Who will admit to some Mini-Tigermom-Moments?

[Anne in CA]

Just for fun, who will cop to some questionable competitive parenting?:D

 

My own: (that I will own)

 

I made my dd practice the piano for 2 1/2 hours a day for several days before a recital even when she cried that she was tired. She was clearly the best pianist at the recital and she was grateful for the practice when she saw that.

 

I made my ds do schoolwork all summer when he had goofed off and had not completed his schoolwork in the spring. He did about seven hours a day for all of June, July and August when he wasn't at one of his summer camps or on vacation. He was 13 and I was making him finish 10th grade work. My extended family was upset with me because they felt he was already ahead so it was not a problem.

 

Until his Eagle BOR is scheduled, ds, 16 cannot play Xbox games.

 

Come on, what have you done?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Nope, sorry. You're the worst Tiger Mom on the boards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: Kidding!

 

Actually, the only thing that comes to mind right now is the time I made my son rehearse a speech aloud more than 50 times in a row. I wasn't going to let him stop until he got through it without one "um" and it took all evening. He was so mad! But the next day, when he delivered the speech, he didn't make any mistakes. He was even offered an internship by someone involved with the same project because of his material and because of his delivery. I'm never doing that again, though. It felt kind of risky to our relationship, TBH.

[Anne in CA]

You scared me, :lol:

[Lang Syne Boardie]

:biggrinjester:

[Joker]

I made older dd work through this past summer because she wanted to go to PS for middle school. They do their own assessments and I was worried. :blush:

 

She did great and was put in all Honor's classes but there are moments I feel bad about it.

[ErinE]

For every Tae Kwon Do belt testing, I make ds practice until he can do all his steps without thinking about it. He doesn't like doing it, but he's always done really well in his testing.

[swellmomma]

When I have noticed that my kids have been lazy in their work (goofing off, messy illegible work, or sloppy coloring on the maps, careless errors out of not paying attention etc) I have been known to not only make them correct the work but have crumpled up the page and made them start all over again. It doesn't happen often, but I refuse to put up with laziness as an excuse for sloppy work. (a couple errors in math due to carelessness, I make them erase and correct, but a map for example that they only half heartedly do so it is messy I make them start over after crumpling the first up and tossing it away). I have felt so mean doing it but I have to say it has paid off, I have only needed to remind of consequences this year not actually crumple anything up like in past years.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Well, there was the time I

 

oh.wait.

 

This is for the "mini" tigers.

 

n/m

 

:)

 

Babies.:lol:

[Dmmetler]

I found myself chewing out my 7 yr old for making silly mistakes on a math game she was playing on my iPod-only to remember that it was 10:00 at night and we were on a train home, and that the poor kid normally would have been asleep for a good two hours!

[JessReplanted]

Wow. And I was feeling a little guilty b/c I had to tell my son that something he made and put on the Christmas tree (a scrap of paper that was supposed to be a light saber) was not 'good' and was not worth saving.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Wow. And I was feeling a little guilty b/c I had to tell my son that something he made and put on the Christmas tree (a scrap of paper that was supposed to be a light saber) was not 'good' and was not worth saving.

 

I'm sorry, but I have to ask why you had to do that?

[SKL]

When my kid (around her 5th birthday) was just starting to learn piano, I was pleasantly surprised that she could make progress despite her vision issues. However, one day she kept playing "C" for the last note of a particular song, when it was supposed to be "E." At first I was kind about it, then "patient," and finally I raised my voice. She was upset with herself. I said, "why do you keep playing that note wrong even though we have gone over it and over it?" Her answer: "all the other songs end with "C." Which was true, up to that point in the book. I told her that was a good point, and we moved on.

 

I will "make" my kids read with me even when they are tired. I'll keep my kids out late for stuff I consider educational. I make them tie their own shoes no matter how many times they come untied (because that's happening due to carelessness).

[JessReplanted]

I'm sorry, but I have to ask why you had to do that?

 

It was literally a scrap of paper that he scribbled on. If there was any effort put into it at all, I would have saved it.

 

And honestly, I don't want to foster a false belief in my kids that every single thing they do is 'awesome'. Some things in life take effort and practice.

[spaceman]

:lurk5:

[Anne in CA]

Well, I'm glad I asked, this is comforting. The paper crumpling is a good idea, I wish I had started it myself, lol. They are probably too old now, alas:lol:

[SKL]

It was literally a scrap of paper that he scribbled on. If there was any effort put into it at all, I would have saved it.

 

And honestly, I don't want to foster a false belief in my kids that every single thing they do is 'awesome'. Some things in life take effort and practice.

 

I throw away the vast majority of my kids' "papers," and they know it. When they were babies, I used to have them draw on their high chair trays with washable crayon. If they want to produce a timeless masterpiece, they need to put a little more thought into it than the usual everyday drawing - just like in real life.

[swellmomma]

Well, I'm glad I asked, this is comforting. The paper crumpling is a good idea, I wish I had started it myself, lol. They are probably too old now, alas:lol:

 

:D Glad to hear someone thinks it is a good idea. My family thinks I am the meanest mom around to not accept and praise all their efforts. My point about it was there was no effort at all put into it. Kind of like the paper light saber. Though in that case I would not have said anything at all ;) and just did away with it while taking down the tree, by next xmas it would have been forgotten about anyway.

 

I think everyone has those moments. We all want our kids to do their best in all they do and not settle for half hearted attempts and laziness. To me it is no different than when we make them go back and rewash the dishes they did not wash right, or reclean the room they claimed they "cleaned" We do not accept laziness in chores, why accept it in school work? I don't mind being having tiger mom moments to teach my kids to put the effort in the first time (it's not about acheiving perfection about about the effort expended) and not settle for lazy work.

[5LittleMonkeys]

 

And honestly, I don't want to foster a false belief in my kids that every single thing they do is 'awesome'. Some things in life take effort and practice.

 

:iagree: I'm glad you said this! I really dislike the 'everyone gets a trophy just for showing up' mentality that I see running rampant. I know my dc well enough to know what is a best effort and what is just a half attempt. I don't have a problem with half attempts when they are just goofing around but if you are creating something to give as a gift or to use as decoration in the house then you better take pride in doing it and do a good job.

 

Similarly, dd8 threw together a Christmas card for dh one day and brought it to show me. She had spent a total of about 2 minutes on it in an attempt to get one done before her brother did. I told her I was disappointed that she was willing to give something like that to her dad and that I felt she should start over. She did, spent over 30 minutes on it and was extremely pleased with the results. She was even more pleased with her daddy's response when he saw it and she shot me a glance that to me said "thanks mom."

 

I don't really consider what I've read in this thread so far as tiger mom material. I consider it to be good parenting and teaching.

[WIS0320]

I have been known to not only make them correct the work but have crumpled up the page and made them start all over again.

 

Uh, I do this weekly with my 6 year old. I know how good her handwriting can be if she puts some effort into it and since we do it first thing I know she's not tired. I've crumpled many a paper and had her start over again and her handwriting has improved dramatically! I didn't realize this was Tiger Mom-ish until this thread. I thought it was just expecting on level work from my kid. ;)

[Anne in CA]

I do think everyone who posted is probably not a "Tiger Mom" but a parent who expects the best at least sometimes, but it is fun to see what other people do.

[swellmomma]

I do think everyone who posted is probably not a "Tiger Mom" but a parent who expects the best at least sometimes, but it is fun to see what other people do.

 

This I agree with completely. I know I am not a Tiger mom over all but I do expect at least as much effort in their school work as they put into their video games or hobbies. ;) If you can hack my password on the computer and finish an entire strategic video game in 72 hours you can do your math page correctly. I'm just saying...:tongue_smilie:

[eternalknot]

Well, there was the time I

 

oh.wait.

 

This is for the "mini" tigers.

 

n/m

 

:)

 

Babies.:lol:

 

 

Yeah*that! :tongue_smilie:

 

I haven't read her book, and only scanned the articles about her, but from what I've gleamed on this forum about the whole Tiger Mom deal ... that's the kind of home in which I grew up LOL.

 

My parents and I live together, so my kids' childhood isn't too different from my own. We are one of a few Asian families who live in this small, semi-rural 95% white (acc. to most recent census) town. To our ethnic friends we've gone soft; to our native-born neighbors, we're over-the-top :D.

[5LittleMonkeys]

If you can hack my password on the computer and finish an entire strategic video game in 72 hours you can do your math page correctly. I'm just saying...:tongue_smilie:

 

Oh, I love this and I'm going to use this on Monday with one particular dc.

[Bang!Zoom!]

PM me anytime EK.

 

I won't tattle on you if you won't tattle on me, k? :grouphug:

[sewingmama]

It's summer holidays here in Aus and I made my DD do some schoolwork today - I'm glad I did. Even though she has only been off for a week some of her skills are already declining and she forgot how to form quite a few letters.

 

I guess I don't really qualify as a Tiger mum though - I would never crumple up my child's paper in front of them - how demoralising for them. Can you not simply and kindly ask them to redo the work without the humiliation :confused:

 

I saw teachers do this to students when I went to school - every time the student slumped down in their chair shamed and humiliated and I never saw them produce better work for it -it made them give up trying.

[eternalknot]

PM me anytime EK.

 

I won't tattle on you if you won't tattle on me, k? :grouphug:

 

 

:D likewise, friend.

[Anne in CA]

I guess I don't really qualify as a Tiger mum though - I would never crumple up my child's paper in front of them - how demoralising for them. Can you not simply and kindly ask them to redo the work without the humiliation :confused:

 

I saw teachers do this to students when I went to school - every time the student slumped down in their chair shamed and humiliated and I never saw them produce better work for it -it made them give up trying.

 

Oh, I remember thinking I would never, ever mark anything in red pen, that would be so demoralizing. I have one child that would have been crushed by that, but I have two that need papers crumpled, and I wish I had thought of it when they were young enough to change. Believe me, their spirits would have been just fine. You have to have one of those kids to get it though, to anyone with kids like my first it would just sound cruel.

[jasar31629]

This I agree with completely. I know I am not a Tiger mom over all but I do expect at least as much effort in their school work as they put into their video games or hobbies. ;) If you can hack my password on the computer and finish an entire strategic video game in 72 hours you can do your math page correctly. I'm just saying...:tongue_smilie:

 

Hah! Awesome...I just read that to dh and we had a good laugh :D

 

I've been known to crumple papers...this is after I tell her it needs to be redone. I crumple all papers that go in the bin. :) It's pretty rare here though...she knows mom is a tough ol' bird and she doesn't get by with much in that regard.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I wish I had been more of a tiger mom. My son now has so many bad habits ingrained in him, it's demoralising. He's 14, and still can't handwrite properly - nothing is legible. He still can't draw.

His violin practices suck, instead of playing for 1 hour a day, it's more like 10 minutes per week. And now that he's not progressing, he wants to quit.

He still can't hand me a homework with his name on it, and also the date.

But yeah, he can spend hours playing video games. :cry:

[JessReplanted]

I wish I had been more of a tiger mom. My son now has so many bad habits ingrained in him, it's demoralising. He's 14, and still can't handwrite properly - nothing is legible. He still can't draw.

His violin practices suck, instead of playing for 1 hour a day, it's more like 10 minutes per week. And now that he's not progressing, he wants to quit.

He still can't hand me a homework with his name on it, and also the date.

But yeah, he can spend hours playing video games. :cry:

 

He's 14. It's not too late to become a bit more tiger-ish. I would take all video games away until he is meeting your expectations for his schoolwork.

[charlestonmom03]

I personally don't think this is "tiger-ish", but apparently the other moms in my group do... I made my ds8 memorize and recite the entire Declaration of Independence for our oral presentations last month. It took a lot of work on his part, but I knew he could do it and it was the first time memory work was a real challenge for him (these things usually come very quickly and easily for him). He worked hard and recited it without a single error, and he was very pleased with his efforts once it was all done. Some of the moms acted like it was a cruel thing to expect, while a few asked me if I'd have him tested as he clearly has a "gift"... I felt like saying his gift is having parents who have expectations for him.

[Iucounu]

I wish I had been more of a tiger mom. My son now has so many bad habits ingrained in him, it's demoralising. He's 14, and still can't handwrite properly - nothing is legible. He still can't draw.

His violin practices suck, instead of playing for 1 hour a day, it's more like 10 minutes per week. And now that he's not progressing, he wants to quit.

He still can't hand me a homework with his name on it, and also the date.

But yeah, he can spend hours playing video games. :cry:

I wouldn't keep paying for violin lessons. It sounds like you've lost that battle, and any further pressure to practice will just make him hate the instrument more. I'd also take away the video games, and make him work for rewards.

 

You don't have to be a tiger mom-- in fact you can probably incentivize him to meet proper goals by using some of the same things you'll be taking away. But it sounds like some initial remedial work will have to be done, and I wouldn't be giving any video games back for a looooooooooong time.

[Iucounu]

I promised my son a big prize if he would get through half a year's math study this week. :001_unsure: This was prompted by the fact that the school hasn't taught him any math yet this year, though, and that he was highly stressed out about being bored. I may have to return to afterschooling him on math, but I just wanted to partially remedy a bad half-year in PS, and didn't want it to be a bigger than necessary time burden after the return to school.

[JadeOrchidSong]

I personally don't think this is "tiger-ish", but apparently the other moms in my group do... I made my ds8 memorize and recite the entire Declaration of Independence for our oral presentations last month. It took a lot of work on his part, but I knew he could do it and it was the first time memory work was a real challenge for him (these things usually come very quickly and easily for him). He worked hard and recited it without a single error, and he was very pleased with his efforts once it was all done. Some of the moms acted like it was a cruel thing to expect, while a few asked me if I'd have him tested as he clearly has a "gift"... I felt like saying his gift is having parents who have expectations for him.

You rock!!! I am your fan!

I know kids can do it if you expect it out of them. That gives me an idea. We are studying the revolution now and I should ask my ds9 to do this. Thanks for being a great mom and teacher and a good model for me.

[Parrothead]

I wish I had been more of a tiger mom. My son now has so many bad habits ingrained in him, it's demoralising. He's 14, and still can't handwrite properly - nothing is legible. He still can't draw.

His violin practices suck, instead of playing for 1 hour a day, it's more like 10 minutes per week. And now that he's not progressing, he wants to quit.

He still can't hand me a homework with his name on it, and also the date.

But yeah, he can spend hours playing video games. :cry:

You know how to fix that. :grouphug:

[angela in ohio]

And honestly, I don't want to foster a false belief in my kids that every single thing they do is 'awesome'. Some things in life take effort and practice.

 

Society thanks you. :D

[angela in ohio]

Well, I read the Tiger Mom book (listened to it on the treadmill actually,) and I kept finding parts where I thought she was a pushover and lightweight. Does that count? :lol:

 

I was raised in the same way by an Irish immigrant family (df's father came over and started out as a bicycle messenger at the Ford plant, but saw his dc grow to do great things.) I don't know what you call it when it isn't Asian, but there are other groups who do the same things. If you didn't go to Notre Dame and graduate first in your class, woe to you. :D I learned a love of learning and a desire to be the best. I have tempered the desire to be the best because I changed faiths, but I kept the love of learning and challenge, which I treasure and pass on carefully to me dc.

[Ester Maria]

Can we talk reverse psychology as well? :D

 

Once I told my middle daughter something like this when she did not finish her Greek: "I am sorry, amore. I had overestimated you, I thought you would be able to do it. It is really not your fault, I understand that amount of lines was simply too difficult for you, that is okay, we do not have equal skills and possibilities. [sigh] I got carried away a little and forgot what was realistic for you."

 

The kid's jaw dropped.

About half an hour later, she came furious to my desk with the full translation and: "You are going to underestimate me, eh? You are going to be telling me this is out of the realm of my possibilities? You have NO IDEA, watch out, I am so going to prove you wrong. Just how do you DARE to underestimate me like that?"

 

And of course, her translation was 100%. :glare: Be wishy-washy about it, and she will do a half-hearted, C-level work. Infuriate her, and you will get an A-level work. This approach wears off, though, you must be careful not to overuse it, LOL.

[Dmmetler]

I've done that with DD in math when she's done a half-hearted job. If I act angry, she'll fight back-but if I tell her that "Oh, that's OK. I guess I picked something that's too hard for you now. We'll have to go to something simpler and come back later", she'll dive into it to prove that I'm wrong.

[JessReplanted]

Society thanks you. :D

 

:lol:

[JessReplanted]

Can we talk reverse psychology as well? :D

 

Once I told my middle daughter something like this when she did not finish her Greek: "I am sorry, amore. I had overestimated you, I thought you would be able to do it. It is really not your fault, I understand that amount of lines was simply too difficult for you, that is okay, we do not have equal skills and possibilities. [sigh] I got carried away a little and forgot what was realistic for you."

 

The kid's jaw dropped.

About half an hour later, she came furious to my desk with the full translation and: "You are going to underestimate me, eh? You are going to be telling me this is out of the realm of my possibilities? You have NO IDEA, watch out, I am so going to prove you wrong. Just how do you DARE to underestimate me like that?"

 

And of course, her translation was 100%. :glare: Be wishy-washy about it, and she will do a half-hearted, C-level work. Infuriate her, and you will get an A-level work. This approach wears off, though, you must be careful not to overuse it, LOL.

 

 

That's incredible. It really must depend upon the child's personality.

 

If I said that to my son, he would reply with something like:

"I forgive you. Can I play my game now?"

He has no problem believing that I'm just expecting too much from him. :glare:

[Random]

That's incredible. It really must depend upon the child's personality.

 

If I said that to my son, he would reply with something like:

"I forgive you. Can I play my game now?"

He has no problem believing that I'm just expecting too much from him. :glare:

 

:tongue_smilie: My son is exactly the same, JessReplanted.

[swellmomma]

That's incredible. It really must depend upon the child's personality.

 

If I said that to my son, he would reply with something like:

"I forgive you. Can I play my game now?"

He has no problem believing that I'm just expecting too much from him. :glare:

 

My son would do this too. He has such negative self talk that if I said that he would simply assume I was agreeing with him

[WIS0320]

I guess I don't really qualify as a Tiger mum though - I would never crumple up my child's paper in front of them - how demoralising for them. Can you not simply and kindly ask them to redo the work without the humiliation :confused:

 

I saw teachers do this to students when I went to school - every time the student slumped down in their chair shamed and humiliated and I never saw them produce better work for it -it made them give up trying.

 

Well, that is not the reaction I get from my 6 year old. It is a big fat sigh and an immediate willingness to do a better job so we can move on to something that she finds more interesting.

 

I think kids and their feelings about every darn thing are too focused on in our society and that a little paper crumpling and high expectations can be a good thing. I'm not humiliating her, I am simply saying through my actions that I expect better work. Better me to be the first paper crumple-er in her life than have it be when she's older and turned in a paper in college and gets a big fat F because it is lousy.

 

Maybe my DD is not super sensitive? :confused: I can count on one hand the times she's cried in the last 2 years (typically when she's gotten physically hurt). She's little now, yes, but I think life-long habits begin to be formed early and I'd rather set the standard now that she is going to have to put some effort in to her work.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I actually make my boys 1) take piano and 2) practice every day.

[silliness7]

I've done that with DD in math when she's done a half-hearted job. If I act angry, she'll fight back-but if I tell her that "Oh, that's OK. I guess I picked something that's too hard for you now. We'll have to go to something simpler and come back later", she'll dive into it to prove that I'm wrong.

 

You ladies are so clever. I have never thought of this but am darn well going to try it!!

[sewingmama]

I think kids and their feelings about every darn thing are too focused on in our society and that a little paper crumpling and high expectations can be a good thing. I'm not humiliating her, I am simply saying through my actions that I expect better work. Better me to be the first paper crumple-er in her life than have it be when she's older and turned in a paper in college and gets a big fat F because it is lousy.

 

And yet -a college professor who crumpled a student's paper would be called unprofessional. I still believe there are better ways to prevent a child from getting an F then demoralising them. :001_smile:

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I'm making my kids do schoolwork through the entire holiday--their fault as they are behind.

 

 

I will have to tell my kids they are not alone.

 

Or maybe not-that might make them feel better. ;)

[Anne in CA]

Clearly one theme here is that Mini Tiger Moms make kids finish school work over breaks and I am so glad I am not the only person to have done this. Although the bad summer of '08 was the last one we had to do so.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Clearly one theme here is that Mini Tiger Moms make kids finish school work over breaks and I am so glad I am not the only person to have done this. Although the bad summer of '08 was the last one we had to do so.

 

Definitely! We didn't stop for holiday, although we did slow down. After taking two weeks off last Christmas, and dd coming back, throwing herself across the desk and declaring she couldn't remember what 2+2 was, I promised myself no more extended breaks.

 

I've been called tiger-ish, but I don't have specific instances, other than me telling my kids that yes, there is such a thing as a stupid question and you'd better not waste my time with one. :tongue_smilie: