Stop the Whining 2011-2012

[brownie]

I am sure there are older threads on this, but nothing I see in the past year..

 

We started back to school very slowly last week. This is an attempt to prevent shock to their systems come 4 weeks from now AND make it easier on them because we will cut the spelling and vocab we are doing now from the schedule the first 2 weeks to decrease the insanity of the first 2 weeks even further. It also gives me time to guide them through, 1 on 1, what I expect in each subject. The 8 year old did spelling and vocab last week and has now added some math (1 hour total maybe). The 6 year old has started spelling and reading(HOP), with a little math thrown in this week (30 minutes).

 

The whining has begun. The tears, the "I can't do that", the "I don't know how to write the word bat" (even though I did it yesterday and it's right in front of me to copy!), the lying down on belly over the chair yawning, the moaning and sighing.

 

I know it will decline as we move on. I know this from the last 2 years we've homeschooled. It happens briefly after every holiday break even, but I am ready to pull my hair out because I don't know how to respond. How do you respond when your child pretends they don't remember how to make an "s". It will ago away (mostly?) but I'm sure the better I handle it now, the better our school year will go and the more the whining will decline. If I "Reward" for whining through excessive help, they may continue to take advantage of me for the next 9 months. But what does patience look like without help?

 

I am tired of threatening public school, which they surely know by now is an empty threat, but little do they know that on days like this I yearn desparately to dump them off at the bus stop. What is your best advice for getting off to a positive start with positive attitudes.

 

Brownie

[mrs.m]

I gave my youngest who is always interupting and cutting-up rather than doing his work a warning the first day of school. I told him that if there is any whining, sassing, joking around (within reason, he does lighten the mood!), and other disrespect, he will be corrected.

 

He's been sent to sit on the stairs 2 times today. As soon as he starts, "Go sit on the stairs." And then we have short discussion afterward about behaviour expectations. "Save big money at MenNERDS." is not a propper response to my question to whether or not "save" starts with the /s/ sound. (and yes, now I'm cracking up because he really is funny! but I was not happy when it was happening.)

 

So, I just do a time-out without warning. I make sure it is a very boring time out making school work very appealing. I had to do this for the first couple weeks with my now 9yo when he was younger. It made for a few long days. It nipped it though!

Edited July 28, 2011 by jannylynn

[Blossom'sGirl]

My 8yo is notorious for this. One thing that has worked for me is to sit them down and first explain that there is only 1 teacher and that my time is precious and this behavior is very time consuming . I tell them that from now on I will help if they need it, but when they throw themselves they will get their name written on the board along with a sad face (I don't even say anything because I'm usually pretty upset with them at this point). Three of these sad faces and there are consequences such as having to listen to dad lecture them forever or no Wii or computer time.

 

I also mix thing up. Many times I keep a jar of M&M's in our study as a reward for not only good work but a good attitude. I have also found that my 8yo will fall apart over silly things if he is hungry.

[ktgrok]

Whines of "i don't know how" would be met with "well, I guess you need a lot more practice then. I'm going to have you do an extra page so you remember." Adding extra work should fix it.

[johnandtinagilbert]

We start with the big speech, then I remind them that if we don't finish our work on time, then they have less time to play. Hang in there :) You already know it gets better!

[mo2]

:bigear: I need this too.

[Thia]

oh

huh

really?

sigh

 

That was my response to this thread. See...I'm still a newbie I guess. We just wrapped up our first year. We haven't started our second year yet. Is this what I have to look forward to? I better start a list of these great responses.

[G5052]

So, I just do a time-out without warning. I make sure it is a very boring time out making school work very appealing. I had to do this for the first couple weeks with my now 9yo when he was younger. It made for a few long days. It nipped it though!

 

Now that they're teens, a short chore is assigned.

 

I give them one warning though, and then the punishment is assigned. Frankly this is completely normal IMHO and part of being human.

 

I am a community college professor, and I deal with it there as well with a different flavor of course.

[Mrs Twain]

If I think my kids are not getting the work done just because they are goofing off or being a little lazy, then I say that whatever they don't get done in the time allotted will have to be done for "homework." "Homework" in our neighborhood with public school kids means not being able to to play and have free time in the afternoon. I find that the homework threat is so terrifying that it usually works fine, without me having to give any speeches or get upset. Just a matter of fact, "You can do it for homework if you can't get it done now."

[5LittleMonkeys]

Today ds5 didn't want to write a 5. He said he couldn't do it, couldn't remember, was too tired...so I said I would write it for him. I wrote a 4 instead. He immediatley chastised me for not knowing what a 5 looks like, erased my number and wrote the best 5 he has ever written. I don't know if that will work everytime but even if it works part of the time I'm happy.

 

Now, dd8 pulls the whining sometimes but she is old enough to know the routine. Usually, if she whines about doing something and won't snap out of it when I try to joke or kid with her I will just close the book and put it aside and ask her what subject she would rather do. If she still complains or whines then I will tell her just to lay her head on the table until she is ready to do her work. I remind her that she gets no playtime until all of her schoolwork is completed for the day and the longer she delays the later it will be when we are done. That usually does the trick. So far this year I've only had to close the book and she will snap out of it and say, "No, no, no...let's do this so I can get done!"

 

Sometimes though, if we are having a bad day, I'm whining too. If that's the case then we call a holiday!:tongue_smilie:

[sagira]

I have started to implement the homework thing too. Much better than getting mad about it. Ds always acts like it's a surprise that we have school :glare:

[mama25angels]

:grouphug: to everyone, I didn't think we were going to make it through spelling today because he was whining so much. Today was a freebie, next week i'll start adding extra work and taking away privileges.

[warneral]

If I think my kids are not getting the work done just because they are goofing off or being a little lazy, then I say that whatever they don't get done in the time allotted will have to be done for "homework." "Homework" in our neighborhood with public school kids means not being able to to play and have free time in the afternoon. I find that the homework threat is so terrifying that it usually works fine, without me having to give any speeches or get upset. Just a matter of fact, "You can do it for homework if you can't get it done now."

 

Love this! My kids were in PS last year so I have one thing that works - I ask "would you act this way with your teacher at Public School?" to which they would stop and think and answer "no". They also had homework and I like telling them they could work on it for homework!

[4maybabies]

Ds always acts like it's a surprise that we have school :glare:

 

:lol::lol:

 

My dd7 acts as if she was up until 2am...she's just 'sooo tired'. I, too, remind her that if she doesn't get it done now, she'll be doing it in the evening and won't have any time to play. That usually does the trick.

[dedossett]

I have to deal with this issue as well! I have 6 kids. (11,9,7,4,3,1) It can drive you CRAZAY!!!!!! You start your day off with a quiet time..."Lord, help me to love these blessings you have given me. Help me to teach them with all patience and kindness and love." OK....deep breath. Go out there and teach those little blessings! Then they start whining, fighting, arguing, and suddenly everyone needs to sharpen their 7 pencils that have ALL broke!!!!! It can turn the most patient, attentive mom into a frenzy. :)

I have realized it is all about consistancy! Explain and let them be assured that it is vital that they understand and work hard. If you feel like they are off in "la la land" and whining let's do an extra page for each time you whine! School could be out for the summer in a week at this rate!

Homeschooling is definetly a labor of love. I deal with this myself! Hope it helps! :)

[TracyP]

No advice...just commiseration. We are dealing with this right now and I want to pull my hair out.

 

Me: say 5 is greater than 3

J: I can't, it's too hard

Me: look at the numbers and just say 5 is greater than 3

J: throws head back, tears up, and says IT'S TOO HARD!

Me: THE TWO YEAR OLD COULD DO THIS! JUST REPEAT THE WORDS 5 IS GREATER THAN 3!

J: (mumbling) 5 is greater than 3

 

Aargh! We did one more (it went much smoother) and called it a day. Oh yeah, before this he "couldn't remember" how to write his name. He wrote it yesterday.:glare: I'm glad I'm not alone and I'm tempted to never take a break again.

 

oh

huh

really?

sigh

 

That was my response to this thread. See...I'm still a newbie I guess. We just wrapped up our first year. We haven't started our second year yet. Is this what I have to look forward to? I better start a list of these great responses.

 

FWIW, my dd is a completely different story. She sounds more like this: This is too easy. Are we already done? Can I do more school?

[kandty]

IT looks like you have received lots of good advice. Here are some things that works for us. We do school on the dining room table and usually just suggesting that maybe my they need to do school at the desk in there room is enough to help since my 10 year old hates doing stuff alone in his room. This works well for him since he is a social bug and doing anything alone is painful for him. I also keep a bag of chores (ones no one wants to do) and they pull out a chore when they get in trouble during school time. My kids love their screen time and they don't get any until all the school work is done for the day. I will threaten they will lose their screen time if things are getting out of hand and that usually pulls them back in. Keep in mind I do follow through, so the threats work. ;) To be honest my oldest didn't get any screen time (except tv) until the weekend for half of the year last year. :tongue_smilie: I will be sure to remind him of that when we start next week so that he remembers what happens when we misbehave during school time. ;) Complaining that they can't do something I usually just leave them along (I leave the room) and give them a reasonable amount of time to finish it and when I come back and it's not done I explain again how to do it and say that they will need more practice and assign more work. Their reaction determines if they really don't know how or they just don't want to do the work and we go from there once I have the problem figured out. Too tired I usually explain that this is not a problem when we go to bed on time (if this is the cause) and expect them to do their work and remind them of what good thing will happen when they get it done. Perhaps a special treat or their screen time. Sometimes suggesting that they can go take a nap and we will continue with their school work in an hour helps. My kids aren't going to take a nap and if they did I would know something beyond their control was wrong. Good luck! It takes a lot of patience to do what we do and many of us don't have it, but training our kids is such a big help for everyone involved! :001_smile:

[TheApprentice]

We started back a few weeks ago, and we had a little discussion about this. This year, I told them that anything that smacks of whining and complaining means that for that child, they don't get to watch anything on a screen until 8pm (they are usually allowed after 4pm). This works for my family because they like to play on the computer/xbox or watch tv or play on their ds and so this is a pretty big hit for them. Two of my 3 boys have already had this punishment and they know I mean business. If the assignment is written in the book, they have to do it. "I can't..." counts as a complaint around here. I had my fill last year and this is what is working right now. They have to know that you will follow through on any punishment/negative reinforcement.

[Time for Chocolate]

We started school this past week so we could feel ahead, too.:001_smile: I have five kids ages 12, 10, 8, 6, and 4. The whining, I'm too tired, this is too hard thing has been driving me crazy, too. A lot of great ideas have already been suggested, I'm adding some to my list, but this is what I've been doing.

 

I wrote their initials on our white board and told them if the get three checks for attitude and/or incomplete assignments for the day then they will not get their t.v. time or Wii time at the end of the day. The second week of school it goes down to two checks a day. The third week one check a day and the fourth week no checks are allowed. (I used to teach 5th graders and the majority rarely earned a check.) Also, I have divided their work into six notebooks. We will do school for six weeks and be off the seventh week. They know that all of the work in their notebook will have to be completed, or they will be finishing it the seventh week.

 

My eight year old started to fuss and whine this past week and she normally is very good about getting her work done. I told her to go lay down and come back when she could stop fussing. She feel asleep on her bed. I could tell she was tired and knew she was going through a growth spurt because her sister did the same thing at her age. As far as the preteens in my house the SWB thing of a sandwich, a shower, or a nap really does seem to help.

 

HTH,

Judy

[BetterthanIdeserve]

This is a very timely post for me! My husband and I have been discussing the same thing since we started school about 3 weeks ago with DD6. I tried to start slow, but really did more than I planned. There has been a lot of whining and complaining, yet she admits that she likes some of school and some things are fun. My very extrinsically motivated husband suggested we do the following:

 

She gets 3 small magnets on the fridge each day. She can lose them for 1-dawdling/not paying attention, 2-saying "I don't like..." or "I don't want to do...", 3 - bad attitude. For each day that she has at least one magnet left, she will get a sticker on a chart. After 10 "superstar" days she will get some sort of reward. We started with a trip to the pool with just mom or dad (we have a pool pass but she is used to going with the littles in tow), and the next one is a trip to the movies with mom or dad (which is actually a pretty big treat in our house).

 

I was very intrinsically motivated, and have struggled to figure out how much motivating based on rewards is appropriate. However my hubby is the complete opposite (he lost 85 pounds that way - at 50 lbs he got an xbox 360, and at 75 lbs he got an hdtv) and my dd is like him in so many ways. I'm sure we'll do some tweaking as we go along - I like the idea of going down to 2 and then 1 magnets and we may adjust the number of "superstar" days it to takes to get a reward. I don't know how long we'll continue this, but I'm willing to give it a try to start of some good habits of behavior. I also love the We Choose Virtue catchphrase for diligence. "I am diligent. I start fast, work hard and finish strong." (I think that's it, I'm waiting for our poster/flashcards). I remind my DD whenever she starts to lose focus.

[Hedgehogs4]

Ds always acts like it's a surprise that we have school :glare:

 

:iagree: you'd think that they'd figure it out by now...

[Finnella]

Here are some things that works for us. . . . I also keep a bag of chores (ones no one wants to do) and they pull out a chore when they get in trouble during school time.

 

Last year I did the homework thing and withheld privileges such as screen time. This year, I'm also making up an "attitude adjustment" chore list. That name was given to me at a recent book fair from another mother. Since I'm chronically ill, there are plenty of nasty little chores to be done around the house. If nothing else, the house will be cleaner.

[Live2Ride]

oh

huh

really?

sigh

 

That was my response to this thread. See...I'm still a newbie I guess. We just wrapped up our first year. We haven't started our second year yet. Is this what I have to look forward to? I better start a list of these great responses.

 

Oh, I'm into my 6th year and I still get the occasional complaints-more work is added and the complaints stop for a while. They do this with chores too and that chore for the rest of the week or the next has just about cured that...

[matrips]

for those that assign chores, what are some examples of chores you give or put in the chore jar? and doesn't the chore just become another thing to whine about and procrastinate?

 

lately, I've been making mine drop and give me 10 pushups everytime I hear a whiny voice. Either they'll learn to stop whining or they'll be in great shape!

 

I do like the idea of homework though. One trouble we have is someone not being done and we can't go do something fun. Though I'm thinking I'm just postponing the whining until later!

 

Do public school teachers face this? Why do we???!!

[TeaCookiesBears]

corrected.

 

So, I just do a time-out without warning. I make sure it is a very boring time out making school work very appealing. I had to do this for the first couple weeks with my now 9yo when he was younger. It made for a few long days. It nipped it though!

 

I have two girls and my youngest one is the one who gives me a hard time with everything. It's like have a 5 year old teenage. I use to do timeouts but stopped for some reason but now that she is becoming a handful i have just 5 mins ago took away her pc time because refuses to sit for mins. to do anything except play Poptropica or game-boy.

 

:iagree: timeouts can be used to give the child to think about what they have done and show them that certain types of behavior will not be tolerated.

[TeaCookiesBears]

Whines of "i don't know how" would be met with "well, I guess you need a lot more practice then. I'm going to have you do an extra page so you remember." Adding extra work should fix it.

 

That's a good one!! I think I will have to try one :D.

[TeaCookiesBears]

FWIW, my dd is a completely different story. She sounds more like this: This is too easy. Are we already done? Can I do more school?

 

Lucky You:tongue_smilie:

[Irishmommy]

Remember children, we don't whine ... We shine!!!!

[sillymommy]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all these great ideas. I've dreaded ending summer vacation because I don't want to hear dd6 whine all day about school. Perhaps with these new ideas, I can quit threatening to take her to our parish school!

[rocketgirl]

This was funny to me, it reminded me of my first weeks of ps, I taught a variety of grades but mostly kdg. The first week of school, the kids were just exhausted. Even tho I gradually phased in different things to get, finally, to our complete schedule...everything was new and a complete contrast to summer, getting up early, expectations, being with new kids, etc. But by the 2nd week, totally different story. With the whining, I just remind them of what was next...let's do this so we can do this...if we don't we won't have time...

[kandty]

for those that assign chores, what are some examples of chores you give or put in the chore jar? and doesn't the chore just become another thing to whine about and procrastinate?

 

 

Maybe the first time, but if that happens they have to pick out another chore. It usually isn't a problem. I love this system because it works for us and it seems like magic (or perhaps the Holy Spirit) that my kids pick the the perfect "chore" that they are needing at that time. :D

 

Some things I include in my chore bag (not all are chores):

mercy ticket (I can be a nice mom sometimes ;))

go to church to spend some time praying about what got myself in trouble (we live 1 mile from our Catholic church, so this works great for us)

run around the house 6 times (that one always gets the job done as it seems to get picked when it is 100 outside or 6 inches of snow :lol:)

spent a half hour in bed alone (this may not be punishment for some kids, but my kids hate to be alone so it gets the job done)

spend 10 minutes dusting bookshelves

clean windows (inside and out) in your bedroom

clean out a kitchen cabinet

clean the silverware draw

sweep off the back deck

clean mom's bathroom

do something nice for your brother

do something nice for a parent

spend 15 minutes cleaning in the garage

dust your bedroom

[MeganW]

I'm a newbie - we have only been doing this for like a month, so my advice may not be helpful.

 

We had this happen once the second week. I just told the offender that she sounded tired, and needed to go rest on her bed. No books, no story player - just rest.

 

I then helped her through the missed lesson while the others were in dance class that afternoon. She was DEVASTATED to miss dance to finish her schoolwork, so I haven't had an issue since. So far anyway!

[Penelope]

Maybe the first time, but if that happens they have to pick out another chore. It usually isn't a problem. I love this system because it works for us and it seems like magic (or perhaps the Holy Spirit) that my kids pick the the perfect "chore" that they are needing at that time. :D

 

 

 

 

I love your chore jar idea. :D

Thanks for the examples. I'll be using some of them.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I sort of have levels depending on what is going on. Mild one time whine gets

 

 

"You can do hard things.". Or " The only people who are bored are boring people"

 

Continue and you will lose screen time a HUGE motivator here.

 

If you are over the top you have to do school with dad at night. Dad is not patient! Then you go to bed.

 

All this is tempered with whether I do think it's hunger or tiredness or being out of sorts for some reason. I sometimes prescribe a bath, especially for dd 7. Ds usually gets a snack. Three yo gets a nap.