Night Elf Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I haven't had a 'real-life' friend in over 4 years. I miss having a friend. I spend my time online and that helps tremendously, but I do miss the face-to-face type of relationship. I do not have any opportunities to make friends. My kids are too old for homeschool groups. I am not a church person. I was in college for over a year and met several really nice young ladies, but we are in different circles. Well, maybe if I went out with them on the weekends to drink... um, nope. I cannot work and even when I did, I didn't make a friend. I just had ladies to chit-chat with each day. So.. how does one find a friend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I have no idea, but if you find out, let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 :bigear::lurk5::001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Can you volunteer somewhere? Or join a book club? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalom22 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I haven't had a 'real-life' friend in over 4 years. I miss having a friend. I spend my time online and that helps tremendously, but I do miss the face-to-face type of relationship. I do not have any opportunities to make friends. My kids are too old for homeschool groups. I am not a church person. I was in college for over a year and met several really nice young ladies, but we are in different circles. Well, maybe if I went out with them on the weekends to drink... um, nope. I cannot work and even when I did, I didn't make a friend. I just had ladies to chit-chat with each day. So.. how does one find a friend? You sound a lot like me. I do work though, but I don't socialize with anyone from work. So that hasn't been fruitful to find any friends. I lost my bf about 4 years ago also, because we left the church. I wish lala land was somewhere close to Houston, we could hang out. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treestarfae Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Create or attend a meet up group for coffee or lunch related to hobbies. When you get there you can wear a Hi My name is tag (or not). Be friendly. Extend an invite for a future meet up somewhere. See what happens and don't give up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I find that most moms find their friendships while doing activities with their children. Since you do not attend homeschool groups with your children, have you thought about finding a local homeschool support group? Usually they have mom's night out or meetings. You can get to know other homeschool moms in your area. Or, you might consider creating such a group. My best friend and I met during our yrs at Classical Conversations. We've moved in lots of different social circles since those days but we are still the best of friends. I think that these relationships are rare and very special. I hope that you can find a really good friend in your area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Get inviolved with/ in something, even if it is volunteer work. Go into it with the attitude of giving back. If you make a friend, that will be an unexpected blessing. Take up one of your passions. Do it for YOU. If you make a friend, it will be an unexpected blessing. Dont you live in TX? Meet up with a fellow boardie. I am finding I need more time alone. I do have a couple of local friends who are therapeutic, but I am so tired I just want some me time. I know I love animals, gardening, nature, hiking, kayaking. If you havent discovered your passions, step out of your comfort zone and figure out what you truly enjoy. Then do it. If you make a friend, that will be an unexpected blessing. When I relocated to NH, the harder I tried to find true friends the more difficult it was. Focus on your own happiness and passions and I believe other things will fall into place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I met my three best friends several years ago through a women's social group on Meetup (http://www.meetup.com'>http://www.meetup.com). The group was simply about connecting women for fun get-togethers (they had several meetups a week - lunches, dinners, a book club, movie nights, etc.). If you're not familiar with Meetup, they have groups in almost every town in the U.S. as well across the globe. My mid-size town has over 300 Meetup groups for every kind of interest (some large cities have over 1000 groups). Some examples are women's groups, knitting groups, philosophy groups, yoga groups, dog lover groups, ski groups - just anything and everything people want to connect with others for. What's great about these groups is that they are centered around common interests - so you know upfront that you share something in common with the other members (and everyone in the group is there for the express purpose of meeting and getting together with others who share this interest). Most groups are free to join - you just sign up and participate in whatever works for you. Just go to http://www.meetup.com and put in your zip code and see what comes up! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Well, I am an extrovert. And I usually have to start over every time we move. So, I set up a game night for homeschooled teens at a community center and put it out on our email loop. I am in a Bible study. I have two volunteer jobs. You have to move the step beyond chit-chat. You have to be able to say, "oh, I really want to see that movie too, we should go together!" or "I need a girls night out, you wan to join me? There is a pottery painting/play/whatever we could try out." This does mean putting yourself out there and being rejected some of the time. But, if you keep trying, then you will make connections. :grouphug: Of my current good friends who are local? Two I met through homeschool PE. Two I met through volunteering with scouts. One I met through my other, non-kid-related volunteer job. And one I met through this board. ;) Edited March 2, 2012 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 You sound a lot like me. I do work though, but I don't socialize with anyone from work. So that hasn't been fruitful to find any friends. I lost my bf about 4 years ago also, because we left the church. I wish lala land was somewhere close to Houston, we could hang out. :D It seems to be about 700 miles from Houston to my Lala Land (Atlanta). Bummer!! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I wish I lived near you. I would be friends with you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 The reason I don't belong to a homeschool group is because my kids are teens. I only met a couple of moms who had teens, everyone else seems to have elementary aged children. I really miss weekly park days. It was awesome to chat with moms each week. I did connect with one person and she became my best friend. She got "too busy" for me and dropped me about 4 yrs. ago. She was the only homeschooling mom out of many that I found a connection. I have no clue about volunteering. Where do I start? People usually say meal on wheels or senior care facilities. It's not that I don't want to help people, but I am really looking for opportunities to find a friend. I am familiar with meetup but I don't know how to search for a group for me. That seems so weird! I don't have any hobbies, so not a lot of common ground with other folks. No really, no hobbies. My daily life consists of being with my DH and kids, hanging out on this board, reading, playing a few video games, playing silly match 3 type games on my laptop, and reading. How do I find a book club? My only passion is young children ages 0 to 3. I am absolutely fascinated and in love with babies and toddlers. What amazing little people!! I got a job in a daycare center but had to quit because my kids weren't doing well with their schoolwork without me being at home. Then I started taking college classes focusing on birth to age 5, but I had to quit that too for now. I'm a really nice person! Just rather boring. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Yeah, I've often thought it would be rather fun to get all of us in one great big room and let us mingle there like we do on here. We should form some cool society like the Red Hat Society. Oh, now there's an idea! I just found their website. That's pretty cool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I am familiar with meetup but I don't know how to search for a group for me. That seems so weird! I don't have any hobbies, so not a lot of common ground with other folks. No really, no hobbies. My daily life consists of being with my DH and kids, hanging out on this board, reading, playing a few video games, playing silly match 3 type games on my laptop, and reading. How do I find a book club? Well, I just checked Meetup for Atlanta (since you mentioned your location in a previous post :)) and there are over 1000 Meetup groups in your city! I did a sub-search for "women's social" - 256 groups came up for the Atlanta area. Then I did a sub-search for "women's book club" (since you mentioned that as a possible interest) and 24 groups came up. Maybe one or more of these groups would be a good fit? Since joining is free and you're generally not required to attend events, you could just join a few groups and lurk for awhile to get a feel for what they're like before deciding to attend something. HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treestarfae Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Try searching a book club similar to this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Maybe there is a book club through your library? I once took a pottery class through a local community college (class was on Saturdays) and there were a lot of fellow moms there. Or maybe there is a class through your city recreation department? What is it that you want to do with friends? Maybe that will help narrow down what kind of activities where you might find them. For example, if you like cooking and take a cooking class, you might invite someone over for a dinner party to try some new recipes. You could try a Unitarian church as well (not too religious, more community / discussion - though it depends on the church). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Are there any clubs that are related to your interests or hobbies? Does your dh have any coworkers that he clicks with and could invite over for dinner with their families? Your kids are teens, are there clubs or activities that go along with their interests where you might meet other moms? Most of my non-family friendships are somehow related to my kids too, so I can understand why you're having trouble finding friends outside of that. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I always liken it to dating someone; there's a 'mating' (or match-up) process involved! Some couples will require a lengthy, back-and-forth dance whereas other couples will need nothing more than a quick sniff before they can move forward. I think it really varies from couple to couple pairings, moreso than it does from individual to individual. I've experienced both - those quick clicks, and those "I can't believe we evolved into friends!" relationships. Don't limit yourself to people that share your commonalities. Certainly find someone who shares your interests, but that won't necessarily only be people with the same-aged kids as you have! Or who work where you do. Or who volunteer with you. Or who attend church with you. Or who live in your neighborhood. It's really as easy as being interested in someone else, and/or being interesting to them. I'm an extrovert, so it's easy for me to say (and for that I apologize, if you're more of an introvert. I know it's not easy to break out of any mold.) Find somewhere you can be a regular -- if not a school/homeschool group, or church, or job, or volunteer -- find somewhere. Give it time. You'll start to recognize the other regulars, and they'll start to recognize you. Converestions will naturally pop up, sometimes at your beheast and sometimes at theirs. They'll start very small and casual, but eventually become meatier and longer. You'll find more similiar interests that can draw you in quickly OR you'll find some interesting differences that can also draw you in (learning from each other); either way, this is the mating process/dance LOL. As with any other relationship, don't expect sparks and bells right away; it could happen, but it might not. It might require some work and nurturing, and even some bravery/go-getting type adjustments to one's comfort level. It might be that you have friend potential staring you in the face that you've not yet considered - that'd be great, wouldn't it? My best friend is 28 years older than I am; he's closer in age to my father, and his own kids are MY age. Except that last surprise one LOL, who is the same age as my nephew. What started out as a peripheral relationship (knowing each other through our boys' sports and schools) grew into convenience relationship (carpooling to sports and schools) and ended up being a friendship relationship (for almost ten years now). We meet-up weekly for drinks, even now that our boys have gone separate ways. We talk by phone daily. It just evolved. Is there someone like that in your life now? The kids and I are regulars at our local Starbucks. We go many times weekly. We know the other regulars, and having the kids there has been a great conversation starter. Kids of any age, even yours, would be great. My kids have met so many interesting people this way, and I'm now great friends with two of the baristas (we have a dinner club). The kids do nothing more than be present ... reading, playing, just things like that that are conversation starters. They're not sitting there on electronics, which seems unapproachable to me. Is there somewhere you can go to be a regular? If not a coffeehouse, maybe a bookstore? Nail salon? Bowling alley? Park/Mall walker? Anything? Or maybe you need a dog :) I "broke up" with a friend just a few months ago, and really feel her void in my life. I empathize :grouphug:! The reason I don't belong to a homeschool group is because my kids are teens. I only met a couple of moms who had teens, everyone else seems to have elementary aged children. I really miss weekly park days. It was awesome to chat with moms each week. I did connect with one person and she became my best friend. She got "too busy" for me and dropped me about 4 yrs. ago. She was the only homeschooling mom out of many that I found a connection. I have no clue about volunteering. Where do I start? People usually say meal on wheels or senior care facilities. It's not that I don't want to help people, but I am really looking for opportunities to find a friend. I am familiar with meetup but I don't know how to search for a group for me. That seems so weird! I don't have any hobbies, so not a lot of common ground with other folks. No really, no hobbies. My daily life consists of being with my DH and kids, hanging out on this board, reading, playing a few video games, playing silly match 3 type games on my laptop, and reading. How do I find a book club? My only passion is young children ages 0 to 3. I am absolutely fascinated and in love with babies and toddlers. What amazing little people!! I got a job in a daycare center but had to quit because my kids weren't doing well with their schoolwork without me being at home. Then I started taking college classes focusing on birth to age 5, but I had to quit that too for now. I'm a really nice person! Just rather boring. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I need to learn this too. I got married and pregnant during my junior year of college and since no one else I knew at the time was even remotely close to that life track, everyone sort of drifted away. Except for a brief 6 months when I was pregnant with my middle child, I have been a SAHM. We have always only had one car, so there are many times that I actually cannot leave the house because my DH is at work with the van. I go to church and have been a member for over 3 years now, but haven't made any meaningful connections. It's frustrating for sure. I am in a place in my life where I could really, truly use a good friend and there's noone to talk to. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Based on Faith Academy Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Just go to www.meetup.com and put in your zip code and see what comes up! :) Thanks!!! This is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 My only passion is young children ages 0 to 3. I am absolutely fascinated and in love with babies and toddlers. What amazing little people!! I got a job in a daycare center but had to quit because my kids weren't doing well with their schoolwork without me being at home. Then I started taking college classes focusing on birth to age 5, but I had to quit that too for now. My mother did volunteer work through Red Cross for a while, helping out new mums with post natal depression. Is there something like that where you are? Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom2011 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I wish I lived near you. I would be friends with you. :grouphug: :iagree: I'm in the same boat, I just always had a hard time making real friends. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k2bdeutmeyer Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 :bigear: I light of my recent situation....I'm in the same boat! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 Okay, here is what I have so far. 1. I joined the Rat Hat Society and will look into the local chapters. It's a women's social group. I've seen a RHS group in a restaurant and they looked like they were having so much fun! 2. One of our board members has reached out to me. While we don't live next door to one another, we are going to set up a time to meet and talk. She has also invited me to join her book group. 3. Through meetup.com I found a local ladies book club, but I'm hesitant to join. They meet at someone's house and it would feel so awkard, don't you think? I'm worried I would feel out of place in such an intimate environment without knowing anyone at all. They had an average of 10 people at each meetup for the past couple of months. That sounds like a pretty big group for meeting in someone's house. I'm going to think about this a bit more. :grouphug::grouphug: to everyone else in the same boat! I hate rocky waters! I'm really an introvert and am completely uncomfortable stepping out of my comfort zone on my own. It's easier if I have someone to hold my hand, as one might say. But hey, I've gotten this far. I'll just coast the waves and see what pans out! :tongue_smilie: Oh, I do belong to a meetup group for teens with Aspergers. My ds15 used to go for every get-together and I hosted the group for about 6 months. But our group with low attendance, that happened to be all boys, merged with another group with low attendance, that happened to be all girls, and he lost interest. He feels completely out of place. I had a nice time talking with the other moms while the teens talked, so it was nice. I'll have to encourage him to go. So much time has passed that it is going to feel like he's a complete stranger and that he's starting all over again. But he needs a social opportunity as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Are you giving off an 'available' and approachable vibe? I spent a lifetime (including most of my childhood) working in family restaurants. I knew everyone, everyone knew me, and it was comfortable. When I took my first "real" job -as an adult- the nature of the job was essentially the same, but the environment was different. I knew nobody, and nobody knew me. After several months, I had become friendly enough with my colleagues but hadn't quite passed from that level to a Friend-friend level. I was commenting about this to my sister -on the phone, while at work- and was overheard by one of my colleagues, who -later that day- invited me out after work. At the time I didn't know why, or that she had overheard my phone call to my sister. That didn't come up in conversation until months later LOL, once our friendship was solid. Once it did, she said that the reason she took the initiative is that she only realized that she had mis-read my vibe (a vibe that said, I'm friendly but not looking for any friends) once she overheard my comment to my sister. She said other colleagues had wanted to invite me out prior, but the general consensus was that I wasn't in the market for their friendship. I was coming off as friendly, but not necessarily open to developing a friendship. I don't know why I was giving off that vibe; it certainly wasn't intentional. It was an eye-opener for me, though, even in terms of seeking out friendships from others. I learned to try to see beyond initial impressions, and to take initiative that has resulted in some friendships that I'm convinced wouldn't have happened otherwise. Some failures, too, but all in all worth the effort :) So long story short - consider how you may be coming off to others. Is your vibe one of availablity? interest? desperation? loneliness? unintentional indifference as a measure of self-preservation? (I see that one a lot with other moms when there is an established crowd.) In that vein, can you see around the initial vibes you're getting from others and maybe see if you can take the initiative with someone you may have already written off as friend potential? I thought about this today. I saw this awkward weird dance between to other customers (one is a regular like we are) and I wanted to just go and hook them up because you could see both wanted it but neither did anything about it. When this thread got bumped, it seemed relevant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Check your local bookstore for book groups. Our local Barnes & Noble hosts them, so they don't seem too intimate. B&N is a pretty good place to get connected. They host a knitting group here. If you have a hospital that serves premies near you check into volunteering. After a pretty extensive background check, ours uses volunteers to hold/rock premies in need of a little TLC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalom22 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 The reason I don't belong to a homeschool group is because my kids are teens. I only met a couple of moms who had teens, everyone else seems to have elementary aged children. I really miss weekly park days. It was awesome to chat with moms each week. I did connect with one person and she became my best friend. She got "too busy" for me and dropped me about 4 yrs. ago. She was the only homeschooling mom out of many that I found a connection. I have no clue about volunteering. Where do I start? People usually say meal on wheels or senior care facilities. It's not that I don't want to help people, but I am really looking for opportunities to find a friend. I am familiar with meetup but I don't know how to search for a group for me. That seems so weird! I don't have any hobbies, so not a lot of common ground with other folks. No really, no hobbies. My daily life consists of being with my DH and kids, hanging out on this board, reading, playing a few video games, playing silly match 3 type games on my laptop, and reading. How do I find a book club? My only passion is young children ages 0 to 3. I am absolutely fascinated and in love with babies and toddlers. What amazing little people!! I got a job in a daycare center but had to quit because my kids weren't doing well with their schoolwork without me being at home. Then I started taking college classes focusing on birth to age 5, but I had to quit that too for now. I'm a really nice person! Just rather boring. :tongue_smilie: Oh My, we could be twins. The bolded parts are me to a T. I work part time and it might be full time at some point. But there isn't anyone to socialize with from there. And I have actually known most of them for about 15 to 20 years, I worked there before having the kids. I have spend so much energy on being a sahm/homeschooling these last 10 years that I have lost any interests that I use to have. I am not passionate about anything anymore. The Meetup.com site hasn't helped me much so far. I haven't found any groups around me that doesn't revolve around drinking alcohol. I am just not interested in that kind of socializing. We were part of a great homeschool group, but it is mainly younger kids. It seems that once we got into the teen years, there was less opportunity to hang out with that age group. The teen groups around here have become very cliqueish and were excluding my kids because they didn't go to the same church and we aren't Christian. We had been going to the weekly park day mostly for me, the kids had already expressed that they were not getting anything out of it. But I was, at least I was able to sit and be involved in the conversation with the other moms. But even after being a member for about 3 years, I still didn't have a 'friend', no one seems interested in getting to be a closer friend and I did try. Now, we haven't been to a park day in over 3 months and I doubt anyone cares. My kids will be 15 and 16 next month. It is such a bummer that lala land is so far away. We could do boring things together. ;) Sorry for the rant. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I have no idea, but if you find out, let me know. :iagree: I need to learn this too. I got married and pregnant during my junior year of college and since no one else I knew at the time was even remotely close to that life track, everyone sort of drifted away. This sounds like me. Being an introvert doesn't help; I have several acquaintances (mom's of playdate friends, etc)....but it's hard to take it to the next level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Well I wished I lived closer to a bunch of you. We'd all go to lunch and laugh together. All of my IRL friends live too far away to get together a lot. I have yet to find a local friend, we've been here a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 It is just nice to know that there are a lot of us like this...I live in a rural area/small town and other than a library story time that my son is still a little young for, there is nothing. No MOPS, no Y, no Mommy and me. We don't really go to church and there was nothing on Meetup.com. I work part time, but all my coworkers are male. Friendly, but not close friendship possibilities. I'm going on maternity leave soon and am terrified...I will likely go over 24 hours without speaking to an adult, even on the phone, as my husband works 24-36 hour shifts. I hope you find something! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalom22 Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 Are you giving off an 'available' and approachable vibe? I spent a lifetime (including most of my childhood) working in family restaurants. I knew everyone, everyone knew me, and it was comfortable. When I took my first "real" job -as an adult- the nature of the job was essentially the same, but the environment was different. I knew nobody, and nobody knew me. After several months, I had become friendly enough with my colleagues but hadn't quite passed from that level to a Friend-friend level. I was commenting about this to my sister -on the phone, while at work- and was overheard by one of my colleagues, who -later that day- invited me out after work. At the time I didn't know why, or that she had overheard my phone call to my sister. That didn't come up in conversation until months later LOL, once our friendship was solid. Once it did, she said that the reason she took the initiative is that she only realized that she had mis-read my vibe (a vibe that said, I'm friendly but not looking for any friends) once she overheard my comment to my sister. She said other colleagues had wanted to invite me out prior, but the general consensus was that I wasn't in the market for their friendship. I was coming off as friendly, but not necessarily open to developing a friendship. I don't know why I was giving off that vibe; it certainly wasn't intentional. It was an eye-opener for me, though, even in terms of seeking out friendships from others. I learned to try to see beyond initial impressions, and to take initiative that has resulted in some friendships that I'm convinced wouldn't have happened otherwise. Some failures, too, but all in all worth the effort :) So long story short - consider how you may be coming off to others. Is your vibe one of availablity? interest? desperation? loneliness? unintentional indifference as a measure of self-preservation? (I see that one a lot with other moms when there is an established crowd.) In that vein, can you see around the initial vibes you're getting from others and maybe see if you can take the initiative with someone you may have already written off as friend potential? I thought about this today. I saw this awkward weird dance between to other customers (one is a regular like we are) and I wanted to just go and hook them up because you could see both wanted it but neither did anything about it. When this thread got bumped, it seemed relevant. Excellent point. I am guilty of this. I tend to carry a look on my face that I know makes people think I am mad at the world. My dd tells me all the time that I look like am ready kill something with the look on my face, even when I am just on the computer. :glare: Kinda like this. I had a very close friend many, many years ago that intially thought that I was a very mean person. We both had horses at a stable and she was having trouble with her horse. Another lady that I knew at the stable told 'Pam' to talk to me about her horse problem and that I could probably help her. Pam told the other lady that she didn't think that I liked her because I always had this mean look on my face when she was around me. The lady told her "That's just Sam! Go talk to her.". Thankfully she worked up the courage and did come talk to me. We became extremely close friends for several years. So I most likely send the wrong kind of vibe, I do try to be aware of what my expression is when meeting new people. Being 6' tall and towering over most people doesn't help in not being intimidating though.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 2, 2012 Author Share Posted March 2, 2012 So long story short - consider how you may be coming off to others. Is your vibe one of availablity? interest? desperation? loneliness? unintentional indifference as a measure of self-preservation? (I see that one a lot with other moms when there is an established crowd.) In that vein, can you see around the initial vibes you're getting from others and maybe see if you can take the initiative with someone you may have already written off as friend potential? Honestly, I'm not around anyone to give off any vibes. The only adults I talk to are my DH and my dd19's few friends. I don't go anywhere other than the library and grocery store, and to be perfectly honest, my DH is usually the one to go those places more than me. When I do go, it's run in to get what I need and leave. I don't like hanging out at the library. It's not a comfy, cozy atmosphere. It's cold and impersonal and not a place I want to sit and linger. The people who work there seem to hate people. The only conversations I've ever had have been condescending. They've got me self-conscious! I'll keep that in mind when I do start getting into a group though. After so long, I might come off too eager but I'll try to restrain myself. It seems like a very fine line to walk between eager and desperate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disney Dreaming Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 (edited) Honestly, I'm not around anyone to give off any vibes. The only adults I talk to are my DH and my dd19's few friends. I don't go anywhere other than the library and grocery store, and to be perfectly honest, my DH is usually the one to go those places more than me. When I do go, it's run in to get what I need and leave. I don't like hanging out at the library. It's not a comfy, cozy atmosphere. It's cold and impersonal and not a place I want to sit and linger. The people who work there seem to hate people. The only conversations I've ever had have been condescending. They've got me self-conscious! I'll keep that in mind when I do start getting into a group though. After so long, I might come off too eager but I'll try to restrain myself. It seems like a very fine line to walk between eager and desperate. That is me. Edited March 2, 2012 by ugamom11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted March 2, 2012 Share Posted March 2, 2012 I'm available, where do you live? :D I looked, she lives in "La La Land". :p One thing that is getting me out more is... We have a monthly homeschool meeting for parents. I found that there was little time spend getting to know people. So I started invited people out to dinner before the meeting. The past meeting I had 3 people join me. :) I would just send out a group invite to everyone on the message board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalom22 Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Just go to www.meetup.com and put in your zip code and see what comes up! :) Thanks for the push. I did check out meetup.com and found a group that meets to have coffe or tea. They are on the other side of Houston, but I am going down there today to participate in a coffee roasting demonstration. It's a start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks for the push. I did check out meetup.com and found a group that meets to have coffe or tea. They are on the other side of Houston, but I am going down there today to participate in a coffee roasting demonstration. It's a start. That's great! I hope you have a wonderful time! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 3, 2012 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 I looked, she lives in "La La Land". :p Mentally, yes. :D Physically, the Atlanta area. If you're in this area, pm me and we can compare just how far away from central Atlanta we each are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T'smom Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I struggle with this too. I have lots of activities where I meet people but it's hard to go from friendly acquaintance to friend. Does anyone else feel like it's like dating all over again?!?!? (Actually, it's way harder than dating ever was!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 What seems to be working for me at the moment is to be in a place for an hour and waiting for my DD with other parents waiting for their kids. It is still taking about 5 or 6 weeks to connect with a couple of moms, but it is happening. This is not a homeschool group, but I connected with a homeschooler vegan mom who has never heard of SOTW. But I've been in this same situation with other parents and never made a connection. Some of it is just personality and having an opportunity to sit around and talk with someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 Wow. Thank you for starting this amazing thread! I completely understand and feel the same, except my problem stems from the huge age difference in my children. Can't attend teen events because we have the preschooler and nursing baby. Then really can't connect with those that have younger kids because I'm so much older and sometimes feel like I intimidate them because I have a teenager. :001_unsure: My best friend moved away over a year ago and my other good friend started working full time soon after. I don't really have anyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 3, 2012 Share Posted March 3, 2012 I have no idea, but if you find out, let me know. :iagree::lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalom22 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 That's great! I hope you have a wonderful time! :) I did have a wonderful time. I actually connected with a lady. She is about my age, but her kids are grown. She homeschooled them up to high school, we connected in many areas of thougths and process, iykwim. She is new to Houston, she moved from Florida about 6 months ago. I hope that we can develop some kind of relationship. We exchanged phone numbers. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.