Help me with some perspective, please

[Karen in CO]

My house sits near a 4 way stop sign that has been the local bus stop for the public school bus for more than 20 years. Last week, the bus stop was moved more than a quarter mile away with no warning or explanation.

 

Three nights ago, my neighbor from across the street came over to quietly talk to my husband on the front porch which was very strange. He'd found that the bus stop was moved because another neighbor on our little 5 house cul-de-sac had taken in a person who is on the offender registry (yes, that one). The guy was recently released from prison and is having trouble finding a job. Imagine that. The rest of the cul-de-sac is pretty angry. This is supposed to be temporary until he gets back on his feet.

 

Only two of us on the cul-de-sac have kids. The other neighbor with kids put his house on the market yesterday. I don't think anyone will buy a house in a family neighborhood that is so close to someone on the registry (our zip code has a total of 3 others on the registry).

 

We've pulled all of the police reports that we can access legally. The crime was not violent, but it was horrible, disgusting, and disturbing.

 

What would you? What can I do? We've tried talking to the neighbor. We've discussed having everyone on the cul-de-sac listing our houses for sale to send a message to the neighbor. We fear that even if this one offender moves away our neighbor might take in someone else, someone worse. None of us would have moved here if he had been there first.

 

 

ETA: for clarification the crime was against a child - a 12 year girl and the conviction was for abuse by a person in a position of trust.

Edited August 28, 2011 by Karen in CO

[mo2]

My house sits near a 4 way stop sign that has been the local bus stop for the public school bus for more than 20 years. Last week, the bus stop was moved more than a quarter mile away with no warning or explanation.

 

Three nights ago, my neighbor from across the street came over to quietly talk to my husband on the front porch which was very strange. He'd found that the bus stop was moved because another neighbor on our little 5 house cul-de-sac had taken in a person who is on the offender registry (yes, that one). The guy was recently released from prison and is having trouble finding a job. Imagine that. The rest of the cul-de-sac is pretty angry. This is supposed to be temporary until he gets back on his feet.

 

Only two of us on the cul-de-sac have kids. The other neighbor with kids put his house on the market yesterday. I don't think anyone will buy a house in a family neighborhood that is so close to someone on the registry (our zip code has a total of 3 others on the registry).

 

We've pulled all of the police reports that we can access legally. The crime was not violent, but it was horrible, disgusting, and disturbing.

 

What would you? What can I do? We've tried talking to the neighbor. We've discussed having everyone on the cul-de-sac listing our houses for sale to send a message to the neighbor. We fear that even if this one offender moves away our neighbor might take in someone else, someone worse. None of us would have moved here if he had been there first.

 

 

I don't have an answer, but years ago I was trying to sell our house, and a man on the registry moved into another house in the neighborhood. And guess what? Every time someone was interested in buying our house, they would back out because they found out about *that man*. We ended up losing our home to foreclosure because no one would buy it and we had hit rough times financially.

[tammyw]

I have no advice but I couldn't read and not respond. I'm so sorry you are facing this. It's every parent's worst nightmare. You would think the neighbor who is taking this person in would feel some sort of responsibility towards his neighbors? I really hope you can get this resolved.

[Karen in CO]

I don't have an answer, but years ago I was trying to sell our house, and a man on the registry moved into another house in the neighborhood. And guess what? Every time someone was interested in buying our house, they would back out because they found out about *that man*. We ended up losing our home to foreclosure because no one would buy it and we had hit rough times financially.

 

That is horrible.

 

One of the first things I thought was that we'd never be able to sell our house. I'm so angry and sad.

 

We talked to the kids because they knew something was wrong. We explained that the guy in the blue house had let a man who had been to jail for hurting kids move in with him. We explained that we were always careful because we know that there are bad people in the world so that this doesn't really change anything thing. BUT in reality, it changes what I see when I look out my front windows.

[myfunnybunch]

Can you call the police or his parole officer and find out if the terms of his release allow him to live that near children?

 

Cat

[swellmomma]

I have no advice but I couldn't read and not respond. I'm so sorry you are facing this. It's every parent's worst nightmare. You would think the neighbor who is taking this person in would feel some sort of responsibility towards his neighbors? I really hope you can get this resolved.

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[Karen in CO]

Can you call the police or his parole officer and find out if the terms of his release allow him to live that near children?

 

Cat

We've already done that. There isn't a restriction on offenders of his type. They only do that in CO for people that are considered predators (which basically means they've been convicted more than a few times or were very violent).

 

However, if he steps a half inch onto anyone property it will violate his parole. The neighbor right next to him put up a security camera and visibly marked his property line.

[OLG]

Can you call the police or his parole officer and find out if the terms of his release allow him to live that near children?

 

Cat

 

This was my thought as well. Seems to me that a condition of parole would be NOT to be near children given the nature of his crime. You could also try a neighborhood petition. I'd be worried about the guy in the neighborhood, period.

[kht2006]

I'm sorry this happened. I don't have any advice and I have no idea what I would do in your position. (I just couldn't read and not post.)

[mo2]

That is horrible.

 

Thank you.

 

One of the first things I thought was that we'd never be able to sell our house. I'm so angry and sad.

 

It's hard. Because, who can blame them for not wanting to buy a house next door to a pervert?

 

We talked to the kids because they knew something was wrong. We explained that the guy in the blue house had let a man who had been to jail for hurting kids move in with him. We explained that we were always careful because we know that there are bad people in the world so that this doesn't really change anything thing. BUT in reality, it changes what I see when I look out my front windows.

 

 

Good for you explaining it to the kids. My dd (who was 4 at the time) didn't understand why she was the only kid in the neighborhood not allowed to play near this man's yard. I didn't understand it either, because, why didn't the other parents warn their children too? But they didn't. It was the kind of neighborhood where I could let her play outside with the neighbor kids at that age, because there were always parents around. It was just that kind of neighborhood---everyone was always outside, and everyone looked out for one another's children. But after he moved in I felt I *always* had to be watching her.

[mo2]

Also, I hope that the guy in your neighborhood "gets on his feet" real fast and moves on out of there....to a new neighborhood with no children!

[happygrrl]

Well, the tricky part is that the neighbor is likely doing a good thing by helping someone get on their feet. Everyone deserves a chance to make things right.

 

It is more difficult to think this way, though, when your kids are near, I know!

 

I live in a neighborhood (loosely defined) were there are not many houses I would let my kids visit unattended. Yes, there is a S.O. here. But basically anywhere this guy lives is going to be near someone's child. There is also rampant drug and alcohol use and many other things that they are not ready to deal with.

 

I educate my kids, encourage them and pray that they are safe. I know where they are going and who they are with, while trying not to be too controlling and fearful. What else can one do? I know this is no help really, just a :grouphug:.

[Colleen]

The guy was recently released from prison and is having trouble finding a job. Imagine that. The rest of the cul-de-sac is pretty angry. This is supposed to be temporary until he gets back on his feet.

Angry at the neighbor because he put someone else's concerns ahead of yours, or...?

 

Only two of us on the cul-de-sac have kids. The other neighbor with kids put his house on the market yesterday.

I have to believe that this family was already considering moving. Deciding from one day to the next to uproot and leave because a convicted sex offender is (temporarily?) living on the street is imo hysterical behavior. What are they going to do if they buy elsewhere and the next day an offender moves in next door? Move again? And then again? Really, it's ridiculous.

 

What would you? What can I do? We've tried talking to the neighbor. We've discussed having everyone on the cul-de-sac listing our houses for sale to send a message to the neighbor.

What message is that? Again, it sounds rash and imo unnecessary. What exactly do you mean when you say you've tried talking to the neighbor? I would likely continue in that vein, and include the registered offender in the conversation. Be open and honest about your concerns and resist the temptation to be hostile.

[kalanamak]

When I look on the "map" for this, they are peppered all over. Good luck finding a house in any urban area that isn't near a registered SO. I think your neighbor is over-reacting.

[Karen in CO]

When I look on the "map" for this, they are peppered all over. Good luck finding a house in any urban area that isn't near a registered SO. I think your neighbor is over-reacting.

 

I know he's overreacting, but he is concerned for his daughter. The guy was convicted for hurting a child. My neighbor works with kids and has strong feelings about stuff like this. He's also angry that he found out from someone else instead of from our neighbor. We have the kind of cul-de-sac where no one thinks twice about helping to shovel a driveway or fix the broken fence. Finding out from a third party has brought in problems of trust.

 

Our map isn't littered with offenders. There are now 4 in our zip code.

[elegantlion]

I'd be curious what the law is about an offender moving into the neighborhood. Aside from keeping his address up to date with his PO, what about neighborhood notification? I seem to recall see notifications like that in the paper, but if you don't read the paper they are useless.

 

Have you considered having neighborhood meeting with a police officer present to discuss this individual? I know our states site has you click an agreement even before looking up information (or they used to). You basically agree to not use the list to harass the individuals.

[Margo out of lurking]

..

[regentrude]

I would be cautions about that person, watch my children, talk to them about it- but the reality is that wherever you choose to live, there may be a SO living in the neighborhood. They have to live SOMEwhere - much better they be registered with their address than vanish and nobody knows where.

 

It may be worth keeping in mind that most child abusers are people who know the victim. Your kid's soccer coach or youth group leader poses a greater risk.

[regentrude]

Also, I hope that the guy in your neighborhood "gets on his feet" real fast and moves on out of there....to a new neighborhood with no children!

 

which is probably not something that exists - unless he is old enough to move into a retirement community

[endurancerider]

Perspective?

 

Well, I guess something to consider would be at least you KNOW he's there. For every person on the sex offender list, there are MANY, MANY more that you don't know where or who they are. Just because you find a neighborhood where there are not any SO's listed, doesn't mean that they are not there.

 

Good for you to use this as an opportunity to educate your children about safety!

[gardenmom5]

He'd found that the bus stop was moved because another neighbor on our little 5 house cul-de-sac had taken in a person who is on the offender registry (yes, that one). The other neighbor with kids put his house on the market yesterday.

 

What would you? What can I do? We've tried talking to the neighbor. We've discussed having everyone on the cul-de-sac listing our houses for sale to send a message to the neighbor. We fear that even if this one offender moves away our neighbor might take in someone else, someone worse. None of us would have moved here if he had been there first.

 

.

 

does this neighbor own or rent? if he rents, you can pressure the landlord.

also, what level offender is he?

I don't know of anything you can do other than keeping your kids away from the neighbor and under a tight visual when outside.

 

I've a friend whose brother was an offender - and even though she told her mom she didn't want her kids around him, she'd go to her mom's house and he'd be there at mom's invitation. She taught her kids to yell "wolf", and it would make the brother back off.

Edited August 28, 2011 by gardenmom5

[NanceXToo]

If he's not breaking parole merely by living there, there's really nothing you can do other than talk to your children and supervise them carefully. Role play with them, be as honest as you can for their age and ability, teach them what to do in various scenarios, and so on. Empower them to whatever extent you can.

 

Like others have said, there are probably registered offenders in every neighborhood. I don't think moving is going to help. And it's just not all that easy or practical to sell a house and move anyway.

[Parker Martin]

Call the detective who handled the man's case. Find out whether or not the detective thinks he's dangerous and go from there.

[ondreeuh]

Where I'm from, only SOs who are considered predatory are on the maps. There were NONE on the map of my suburban town, but of course there are other people who are convicted SOs that we didn't know about. I think registries give people a false sense of security - "I can let my child wander alone because there aren't any offenders on the list," when in fact there could be people who had never been caught or whose convictions didn't meet the criteria. There are very few places a SO could live that are not near children so it's better to assume that there are people of questionable background in your neighborhood and accept it. I'm sure most of the SOs on the registry are afraid of being harassed and want to stay out of your way as much as you want them to.

 

Honestly? The SO registry doesn't make any difference to me. If you follow the basic, common-sense "rules" (supervise your kids outside when they are young, require them to buddy up when they are older, and make sure they know to never get in the car/home of someone without asking you first, etc.) then you don't need to worry about the background of everyone in your neighborhood.

[SailorMom]

SO's are everywhere, and the ones you know about aren't the problem for the most part.

 

I'd be more worried about the people who haven't gotten caught.

 

We have an SO in our neighborhood, about 3 blocks away. I've warned the kids, we've pointed out the house and their car, and left it at that.

 

There are about 30 just in our town.

 

Unless we (as in the US) start building SO only apartment complexes I can't imagine they could all live somewhere where there are no kids.

 

You can look up all SO's, and even see their pictures, and educating kids is a great help. But really - being that so many SO's have never been caught, the only thing we can do as parents is watch our kids closely and educate them well.

[Thia]

Hugs to you. I am among those who are disappointed and sometimes outraged that these criminals are allowed back into the general public. A year after we moved into our home, a parole officer stopped here because she noticed the kids playing outside. The man across the street is a non listed offender. BUT she feels he is enough of a risk that she stopped. My children are "his" ages. In fact, the man was letting his dog loose as an excuse to get over here. Once we found out, we put a quick end to that. I hate the feeling that he's watching my "babies" when they're outside playing. If we had known, we wouldn't have bought this house. I know that they're everywhere, but right across the street is too close for comfort.

[8circles]

It's highly unlikely that an SO would just grab a kid from the neighborhood. 99% of the time, they are going to form a relationship with the child/family, if they aren't already in a position of trust through marriage or other relationship (mom's boyfriend, for example).

 

 

Exactly. Which is why the other thread advising people to get to know the offenders in the neighborhood is so irresponsible.

 

OP, I think there's nothing you really can do except tell your kids what the deal is (as much as their ages allow) & be careful. Its really the same as you should do if there weren't a SO in the neighborhood.

[T'smom]

Perspective?

 

Well, I guess something to consider would be at least you KNOW he's there. For every person on the sex offender list, there are MANY, MANY more that you don't know where or who they are. Just because you find a neighborhood where there are not any SO's listed, doesn't mean that they are not there.

 

Good for you to use this as an opportunity to educate your children about safety!

 

:iagree: Of COURSE you should take note and keep your kids away from him..... BUT there are many out there who haven't been caught yet. At least you know to look out for this one.

[Laurie4b]

Perspective?

 

Well, I guess something to consider would be at least you KNOW he's there. For every person on the sex offender list, there are MANY, MANY more that you don't know where or who they are. Just because you find a neighborhood where there are not any SO's listed, doesn't mean that they are not there.

 

Good for you to use this as an opportunity to educate your children about safety!

 

:iagree: And since you've warned your kids about this specific individual then i think you're in a better position with him than with others who you may not even know are in your social circle.

[TravelingChris]

I certainly don't know what kind of neighborhoods everyone else lives in, but I am always moving into neighborhoods with no SOs. It isn;t that they aren't listed and there are some in the zip code but zip codes cover miles. I don't worry about SO"s who are more than a mile away. Only in Florida did we have one closer and he was still more than a half mile away. We pointed out the house to the kids and never let them walk near the place. Then he moved away anyway (or maybe he died since he was elderly). But I can understand the OP's concern and dislike of the situation. Unless the person allowing the SO to live there is a renter, I am not sure of what you can do. I would also keep a look out to be ready to call the cops if he steps onto anyone else's property.

[NotSoObvious]

Do you have a RAD kids instructor in your area?

 

My girls took this class and it was wonderful! It might help you feel at ease (although I wouldn't directly link it to this guy and make your kids scared).

 

http://www.radkids.org/

[happygrrl]

Exactly. Which is why the other thread advising people to get to know the offenders in the neighborhood is so irresponsible.

 

 

I can't see how getting to know one's neighbors is ever irresponsible. Of course, I am not talking about inviting the guy over for a BBQ and meet the kids! I live very rurally, and knowing my neighbors, for better or worse, can literally be a matter of life and death. We do have a SO as a neighbor. I don't visit him, I assure you, but Dh has.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

does this neighbor own or rent? if he rents, you can pressure the landlord.

also, what level offender is he?

I don't know of anything you can do other than keeping your kids away from the neighbor and under a tight visual when outside.

 

I've a friend whose brother was an offender - and even though she told her mom she didn't want her kids around him, she'd go to her mom's house and he'd be there at mom's invitation. She taught her kids to yell "wolf", and it would make the brother back off.

 

:001_huh:yikes.

[keptwoman]

Based on the fact that his crime was to a child that he was in a position of trust with, I very much doubt that he is the type who will snatch a kid off the street. He would try to build a relationship with the child and the family. Groom you all, in other words. Knowledge is power. You know that your children are safe from this person as long as they understand he is not to be trusted and they don't form a friendship with him. That means never going to that persons house etc. But it wouldn't stop me allowing them to play on the street together.

 

It's the ones I don't know about that bother me.

[kalanamak]

He's also angry that he found out from someone else instead of from our neighbor. We have the kind of cul-de-sac where no one thinks twice about helping to shovel a driveway or fix the broken fence. Finding out from a third party has brought in problems of trust.

 

 

 

Hum, whom was he expecting to come over and tell him? That would be an awkward situation, and I don't think I'd have the wherewithal to go around the neighborhood telling people.

[Guest submarines]

I'm confused about his restriction. You are implying the bus stop was moved, because the SO is not allowed to being near children? Then how is he allowed to live near children?

 

However, I think trying to force him out of the neighbourhood is an overreaction. For every registered SO, there are many unregistered ones. I don't see how this person is a threat to the neighbourhood children, since everyone is aware of him now.

 

If your other neighbours put their house for sale BECAUSE of him moving in, well, that's just :confused:.

[8circles]

I can't see how getting to know one's neighbors is ever irresponsible. Of course, I am not talking about inviting the guy over for a BBQ and meet the kids! I live very rurally, and knowing my neighbors, for better or worse, can literally be a matter of life and death. We do have a SO as a neighbor. I don't visit him, I assure you, but Dh has.

 

I understand why your DH would visit your neighbor. That isn't the scenario laid out in the other thread. Unfortunately it now gone so I can't quote it. The advice was to get to kno the SO in order to determine whether or not he/she is a predator. If I lived by a SO I would treat him/her like any other neighbor that wasn't more than an aquaintance.

[Karen in CO]

I'm confused about his restriction. You are implying the bus stop was moved, because the SO is not allowed to being near children? Then how is he allowed to live near children?

 

.

 

The school district chose to move the bus stop. It wasn't required. He is allowed to live near children.

[G5052]

Based on the fact that his crime was to a child that he was in a position of trust with, I very much doubt that he is the type who will snatch a kid off the street. He would try to build a relationship with the child and the family. Groom you all, in other words. Knowledge is power. You know that your children are safe from this person as long as they understand he is not to be trusted and they don't form a friendship with him. That means never going to that persons house etc. But it wouldn't stop me allowing them to play on the street together.

 

It's the ones I don't know about that bother me.

 

As creepy as it seems, this person would be a lower risk in my mind. My entire family would keep their distance and of course I'd prepare my children, although I always have. I don't know if this is always true, but a friend of mine who is a parole officer told me that the majority of the people on "the list" for a single offense who maintain contact and follow the rules of their parole don't repeat. It is the repeat offenders and ones who haven't been caught yet that you worry about.