S/O - Courting?

[stripe]

Perhaps. But I would imagine that a young man trying to prove to his family, his church, and his future wife that he's husband material is going to put his best foot forward, not necessarily the most honest one. I'd want to be able to get to know my future husband without all that pressure.

 

 

Some women and their family might ask to see pay stubs and bank statements, and may be familiar with the man's friends, so it's not as if his claims couldn't be verified. Also, by observing each other, I frankly think a lot of truth comes out pretty quickly.

 

I hope any man puts his best foot forward, no matter the situation, and that he tries to conduct himself honestly and honorably.

 

Plenty of lying men hanging out in bars, claiming to be single, for example.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I went to the wedding once of a couple that courted. I don't think they were allowed to be alone together and always had a chaperone nearby. The woman's dad gave them permission to court and told the young man he had two months to either propose or break up forever. (They knew of each other before, but didn't really know each other.) Talk about high pressure! Two months to make a lifetime decision.

 

I hope it works out, because if they later discover they made a bad choice, I personally would partially blame the dad for his rediculous rules. I would've felt much better if the bride and groom had grown up together. In the circle of our former church, they are the only couple to court and get married (except for some overseas internet dating site couples), so they are likely to be seen as the example for other families to follow.

[Crimson Wife]

I'm a fan of courting rather than dating because in courtship, the couple is both of marriageable age and the intention is to see if the other individual would be a suitable marriage partner. Recreational dating and especially casual s*x is not something I want for my children.

 

I didn't exactly court DH but he was my only serious boyfriend and before we got serious, we agreed that we wanted to marry "someday".

 

The patriarchal version of courtship makes me :ack2:

[LAmom]

My husband and I desire courtship for our children. This is in a Christian context and I don't know how it would work out for non-Christians. (Also, not saying ALL Christians practice this)

 

For us, we would want to encourage no dating until they are actually ready for marriage. Meaning, none of this nonsense high school dating. It is unproductive, unhelpful and at more risk for sexual sin. Like one person that promotes courtship says, it is like giving a little piece of your heart away to each guy (girl) and having a tiny piece left for your spouse. As Christians, we believe that sex before marriage is wrong and, therefore, would want to aid in keeping our children "pure" in the best way we can. We are not crazy fundamentalists or overly strict, etc. I just see it as a beautiful model and a way to protect your children, especially daughters. I have seen it work out in families that practice it. Many of the highschoolers in our church don't date, though not necessarily all the parents would say they hold to "courtship." The one girl that is dating has been in numerous bad situations, caught with her boyfriend and no parental insight. When I talked to her, she basically told me it is a meaningless relationship she just likes the attention (that she is not getting from her parents). UGH.

 

There is no contract involved. In the case of a daughter, the parents are the ones the boy would go to asking permission to date, etc. We would encourage group settings, social settings, etc. It really does depend on age. I just don't know how it works out for girls nowadays that are so independent and off to college. WE WILL ENCOURAGE our daughters to go to college. We would still desire to be a part of their "love life." It is not about keeping them in our home, though that is fine, too, if they attend a college nearby. We would encourage our boys to work with the father of the girl he was interested in.

 

If any of our children are not Christians when they are older, then I don't think this model would play out as well. We would hope they still have respect for us. :glare:

 

My husband asked my dad if he could marry me. My dad kind of laughed. It doesn't work when parents aren't Christians. I don't even understand how it would work for non-Christians.

 

Definitely NOT arranged marriage. Not for that at all. We hope to raise our kids to care about our input and approval. It will work out differently for each child and for each family.

 

I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a book I like on the topic. Meaningless dating...ugh. Doug and Nancy Wilson also have good stuff on the topic.

 

Yes, Duggars practice it. I am not a Duggar fan but agree with their model of dating. Call it what you want. It has different meanings for different people. I am so surprised at the lack of understanding of it on the boards. Guess we are the oddballs here. :tongue_smilie:

 

I do not know what to expect or how it will work out for us. We know our desires and standards according to Scripture but how it will all play out, we will see. We want what is best for our children--not us. They will not be little puppets controlled by their masters.

[Mergath]

Some women and their family might ask to see pay stubs and bank statements, and may be familiar with the man's friends, so it's not as if his claims couldn't be verified. Also, by observing each other, I frankly think a lot of truth comes out pretty quickly.

 

I hope any man puts his best foot forward, no matter the situation, and that he tries to conduct himself honestly and honorably.

 

Plenty of lying men hanging out in bars, claiming to be single, for example.

 

Somehow, that makes the whole practice seem even creepier.

 

I'm not saying that guys are intentionally hiding things in situations like this, but with all that pressure, it has to be hard to be yourself. If I was evaluating a potential husband, I'd want to see the stinky, hairy foot I'm going to have to live with every day forever, not the best foot. :tongue_smilie: But, of course, it depends on how we're using the word "courtship." I'm talking more about the Duggar-type courtship (as I understand it), not people who just date with marriage in mind. Didn't the Duggar son and spouse basically just hang out a few times with the parents present and then get engaged? That's more what I'm referring to.

[JumpyTheFrog]

But I would imagine that a young man trying to prove to his family, his church, and his future wife that he's husband material is going to put his best foot forward, not necessarily the most honest one.

 

I agree with this. I know several men in our former church that would be very inclined to turn away young men that didn't want to homeschool, wanted to use contraception, or would encourgage their wives to work. While I don't know how many young men would lie outright about these issues, I bet there are enough that would "go with the flow" because they don't really know what they think yet. Then, later on, the women might feel like a "bait and switch" happened, when he decides what he really thinks.

[LAmom]

I'm a fan of courting rather than dating because in courtship, the couple is both of marriageable age and the intention is to see if the other individual would be a suitable marriage partner. Recreational dating and especially casual s*x is not something I want for my children.

 

I didn't exactly court DH but he was my only serious boyfriend and before we got serious, we agreed that we wanted to marry "someday".

 

The patriarchal version of courtship makes me :ack2:

 

 

There are definitely different levels of it out there. It can be too much, especially if the girl is much older and much more independent that they were "back in the day."

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't think recreational dating=casual sex.

 

I have said before, my aunt gave me good advice when I was a teen. She told me to go on lots of dates. She said I should go to dinner and the movies and have fun. But, not to continue to date someone that I wouldn't want to marry. So, I did.

 

I was able to see lots of guys in lots of different situations and scenarios. It helped me figure out what I could live with and what I couldn't. What did I want? What did I not want? That is going to look different for everyone.

 

I would never equate that to casual sex, ever.

[Mergath]

My husband and I desire courtship for our children. This is in a Christian context and I don't know how it would work out for non-Christians. (Also, not saying ALL Christians practice this)

 

For us, we would want to encourage no dating until they are actually ready for marriage. Meaning, none of this nonsense high school dating...

 

So who gets to decide when your kid is "ready" for marriage?

[AmyontheFarm]

My parents wouldn't allow me to date one-on-one until I was at least 16, and the young man had to ask my father for permission to take me out on a date. I HATED this, until one day some friends of friends started a campaign to get me to date this young man who I didn't want to date. He was sweet but just not my type and he was happy with the thought of us dating. Well, these friends just wouldn't stop, so I told the young man he would have to ask my father for permission first. He readily agreed! Asked when my dad would be home and he'd pop over to chat with my Dad! I had a small freak out by myself on the way home and I burst into the house screaming that if any guy named Pat came over that Daddy HAD to say no! :glare: Obviously, I wasn't mature enough to date anyone if I had to have my Daddy crush a young man's dream.

 

My father was so awesome, he actually took this young man out for coffee, asked about his passions in life, his goals, etc. Finally, the boy came to realize that the only thing we had in common was a few friends. So, my father explained that he couldn't date me because it wouldn't be fair to the precious young women who was waiting for him to find her. Apparently, Pat shook his hand and thanked him, they met one more time but not to discuss me but instead photography, apparently my father had more in common with him than I did! LOL

 

A few years later when the man who I eventually married asked my dad if he could take me out on a group date with a group of youth from church. My father asked him how we would get to the restaurant, where we'd be going and how I'd get home, along with who'd be our chaperone. Walt was able to give him answers to all those questions and my dad gave his ok, without talking to me! I remember thinking, hey don't I get a say? But at the same time this was the first time I was actually allowed to go hang out with the youth group after church, so I figured it would be fun. I was nervous and so excited to be going out on my first group date. Walt realized that I was still too immature to be dating alone yet so, we went with the church group on group dates for over a year. I wasn't going "steady" so I was free to make friends with other guys and I actually went to a Valentine's Dinner with another boy and my Aunt and Uncle who were trying to set us up. That was a flop! When we finally started going on dates just the two of us, I knew that I was going to marry him. In total we dated for 5 years and now we've been married for 18.5 years.

 

To me courtship is more about guidelines that allow each party to walk away from the relationship with their heads up high. I think it offers protection for the younger girl by allowing her father to speak on her behalf. But it also allows the young women to be protected by her father. At 15 I had my heart set on a young man, my father stated in no uncertain terms that I would never be allowed to date this young man. I was furious! But in retrospect, my father was very wise, because my husband and I are friends with this man and his wife today. If I had married this man, I'd be up on manslaughter charges, cause I could just strangle him for some of the stupid things he's done to his wife and career.

 

So, I believe that courtship has blessings for a young women, but my father always told me that who I married was MY choice. Yeah, he pushed me into that first group date with Walt, but my dad knew that I needed a bit of a push from the nest, just to test my wings. And my truly grateful that he did.

[LAmom]

I went to the wedding once of a couple that courted. I don't think they were allowed to be alone together and always had a chaperone nearby. The woman's dad gave them permission to court and told the young man he had two months to either propose or break up forever. (They knew of each other before, but didn't really know each other.) Talk about high pressure! Two months to make a lifetime decision.

 

I hope it works out, because if they later discover they made a bad choice, I personally would partially blame the dad for his rediculous rules. I would've felt much better if the bride and groom had grown up together. In the circle of our former church, they are the only couple to court and get married (except for some overseas internet dating site couples), so they are likely to be seen as the example for other families to follow.

 

I think the not being alone together makes sense...at least at first. Then eventually have dates in public settings. You have to get to know each other a little more intimately. I don't agree with the propose or breakup forever.

 

Ideally, friendship for awhile, in group settings, etc., and then love interest developing later would be best. I was good friends with my husband for over 2 years before we dated another 2 years before getting married. I knew him well and there really were no surprises. We desire this for our kids.

[JumpyTheFrog]

The patriarchal version of courtship makes me :ack2:

 

Unfortunately, I am only familiar with the patriarchal version (which in my view, seems to be mostly about appearances and parental meddling).

[LAmom]

So who gets to decide when your kid is "ready" for marriage?

 

The parents and child. Not ready is high school when the guy can't even provide for a family. Ideally (I use that word a lot, huh) college would be finished, but if one of our children find the one they think they should marry, then I would have a hard time making them wait. I didn't wait and things worked out fine. Ultimately, the kids get the final say if they are ready or not, we can only advise, not control.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I was good friends with my husband for over 2 years before we dated another 2 years before getting married. I knew him well and there really were no surprises. We desire this for our kids.

 

We were together for almost as long before getting married. We had about as few surprises as possible. It must be way more stressful marrying someone you don't know as well.

[scrappyhappymama]

Didn't the Duggar son and spouse basically just hang out a few times with the parents present and then get engaged? That's more what I'm referring to.

 

According to the Duggars' book, they met at a camp that both families attended each year and visited there many times. Josh was interested in courting Anna and asked her if she'd be interested in being courted by him. Then he asked her father for permission as well. Since they lived far apart, most of their courtship was by phone (with someone else on the line) and their in person "dates" were with a sibling or two along. Once they were engaged, they did talk on the phone without anyone else listening in.

[In2why]

I was just reading about what courting looked like in 1881, in a book on social behavior written then. It was not the way that many Christian homeschoolers have defined it, wherein girls live at home without ever socializing alone with boys; the book specifically said that ladies and gentlemen should "date" (they didn't use that word, but that's what was described) multiple other ladies and gentlemen, and never focus on one person unless there was marriage in mind. That was courting: seeing one person exclusively, even after having attended many social activities with others.

 

 

This is how I always thought of it, although I freely admit to ignorance on the subject. I think my only knowledge comes from the movie "The Patriot" where the mother is sewing the boy up in a sack so he can be in bed with the girl but not touch her, and the Mom says she sews better than her mother did. :lol:

[Veritaserum]

I don't think recreational dating=casual sex.

 

I have said before, my aunt gave me good advice when I was a teen. She told me to go on lots of dates. She said I should go to dinner and the movies and have fun. But, not to continue to date someone that I wouldn't want to marry. So, I did.

 

I was able to see lots of guys in lots of different situations and scenarios. It helped me figure out what I could live with and what I couldn't. What did I want? What did I not want? That is going to look different for everyone.

 

I would never equate that to casual sex, ever.

 

:iagree: I started dating when I was 16. I was a virgin when I got married. I went on a lot of first dates. I went on a few second dates. I said no if I wasn't interested. I kissed a few boys/men if we got into exclusivity. I broke things off when I realized it was not a good longterm fit. I interacted with men in a variety of settings. I learned what I like and don't like in a partner.

 

By the time dh and I moved passed friendship and into actual dates, I knew what I wanted in a spouse. He knew what he wanted because he had also dated many potential partners. After six months of exclusive dating/courtship, we got engaged and were married 3.5 months later. We made the decision on our own.

 

I can't imagine having our parents involved in such a huge, personal, and life-altering decision. My dad's taste in men is not necessarily mine. ;) Dh has attributes that my father would have looked for, but he lacks others that my father values and I don't.

[In2why]

The girls I've seen who courted actually knew much more about the young man than I ever knew about men I dated. They got to see them in the context of family and church life (both families spend a lot of time together,) as opposed to just the fun of movies and dinner. They have conversations with their family and the young man of topics I didn't ever think to ask during dating: family, finances, etc.

 

OP, it's really hard to define here because there is such a WIDE range of definitions for that word. What some people describe as courting looks just like how I dated, and what some people do in dating looks more like courting. Usually the use of the word denotes some type of thoughtful process and an end goal of a successful marriage (and - usually - a commitment to some type of purity.)

 

We aren't going to call what our dc do courting, but that's just because it's such a lightning rod. The girls have already made decisions to not date until they are in college, and then to involve dh and I heavily. It just makes sense to have all the help you can from trusted advisers when you are making one of the biggest decisions of your life.

 

 

When you are courting with strong family involvement what happens when one of them decide that this isn't the person they want to marry? How does that happen or look? Do churches and friends get torn apart because of hurt feelings, or do the couple go through with it because to do otherwise would be frowned upon. I think that is my biggest problem with it, it seems like Courting would be a lot of pressure to accept the person for a spouse even if you barely know them when you begin "courting" and find out later that they have a habit that drives you bonkers.

[In2why]

I don't think recreational dating=casual sex.

 

I have said before, my aunt gave me good advice when I was a teen. She told me to go on lots of dates. She said I should go to dinner and the movies and have fun. But, not to continue to date someone that I wouldn't want to marry. So, I did.

 

I was able to see lots of guys in lots of different situations and scenarios. It helped me figure out what I could live with and what I couldn't. What did I want? What did I not want? That is going to look different for everyone.

 

I would never equate that to casual sex, ever.

 

 

I agree. This is how I dated. The majority of my dates didn't even involve a kiss goodnight, much less sexual contact. But I can't imagine even knowing what I wanted in a husband without first knowing what I didn't want. I keep wondering how a young person could know their own preferences without dating. Unless their parents tell them what they want in a partner. Of course I guess there are plenty of men and women out there who wind up with partners that are horrible, so they don't know what they deserve either. Very interesting ideas.

[ktgrok]

I very much agree with the idea of dating quite a bit, lots of first dates, but not continuing to date anyone that you realize you wouldn't marry. I think getting too serious too soon is a problem. Better to date some and then decide. The courtship model seems to put too much pressure too soon.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Somehow, that makes the whole practice seem even creepier.

 

I'm not saying that guys are intentionally hiding things in situations like this, but with all that pressure, it has to be hard to be yourself. If I was evaluating a potential husband, I'd want to see the stinky, hairy foot I'm going to have to live with every day forever, not the best foot. :tongue_smilie: But, of course, it depends on how we're using the word "courtship." I'm talking more about the Duggar-type courtship (as I understand it), not people who just date with marriage in mind. Didn't the Duggar son and spouse basically just hang out a few times with the parents present and then get engaged? That's more what I'm referring to.

 

For what it's worth, Mergath, I don't like the more stringent "courtship" models either. It strikes me funny though to realize that dh and I technically courted. I was older (27 when I met him) and had been in some pretty bad relationships, including one where I discovered the man already had a wife and a child. When dh's and my friendship started to become romantic, I told him right off that I wasn't willing to play around. If he was interested in marriage, fine. If not, he could take a hike. He stayed around.;) We had no one supervising us - it was just dating with a purpose. We only "courted" a few months before getting engaged but our engagement lasted for 2 years. I'm glad that I had that two years to find out for sure that he was really who he said that he was.

[JumpyTheFrog]

The courtship model seems to put too much pressure too soon.

 

One of the men we know tried to arrange courtships with a few different women. In each case, the woman's father gave him the boot because he had lost his virginity about a decade eariler, as a (I think) non-Christian. They didn't seem to care that he had repented and was waiting until marriage. He finally went to an international dating website to find himself a "submissive" Christian wife that wouldn't have a dad denying him permission to court his daughter.

 

In the patriarchal type families we know, the girls are mostly sitting around waiting for Mr. Perfect to materialize. The oldest is about 27 or 28. She's been out of high school for almost ten years, with no college, no job training, nothing except mother's helper stuff. What if Mr. Right was scared away by the idea of courtship and she ends up single?

 

Would you have jumped through a bunch of hoops to court your spouse after meeting him once or twice? My DH wasn't even on my radar until we'd spent a few months walking to class or eating lunch together as friends. Under a courtship model, we never would've gotten together.

[mytwomonkeys]

when i think of courtship, i consider it intentional dating. it is when you aren't dating just for the sake of dating. i did not experience courtship & had never even heard of "waiting to date" while i was growing up. personally, i do hope my kids will do the complete opposite of my own choices. i do plan to discuss courtship with my kids personally & i will buy a couple of books on waiting to date & courtship. there certainly is enough out there to tell them what's the "norm", but i believe it will benefit them to know the benefits of not dating as well.

[Veritaserum]

Thinking of scared-off men, what about the shy guys? The ones that finally come out of their shell when the outgoing women notice how smart and funny they are? Sometimes it's a confident lady that needs to do the chasing. :)

[JumpyTheFrog]

Thinking of scared-off men, what about the shy guys? The ones that finally come out of their shell when the outgoing women notice how smart and funny they are?

 

Excellent point. Shy guys aren't likely to approach a girl's dad. Neither are guys that are very independent and don't like parental meddling.

[Melissa in Australia]

My DH and I courted.

Basically we were fully chaperoned for our whole courtship. we courted for about 4 months before we got engaged, then got married 3 months after that ( maybe less).

I found the whole thing pretty stressful, especially having my 7 younger brothers and sisters snickering in the background the whole time.. sort of think along the lines of Cheaper by the Dozen (book)...

DH came from a different background to me, he had dated women before. His views on courtship was it was way more exciting than dating.

[annandatje]

I disagree strongly with the idea of marrying someone you don't know well because your parents like him/her. That's not mocking, it's just common sense. Many people in the cultures you mentioned have been moving away from that system for a reason.

 

I agree because to know someone well, it takes a long period of observing a person's behavior and reactions in varying scenarios. Especially if you are always chaperoned, the interested parties will have their party manners on.

[annandatje]

If dating with marriage in mind constitutes a version of courtship, courtship is very widespread in most cultures.

 

In my culture, "courting" and "sparking" were synonyms for dating.

[ereks mom]

when i think of courtship, i consider it intentional dating. it is when you aren't dating just for the sake of dating.

 

:iagree: FWIW, neither of my dc have "dated", meaning, as mytwomonkeys said, "dating for the sake of dating"--IOW, "serial dating", as we call it. Now, my dc are definitely not undesirable; both are attractive, intelligent, and FUN! They are both popular among their friends, including those of the opposite sex, but they make it clear that they do not "date". Well, EK still does. ER has actually met a young lady and they intend to be married in a few years. He never "dated" anyone until he met this young woman while he was away at college. They had a class together and got to know one another because they worked on a project together, but did not go out as a couple--only with a group. Eventually, after they had been friends for several months, and they realized that this what more than just a passing attraction (which is the case with most couples who are involved in "serial dating") they started going out on dates. More time passed, and they began to talk about a future together. They plan to be married after they finish college and get started in their careers.

[MamaSheep]

Thanks everyone for answering! I was quite surprised that there wasn't one clear answer on how modern day courting is actually practiced!

 

I have an additional question that no one really answered - what does a contract entail in reference to courting? Is it actually written and signed? Who authors the contract? What does it entail? Have you ever done this yourself or for your dc? Or have a close friend or family member who has?

 

Thanks! :)

 

SJ

 

Contract? :confused: Really?

 

The things I learn hanging out around here...

[Rosie_0801]

So, I believe that courtship has blessings for a young women, but my father always told me that who I married was MY choice. Yeah, he pushed me into that first group date with Walt, but my dad knew that I needed a bit of a push from the nest, just to test my wings. And my truly grateful that he did.

 

You got lucky in the parent lottery. My father once tried to set me up with an unemployed, high school dropout. :001_huh:

 

Rosie

[In2why]

You got lucky in the parent lottery. My father once tried to set me up with an unemployed, high school dropout. :001_huh:

 

Rosie

 

 

And I know I would be single because my Dad would never meet a man he thought was good enough for me. :D

 

 

I also wonder where the Mothers fit into the picture of Courtship. I know I know my adult daughter much better than DH does, and can't imagine him choosing a young man that my daughter would even consider. Perhaps that is the point, that she doesn't know what is good for her in the long run.

[ereks mom]

I thought courting was dating or otherwise getting to know one another with the purpose of marriage in mind.

 

These are totally separate from arranged marriage or forced marriage, or just the idea of introductions by friends or family members. I don't think those who force their children to get married to someone, bother with courting, frankly.

 

:iagree:

 

I think the term just sounds dumb. I think it should be replaced by "wooing." That sounds kind of hot. Maybe because of that double-o, like swoon.

 

 

Yes! :lol:

[LMD]

And I know I would be single because my Dad would never meet a man he thought was good enough for me. :D

:lol: awwww...

 

I have to say, DH is already picking out why all the boys in youth group are not good enough for our daughter! He caught himself and said self-depreciatingly 'you know no-one will ever be good enough for my girl'

[PeacefulChaos]

Thanks everyone for answering! I was quite surprised that there wasn't one clear answer on how modern day courting is actually practiced!

 

I have an additional question that no one really answered - what does a contract entail in reference to courting? Is it actually written and signed? Who authors the contract? What does it entail? Have you ever done this yourself or for your dc? Or have a close friend or family member who has?

 

Thanks!

 

SJ

I have never heard of a contract before. :confused: Never.

 

My parents wouldn't allow me to date one-on-one until I was at least 16, and the young man had to ask my father for permission to take me out on a date. I HATED this, until one day some friends of friends started a campaign to get me to date this young man who I didn't want to date. He was sweet but just not my type and he was happy with the thought of us dating. Well, these friends just wouldn't stop, so I told the young man he would have to ask my father for permission first. He readily agreed! Asked when my dad would be home and he'd pop over to chat with my Dad! I had a small freak out by myself on the way home and I burst into the house screaming that if any guy named Pat came over that Daddy HAD to say no! Obviously, I wasn't mature enough to date anyone if I had to have my Daddy crush a young man's dream.

 

My father was so awesome, he actually took this young man out for coffee, asked about his passions in life, his goals, etc. Finally, the boy came to realize that the only thing we had in common was a few friends. So, my father explained that he couldn't date me because it wouldn't be fair to the precious young women who was waiting for him to find her. Apparently, Pat shook his hand and thanked him, they met one more time but not to discuss me but instead photography, apparently my father had more in common with him than I did! LOL

 

A few years later when the man who I eventually married asked my dad if he could take me out on a group date with a group of youth from church. My father asked him how we would get to the restaurant, where we'd be going and how I'd get home, along with who'd be our chaperone. Walt was able to give him answers to all those questions and my dad gave his ok, without talking to me! I remember thinking, hey don't I get a say? But at the same time this was the first time I was actually allowed to go hang out with the youth group after church, so I figured it would be fun. I was nervous and so excited to be going out on my first group date. Walt realized that I was still too immature to be dating alone yet so, we went with the church group on group dates for over a year. I wasn't going "steady" so I was free to make friends with other guys and I actually went to a Valentine's Dinner with another boy and my Aunt and Uncle who were trying to set us up. That was a flop! When we finally started going on dates just the two of us, I knew that I was going to marry him. In total we dated for 5 years and now we've been married for 18.5 years.

 

To me courtship is more about guidelines that allow each party to walk away from the relationship with their heads up high. I think it offers protection for the younger girl by allowing her father to speak on her behalf. But it also allows the young women to be protected by her father. At 15 I had my heart set on a young man, my father stated in no uncertain terms that I would never be allowed to date this young man. I was furious! But in retrospect, my father was very wise, because my husband and I are friends with this man and his wife today. If I had married this man, I'd be up on manslaughter charges, cause I could just strangle him for some of the stupid things he's done to his wife and career.

 

So, I believe that courtship has blessings for a young women, but my father always told me that who I married was MY choice. Yeah, he pushed me into that first group date with Walt, but my dad knew that I needed a bit of a push from the nest, just to test my wings. And my truly grateful that he did.

Love your story!!!

 

Excellent point. Shy guys aren't likely to approach a girl's dad. Neither are guys that are very independent and don't like parental meddling.

Well, that's their loss. :lol: Not that I'm a 'courting' fan - but idk, it just seems silly. If the guy liked the girl enough and he was on either end of that spectrum, he should suck it up and respect her parents. Otherwise, good riddance.

 

And I know I would be single because my Dad would never meet a man he thought was good enough for me. :D

 

 

I also wonder where the Mothers fit into the picture of Courtship. I know I know my adult daughter much better than DH does, and can't imagine him choosing a young man that my daughter would even consider. Perhaps that is the point, that she doesn't know what is good for her in the long run.

 

And that's what Dads are supposed to think! :D I tease DH that now, 10 years later, my grandpa (and my grandma, for that matter!) is still in the process of being convinced. ;)

I think Moms get an equal say. Dads just do the delivery. :) I'm speaking more in like if the guy asks permission to marry, etc. The parents have inevitably already talked about it. Probably with the daughter, too.

Idk, I really just like the whole 'I'm the Dad and I protect my daughter from idiots' type thing. :lol: I remember being in middle school and some guys riding their bikes down the street kept whistling and catcalling at my friend and I as we were playing (literally, still playing, cards or something. We were like 12 for pity's sake!) in the driveway. They stopped REAL quick when my grandpa (6'2", probably about 200-220lbs at the time) stepped out of the house and just watched them. Yeah, they disappeared. :D Gotta love it.

[momacacia]

I think it should be replaced by "wooing." That sounds kind of hot. Maybe because of that double-o, like swoon.

 

:iagree: :lol:

 

By one who was "wooed." ;)