Religious difference within the home.

[MelissaM]

I have been really searching spiritually for quite a while and have come to the conclusion that I won't find any easy answers. There are some things that we just can't know for sure. At least, I don't think I will ever know for sure.

 

I am skeptical about the Bible and don't feel comfortable teaching it in depth or the "everything is God's plan" type history and science, but I haven't stepped completely away from a deist perspective either. I guess I am firmly on the fence. DH, on the other hand, is very firm in his Christian beliefs and wants to raise our dc as such. My dilemma is I don't know how to teach our dc.

 

We are studying Ancients next year and I don't know how to reconcile the origins topic. We will read the Genesis account and a biography of Darwin. What do I do from there? Just have the older two write a compare and contrast paper and let each draw her own conclusion? Do I tell them of my own struggles with both creation and evolution?

 

I have considered teaching as though I believe to see if it can make me "see" what others see. The strange thing in all of this is I want the Bible to be real.

 

What do I do?

[mcconnellboys]

Two recent things that I've enjoyed have been the book Language of God, by Francis Collins, and the movie Privileged Planet (from the book by Guilermo Gonzalez, et al). I don't happen to believe that the things you struggle with have to be mutually exclusive.

[Soph the vet]

Sounds like a hard place to be. I would have a hard time teaching my dc something that I didn't know if I believed or not. I do happen to believe the Bible is true and infallible. But I did not commit intellectual suicide to do that. Why not look at the evidence and go where it leads? First for yourself. Once you are convinced of truth then teach it. Research the authenticity of Scripture, manuscript evidence or "how the Bible came to be", archaelogical, historical and prophetic evidence that Scripture is real. Read sources on both sides of the creation/evolution debate and see where you think the most evidence is. It is obviously important to be unified with your dh in how your dc are taught but hopefully he will understand that you are struggling and will give you time and space to do some sleuthing.

Soph

[Tarheel Heather]

Sounds like a hard place to be. I would have a hard time teaching my dc something that I didn't know if I believed or not. I do happen to believe the Bible is true and infallible. But I did not commit intellectual suicide to do that. Why not look at the evidence and go where it leads? First for yourself. Once you are convinced of truth then teach it. Research the authenticity of Scripture, manuscript evidence or "how the Bible came to be", archaelogical, historical and prophetic evidence that Scripture is real. Read sources on both sides of the creation/evolution debate and see where you think the most evidence is. It is obviously important to be unified with your dh in how your dc are taught but hopefully he will understand that you are struggling and will give you time and space to do some sleuthing.

Soph

 

We, (dh and I) went through the Evolution Bible, and Ken Ham's books. Our kids participated in sports programs through a church and were able to talk with many families there.

 

Sometimes it's easier to talk with non family members.

[elegantlion]

I believe it is entirely possible to teach both and be objective. I remember is junior high in the 80's having a debate in science class. Half of the class was on the creation side, half on the big bang. We debated both and the teacher stayed objective.

 

There are many books about teaching the bible as literary tool, I can't think of them right now. Maybe someone will chime in with a title.

 

We fall on the side of creation but I absolutely plan on teaching evolution as well. My son is very science oriented and I would be doing him a disservice if I didn't.

 

The information in the bible is relevant and worthy of study even if you are unsure about the revelation in the bible. IMO, I think it is okay if your children understand you have skeptical feelings. At some point they will make a choice on their faith and have to claim ownership of it. If they see Mom has doubts it can be comforting for them to know they are not alone.

 

:grouphug:

[Kelli in TN]

 

The information in the bible is relevant and worthy of study even if you are unsure about the revelation in the bible. IMO, I think it is okay if your children understand you have skeptical feelings. At some point they will make a choice on their faith and have to claim ownership of it. If they see Mom has doubts it can be comforting for them to know they are not alone.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

Try The Bible and Its Influence. Beautiful book, well written and respectful and neutral. It's a high school book so you might not be quite there yet.

 

I am a believer and books that are distinctively Christian are fine with me, but I still loved the approach of this text.

[Harriet Vane]

Don't try to teach a particular doctrinal perspective--teach the very words of the Bible itself, and focus on making sure your children are able to accurately define what the passage actually says. In that sense, the Bible is then handled almost as a literature analysis.

 

I do believe wholeheartedly in God as presented in the Bible. However, I think it is fine and healthy to present many options for the minor issues. For example, you can teach the creation account, but also teach both young earth and old earth perspectives.

 

Where you are not sure what you think or believe, be honest. In the young earth/old earth example, you could simply say, "I'm not sure which is correct. I'd love to ask God about that." Another alternative might be, "I'm not sure what I think about that. Why don't you ask your father's opinion?"

 

Teaching the Bible with accuracy then becomes very similar to teaching any other subject. Just make sure your interpretation of what the text says is actually what the text says.

[Kimber]

We're studying ancients this year too. And I say we're because I am learning things I never knew before and I think that studying with the children is fun for them and fun for me. I find it exciting, and I think that excitement transfers over to them.

 

Making the connections and figuring it out together is my plan. Btw, I do believe the Bible is truth. But I disagree with many Christians on interpretation. I think sometimes creationists read more into the Bible than God put there. Sort of the way they define roles for men and women.

 

We're using TOG this year and you might look at some of the books on the their site to get an idea of some that would be appropriate for children. One of the books I'm looking forward to discussing with my daughter is How the Bible Came to us.

[Kimber]

This is how we do Bible Study at home. We started at Genesis and we read 1/2 to 1 chapter at a time. We then discuss any aspect of that they find interesting. Most of the time, I don't know the answers so we look it up on line. It's been extremely interesting and they help me to get a whole new perspective on things.

 

Btw, we only started this a month ago to get a jump on Ancients. My dh usually reads the Bible in the evenings to them and the approach is still the same.

[Greta]

This is a tough place to be in. My dh and I have some differing spiritual beliefs too (I am Buddhist, and he is a Pantheist -- we have a lot of overlap but some differences). We don't differ on this particular issue you are addressing because we both have a science background and have very strong feelings about that. But there are times when those differences come up, and I don't know if this will work for you, but my philosophy has been that I teach my daughter what I believe, and make it known to her that not everyone shares my perspective. When it's something that I know her Dad feels differently about, I tell her to talk to him about it. I do not personally consider it my responsibility to teach her what he believes. That's his responsibility. If it means enough to him, he'll do it. If it doesn't, he won't. For example, even though he's a Pantheist at one point he felt that because we live in a largely Christian culture, it was unfair for me to take her only to a Buddhist sangha -- that I should take her to a Christian church too, so she would understand those beliefs. I told him any time he wanted to take her to a church he should do so.

 

I just throw that out there as one possible solution. That works well for us, but I realize that some people feel very strongly that the mother and father have to appear as a "united front". If you feel that way, then obviously this won't work for you! But I personally have no problem with my daughter seeing that two people can disagree and still love each other and make a life together.

[Kay in Cal]

Well, there are many MANY Christians (including myself) who believe in evolution, so I think you can honestly teach your children that. Exposing my own children to a variety of philosphies is important to me, but I also think that it is important for you to answer authenically for yourself when they ask. Just as it is important for your dh to answer authentically for himself. It also sounds like you would be more comfortable teaching about faith if you had more of an idea where you really stand... so try to find some time for your own spiritual search.

[Carol in Cal.]

I have been really searching spiritually for quite a while and have come to the conclusion that I won't find any easy answers. There are some things that we just can't know for sure. At least, I don't think I will ever know for sure.

 

QUOTE]

 

Any really GOOD answers are not easy, right?

 

Here is what the Bible says about these kinds of questions: "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (I Cor. 13)

 

(BTW, the 'mirror' mentioned was polished metal, probably bronze, not nearly as clear as the silvered glass mirrors that we use now.)

 

So. Paul didn't understand everything in detail. And I don't either. I hate sitting with that sometimes, but I have to. It is the nature of life on earth.

 

I know that this probably doesn't help you with the homeschooling issue, but I thought that it might ease your anxiety around the whole set of questions that you have just a bit.

 

The other advice I have is to tell God you are wondering about this stuff and ask for guidance and for peace. He knows already, so you might as well talk with Him about it. Maybe He will surprise you. He's not a tame Lion, after all, so I don't know what He will do, but I'll bet it will be something cool.

[Rosie_0801]

My kids will get a very thorough religious education because the significant people in their lives have a wide range of beliefs and sympathies. I will be teaching everything from a "this is what some people believe" point of view, with the idea that they'll have a vast smorgasbord of ideologies to pick and choose from when it comes time for them to think these issues through. (I have a ridiculously in depth plan for this!)

This sort of approach sounds like it would suit you, but would it suit your hubby? If he is not giving the kids the choice not to share his beliefs, it's probably best he take care of their religious instruction himself. If he's not willing to do that, I think it lets you off the hook.

Also, if you have a local Christian bookshop, it may be a good place to explore. I'm sure the shop assistants would help you locate suitable resources.

:)

Rosie

[CLHCO]

If you husband wants the Bible taught, teach it. You don't need commentary, necessarily. It's very important for cultural understanding as well as spiritual.

 

Is your husband for young earth? That will make a difference. If your husband will go for it "for cultural understanding purposes" on the flip side, teach evolution to the younger ones with a simple note that "this is how most scientists will date the time line from what they've observed but no one was there. Some disagree." Most kids don't care to go much further, though your oldest may at this stage. If asked, give an honest answer that also respects DH's view if you can, or refer directly to DH. I would simply caution against a tendency for some to use their children as sounding posts for their own confusion. Not that you would, but it is something to simply watch for since children don't have the maturity to handle that.

 

I would not suggest you encourage them to make their own conclusion at this age. If something convicts them, so be it. Otherwise, once you make a declaration on either side from an outside push to do so, it's hard to objectively look at things later and change it. Kids will also worry about siding against one parent or the other. They're mighty young to get dogmatic on things that can take years of study. In the end, this is a spiritual issue, not a science one or historical one. There are very intelligent people on both ends of the divide.

[MelissaM]

I debated for several weeks before posting because I didn't want to offend anyone. I am thankful that y'all can see I'm seriously trying to solve a problem, not cause a controversy.

 

Thank you for your wise replies. i will be giving them some thought over the next few weeks.

[Mandamom]

but was able to teach a lot of religious education to my ds. My approach was to objectively teach each most religions and go in as much depth as possible given our time constraints. I taught young earth and evolution, buddhism, taosim, world cultural beliefs, etc, particulalry focusing on each as they popped up in our educational travels from beginning (creation and Big Bang) till modern times. My goal was to have my dss15 be aware of the beliefs from an intellectual viewpoint and also to open discussion on believing. He also did several bible studies. His dad is an atheist and his mom is a Christian.

 

Currently he is very active in his mom's church and attends a private Christian church.

 

Anyway, that was my approach and I learned a lot. Religion has caused a lot of strife in our world and understanding the beliefs makes it a lot easier to understand many of the wars.

[Peela]

Personally I wold teach as much religion as I felt comfortable with in terms of getting an education, but leave the "religion" to my husband. I couldn't teach a belief I didn't believe.

My husband and I mostly agree (we are not christian) but we do differ in some ways. We allow the differences to be there, openly with our kids. We have lots of discussions. I think in many ways it is what you live and what comes across in your day to day life that will have more influence than what you teach. But we don't teach Creation because neither of us believe it. If my husband believed in Creation and I didn't, I might well leave it up to him to teach and try to stay fairly neutral and secular in our curriculum.

When it comes to spirituality, I think you just have to be really, really true to yourself, even if that puts you in an uncomfortable position of not knowing.

Tricky situation.

[summer]

My dh and I are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum.

 

I would seriously examine why you have your beliefs and how strong you are in it. If you feel on the fence yourself...present things as theories and let them decide. Make yourself fully informed of both sides.

 

This is where I get so frustrated with my dh. He will not read anything on both sides and stays a firm stand in his one area of belief. I have studied so much of all sides (not everything of all sides, but have looked in depth at the various view points) and feel frustration that my dh will take such a strong stance on something he knows little about. He will spew off things that one side believes, even though they don't.

 

Did you know there are new Earth and old Earth versions of creationism? And there is actually a viewpoint of intelligent design that has nothing to do with a belief in a God? It is not all a black and white, big bang or none kind of thing.

 

About Darwin, I will say that reading his theories has left me with a feeling of him being completely wrong. If you wish to present the evolution viewpoint, Darwins theories will not be a good argument for it. There is just way too much out of date that he bases his foundings on.

 

Another thing is, you really do not have to teach one way or the other. There is actually very little to learn about that brings in to play the beginings of the Earth and mankind. You actually could get your child through high school and all the typical subjects without ever touching on this.

 

Good luck in which ever way you decide to go.

 

I do want to add, try reading Darwin before you attempt to teach it as a guideline for evolution. Reading Darwin is truely like (and actually is) reading a very very old out of date science book. You would never use a 150 yr old book for science otherwise.

 

Oh, please do not try to assume that you can figure out which point of view I am supporting because I never really post my religious beliefs here and I am not pushing or supporting in one way or the other here.

[Mom0012]

If you husband wants the Bible taught, teach it. You don't need commentary, necessarily. It's very important for cultural understanding as well as spiritual.

 

I am constantly struggling with my faith. I desperately want to believe, but often have difficulty reconciling what I perceive as contradictions in the bible.

 

However, I read a children's bible every day to my kids, we attend Community Bible Study and I have chosen a christian curriculum. All of these things have benefitted my children more than I ever would have thought. The character lessons in the bible are wonderful and I think my children need to learn how to make a spiritual connection and to be able to turn to God in times of need. Even if I am not always sure that God is there for me, I want my kids to believe He is there for them. I am often amazed at the faith of my son in particular and how he uses it to get through difficulties.

 

There have been times that this has made me feel less than 100% honest, but when I think about it, I feel that my job is to protect and strengthen my children. They are still very young and as they get older they will have the chance to decide what they believe.

 

Lisa

[runningirl71]

We are studying Ancients next year and I don't know how to reconcile the origins topic. We will read the Genesis account and a biography of Darwin. What do I do from there? Just have the older two write a compare and contrast paper and let each draw her own conclusion? Do I tell them of my own struggles with both creation and evolution?

 

Why can't both be embraced? DH started really searching for a deeper faith, really started studying for himself, instead of believing what others said, and on his spiritual journey, he has come to the conclusion both can be embraced. He sounds similiar to you and calls himself a Christian Deist. I am following behind him on his journey, but haven't quite come to the conclusions he has, yet. We do believe in creation, but the one question we've pondered this past year is: Why couldn't have God used evolution to create the world? Meaning, He could have been the author of the big bang and set the whole thing in motion. Or, he could have simply planted seeds on earth and let creation develop at will. He gives us free will, why not creation?

 

Have you read the Brian Maclaren trilogy, A New Kind of Christian? In the last book, The Last Word and the Word After That he talks about this.

 

As for contradictions in scripture, life is a paradox, isn't it? Both hard and simple, both bitter and sweet. There will be contradictions and that is the beauty of scripture. Seeing this has made us delve deeper into our study of scripture. We are not satisfied with pat answers anymore. The Bible is a beautiful, beautiful book, a literary masterpiece, God's word. There are those who reduce it to an answer book, a manual to live life. But, it is so much more than that!

 

I'll be thinking of you on your journey. I've had to deal with some of your same issues. DH and I are very very similiar in our beliefs, but there are a few things that are not the same, and I've really had to think about how I'm going to present the Bible and religion to my kids too. You are definitely not alone! :)

[Joanne]

I

am skeptical about the Bible and don't feel comfortable teaching it in depth or the "everything is God's plan" type history and science, but I haven't stepped completely away from a deist perspective either. I guess I am firmly on the fence.

 

I have considered teaching as though I believe to see if it can make me "see" what others see. The strange thing in all of this is I want the Bible to be real.

 

I'm bumping this thread up because it's been haunting me. I've thought about it at night, I've prayed about it. I didn't want to post because my reply is not popular in many homeschooling circles. And I despise when I post something that invites an onslaught of anonymous bad rep. I thought about replying privately. But quite honestly, I'd rather lurkers and members know that we are not sheeple, an homogenious, kool-aid drinking mass.

 

Dear OP,

 

There are many Christian deists who do believe the Bible to be True, Real, Truth and Accurate. They believe in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But they don't believe the Bible is intended to be a historical text. It is one that contains history. They believe that the book IS spiritual truth but not necessarily that every account, story, character and event is meant by design to represent actual events. We believe that the Bible is always TRUTH but that is truth through poetry, metaphor, parables. We believe that while God breathed and inspired, it was penned by men in a certain time, in certain cultures and that God did not *stop* the human influence from becoming part of the Bible.

 

There are plenty of Christians who believe deeply, fully, totally and unabashedly who are not literalists. I will never be surprised if/when biblical history is documented through contemporary discovery and science. But my faith in God is not contingent upon an actual flood, Jonah having been swallowed and regurgitated by a whale, countless God-lead bloody battles and Adam and Eve/Creation being the actual creation.

 

There are plenty of believers who believe in the Virgin conception, the delivery in Bethlehem, Jesus' ministry, passion, death and resurrection. We believe Jesus as God, man, son and Father.

 

Finally, there are plenty of Christians who are not exclusionary. While we believe in that Jesus is the Way, we believe that it's awful to limit God to our narrow experiential, culturally scripted experience of Him. I fully believe that, at the "gates", Native Americans (for example) will recognize Jesus in the same God as their Great Spirit. Many 12 step members who claim a Higher Power will have known and surrendered their life to Jesus but call Him differently.

 

God wants us because he loves us. He wants us because, in Him, we have life more abundantly. That scripture reference, IMO, is about life ON EARTH as more abundant - it is not about the hereafter. Jesus woos us in the way we are most likely to say YES, Lord!

 

If you *want* the Bible to be true, I encourage you to embrace it. If literalists are your stumbling block, know that a literalist approach to Christianity is not the only way to be a Christian.

 

{{many hugs}} on your journey to discover your spirituality definition.

[Murphy101]

Are you saying you are torn between teaching that what the ancients beleived (Zeus for example) was false and the bible? Or are you saying that you simply don't know if you believe any of it?

 

I am christian and I don't think we need to have the answers to everything. In fact, I hope not because I don't think that's possible!

 

origins - it's ALL theory. and NONE of those theories contradict God. I like the big bang joke. God said, "Let it be!" and BANG! it happened. :D Evolution, big bang, or genisis - my God is perfectly capable of doing it any way He wanted. All I need to believe is that it all started with Him.

 

This is often the case in these debates.

 

As for the bible, if your dh feels stronger about it - then I'd hand that to him to teach in the evening if you are that unsure of yourself.

 

Or if you and dh feel it might help, go ahead and teach the subject with your children and seee where discussions lead you. From my own experience, my children have caused me to really think and ponder what I think and believe and why with their questions!! There's been more than one occassion where we have had to do some serious research into something to see why the Catholic Church (my particuliar faith) teaches a certian truth or has a certain tradition or the reverse - why it teaches against something.

 

I think all good christians go through times of questions and doubts. It can be a great opportunity to grow in knowledge and faith.:grouphug:

[H.S. Burrow]

 

There are many Christian deists who do believe the Bible to be True, Real, Truth and Accurate. They believe in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But they don't believe the Bible is intended to be a historical text. It is one that contains history. They believe that the book IS spiritual truth but not necessarily that every account, story, character and event is meant by design to represent actual events. We believe that the Bible is always TRUTH but that is truth through poetry, metaphor, parables. We believe that while God breathed and inspired, it was penned by men in a certain time, in certain cultures and that God did not *stop* the human influence from becoming part of the Bible.

 

There are plenty of Christians who believe deeply, fully, totally and unabashedly who are not literalists. I will never be surprised if/when biblical history is documented through contemporary discovery and science. But my faith in God is not contingent upon an actual flood, Jonah having been swallowed and regurgitated by a whale, countless God-lead bloody battles and Adam and Eve/Creation being the actual creation.

 

There are plenty of believers who believe in the Virgin conception, the delivery in Bethlehem, Jesus' ministry, passion, death and resurrection. We believe Jesus as God, man, son and Father.

 

Finally, there are plenty of Christians who are not exclusionary. While we believe in that Jesus is the Way, we believe that it's awful to limit God to our narrow experiential, culturally scripted experience of Him. I fully believe that, at the "gates", Native Americans (for example) will recognize Jesus in the same God as their Great Spirit. Many 12 step members who claim a Higher Power will have known and surrendered their life to Jesus but call Him differently.

 

God wants us because he loves us. He wants us because, in Him, we have life more abundantly. That scripture reference, IMO, is about life ON EARTH as more abundant - it is not about the hereafter. Jesus woos us in the way we are most likely to say YES, Lord!

 

If you *want* the Bible to be true, I encourage you to embrace it. If literalists are your stumbling block, know that a literalist approach to Christianity is not the only way to be a Christian.

 

{{many hugs}} on your journey to discover your spirituality definition.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Joanne said it better than I could. Many other posters also said it better than I could. I personally believe it's wrong to put limits on God and what he can do and is capable of doing. My God is bigger than the box that a lot of Christians want to put Him in and limit Him to.

[Parrothead]

Why couldn't have God used evolution to create the world? Meaning, He could have been the author of the big bang and set the whole thing in motion. Or, he could have simply planted seeds on earth and let creation develop at will. He gives us free will, why not creation?

:iagree: