Showing up for one's life...

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Maybe it's partly because I've been watching Biggest Loser lately, but one thought has been going over and over in my mind the last few days. (I know, one thought isn't very impressive, but I just picked up four prescriptions for antibiotics yesterday for conjunctivitis, strep, bronchitis, and double ear infections (three kids and myself), so I've been a little rummy this week. :tongue_smilie:)

 

I'm even embarrassed to say where I first heard the comment, but it is this in a nutshell: "Not many people show up for their own lives."

 

So, the swirling questions:

 

Do you think it is true that many people aren't showing up for their own lives?

 

What does showing up for one's own life look like? What does one need to do to show up? How would you define 'showing up?'

 

Do you think you've shown up for your life? Was it a natural thing? Did you have an epiphany somewhere in the middle of your life when you thought, 'Hey, this isn't a real life. Something has to change.'

 

Anyone want to chime in with their thoughts on the subject? :001_smile:

[scrapbabe]

Intriguing question. I have no answer but would like to listen to others. I had cancer a couple of years ago right in the middle of a difficult time in my life and I would say I haven't been "showing up" for my life since then. I'd like to know what others have to say.

[-M-]

The idea of showing up for one's life reminds me of my own mantras: "Focus on the moment you're in" and "See them." Doing that -- and knowing that we did that, before -- has been a great source of comfort these last thirteen months.

 

Last month, I tried to put these ideas into words: 2.29.2000.

 

Am I always successful? No! But I am aware that that's the goal: appreciating the moment when it's here.

 

Telling them how much I appreciate it -- and them.

Admitting how inadequate to the task I sometimes am.

Celebrating the commonplace since days comprise more of that than anything else.

 

And, as I've shared before, even on those days when little else seems to have occurred or been accomplished or appeared worth noting, I do this: I look at them as though I saw them, really saw them. And they know it.

 

He knew it.

 

I saw him. And he knew it.

[QuirkyKapers]

The idea of showing up for one's life reminds me of my own mantras: "Focus on the moment you're in" and "See them." Doing that -- and knowing that we did that, before -- has been a great source of comfort these last thirteen months.

 

 

:iagree: This is the first thing I thought. It is being really there for whatever you are doing. Not daydreaming. Not thinking about the endless list of things that need to be done. Truly paying attention and enjoying the moment.

[learningmama]

:iagree: This is the first thing I thought. It is being really there for whatever you are doing. Not daydreaming. Not thinking about the endless list of things that need to be done. Truly paying attention and enjoying the moment.

 

 

I like this. I have a hard time doing this. Many times I live in the future and don't enjoy the present. Always working towards what happens next. Need to work on that.

[Zebra]

Sara Groves has a great song called, "I just showed up for my own life".

 

I remember the first time I heard it, I had a real revelation. All the pieces sort of fell together in my mind.

 

For me it was about feeling like I wasn't in control of ANYTHING. A lot of junk in my life, and always feeling like, "So and so wants me to do X, and I don't want to do X and I can't do anything about it." Then I realized I could say NO to people and situations. Maybe they wouldn't like it, but it was time for me to take control of my life and stop whining that everyone was "making" me do things. I was choosing to allow these things to happen to me, I wasn't a helpless victim.

 

It's probably different for different people. But in general it's that realization that life is short, and you are the captain of your own ship to a large extent.

[Oakblossoms]

I haven't been, but I am not in a good place. I used to think if you were just positive and paying attention to that still small voice God puts in your heart things will be ok. I am really struggling. Every single day is such a struggle. I try to enjoy something though. I do make lists now. Just to keep up and have something to accomplish.

 

Last night when my baby was up past midnight, I just stroked his cute little faces, gave him lots of kisses and enjoyed every little second of just him in the middle of the night. It was quiet and just the two of us. That moment could keep me going for a long time.

[woolybear]

I think it may mean stepping up to the possibilities that are available in your life. However, I think it's very subjective trying to define this. After I had my first son, I was a full time sahm. At some point I had a conversation with my brother and I said something like, ".....I do have other interests you know." To which he said, "Oh. I was beginning to get worried." Okay. So my point is this. To him, being a sahm or a full time hsing mom, may seem like I'm not showing up for my life (big career, travel, creative endeavors????) To me, this is showing up. Being here now. Could I do/have done something else, "more" with my life? Something else, yes. More? Subjective again. I don't think anyone else can determine my showing up. Now, I myself do question my choices now and then.

[Night Elf]

The first thing I thought about is how it's so easy to think too far ahead and not live in the moment. When we were kids, we wanted to be teens so we could drive. When we were teens, we wanted to be adults so we could have freedom (yeah yeah). Before we had kids, we looked forward to having kids. When they were in diapers, we looked forward to them being out of them. And etc. I'm very guilty of that. I've sometimes thought that I'm just in a holding period just waiting for my real life to start. Now, lest someone think I'm making a grand assumption for every human individual ever to have lived, is living or will live, please know I understand that not all people do this. This is just MY thought about what someone might mean when they make such a statement.

[Chris in VA]

I love this quote (which is from a cookbook, of all things)--it seems to be about accepting your life, which is part of showing up, imo.

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having, or thought I had the right to have." Kathy Butler

 

Living MY life, and stopping the complaining about it, or wishing it away--these are parts of showing up.

[-M-]

Do you think it is true that many people aren't showing up for their own lives?

 

Yes.

 

What does showing up for one's own life look like? What does one need to do to show up? How would you define 'showing up?'

 

Covered this in my previous reply.

 

Do you think you've shown up for your life? Was it a natural thing? Did you have an epiphany somewhere in the middle of your life when you thought, 'Hey, this isn't a real life. Something has to change.'

 

Yes. Sort of. And sort of, again.

 

Showing up may largely have been a response to how things were in my family when I was a child, so it wasn't so much that I had an epiphany. It was more that when I decided to become a mother, I, like many women, mentally intoned, "But not like my mother."

 

That said, showing up, focusing on the moment I'm in, seeing, attending? As I pointed out in my previous post, it's a minute-by-minute exercise. And some days? It's hard work.

 

But worth it.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Do you think it is true that many people aren't showing up for their own lives?

 

Yes.

 

What does showing up for one's own life look like? What does one need to do to show up? How would you define 'showing up?'

 

It means being in the moment, as others have said. Further, to me it means life is not inside a TV, a computer, even (gasp!) a book. It is not the newest technology or the perfect curriculum choice.

 

It is right there in front of you and all around you. It is making cookies with your kids and talking, really talking to them. It is stopping the rush of life and being there, sometimes in the quiet and sometimes in the chaos, but mostly in the mundane middle. It is relating to the people around you, including yourself. It's going to bed knowing you've done your best by yourself and your people. In short, it is simply expecting the best of yourself and then really trying.

 

Do you think you've shown up for your life? Was it a natural thing? Did you have an epiphany somewhere in the middle of your life when you thought, 'Hey, this isn't a real life. Something has to change.'

 

I find that the more tired and stressed I am, the less I show up. It is a sad irony, because that is when I am most required. Being purposeful helps. It's much harder to slide out of life without pulling yourself back in if you make a purposeful plan to recognize and correct when you start the next slide. That probably doesn't make any sense, but it's where I am. :D

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I've loved all the thoughts so far.

 

Paying attention. Really *seeing* the people in one's life. Appreciating the moments while one is in them. Not focusing too much on the past or future. Celebrating the little things.

 

I enjoy photography for the simple reason that it forces me to really see things. Details. New angles. Emotion. People. Moments. I think writing and journaling would have that same effect.

 

What about participating rather than being a passive observer? Or being intentional about one's health: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? To contemplate and *choose* how you spend your time, thoughts, and energy rather than letting life happen to you (or living the life someone else thinks you should live)?

[Elizabeth in WA]

Right at this very moment in time I would very much like to play hooky on my own life. Unfortunately, my life seems to be very much in my face at the moment. :auto:

[JenniferB]

I like the encouragment to *see* people. It reminds me of the blue people in that movie Avatar. I liked their society.

 

For me, I should get my face off the computer, phone, or out of a book to really *see* them.

 

The branch of Christianity I'm studying right now, Eastern Orthodoxy, talks about being present, especially when engaged in prayer and in Church.

[JenniferB]

I like the encouragment to *see* people. It reminds me of the blue people in that movie Avatar. I liked their society.

 

For me, I should get my face off the computer, phone, or out of a book to really *see* them.

 

The branch of Christianity I'm studying right now, Eastern Orthodoxy, talks about being present, especially when engaged in prayer and in Church.

[JenniferB]

Sorry for the double post, my phone is screwy, and I can't edit it now.

[cathmom]

The idea of showing up for one's life reminds me of my own mantras: "Focus on the moment you're in" and "See them."

 

 

The first thing I thought about is how it's so easy to think too far ahead and not live in the moment.

 

I have a different first thought than either of these. I think about really being who you were meant to be and not denying yourself. "to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." That's showing up, to me.

[justamouse]

Living in the present. And, the amazing thing about it, is when you focus on it, on being there every minute, life starts to slow down.

[Pretty in Pink]

I think it means living in the moments. Doing the things that you want to do. Doing the things that scare you. I don't want to look back on my life and think, "Gosh, I wish we would have just taken that vacation with the kids that we always wanted to take instead of putting it off again and again...I wish I would have just told so and so how I really felt about them...I wish I would have sang karoake just once but I was always too shy...I wish I would have run a 5k...I wish...I wish..."

[KJB]

IMO, we all get to decide what our life is going to be about and how authentically we want to experience our own life. Life is challenging, painful, scary.... Who am I do judge someone else's ability to cope when I might not understand their struggle?

 

I listened to this lecture this morning which I think connects to your question.

 

 

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

[5 Hikers]

I really loved 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. She discusses not really living in it.

 

I did this for years. You are so afraid of experiencing pain that you just exist and don't really live so you don't have to feel. The Truth was that I ended up being devastated by pain anyways; hiding didn't keep me from bad things. I think of all the years I could have enjoyed that are gone now. But each day is new, you can choose to live it to its fullest.

[Caribbean Queen]

"Not many people show up for their own lives."

 

One of those quotes which sound deep and meaninful, but really doesn't mean anything. Like, "Anywhere you go, there you are."

[Another Lynn]

I think it means I need to get off the board more, or if I'm going to be here, then start posting more. :D

 

But seriously.... I think it means being more intentional, less reactive.... and attentive as pps said. I think I go into "waiting" mode sometimes, especially near big events (i.e. Christmas). Maybe it's a side-effect of being a "linear" thinker? Do you think "showing up for one's life" has to do with executive function?

Edited December 17, 2011 by Another Lynn

[Onceuponatime]

And, as I've shared before, even on those days when little else seems to have occurred or been accomplished or appeared worth noting, I do this: I look at them as though I saw them, really saw them. And they know it.

 

.

 

 

It just hit me, this is where I've gone wrong in the past. Feeling as though I had never been seen, I (metaphorically) asked my children and my husband and my world to see me, when they needed me to break the cycle and see them. To do that, I had to stop waiting to be seen. I had to look in the mirror and say, "I see you." It felt as though I was breaking the law. I hope none of my children ever has to do that.

[Free]

The idea of showing up for one's life reminds me of my own mantras: "Focus on the moment you're in" and "See them." Doing that -- and knowing that we did that, before -- has been a great source of comfort these last thirteen months.

 

Last month, I tried to put these ideas into words: 2.29.2000.

 

Am I always successful? No! But I am aware that that's the goal: appreciating the moment when it's here.

 

Telling them how much I appreciate it -- and them.

Admitting how inadequate to the task I sometimes am.

Celebrating the commonplace since days comprise more of that than anything else.

 

And, as I've shared before, even on those days when little else seems to have occurred or been accomplished or appeared worth noting, I do this: I look at them as though I saw them, really saw them. And they know it.

 

He knew it.

 

I saw him. And he knew it.

 

Thank you so much for sharing. It is inspiring. I will remember to look at my own everyday and really see.

[Free]

I am just loving this thread. It is so inspiring. Every single post.

 

I have struggled for a long time with showing up for my life. But this past year I have tried and I find that it becomes easier each day as I remind myself to pay attention. Pay attention to the daily sounds and smells, to the taste of food, to my son's constant chatter.

 

It also becomes easier the more I chose to accept myself, my family and my life for what it is. By Acceptance, I mean dropping the labels of good and bad. Allowing others to just be.

 

I have come to believe that nothing is inherently good or bad. When we make them bad in our mind, we pave the way for bitterness, resentment and anxiety.

[ChristyB in TN]

The idea of showing up for one's life reminds me of my own mantras: "Focus on the moment you're in" and "See them." Doing that -- and knowing that we did that, before -- has been a great source of comfort these last thirteen months.

 

Last month, I tried to put these ideas into words: 2.29.2000.

 

Am I always successful? No! But I am aware that that's the goal: appreciating the moment when it's here.

 

Telling them how much I appreciate it -- and them.

Admitting how inadequate to the task I sometimes am.

Celebrating the commonplace since days comprise more of that than anything else.

 

And, as I've shared before, even on those days when little else seems to have occurred or been accomplished or appeared worth noting, I do this: I look at them as though I saw them, really saw them. And they know it.

 

He knew it.

 

I saw him. And he knew it.

 

I have returned to the board after being gone for a long time. I didn't know. I am so sorry. I have loved your posts for years and I am sitting at my desk crying while reading your blog to catch up. Thank you for sharing and for also sharing your strength and your words. Just...thank you.

 

As for being present in my life, I probably am not present as much as I would like to be. I do not always enjoy my job and find that I don't enjoy so much contact with the public. I probably shouldn't be here. However, I get to work with my husband, my daughter is free to lie in the floor of my office and do her schoolwork, and my hours are flexible. I find I spend a lot of time trying to think of something else I could do without losing the perks that come with my business. When I am happy I am present and do not take it for granted.

[Liz CA]

Enjoy the good days, don't be afraid to feel the pain when life falls apart. Be willing to pick up the pieces, change course, be flexible. Find your passion and talent and develop it. Realize, time is short, be thankful, when in doubt, pray and love someone. :001_smile: (Deep thoughts early in the morning - for me ;) )

[elfgivas]

sure i will go tobagging (not send the kids, but go and have fun)

sure i will go snow camping

 

and being fully present

 

and turning off media, which i am going to do right now....

ann

[elfgivas]

One of those quotes which sound deep and meaninful, but really doesn't mean anything. Like, "Anywhere you go, there you are."

 

i actually love this quote. lots of folks think if they just moved, everything would be better. but mostly, it will be the same, because "wherever you go, there you are".... if we don't deal with our own stuff, then things will be the same....

 

ann

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

I love this quote (which is from a cookbook, of all things)--it seems to be about accepting your life, which is part of showing up, imo.

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having, or thought I had the right to have." Kathy Butler

 

Living MY life, and stopping the complaining about it, or wishing it away--these are parts of showing up.

 

That quote was made for me.

[Missouri Okie]

I live in a fog of daydreams. I think thinking is vital and and has its place as do planning and dream-making. However, I, for one, need to offset all the dreaming and planning with a little actual DOING.

 

IMO, Stephen Covey is on the right track about establishing a mission statement to live by and setting goals consistent with that overarching mission.

 

Also, for me, my life would be better with replacing self-indulgent habits, which contribute to malaise and laziness, with a disciplined life.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Also, for me, my life would be better with replacing self-indulgent habits, which contribute to malaise and laziness, with a disciplined life.

 

This is a perfect summation of my reason for frequent self-loathing.

[sassenach]

To me, this is a 100% spiritual mandate. To "show up" means to understand that we live in a spiritual world and that I cannot allow myself to be consumed by the things of this world. I think that encompasses a lot of the being present, being content, prioritizing, and perspective that is shared in the above responses. I don't want Oprah's version of "Showing up for my life," I want God's version.

[Mona100]

I love this quote (which is from a cookbook, of all things)--it seems to be about accepting your life, which is part of showing up, imo.

 

"I began facing the life I had, not the life I dreamed of having, or thought I had the right to have." Kathy Butler

 

Living MY life, and stopping the complaining about it, or wishing it away--these are parts of showing up.

 

 

Ooo, Ooo, Oooo...So so profound. I love that quote. I have such a hard time letting good of the past and the coulda beens or shoulda beens. I just graduated with my BS earlier this year at the age of 34 and honestly, I am not as happy about it as I should be because I think I should have done this 5 years ago or 10 years ago. I also have started to get a grip on my finances with the same thing in my head; I shoulda done this or I coulda done this. It drives me crazy. It it hard to except how your life turns out I guess.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Sometimes I feel like I've done nothing in a day. Then I sit down and write out what I've done and am often surprised that it was a lot more than I thought. I think sometimes stuff becomes automatic so we barely realize we are doing it at all.

 

I really don't want to show up for life while washing dishes anyway.

 

Yes, everyone does get three squares, clean clothes, a solid education, a safe home, and all the other basics of life here. That's something. :D For some bizarre reason, doing dishes is actually a chore I don't mind. Now, dusting. That's another demon entirely. :lol:

 

The truth, however, is that many times I give the bare minimum when I should expect more of myself. I know there are seasons and that I have to give myself credit for accomplishing even the mundane on a daily basis, but I also think that sometimes I use the mundane as an excuse to stop short of being the person I aspire to be. I don't want to settle for the lowest common denominator of my own abilities. I want the extra credit. The A+ life. :tongue_smilie:

[cathmom]

I was thinking about this thread this morning as I was watching "Selling New York." When this show first came on, I wanted to watch it. I've always liked looking at houses. My family when I was growing up would go out on weekends and look at model homes. We all loved it!

 

But my dh cannot stand the show. Money is extremely tight for us and he cannot watch shows about houses that cost millions. Also, my daughters were really criticizing the show as well. So I stopped recording it.

 

But then I missed it. And I finally announced to them that I was not going to give in to their peer pressure :D and I was going to watch the show that I found interesting whether they liked it or not. That's what I meant about being true to yourself and who you are, even though it's just a small example.

 

Now, I have absolutely zero interest in "Selling LA." :lol:

Edited December 17, 2011 by cathmom

[Ester Maria]

One of those quotes which sound deep and meaninful, but really doesn't mean anything. Like, "Anywhere you go, there you are."

Exactly.

 

From a factual standpoint, you ARE living your life, no matter what you are doing. :lol:

[KungFuPanda]

Can I add one of my favorite quotes?

 

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. " -Howard Thurman