Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 We live in the best neighborhood on the best street. It is truly an awesome place to live. However, we have some people who have been renting a house up the street for the past year who have made things a little more unpleasant. Back story here: When they first moved onto our street, the mom from the rental, Sally, came down to my house and said that my then 10 year old son had mowed over her two year old with his bike and was laughing about it. The way she talked made it sound like she had seen the whole thing. I went to find my son and ask him about it and finally found him under the house crying because he felt so bad. He said the toddler had walked out in the road in front of him.Turns out the mom didn't see it and it was her 3rd grade daughter, Katie, who was "baby-sitting" the two year old who saw it and told her mom that my son hit the toddler on purpose. Sally admitted not seeing what happened when I asked her about it. We've tried to steer clear of them since then, but have had a few minor run-ins with Katie taunting my boys as they ride their bikes up and down the street. This summer, Katie was in the same VBS class as my middle son and then just a few weeks later, she was in a church art camp with him. Since Sally is a single mom and the art camp was a long drive, I decided to be kind and offer to carpool. Sally was super sweet and friendly so I thought maybe we had just gotten off on the wrong foot. Today Sally sends me a facebook message that says my youngest son (6) had hit her daughter's friend, Emma, in the head with a rock. Since that is so out of character for my son, I was pretty suspicious. When I asked him what happened, he started crying and said Katie and Emma were throwing things and him and calling him names. These are two 9/10 year old girls! He did admit that he picked up a rock and threatened them, but he dropped it. He then told me that Sally threatened to call the police on him. What the what? (said in my best Liz Lemon voice.) What kind of person threatens a six year old with the police!? Especially when she didn’t see what happened? Then another neighbor called me and her daughter, Lacy, filled in the details for me. Turns out Katie and Emma asked Lacy for a rock, so she handed them one and then Emma HIT HERSELF in the head with it. When Lacy asked why she was doing that, Katie and Emma said they were going to tell Sally that my son threw it at her so that he would get in trouble. I’ve texted Sally and told her we needed to talk, that we found out there is more to the story. She texted back and said she wasn’t home at the moment and that Emma’s parents are “really upset.†I told her Emma’s parents were welcome to call us too. So, there we stand. I’m beyond livid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Call your neighbor and have her document what really happened. Have Lacy and her mom sign and date it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patches Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'm so sorry this happened. Glad the other child saw it... Hope it gets straightened out soon. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 After you clear up the current miss-understanding, I would never have anything to do with them. If it were me, I wouldn't even let my kids ride their bikes past their houses. I remember a kid like this when I was a kid, and they were bad news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Call your neighbor and have her document what really happened. Have Lacy and her mom sign and date it. I'm writing up something right now. Good idea to have them sign and date it. I've also taken screen shots of the facebook/text messages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'm so sorry this happened. Glad the other child saw it...Hope it gets straightened out soon. :grouphug: Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 After you clear up the current miss-understanding, I would never have anything to do with them. If it were me, I wouldn't even let my kids ride their bikes past their houses. I remember a kid like this when I was a kid, and they were bad news. We had a long talk with our boys tonight and told them they are to never talk to that family again. If the mom tries to talk to them, they are to come straight home. Unfortunately we live on a cul-de-sac, so they have to ride past their house to get off our street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This woman sounds like a bit of a user. She was nice to you as long as she was getting something from you, but her child can do no wrong, therefore she is demonizing and threatening your children DH suggested Emma is displaying sociopathic behavior and probably needs professional help. Sorry you're having to deal with this. We're fortunate; the one time we had a bullying situation in our neighborhood, the girl's parents straightened her out in a hurry once we talked with them; she has since become quite good friends with DD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Bad neighbors can make life miserable. :( :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5KidzRUs Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Document, photograph and Whatever else you need to do to protect your family. I would also NEVER allow my children alone around them. Personally, I would pull my children out of all programs that this family participated in. Your poor son hid under the house, that is so sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Document, photograph and Whatever else you need to do to protect your family. I would also NEVER allow my children alone around them. Personally, I would pull my children out of all programs that this family participated in. Your poor son hid under the house, that is so sad. This girl has the potential to ruin someone's life as she gets older. All someone needs is a "he raped me" or "he touched me" accusation. Even the rock incident, seeing as she went so far as to injure herself for verisimilitude, could lead to an assault charge against your son if someone were to take her seriously. That's why the documentation you are putting together is so important. Fortunately, your son is only 6 so I would doubt it would ever go that far but as they get older, it could get serious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This girl has the potential to ruin someone's life as she gets older. All someone needs is a "he raped me" or "he touched me" accusation. Even the rock incident, seeing as she went so far as to injure herself for verisimilitude, could lead to an assault charge against your son if someone were to take her seriously. That's why the documentation you are putting together is so important. Fortunately, your son is only 6 so I would doubt it would ever go that far but as they get older, it could get serious. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Yuck!! This is so horrid! No fun to have neighbors that make living there so uncomfortable! Sorry for you and your kids! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I wouldn't even worry too much about "clearing things up." They aren't rational people, and any discussion is likely to go downhill quickly. It's not her daugher anyway, and not her concern. If she does call you (which I kind of doubt), I would simply say that you've decided it makes sense to speak only with Emma's parents directly. And that if Emma's parents do want to address it, you will be happy to do so IN PERSON, in the office of the camp with neutral people present. Don't feed the trolls is great advice for real life as well as the internet. Getting into long discussions with the crazy people (and no witnesses) never pays off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This girl has the potential to ruin someone's life as she gets older. All someone needs is a "he raped me" or "he touched me" accusation. Even the rock incident, seeing as she went so far as to injure herself for verisimilitude, could lead to an assault charge against your son if someone were to take her seriously. That's why the documentation you are putting together is so important. Fortunately, your son is only 6 so I would doubt it would ever go that far but as they get older, it could get serious. :iagree: I would actually go so far as to involve the police because the mother threatened your son. Plus even if they did nothing with the current situation it would be on record, so that if they pulled another stunt like this there is a precedent set. :grouphug: Bad neighbors suck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5KidzRUs Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Don't feed the trolls is great advice for real life as well as the internet. Getting into long discussions with the crazy people (and no witnesses) never pays off! :iagree: Delete them from your Facebook accounts too. I would also delete or put private anyone on your Facebook who you think would allow her to see your account through theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I wouldn't even worry too much about "clearing things up." They aren't rational people, and any discussion is likely to go downhill quickly. It's not her daugher anyway, and not her concern. If she does call you (which I kind of doubt), I would simply say that you've decided it makes sense to speak only with Emma's parents directly. And that if Emma's parents do want to address it, you will be happy to do so IN PERSON, in the office of the camp with neutral people present. Don't feed the trolls is great advice for real life as well as the internet. Getting into long discussions with the crazy people (and no witnesses) never pays off! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This girl has the potential to ruin someone's life as she gets older. All someone needs is a "he raped me" or "he touched me" accusation. Even the rock incident, seeing as she went so far as to injure herself for verisimilitude, could lead to an assault charge against your son if someone were to take her seriously. That's why the documentation you are putting together is so important. Fortunately, your son is only 6 so I would doubt it would ever go that far but as they get older, it could get serious. :iagree: That is crazy. I would stay clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 I'm not even sure I would try to have a rational conversation with her. I would tell her that someone else who was there gave a very different account of what happened and you feel that it's best if the kids weren't together for a while. If she even cares enough to ask for details, tell her she needs to talk with her dd because otherwise it turns into a he-said/she-said thing. If the girl is only being verbal as your sons ride on their bikes, tell them to ignore her no matter what she says. Hopefully she won't get physical, but honestly, if she did something like throwing rocks, I'd phone the police as soon as it happened and let them go to her house. That ought to shake her up a bit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) DH suggested Emma is displaying sociopathic behavior and probably needs professional help. That's the first thing I thought of. I think Katie is deeply disturbed also. Both times Sally has yelled at and accused my boys of doing something they didn't do, Katie was the one who lied to her. Edited August 28, 2011 by Oak Knoll Mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 Document, photograph and Whatever else you need to do to protect your family. I would also NEVER allow my children alone around them. Personally, I would pull my children out of all programs that this family participated in. Your poor son hid under the house, that is so sad. Their grandparents go to our church, but we don't know them. We've told the boys that if they see anyone from that family they are supposed to come straight to us or the Children's ministry director. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 This girl has the potential to ruin someone's life as she gets older. All someone needs is a "he raped me" or "he touched me" accusation. Even the rock incident, seeing as she went so far as to injure herself for verisimilitude, could lead to an assault charge against your son if someone were to take her seriously. That's why the documentation you are putting together is so important. Fortunately, your son is only 6 so I would doubt it would ever go that far but as they get older, it could get serious. This is what scares me. Some people just don't seem to have a conscience and will say whatever they want and don't care if it hurts others. Thankfully they are renters and mom has a new boyfriend who lives about an hour away. I don't see them living here much longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 :iagree: Delete them from your Facebook accounts too. I would also delete or put private anyone on your Facebook who you think would allow her to see your account through theirs. Thanks for the advice. I've deleted and blocked her. Thankfully we don't have any mutual friends. None of the neighbors like her and her kids either, but they love us. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted August 28, 2011 Author Share Posted August 28, 2011 I would tell her that someone else who was there gave a very different account of what happened This is the plan. We plan to talk to the mom and daughter in the front yard with the neighbors watching. We're going to say that Lacy told us what they did and give Katie a chance to tell the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 :grouphug: I would be livid too! Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Your poor son. Give him extra hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Your poor kids!! It looks like you're doing everything right, Mama! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 :iagree::iagree::iagree: I'm sorry for you and your kids...They are mean, crazy and purposely stirring the pot. imo...You can expect worse and more of the same. I wouldn't even worry too much about "clearing things up." They aren't rational people, and any discussion is likely to go downhill quickly. It's not her daugher anyway, and not her concern. If she does call you (which I kind of doubt), I would simply say that you've decided it makes sense to speak only with Emma's parents directly. And that if Emma's parents do want to address it, you will be happy to do so IN PERSON, in the office of the camp with neutral people present. Don't feed the trolls is great advice for real life as well as the internet. Getting into long discussions with the crazy people (and no witnesses) never pays off! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5KidzRUs Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Also, it might help to tell your children not to let it perpetuate by feeding into the 'he-said-she-said'. We have a funny scenario we played with our children when they were younger - it was to help them deal with adults that try to (deceptively) ply information out of them: Adult: "So, what does your mom/dad think/say/do about _______ ?" Child: "I don't know. Ask my mom/dad" Adult: ... persists in their questioning ... Child "WAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" OK, so the last two lines were the funny part and they never had to resort to that :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This is the plan. We plan to talk to the mom and daughter in the front yard with the neighbors watching. We're going to say that Lacy told us what they did and give Katie a chance to tell the truth. You might pray hard about this. My worry is that if Katie and Emma are as disturbed as they seem, you are now painting a big red bull's eye on the back of Lacy for having come forward. Since you are going to have no contact with that family in the future anyway, I would just tell the mother that you have signed documentation from an independent witness that your son was not at fault. (Even telling her this might be overkill if she's the type to make threats but never follow through.) If she follows through on her threat to make trouble for your son, you will be giving the police all documentation and will be filing a restraining order against her and her daughter. Then I would behave as if there is already a restraining order in place - i.e. being scrupulous about avoiding them at all costs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This girl has the potential to ruin someone's life as she gets older. All someone needs is a "he raped me" or "he touched me" accusation. Even the rock incident, seeing as she went so far as to injure herself for verisimilitude, could lead to an assault charge against your son if someone were to take her seriously. That's why the documentation you are putting together is so important. Fortunately, your son is only 6 so I would doubt it would ever go that far but as they get older, it could get serious. Yes! This! That gal & her child both sound unstable. I'd stay so far away from them. Crazy-alert!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Nothing to add to the previous posters - but what an awful situation! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 You might pray hard about this. My worry is that if Katie and Emma are as disturbed as they seem, you are now painting a big red bull's eye on the back of Lacy for having come forward. Since you are going to have no contact with that family in the future anyway, I would just tell the mother that you have signed documentation from an independent witness that your son was not at fault. (Even telling her this might be overkill if she's the type to make threats but never follow through.) If she follows through on her threat to make trouble for your son, you will be giving the police all documentation and will be filing a restraining order against her and her daughter. Then I would behave as if there is already a restraining order in place - i.e. being scrupulous about avoiding them at all costs. Yes! Yes! Yes! I would NOT plan any meetings with that woman at all-ever. IMO just write a letter and certified mail it to her with what this poster has said. That way you know she got the info and you don't need to see her. I'd be sure to make it very clear that you no longer want any contact whatsoever with them and they are not to approach your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 We had a long talk with our boys tonight and told them they are to never talk to that family again. If the mom tries to talk to them, they are to come straight home. Unfortunately we live on a cul-de-sac, so they have to ride past their house to get off our street. Is there anyway you can escort them past that house and meet them at a designated area and time when they are ready to come home? I would not want them unsupervised near these kids at all.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smillard00 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 Be careful to not get Lacy in trouble with them. They could take it out on her and hurt her and she will learn not to get involved in something like this in the future. So protect her if you can. I think you're going to have to be careful to make sure you are there to watch any potential future encounters with them. We had a terrible problem some years ago. My son was 9 or 10 years old and there was this big group of little boys aged 4-6 who were always playing with light sabers and swords. They ran around looking for enemies and battles. When they would see my son outside, they would all come after him and chase him down hitting him with their swords and sabers. They were actually hurting him, but he didn't want to turn around and fight back because he was bigger than they were and he knew he would be labeled the bully in the situation. However, sometimes he had to do something to defend himself. A mother of a couple of those kids used to corner my son and tear into him for hurting her little boy yada yada yada. It made me so mad! She was only getting half of the story from her 5 year old and my son had all of the bruises. I had to tell my son to run in the house when he saw them coming or I had to be outside to observe when he played outside. It was very unfortunate because he felt very restricted and it was a result of her not being willing to supervise or discipline her children. Your guys might need you out there watching out for them when they're outside since this other family and their guests can't be trusted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 After you clear up the current miss-understanding, I would never have anything to do with them. If it were me, I wouldn't even let my kids ride their bikes past their houses. I remember a kid like this when I was a kid, and they were bad news. :iagree: I know moms like this too who seem to refuse to see their kid's part in a situation. It becomes insanity to deal with them. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodhaven Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 How awful! I hope these people move away sometime soon. Otherwise I expect they will continue to find ways to make trouble in the future. I've known people like that and they are just not rational. People like that are likely to hold a big grudge against you even though they started and continue the trouble. They do it just for fun to see what they can get away with and take pleasure in causing pain. I know from personal experience with several people I was unfortunate enough to meet when I was a teen. The trouble didn't stop until I completely avoided them, and moved away. So sorry you are dealing with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 This is the plan. We plan to talk to the mom and daughter in the front yard with the neighbors watching. We're going to say that Lacy told us what they did and give Katie a chance to tell the truth. Hmm. I think I agree with the others to not put Lacy in that position. You see how it's turning out with your son. If you pull your son away from their drama, they might turn and focus on Lacy. Maybe you shouldn't say anything at all other than since the kids seem to have issues every time they are together, it's better if they just take a break from being so near one another. She doesn't need a specific reason really. I would just repeat the same thing over and over. "We all see there are issues with our 2 children. They should take a break. We have to go now, I have an errand to run. Take care." And then leave or hang up the phone, whichever way you choose to talk with her. I think the 'yard thing' is not appropriate unless you believe that this mom will back down in front of others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted August 28, 2011 Share Posted August 28, 2011 :iagree: I know moms like this too who seem to refuse to see their kid's part in a situation. It becomes insanity to deal with them. Alley No lie. How awful! I hope these people move away sometime soon. Otherwise I expect they will continue to find ways to make trouble in the future. I've known people like that and they are just not rational. People like that are likely to hold a big grudge against you even though they started and continue the trouble. They do it just for fun to see what they can get away with and take pleasure in causing pain. I know from personal experience with several people I was unfortunate enough to meet when I was a teen. The trouble didn't stop until I completely avoided them, and moved away. So sorry you are dealing with this. In my experience, this isn't the case. They don't put that much thought into it. There is simply something about them that makes them think they have to "defend" themselves against the world, that they are innocent victims of everyone who has ever crossed their paths. It's crazy and difficult to deal with, particularly once they've labeled you as "enemy", but I don't think there is a plan to cause trouble, just a view of the world that makes them constantly lash out. With that in mind, I would totally protect Lacy's identity. Once she's labeled as "enemy" there is really no telling what lengths they'll go to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Thought I'd post an update: We eventually talked to the mom involved and she somewhat apologized for the way she handled things. She believed our version of what really happened, but didn't seem surprised or upset at her daughter's role in the whole thing. We said that threatening to call the police on a six-year old boy was unacceptable. We told her to please talk to us if she had a problem with one of our boys and to never talk directly with any of them again. We've told our boys to not play with them. We told them to not be mean, but just stay away if they are playing in their yard. The other kids on the street are staying away from that family also because they really showed their true colors in this whole situation. Her kids don't play outside a whole lot, so it's been easier to avoid them than I thought it would be. Halloween was a bit tricky as we have a huge block party. They attended, we attended, but we kept clear of her. Thanks for all of your concern! I know some people advised us not to talk to her, but my DH is one of those wise and tactful people who is really good at telling people what they need to hear without them getting mad at him. *I* wouldn't have talked to her alone because I don't have that gift! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oak Knoll Mom Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Update here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueinNC Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Thought I'd post an update: ...but my DH is one of those wise and tactful people who is really good at telling people what they need to hear without them getting mad at him. *I* wouldn't have talked to her alone because I don't have that gift! Wish I had that gift! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Update here. Sounds like you and dh handled it well. Unfortunately it's probably best to steer clear of them for the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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