s/o Santa and disappointment as kids...

[Firefly]

I didn't ask about Santa a lot as a kid... I just believed. If I did ask as a younger child (I don't remember, honestly) my parents must have told me he was real. As I got older-- around 10/11 or so, when I asked the answers were more like, "Do you think he's real?" Slowly, I came to realize he wasn't, without anyone ever coming out and saying so.

 

I did not feel betrayed in any way! I have many years of wonderful childhood memories of believing in the magic of Santa. Not only that-- I'm sure many would be horrified to hear my Mom filled our childhoods with other magical beings... fairies who played tricks on us on April Fool's day, the Leprechaun who turned our milk green and left green sparkles around the table on St. Patrick's day, etc. I don't begrudge anyone else their feelings of betrayal/hurt, but personally, I am grateful to my mom for creating those special memories for us.

[Ester Maria]

Other.

 

Santa being an antisemite, he never visited so there was nothing to be disappointed about. Other kids found it out by school and in very rare cases where that was not the case, they learned about it in the first grade, so I do not recall any situations with anyone older than 6 actually buying the story. I am not sure what the situation today is like - but I personally dislike the commercialization of the holiday, especially in the US, which, to me, seems to have gone a bit too far.

 

My parents did not do any magic and pretend play (Tooth Fairy, etc.), and we as parents opted not to do it either.

My middle kid, a sensitive creature, was disturbed by the Santa game when she was little and the dynamic of it - the adults knowing and the kids being held captives in ignorance - positively creeped her out and the poor thing was overcome with a sense of duty towards her friends to snap them out of it. So she ruined the game for a few of her friends due to that creepy feeling that something here is not right (I did my best to prevent it, but in vain). My eldest has always been cynical like mommy and daddy so rather than creeping her out, it fairly amused her as a weird cultural practice.

[musicianmom]

I felt betrayed. Thankfully that sense of betrayal was not directed at my parents, though, because they never lied to me. I picked up the Santa myth from other children at day care, and from the general culture around me. My parents quietly played along, following my lead. But they had no emotional investment in my belief or nonbelief. When I started asking (at age 5 or 6), my mom was truthful.

 

I was angry at the entire world at that point. My view was that there was a vast adult conspiracy to "keep kids dumb because adults think it's cute." I recognized the wink-wink-nudge-nudge and was offended by it. I could hardly stand to watch Miracle on 34th Street. I responded obnoxiously to any poor unsuspecting adult who made the mistake of asking me what Santa was bringing me, much to my parents' humiliation.

 

So yeah, I had issues. And my kids are on their own with Santa. If they want to believe in Santa along with fairies and mermaids, fine. But I'm not having anything to do with it.

[Farrar]

I didn't feel betrayed, but dh, whose personality is much more like my kids', felt terribly betrayed. He told me that the moment he found out and his mother admitted it "far outweighed any positive memories of Santa from earlier."

[MrsBasil]

I had it mostly figured out and asked my mom for confirmation around age 8. She told me about the "spirit" of Santa Claus, a brief outline of the St. Nicholas story(with no mention of St or God), and that was that. I'm pretty sure I got a stern warning not to be the brat who ruins it for anyone else.

 

I never felt an ounce of betrayal, disappointment, or sadness.

[nukeswife]

I haven't read all the responses, but for me, my brother and I never asked our parents about it. We just discovered the stash one year and then later on the Eve asked mom "Can we put the presents out yet" her response was "Sure go get them" I think she was relieved and we were fine with it, not devastated or anything.

 

My kids figured it out this year and when they asked about it I simply told them the truth, my youngest who is 6 responded with "So you and dad gave me Tepig (a pokemon toy ) last year" and I said "Yep" He said "Thanks mom and gave me a huge hug. No harm done to any of them.

[Parker Martin]

I did not feel betrayed because they didn't lie. When I asked my mother, she didn't say that he was real. She gave a long, rambling answer about the spirit of Christmas, and I remember thinking, "Okay, so that means he doesn't exist."

 

I would definitely have felt betrayed if they'd lied to me repeatedly when asked about it. I hated it when adults tried to make kids out to be cute through gullibility.

[Night Elf]

Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny all those things was just an innocent part of childhood. Like believing in magic and fairy tales. I hold alot of anger against my parents. Drinking, abuse I mean other than s3xualy abused you name it I dealt with it growing up, but never never have I held it against them about silliness over santa.

 

It seems so unforgiving and petty.

 

You might feel that way BECAUSE you had worse trust issues than the myth thing. But some of us didn't have those types of hurts and the lying about these so-called 'petty' things was big. I don't remember my mom lying about anything else. But nobody likes being made to feel stupid. It hurts and shames. Now, some people have a thicker skin and never feel stupid because of other people, but that doesn't describe everyone. And I refuse to be shamed for being so sensitive. I had to grow up with that too. But I'm a person with a huge heart and feel enormous empathy for others. As an adult, I realize that is a much better trait for me to have than my mom and sister who feel like other people can go to h*ll if they don't like something. I used to feel poorly about myself because I was so different. Now I feel pity for them.

[Pretty in Pink]

I never asked if he was real or not. A cousin let me in on the truth when I was in 3rd grade. It wasn't a big deal at all.

[Doran5]

I've always told my children that Santa was only real to those that believe in him. My older dcs know that I am Santa, but my youngest still believes. When my daughter asked me last year (8yo) if he was real, I told her the truth. She looked disappointed for a moment and said "well, I'm still going to believe!" she then winked at me and smiled. So, all get Santa presents and will continue to get one until I die!

[Jenny in Florida]

Not that I am judging just really wondering...Those of you who feel betrayed and all that, could there be some deeper family issue? I just cannot see grown adults having this wonderful family everything is peaches and when they find out Santa is not real growing up angry at their parents.

 

Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny all those things was just an innocent part of childhood. Like believing in magic and fairy tales. I hold alot of anger against my parents. Drinking, abuse I mean other than s3xualy abused you name it I dealt with it growing up, but never never have I held it against them about silliness over santa.

 

It seems so unforgiving and petty.

 

First of all, I doubt any of us grew up in families in which "everything is peaches." While most of us, I hope, didn't suffer the kinds of things it sounds like you did, I'm sure everyone has tensions with their families.

 

In the end, though, I suspect it has more to do with the personality of the kid. I was very insecure in lots of ways, and knowing that my parents, whom I felt I should have been able to count on, lied to me intentionally over a period of years was a big, big deal.

 

The more I thought about how hard they worked to fool me, to perpetuate that fraud, the angrier and more humiliated I felt.

 

Were there other issues? Of course. Who doesn't have issues with their parents?

 

On another note, I'm a little disturbed by the "If you don't believe, you won't receive" line of thinking. Perhaps I'm over thinking it (a trait I've been told I exhibit often), but it seems to me like that encourages kids to either lie and say they believe something they don't or to actually fool themselves into believing something untrue just to get stuff? I'm having trouble understanding how that's healthy?

Edited December 5, 2011 by Jenny in Florida

[LaxMom]

I don't recall having asked - I'm sure I probably did, but don't recall - but I never felt betrayed.

 

I just chalked it up to the nonsense adults tell kids, like fairy tales and campfire ghost stories and whatnot... But I come from a long line of adults talking nonsense (in a fun, silly way), so there wasn't a sense of shame about believing. We just all got to an age when silly, fun, fantastic stories became just that, rather than a wonder.

 

I wonder if people who felt betrayed just came from a different sort of more fact-based family?

 

Eta: I will say that I figured out really early not to let my mother pick stories because she has a sense of "feel good" colored by hearing Little Orphan Annie and The Baggage Coach Ahead as stories. I did sort of feel betrayed when she would bill a story as "wonderful" and it would be thoroughly depressing.

Edited December 5, 2011 by MyCrazyHouse

[Jenny in Florida]

I wonder if people who felt betrayed just came from a different sort of more fact-based family?

 

Not in my case. "Truth" in my family was always a little maleable when it became conveninent for it to be so.

[higginszoo]

I asked once, they told me, I was fine with it. They also explained that if we wanted the loot, we needed to play the game. I was the oldest by almost 8 years, so this made sense. But apparently my brothers got the same speech, because I have distinct memories of being a junior in college, with my high school senior brother and seventh grade brother all crowded in a BOQ (basically hotel) bathroom while 'Santa' came, still playing along with the game after a fashion.

[LaxMom]

Not in my case. "Truth" in my family was always a little maleable when it became conveninent for it to be so.

 

Well, that sort of situation would set up a feeling of betrayal, I would imagine. :grouphug:

[melissel]

I wonder if it has more to do with how you found out about there being no Santa? For example, I found out in front of a group of other kids at school. No one teased me--they just told me matter-of-factly--but it still stung to find out so publicly. Some posters here found out from older cousins or siblings--sometimes that relationship is not the greatest, and the telling is mean-spirited.

 

It seems like the people who figured it out on their own and then were told the truth gently by their parents have the least trouble with it--at last in my quick, anecdote based survey!

[Jenny in Florida]

It seems like the people who figured it out on their own and then were told the truth gently by their parents have the least trouble with it--at last in my quick, anecdote based survey!

 

Again, not for me. I did figure it out and asked my mother, who quickly admitted the truth. It was still traumatic.

[In the Rain]

I don't recall when I found out that Santa wasn't real. I must not have felt terribly upset or betrayed.

 

:iagree:

[Word Nerd]

I'm sure that if you asked my parents what their kids thought of Santa and whether it upset us when we found out, they would be in the "my kids weren't disappointed! everyone loves Santa!" camp. Just because your kids did not explicitly tell you they were bothered by being misled, it doesn't necessarily mean that it didn't bother them at all.

Edited December 5, 2011 by WordGirl

[melissel]

Again, not for me. I did figure it out and asked my mother, who quickly admitted the truth. It was still traumatic.

 

Gotcha.

[Julie Smith]

My brother and his family had the kids going about the whole Santa thing. For Christmas my Dad would dress up like Santa and come and deliver the presents.

 

One year Ray got so angry when he say Grampa and said, "You said the real Santa was coming like last year!" (It was Grampa last year, same costume, same everything.. But being a year old Ray say through it all)

 

Well Ray got very mad and started having a tantrum on the spot. He was also the oldest of all the grandkids. (the ages are pretty close right now being 8, 7, 7, 6, 4 1/2)

 

Well I'm glad my kids didn't believe at that time. The scene that was created could have been hard on my eldest. We told my kids the truth about Santa from the beginning. (And Easter bunny, ...)

 

I didn't like any of those myths as a kid. I felt talked down to about it all. Also felt like everyone was treating me like I was stupid about the all, "Well let's just pretend.".... I don't remember finding out. But I was told that at a big family Christmas I tired to take the fake bread off Santa to expose the myth, and got upset because everyone was lieing and no one would believe the truth.

[Parrothead]

None of those answers apply to me except I did not feel betrayed.

[In the Rain]

...

 

The more I thought about how hard they worked to fool me, to perpetuate that fraud, the angrier and more humiliated I felt.

 

...

 

Maybe this is an important distinction. We never worked hard to keep our children believing in Santa. The biggest, coolest gifts weren't from Santa, and we never made a big deal about asking Santa for gifts or even talking about him. We still put out cookies and reindeer food though, and Santa leaves gifts.

 

From the first time our kids asked if we (as adults) believed in Santa, we basically said that even when people don't believe, it is fun to play along with the idea of Santa. I've also told them not to discuss it with other kids. Around the ages of 3 &4, they seemed to "know" the truth, and also kind of still believe in the magic of it.

 

I know people who have worked hard to keep their kids believing. I'm not sure why they do. In some cases, these people have crossed the line into trying very hard to trick their kids. I also know a person IRL who feels that the truth about Santa was a real betrayal of her parental trust.

[kathymuggle]

It really seems the norm not to feel betrayed.

 

I do wonder (just a musing - not a hypothesis) what was going on in the families where the kids do feel betrayed - if there were issues with lying in general in the family of origin that makes them more sensitive to such things.

 

I figured out Santa was not real as he had the exact same handwriting as my mum. It did not help that TV shows would occasionally out the idea, either.:glare:

Edited December 5, 2011 by kathymuggle

[Jenny in Florida]

Maybe this is an important distinction. We never worked hard to keep our children believing in Santa. The biggest, coolest gifts weren't from Santa, and we never made a big deal about asking Santa for gifts or even talking about him. We still put out cookies and reindeer food though, and Santa leaves gifts.

 

Interestingly, I never did the cookies or reindeer food or anything like that. I don't even remember which gifts were "from Santa" in any given year. It was just the whole idea that my parents went out of their way to intentionally mislead me that upset me.

[SailorMom]

I asked once, and they were honest, no betrayal here :)

 

Same with our sons. It didn't occur to them to ask us when they were little. But once the rumors started floating, we answered honestly as soon as we were asked (they were about 9).... they seemed just fine.

 

Both my family, DH's, and now our immediate famly made a huge deal about Santa. Seperate gifts - the best ones - were from Santa. We did cookies, milk, reindeer food. We even tracked Santa on that SantaTracker website. One year we hired (for $50) this great guy from the Harley Davidson store in Texas. He played Santa every year and made stops to people's houses with their gifts....

\

Anyway - we made a big deal, had a lot of fun, and now the kids, DH, and I have great memories of it.

Edited December 5, 2011 by SailorMom

[Caribbean Queen]

I voted that I feel betrayed, but really, I felt betrayed. I got over it. I wont teach my children to believe, though.

[Word Nerd]

It upset me that my parents lied to me despite teaching us the importance of telling the truth and being honest. It's really that simple, and there's no need for armchair psychoanalysis. If your reaction was different and it didn't phase you in the slightest, so be it, but don't try to dismiss or explain away the validity of my reaction and that of others who had similar experiences by implying that I must have found out the "wrong" way, had existing trust issues with my parents, or was in some other way abnormal. (This is not directed at anyone in particular—it's just the vibe I get after reading many of the responses about Santa this time of year.)

[Lady Florida.]

I never felt betrayed. In fact, I felt like I was let in on a "grownup" secret, and it was quite fun. I don't understand the betrayal. I get that some people felt betrayed, but I truly don't understand it.

[TranquilMind]

No, I don't remember asking many questions, and I held onto my belief probably a little longer than average. When I confronted my parents, I got the truth right away.

 

Nonetheless, I was absolutely devastated. I felt betrayed, lied to, humiliated. It definitely did damage my trust in my parents, and it made for a difficult couple of Christmases.

 

That is why we never did the Santa thing with our kids. We felt very strongly from the very beginning that our kids needed to be able to trust us absolutely. And we didn't want any road blocks in the way of that trust.

 

We've worked hard to create magic around the holidays, but it is a shared fantasy, a game we play. Our kids have always known that Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and all of their cohorts are pretend. It hasn't stopped them from carrying on correspondence with the Tooth Fairy and hasn't interfered with their joy on Christmas mornings.

 

Neither of my kids, who are now teens, plan to perpetuate the Santa myth with their own children.

I didn't even think to ask because they were my parents and if they told me something, it had to be true. I just caught them putting out the presents in the middle of the night.

 

I was blown away that they LIED to me: I remember that clearly over 45 years later. I thought I could trust them. If they lied about this, what else did they lie about? I was always a kid looking for pieces of evidence and they had to fit together. This did not fit what I had known about my parents.

 

So, certainly, while I "got over it", I was less trusting and gullible from that day onward, and I don't think that is a good lesson for a 6 or 7 year old to get from her parents. The world will teach you soon enough not to trust people.

[kathymuggle]

It upset me that my parents lied to me despite teaching us the importance of telling the truth and being honest. It's really that simple, and there's no need for armchair psychoanalysis.

 

I think it is normal to try and figure out why some people interpreted a similar event (finding out Santa was not real) differently than others. If a person with young kids who does Santa is reading this thread, I can see them reading it with an eye to figuring out how to treat the whole Santa issue in a way that it isn't a betrayal to the children when they do find out he isn't real. Some factors they might not be able to control - but other factors (some are saying that parents made a huge deal about Santa and lied to them repeatedly on the topic) are somewhat controllable.

[TranquilMind]

I remember realizing that my parents had lied to me. I had asked if Santa was real more than once, and they told me he was. Those were outright lies. Since they lied to me about Santa (and also the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy), I didn't trust them at all for a very long time. Actually, I have always had some measure of wondering if anything they said was true. I never simply believed them after that. If my parents had told me the truth the first time I asked, I think it would have been fine. But since they repeatedly lied to me, there was a breach of trust.

See, I'm like you (see post downthread). But a lot of these other people here are unlike us, obviously.

 

But the thing is, you really don't know how your little kid is going to react to being lied to at an early age like that, because you just don't know his patterns yet that well. Some will just blow it off and think it's fine like a lot of people here. Others will react like us and feel betrayed by people who are supposed to love us and be honest with us.

 

Since you just don't know, I think it is wise to err on the side of caution and be honest with children.

[Runningmom80]

No, I don't remember asking many questions, and I held onto my belief probably a little longer than average. When I confronted my parents, I got the truth right away.

 

Nonetheless, I was absolutely devastated. I felt betrayed, lied to, humiliated. It definitely did damage my trust in my parents, and it made for a difficult couple of Christmases.

 

That is why we never did the Santa thing with our kids. We felt very strongly from the very beginning that our kids needed to be able to trust us absolutely. And we didn't want any road blocks in the way of that trust.

 

We've worked hard to create magic around the holidays, but it is a shared fantasy, a game we play. Our kids have always known that Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and all of their cohorts are pretend. It hasn't stopped them from carrying on correspondence with the Tooth Fairy and hasn't interfered with their joy on Christmas mornings.

 

Neither of my kids, who are now teens, plan to perpetuate the Santa myth with their own children.

 

 

Same here.

[TranquilMind]

Not that I am judging just really wondering...Those of you who feel betrayed and all that, could there be some deeper family issue? I just cannot see grown adults having this wonderful family everything is peaches and when they find out Santa is not real growing up angry at their parents.

 

Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny all those things was just an innocent part of childhood. Like believing in magic and fairy tales. I hold alot of anger against my parents. Drinking, abuse I mean other than s3xualy abused you name it I dealt with it growing up, but never never have I held it against them about silliness over santa.

 

It seems so unforgiving and petty.

I think you are misconstruing what is being said. Those of us who didn't like being lied to did not "grow up angry at our parents", as if it was something we could not move past. It was just a moment of shattering clarity in early childhood, that these people who were supposed to love us and always be honest with us - and who demanded that we never lie - lied to us.

 

It reorients your world a little. You still love your parents and grow up just fine, but that moment of childhood innocence and absolute trust has been shattered - by your parents. Not their intention, I'm sure, but you just don't know how different kids are going to react, so I think it is unwise to lie to them.

[Julie Smith]

Since you just don't know, I think it is wise to err on the side of caution and be honest with children.

 

I agree.

 

The only complaint I have heard from adults whose parents didn't do the Santa myth was that the parents didn't do much of anything special. (I'm willing to chance this stance if I hear anything different from someone)

 

Special as in no Christmas baking, or board games, or winter walks, or just a general something special. Which is easy enough to do without the Santa lie.

 

I like playing the odds. And from my perspective it's a safe bet not to do the Santa lie.

[melissel]

I think you are misconstruing what is being said. Those of us who didn't like being lied to did not "grow up angry at our parents", as if it was something we could not move past. It was just a moment of shattering clarity in early childhood, that these people who were supposed to love us and always be honest with us - and who demanded that we never lie - lied to us.

 

It reorients your world a little. You still love your parents and grow up just fine, but that moment of childhood innocence and absolute trust has been shattered - by your parents. Not their intention, I'm sure, but you just don't know how different kids are going to react, so I think it is unwise to lie to them.

 

Well said. I have a great relationship with my parents and love them very much. But I do remember feeling shocked that something so major in my world was a lie perpetuated by my own parents. Yes, in the grand scheme of things, it's probably small, but as you can see here, it depends very much on the child, and once the lie is started, it's too late to end it without finding out the hard way if your child will be upset.

 

Again, I have no problem with the Santa idea, and kids do get over it obviously. But given the chance again, I wouldn't do Santa with my own.

[TranquilMind]

WordGirl: It upset me that my parents lied to me despite teaching us the importance of telling the truth and being honest. It's really that simple, and there's no need for armchair psychoanalysis.

Right. It's the hypocrisy, plain and simple. If you want honesty, be honest.

 

don't try to dismiss or explain away the validity of my reaction and that of others who had similar experiences by implying that I must have found out the "wrong" way, had existing trust issues with my parents, or was in some other way abnormal.

 

Right. Sounds like rationalization to me.

[Unicorn.]

I couldn't really answer your poll, because I never asked. I was about 9 or 10 maybe, when I found out by accident. It was actually at Easter.

I was disappointed because I wasn't ready to have the magic taken away, but I never felt betrayed. I continued to get presents from Santa for many years, and can't even remember when that stopped. I still "believe" and so does dh; we love Santa at our house.

[SailorMom]

I think it is normal to try and figure out why some people interpreted a similar event (finding out Santa was not real) differently than others. If a person with young kids who does Santa is reading this thread, I can see them reading it with an eye to figuring out how to treat the whole Santa issue in a way that it isn't a betrayal to the children when they do find out he isn't real. Some factors they might not be able to control - but other factors (some are saying that parents made a huge deal about Santa and lied to them repeatedly on the topic) are somewhat controllable.

 

:iagree:

 

I think it may have a lot to do with the personality of the child.... My sons are - uh - not exactly the sensistive type :)

I am, I guess, but things never really got to me..... so it didn't upset me.

 

Who knows, though, there are far too many variables and not enough information to really get to any kind of conclusion.

[Jenny in Florida]

It upset me that my parents lied to me despite teaching us the importance of telling the truth and being honest. It's really that simple, and there's no need for armchair psychoanalysis. If your reaction was different and it didn't phase you in the slightest, so be it, but don't try to dismiss or explain away the validity of my reaction and that of others who had similar experiences by implying that I must have found out the "wrong" way, had existing trust issues with my parents, or was in some other way abnormal. (This is not directed at anyone in particular—it's just the vibe I get after reading many of the responses about Santa this time of year.)

 

Exactly. Thank you.

[Guest]

The poll questions don't exactly match my situation, but I chose "I asked repeatedly, they said real" and "I felt betrayed". To clarify: I didn't say, "Is Santa real?" repeatedly and they didn't repeatedly tell me "Yes". But they did have a "logical" answer to any doubting questions, which I feel stepped into the arena of deception.

 

I did not harbor hurt about it for a long, long time, but I did feel betrayed. I did feel my parents went too far to try and keep us believing when we otherwise were ready to give up the fantasy. A Sunday School teacher revealed the truth to me. I remember feeling embarrassed that I had vehemently disagreed with a boy in my school who said Santa was just the parents. I had debated him fiercely, secure in my belief that my parents would never lie to me.

 

Originally, I did not plan to "do Santa" with my own kids. I intended to have them believe it was a fun fantasy that we play along with. But when dd was 4, she absorbed the story from the culture and I did not have the heart to counter it when she was so young. But I have stuck to plans not to lie to an asking child. If they start putting it together, it's time for them to know.

[SailorMom]

If they start putting it together, it's time for them to know.

 

Yeah - this is sort of how we felt about it.... It isn't hard to tell.

What I thought was kinda funny is that once my kids became suspisious - they purposefully DIDN'T ask for a long time! I think they wanted to belive for a while longer, and knew that once they asked it would be over.

[JessReplanted]

I don't remember ever talking to my parents about Santa.

 

I'm sure I found out the 'truth' from my sister or other kids at school.

 

I just remember feeling amazed that our parents would by us SO much stuff.

I really was shocked that all of it came from them.

 

And, my nearly 9 year old son is acknowledging the 'truth' this year for the first time (although we've talked about it before) and his reaction was the same as mine - "Wow, you guys buy us all of that stuff?!"

 

ETA:

For me, the 'magic' of Christmas never disappeared. Christmas is really about Jesus, and the magic of Santa is really the magic of God's love for us.

 

And, I also don't 'lie' to my children about Santa. When they ask if he is real, I ask them what they think.

We watch the VeggieTales video about St. Nick, so they know he was a real person just like us.

When my son was 5, he asked me continuously about Santa, and we sat down and had a long conversation about it. I told him outright that parents were the ones who put the presents out. He walked away from that conversation and acted like it never happened. Apparently, he wasn't ready Not to believe in Santa. Three years later, he is just fine about it.

Edited December 5, 2011 by JessReplanted

[Caitilin]

I couldn't really answer your poll, because I never asked. I was about 9 or 10 maybe, when I found out by accident. It was actually at Easter.

I was disappointed because I wasn't ready to have the magic taken away, but I never felt betrayed. I continued to get presents from Santa for many years, and can't even remember when that stopped. I still "believe" and so does dh; we love Santa at our house.

 

Yes, this exactly, except I was a bit younger and it was Christmas. But I was fine, and all my sibs we fine in their turn. We understood that kind of "fairyland" as Anne of Green Gables called it.:001_smile:

[SailorMom]

 

And, my nearly 9 year old son is acknowledging the 'truth' this year for the first time (although we've talked about it before) and his reaction was the same as mine - "Wow, you guys buy us all of that stuff?!"

 

This is pretty much what my kids said!

[kathymuggle]

This is pretty much what my kids said!

 

I think this is part of the reason my kids believed until 8-10. We are known for being frugal parents - it unlikely we bought it all ourselves :lol:

 

(there is an argument from kids for you: parents inherent cheapness as proof Santa does exist)

[SKL]

His friend didn't receive much from "Santa" because his family was poor, while my DH received enough presents to fill an aisle at Toys R Us.

 

This is one of the reasons I plan to tell my kids if they don't figure it out pretty young. I still think it's harmless at a young age. But when kids start being able to notice differences like this, it makes me uncomfortable.

[kathymuggle]

See, I'm like you (see post downthread). But a lot of these other people here are unlike us, obviously.

 

But the thing is, you really don't know how your little kid is going to react to being lied to at an early age like that, because you just don't know his patterns yet that well. Some will just blow it off and think it's fine like a lot of people here. Others will react like us and feel betrayed by people who are supposed to love us and be honest with us.

 

Since you just don't know, I think it is wise to err on the side of caution and be honest with children.

 

I read this a few minutes ago and thought it was a good argument. I still think it is a good argument - but thought I would offer the flip side.

 

I really liked Santa as a child and like the concept as an adult. As a child he was part of of the magicalness of Christmas. Even when I found out he was not real - I thought it was pretty cool that all these adults not only bought all these gifts for children but made an effort to keep Santa alive for them. I appreciated the real Saint Nicholas and the stories from around the world.

 

I think that by skipping "Santa" you do not risk your child feeling betrayed - but you also risk your child not feeling the magicalness of believing in Santa - which for many people was a positive experience.

Edited December 5, 2011 by kathymuggle

[Splinter]

I'm 39 and my parents still haven't admitted to being Santa. :tongue_smilie:

 

When I found out (from my older brother and his friends), I didn't feel betrayed. To be honest, I felt pretty cool and old for knowing the truth.

[fourcatmom]

I don't remember feeling betrayed but I remember the huge disappointment and I remember HOW I was told and that bothered me. We were in a parking lot and I guess my brother was mad or I was asking, I don't remember. He blurted it out and then my Mom told me the truth. It was hurtful the way it happened.

 

My kids believed up until a few years ago when I sat them down sometime over the summer and told them the truth. I didn't want to do it around Christmas time and I didn't want them to find out at school either. I wanted it to come from me. My oldest who was around 8 said she figured but she had never wanted to ask. I think she just liked the idea. She also knew about the tooth fairly already and she said that she had found Easter grass in my bedroom one time. My youngest was sad and disappointed and I probably would have waited longer to tell her but kids at school can be very mean and I just didn't want her finding out that way.

 

Even last night they brought up something about it again. I do still give Santa presents and pretend but they also know why we celebrate Christmas and what we believe it's about.

Edited December 5, 2011 by fourcatmom