Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 1. It's illegal in most cases to rent anything smaller than 3 bedrooms to a family of 6. 2. To pass a credit check, you have to make a min of 3x the monthly rent of a place. Never mind the fact that dh's current job pays $20/day, let's assume we could base our income on his work in TX or that he could get something piddly for the time being. We still wouldn't qualify for anything more expensive than a 1bed. 3. I know you all have mentioned gov't/charity: there is nothing avail. I REALLY prefer not to discuss this kind of thing on the boards, so I won't go into further detail. 4. I said earlier that we were going to give it another day or two, but I couldn't handle going back to mom's tonight. When I called her back finally, I was glad we didn't go: she remembers virtually nothing of what she said, & she's pretty mad that we left. She alternatively yelled at me & cried, after which I finally came undone. Really, there's no good reason for not being in labor right now. But I digress. 5. Dh does NOT want to go back to TX, for all the reasons that you guys have mentioned: we know what's there. No job, no air, no good place to live. I don't disagree w/ this, I just don't know what else to do. 6. IF we can't go back to TX & can't rent a place here legally, is there any option other than staying w/ mom? If you see one, stop reading now, & tell me! Assuming #6, we've come up w/ the following plan, but I'd like your opinions: 1. Bathroom must be finished. 2. Doors. On the bathroom &/or our bedroom. 3. Bunk beds so the kids can be moved to our room *immediately.* 4. Finish the floor in the living room. At this point, there would be virtually no need to go to the mid-level & NO need to go to the upstairs. We're in an extended-stay hotel for the week, so we could go do the work & come home to beds/toilet/internet for dh's school. Mom has signed us up for family counseling to figure out why *I* can't understand what she says, but it doesn't begin until after she sees the psych, which will be in a little more than a week. I can't decide if I'm over or under reacting to her craziness. Is living there the only option? Is it insane to consider? Is it rash to leave? I'm at the point where I literally don't know. I just need it to stop. My BOOKS are in boxes, for pete's sake! One doesn't plan for that to last this long. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Aubrey, I know you're right about how most apt complexes determine eligibility for renting. However, sometimes an apt or landlord will rent to a tenant, despite not meeting the credit/ income requirements, if the person is able to pay several months' rent up front. I know that may seem like an equally implausible option, but I wanted to put that out there as a possibility. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Aubrey, please know that I am praying for you and your family. I have been in a very similar situation, except that we only had two little ones and another on the way. I can't imagine being back in that situation, where it feels like every door is slamming in your face as you try to secure basic needs. I just keep thinking that there HAS to be something that hasn't been mentioned that can help put you all in a house or apartment. I'm amazed at your ability to keep it together through all of this, yet I know from experience that you have no other choice, or else it will be much, much worse. I hope your mom gets the help she needs, that your dh gets a job offer soon, and that you find your family in a much more stable situation. Prayers are being sent now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Aubrey, I wish I knew what to say :confused:. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers a lot, lot, lot. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I feel for you in your situation, I am not trying to minimise your situation, just trying to think out of the box. How about camping? You could leave all furniture at your mothers, and camp in a tent? I lived for one year in a dilapidated pop up caravan (with canvas sides. we stuffer paper into all the holes to keep the mossies out). I lived in a cottage with very small children with no electricity for a year. and I lived in a tent for a while with a few children. I remember one time, when my husband was working on building a kitchen ( and please bear in mind my husband works on his own time schedule and thinks any job rushed is not worth doing). I had NO kitchen for about 5 months. We don't eat out. I was cooking on an open fire outside (I hate camping). Anyway the point of my ramblings was I was pretty grumpy about the whole thing. A very old lady told me I would enjoy it a lot more if I improved my attitude and made a game of it all for the kids. She was right. I made a pretense for the children that it was all a game and fun. The kids started to view the whole situation of burned food etc with more of a positive attitude, and the whole family atmosphere improved. I actually felt better about the situation, sort of a Pollyanna thing. I have always been grateful for that old lady's advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love_to_Read Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Was MIL's house an option, or was she back in the same part of TX? Does dh get financial aid for his school? Can he go full time and take out enough loans/grants to pay for room and board? That would be upfront and bypass the credit check issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love_to_Read Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Out of the box... How about jobs that come with living quarters? Storage unit managers, apartment complex managers, campus resident assistants... What happened to seminary? Dh still called to that, or no? If he is, I'd be looking frantically for churches as they *might* have a parsonage or be able to put you up in the basement or something, anything. Trailer courts? Maybe if you found a really run down trailer court, they might have something cheap enough. Maybe out of town slightly? I don't know you well, being relatively new to these boards myself, but I'm sorry you're going through this, esp. so close to labor. The contingency plan sounds reasonable, at least as good as it's going to get for living with mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I feel for you in your situation, I am not trying to minimise your situation, just trying to think out of the box.How about camping? You could leave all furniture at your mothers, and camp in a tent? I lived for one year in a dilapidated pop up caravan (with canvas sides. we stuffer paper into all the holes to keep the mossies out). I lived in a cottage with very small children with no electricity for a year. and I lived in a tent for a while with a few children. We also lived in a camper a little over 2 years ago. Our neighbors at the time also stayed in a campground, but in a tent. I'm starting to think this is kinda common. :glare: We also went to a campground and rented a trailer at the campground (sheesh, this is embarrassing) and lived there for about a month. All while homeschooling! :D We had put all of our stuff in storage - in case you can't leave it at someone's house. Is there anyone else you guys can stay with? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Have you tried to find any houses or rooms to rent? A one unit landlord probably isn't as strict regarding occupancy rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Is your mom home during the day? Do you get any long breaks from her? Could you call some churches (HEY - Denver area WTM call some churches for her) and see about space during the day? Maybe they would let you come and use the nursery space during the day. You could leave the house and head over there just to escape the house... I am trying to think outside the box. Can you put a door on the steps leading down to your level - with a lock? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 How is the housing market there? If houses are taking a long time to sell, it's very possible that there are some sitting empty and the owner would prefer to have someone living there. I've heard of people "renting" these homes for very, very little as it gives the owner peace of mind that it's being cared for and not subject to vandals, etc.. Realtors might be a good start, or even just making note of houses which are for sale, but don't look cared for and finding the owners info in town records. If there is a trailer park or mobile home park, there may be units available very cheap. It would definitely be crowded, but it would be your own space. I think calling churches is a great idea - maybe they even know someone in their community who could help with temporary housing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Regarding camping, remember this is Colorado we're talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Not sure if this would work, but the idea from a previous poster is a good one... https://publicstorage.taleo.net/careersection/2/jobdetail.ftl?lang=en&job=231443&src=JB-202 Retail Sales - Colorado Springs, CO - (On-Site Resident Property Manager)-111170 Description If you are looking to work for a company that is stable, an industry leader, with 2100 locations throughout the United States, then Public Storage is it! With an exciting customer-centric focus, Public Storage provides a full range of storage solutions to its customers. Public Storage is the largest self storage company in the United States. By joining our team of talented storage experts, you become an integral part of our dynamic customer-focused sales environment. Keep reading to learn how you can make the most of your past experiences and achieve new career heights with Public Storage. As the On-Site Resident Property Manager, you will be provided with an apartment which is attached to the property that you will be managing. Along with the apartment, all electric, gas and water utilities will be provided and paid for as well. While in training, you will earn $9.00 per hour. Once you are allowed to move into the on-site apartment, your total compensation package will change to $7.50 per hour plus bonus potential, use of the apartment and the basic utilities. JOB DESCRIPTION If you enjoy customer service and sales and wish to leave behind long commutes and evening hours, then an On-Site Resident Property Manager position is for you. Provide outstanding customer service by helping customers understand their needs, recommend storage solutions and help them acquire the needed product solutions Assist reservation and walk-in customers (both in person and on the phone) in renting storage units, understanding the lease terms, fees and insurance and completing lease agreements Consult, sell, and up sell to customers merchandise such as boxes, tape and other appropriate products that meet their needs Ensure the appearance of the property is customer ready by cleaning units, sweeping, mopping, removing debris, wiping windows, etc...; ultimately ensure property appearance is safe and welcoming Work in one or more locations, independently or with an other manager Manage, verify, balance cash drawer; prepare and make daily deposits Conduct a daily physical storage unit inspection confirming inventory availability and ensuring each unit is secure or ready to rent. Work closely with District Manager to receive training and coaching when needed, striving to exceed all company expectations BENEFITS On-site paid company housing at many locations if/when available Up to 3 Weeks of Paid Time Off (including 7 Floating Holidays) Medical/Dental/Vision, Life Insurance, STD and LTD 401(k) With Matching Contributions 15 days of Fully Paid and Comprehensive New Manager Training Qualifications Successful candidates come from a variety of customer-centered, selling environments including retail, restaurant, fast food and more. All have common knowledge, skills and abilities which include: Minimum one year of Customer Service and/or Sales experience Energetic, outgoing, customer oriented personality Strong communication, interpersonal and problem resolution skills Enjoys and easily operates independently or as part of a small team Detail oriented with strong organizational and time management skills Some knowledge of computers in a windows environment Valid driver's license with access to reliable transportation used during the work day Willingness to work in multiple locations Can work any day of the week from 9:30am to 6pm any day of the week, possibly including weekends and holidays Ability and willingness to perform light cleaning and maintenance such as sweeping, mopping, wiping windows, etc… High school diploma or equivalent certification such as a GED Willing to submit to a pre-employment background check and drug test Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyB Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Aubrey, I so feel for your situation. BTDT. :grouphug: I to have camped for a couple of months with everything in storage when housing fell through and there was no income to move into something right away. My family and I looked into low income apartments that are based off of your income. These are NOT govt. housing. I had never heard of these before or knew how they looked until I started to look at how in the world we could afford rent and full time school off of what my husband makes. How the apartments worked up in Casper, WY was the apt. complex got huge tax benefits if they agreed to rent to low income for 5 years. Rent was fixed at like 675 for a 3 bedroom, they didn't care how many people you had in the apt ( I have 6 children). There was paper work to fill out but you just couldn't make more than what the top income to be considered eligible. Here are just a few links that I found while googling in Denver. I don't know anything about Denver but this might give you other ideas and options. https://www.mercyhousing.org/Page.aspx?pid=540 http://denver.apartmenthomeliving.com/apartments-for-rent/low_income http://www.lowincomeapartmentfinder.com/apartments/CO/Denver/ I second calling the churches. All of them. You never know who might have a rental available. When we moved to saint louis for work our church (LDS) helped us pay for a hotel until we could find housing and then the house we could afford to rent wouldn;t be ready for about a month and so a sweet lady who was living in a 6 bedroom house all by herself let my family stay with her until the house was ready. I would call all the LDS churches they are separate in that the Bishops would know what resources they had in their ward but not necessarily other wards. They have also helped us in the past with rent when unemployment struck. You do not have to be a member to receive help. They can help with food, diapers and household necessities. I am sure that other churches have the same kind of support system. I know a friend of mine that went to the housing authority who had been living with her mother and told them that her mother kicked her out adn that she had nowhere else to live. Miraculously she was moved to the top of the list and was in a house within a week. I was on the same waiting list for 2 years. It can happen to move up the list. Sorry that this got long. I personally think that you are a SAINT :angelsad2:for how you have dealt with this whole situation with wit and grace. I went through a similar situation with my mother a year and a half ago and she is still not speaking to me. But my family is so much better off now that we left. Of course we moved in with my in-laws who are amazing but it sucks to live with other people. So... :grouphug: and prayers on your behalf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollie010 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) We worked at a christian camp that provided housing. My husband was in food service, but there were a lot of different positions (housekeeping, grounds, maintenence, laundry) and it was a wonderful experience. I imagine there would be many camps, retreats, and conference centers in that area, both christian and secular. With Fall coming up it might even be their busy time of year. Just a thought. Praying for you. ETA: One more thought. We are in a denomination that has a county associational office. This would be a good place to call as they often have missionary housing that is not fully occupied that they may be willing to let you live in in exchange for doing a little work around the churches. It would totally be a God thing if that worked out, but I have seen our associational office do things like that many times. If you would like to talk more about it, pm me. Edited August 16, 2011 by Laurel T. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I feel for you in your situation, I am not trying to minimise your situation, just trying to think out of the box.How about camping? You could leave all furniture at your mothers, and camp in a tent? . I was just going to suggest camping. I know you are pregnant so it may not be the most comfortable, but it may be the most economical while getting your mom's fixed up or saving for an affordable rental. Is there a nearby state park? Our local state park is $12 a night for camping I believe......Praying for you:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jzsnow Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 So I've not been following your story from the beginning so what I am going to suggest might not be possible at all! Do you have any money at all? We were in a bad spot a few years ago and had 18k, no job, 4 kids, and moved 5 hours to hope for a better job. We had the 18k because we sold a mobile home we had been given and fixed up. We bought a single wide trailer for 18k cash, and my husband went to a temp agency for work. Paid about $10 an hour, but in 3 years he's moved up a lot and we are breathing again. I'm in Alabama and it's a fairly cheap state. But, I know that you could find a single wide trailer for sale for about $8-10k. Some people in my area are so desperate to sell their trailer that they will do an owner financed thing. Any way possible for you to buy a mobile home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I'm not sure why govt./charity is not an option and you certainly don't have to discuss it. I wanted to let you know that I have lived in subsidized housing before and I was bumpted to the very top of the list and placed immediately when I applied despite the long waiting list. It can happen. You are a very pregnant woman with four children in a desperate situation. If you haven't walked in with those children yet and begged for help it may be worth a shot. What have you got to lose at this point, you know? :grouphug: Have you visited any local churches and spoken to the pastors about your situation? I do think that you are very likely to find some help that way -- either a family willing to take you in temporarily or an older couple that is able to rent some space to you. These types of 'landlords' are likely to be more flexible with regards to the number of bedrooms and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I think the camping could be a good idea. I know someone mentioned Colorado - I assume that means that camping in winter wouldn't be a good thing? If you can find a cheap, used trailer that would probably make it more bearable. I thought I'd give you an idea for what people do around here. I don't know if there's a compatible situation around there. Down in South Jersey there are a lot of people who live in campgrounds for the season - which runs from March/April to October/November. Some are in tents, some are in pop-ups and we saw one guy who lives in the back of his pick-up truck. During the winter, they rent cheap in one of the shore communities - off season rentals are extremely cheap. A lot of these people work at the casinos in Atlantic City. I know Colorado doesn't have a shore but are there any towns that are tourist towns in the summer but clear out in the winter? They may offer cheap rentals once the season is over and if you can camp until then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 I feel for you in your situation, I am not trying to minimise your situation, just trying to think out of the box.How about camping? You could leave all furniture at your mothers, and camp in a tent? I lived for one year in a dilapidated pop up caravan (with canvas sides. we stuffer paper into all the holes to keep the mossies out). I lived in a cottage with very small children with no electricity for a year. and I lived in a tent for a while with a few children. Last night, when we found ourselves accidentally on Dam Road & enjoying saying it too much & kind-of slap-happy, I suggested this to dh. He said I wouldn't like it, but logically: I'm about to have a baby, & this is CO. I hear it snows & stuff. I'm thinking it's probably not practical. I remember one time, when my husband was working on building a kitchen ( and please bear in mind my husband works on his own time schedule and thinks any job rushed is not worth doing). I had NO kitchen for about 5 months. We don't eat out. I was cooking on an open fire outside (I hate camping). Anyway the point of my ramblings was I was pretty grumpy about the whole thing. A very old lady told me I would enjoy it a lot more if I improved my attitude and made a game of it all for the kids. She was right. I made a pretense for the children that it was all a game and fun. The kids started to view the whole situation of burned food etc with more of a positive attitude, and the whole family atmosphere improved. I actually felt better about the situation, sort of a Pollyanna thing. I have always been grateful for that old lady's advice. I wrote an article about this very thing for an online magazine, but I can't figure out when it's coming out. It's very funny. ;) Mostly, I get what you're saying. I keep helping the kids look at this like a vacation instead of a move. At least THEY are buying it. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Was MIL's house an option, or was she back in the same part of TX? She's in TX. Does dh get financial aid for his school? Can he go full time and take out enough loans/grants to pay for room and board? That would be upfront and bypass the credit check issue. No; grad school aid is different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Is your mom home during the day? Do you get any long breaks from her? Could you call some churches (HEY - Denver area WTM call some churches for her) and see about space during the day? Maybe they would let you come and use the nursery space during the day. You could leave the house and head over there just to escape the house... I am trying to think outside the box. Can you put a door on the steps leading down to your level - with a lock? Mom works during the day. Long-ish hours. She's offered to work longer ones until her psych appt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Did your dh's job not work out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 I'm not sure why govt./charity is not an option and you certainly don't have to discuss it. I wanted to let you know that I have lived in subsidized housing before and I was bumpted to the very top of the list and placed immediately when I applied despite the long waiting list. It can happen. You are a very pregnant woman with four children in a desperate situation. If you haven't walked in with those children yet and begged for help it may be worth a shot. What have you got to lose at this point, you know? :grouphug: Basically, it's a lottery system that doesn't even open up until 9/22. If we're staying no matter what, maybe that would be helpful, I don't know. But I've been looking at it like this: we can do a week, after that it's back to TX, back to mom's, or running out of $ to even HAVE a choice. Have you visited any local churches and spoken to the pastors about your situation? I do think that you are very likely to find some help that way -- either a family willing to take you in temporarily or an older couple that is able to rent some space to you. These types of 'landlords' are likely to be more flexible with regards to the number of bedrooms and such. Yes. We were offered a bag of groceries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Did your dh's job not work out? http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=301503 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 :grouphug: I think your only option other than a homeless shelter (not a great option but it does exist) is living with your mom with the goal of saving up enough money/dh getting a better paying job/you having the baby and then getting back on your feet and moving out. I don't see any other options. Perhaps if you set a goal of six months to accomplish these things and then move out it would help you endure in the meantime. I don't know if that is realistic, but goals help me endure the "meantime" stuff. Also, when the time comes, I would be looking at renting a small house from an individual with a rental property. It might be older, small, etc, but it would be your own space. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peachskittles Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Alright, I'm not sure the county you are in but the place I lived before here was income based so we paid nothing for it for the first 6 months. It was government based housing and we had to pass a background check and I *think* pay a $100 deposit. Obviously, every state will be different. http://rdmfhrentals.sc.egov.usda.gov/RDMFHRentals/select_county.jsp?st=CO&state_name=Colorado&st_cd=08 Maybe there is a place near you like that? I looked at my state to make sure that the place I lived at was on there before and it is, so maybe this will help. Or maybe not. But hopefully it does. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I wonder, would you be willing to move somewhere else if someone had a house for you? I also know that churches sometimes have missionary houses. They may be willing to let you live in something like that if it is available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) :grouphug: I think your only option other than a homeless shelter (not a great option but it does exist) is living with your mom with the goal of saving up enough money/dh getting a better paying job/you having the baby and then getting back on your feet and moving out. I don't see any other options. Perhaps if you set a goal of six months to accomplish these things and then move out it would help you endure in the meantime. I don't know if that is realistic, but goals help me endure the "meantime" stuff. Also, when the time comes, I would be looking at renting a small house from an individual with a rental property. It might be older, small, etc, but it would be your own space. :grouphug: Are you saying that a shelter is a good idea? We rented an older house in FW; I don't know why we wouldn't consider that here. But that's another thing--technically, we'll still have to pay Sept rent on the FW house. :svengo: ETA: The thing about staying w/ mom...it's easy to forget what she does when she's having a good day. It's easy to buy her version of what happened at least enough to be confused about it, question myself, feel guilty. My point is that I"m not exactly dreading it. With mom, there's not nuclear & post-nuclear, as dh calls it: there's only the present. If she's not nuclear, it offends her that you think she might be that way. Because she's not that kind of person & would never be that way. So you take her as she is, a day at a time. Edited August 16, 2011 by Aubrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=301503 Oh, I see. Have you checked USAJobs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Praying something works out for you soon :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Your plan looks very sound and sane for your situation. You would not like camping as pregnant as you are. It is no fun getting up off of hard ground in the middle of the night and trudging down a trail through the dark. Also in CO, campgrounds only allow you to stay two weeks at a time and most do not have internet so it wouldn't help your dh's class. :grouphug: Did the neighbor ever start speaking to you again? Or have you scared her away for good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Alright, I'm not sure the county you are in but the place I lived before here was income based so we paid nothing for it for the first 6 months. It was government based housing and we had to pass a background check and I *think* pay a $100 deposit. Obviously, every state will be different. http://rdmfhrentals.sc.egov.usda.gov/RDMFHRentals/select_county.jsp?st=CO&state_name=Colorado&st_cd=08 Maybe there is a place near you like that? I looked at my state to make sure that the place I lived at was on there before and it is, so maybe this will help. Or maybe not. But hopefully it does. :001_smile: That's what we spent the bulk of yesterday looking at. They're full w/ waiting lists. Dh put our name on some, but we're talking LONG waiting lists. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Are you saying that a shelter is a good idea? We rented an older house in FW; I don't know why we wouldn't consider that here. But that's another thing--technically, we'll still have to pay Sept rent on the FW house. :svengo: ETA: The thing about staying w/ mom...it's easy to forget what she does when she's having a good day. It's easy to buy her version of what happened at least enough to be confused about it, question myself, feel guilty. My point is that I"m not exactly dreading it. With mom, there's not nuclear & post-nuclear, as dh calls it: there's only the present. If she's not nuclear, it offends her that you think she might be that way. Because she's not that kind of person & would never be that way. So you take her as she is, a day at a time. A homeless shelter would only be a good idea if things at your mom's were a worse option, I think. When looking at options, I like to look at all of the options (outside the box), not just the best ones. That can help you make a decision you feel better about in less than idea circumstances. I don't know how bad things "feel" at your mom's house so only you can make that call. I recall some friends in TX who looked into a program which provided "apartment ministry" to apartment complexes. In exchange for an apartment, people agreed to work I think 20 hours a week doing outreach/holding Bible studies, etc. I don't know the name of the program, but I will try to google it. It is an outside the box type of option, and it is one I would consider in your shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Your plan looks very sound and sane for your situation. You would not like camping as pregnant as you are. It is no fun getting up off of hard ground in the middle of the night and trudging down a trail through the dark. Also in CO, campgrounds only allow you to stay two weeks at a time and most do not have internet so it wouldn't help your dh's class. :grouphug: Did the neighbor ever start speaking to you again? Or have you scared her away for good? The neighbor: she was in the front yard w/ a friend one day last week. When we came out, they came over. Very friendly. But her friend was...fill in a non-offensive (to you) hs stereotype w/ 8 kids. You smile your polite smile while your ears ring, & eventually she leaves. Neighbor turns to me & says, "See? Isn't it good to know there's someone in Denver like YOU?" :svengo: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 A homeless shelter would only be a good idea if things at your mom's were a worse option, I think. When looking at options, I like to look at all of the options (outside the box), not just the best ones. That can help you make a decision you feel better about in less than idea circumstances. I don't know how bad things "feel" at your mom's house so only you can make that call. I recall some friends in TX who looked into a program which provided "apartment ministry" to apartment complexes. In exchange for an apartment, people agreed to work I think 20 hours a week doing outreach/holding Bible studies, etc. I don't know the name of the program, but I will try to google it. It is an outside the box type of option, and it is one I would consider in your shoes. We had friends & a cousin who did this, & we applied, but we had too many kids. That was about 3-4 years ago when we only had 3-4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caayenne Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Maybe an apartment complex in Colorado might be hiring a leasing agent or a property manager? My DH worked as an assistant property manager at an apartment complex in Arlington when he was putting himself through school. It didn't pay very well, but he got very cheap rent, plus he automatically qualified because he had to live on property to get the job. My other idea is that maybe you and the kids could live with your DH's parents for a few months while your DH stays in Colorado, either in your mom's basement, or in some sort of temporary, single-occupancy housing (ie. rent a room in a house, maybe some sort-of hostel, possibly something through someone at a church, etc.). That way, you guys could live as close to expense-free as possible, your DH could keep looking for work, and hopefully he would find something soon and y'all could move back to him. If he didn't find anything within a couple months, he could come back to TX when the air quality improves more (hopefully soon!). I know that living with your in-laws is unappealing, but it sounds like it would be a much safer and saner environment for you and the kids. It might allow your DH to quit the courier job completely and just wait tables or something, while finishing his classes and looking for a job. But he wouldn't have to spend time fixing your mom's house and he wouldn't be spending hours a day waiting to make $20 :glare:. I don't know what I would do in your situation, because living apart from my DH would probably make me a basket-case, but I think I would consider it for the short-term if it meant a possible end to the long-term stress. I don't know if I could live with my in-laws happily for very long, either, because MIL is very interfering and managing, but I think I could do it for a few months (maybe :tongue_smilie:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 The neighbor: she was in the front yard w/ a friend one day last week. When we came out, they came over. Very friendly. But her friend was...fill in a non-offensive (to you) hs stereotype w/ 8 kids. You smile your polite smile while your ears ring, & eventually she leaves. Neighbor turns to me & says, "See? Isn't it good to know there's someone in Denver like YOU?" :svengo: :lol: Okay. So at least you know neighbor isn't still mad at you/scared of you, and she isn't perfect either. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Maybe an apartment complex in Colorado might be hiring a leasing agent or a property manager? My DH worked as an assistant property manager at an apartment complex in Arlington when he was putting himself through school. It didn't pay very well, but he got very cheap rent, plus he automatically qualified because he had to live on property to get the job. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't hire a guy w/ 4.5 kids for that job. And in this economy, I'd think they'd have a choice, kwim? My other idea is that maybe you and the kids could live with your DH's parents for a few months while your DH stays in Colorado, either in your mom's basement, or in some sort of temporary, single-occupancy housing (ie. rent a room in a house, maybe some sort-of hostel, possibly something through someone at a church, etc.). That way, you guys could live as close to expense-free as possible, your DH could keep looking for work, and hopefully he would find something soon and y'all could move back to him. If he didn't find anything within a couple months, he could come back to TX when the air quality improves more (hopefully soon!). I know that living with your in-laws is unappealing, but it sounds like it would be a much safer and saner environment for you and the kids. It might allow your DH to quit the courier job completely and just wait tables or something, while finishing his classes and looking for a job. But he wouldn't have to spend time fixing your mom's house and he wouldn't be spending hours a day waiting to make $20 :glare:. I suggested this last night. He didn't go for it. I'm glad, really. I feel like our marriage has enough coming at it right now w/out splitting up. And I can't imagine having a baby w/out him. I don't know what I would do in your situation, because living apart from my DH would probably make me a basket-case, but I think I would consider it for the short-term if it meant a possible end to the long-term stress. I don't know if I could live with my in-laws happily for very long, either, because MIL is very interfering and managing, but I think I could do it for a few months (maybe :tongue_smilie:). My mil makes me crazy sometimes, but I love her. I have no problem staying w/ her, even w/out dh--except that I'd miss HIM. Honestly, I sat in the hallway last night crying that all I wanted was mil. To ask obnoxious questions, give silly pat answers, & CARE. It KILLS me that I'm hurting my mom right now, but she can't understand at all. She said, "Well, if you want to be somewhere else & you can afford it, that's your call." :glare: If she had any idea what we're going through, it would really break her heart. UGH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caayenne Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 My mil makes me crazy sometimes, but I love her. I have no problem staying w/ her, even w/out dh--except that I'd miss HIM. Honestly, I sat in the hallway last night crying that all I wanted was mil. To ask obnoxious questions, give silly pat answers, & CARE. It KILLS me that I'm hurting my mom right now, but she can't understand at all. She said, "Well, if you want to be somewhere else & you can afford it, that's your call." :glare: If she had any idea what we're going through, it would really break her heart. UGH! I completely understand how you feel about not living with DH. I'm not kidding when I say I'd be a basket-case without mine; I feel lost if he has to go out of town for a night. I almost didn't even suggest it, and I agree that it would be very stressful on any marriage. As another poster said, I don't know what it's like living with your mom. I just know that it sounds toxic, and....I don't know. Anyway, could your husband maybe wait tables or deliver pizzas or anything more reliable for money while he finishes the classes? And do you have to pay your mom rent right now, or can you save anything he earns? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caayenne Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Also, I know you're worried about hurting your mom, but you just can't add that stress to your plate right now. Your family has to come first in every way. When your mom does finally admit that she needs help and gets a diagnosis and rx, she'll realize what a mess she made of things and make amends. You are not doing anything wrong to look out for your kids' happiness over your mom's! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Can your ILs help you out -- lend the money, so you could pay a few months of rent up front and hopefully bypass the credit/income requirements, or co-sign a rental application or something? :grouphug: -- praying for a solution for your family soon. This certainly is a fire you're walking through right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 As each option doesn't seem to be better than what you have currently, I'd be working as fast as possible to get the basement livable for your family. Your mom said she wanted to hire someone to fix it up before you got there, so I'd ask her if that help would still be available. If your husband and you work with someone you hire, it should go quickly and you can just settle in as best you can. Then after you're settled and back to schooling, make a plan for moving onto something better within a year or so. It's not ideal, but it is affordable and certainly better than a homeless shelter, a tent ... Honestly I can't see any benefit whatsoever in your moving back to TX where your husband can't breathe. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I completely understand how you feel about not living with DH. I'm not kidding when I say I'd be a basket-case without mine; I feel lost if he has to go out of town for a night. I almost didn't even suggest it, and I agree that it would be very stressful on any marriage. As another poster said, I don't know what it's like living with your mom. I just know that it sounds toxic, and....I don't know. Anyway, could your husband maybe wait tables or deliver pizzas or anything more reliable for money while he finishes the classes? And do you have to pay your mom rent right now, or can you save anything he earns? Our area is constantly looking for someone in these positions. The pay may not be great, but at least he isn't waiting for nothing. Heck, Waffle House is open 24 hours... Most grocery stores and Walmart are regularly looking for night time stockers. I know he has all kinds of reasons for staying this job, and that things are miserable. Looking in, I see him as depressed and unwilling to consider anything else. BTDT with my dh. I finally told him that if he didn't show me concrete evidence that he was trying to find a better job despite it all, I would leave him until he did or until I found a job. I am not for divorce, but there is a time to put those boots on and get going. I know he wants to finish school and is very close to doing that. However, allowing his wife and kids to go thru hell is not an appropriate option either. He can enterprise - get a lawn mover and knock on doors, or beyond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 about your mom and the psychiatriast/therapist appt, are you going with her? I'd really feel sorry for you if you had to tell the dr. the ENTIRE truth about your mother in front of her. She will be HORRIFIC to deal with after that. If you're not going with her, you really need to call the dr. ahead of time to tell him everything you're seeing/experiencing. NOBODY will really understand without your input, and mentally ill people regularly lie and don't get accurate diagnoses because of it. It sounds like this would be your mother. Clearly she's in denial. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I don't know what to say about your situation, only that it's so hard to even imagine. I hope and pray that this nightmare is over soon for you all.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 about your mom and the psychiatriast/therapist appt, are you going with her? I'd really feel sorry for you if you had to tell the dr. the ENTIRE truth about your mother in front of her. She will be HORRIFIC to deal with after that. If you're not going with her, you really need to call the dr. ahead of time to tell him everything you're seeing/experiencing. NOBODY will really understand without your input. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I don't know what to say about your situation, only that it's so hard to even imagine. I hope and pray that this nightmare is over soon for you all.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I do have serious sympathy for you in this area. And about not knowing just how your mom was really doing. We knew my parents and brother were having problems before we moved back to town but honestly did not know the extent until we were here and my dh went to work for my dad. It took a long time to recover from the surprise, not get caught up in it all, and figure out appropriate boundaries. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 :grouphug: I have been in a very similar situation. Long story short: My husband had been injured on the job, out of work for several months, used up most of our savings just to scrape by; he then found a job on the opposite side of the country which we spent all of our remaining saving to get to. When we moved, we had a 13 month old and a two week old. Two weeks after we got to Florida, the company went under. My husband was only paid for about one week's worth of work. We ended up living in a camp trailer with no running water or bathroom facilities and no family on the east coast. We couldn't afford to go home. At one point, we had to pawn my wedding ring to buy food. So, I know how stressful it all is. That whole time I just kept reminding myself, "This, too, shall pass." I would say that over and over. After about three months we'd gotten back on our feet. That struggle actually drew DH and I closer together. So, I'm praying for you and your family. I know you will get it all figured out. I can't predict that you will look back on this fondly, but five years later, my DH and I smile when we talk about that time in our lives. I know it's crazy, but it's true. You mentioned he's working as a courrier. Does he have a CDL by chance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I'm thinking a homeless shelter. It would probably be horrible while you're there, but it would probably also bump you to the top of the list for getting help. I also agree with looking for pizza-type jobs. That's the kind of stuff available around here, and although it doesn't pay extremely well it at least pays something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 about your mom and the psychiatriast/therapist appt, are you going with her? I'd really feel sorry for you if you had to tell the dr. the ENTIRE truth about your mother in front of her. She will be HORRIFIC to deal with after that. If you're not going with her, you really need to call the dr. ahead of time to tell him everything you're seeing/experiencing. NOBODY will really understand without your input, and mentally ill people regularly lie and don't get accurate diagnoses because of it. It sounds like this would be your mother. Clearly she's in denial. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I don't know what to say about your situation, only that it's so hard to even imagine. I hope and pray that this nightmare is over soon for you all.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :iagree: Especially with the highlighted. I have had to do this myself and found the doctor very happy to receive any information I had to give him. Make a concise, bulleted list of the behaviors that concern you. Be ready with examples, but make sure when you say them you keep BRIEF and UNEMOTIONAL. Also ask that the dr keep your call confidential. Also you mentioned your mom has an appt with a counselor?? Make sure you speak with that person confidentially as well. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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