13yo Twin dd's repeating 8th grade

[angandmike]

I posted this also in the hs forum....

 

I so need some wisdom from this community on this issue. It has literally put me in a state of agony over what to do.

 

My girls will be 14 in late July and have just finished their "8th grade" year.

 

They completed TT PreAlgebra, Apologia Physical Science both of which were difficult for them and their writing/spelling skills are at least a year or two behind grade level.

 

Due to the above, plus lack of academic effort on their part, my husband wants to "hold them back" next year and repeat 8th grade......that way they will graduate late in their 18th year, as opposed to 17yo.

 

We have already talked to them about the possibility of repeating/ doing an extra yr of high school and they seem ok with that. I'm just not sure what that would "loook" like for transcript purposes.

 

I would like to have any/all recommendations, specifically if any of you have done this or "added an extra year" of high school.

 

I'm concerned about how this would affect the girls' self-esteem. They already think of themselves as poor students. I want to somehow do what's best for them while still being an encouragement (if that makes sense).

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading and I look forward to your relies.

 

In Christ's love and mercy,

 

Ang

[NanceXToo]

Don't you only have to keep "transcripts" for high school? High school is considered 9th to 12th grades. So 8th grade doesn't even have to go on a transcript as far as I know. If a year of review and solidifying skills etc. would be beneficial to them, I say go for it.

[8filltheheart]

Well, the easy question/answer is that it won't impact their transcript at all. Their transcripts don't need to include anything prior to 9th grade. If they take alg this yr, you could include it as an 8th grade course. But I wouldn't worry about anything else.

 

The harder question is how they will react and whether you should. That is really a familial decision. No one this forum can really assess the situation. It really is something you are going to have to decide.

[speedmom4]

My youngest daughter is the same age as your daughters. She will be 14 at the end of July. We held her back in elementary school for the very same reason. It was a great decision and I have never regretted it. I wish that I had just started her a year later for kindergarten but I just didn't realize she is a bit of a late bloomer.

 

I think that holding a child back when it is necessary is only beneficial in the long run. I am so glad that my daughter isn't beginning highschool yet. I think that the extra year will give her the confidence to really do well. I think giving her an extra year will only help when she goes to college. She needs an extra year to mature emotionally and academically.

 

I hope you eventually have some peace about the situation. One of the benefits of homeschooling is letting your children be who they are and on their own time frame. They don't have to fit into a pre-approved timeline.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Ellie]

I have a July bday. To say that we "graduate at 17" isn't exactly accurate; if the graduation date is in May or June, yes, we're 17, but then we're 18 just a month or so later. To be held back means to graduate at 18 and turn 19 a month or so later. That's just not ok.

 

My vote is to allow them to be "in" 9th grade next year; they'll either work really hard to be finished in four years, or it will take them a little longer to graduate. Under no circumstances would I advocate making them repeat a grade.

[reet3]

A friend "held back" her daughter one year, simply because she felt she wasn't ready to let her graduate even though she had fulfilled all the requirements. It didn't cause any problems at all. Follow your instincts.

[gracyomalley]

My oldest right now is planning on 4 years of middle school - we just finished his 1st "5th" grade year - and although he is ahead in many subjects, and at an acceptable level in all according to the state, his learning disability makes learning take him longer - and he and I discussed his goals, and the fact that socially he is right in the middle (here in Oregon many of his just turned 11 year old friends are starting 5th next fall because of voluntary late kinder for boys and in the private schools). He said he really didn't care what year we call it as long as he gets to work at his level (not do baby science, math and history is how he put it) and have time to play violin for hours a day and be on the gym team...

 

He'll continue to do middle school work in all areas not Language arts, and move on to high school level whenever he's ready - and probably do some dual enrollment later. I didn't want to wait any longer to make this choice, as once he hit high school years, I wanted only 4 on his "transcript"...and I just felt that we'd always be pushing to "catch up" rather than enjoying the learning and having time to encourage the areas he is bright in rather than always hammering at those he isn't so much!

 

Many kids now a days graduate at 19, and some at 16...especially for homeschoolers, why in the world would that not be "OK" ? - its not like colleges are checking your birth certificate and looking askance at any who don't fit the mold...each state varies on what is the normal age to graduate anyway! I graduated at 17, my brother was almost 19 because of different entrance standards in the different states we started kinder in. I had friends who went right to college and struggled, friends who thrived, and friends who did 3 years of CC and working, then went on and were excellent students once at 4 year schools.. many of whom have gone on to masters and higher degrees.

 

Do what's best for your kids - that's why we homeschool. If socially they don't care, and IF by adding an additional year of middle school you can set yourself clear goals of what you will cover (so as to prepare for a good set of high school years), and really help them to be successful, then I see few downsides. I was sure ds would care - but I went to ps and was very hungup on status and grade level, being the best at stuff...etc. DS sees "being smart" differently than I did - I saw it as getting As, he sees it as learning all sorts of cool stuff! Homeschooling has protected him from feeling like his LD is "all he is", and teaching him at his pace will give him the confidence to pursue those "cool things" on his own later...if your daughters have any desire to go to college, then do what will help them learn to learn on their own before that!

Erin

[Carol in Cal.]

If you're going to hold them back, 8th grade is absolutely the time to do it. Otherwise it can get tricky with high school transcripts later.

 

I seriously considered this, not because DD was not doing well but because there is such a range of skills taught at the 8th grade level and it would have given her a leg up in high school, while being perfectly valid age-wise (she would have been the same age as the MANY children who started kindergarten 'late' which is very common around here.) We decided together to go for it instead, and it worked out well with the high school that she is attending. She would have seemed weirdly old if she had gone there a year later--it's a Catholic school and the 'holding back in kindy' is much less common in Catholic schools than elsewhere locally.

 

However, I still am a bit wistful at what we could have done with a second year. A second pass through algebra with a different book, or a first pass through geometry or algebra II. LLLOTR. A serious field trip with accompanying studies to Ashland. RS4K Level II Chemistry, along with Science Vine and the Teaching Company's Chemistry DVD's. Concordia Villages Spanish, maybe. It would have been great, and she would have entered high school even better prepared. But, it wouldn't have been a good fit for the high school of her choice.

 

I encourage you to consider what you are doing in high school and decide in the light of that. Also, I encourage you to position it as 'the gift of an extra year' rather than 'held back'. That's really what it is. Those girls do not sound like they would be held back in a regular school setting, but it does sound like it would benefit them to spend a little more time on advancement before they go into high school. I think that you can position it that way.

[NanceXToo]

I have a July bday. To say that we "graduate at 17" isn't exactly accurate; if the graduation date is in May or June, yes, we're 17, but then we're 18 just a month or so later. To be held back means to graduate at 18 and turn 19 a month or so later. That's just not ok.

 

My vote is to allow them to be "in" 9th grade next year; they'll either work really hard to be finished in four years, or it will take them a little longer to graduate. Under no circumstances would I advocate making them repeat a grade.

 

If my daughter graduates in May or June at 18, she won't turn 19 until that October...

 

...but regardless, why is not "not ok" to graduate at almost 19? What's the big deal? :confused:

 

ETA: To the OP I didn't mention this in my original post, but we have pretty much reached a definite decision to stretch 6th grade out over a two year period beginning this fall as my daughter was THE youngest in her class when I first sent her to Kindergarten, and I think that she will do better with and get more out of various independent reading, writing and research assignments by having that extra year to age/mature- and I also prefer that she end up being 18 when she graduates rather than 17. I think as long as you do it prior to high school, it'll work out fine!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I have a July bday. To say that we "graduate at 17" isn't exactly accurate; if the graduation date is in May or June, yes, we're 17, but then we're 18 just a month or so later. To be held back means to graduate at 18 and turn 19 a month or so later. That's just not ok.

 

 

Why?

 

What is special about graduating by 18? I can think of any number of reasons, why a student might be nearly 19 when they graduated. Many of those reasons would take into account the student's ability and maturity at a particular point in time.

 

There is even a growing practice of holding back kids from entering school until they have matured one more year.

 

I think this is one of those situations that could be a blessing or less than helpful, depending on just where the kids are. But I don't think that repeating 8th grade or graduating at nearly 19 is dooming a kid.

[calandalsmom]

My son will naturally be 18 at the beginning of his senior year. The cut off for schools in IN is July 1 and he was red shirted before kindy bc he has a June birthday and I saw no reason to send a very young 5 yr old away all day for school. I can't tell you how happy I am I did this. It is exactly right for him.

 

The idea that you MUST graduate before 18 makes no sense to me.

[melmichigan]

I'm curious, if you are discussing holding them back because of "lack of academic effort" what do you see changing if they repeat the year?

[wapiti]

I'm not one normally in favor of holding back, but I'd consider it if they are not prepared to do work in the coming year which is high-school-transcript-worthy (whatever that may mean ;), assuming they're college-bound).

 

The self-esteem angle would be huge for me at this age.

 

Have they not been evaluated for LDs, etc.? Being a couple years behind grade level would be a red flag, though it's not easy to say what role the lack of effort may play.

 

I might consider moving forward with 9th grade, and then if it doesn't go well (i.e., not good enough for transcript purposes), consider it to have been a repeat of 8th.

[DarlaS]

You'll have to go with your gut on this one. Another possibility is extending grade 8 one semester. Do you live in a state where that would not over-complicate things?

 

I had a fall birthday, and turned 19 5 mos after graduation.

 

I guess I was "red-shirted" before the word even existed. In my case, it was a mistake. ALL throughout elementary school, I was accused of having been held back and lying about it (didn't help that I was tall for my age).

I was NOT a late bloomer either and was reading well before kindy (in the 70's when reading was not even taught until grade 1). I was pretty bored and sick of it all by high school. (After having teacher after teacher basically treat you like you're annoying when you know stuff the other kids don't know, you just kind of stop trying.). But this was a school situation and therefore pretty different.

 

These were the days before all-day academic kindy, which would be the main cause of red-shirting today. My mother's reason? We were moving, and she didn't want me to have to change schools. That made NO sense as kindy and gr. 1 were not in the same building in the district we moved into. I barely knew any kids in my gr. 1 class (I think the real reason was I was the youngest of five, and she wanted to keep me another year.). I was also in an entirely different building (an annex) for gr. 2. I have fond memories of reading all these lovely hardback readers the teacher kept in an area at the back of the second grade room.

[Ellie]

Why?

 

What is special about graduating by 18? I can think of any number of reasons, why a student might be nearly 19 when they graduated. Many of those reasons would take into account the student's ability and maturity at a particular point in time.

 

There is even a growing practice of holding back kids from entering school until they have matured one more year.

 

I think this is one of those situations that could be a blessing or less than helpful, depending on just where the kids are. But I don't think that repeating 8th grade or graduating at nearly 19 is dooming a kid.

Why would it be ok to graduate almost a year after the "norm"? When did "maturity" become the determining factor for graduating? Isn't "graduation" an indication of finishing a course of study, not an evaluation of someone's "maturity"?

 

I think children who are six years old are too young to be institutionalized in a school setting. I also don't believe that 12 is a magic number, that children must have 12 years of formal instruction to be ready to face the world. If I "held back" a child (and just how does one do that when one is homeschooling???) I would still expect her to have completed her formal education at home by the time she is 18, even if that was less than 12 years of formal school.

[missmoe]

We are doing the same thing for our 12 year old twins. They will be repeating the 7th-grade this year. I feel they will need that extra year before high school to develop skills necessary to suceed in high school. I explained to them that they simply weren't ready for 8th-grade yet. It didn't seem to be a big deal to them, but I did notice some embarssement this last week when my dd was asked if she was finishing up 7th-grade or going into 7th-grade. I guess I need to talk to her about how to answer ?s.

 

I think 8th grade would be the year to solidify skills.

[NanceXToo]

Why would it be ok to graduate almost a year after the "norm"? When did "maturity" become the determining factor for graduating? Isn't "graduation" an indication of finishing a course of study, not an evaluation of someone's "maturity"?

 

I think children who are six years old are too young to be institutionalized in a school setting. I also don't believe that 12 is a magic number, that children must have 12 years of formal instruction to be ready to face the world. If I "held back" a child (and just how does one do that when one is homeschooling???) I would still expect her to have completed her formal education at home by the time she is 18, even if that was less than 12 years of formal school.

 

Why WOULDN'T it be ok to graduate almost a year after the "norm?" And with all the various cut off dates in all the various districts, what makes you think that someone graduating closer to turning 19 than 18 isn't "normal" in some schools anyway, depending on a child's birthday? If my daughter had been born just one day later she'd have had to wait an extra year to enter school, and wouldn't have graduated until 4 months before her 19th birthday anyway.

 

And yes, I WOULD like my child to be a bit more mature before she goes off to a college setting or to travel the world without an adult etc, and I WOULD like her to be 4 months from her 19th birthday rather than 4 months from her 18th...what's wrong with that?

 

I'm glad it worked for you to make sure your kids graduated by the time they were 18 no matter what, but you still haven't said anything that makes me understand why you would tell someone else "it is not ok" for their kids to graduate closer to 19 than 18. It IS okay, it just wasn't your preference for your kids.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Ellie]

Why WOULDN'T it be ok to graduate almost a year after the "norm?" And with all the various cut off dates in all the various districts, what makes you think that someone graduating closer to turning 19 than 18 isn't "normal" in some schools anyway, depending on a child's birthday? If my daughter had been born just one day later she'd have had to wait an extra year to enter school, and wouldn't have graduated until 4 months before her 19th birthday anyway.

 

And yes, I WOULD like my child to be a bit more mature before she goes off to a college setting or to travel the world without an adult etc, and I WOULD like her to be 4 months from her 19th birthday rather than 4 months from her 18th...what's wrong with that?

 

I'm glad it worked for you to make sure your kids graduated by the time they were 18 no matter what, but you still haven't said anything that makes me understand why you would tell someone else "it is not ok" for their kids to graduate closer to 19 than 18. It IS okay, it just wasn't your preference for your kids.

I sitll haven't read anything here that would be a compelling reason to hold back 13yo dc. Graduating a child doesn't mean that she must go out into the world--although in the history of the world, there have been uncounted scores of young people who went out into the world at that age; it isn't clear to me why our children are not capable of doing so.

 

We are all giving our opinions. Mine is that maturity is not a reason to keep a child from being graduated. Surely it is just as valid for me to state what my opinion is as for others to state what their opposing opinions are. Feel free to disagree with me.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I'm curious, if you are discussing holding them back because of "lack of academic effort" what do you see changing if they repeat the year?

 

Some kids need an extra year of maturity to begin high school. Another year for their brains to develop before the high school level work/thinking they will need to do.

 

 

I sitll haven't read anything here that would be a compelling reason to hold back 13yo dc. Graduating a child doesn't mean that she must go out into the world--although in the history of the world, there have been uncounted scores of young people who went out into the world at that age; it isn't clear to me why our children are not capable of doing so.

 

We are all giving our opinions. Mine is that maturity is not a reason to keep a child from being graduated. Surely it is just as valid for me to state what my opinion is as for others to state what their opposing opinions are. Feel free to disagree with me.

 

 

Wow :001_huh: Absolutely some kids are just not ready for high school right away. Given another year to mature would give their brains another year to mature for the level of work required in high school. I don't see why numbers (ages negate when we graduate) My 6 1/2 year old may not graduate by 18 and I see nothing wrong with that. We have had our struggles in Kindergarten and are still working on K work. We may be working on it the first month or two of "1st grade" I just think if I were to push him to completely finish by the "school year" he would get so lost. It just takes him a bit longer to truly have a good understanding of concepts. This world is changing VERY much from years ago. So much is technology based kids need to know alot more (IMO) from what they used to. They need skills they didn't used to NEED before. Before, you could easily get a great job without going to college- but that seems to be fast changing. Even college graduates are having a hard time finding good, family sustaining jobs. My kids are younger than yours so I am assuming I am younger than you- and this job market has changed HUGE even since I graduated. Dh didn't go to college but has an AMAZING job. That can still happen, but nothing like what it used to. Some kids just need to allow their brain to grow and develop another year before tackling high school level (advanced math, science) level courses. All kids are different, there certainly were kids I went to school with who would have done better waiting a year before high school level courses.--- again, just my opinion, not trying to start any arguments :001_smile:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I absolutely would hold back if needed. However, I would use different curriculum. Use another pre-algebra book this year so that maybe the new way of learning it will help with them, a new physical science book-- etc. Have you looked at Gods Design for the Physical World? If you add supplemental books that would be a WONDERFUL book for 8th graders! I just got this in for my 4th grader, and had I waited I would have done this with my 8th grader as well with supplementation -- which is optional, just to enrich and deepen- not necessary as this is a very rich program- I just like adding in extra real books :D (NOT needed at all for my 4th grader) but I already bought Apologia Physical science. I recommend checking this out! I am sure others can chime in on what Pre-Algebra program would work.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Why would it be ok to graduate almost a year after the "norm"? When did "maturity" become the determining factor for graduating? Isn't "graduation" an indication of finishing a course of study, not an evaluation of someone's "maturity"?

 

I think children who are six years old are too young to be institutionalized in a school setting. I also don't believe that 12 is a magic number, that children must have 12 years of formal instruction to be ready to face the world. If I "held back" a child (and just how does one do that when one is homeschooling???) I would still expect her to have completed her formal education at home by the time she is 18, even if that was less than 12 years of formal school.

 

If the student hasn't mastered the body of learning, then I don't consider a certain birthday grounds to compell me to end their studies. I think that maturation comes into play when one is determining if a student is not mastering material because they aren't ready for it, vs not putting in enough effort, vs using material that is a poor match, vs having LDs or lacking an aptitude for a certain level of study.

 

I'm not saying that I wouldn't graduate someone at the end of high school, just because I don't think they are fully functioning adults (in fact I know many college grads who are still gaining seasoning as adults). But I don't think that something bad happens just because a student completes their high school studies at the tail end of their 18th year.

 

I don't think it is really a matter of "holding back" a homeschooler, any more than I would tell my bright middle schooler that he's skipping a grade because he's starting to tackle rhetoric level material or math that might go on a high school transcript. But I also have a very young rising fourth grader (especially compared to local schools). He was barely old enough to be considered a kindergartener where we lived that year, but would not have been old enough if we had lived here. He's been my late reader. Should I decide at the end of his 8th grade year that he's just not ready, I will repeat that pre-high school year with no guilt at all.

 

I do agree that there isn't something magical in 12 years. For example in Germany, university bound students often take 13 years to prepare for their college entrance exams.

[5LittleMonkeys]

My dd12 is having an additional 6th grade year this year. I have many reasons and I didn't come to this decision lightly. I spent a lot of time considering the pros and cons of extending 6th grade or moving her up to 7th. In the end I couldn't come up with any reasons why it would be better for her to move onto 7th.

 

We became aware of some LDs this year and were also dealing with a lot of emotional\behavioral issues this year which consequently caused her to stand still in her academic progress. Bottom line - she just isn't ready for 7th grade work. Due to her LDs we spent all of this past year getting her to the point of even being able to sit down and do math without coming to tears. She just started a 6th grade math now but it is slow going. Mentally she is still in the grammar stage of thinking; everything is literal and she doesn't have the capacity to think metaphorically about anything. Logic eludes her at this point. Because she is still in the literal, fact gathering stage of thinking many middle school writing assignments are difficult for her; especially those that require deep thought and questions about underlying meaning. We believe she has ADHD Inattentive which makes doing any schoolwork she finds challenging, difficult to get through. I feel confident that this is the best decision for her.

 

Maturity plays a large role in our decision too. I would say that she is closer, maturity wise, to 10 than she is to 12. She has always, since she was born, been about 2 years behind her peers in maturity...she may have a spurt of growth in this area in the next few years but I don't think there is any downside to having a little more maturity under your belt when you graduate from highschool. I honestly can't think of any reason that it would be a detriment. Dh and I have talked about this at length and we decided that our dc will be issued a diploma and released from our tutelage when we feel they are ready academically and emotionally and when they exhibit a level of maturity that we feel is needed to move onto the next stage of their lives. Just because they are 16 doesn't mean they get to drive and just because the are 17 doesn't mean they are ready to graduate. It's not just whether they have met all the academic requirements. If that were all that mattered to me then I would just let her go to ps because then she would get pushed through the system advancing in grade level and fulfilling all the requirements whether she actually truly knew or retained the material or not and would graduate whether she could handle college emotionally or not. How much time and money would have been saved by thousands of families if their own dc had been given the time to mature a bit more before starting college.

 

Bottom line is that no matter what anyone else has done or thinks the decision has to be based on your own set of circumstances. If you are going to add an extra year of learning for your dc then I think 8.5 would be better than trying to work it into the highschool years. Best wishes in your decision!

[TheAutumnOak]

Don't you only have to keep "transcripts" for high school? High school is considered 9th to 12th grades. So 8th grade doesn't even have to go on a transcript as far as I know. If a year of review and solidifying skills etc. would be beneficial to them, I say go for it.

 

:iagree:

My oldest will be 18 going on 19 when he graduates...I think it is better to have learned what you need to have learned and have another year of maturity than to not have learned and graduate younger...

[Emmy]

Surely it is just as valid for me to state what my opinion is as for others to state what their opposing opinions are. Feel free to disagree with me.

 

Your opinion is just as valid as anyone's opinion, Ellie. I do find it intriguing that you are so very negative about the idea of holding kids back. I have seen you respond in an equally negative fashion on threads about starting kids in kinder a year late and I just don't understand why it is such a big issue for you.

 

Maturity is not a requirement of graduation but it certainly would aid a young person in adult endeavors, such as college and I don't consider it enabling to allow children that extra year. Nor do I consider it a failure on the child or parent's part to not meet an arbitrary deadline of "before 18".

[speedmom4]

I believe that the beauty of homeschooling is to allow children to develop at their own pace. The reason public education is failing is because it is set up as a one size fits all institution. Thinking outside the box enables children to fully reach their potential.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[In The Great White North]

To be held back means to graduate at 18 and turn 19 a month or so later. That's just not ok.

 

I disagree.

 

I was 18 when I graduated and was not held back.

 

Ds was 18 when he graduated and was not held back.

 

Dd(1) will be 19 and she was not held back.

 

Dd(2) will be 18 and she was not held back.

 

Cut off dates vary all over the country, as do mandatory schooling ages.

[calandalsmom]

I sitll haven't read anything here that would be a compelling reason to hold back 13yo dc. Graduating a child doesn't mean that she must go out into the world--although in the history of the world, there have been uncounted scores of young people who went out into the world at that age; it isn't clear to me why our children are not capable of doing so.

 

We are all giving our opinions. Mine is that maturity is not a reason to keep a child from being graduated. Surely it is just as valid for me to state what my opinion is as for others to state what their opposing opinions are. Feel free to disagree with me.

 

I don't actually see you offering any compelling reason against graduating at 18. It seems to be a personal prejudice against it.

 

I had a host of valid reasons for red shirting my kindergartener. My dh was "held back" after his first year of kindy and is now a successful PhD. So I just dont foresee dire consequences.

[elegantlion]

 

Cut off dates vary all over the country, as do mandatory schooling ages.

 

I graduated at 17, because I left a semester early and had a spring birthday.

 

My ds has an early fall birthday and turned 6 right after starting private schooled K. He will be 18 1/2 when he graduates.

 

I wouldn't use age as a factor, as my ds will be 14 starting 8th grade. I would consider self-esteem issues, how that might affect the desire to work harder.

 

Can you consider this a bridge year and not put a grade level on it? Then see if they rise to the occasion this year. If so, it will be 9th, it not it will be 8th.

 

We had considered skipping 8th grade with ds, but due to life interfering we're not deciding yet. So we're doing the bridge year thing. I'm labeling it year 8, as this is our 8th year of homeschooling. We're doing grades and keeping track of things as if this could be 9th grade. We may not fully decide for a few years, most of the responsibility being on ds's shoulders.

 

No one says you have to decide now.

[Stacie Leigh]

I think it's much more risky to launch them into high school where a failure would be noted in their transcripts than to give them another year to grow and learn.

 

I would, however, caution that "holding them back" as a punishment for not applying themselves will likely not result in much progress at that age.

 

Instead of "repeating", I would look at it as advancing! Call it grade 8.5 if you have to and instead of repeating the exact same consumables and materials, get some new things at the same grade level keeping it all simple and streamlined. Don't bite off more than all of you can chew... focus on making learning fun again and less on technical progress at the beginning of the year and slowly progress into more difficult and technical accomplishments throughout the year.

 

I'd consider starting early (July, August?) and ending late (June, July?) as well so that they get the best opportunity possible and if you all are overwhelmed or get behind, the pressure won't cause a meltdown and you will have built in time for breaks.

[Riverland]

I would love to hear more about how to handle the self esteem issue.

 

I am in a similar situation as the OP. My DD12 has LD's from a seizure disorder. Some core subjects are exceptionally easy, others, like math, are exceptionally hard. Her cousin is the same age/grade, so re-doing a year could emotionally harm my DD.

 

I graduated at 16, and use to look down at people who held their children back (and I still don't approve if it is "to give my child an advantage in sports"), but now I see that some children develop at different paces. Whether it is due to a diagnosed disorder, or just parent intuition that something is off. My DD doctor's gave my great advice, "Listen to your parent intution, you know your child better than anyone."

 

Good luck in your decision.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I would love to hear more about how to handle the self esteem issue.

 

I am in a similar situation as the OP. My DD12 has LD's from a seizure disorder. Some core subjects are exceptionally easy, others, like math, are exceptionally hard. Her cousin is the same age/grade, so re-doing a year could emotionally harm my DD.

 

I graduated at 16, and use to look down at people who held their children back (and I still don't approve if it is "to give my child an advantage in sports"), but now I see that some children develop at different paces. Whether it is due to a diagnosed disorder, or just parent intuition that something is off. My DD doctor's gave my great advice, "Listen to your parent intution, you know your child better than anyone."

 

Good luck in your decision.

 

I'm not coming from personal experience with the LDs, so take this with a grain of salt.

 

Is your dd the kind of kid with whom you could sit down and talk about the relative merits of continuing on vs having the blessing of a second year? If the issue is one of being frustrated when making comparisons with friends/family then would there be similar frustrations caused by being at the same "grade", but doing less well?

 

I have one kid who would actually sit and think through these sort of options and another one who just wants his assignments put in front of him so he can go to work.

 

We have tended to not really refer to grade level before high school. There are just too many variables. It is a handy short hand to communicate general age/academic level to outsiders for things like camps or church groups. But it doesn't really describe the academic level that any of my kids are at.

 

Maybe it would suffice to explain that she is a Katie-grader or a Mary-grader and that your intentions are to give her material to work with that is just a little beyond where she is, where ever that may be, in order to help her stretch and grow.

[melmichigan]

.

 

I wouldn't use age as a factor, as my ds will be 14 starting 8th grade. I would consider self-esteem issues, how that might affect the desire to work harder.

No one says you have to decide now.

 

I think it's much more risky to launch them into high school where a failure would be noted in their transcripts than to give them another year to grow and learn.

 

I would, however, caution that "holding them back" as a punishment for not applying themselves will likely not result in much progress at that age.

 

 

:iagree:These would be my concerns.

 

Here in MI the mandatory age is 6. So you could be 18 turning 19, but some school accept kids for K at 4. There can be quite a variance. To further confuse the issue the state also recently changed the law so that your child must legally attend school until 18 unless a parent signs off on it. My DD will be 16 when she starts 12th grade, she has always been advanced academically and would have been 15 starting 12th if she had remained in PS, but she is technically 2E. Will her maturity be there for me to feel comfortable graduating her? I'm not really sure right now but that may change as well. I just keep moving along at her ability, time will tell if she is ready and there is plenty of curriculum out there. I also have a younger DD who would have been held back in PS based on ability at the time. She is now caught up to and has surpassed "grade level". It would have been a disservice to have keep her back now. I quit looking at grade level and just look at the individual child, when I say they are done-then they are done. :lol:

Edited June 28, 2011 by melmichigan

[justamouse]

I'm reading a few things in your question that only you can answer.

 

Did they not finish the work?

 

Did they not do well because they had serious problems grasping the material?

 

Did they not finish the work because they didn't want to?

 

Do they have gaps that you need to shore up before they go on?

 

Are they lacking skills that would enable them to progress? What? Can you take a few months and work on those skills?

 

Any answers we offer are going to depend on answers to those.

[wapiti]

I'm reading a few things in your question that only you can answer.

 

Did they not finish the work?

 

Did they not do well because they had serious problems grasping the material?

 

Did they not finish the work because they didn't want to?

 

Do they have gaps that you need to shore up before they go on?

 

Are they lacking skills that would enable them to progress? What? Can you take a few months and work on those skills?

 

Any answers we offer are going to depend on answers to those.

 

:iagree: these are great points. Some things might be fixable on a shorter-term basis (e.g., a work discipline crack-down, an outlining or essay camp during the summer), whereas others might be longer-term (in which case I'd also ask myself whether a single year is going to provide sufficient time for problems to be addressed)

Edited June 28, 2011 by wapiti

[justamouse]

:iagree: these are great points. Some things might be fixable on a shorter-term basis (e.g., a work discipline crack-down, an outlining or essay camp), whereas others might be longer-term (in which case I'd also ask myself whether a single year is going to provide sufficient time for problems to be addressed)

:iagree:

 

Exactly.

 

It's much more than graduating on time.

[TheAutumnOak]

Why would it be ok to graduate almost a year after the "norm"? When did "maturity" become the determining factor for graduating? Isn't "graduation" an indication of finishing a course of study, not an evaluation of someone's "maturity"?

 

 

I don't think there really is a "norm" when it comes to homeschoolong...Most people do whatever they think is best for their child, and end up doing so many different things that there is no "norm"...

 

Graduation does indicate finishing a course of study, but a person's level of maturity will often determine whether or not the study gets finished, and if that person is ready for what will come next...

 

I personally feel that if there was a "norm" and it was being determined by what I personally see out here on the streets, I would rather stay away from this "norm" anyhow, and try and give my kid an advantage...

 

I don't at all mean this in a disrespectful way...I just disagree I guess...

[Penelope]

I don't think there really is a "norm" when it comes to homeschoolong...Most people do whatever they think is best for their child, and end up doing so many different things that there is no "norm"...

 

Graduation does indicate finishing a course of study, but a person's level of maturity will often determine whether or not the study gets finished, and if that person is ready for what will come next...

 

.

 

I agree, except, if students are college bound --and in 8th grade whether they are or not may not be certain-- we are in some sense conforming to a norm. Graduating at 18 turning 19 doesn't seem like a big deal in that regard, but isn't it possible that some institutions will look at an older student and wonder why they did not graduate on time with their peers?

 

Only the OP can decide what is right for her family. I have younger children, but would have to have a really compelling reason to hold back. One reason is that college often ends up being 6+ years with so many people getting master's degrees. An extra year just delays the start of "real life" for many, and I don't think that is always good. Also, maturity level at 13 is not necessarily an indication of maturity level at 18. Many "children" would be driven bonkers having to be still stuck in high school in 18 as a legal adult.

[melmichigan]

:iagree: these are great points. Some things might be fixable on a shorter-term basis (e.g., a work discipline crack-down, an outlining or essay camp during the summer), whereas others might be longer-term (in which case I'd also ask myself whether a single year is going to provide sufficient time for problems to be addressed)

 

Also, maturity level at 13 is not necessarily an indication of maturity level at 18.

 

:iagree: These are very good points.

Edited June 29, 2011 by melmichigan

[Niffercoo]

I would love to hear more about how to handle the self esteem issue.

 

I am in a similar situation as the OP. My DD12 has LD's from a seizure disorder. Some core subjects are exceptionally easy, others, like math, are exceptionally hard. Her cousin is the same age/grade, so re-doing a year could emotionally harm my DD.

 

I graduated at 16, and use to look down at people who held their children back (and I still don't approve if it is "to give my child an advantage in sports"), but now I see that some children develop at different paces. Whether it is due to a diagnosed disorder, or just parent intuition that something is off. My DD doctor's gave my great advice, "Listen to your parent intution, you know your child better than anyone."

 

Good luck in your decision.

 

I wish I could help you with the self-esteem issues, but we have that exact same problem. Austin was held back by the schools - we kept the 'holding back' intact when we started homeschooling b/c we were planning to put him back in school. Unfortunately back when all those decisions were made, we didn't realize what we were dealing with (Aspergers, later the seizures).

 

Austin really could use a couple of extra school years. But he has a sister coming up right behind him. She's 3 years younger, but 2 grade levels behind. To have them graduate together? Or have him graduate later than her? It's simply not an option. He is very aware of his differences, and he despises them. He is willing to work very hard to try to overcome the differences, but he is limited by his issues. And he is VERY unhappy that he is a year behind in grade from folks his age. VERY, VERY unhappy - he lets everyone know when they ask what grade he is: "9th grade but I could have been a 10th grader". Unfortunately, saying he's a 10th grader just makes his issues worse because he is just going to be making his first attempt at Algebra 1 this coming year.

 

I have similar issues with my youngest. But for her, I just call her the grade that she would be by age. Chances are that she will be living with us a little longer than most kids, so I could graduate her with all her little friends, but continue her education anyway.

 

As for graduating at almost 19, my niece will be turning 19 a month or so after graduation because of where she started school. I think they lived in Indiana which had a June 30th cutoff, and her birthday is the first week of July. However, the moved to CA so now she's in the same grade with kids who are in some cases nearly 18 months younger than she is. And I know many kids who are younger than Reece who have been held back because of maturity in the public schools who will be nearly 19 when they graduate. I guess it's more common now.

[ondreeuh]

In most states, the cutoff to enter Kindergarten at five is September 1st. Only students who are born between mid-June and August will graduate at 17; all the rest will graduate at 18. For those like my daughter who were born in the fall, they will graduate a few months before they turn 19. This is totally normal!

 

I think that doing high school for more than 4 years is FAR more harmful than delaying high school. Once that student has finished what they consider to be 12th grade, you've probably lost them. Their friends are moving on and they will expect to as well.

[LisaKinVA]

Based on what SWB said this past weekend, I think even she would be perfectly fine with the extra year of school for certain reasons... both of her oldest two sons have taken or will take "gap years." Her oldest took a gap year before applying for colleges.

 

Transition years are not at all uncommon. Little humans do not mature according to an arbitrary date. They have their own timetable. They can even mature unevenly (as in, be completely ready for higher-level math, but not be able to tackle higher-order thinking in literature, history or science for a year or two... this includes writing original papers.

 

My oldest son is taking a transition year. He is completely ready for upper level math, but has not transitioned to logic stage at. all. for literature, history, writing... he acts like certain types of assignments are absolute torture (and for him, they very well may be). We've also decided to give my 7yo and 4yo an extra year as well. They may not need it, but there is no harm in planning for that now.