Luanne Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 My daughter and I have been living with my parents for a little over a year now. I had a job managing storage units and was laid off. I got an apartment, but lost it 6 months later. Now the situation ... my father said to me the other day "YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH SOMEWHERE". I am not against going to church, but haven't really felt led to since leaving the church my ex was going to about 7 years ago. I am 46 years old and I don't feel like I should automatically have to do what my father tells me to do just because they have been kind enough to let us stay with them until I can find work, etc. Do you think that I am obligated to comply with him? If not, what should I do about this situation. I know tomorrow morning they will expect us to attend somewhere and will hound me about it when they get home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 It's true that you don't have to do what your parents say, although it's sort of polite to fall in with people's plans when you're a guest under their roof. Aside from that, though, I think that it is worth considering that he might have a point. The Bible says not to forsake gathering together, and you have a child you're raising, entrusted to you by God. Just something to consider... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted July 16, 2011 Author Share Posted July 16, 2011 I would go with them and see how that went. Is the one I used to attend. I did go with them on Easter Sunday. I couldn't stand the music. I felt like I was at a rock concert. This is supposed to be an Assembly of God church, but they seem more concerned about numbers (how many people they can get to attend their church) and living as close to the world as possible and still be a Christian. So, I am sorry, but attending with them is not an option. My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana B Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I would go with them and see how that went. :iagree: Think of it as family time, not necessarily church time. If the church they attend is just a wrong fit for you, see what else you could find. Although you don't have to follow what Dad says just because, it'd be wise to at least go through some motions so he doesn't get super frustrated at you being there. You might just find a place you feel you belong. Or you'll find a place your daughter feels she belongs and you go along for the ride. Make it a learning experience with your daughter. Depending on her age, you can see what she'd like in a church - friends, good music, maybe she'll really appreciate going with her grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 We moved home after living in MO for 7 years. We moved in with my parents (DH, DS, and myself with DD on the way). We adjusted our lifestyle a lot to fit into my parents lifestyle. Not all changes were good, but they were providing free living quarters while we tried to sell our house in MO and start 2 businesses. Unless you are completely against going to church, I would just start trying a different church each week until you find one you and DD like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diana B Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Is the one I used to attend. I did go with them on Easter Sunday. I couldn't stand the music. I felt like I was at a rock concert. This is supposed to be an Assembly of God church, but they seem more concerned about numbers (how many people they can get to attend their church) and living as close to the world as possible and still be a Christian. So, I am sorry, but attending with them is not an option. My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. I'd say it's because he's worried about you. Explain to him that you hear him and you understand he's worried about you. Then let him know you are researching where to attend or something along those lines to appease him. How does your daughter feel about going? Maybe he'd be happy if you sent her with them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 He feels like he can tell you what to do because you are back under his roof. You and I know that doesn't mean that you are any less an adult, but quite often it does come with the territory. It sounds like you are in a place though where you can't enforce the boundary - I mean you could say, "no" but he could say "no" to your living arrangement also. I think that visiting various churches that do not have a rock music atmosphere might be to your "political" advantage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 You've been living there over a year and this is the first he's mentioned you returning to church? Are you paying any rent or helping with the bills? Maybe he's seeing your living arrangement as more permanent than temporary since you've passed the year mark. If religion/faith/church is important to him maybe he's having a problem ignoring the fact that you aren't regularly attending. If you plan on continuing to live there I would try to keep the peace and look for a new church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Your parents are sheltering you right now, and it sounds as though part of that is that they'd like to see you do some personal spiritual work. Honestly, it sounds very much like they want this *for your benefit* and not their own--they're not even insisting you worship where they do. I don't see the downside to acquiescing. Any other action would appear to be a sort of foot-stamping insistence on autonomy, when in reality, you need family ties right now. It sounds like your folks have been good to you. It costs you nothing to graciously give them this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Is the one I used to attend. I did go with them on Easter Sunday. I couldn't stand the music. I felt like I was at a rock concert. This is supposed to be an Assembly of God church, but they seem more concerned about numbers (how many people they can get to attend their church) and living as close to the world as possible and still be a Christian. So, I am sorry, but attending with them is not an option. My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. Well, MAYBE it's your father telling you, but maybe it's GOD telling you! Whether or not you need a particular church or denomination is immaterial. I look at God as a Best Friend. One who is always present, yes, but one whom we ought to seek weekly at HIS place too. (yeah I know, He has a lot of them, but...) Your daughter needs some spiritual starting point. Perhaps it would do you both good to seek Him out on a more regular basis, and invite Him to help you get back on your feet. Anyway, feel free to ignore the above if it doesn't resonate with you, and best wishes whatever you decide! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 Maybe you could go once in a while just to please them-- they are doing a lot for you. Who knows, you might get used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. Okay, I have adult children . . . . parents never stop being a parent. they are going to give you unsolicited advice/direction until the day they die. you are also living with them and I assume he's paying some of your living expenses, so he's going to comment. You said you have no objection, just havent' been interested. Why don't you take the opportunity to think about what you believe - and visit some different churches. You might actually find one that awakens your spirit. and if you don't fine anything, you can tell him you have visited some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I'd probably go and see how it went --if you liked it you could always keep attending....but depending on how it was "said" to me that would bugg me too-I don't take kindly to people telling me what to do......never have LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. I understand what you are saying, and I can hear your frustration. However, if you want to be treated like an adult, you have to behave like one. Adults don't depend on their parents for basic needs. Flame away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I understand what you are saying, and I can hear your frustration.However, if you want to be treated like an adult, you have to behave like one. Adults don't depend on their parents for basic needs. Flame away. I agree. When you move back in with your parents, unless you are really acting like a renter and paying your share of utilities, buying your own food, etc....you agree to follow their house rules. Maybe your dad is trying to hint that going to church (somewhere) is one of those rules. If you don't like it, move out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My grandmother is nearly 90. My mom is 65 and her brother is nearly 70. My grandmother still tells them what she thinks they need to do. THat part is likely not going to change. Your dad knows you once went to church. Obviously church is very important to him as he still attends. My guess is that he didn't just walk past and throw these words out but rather this comment was part of a longer conversation. Not to mention, does your child attend church? Are you encouraging your child to stay home?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My daughter and I have been living with my parents for a little over a year now. ... my father said to me the other day "YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH SOMEWHERE"... I am 46 years old and I don't feel like I should automatically have to do what my father tells me to do just because they have been kind enough to let us stay with them until I can find work, etc... I say get thee to a church. I think the poster who pointed out that you have been living there over a year now, so your father is probably considering it a more permanent arrangement. He might be worried for your soul. If he is supporting you financially, I think you are obligated to comply with reasonable requests. (And maybe some that aren't completely reasonable... it's his house.) There are a lot of different types of church out there- visit a different one every week and find one you can handle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I understand what you are saying, and I can hear your frustration.However, if you want to be treated like an adult, you have to behave like one. Adults don't depend on their parents for basic needs. . But she said he treated that way even when she wasn't living with him. Some parents are that way no matter how long they live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. There are a lot more issues here than just church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My main question was really why does my father feel like he can tell me what to do when I am 46 years old. ... and it was this way even before we were living with them. I feel like I should have the right as an adult to make my own decisions I think you do have the "right as an adult to make your own decisions..." and if you weren't being supported by your father I would say just skip the church. BUT- if someone (anyone) was paying my living expenses, especially long-term, I would do what I reasonably could to make them happy. ... apparently that isn't the way people here think it should be. I should do everything my daddy tells me to and NEVER be an adult. I don't think anyone here told you this. I think if you are living under someone's roof for free you need to listen carefully to what they want- that's what an adult would do. When you are supporting yourself and your family as an adult, you are free to do what you want. A child would whine about not being able to do whatever they want when someone else is supporting them. I'm just sayin'... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 It sounds like your folks have been good to you. It costs you nothing to graciously give them this. Okay, I have adult children . . . . parents never stop being a parent. they are going to give you unsolicited advice/direction until the day they die. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My daughter and I have been living with my parents for a little over a year now. I had a job managing storage units and was laid off. I got an apartment, but lost it 6 months later. Now the situation ... my father said to me the other day "YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH SOMEWHERE". I am not against going to church, but haven't really felt led to since leaving the church my ex was going to about 7 years ago. I am 46 years old and I don't feel like I should automatically have to do what my father tells me to do just because they have been kind enough to let us stay with them until I can find work, etc. Do you think that I am obligated to comply with him? If not, what should I do about this situation. I know tomorrow morning they will expect us to attend somewhere and will hound me about it when they get home. I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm not religious and it likely colors my view. Forcing an adult to go to church is just not a good idea and a bit disrespectful. I can understand your parents making some demands of you if you're living under their roof. This should not be one of them IMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 There are a lot more issues here than just church. :iagree: Are you working towards independence? Going to school/retraining? Is he just trying to get you out of the house once a week because you are isolated/depressed? Are you doing something he thinks religion will fix (e.g. drinking)? Are you indecisive and leaning on him for so many things he feels he HAS to tell you what to do? There are more questions, but, like the above, they are for you to ask yourself. Is there any local resources on skills evaluation and retraining? HTH :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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