momto3boys Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I'm very new to the whole homeschooling thing, my oldest is five but isn't eligible to attend ps kindergarten until this coming fall. He is already at a first grade level in math and a beginner reader so my husband and I have decided to homeschool at least the next few years. I mentioned this casually to my mother today and our casual conversation immediately crashed and burned. Apparently this is a horrible decision in her eyes. At one point she said "I just don't understand why you want to keep them home with you." Uh, hello-they're my children and I love them...how about that? Why should I send him off to school six hours a day to learn stuff he already knows (apparently for "socialization" ) Ugh. Anyways. She was the first person I told about homeschooling, now I'm a little gun-shy about mentioning to anyone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Going off to school has been such an ingrained part of our society for the last hundred years or so. It's not personal - it's just not anything that has ever crossed her mind as something that people she knows would do. Give her time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 You might check out your state or local education website and see if you can find what they do for Kindergarten. If you could explain to your mom what they do versus where he is already, she might understand a little better. I know for my two, they would definitely be bored to tears in PS Kindergarten. As she sees him doing so well at home, hopefully she will come around. It is so much nicer to have a supportive family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3browneyedboys4me Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Honestly, I think you might want to get some thick skin b/c you are going to hear a lot of things like what your mom said. I know I did. I think they've finally decided that I might know what I'm doing and many of my family members are on my team now. Most of them are really encouraging and I no longer get this silly questions about socialization, books, etc. They just see the fruit and say, "job well done!" :D As time passes, it will get more comfortable for your family. Don't worry!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Honestly, I think you might want to get some thick skin b/c you are going to hear a lot of things like what your mom said. :iagree: I usually imagine myself wearing Xena Warrior Princess armor and assuming the position--you know, hands on hips, feet wide apart, staring down my nose at my prey...:D although I try to answer sweetly when I say, "Thanks for sharing that. How about those Giants?" :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Oh, and this would be a good time to read about the bean dip, an article written by our own Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristyB in TN Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Oh, and this would be a good time to read about the bean dip, an article written by our own Joanne. Yes, passing the bean dip is encouraged and applauded in the homeschooling community. Joanne's post is a classic.:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Yep, it's not going to get any better! You will just gain more confidence as you go along, and be less shocked by things people say to you. And if nothing else, all this resistance will prepare you for the teen years:lol:! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Honestly, I think you might want to get some thick skin b/c you are going to hear a lot of things like what your mom said. I know I did. I think they've finally decided that I might know what I'm doing and many of my family members are on my team now. Most of them are really encouraging and I no longer get this silly questions about socialization, books, etc. They just see the fruit and say, "job well done!" :D As time passes, it will get more comfortable for your family. Don't worry!:grouphug: :iagree: my family and my ILs were against us in the beginning, but by that point I was used to it lol. As time went on they all came around. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I think that the parents of homeschool parents often react the worst because you are saying "I'm not going to do what you did." They may start to think, "What was wrong with what I did?" You have to be very careful what you say because you are choosing a path they didn't. KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 My mother was asking me whether we were sending our youngest back to public school next year. I told her that we hadn't decided and would be talking to dd in a few months before making our decision. Mother was floored and almost stuttering she was so appalled. She told me, "Of course she wants to stay home! What kid doesn't want to stay home and watch tv all day??" :001_huh: (For the record, we discuss it with dd because she has anxiety problems and is absolutely healthier - and therefore less expensive - at home). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homemama2 Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 As she sees him doing so well at home, hopefully she will come around. It is so much nicer to have a supportive family. :iagree: And it doesn't always take too many years. My mom and MIL were for hsing...but the rest of the family thought Dh and I were nuts. My brother especially. Well, only 2 years after we started hsing, my brother had become the biggest hs fan you could ever hope for. ;) The proof is in the puddin', lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 I think that the parents of homeschool parents often react the worst because you are saying "I'm not going to do what you did." They may start to think, "What was wrong with what I did?" You have to be very careful what you say because you are choosing a path they didn't. KWIM? :iagree: My MIL felt threatened because we went to an orthodontist that didn't extract dd's teeth. Apparently she felt our ortho choice was meant as a commentary on the ortho she selected for dh DECADES ago. Um, really, no, it isn't about her choices at all, it's simply that we found a new way to do things for this child in this time and place. I see this homeschool conversation as being very similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 As your kids get older, and your mom sees positive results, she'll probably come around. It is hard when one's parents don't support them. :tongue_smilie: It feels like judgement. Like a pp suggested, maybe they feel judged by our decisions to do things differently. Find some like-minded friends to hang out with. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3boys Posted February 7, 2012 Author Share Posted February 7, 2012 Thanks for all the replies-I LOVE LOVE LOVE the bean dip article-I'll be using that for sure (for BFing and AP too!) I definitely was trying to defend myself in the conversation but I will take the "bean dip" approach next time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3boys Posted February 7, 2012 Author Share Posted February 7, 2012 FWIW-her disbelief that I actually want to be around my kids is a direct reflection both in how she parented and grandparents as well. I was more shocked she had any opinion at all as she is not very maternal or hands-on (she even thought my oldest was already in K...??):thumbdown: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 FWIW-her disbelief that I actually want to be around my kids is a direct reflection both in how she parented and grandparents as well. I was more shocked she had any opinion at all as she is not very maternal or hands-on (she even thought my oldest was already in K...??):thumbdown: I think this explains a lot about her comment. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 FWIW-her disbelief that I actually want to be around my kids is a direct reflection both in how she parented and grandparents as well. I was more shocked she had any opinion at all as she is not very maternal or hands-on (she even thought my oldest was already in K...??):thumbdown: Yes. I am happy to discuss homeschooling with folks who are truly interested. But some will question you simply to get fodder to argue against. I have found that friends who come from the "can't wait until vacation is over and my kids go back to school" line of thought are not really going to be open to a real discussion of homeschooling. No matter what I may offer them as reasons *we* choose to homeschool, it will never overcome their lack of desire to spend all day with their kids. Much wiser to just pass the bean dip! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 Honestly, I think you might want to get some thick skin b/c you are going to hear a lot of things like what your mom said. I know I did. Yep, unfortunate though it is, this is true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paisley Hedgehog Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 She may never come around to agreeing with homeschooling. Prepare yourself for that. Certainly don't waste any effort on convincing her. Conserve your energy for your kids. Before I conduct any conversations about homeschooling, especially with relatives, especially with my mom, I slip into my Joan Jett frame of mind. I find that even passing the bean dip is more effort than I'm willing to make to keep peace with anyone these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted February 7, 2012 Share Posted February 7, 2012 :iagree: We are ten years in and I still get those comments. Now it's "You're not really going to try to do this for high school, are you??" Where's that bean dip???? Oh, gracious. Just about everybody who hasn't talked to us in a while will offer some variation on, "Surely he's in {implied: REAL} high school, though." Oddly, nobody asks. They just pronounce that we must have sent the kid to school by now. I get the impression some of them have this idea of homeschooling being a kid sitting at the kitchen table circling pictures on worksheets with a crayon, and the notion of our 15-year-old doing that is just too upsetting. I agree with the others, though, that those close to you will likely come around when they see the results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 To the OP: I am in the same exact boat. Well, except my mother thinks I'm an abject failure, and therefore, will ruin my children by keeping them home. Last week, my dad asked me: "Ashley, do you have enough patience to teach your kids?" I sort of looked at him (my kids are 3 and 1) and I was like :lol: No, I totally had kids because I have no patience for them and I can't wait for the day then can go off to Kindergarten. Right, that's when they get out of my hair forever? :lol::tongue_smilie: In other news, my DH hasn't even told HIS parents that we are planning on homeschooling. :lol: I just keep telling myself "It will get better" once we officially start school (Oh, and I made the mistake of mentioning in PA you don't file paperwork with the school until the age of 8, so my parents now think I won't be doing anything with them until they are 8 years old...) :confused: Just keep swimming ~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 My mom had the same reaction when I told her I was going to homeschool. After a year and a half, she has changed her mind and regularly tells me that she's happy that I'm homeschooling. She still doesn't understand it, but she's OK with it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 Sorry the conversation didn't go in a more positive manner! I told most of my family in an email because I didn't want to hear any kneejerk negative reactions! I told them I was going to do it, and why, and that I wasn't sure what their feelings about it were but that we had made our choice and that we hoped they would understand and agree that it was a good choice but that even if they didn't necessarily agree with the choice, we hoped we'd have their support anyway as it was the choice we felt was best for us and blah blah blah, and we got really positive reactions for the most part...they had to think about it before they typed reactions and not just blurt out the first thing that came to mind. We'd also involved ourselves with support systems outside of the family- a homeschool group, a homeschool forum etc and we already knew that even if family didn't "get it" we had homeschool support no matter what anyway. I'd try not to worry about it...she'll probably come around. You'll have other people who will be on board. You'll have to gently but firmly tell people this is what we're doing no matter what. You'll have to find your personal boundary regarding how much you're willing to put their minds at ease in regard to answering questions and so on, but without letting them push you or put too much pressure on you or keep nagging at you after you've given them the information and so on you're willing to give. It'll all work out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 yes, consider it your initiation into the HS world! It does get easier :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted February 8, 2012 Share Posted February 8, 2012 My mom was convinced we were going to ruin our kids. She was a ps teacher herself and naturally the ps system was the best thing for children. But over time she's come around. She sees that my children, while not as worldly- wise as their ps counterparts, are not ruined and that homeschooling has actually been good for them. She also realizes that ds1 would do horribly in ps because he can't sit still to save his life. He's very smart and does better in a situation where when he gets his work done he can go play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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