I am crushed. I need advice please

[Julie in CA]

This is not directed at you personally, but it is a grain of sand in my pantyhose.

 

This is me. I agree it's unhealthy. But when there is truly NOBODY available to get me out from under the care of our kids for a little while, it is not helpful for me to ponder how unhealthy (or unfair) it seems.

I completely understand what you're saying. At the same time, often there is a way, if you make it a priority.

 

Sometimes cutting out a kid activity, a lesson of some kind, frees up both a bit of money for a sitter, and an extra couple of hours a week. The kid will live, and they will also learn how to do the right thing for themselves as they get older.

 

Sometimes it's making a friend who has the same situation, and then doing a child care "trade" with them, and then using the time for personal enrichment. If you do not have a friend like this, purposely cultivate one.

 

Sometimes it's only taking a quiet hour each day where the kid/kids are expected to stay in their own room quietly with the door shut, while you read, or write, or paint, or draw, or garden, or arrange flowers, or learn an instrument, or catch up on current news, or take an online class, etc, etc.

 

I would have thought I had no time either, when my kids were younger, and I did have *lots* of littles at once. Looking back on it, I could have made the time if I had been willing to place it as a high enough priority.

Edited October 6, 2011 by Julie in CA

[2cents]

Hummm...he thinks you need a hobby? I can think of a few you can have that he may enjoy...shopping (LOTS), interior design (redecorate the whole house), travel (plan some expensive vacations), culinary arts (you'll need lots of cool equipment and classes), sewing (new machine). Your dh clearly hasn't thought this out lol! :D

 

Seriously-you are hsing and have lots of time for a hobby LATER. IF YOU WANT ONE. I would not be opposed to trying out one of the above 'hobbies' to give him a wake up call. ;)

[Mimm]

This is not directed at you personally, but it is a grain of sand in my pantyhose.

 

This is me. I agree it's unhealthy. But when there is truly NOBODY available to get me out from under the care of our kids for a little while, it is not helpful for me to ponder how unhealthy (or unfair) it seems.

 

I'm sorry, that must be very stressful. I know that I am extremely lucky in my own situation. I have inlaws nearby who I get long with wonderfully and are very interested in spending a lot of time with their grandkids. Not everyone has that, and I don't mean to insult people who are more stretched in their time and commitments. I'm very aware that life isn't ideal. :) When I wrote that I was thinking of specific women that I've known who did have the time and money to pursue any number of other hobbies but did nothing that wasn't directly related to their one or two children (who attended school). I do hope you can find a way to recharge and take care of yourself.

[laundrycrisis]

 

I would have thought I had no time either, when my kids were younger, and I did have *lots* of littles at once. Looking back on it, I could have made the time if I had been willing to place it as a high enough priority.

 

Not trying to derail here, but I have tried for the last three years to find someone to babysit or trade.

 

It has been a priority of mine and still failed. :banghead:

 

Sometimes there really is no way for mom to get a life. We just have to wait it out.

 

IMO if the OP wants a hobby and can find someone to help her so she can do that, great, go for it ! But if she can't or doesn't want to, that's fine, because there is nothing broken or defective about her.

 

When I see the replies that are basically saying "well maybe you should get a hobby"...... those may be even more frustrating than her DH's comments. They would be to me.

[justasque]

Dh said I need a hobby. He said when the kids are grown and gone he doesn't want us to be dull and boring :001_huh: ...

UGH. When can I fit in a hobby?? Seriously???

 

I *so* wouldn't stress over this until you can have a conversation with your dh and probe a little more about what he was thinking. I would not have taken it at all how you did, but every dh is different. (Let me guess, he's in a geeky, logical type career, yes? Engineer type maybe?) I would guess he's had some kind of conversation with some guy at work, who expressed some kind of feelings about his own life as an empty nester. Your dh could simply be saying - hey, let's put a little thought into what life will be like after the kids are grown, because this other guy has a problem, and I'd like to avoid that problem. (Or maybe the other guy has it really great, and your dh wants to learn from that.)

 

What do you want to do "after kids"? What does he want to do? How will those two things mesh? This can be a fun kind of thing to think about now and again, not another burden on the to-do list. I would take it as a sign he's looking forward to spending more time with you when life calms down, and wants to plan/fantasize what that could look like. I would actually take it as meaning he's looking forward to a long life together with you, and thinking ahead as to how to weather the inevitable transitions. Right now HIS life doesn't include a lot of time with you, and he may be thinking about what he'd like to be doing down the road when the two of you can really focus on spending time with each other again.

 

Will you be the kind of couple where he's into trains and you're into doll houses and you'll putter about constructing mini buildings in the evenings and spend weekends travelling to places with train and/or dollhouse attractions, while wearing t-shirts with train and/or doll logos? Or will you be involved in your church, doing some kind of volunteer work in the community? Or will you learn French and sew a sophisticated wardrobe and take a trip to Paris? None of this may come to pass, of course, but it's fun now and again to play around with the possibilities.

[lionfamily1999]

I haven't read the replies :blush: but here's my two cents...

 

I would start searching for really hard core adventure vacations. Safaris in Africa without a guide... just a map, a compass, a machete and a canteen. Trips to South America in guerrilla territory. Arctic adventures. Climbing mountains, hiking country long trails. Then, when you see a free brochure, order it.

 

When dh notices all the maps and plans for insanity, just tell him you're planning out your (plural) retirement :D Besides, planning trips one never takes is a great hobby. I love it :p

[WishboneDawn]

I was very tired and emotional last night. He did not call me dull presently, he said he does not want me to get dull (us)

 

I suspected this. :)

 

Wishbone Dawn, thank you for your translation- I REALLY hope that is the case!!

 

I have no doubt it is. He had a clumsy way of saying it but that he said it says to me that he loves you, cares for your well being, maybe sees you getting swamped now and again and wants to enjoy his life with you. :grouphug:

[Pretty in Pink]

It sounded like he said that he didn't want you to become dull, not that he think you are currently dull, if that's any consolation. :grouphug: Sometimes the things we say just come out wrong.

 

I made the mistake a few years ago of telling my dh that I thought our marriage was getting dull. I wasn't placing the blame on him, more just making a general observation, but he was really hurt by my comment and kept those feelings to himself for a while. I wish he would have just told me right away how he took my comment so that I could have apologized and explained what I actually meant.

 

My dh and I are both happier, more interesing people and our marriage and household healthier when we pursue interests/goals outside of parenthood. I know that's not always easy or even possible, but I do think that it is worth the effort if there is a way to make it happen.

[WishboneDawn]

In what context was this said? Maybe what he really wants is for the two of you to spend some time together in the little time you have together. I would make time for some couple time in the schedule.

 

:iagree:

 

Since he mentioned the two of you he could have some concerns about you guys connecting as a couple as well. He might be feeling a little distant right now. Some little things like taking walks together could go a long way.

[Laura Corin]

When the kids are older. My brother and SIL took up dancing when their children reached their teens, so that they could look ahead to a life after kids. Husband and I have (more-or-less accidentally) immersed ourselves in flower gardening.

 

I'm sorry your were hurt....

 

Laura

[lionfamily1999]

Sweetie, as far you making time for yourself goes, don't feel guilty :grouphug: For goodness sake, the last thing you need is to feel worse. Not all of us can wear a cape and circle the globe in bounds. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

That's a serious lot of running around you do-and he's gone. I think that was stupid caveman speak for 'we need to carve out some time to have fun together.' :grouphug:

 

Dh and I love hitting garage sales and going to auctions. Even if we buy nothing, we just spend the time enjoying eachother's company.

[mo2]

"You know what, dear? That's a great observation. I think I will hire a housekeeper/babysitter for a few hours every week so I can have time to fully focus on finding and developing my new hobby."

 

Sorry, I didn't have time to read all the responses, but there's my take on the subject. Your schedule is insane!

[itsheresomewhere]

Is it possible that he has met/working with some men a little older than him and has come to the conclusion that their lives are dulling and boring? He might be thinking that is what is to come thanks to some very misguided male advice. DH had a friend like that. He maybe actually worried that he is doomed to become dull and boring. Instead of saying that, he misplaced that on both of you.

[justamouse]

It sounds like you are a wonderfully dedicated mom who is spending all of your time and energy focused on their needs.

 

But.

 

Your kids aren't little anymore. It's not a bad thing for them to clean up the kitchen after dinner and do the laundry so Mom can have some time to pursue her own interests. It's also not a bad thing for them to be unable to participate in a sport or activity for a season so Mom can be the stage manager for the local community theater production this month or take a Zumba class on Friday nights or join a monthly book club.

 

Just because an activity is offered at church doesn't mean God wants your family to participate. You need space in the schedule to just *be* and I'm not seeing it.

 

I get stressed just looking at your schedule. It could be that your DH is seeing that you need some time to fill up your own cup a bit. Don't be afraid to shake the schedule up to make room for that time. :grouphug:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I can't agree more. Look at my siggie. That is ME agreeing. Make the time. Do not sacrifice your marriage on the altar of motherhood.

[WeeBeaks]

Well, I would give him the benefit of the doubt on his good intentions but say he has foot in mouth disease on the execution of the thought.

 

I agree with this thought though having seen first hand a MIL who had zero life except her kids. And now she fulfills that by being incredibly nosy and intrusive, not to mention gossipy, because she has nothing else to talk about to anyone except about her kids.

 

But what prompted it in your DH? One guess is maybe he is exhausted from working so much (since you mentioned his work schedule) and feels like you two don't share enough fun times? Or family fun times? Maybe he feels he is getting boring and dull with too much work and little play and put it as "we"? My DH could make that mistake.

 

With regard to hobbies, I do think we mothers can have hobbies in this stage of life if we choose carefully. Many of us read a lot. It may be at times school books with our kids or books about parenting, teaching, etc., but reading is a hobby in and of itself if it brings you pleasure. I sew, often children's clothing, but it is a hobby of mine. Gardening brings in food to the table, but again it is a hobby I pursue in this stage of life. I doubt I'll be taking on a huge out of the home hobby anytime soon here, but I have hobbies. I had to explain that explicitly to my DH because he saw those above things as chores of mine rather than interests. I had to explain that they are enjoyable to me as he just didn't understand.

 

In any case, you both sound a bit like overworked people who maybe didn't clearly understand each other clearly. Hope you come to a great understanding. :grouphug:

[UnsinkableKristen]

I think that was stupid caveman speak for 'we need to carve out some time to have fun together.' :grouphug:

 

 

:iagree:

 

He might be missing being around and thinking about how it will affect your marriage long-term.

[WishboneDawn]

I just want to point out that he knows you better then any of us. If he thinks you might need a hobby and whatever that translates into, time for yourself, time as a couple, he probably has a point. :)

[swellmomma]

This is not directed at you personally, but it is a grain of sand in my pantyhose.

 

This is me. I agree it's unhealthy. But when there is truly NOBODY available to get me out from under the care of our kids for a little while, it is not helpful for me to ponder how unhealthy (or unfair) it seems.

 

If it is a friend telling me this, or a well meaning relative (and they are all out of state), I basically say that unless they are offering a child care solution, I have no way to take their advice.

 

If it was my DH telling me I am boring or will end up boring, I would be asking him what his proposed solution is.

 

:iagree: My life pretty much revolves around my kids right now. With 4 of them on my own, 3 with special needs. Trying to get through school work, housework, extracurriculars, bible study and work. No child care, closest family is 2 hours away. Because of the special needs and ages of the kids I can not just hire a random teen to babysit I have to hire someone that specifically watches special needs kids/teens and that is expensive (cheapest is $10/hr). NOt to mention the fact hobbies cost money. When you are trying to make enough money to put food on the table and keep the house etc there is no money left for hobbies. I used to scrapbook, cross-stitch, craft etc. One day I will get back into those for now I am thankful for having some time to read each night and enough sleep to function. Sometimes being dull has more to do with survival than with a desire to be boring.

[twoforjoy]

Not trying to derail here, but I have tried for the last three years to find someone to babysit or trade.

 

It has been a priority of mine and still failed. :banghead:

 

I tried for two years and then gave up. I was pretty frustrated. All I wanted was another mom to trade childcare with for a few hours one morning/afternoon a week--or every other week, or even once a month!--and I just couldn't find anybody willing to make that commitment.

 

Then #2 and #3 came and I figured, if I couldn't find anybody to switch off care for my one kid (and I would have happily watched multiple kids on their morning off), there was no way I'd find anybody willing to watch three.

[Mimm]

I tried for two years and then gave up. I was pretty frustrated. All I wanted was another mom to trade childcare with for a few hours one morning/afternoon a week--or every other week, or even once a month!--and I just couldn't find anybody willing to make that commitment.

 

Then #2 and #3 came and I figured, if I couldn't find anybody to switch off care for my one kid (and I would have happily watched multiple kids on their morning off), there was no way I'd find anybody willing to watch three.

 

I wonder why such an arrangement is so hard to find? I might have difficulty doing it on a weekly basis but every other week? Shouldn't be too bad. Especially if it's during school hours and the kids were sent over with school they were expected to accomplish.

[Danestress]

it's boring to hear about someone's scrap booking obsession, latest knitting project, favorite sports team, or big garage sale find. Hobbies don't stop boring people from being boring. And when you live with someone who is a "hobby person" you hit saturation point on the details pretty quickly.

 

I doubt he really believes you are dull. My guess is that he needs to reconnect with how great you are. If you decided to make HIM your hobby, he might find you somewhat less dull. Next time he's home, make "tea" your new favorite hobby:)

[justamouse]

But she's not not getting anywhere-she's running everywhere. She's not stopping.

[Happy]

I completely understand what you're saying. At the same time, often there is a way, if you make it a priority.

 

Sometimes cutting out a kid activity, a lesson of some kind, frees up both a bit of money for a sitter, and an extra couple of hours a week. The kid will live, and they will also learn how to do the right thing for themselves as they get older.

 

Sometimes it's making a friend who has the same situation, and then doing a child care "trade" with them, and then using the time for personal enrichment. If you do not have a friend like this, purposely cultivate one.

 

Sometimes it's only taking a quiet hour each day where the kid/kids are expected to stay in their own room quietly with the door shut, while you read, or write, or paint, or draw, or garden, or arrange flowers, or learn an instrument, or catch up on current news, or take an online class, etc, etc.

I would have thought I had no time either, when my kids were younger, and I did have *lots* of littles at once. Looking back on it, I could have made the time if I had been willing to place it as a high enough priority.

 

 

Bolding mine.

 

For time of your own OR time with dh, this can work. We had no one to babysit or trade childcare with...or when we did, I needed to use those people when I needed to work. There were years (almost 4) when I didn't spend a night away from my sons.

 

Put the kids to bed or fix a pizza and let them watch a movie, while you and dh have a more sophisicated picnic in the bedroom. We have a DVD player and TV in our room so we could watch a movie on our own. Fixing or ordering a nice meal just for you and dh is a very romantic 'date.'

[oneddmanybooks]

I haven't read the replies :blush: but here's my two cents...

 

I would start searching for really hard core adventure vacations. Safaris in Africa without a guide... just a map, a compass, a machete and a canteen. Trips to South America in guerrilla territory. Arctic adventures. Climbing mountains, hiking country long trails. Then, when you see a free brochure, order it.

 

When dh notices all the maps and plans for insanity, just tell him you're planning out your (plural) retirement :D Besides, planning trips one never takes is a great hobby. I love it :p

 

:lol::lol::lol: I really lost it when I got to the machete and canteen. Thanks for the laughs!

[2squared]

I completely understand what you're saying. At the same time, often there is a way, if you make it a priority.

 

:iagree: - and that was directed at me. I can find windows of opportunity for "me" time and inexpensive hobbies, even with my little brood.

 

The OP's oldest is babysitting age and her youngest is 5yo. Seems like childcare really shouldn't be an issue, but maybe slowing down enough to have those windows of opportunity may be a problem.

 

And...does your family have a family identity? Do you have things you enjoy doing together? Some of our best bonding times are with our young family when we are just doing our thing hanging out on the property. Our activities rarely take place after dinner time and rarely on the weekends so we have time for family baseball games, roasting marshmallows over an impromptu fire, playing board games, etc. I am sure our schedule isn't as busy as an older family, but I think all families (and couples) need breathing space. Time to just be together.

[swellmomma]

:iagree: - and that was directed at me. I can find windows of opportunity for "me" time and inexpensive hobbies, even with my little brood.

 

The OP's oldest is babysitting age and her youngest is 5yo. Seems like childcare really shouldn't be an issue, but maybe slowing down enough to have those windows of opportunity may be a problem.

 

And...does your family have a family identity? Do you have things you enjoy doing together? Some of our best bonding times are with our young family when we are just doing our thing hanging out on the property. Our activities rarely take place after dinner time and rarely on the weekends so we have time for family baseball games, roasting marshmallows over an impromptu fire, playing board games, etc. I am sure our schedule isn't as busy as an older family, but I think all families (and couples) need breathing space. Time to just be together.

 

 

Yes her oldest is babysitting age but she posted that the oldest has special needs so that child may not be in a position to babysit. The same is in my house. The oldest has special needs that prohibit leaving him home alone let alone with the other kids here. That is a recipe for distaster and cps involvement.

[merry gardens]

:grouphug:

 

Some husbands have language processing issues and make poor word choices. :tongue_smilie:

 

I highly doubt that your dh thinks you are dull and boring. He's trying to tell you (in one of the least diplomatic ways possible) to take care of yourself too, not just the children. Michele wrote something similar over on the special needs board, but she reminded us in a much nicer way. :)

 

Take care of yourself. If you want, feel free to join me in my hobby of collecting homeschool curriculum, workbooks and school supplies. Do you want to see my special broken crayon collection? It's fascinating. :D

[Julie in CA]

Not trying to derail here, but I have tried for the last three years to find someone to babysit or trade.

 

It has been a priority of mine and still failed. :banghead:

 

Sometimes there really is no way for mom to get a life. We just have to wait it out.

OR....try some of the *other* options I mentioned. There were several. :001_smile:

[5kidsforME]

I feel awful for you. I am about to say something that could be really hurtful and might not fit for you circumstances. So ignore if this does not fit.

 

In the last 6 months, 3 women I know have been verbally torn down by their husbands. One in particular was told she was dull by her husband. The first lady this happened to finally found out her husband was having an affair, and had 3 total that she hadn't known about.

 

The second lady, her husband just left her and her 4 kids for another woman.

 

The third lady, her husband is completely distant and leaves for a nearby city on "business" almost every weekend and doesn't want her to go. We know there is more going on but haven't gotten to the bottom of it yet.

 

IMO, your dh pointing out that you are dull is simply because of something going on in HIS life not yours.

 

I have not read the whole thread so bear that in mind.

 

:grouphug:

[dragons in the flower bed]

:grouphug:Sweetie, he needs to know how deeply this hurt you.:grouphug:

 

:iagree: It looks like you posted this at two a.m. while he was home. If I had gotten to it earlier I'd have said to go wake him up, for a hug if not for a conversation. But can't you go to him now?

[Ginevra]

I wonder why such an arrangement is so hard to find? I might have difficulty doing it on a weekly basis but every other week? Shouldn't be too bad. Especially if it's during school hours and the kids were sent over with school they were expected to accomplish.

 

Because it's torture? :tongue_smilie:

 

TBH, there have never been a lot of other moms that I would gladly love to have this "deal" with. If they had a few kids too little to drag all over town, chances were good I didn't really want them interrupting my day, either, even if it meant I was going to get my own free day eventually. Also, anyone who does have access to a Grandma or Auntie who would happily take the kiddos for a few hours has no interest in making a deal like this instead. The only people who may make this deal are others who are desperate and have no Grandma or Auntie options available.

[scrapbookbuzz]

First, I understand you're upset. I would be, too.

Second, I don't think he meant it as a personal insult to you. Husbands really have NO IDEA

what it is like to be us!

Third, take a pp's advice and skiddaddle for at least some of the time dh is home. You NEED time

away, and he needs to understand what it's like to be a full time parent. Yes, it will be hard for you and

you might feel a little guilty. HOWEVER, your dh is never going to understand if he doesn't get a taste of what it's like to be in your shoes! Don't ask permission, or say, "Is it okay if I...?" This is one instance where it's alright and you should say, "By the way, I'm headed out and I'll be gone for (insert number) of hours. Bye!"

 

HTH!

 

(PS I think what he really meant is that HE doesn't have a hobby and is afraid of getting old and boring himself.)

[2squared]

Yes her oldest is babysitting age but she posted that the oldest has special needs so that child may not be in a position to babysit. The same is in my house. The oldest has special needs that prohibit leaving him home alone let alone with the other kids here. That is a recipe for distaster and cps involvement.

 

I know her 7yo has special needs, but her oldest does as well?? Her 7yo has similar special needs as my 7yo, and I have been watching her posts about him.

[laundrycrisis]

Also, anyone who does have access to a Grandma or Auntie who would happily take the kiddos for a few hours has no interest in making a deal like this instead. The only people who may make this deal are others who are desperate and have no Grandma or Auntie options available.

 

Exactly. And I don't know anyone else like that.

 

I am in situation in which childcare just ain't gonna happen. Period.

 

Free time comes in tiny snippets, and it is precious.

 

The last thing a busy mom in this situation needs is pressure to be more interesting to anyone, or to face a suggestion that she "find some balance".

 

If you can manage just to cruise and not lose it through this stage of life, IMO you're doing great. There is no need to satisfy anyone else's idea of what your very limited leftover time and attention should go to. Including a DH who has never spent a day in your shoes.

[Momof3littles]

If my DH made those comments in the context of, "Let's make sure you are getting time to pursue your interests and things that make you happy," I would be more understanding. DH really presses me to take time for myself because I'm terrible at it. When I don't engage in some good self-care (especially as an introvert, being around 3 small children 24/7 drains me BIG time), it shows. I am cranky and irritable.

 

If DH called me "dull" and the comments were in the context of "I don't find you interesting any longer," I would be deeply, deeply hurt.

 

We've been working on me getting time to go out thrifting (for fun), to a book store to drink a cup of coffee and peruse books and magazines, etc. I'm still not doing it as much as I need to in order to rejuvenate myself, and Dh gets on me that I really need to take some time for myself. It is coming from a place of, "How can I help you feel happy, fulfilled, and re-energized?" and I really appreciate his efforts (even if I'm terrible at following through). I have a craft area in our basement that I never get to use, and I'm thinking with the holidays coming up I might just head there for an hour and he'll have to keep little people out of the way...I personally need to get creative at carving out time. My parents were always willing to babysit when we lived nearby, but now we are 9 hours away from them and it is hard IMO to find relief other than DH hanging w/ the kids.

 

I think only you can really interpret what he meant by his comments, depending on your relationship with him and your previous discussions.

[lionfamily1999]

:lol::lol::lol: I really lost it when I got to the machete and canteen. Thanks for the laughs!

:D Dh called me too white bread once... once ;) Then I showed him my plan for our anniversary. It was great, we were going to go down the Amazon together, there were tree top walkways and hiking through jungles.

 

:lol: After that I was lemon drop (sweet on the outside, sour on the inside). :D

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

:grouphug:Sweetie, he needs to know how deeply this hurt you.:grouphug:

 

We 'talked' when he got up. Basically he said I love you and I started bawling :blush: But that opened the door for talking. He said that he was just worried about me. I asked him why and he didn't have an answer. I asked him what his hobby was and, he didn't have an answer. Then he told me he didn't mean to hurt me. He is gone again til Saturday. We are gonna go on a date and talk. I can tell he felt bad- which did make me feel better (I hope that doesn't sound mean, but know what I mean??)

 

Yes her oldest is babysitting age but she posted that the oldest has special needs so that child may not be in a position to babysit. The same is in my house. The oldest has special needs that prohibit leaving him home alone let alone with the other kids here. That is a recipe for distaster and cps involvement.

 

 

No, my oldest isn't my special needs child, my 1st grader is. He is my 7 year old (Just turned 7 5 days ago ;))

 

:iagree: It looks like you posted this at two a.m. while he was home. If I had gotten to it earlier I'd have said to go wake him up, for a hug if not for a conversation. But can't you go to him now?

 

 

He was sleeping and had a long drive in the morning. We did talk a bit though when he got up. We were not able to talk for long- BUT he has called me more today than normal :001_smile: We are in mountain time so it was only like 12 or 12:30am but still. UGH

Edited October 7, 2011 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Also- I told him my schedule, starting at 6:30am.

 

 

THEN I reminded him about our 7 year old and how long it took him to help ds with his Awana verse last night at Parents Night (he was NOT having a good time trying to help him learn his verse-) Then I reminded him that not only do I help him with his verses, but I TEACH him. Everything.

 

 

After seeing my schedule written down and reminding him how hard it was to keep ds's attention and focus for 20 minutes he apologized.

 

 

Whoever had the caveman comment, I completely agree :001_huh:

[swellmomma]

 

No, my oldest isn't my special needs child, my 1st grader is. He is my 7 year old (Just turned 7 5 days ago ;))

 

 

 

Oops, got myself confused :blush:

[warneral]

I didn't read all 10 pages but I must say that I used to HATE it when people asked me what my hobies were :p

 

Over the years I've developed quite a few passions including:

Sewing, Cooking, Knitting, Bicycling

 

Then last spring I decided to homeschool and I dropped them all. I feel like I'm drowning! I feel like I did when my kids were needy infants & toddlers. I went out on my bike for a short ride today (b/c I've lost my fitness and couldn't go further) and realized how much I need to have some hobbies again!

 

I know that isn't what you're saying - that your life is too full for hobbies - but do consider what life will be like when the kids are grown. Consider what might put al little spark in your life!

 

Meanwhile, I'm going to a shrink tomorrow - something I set up a few break-downs ago :)

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Oops, got myself confused :blush:

 

 

 

Thats ok, my oldest is a 13 year old girl. I think that counts for something :D

 

 

I can't complain though, she has really been keeping her attitude in check lately!! Very proud of her :blush:

[swellmomma]

Thats ok, my oldest is a 13 year old girl. I think that counts for something :D

 

 

I can't complain though, she has really been keeping her attitude in check lately!! Very proud of her :blush:

 

 

Send her this way so she can explain to my dd12 that it is possible to keep in check. My goodness I was ready to strap dd to the roof of the van tonight so I could just get home without hearing it anymore :lol:

[OrganicAnn]

I haven't read all the replies, but it seems your DH changed his mind when he saw your schedule. That's great.

 

Though, if I were you I would pick a hobby. I'd buy one book or two mazagines regarding that hobby and for the next 10 years I would read the book or magazine occasionally when you are in a waiting room or need a mental break.

 

There are some hobbies you can do while doing other things - knitting and crocheting can be done while talking. Reading can be a hobby.

 

I would also consider evaluating all extracurricular activities and see if there are some that you could change over time.

 

Also there are non credit evening fun adult classes in hobby like topics in many colleges. Often they are for short periods - one, four, six nights. Maybe look at something fun for you and have your DH stay home with the kids.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Send her this way so she can explain to my dd12 that it is possible to keep in check. My goodness I was ready to strap dd to the roof of the van tonight so I could just get home without hearing it anymore :lol:

 

 

 

NO!!! My dd might go back to the monster she was!! I remember 12. I don't want to relive 12. Or the beginning of 13!!!

 

 

:grouphug: That is all you get :lol:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Reading can be a hobby.

 

I would also consider evaluating all extracurricular activities and see if there are some that you could change over time.

 

 

 

That is another thing I told him. I am self educating myself. I think thats a hobby! Granted- alot of it is to keep ahead of my oldest because I had a pathetic public school education (the school was horrible) but isn't that a hobby?? I think it is an important one! To be well educated is huge in this country!

[UnsinkableKristen]

I was thinking about you today, how are things going? Were you both able to talk later?

 

I was just thinking that it sounded like it was moving in a much more positive direction :)

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I was thinking about you today, how are things going? Were you both able to talk later?

 

I was just thinking that it sounded like it was moving in a much more positive direction :)

 

 

Yes we were! We went out that weekend and we had a good long talk. He told me that what he meant is not what he said. He said he noticed I was not taking as much time to be with my friends so he was worried that I was becoming to into the kids and homeschooling and not taking time for me.

 

I told him about my morning walks (though they are less and less frequent because it is starting to get REALLY cold overnight/ early mornings) So now I take an evening walk. In the evening I also work on my self education materials (again, more me time- that truly is for me for personal growth) Also he told me he wants us to start going on more date nights. So we are having a minimum of 2 a month.

 

He apologized because he said he did not realize how mean it came out.

 

Things are going much better. It really threw me for a loop because we do have a good marriage- so when he said that it hit hard!

 

Thank you for thinking about us and asking!! :001_smile:

[WishboneDawn]

Yes we were! We went out that weekend and we had a good long talk. He told me that what he meant is not what he said. He said he noticed I was not taking as much time to be with my friends so he was worried that I was becoming to into the kids and homeschooling and not taking time for me.

 

I told him about my morning walks (though they are less and less frequent because it is starting to get REALLY cold overnight/ early mornings) So now I take an evening walk. In the evening I also work on my self education materials (again, more me time- that truly is for me for personal growth) Also he told me he wants us to start going on more date nights. So we are having a minimum of 2 a month.

 

He apologized because he said he did not realize how mean it came out.

 

Things are going much better. It really threw me for a loop because we do have a good marriage- so when he said that it hit hard!

 

Thank you for thinking about us and asking!! :001_smile:

 

I knew he was a good guy, just worried...And a guy. :D

 

Glad to hear you guys worked it out. It really does sound liek he has your best interests at heart!