, but I would be seriously tempted to look into suing the school for failing to keep my daughter safe. And she would never set foot in that school again.

[TXMomof4]

Are you serious? In what world does "boys will be boys" include sexual assault and threats of rape? At our house, it refers to the general boisterousness and messiness that seems to characterize young boys.

 

That is the attitude that leads to men who abuse their wives, women who feel it's ok to be beaten, the philosophy that rape victims were "asking for it", and all kinds of other gender issues in our society. I strongly disagree with the notion that gender differences are completely learned - I think there are strong differences in boys and girls regardless of their early environments. But those differences don't make one gender superior or inferior, just different. Tolerating anti-social behaviors in children because "boys will be boys" is ludicrous.

 

I'm so sorry your family has been through such an awful ordeal. :grouphug:

 

The thing I REALLY don't understand about this - when a child acts out in a sexual manner EVERYONE says its a sign of abuse in the home. The teachers and principals are mandated reporters. Doesn't this type of situation require some sort of investigation into the family of the attacker? We were even told just to wait until next year - then he will be able to be charged with a crime. :confused: So a few months difference make it a crime? It all just makes me want to throw up.

[SkateLeft]

And I'm sorry, but why would you ever let your child go back to a place where she has been assaulted- TWICE?!?!?

 

Agreed.

 

I think it's easy for us to think "Just pull her out of school!" but I know the reality is that not every parent thinks they can do this. Frankly, I wouldn't care if I thought I could homeschool or not. I would not put my child back into that environment under any circumstance. I'd figure that even if I failed horribly at homeschooling, it would still be worth the price of my child's safety and innocence.

 

The other thing that I don't get is WHY they insist she stay with Mrs. Teacher. I don't care how much my child loves a teacher or how beneficial that teacher has been. If the teacher failed to protect the child, as she did when she sent them down to the front office without an escort, then I'd have no issue with my child switching classrooms. Her failure to protect the child indicates that she doesn't think it's a serious problem, and is probably just paying lip service to the parents.

[Anne in CA]

This makes me sick, but is not surprising. My cousin pulled her 13yo ds out of school in Bend because of a similar incident. Again, he was the one punished although a homosexual student had been fondeling him for several weeks and no teachers cared. Finally my cousin's son pushed the student harassing him and was suspended. When my cousin went in to tell the principal how unhappy she was over the way the whole situation had been handled she was told that pushing a homosexual student was a hate crime and that her son needed counseling to continue school. The student who was pushed was not hurt in any way, he never claimed to be, he never denied rubbing my cousin's ds and many people saw the incidents, but the school insisted the whole thing was the fault of the victem they had refused to protect! AGGG.

[Lisbeth]

I think if I were getting that kind of reaction from the principal and superintendent, I would not only be hounding the police to do something about it, I might even call the local news channel and have them investigate. Freaking ridiculous!

 

And I'm sorry, but why would you ever let your child go back to a place where she has been assaulted- TWICE?!?!?

 

This. Part of this is a huge parental FAIL.

[clarkacademy]

The thing I REALLY don't understand about this - when a child acts out in a sexual manner EVERYONE says its a sign of abuse in the home. The teachers and principals are mandated reporters. Doesn't this type of situation require some sort of investigation into the family of the attacker? We were even told just to wait until next year - then he will be able to be charged with a crime. :confused: So a few months difference make it a crime? It all just makes me want to throw up.

 

I don't understand this at all. When my son was 6 we tried school for a few weeks until another boy grabbed me sons privates in a bathroom. BOTH children were taken to office and authorities called right away. CPS did an investigation on both families even though technically my son was the victim.

[*Inna*]

This is terrible. My heart is breaking for this little girl. :(

[amo_mea_filiis.]

This is insane! There is nothing in ny sped law that prevents the school from doing something with this boy, assuming he has an IEP. No IEP and he should have been suspended and sent to another school. With an IEP he still could be sent to another school for kids with emotional problems.

 

I do not understand why this mother left her daughter there after the first incident. Why is there a fondness for the teacher who did not notice incident 1 and then sent the kids unsupervised to the office after incident 2?!

 

If either of these kids were mine, they would have been pulled after incident 1.

 

I wonder if "Vlad's" parents are terrible or if the school downplayed the incident to them (i have seen this too many times).

[angela in ohio]

I think parents need to know that things like this DO happen in schools. The privacy and needs of the offender, especially if he (or, much less likely, she) has special needs, take priority over the safety of the remaining students. That's the way the system IS set up; it's not a breakdown of the system. :glare: Everything is set up to protect 'Vlad," not 'Gaby.'

Edited May 4, 2012 by angela in ohio

[applethyme]

I also wonder why the mom kept sending the little girl back? When will enough really be enough? after the 3rd, 4th 5th incident? Obviously the school is not able (or willing) to keep the children separated. The first incident would have meant my daughter never returned to that school.

[TXMomof4]

I think parents need to know that things like this DO happen in schools. The privacy and needs of the offender, especially if he (or, much less likely, she) has special needs, take priority over the safety of the remaining students. That's the way the system IS set up; it's not a breakdown of the system. :glare: Everything is set up to protect 'Vlad," not 'Gaby.'

 

:iagree: This was the first time any of my kids were in school. We felt 'safe' because it's a school on post so in theory we thought there would be some military oversight of the school. However, it isn't a DOD school and the county schools are notoriously bad. The protection of the administration extends to the highest level. DD's teacher is facing a lot of problems because she tried to go around the principal and get some help for her class. Serious problems for her. I'm doing everything I can to help her, but again, the idea is I should have no issue since I pulled my child.

 

This is something that really gets me up in arms - I would never have believed the situation was so real - sexual assault in the school with no action - until I lived it and saw other children living with it. It also reinforces my decision to keep the kids home. This little boy (and he is little - I would NEVER in a million years suspect this sweet looking little boy of this type of behavior) has managed to terrorize an entire school and nothing is occuring to prevent it or to help him.

[Hockey Mom]

I'm sure she sent her DD back in an effort to keep her DD's life as normal as possible after this trauma. Is it something I would do? Probably not. But I have the benefit of knowing that homeschooling isn't as daunting as it appears.

 

I left her a comment, with a link to this forum. I hope she comes. I hope she's able to build her sweet little girl back up. A year away, homeschooling, would do wonders in helping her to achieve that.

 

ETA: I also feel bad for 'Vlad'. A six year old boy learned that behavior somewhere. I hope he gets some help too.

[Parrothead]

I think if I were getting that kind of reaction from the principal and superintendent, I would not only be hounding the police to do something about it, I might even call the local news channel and have them investigate. Freaking ridiculous!

 

And I'm sorry, but why would you ever let your child go back to a place where she has been assaulted- TWICE?!?!?

:iagree: This is what bugs me the most. Sure, you don't think you can homeschool. Send the kid to private school. Even if it means getting a second job to pay for it. Or move. Move to a different district. Forcing your small child to deal with what is basically something an adult has a hard time processing is ludicrous.

[kwg]

 

ETA: I also feel bad for 'Vlad'. A six year old boy learned that behavior somewhere. I hope he gets some help too.

 

 

When I taught first grade I had a little boy in my class who had a "shadow". Wherever he went, so did the grown up. SOunds like the school should have pushed for this. The school I taught in- that principal would have.

 

fwiw, I hated the whole shadow thing :tongue_smilie: but in this situation it seems necessary. What about the other children still in the class?!

[mommymilkies]

The comments on that blog post about how "homeschooling is not the answer, you just need to keep fighting!" are sickening. Yes, let's keep a child in a class where they are being assaulted...why again? I just don't get it. I would NEVER send my kids back to a place where they were being assaulted-especially without the school doing anything about it and it continuing. There is really no excuse for that. I know so many people (including my own) who send their kids to school even though they are mistreated and bullied and assaulted but think the right thing is just to let the kid toughen up and live through it. It makes me sick.

[clarkacademy]

The comments on that blog post about how "homeschooling is not the answer, you just need to keep fighting!" are sickening. Yes, let's keep a child in a class where they are being assaulted...why again? I just don't get it. I would NEVER send my kids back to a place where they were being assaulted-especially without the school doing anything about it and it continuing. There is really no excuse for that. I know so many people (including my own) who send their kids to school even though they are mistreated and bullied and assaulted but think the right thing is just to let the kid toughen up and live through it. It makes me sick.

 

:iagree:100 times over!! I would cry everyday they left

[Hockey Mom]

The comments on that blog post about how "homeschooling is not the answer, you just need to keep fighting!" are sickening. Yes, let's keep a child in a class where they are being assaulted...why again? I just don't get it. I would NEVER send my kids back to a place where they were being assaulted-especially without the school doing anything about it and it continuing. There is really no excuse for that. I know so many people (including my own) who send their kids to school even though they are mistreated and bullied and assaulted but think the right thing is just to let the kid toughen up and live through it. It makes me sick.

 

:iagree:

 

I read more on her blog today. It sounds like she (Mom) had an abusive first marriage. I'm NOT EXCUSING why she's sending her DD back into that school, but maybe that is why she feels she has limited options wrt sending her DD's educational options. I imagine she's feeling that same helplessness right now.

 

This woman's story has really stuck with me today. She's endured some painful things in her adult life. :(

[butterflymommy]

That poor baby. I'm not one to advocate suing, but I would be seriously tempted to look into suing the school for failing to keep my daughter safe. And she would never set foot in that school again.

 

 

Since the school could not keep her daughter safe, she might have grounds to sue to have the district pay for private school. Her only option at this point is litigation, or moving to a different zone, if she won't homeschool.

[T'smom]

I (think) I understand why she sent her dd back to school. Her dd LOVES it and LOVES Mrs. Teacher- if she pulled her out, her dd would feel like she was being punished, that on some level it's her fault. I think she even feels that switching classrooms is making her daughter feel punished. IMO, that CANNOT be allowed to happen. The girl cannot feel like she's responsible or that she's being punished. If she does- she may not tell her mom if something else happened. And (again- IMO) the emotional scars from feeling like this is her fault would be worse than the emotional scars from having her "personal space bubble" broken. That said, I would have her out in a New York second. But I would tell her multiple times a day that it was to protect her and not to take her away from something she loved. I would go so far out of my way to make homeschooling her preference, it's not funny. We'd being going to the waterpark every day. I would do EVERYTHING I could to make it feel like being taken out of school was a reward and not a punishment.....but I'm just not sure it would work. She might still feel like it's her fault or that she's done something wrong.

[mommymilkies]

Yes, but it's not a healthy or safe environment. I can't imagine the father would want her to stay in that situation, either. They don't even have to homeschool, but there are other options like private school. As for the child feeling like it was her fault, that is common with victims. She needs proper counseling and for her to know that her parents will protect her and love her no matter what. They will keep her safe. She needs to know that it is NOT ok to stay in a dangerous situation because you like part of it-think about every abusive relationship you've ever known "He doesn't want to hit me, I know he loves me, but I can't bear breaking his mom's heart by leaving (or what will I do for money, etc.)." Unfortunately, that's just life. She has to learn how to cope with this. It is far more harmful for her to stay in this situation knowing that nobody can/will help or protect her because of bureaucracy.

[scrappyhappymama]

This entire story makes me very angry. I don't even think I can comment rationally on it. I'll say only this. If that was my child, she'd never step into that school again. Ever.

[snowbeltmom]

This is so sad, but I am not surprised. I do think the mother needs to keep her daughter home. I really, really do. {snip}

Her number 1 priority needs to be her daughter's emotional and physical safety, not changing the school culture or state laws or getting Vlad out of the classroom. Her daughter's safety is severely compromised at the school. Period. No way in hell my child would be sent back to that school.

:iagree:

 

This story made me so angry. This little girl is being tramatized with possible long-term mental health issues and the adults are not protecting her.

 

Yet, reading the comments, the dreaded S word reared its ugly head again, "- I know you could home school, but I think Gaby would miss the classroom environment and the social contact with the other kids. I know that coops exist out there where kids get together for various lessons or physical education, but I don't think it compares with being in a classroom environment."

 

I will agree with that comment on one point: homeschooling coops do not compare to the classroom environment - we wouldn't put up with that garbage.

[Hockey Mom]

 

 

I will agree with that comment on one point: homeschooling coops do not compare to the classroom environment - we wouldn't put up with that garbage.

 

You got that right!!

[Guest JenASayQua]

I (think) I understand why she sent her dd back to school. Her dd LOVES it and LOVES Mrs. Teacher- if she pulled her out' date=' her dd would feel like she was being punished, that on some level it's her fault. I think she even feels that switching classrooms is making her daughter feel punished. IMO, that CANNOT be allowed to happen. The girl cannot feel like she's responsible or that she's being punished. If she does- she may not tell her mom if something else happened. And (again- IMO) the emotional scars from feeling like this is her fault would be worse than the emotional scars from having her "personal space bubble" broken. That said, I would have her out in a New York second. But I would tell her multiple times a day that it was to protect her and not to take her away from something she loved. I would go so far out of my way to make homeschooling her preference, it's not funny. We'd being going to the waterpark every day. I would do EVERYTHING I could to make it feel like being taken out of school was a reward and not a punishment.....but I'm just not sure it would work. She might still feel like it's her fault or that she's done something wrong.[/quote']

 

Thank you for articulating what I was thinking. I think her daughter is stronger than she thinks, and she could grow so much from taking a stand now. In fact, I think it is more likely that she would grow stronger from taking a stand, than she would feel weak from changing classrooms or moving to homeschooling.

 

Perhaps her fight, and the publicity of this incident, will protect other children. Whatever choices I might have made differently from her, I would call fighting to protect other people's children a parenting win.

[scrappyhappymama]

I checked back to see how things are going for this family, and mom has started Homeschooling this week! So far, they are just homeschooling for the rest of this school year and have made no decisions about next year, other than that their daughter will NOT be returning to that school or school district!

 

http://www.iambarkingmad.com/spotted_dick_and_other_mu/