I do believe I will never fit in

[AuntPol]

Homeschool groups are funny. I've been in several groups. Each has a different vibe. I've been in a Charlotte Mason co-op, a co-op through my non-demoninational church, a Christian co-op that isn't church sponsored but mostly meets at a Luthern church, and just recently I have tried two secular groups (one didn't contact me again after I went to my first activity so apparantly they didn't want me in their group)

 

Things to consider

-Most people are more comfortale talking to people they know than people they don't know.

-Most people are not observant (because they are busy talking to those they know) and don't notice that people are not connecting.

-Homeschool Moms tend to have a higher ratio of introverts or poorer social skills than what I consider normal. (I know I will get yelled at for stereotyping and people saying "not me" -I'm extroverted myself and I homeschool but I see way more introverts)

-If you joing a group and have older kids, it is harder than joining in Kindergarten. K-1 moms tend to gather together naturally. However, the parents of the older kids have been together since Kindergarten and are already tightly knit.

-Some groups are so large or structured in a way that you don't see the same mix of people at every event. Ex-our group has a co-op that meets weekly but not everyone in the support group belongs to it. I didn't the first year. After that, they have a monthly teen get together, a monthly event, a weekly park day, a monthly moms night out, and some field trips. Not everyone has teens so that knocks that out. The monthly events are sometimes things my kids don't want to do (spelling bee, or science fair) or are scheduled on days we can't do it. I have found and others agree that if you don't do the co-op portion, you will likely not get immersed.

[lauranc]

I'm in NC as well.. and I always think of Asheville as sort of hippie/alternative. I bet there's a less conservative homeschool group out there. Maybe a secular group? (not sure which kind you're looking for)

[Brigitte]

Ha, not much better in Asheville, sorry to say. Although it might be the hippy mecca of the Southeast, it seems most of the HS groups are purely Christian, straight and narrow. Not sure where those hippyish, let's all be friends-type Homeschoolers are, there has got to be some, but they haven't formed any groups, at least none that I found when I lived there last year. I assume they have their own little pockets of the area where they do things together, and just do not spread the word like the other HS groups do.

 

I have experienced similiar situations as to what you describe......really stinks that some are so judgemental.

 

When we lived in Asheville I found the groups were one extreme or the other - either very conservative or very crunchy, unschoolers. There was a Yahoo group for Asheville area homeschoolers that appeared more main stream, but I did get raked over the coals for teaching my twins to read at an early age.

 

The only group I participate in is with my church, so I know we are generally like minded and that I fit in. I don't know where everyone finds the time for all these groups and co-ops anyway.....

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I don't even try

[Margaret in GA]

 

I think their problem with you is Eric ;) He is intimidating.

 

I have tried HS groups in the past and I have found the same things you describe. Right now, I have two boys in two different soccer teams and we have the exact same issue. In one, all the moms and dads are friendly and we get together outside of soccer... and tournaments are a big party. It's fun and very inclusive. The other team...well, no fun and there is absolutely no breaking through. They are all fuddy duds and don't have any interest in getting to know us. So, I'm not sure if it's me or if it's them. I'm guessing them.

 

Margaret

 

 

[Ria]

I was in a few groups over the years. I never once fit in. Never. I would give my honest opinion about something if asked (amazing how this can bother people!). I was not an ultraconservative Christian. I was just outside the comfort zone for folks around here.

 

I think I'd like you a lot. :)

[Nakia]

You ladies are AWESOME!! I think you should all move to NC, and we can all start a really cool and funky group!

 

 

 

Nakie,

 

I don't like piercings, I think tats are ugly...LOL ;)

 

But honey, you make me feel safe.

 

You are someone who I think I could listen to forever.

 

You are wise.

 

You have that quirky sense of humor that gets my not-so-proper-sometimes jokes.

 

You are very kind.

 

You have been where I've been with head issues.

 

You would be the most awesome friend, and I hope we get to meet someday on this side, but if not, I'm looking forward to seeing you There.

 

I heart you.

 

And I just realized I've given you a new nickname! LOL:grouphug:

 

Can you please be my IRL friend? You made me teary! Thank you so much for being you!! I heart you too.

[Impish]

You ladies are AWESOME!! I think you should all move to NC, and we can all start a really cool and funky group!

I think you all should move to Canada. :D

[Kim in Appalachia]

You may just need to give them more time. Sometimes people are slow to warm up to someone new, no matter what. I know I'm that way, and I would be completely comfortable with nose piercings and tattoos.:001_smile:

 

I know the homeschool group in our area is very eclectic. You would fit in, and it might take a month or two, but even the most conservative of ladies would ask about your tattoos and be fascinated that your dh does them. They would even be impressed.

 

I know I tend to not fit into anyone's hole. I'm too conservative for some, way too liberal for others. I can never win.

[mommyoftwinboys]

Can I just put a positive spin on your situation? You live in the mountains! I would soooo love to live there! (I live near Charlotte and while we do have a mecca of homeschool groups of every flavor) I would still choose living in the mountains!

May not chear you up, but just trying to look at the bright side.:001_smile:

I bet you could find something near Asheville or Boone-are you near Boone? Boone seems a bit crunchy, yet not as extreme as Asheville.

[LucyStoner]

On the upside, you don't want to fit into a group of people that rejects you based on your appearance or is not proactive in welcoming newcomers. It's their loss. I am sorry they are being such jerks.

Edited September 8, 2011 by kijipt

[DaffodilDreams]

You would fit it with me and my friends, Nakia! We had to make our own group because we don't really fit in with the large groups here, either.

[Julie Smith]

Well, I use to like you. But then you changed. You use to be a woman with a nice smile, now you are some strange looking guy. :tongue_smilie:

 

(Truthfully at first I had no idea who you were, and I was thinking how did I miss someone who got up in the thousands of posts)

 

My biggest problem is I don't remember names at all. I'm also not very good at faces. Lots of people know me, but I don't like going up to say "hi" since I can't greet them by name. I do remember how many kids they have, how long they have been homeschooling, what religion they are, that they were having car trouble 3 weeks ago, there new puppy did something naughty on the carpet last month. But name???

 

 

to homeschool groups. Most of the ones around here are very conservative. I guess am not conservative enough (it might be the tattoos and nose ring, lol). We tried out another one this past Friday, and the only moms who talked to me, of their own accord, are the two that I knew already. I tried to start conversations with several other moms, and all I got was one word answers and then they walked away.

 

There are probably less conservative groups in Asheville, but that is 40 minutes away. It's not that I feel like we must be in a group, but I would like to be...sometimes...I think... And I would like to not be judged for loving Harry Potter, wearing jeans, and having piercings and ink.

 

I have a hard time fitting in anyway. I'm quirky. I'm different. I do fit in at church simply because my church is so diverse and open minded. Anyway, I'm rambling. Just needed to lament for a minute. Thanks for reading.

[QuirkyKapers]

I'm with you on the homeschool groups. I have tried at least 6 different homeschool groups. It has been hard to connect with people. I don't fit the mold, and the mold is different for every group. So, I guess I am just quirky too. :tongue_smilie:The group where the women were chatty with me, well, I couldn't join because they wanted you to be of their faith group.

[Coffeetime]

I won't ever be able to teach in my favorite (so far) homeschool group co-op because I can't sign the statement of faith which includes a belief in the literal six day creation of the universe. (Heh. Maybe that's actually a blessing based on what I've read here about co-ops.)

 

Homeschool groups really have statement's of faith that are THAT detailed?!?!?! Wow. I never knew. What are they going to do, teach doctrine?? I find that odd...:confused:

Edited September 8, 2011 by Coffeetime

[Slartibartfast]

Homeschool groups really have statement's of faith that are THAT detailed?!?!?! Wow. What are they going to do, teach doctrine?? I find that odd...:confused:

 

Yes, a lot of them do.

[Coffeetime]

Yes, a lot of them do.

 

I never knew. But that's probably because I've never joined a group. ;)

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug:

I'd hang out with you anytime :grouphug:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:I wish you could come to our group! THere are all types and everyone gets along well! The leader of the group if very conservative but nice. One of her closest friends is covered in tattoos. Who cares?

 

You're a beautiful human being inside and out. THEIR LOSS.

 

In closing I want to add that sometimes people just take longer to open up. I wouldn't give up yet, especially if your kids want to be a part of the group. I have belonged to homeschool groups strictly for the kids, and I've both been kept at arms length and also kept people at arms length. No biggie. You love to read - bring a book.;) I used to feel like a snob going out to the car during breaks but I just had to. I had just lost my mom and I was NOT up to making new friends.

[Mommy22alyns]

:grouphug: I totally understand. I've had the girls in co-op and AHG for a couple of years now and STILL have no friends. It's like they all know each other and screw the newcomers. :glare:

[Jennifer3141]

You fit in here, Nakia! :grouphug:

[kchara]

I'd hang out with you, Nakia! :grouphug: I don't fit in well anywhere, with anybody. I'm to afraid to actually try the local group here. I really should, the kids could really use some interaction, but I have a feeling I wouldn't fit in there, either. ((sigh))

[Mommyfaithe]

Nakia,

 

You would fit in to my own personal homeschool group. I would take you to my support group and say, "This is my friend Nakia and she homeschools and loves the Lord. Anybody have a problem with that?" :boxing_smiley:

 

 

:D

 

I think you are cool and while we may not always agree on homeschooling, theological, math, vaccinating, shopping cart issues, I like you, I really like you.

 

So . . . all you gotta do is move across the country. :tongue_smilie:

 

[i might even listen to Lady Gaga with you and watch whatever it is your boyfriend does]

:iagree::iagree:

 

I have some of my own ink...no piercings...other than a bunch in my ears...but dd does:D. Feel good that at least you fit in at church...no can do around here and I refuse to squish myself into that mold.

 

Faithe

[Alicia64]

I haven't read all these pages of posts, but I want to add that you would SO fit into our co-op.

 

In fact, even though I have a long, long liberal background I find myself growing more conservative w/ time -- and I feel judged by my "fringy" co-op! (Kind of annoying because I don't broadcast my differences or issues, but I sometimes feel like I need ink and a nose ring to fit in.)

 

Hang in there.

 

I once lived in a very high end, snoot neighborhood and started feeling so badly about myself. Then we moved and it became very clear to me that I was a square hole trying to live in a round, snooty neighborhood.

 

I wish I'd figured it out a lot sooner.

 

Alley

[Runningmom80]

I haven't read all these pages of posts, but I want to add that you would SO fit into our co-op.

 

In fact, even though I have a long, long liberal background I find myself growing more conservative w/ time -- and I feel judged by my "fringy" co-op! (Kind of annoying because I don't broadcast my differences or issues, but I sometimes feel like I need ink and a nose ring to fit in.)

 

Hang in there.

 

I once lived in a very high end, snoot neighborhood and started feeling so badly about myself. Then we moved and it became very clear to me that I was a square hole trying to live in a round, snooty neighborhood.

 

I wish I'd figured it out a lot sooner.

 

Alley

 

 

I am in this kind of neighborhood now. Part of me wants to move to the country and just be happy to be different.

[Ellesmere]

I am not 100% sure. But sometimes you just kinda know.

It would be in one of the groups around here. I don't even have any piercings (my skin doesn't deal well with them) but nope, I just don't fit in.

 

:grouphug: You seem to fit in well around here :)

[Rosie_0801]

I think you all should move to Canada. :D

 

Or Australia. You "freaks" seem mundane to me.

 

:tongue_smilie:

Rosie

[MamaT]

Nakia :grouphug:

 

When you feel that way, you need to drive the hour it takes to get to my house and hang out with us!

 

You know we all love you and you fit right in around here.

[Nakia]

Nakia :grouphug:

 

When you feel that way, you need to drive the hour it takes to get to my house and hang out with us!

 

You know we all love you and you fit right in around here.

 

I do just need to come hang out with you! I love you guys!

[mom2g2b]

There is a Western North Carolina middle schoolers yahoo group. They get together on Wed. wncmiddleschoolers might help you search for it.

 

Vickie

[Dustybug]

Where are you in WNC? I'd love to meet other homeschoolers! I live not far from Lenoir and I'm having a similar problem, although I don't fit in because I'm not really the smile-in-your-face-disingeniously type. lol. I am a fairly conservative Christian, but I love to meet/talk to people of all types, regardless of beliefs. (I used to have a few piercings of my own as did my DH). I haven't found a group that really welcomed us either. Some of them even treated us weirdly because we aren't "Official" homeschoolers, since we aren't registered with the state yet. :glare:

 

I grew up in the No. Va./D.C. area and have always found it rather disconcerting how snooty some people here can be. And for the record, even though people in my church are "like-minded," I don't really fit in there either. :tongue_smilie:

[Nakia]

We are about 40 minutes west of Asheville.

[cin]

 

Homeschool groups are a tough nut to crack. Most of them have been buddies since their kids were in kindergarten and they just don't appear very outgoing and friendly.

 

 

Ya' know, I've been in a homeschool group for a long time; since my oldest was in K with some of them, and I'm STILL not 'in'. At least that's the way I feel. I think part of it for me is that I'm not at EVERY activity; I honestly don't know HOW some of them get school done! Forgive me for focusing on academics!! :glare:

[JessReplanted]

I feel the same way. :tongue_smilie: We are going to try to go to a 'start of the school year get together' that a local HS group is having tomorrow night, and I'm dreading it.

[NCMom]

We are about 40 minutes west of Asheville.

 

We are in Asheville 6 days a week now...sigh. BOY oh boy is there a lot offered in the area for homeschoolers!

 

I know about the super conservative groups and there is a Yahoo group that looks like it has a lot of the unschooler/Waldorf/crunchy gals on it.

 

So is there just nothing that is middle of the road in the area or closer to you?

 

My kids are older but we have given up on fitting in anywhere. But I will say the most we ever managed to connect was when ~I~ gave up and started a group with another mom. It was wonderful. And of course then we moved. :tongue_smilie:

 

Maybe you could start something?

 

:grouphug:

 

Georgia