sahm99 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I need help thinking this through... Our kids have been involved in competitive swimming for two years. The girls are good...really good! There are, at this point, no limits to what they might reach. Ds is a different story. He started later and has always been on the lower end of the group. Even though he is evolving fine, we (dh and I) would be surprised to suddenly find him anywhere in the "top-crowd". Ds enjoys swimming, he likes the group, the trainers, everything! I am feeling increasingly insecure about the "justification" for spending 12-15h per week (door to door, but without counting the competitions!) for an activity "that won't lead to anything"... I know this sounds harsh, particulary when considering that ds is happy about his life as a swimmer, but still, I am having a hard time with settling with this kind of time-investment, "just for fun"! Ds' swimming will have a more considerable impact on his life (and family life in general) than ever before, this coming year. Why do your kids participate in competitive sports? What if you can exclude the world-championship and the Olympics:tongue_smilie:? Thank you for thinking this through with me! I pretty much grew up without sports (which I regret!), so this is new...and I feel so "unsettled" with my opinion on this topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaylk in tx Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 i understand your confusion. i have 3 in swimming. one is an elite swimmer, great potential, went to the state meet this summer and finaled in one event. another has good technique. we're just waiting to see if he develops more strength as he grows and hits puberty. the other is, well, like you said, bottom of the group he's in, making some progress but mainly just in the water for fun. i try to look at it as just another learning opportunity. swimming challenges and stretches him in ways i can't at home. since i'm already at the pool for the other two (times overlap somewhat), i can't see telling him that because he's not "good enough" i'm no longer willing to pay for him to swim. he does not do as many events at meets as his brothers and he's fine with that. would probably like to not swim at meets at all but we make him do some. i view swimming as his physical education class! that said, we did NOT sign him up for soccer or basketball this fall as we did his brothers. his adhd/aspie-ness is just becoming more and more apparent as other kids his age are maturing and his maturity level is lagging significantly behind. he also will say he wants to do a sport then halfway through the season is griping and moaning about having to play. so my vote is let him do it as long as he WANTS to and is getting something out of participation. what he gets out of it may not be winning ribbons and going to state championship meets. it may be more subtle and internal, but it's building him up regardless. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Great question, and one we have grappled with as costs continue to go up. What I love about sports for kids is the level of confidence they gain. For my gymnast, it's learning to perform in front of people, which is a skill that can be helpful throughout life. My soccer player is learning teamwork and having a positive place to direct her energy. Poise, self- esteem, self-discipline, working toward goals, and learning to persevere even when things aren't going your way are all the things I believe sports brings to the table. Plus they are having fun and making friends! FWIW, I think our oldest learned many of the same things through her vocal training, which obviously isn't a sport. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 He's never had a JO cut. He loves it. He works very hard. He has great discipline and perspective. He's always a favorite of the coaches because of his work ethic and enthusiasm. I've seen him get better every year, but he's probably never going to be swimming at the Olympic Trials. So why do I spend six nights a week plus monthly travel weekends and a small fortune on this? Honestly, it gives me tremendous joy to see him swim. I see his commitment and character, the relationship he has built with his coaches and other swimmers, and I am proud of him beyond measure. I would never ever suggest this boy quit swimming just because he's not "good enough" to do something impressive with it as an adult. That is not the reasonable goal of youth sports, in my opinion. And I think "what would do if he weren't swimming?" He might run track. Maybe he would study a little more. Many of his peers (he has his twin are turning 14 this year) seem to spend a good amount of time watching tv, playing video games, and on the computer. My sons have no time for that. Very rarely would they have time for any of that. He is a very good violinist and we will continue with that too, even though he's never going to be concert master of a major orchestra. I just don't really look at it in that goal-oriented of a way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbmom Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I agree that the things people gain from competitive sports are not usually measured in whether or not they manage to achieve on some elite level, but are more the lessons on perseverance, teamwork, the value of hard work and practice, winning and losing gracefully,engaging in a physical activity and learning the importance of exercise and physical fitness, etc. I personally am happy to invest the time and money as long as they are enjoying it and taking it seriously. If it becomes a social hour to chat with friends and goof off then I would change my mind, but until that point I think it would be truly unfair to tell one child they are not worth investing the time and/or money in because they will never be "good." I might encourage them to try other sports or activities to find their niche, but wouldn't pull them from the initial activity unless they did find something else they would rather pursue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 My kids did competitive Irish Dance for years. They learned: discipline, how to listen to directions, how to stand still when standing in front of a group waiting to perform (many adults can't do this), what it's like to have judges and hundreds of people watching and critiquing your every move, how to show up even when maybe you don't feel like it that day, how to be a supportive team member .... How to cross train to develop technique, why it's important to cross train .... How to be gracious in victory and dignified in defeat .... How to treat a blister, how to treat a twisted ankle, how to apply makeup/tanner/a wig/body glue, how to count beats in music precisely, how to change clothes really really quickly without a dressing room, how to keep non-washable clothing from smelling like body odor even when you're sweating like crazy in them .... That sometimes people seem to be chosen because of their looks rather than their ability, and, yeah, that's unfair, but you just deal with it and move on .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I can understand you deciding that swimming takes up too much family time and cutting back on pool hours. However, if you just pull the plug on one child I think it could cause serious relationship problems within the family. You cannot send the message that he's not good enough for your time and attention, but his sisters are. Competitive swimming will sort your children according to its standards and he'll know he's 'less than' in that arena. That's just a life lesson. People cope and learn that there is always someone better and they need to be happy with their own goals and accomplishments. However, if he genuinely enjoys it, I wouldn't do anything to make him feel less valued in his own family. To be healthy and actively and happily engaged in a lifetime sport is a very good thing with lifelong health benefits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I dance. I am not good at it. But it keeps me fit, and I have fun. I have dance friends; we work hard on learning our dances. I hope to do it until at least my 70's. Long story as to why, but my ds did swimming for a few years. On one shining day, two years into it, he finished not last in his (exhibition, didn't count for the team, something they do for the kids who aren't competitive so they aren't just warming the bench) race. NOT LAST!!! So exciting! He learned that he could try anything even if he was bad at it to start with, that he could work hard at something and improve, that there was no shame in starting at the bottom. (He practiced with 8 year olds when he was 15 as that was the appropriate level based on his ability.) This past summer, he worked at scout camp with all the kids who didn't pass their swim test. He knew what it had been like to be in their shoes. Some of them were able to pass by the end of the week. Some weren't, but had a positive camp experience anyway. I can not even begin to explain how very, very worth it those "drive 30 minutes each way to an hour-log practice (at dinner time), juggle with other kids' activities, sit in the steamy hot pool room to watch practice, find the location of the meet based on skimpy info, wash the expensive bathing suit right now, etc." evenings were. If your ds is enjoying it, stick with it. If he wants to try something else, make room for it. Enjoy that your whole family is interested in the same thing. Recognize that a lifetime sport is part of an excellent education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 It's not about "leading to anything" specifically related to the sport. My dc are required to participate in sports for the physical activity. They get to choose the sport or physical activity within my limits of cost/distance. My dd has taken on competing at club level in her chosen sport. Her chosen sport is not the sport where she has shown talent from a young age--she never wanted to do that sport "because, Mommy that's what you do. I want to do somethingelse." What does she get out of this 1. good physical activity 2. constantly challenging herself, because this is not easy for her 3. self discipline 4. time management I do not believe all youth sports or participation in club/travel youth sports should have the goal of scholarships or Olympic level competition. There are too many variables to get to that level. If your goal is scholarships, you would be better off taking all the money you sink into the sport and investing it in a good mutual fund to be used for your child's education. I appreciate the other things participation in sports develops that are lifelong skills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paintedlady Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 DS plays footbal, and this is his first year at anything competitive. Even though he's not a star player, I still think it's worth the considerable time (10-12 hours a week) and effort he puts into it. He's on a team for the first time and that's a different dynamic than the individual he's done before. He's learning when you make a commitment to play, your commitment is to the team. If you don't feel like practicing, or if you've got a touch of a cold, you buck up and go anyway because the team is counting on you to be there. You can't just skip practice. He's learning how to get along with a lot of different personalities, including a coach that no one's terribly thrilled about. We keep explaining to him that this is real life and there are always going to be difficult people to deal with. Team sports is a great place to learn that lesson, and an opportunity to extend grace to those who are harder to get along with. I also think that the amount of physical activity that's required is a very good thing because it helps to keep him fit and wears him out. I can think of a dozen reasons why team/competitive sports are good for kids, and as long as they're enjoying it and it's affordable, I'd keep continue to let them participate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Baseball takes up about 10-15 hours/wk, door to door, even though DS will never be a Yankee. Fall ball is only about 6 hours. Team building, physical fitness, pleasure, socializing/friendship, and noticeable confidence boosting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I am feeling increasingly insecure about the "justification" for spending 12-15h per week (door to door, but without counting the competitions!) for an activity "that won't lead to anything"... I know this sounds harsh, particulary when considering that ds is happy about his life as a swimmer, but still, I am having a hard time with settling with this kind of time-investment, "just for fun"!. My DD does not participate in a competetive sport, but she spends 25+ hours per week on an extracurricular activity that has absolutely no bearing on her future professional life - she rides and trains horses. I see this time investment as a wonderful thing for -her character development (nothing humbles a person inclined towards perfectionism as much as a non-cooperative horse), -her team work skills (organizing barn duties and shoveling manure together is a great team building activity). - her physical skills (riding and all the other activity associated with it) - feeling a sense of accomplishment in having succeeded at something really hard (for her, riding is much more challenging than algebra or physics) I want her to be passionate about something, to follow an interest in depth, to develop friendships with like minded people, to have an area in her life that is not academic. I find this AS important as pursuing a rigorous academic course work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I need help thinking this through... Our kids have been involved in competitive swimming for two years. The girls are good...really good! There are, at this point, no limits to what they might reach. Ds is a different story. He started later and has always been on the lower end of the group. Even though he is evolving fine, we (dh and I) would be surprised to suddenly find him anywhere in the "top-crowd". Ds enjoys swimming, he likes the group, the trainers, everything! I am feeling increasingly insecure about the "justification" for spending 12-15h per week (door to door, but without counting the competitions!) for an activity "that won't lead to anything"... I know this sounds harsh, particulary when considering that ds is happy about his life as a swimmer, but still, I am having a hard time with settling with this kind of time-investment, "just for fun"! Ds' swimming will have a more considerable impact on his life (and family life in general) than ever before, this coming year. Why do your kids participate in competitive sports? What if you can exclude the world-championship and the Olympics:tongue_smilie:? Thank you for thinking this through with me! I pretty much grew up without sports (which I regret!), so this is new...and I feel so "unsettled" with my opinion on this topic. I have not read the replies. I've been in that place before. The solution for me was to do the activity, but not at the competitive level, for that child. So, in your case, I would suggest a swim class or an open swim or something of that nature. There is nothing horrible about stopping an activity or lowering the severity of the commitment. I remember thinking that when I was reading Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. I kept wondering why Amy Chua could only see it as high-commitment, competitive violin or quitting violin altogether. There's plenty of middle ground for enjoying violin without having to practice for hours a day and drive to New York on the weekends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in Florida Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 My DD does not participate in a competetive sport, but she spends 25+ hours per week on an extracurricular activity that has absolutely no bearing on her future professional life - she rides and trains horses.I see this time investment as a wonderful thing for -her character development (nothing humbles a person inclined towards perfectionism as much as a non-cooperative horse), -her team work skills (organizing barn duties and shoveling manure together is a great team building activity). - her physical skills (riding and all the other activity associated with it) - feeling a sense of accomplishment in having succeeded at something really hard (for her, riding is much more challenging than algebra or physics) I want her to be passionate about something, to follow an interest in depth, to develop friendships with like minded people, to have an area in her life that is not academic. I find this AS important as pursuing a rigorous academic course work. Yes, this. :001_smile: First to the OP - thanks for an enlightening thread Regentrude - I love this. I have an equestrian dd also. The hours are huge because not only do you train yourself and you train the horse, there are tons of maintenance hours for the "Equipment". Also the "Equipment" has a mind of its own that may or may not work with you during the competition. :lol: My dd has a friend that plays football, they tease each other. He says "all you do is sit there, the horse does the work" then she says "Well, you never lose a game becuase the ball is in a bad mood that day." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Neither of mine are involved in competitive sports because they are too young. In your son's case, I see three reasons to continue: (1) It is leading to something. If he develops a love of this sport, it could be a fitness activity that serves him well throughout the rest of his life. We plan to require all of our children to participate in some type of sports because we want them to find sports they truly enjoy that will keep them fit forever. (2) Young men especially, I think, have a lot of aggressive, risk-taking feelings buzzing around inside them due to their hormones. Competitive sports are a great place to channel those feelings into something constructive. (3) He'll learn a lot of character lessons. Humility, grace, hard work, camaraderie, etc. That's wonderful that's he's fallen in love with swimming. It's a sport that a person can continue into old age, and the low impact means that he won't have to deal with joint issues down the road. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Honestly, none of it leads anywhere. My kids compete because they enjoy it. It is fun. It makes them happy. It is good for them. Hopefully, they will have a lifelong exercise. I don't see a career being formed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 (edited) My son is a swimmer. Not breaking any records, but a hard worker. It is that tough work ethic that made me willing to shell out for year round swimming this year. Through the winter, he was willing to get up at 0530 to go and swim laps on his own in an effort to not lose all of his stamina and skills. His coaches have complemented him on being the kid who just gets in and swims. He doesn't sit around and delay getting in to practice or mess with the other swimmers or goof around. Swimming has done more to teach him to be tough, uncomplaining, hard working and gracious in not winning than anything I could have taught him. Those are lessons that too many adults never learn. So even if he never goes to regional or state championships, I think it's worth the effort for him. Edited September 10, 2011 by Sebastian (a lady) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 dd11 LOVES synchronized swim. I'm SO lucky that her practices are only twice per week, evenings, and competitions are maybe 4 times per year. I think this is PERFECT for us. While she's very good, I can't see her making it to the Olympics. Still, she LOVES it and I love how well rounded her life is between school, homeschool group, friends, volunteer, sport. My boys never had that. If I had to be out 4 days per week due to one sport, don't think it would happen. A happy kid but a crabby mama isn't really that great, is it? Could you carpool to split the responsibility of getting him to/from swim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 My son has danced for seven or eight years. He's never going to be a professional dancer, at least he won't unless he wakes up one day and decides to start working a lot harder at it. I've had several parents assume that we plan for him to make a career of it and shake their heads when I say he just does it for fun. But I can't see how it's a waste. He enjoys dancing and gets lots of exercise doing it. Dancing has given him all kinds of wonderful opportunities that he would not have gotten sitting at home. So, why not continue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 We are talking about a 12 year old? A boy who has not hit his growth spurt yet? Who has been swimming for less than 3 years? It's way too early to tell what he will do in high school or college. Having said that, I do think that 99.9% of the reasons for competitive sports have nothing to do with going to the Olympics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterpiller Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Because despite his lack of ability his happiness is as importaint as your daughters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Why do your kids participate in competitive sports? What if you can exclude the world-championship and the Olympics:tongue_smilie:? My daughter plays softball, because she loves it, its good exercise, it gives her a social outlet with a purpose (she's shy and needs the purpose) and a way to meet people she otherwise wouldn't. There are possiblities of college scholarships, but even if that never happens - She loves it and its good for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Both my kids do swim team. Neither one of them is going to be the next Olympic Medalist. They participate because competitive swimming is great exercise and because they both enjoy it. From participating, a few things they have learned: The importance of being physically fit. Commitment: If you want to improve you have to put in the time. Gracious losing: You are not always going to be first. Sometimes you lose by a tenth of a second. That sucks but you still shake hands with the guy in the next lane. How to listen to someone other than mom. To be honest I would rather not be spending 20 hours a week at the pool (that is including commuting time) but swim team is not for me, it is for them. They are getting something from the coaches and their team mates that they would not be getting if they did not participate. I also don't believe that team sports are all that and a bag of chips. They are one way of challenging my kids and keeping them physically fit and active. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Mine don't do competitive sports....there is no competitive wilderness canoe tripping, lol. Money-wise, though, what my kids do probably compares to year-long competitive sports ($7000 per child for 6 weeks). It's worth every penny. The benefits: self-conficence, self-reliance, a sense of accomplishment, friends who will last a lifetime, happiness, a chance to do something very few people ever do, the chance to travel to places so remote that they may have been explored a few times in the past 100 years...lifetime experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 In addition to what everyone else has said, most of which apply to us as well (I have a competitive gymnast and a competitive swimmer, both on track to compete in college), I will add the following that are compelling reasons for me to stick it out and to encourage them to do so: 1. This is part of my grand plan for getting them through their teen years without irreparable damage. You almost never hear of competitive gymnasts or swimmers getting pregnant or quitting the team to focus on their drug-dealing careers. The gymnasts do not have time to get into trouble, and swimmers have to be at practice at 5:30 AM, requiring early bedtimes--and how much trouble does anyone get into before 9 PM??? 2. Both of them are in sports that promote healthy body images. They have beautiful, muscular bodies, yes, but they learn to respect their bodies for what they do, rather than for what they look like. 3. Through their sports, they have a much wider array of friends and acquaintances than they would otherwise. 4. Both of them are comfortable performing in front of others. 5. Both of them have learned/are learning both to win and lose gracefully. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 My oldest wrestles competitively, my middle ds is playing football for the first time this year, and my youngest does not play a competitive sport but competes with her fiddle (so similar benefits). The boys have also done taekwondo tournaments in the past. My boys do not play because of future benefits though sometimes those might be the icing on the cake. I won't look at it as a waste of time if they don't get a college scholarship or if they decided to quit or got injured and couldn't play. Their involvement has helped them to become the great kids they are today. -They play because they love the sport and have chosen it. -They make goals for themselves then work to achieve them. -They have learned to win and lose with dignity and poise. -They have learned that sometimes life isn't fair...refs make bad decisions now and then. -I think having their goals and a team to be responsible to helps them make good decisions about the other areas of their lives. Keeps them from getting into trouble. -They learn how to deal with all types of people from fellow teammates to coaches to refs. -They have learned great leadership skills...motivating fellow teammates, teaching skills to others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momsquared Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Well, I want my kids to be physically active...so how good they are at it has nothing to do with it. My dd is very athletic, and being a part of a team with likeminded girls is excellent for her self esteem. She plays competitive ice hockey. She is the youngest girl. Previously she played with all boys because there were no girls at her level. It was an enormous confidence booster. Nothing made me happier than watching her excel, come off the ice, take off her helmet, and seeing all the faces of the helicopter dads. :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 My older son tried a huge number of different sports and nothing ever really clicked with him until he decided he wanted to swim at age 11. He was horrible - no surprise as he hadn't been that good at any other sports. He was awful for two full years. Then he finally got in with some coaches who inspired him and motivated him. He got noticeably better. He was never a top 6 guy on a regular basis, mind you, but he did have what were some successes (both for him and in terms that others would recognize). He swam in high school and was team captain his senior year. He's now swimming in college (at a D3 school) and it gives structure to his days and helps him keep the weight down. He swam daily for 8 years. You have to invest that time in order to swim at all, whether you're a winner or an "also ran." You might find another sport for him that won't take that kind of time investment, but if swimming is what he loves, I don't know that I'd deny him that.... My hope is that we've built a life-long exercise habit for our son that he can do even when he's old. I hope that this will help to make him healthier than many of my generation (like me) who did not grow up with regular exercise instilled in them and who may find it hard to incorporate it into their daily lives.... It was a significant time investment. I carried around a backpack full of books, notebooks (my laptop, later), etc. and worked wherever I found myself. When he was older, I would leave and go run nearby errands so that I was getting things done while he practiced. I do love having more free time for myself now, but I don't regret the time I gave to him for his swimming, either.... It was never about winning for us, however, as this kid had some real physical coordination issues that I thought would never allow him to have that kind of success. I was just happy when he stopped finishing everything in the bottom half of those at a given meet, LOL. So when he started placing in the top 6, 10, 12, etc. at times, it was pure lagniappe! Best money I ever spent for physical therapy.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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