Cleaning: How Can You Make a Kid See Something They Don't See

[goldberry]

...and why aren't they seeing it????

 

This is a regular occurance but I will describe the most recent today. DD says, "I finished cleaning my room, do you want to see?" She actually invites me to see most of the time, to say, "Look how good I did." This is how I know she THINKS that she is really cleaning her room well.

 

I go into her room, which is "fairly" clean. On the floor are a few scattered trash items, some magazines that need to be put away in her magazine container, and a full trashcan that has overflowed onto the floor. Also her laundry container which contains stuffed animals and some books. I mention these things to her, which results in a totally dejected and downcast attitude. She has expressed to me before, at other times, that she feels like it will never be "just right" for me, and that I pick at everything she does.

 

We have discussed that clean means "everything picked up off the floor". She has said, totally honestly, "I thought I did pick up everything". ???? We have tried lists, and she will follow them and still miss things.

 

Her dad is the same way, but on a milder level. He "cleaned the bathroom" but didn't do the toilet. "Oh, I must have missed that." ???

 

Not sure what direction to go here. I don't want DD to feel I am picking at her, but I worry that she will move into adulthood without knowing how to clean! She looks at the room, and she honestly sees "a clean room".

 

It's so frustrating!!

[jrn]

:bigear: My dd does the same thing. Drives me crazy.

[gardening momma]

When you go to check her room and you see things on the floor, if you say to her, "Do you see anything on the floor?" does she see anything?

 

Could you say, "Ok, I'm going to vacuum now. Pick up anything you don't want the vacuum to destroy." Would that work?

[Alyeska]

Ahhh...selective vision! My kids suffer from it too. :)

 

My ds is especially prone.

 

When he tells me his room is clean, I have him go check again and tell him that anything is left out, I confiscate it for a week. He goes back in and double checks. This has always worked. I have never had to actually take anything away.

 

I also remind him to look carefully for legos because they will be vaccumed up.

[kewb]

I didn't start seeing those things until I became an adult. I think it is a normal part of development.

[ssavings]

My DH is the same way :glare:. He's that way in general - very cerebrial, lost in his head most of the time. He has the BEST of intentions but just doesn't tend to notice "details".

 

I tend to go with, "Wow, thanks! The ... (dresser, bed, whatever is particularly well done) looks great. Let's just get the ... (trash, laundry, and magazines) real fast and it'll be perfect. I really love how you.... (organized the books, whatever)."

[crazyfordlr]

Did you have a camera placed in my odd's bedroom last night?

 

I, too, have been accused of asking too much. I now try to do what ssavings does. I try to remember that the goal is a clean and tidy room. It doesn't matter how it gets that way.

[Ellie]

I wonder if she's old enough for you to look her in the eyeball and tell her that you know she knows she didn't do what she needed to do, and that you aren't going to feel like the bad guy over it, and that she needs to pick up the trash off the floor and take the stuff out of the hamper that don't belong there...

[LostSurprise]

I'm laughing inside...but only because my 9 year old spent 5 minutes telling me how incredibly he cleaned the bathroom and then I went in there and went :confused:

[bolt.]

When I go over a child cleaned room, I make a big fun drama out of it, making my hands into binoculars (those are my 'mama eyes') and making robotic 'beep-beep' sounds when I detect a trouble area and 'bing' sounds when each thing is then corrected. At the end I do all sorts of stupid and entertaining things.

 

The trick is that this is both a lot of fun *and* I only use my body language to direct my child's attention generally towards to the thing I want remedied. This leads them to try to figure it out, which improves their ability to observe what sorts of things I might think they need to do.

 

Often, when a child has 'cleaned' in a very short time, I direct them to go back and check with their 'mama eyes'. Then they do the whole binoculars and beep and bing thing themselves, and call me to check it over after they've actually given it suitable attention. This improves their skill of stepping back and being genuinely observant about the state of the room (rather than just being focused on how much they have done).

 

Child logic is that if they've done a bunch of things, the result must be "clean". It's a leap for them to realize that "clean" describes observable characteristics, not effort.

[jennsmile]

When I go over a child cleaned room, I make a big fun drama out of it, making my hands into binoculars (those are my 'mama eyes') and making robotic 'beep-beep' sounds when I detect a trouble area and 'bing' sounds when each thing is then corrected. At the end I do all sorts of stupid and entertaining things.

 

The trick is that this is both a lot of fun *and* I only use my body language to direct my child's attention generally towards to the thing I want remedied. This leads them to try to figure it out, which improves their ability to observe what sorts of things I might think they need to do.

 

Often, when a child has 'cleaned' in a very short time, I direct them to go back and check with their 'mama eyes'. Then they do the whole binoculars and beep and bing thing themselves, and call me to check it over after they've actually given it suitable attention. This improves their skill of stepping back and being genuinely observant about the state of the room (rather than just being focused on how much they have done).

 

Child logic is that if they've done a bunch of things, the result must be "clean". It's a leap for them to realize that "clean" describes observable characteristics, not effort.

:thumbup::thumbup::001_wub: Awesome! Can't wait to do this.

[athena1277]

My 9yo cleans the same way! Although usually when she cleans her room, she get everything off the floor, but doesn't clean anything on top of her dresser, desk, etc. Any flat surface other than the floor is a mess!:glare:

[Word Nerd]

Instead of a list, could you give her a photo or photos of what her room should look like when it's clean and of what goes where? That would give her a visual that she could compare the room's current state to.

[Zoo Keeper]

When I go over a child cleaned room, I make a big fun drama out of it, making my hands into binoculars (those are my 'mama eyes') and making robotic 'beep-beep' sounds when I detect a trouble area and 'bing' sounds when each thing is then corrected. At the end I do all sorts of stupid and entertaining things.

 

The trick is that this is both a lot of fun *and* I only use my body language to direct my child's attention generally towards to the thing I want remedied. This leads them to try to figure it out, which improves their ability to observe what sorts of things I might think they need to do.

 

Often, when a child has 'cleaned' in a very short time, I direct them to go back and check with their 'mama eyes'. Then they do the whole binoculars and beep and bing thing themselves, and call me to check it over after they've actually given it suitable attention. This improves their skill of stepping back and being genuinely observant about the state of the room (rather than just being focused on how much they have done).

 

Child logic is that if they've done a bunch of things, the result must be "clean". It's a leap for them to realize that "clean" describes observable characteristics, not effort.

 

You are a genius. :001_smile: Thank you.

[Catwoman]

I didn't start seeing those things until I became an adult. I think it is a normal part of development.

 

:iagree:

 

I have to admit that I still don't see a lot of those things... unless I'm at someone else's house. Then I notice everything. :tongue_smilie:

[PIE!]

When I go over a child cleaned room, I make a big fun drama out of it, making my hands into binoculars (those are my 'mama eyes') and making robotic 'beep-beep' sounds when I detect a trouble area and 'bing' sounds when each thing is then corrected. At the end I do all sorts of stupid and entertaining things.

 

The trick is that this is both a lot of fun *and* I only use my body language to direct my child's attention generally towards to the thing I want remedied. This leads them to try to figure it out, which improves their ability to observe what sorts of things I might think they need to do.

 

Often, when a child has 'cleaned' in a very short time, I direct them to go back and check with their 'mama eyes'. Then they do the whole binoculars and beep and bing thing themselves, and call me to check it over after they've actually given it suitable attention. This improves their skill of stepping back and being genuinely observant about the state of the room (rather than just being focused on how much they have done).

 

Child logic is that if they've done a bunch of things, the result must be "clean". It's a leap for them to realize that "clean" describes observable characteristics, not effort.

 

I could have written the OP. THANK YOU for this!

[goldberry]

Wow, Bolt, great idea. This would work I think because DD has a great sense of humor and she responds very well to humor. Also I like the idea of her having to figure out what needs to be corrected, since maybe that will help her develop those skills.

 

Ellie, although there have been times when she DOES know she hasn't done her best, sometimes she really believes she has. Same with my husband, so I know how this works! I also know what it feels like to do your best and be told that you know you didn't.

 

Thanks for the responses!

[Trish]

I still miss things.

[beaners]

I still miss things.

 

Yeah, same thing here. Which is why reading this

 

I wonder if she's old enough for you to look her in the eyeball and tell her that you know she knows she didn't do what she needed to do, and that you aren't going to feel like the bad guy over it, and that she needs to pick up the trash off the floor and take the stuff out of the hamper that don't belong there...

 

made me feel awful for the child. I'm an adult who understands that keeping my house clean is my responsibility (although my very young children help more than enough) and I still miss things all the time. I don't know that I didn't do what I needed to do. I just know that I picked up all the things that I saw. My eyes will skip right over things as if they aren't even there. I can have a stack of garbage on the counter and not realize it. I can get halfway through vacuuming a room and find myself picking up a dozen things I didn't even notice. (Which is why I think handing over a vacuum would be a kind suggestion.)

 

I don't think whining is necessary on the daughter's end, but I certainly wouldn't assume she is intentionally shirking if she skipped down the hall to show off the job she thought she had completed.

[myfunnybunch]

I tell my boys, "Go back and look with a Mom eye. Will I see anything on the floor?" I remind them to check the edges of the room. That takes care of about half of it.

 

Cat

[Birkenkathy]

I'm kind of relieved that I'm not the only one with kids who are like this. Drives me crazy!

[Leanna Tomlinson]

They won't see everything until they leave.

 

I want to crack up when my girls come home from college and they start pointing out all of their siblings' cleaning deficiencies.

 

"Do the baseboards."

"Don't forget the edges."

"Don't do a half job."

"The kitchen is not clean when the drainer is full of dishes."

 

Hearing these declarations come out of my daughters' mouths......... it warms my heart. :001_wub:

Edited March 23, 2012 by Leanna

[KidsHappen]

Don't feel bad. I am the only person in my family that can see anything in the house and I am talking about things like a gallon of milk in hte fridge. I could honestly say, hand me the $20 bill off the table and no one would see it. :glare:

[violingirl]

Whenever my boys tell me their room is "clean" I ask if they're sure: "The whole floor is clean? There isn't even one thing on the floor? Your dresser is clean? Your toys are all put away? Did you put things in the closet that shouldn't be in there?" And then I remind them that anything left out will go in my box (the one where toys and things go and don't return until you practically forgot you even had them). That solves 90% of the extra stuff they didn't see the first time. Then I actually go check their room and stand in the doorway and point things out: "There's something under your bed. Check your trash can to see if it needs emptied, I see books under your blankets..." and etc.

[happyhomemaker25]

I wonder if she's old enough for you to look her in the eyeball and tell her that you know she knows she didn't do what she needed to do, and that you aren't going to feel like the bad guy over it, and that she needs to pick up the trash off the floor and take the stuff out of the hamper that don't belong there...

 

This is my kids. They don't like chores so they do a swish and a swipe and call it done. Most of the time they know they only did a half job. I've seen what a good job from them looks like do I don't hesitate to call them out over a poor job. Recently I have started making them redo things they missed duriing free time instead of letting it cut into school time. If it's a continuous problem I will work with them for a few days retraining. Work done by halves is never done right.

[KirstenH]

Yeah, same thing here. Which is why reading this

 

 

 

made me feel awful for the child. I'm an adult who understands that keeping my house clean is my responsibility (although my very young children help more than enough) and I still miss things all the time. I don't know that I didn't do what I needed to do. I just know that I picked up all the things that I saw. My eyes will skip right over things as if they aren't even there. I can have a stack of garbage on the counter and not realize it. I can get halfway through vacuuming a room and find myself picking up a dozen things I didn't even notice. (Which is why I think handing over a vacuum would be a kind suggestion.)

 

I don't think whining is necessary on the daughter's end, but I certainly wouldn't assume she is intentionally shirking if she skipped down the hall to show off the job she thought she had completed.

 

This. Completely. Yes, I drive my husband nuts, but I'm not being intentionally lazy. I just don't SEE things. I live inside my head and the real world sometimes has to hit me in the face to get my attention.

[SunD]

Child logic is that if they've done a bunch of things, the result must be "clean". It's a leap for them to realize that "clean" describes observable characteristics, not effort.

 

I definitely think that's true!

 

One way to drive that home might actually be an approach that helps me. Every once in a while, I tear a room apart, declutter, and clean absolutely everything. Nothing is out of place, mussed up, or dusty. I then have to take a picture, literally, to refer back to later. After living in it for several days, my tolerance level for clutter, junk, and dust seems to rise. I stop seeing it as it gradually accumulates. It becomes part of the room.

 

If I pull out my picture and actually compare it to the room in front of me, I am shocked into seeing how bad it really looks. It's kind of like coming back home from an all-day shopping trip ... sometimes you think, "Wow, the house smells weird," when you're actually just used to it. You realize that's how your house smells to other people, and depending on the scent, you might be very embarrassed.

 

Maybe you could do a good thorough clean with her, then take photos of the view from the door, of the well-made bed, clear desk, etc. Then when she goes down her list and sees "make the bed", she has a real picture to refer to afterward, and can check her work before showing you.

[KirstenH]

I definitely think that's true!

 

One way to drive that home might actually be an approach that helps me. Every once in a while, I tear a room apart, declutter, and clean absolutely everything. Nothing is out of place, mussed up, or dusty. I then have to take a picture, literally, to refer back to later. After living in it for several days, my tolerance level for clutter, junk, and dust seems to rise. I stop seeing it as it gradually accumulates. It becomes part of the room.

 

If I pull out my picture and actually compare it to the room in front of me, I am shocked into seeing how bad it really looks. It's kind of like coming back home from an all-day shopping trip ... sometimes you think, "Wow, the house smells weird," when you're actually just used to it. You realize that's how your house smells to other people, and depending on the scent, you might be very embarrassed.

 

Maybe you could do a good thorough clean with her, then take photos of the view from the door, of the well-made bed, clear desk, etc. Then when she goes down her list and sees "make the bed", she has a real picture to refer to afterward, and can check her work before showing you.

 

I do this too. Very helpful.